i wanna fucking die everyone i know hates me or ignores me at all costs everyone talks behind my back i cant hold a steady relationship for shit i cant make any new friends whenever i try and talk to anyone they ignore me or leave i dont want to exist anymore i dont want to feel this fucking pain im too much of a pussy to actually off myself tho fuck
"What are you afraid of?" the man asked his heart. The heart didn't reply.
"There is no one out there that will hurt you, I'll protect you. I have grown strong, I'm a warrior now, you have nothing to fear." Still the heart did not reply.
"Tell me, heart. Was it our father? Was it our brothers? Was it one of our lovers? None of that matters now, I am a grown man, no one can do anything to us." The heart remained quiet...closed.
The man grew frustrated. "Heart, you are a coward. Maybe you are defective. Maybe I just don't have a heart that works properly. No wonder I can't feel love." The heart closed even tighter.
For months the man walked around, falling ever deeper into despair about his defective heart. Then one day the man grew very quiet. Quiet enough that he thought he could almost hear a whisper coming from his heart. He asked with all the compassion he was capable of, "Heart, what are you afraid of?"
The heart whispered back, "You. I'm afraid of you."
The man cried. He had protected his heart from everyone but the one person that could hurt it the most-- the tyrant inside.
"The best way to feel alone and isolated, is to always try and feel included and part of... And yet, that's what we tend to do. It's all just a filling of a void. It's like this hungry ghost with it's mouth open like a bird, and no matter what you put into it it just falls through, it's a void that can never be filled. And we tend to try to solve this fear of aloneness with connection, and it's a temporary solution; like a light bulb plugged in, when it's unplugged, the light goes out. So it's not a real solution. So you go backwards, take this backwards step, enter aloneness, willingly, consciously, but for the first time, with no hesitation, with no resistance. Then there's space for something else to arise in consciousness. This is the paradox, we can only ever find connection in our aloneness."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRvE6a0Cr6E "One of the best things meditation can give you, is a certain stability. The capacity not to be taken away with the next internal pattern that arises. And that's a really important thing because a lot of us human beings aren't very stable, in the garden variety sense, where we're almost entirely at the whim of situations. It's a very precarious way to go through life. If anything doesn't happen the way you want it to happen, it ruins your equilibrium inside and you get upset or anxious or unhappy. It's a very shaky way to go through life, when you have no stability inside without thinking about it, you know, that whatever happiness you may have, can be snatched away from you in an instant if the situation has changed, given the external or the internal. So the meditate, to have some grounding in silence is useful because it gives you more of an inner stability, an ability to observe a certain type of objectivity."
"If we’re willing to look in a deep way underneath the appearances, what we expect to discover—or perhaps hope to discover—is some great, shining image. Most people, deep in their unconscious, want to find an idea of themselves, an image of themselves, that’s really good, quite wonderful, quite worthy of admiration and approval. Yet, when we start to peer underneath our image, we find something quite surprising—maybe even a bit disturbing at first. We begin to find no image. If you look right at this moment, underneath your idea of yourself, and you don’t insert another idea or another image, but if you just look under however you define yourself and you see it’s just an image, it’s just an idea, and you peer underneath it, what you find is no image, no idea of yourself. Not a better image, not a worse image, but no image. Because this is so unexpected, most people will move away from it almost instinctively. They’ll move right back into a more positive image. But if we really want to know who we are, if we want to get to the bottom of this particular way in which we suffer, arising from believing ourselves to be something we’re not, then we have to be willing to look underneath the image, underneath the idea that we have of each other, and most specifically of ourselves.”
“When someone tells you, “I love you,” and then you feel, “Oh, I must be worthy after all,” that’s an illusion. That’s not true. Or someone says, “I hate you,” and you think, “Oh, God, I knew it; I’m not very worthy,” that’s not true either. Neither one of these thoughts hold any intrinsic reality. They are an overlay. When someone says, “I love you,” he is telling you about himself, not you. When someone says, “I hate you,” she is telling you about herself, not you. World views are self views—literally”
>>702189357 idk yesterday i went out and got high woth some friends, and i thought itd be fun af you know.. but then when i was high all i could do was think.. about my life.. they asked me "are you doing ok" and shit because i was being super quiet. but i just kept saying "oh yeah im fine" but im not fine, at all... im so fucking depressed and i hate everything.. i know it sounds edgy but i just dont want to deal with anything anymore.. i want to die... i dont want to do it myself but i dont want to live through any more of this fucking pain.. it hurts so bad....
>>702190330 Ya know im still going through alot. You guys and my girl you are what i got. I seek out these threads for a reason. Why? Im tired. Since i was 16 i had to be the tough one for my mom and sibs. I had to be the one to not cry or get down but to stand up and fight. And honestly, im tired of fighting. Ive been tough for too long, so long in fact if i didnt have these threads i wouldnt remember that im human. Life, is something anon.
>>702191150 God damn I know that feel. I know what it's like to be the strong one for the family. It's even tougher in my line of work too, you can't show a sign of weakness and have to be alert at all times.
>age 10 grade 5 >picked on quite a bit as a kid even before age 10, just wasn't as bad >been to 3 elementary schools because of bullying >got stuff thrown at me >called every name in the book >ugly, pig, old, mole ear, beaver, and more >kids attempted to follow me home a couple times >tried to throw my backpack in the creek >shrugged it off the best i could with my one or two friends who were actually my own age even though I was miserable >age 11 grade 6 >fastest kid in my grade >man I could run >probably why I wasn't picked on worse >bullying got worse >school got new teacher >I ended up in her class >she was a huge BITCH and I mean BITCH >very obviously hated me >helped bullies by getting me in trouble for no reason >detention every day >whole class hated me >she moved me around the room many times because there was a problem wherever my seat was >straight up told me I was the problem, I was in tears >put me at bad kids table >I was seated next to the worst of my bullies >found out that I had adhd >shit got better with the teacher for maybe a week >then it just got even worse than before >my parents were called for little to no reason constantly >almost always yelled at when I got home >suicidal >would go home every day and instantly go to my closet, get a noose and see if I had the guts to end my life >in the counselors office more often then I was in class >best friend abandoned me for popular fags >One day I had an especially bad day at school then got screamed at when I came home, I don't remember why >crying hysterically I bolted in my room, slammed the door, threw myself on the bed and just cried more >20 minutes later I remembered something >I had recently learned what self harm was >eyes glanced to pair of medical scissors on bookshelf >got up, grabbed them, and sat down on my bed again >I started scratching my skin, not quite enough to draw blood but enough to make a mark >I started cutting at 11 years old >I felt better, did this every day
>>702191571 >age 12 grade 7 >adhd medication doses just kept getting larger >taking 42 m when I was only a child, a small one at that >slowly turned into a zombie >cuts got deeper, drew blood >bullying didn't let up >but I did get more friends, we were the outcasts, nerds, dorks, goths, and emos >what we had in common was that people hated us >treated like I was some sort of disease >I was treated so bad that when my phone was stolen when a kind soul got it back from his friends and gave it back to me I cried tears of happiness >I couldn't believe it, someone treated me like a person, I cried and I cried hard, made my entire week >got into roller derby >I was FANTASTIC at it, holy shit /b/ros, I fucking SHINED >and I just got better and better, stronger and stronger Age 13 grade 8 >roller derby made me somewhat aggressive seeing that I could actually defend myself now >slammed a kid into a locker once, because he was in my way >my poor bf at the time's eyes widened and just continued walking with me >speaking of that ex he was absolutely insane >emo fag who upstaged all my problems >each time I would say anything he would follow up with "uhh well I was raped so that doesn't really compare" >wtfstop.jpg >he stabbed his hand with a pencil in the middle of fucking class and drank the blood >10x more aggressive than I ever was, though he could be a massive pussy half the time >he never hit me but he talked about gore so much he frankly terrified me >stayed two extra months unhappy because I knew he would freak out >when I did end it and started to walk away, he grabbed my arm and looked in my eyes and said "no! Please don't break up with me!" >the fuck, no it's over >heard he cried all lunch >kids started being able to run faster than i could >"just give up anon, you're weak" >I was dumb enough to actually give up >parents found out I was cutting myself >dragged me to the psychiatrist office >asked me how long I had been doing it >I said since 6th grade
>>702191640 We've been friends most of my life. We briefly for close to a year a while back and things weren't great. She seemed to not be interested late into the relationship and eventually broke up with me. But back then I was a fat loser who hated being social. I feel like if I asked now things could be different, but I just don't know. We talk a little bit now but it's nothing too serious.
>"two years???" My father said >mfw I still remember the look on this face and the tears in his eyes >my mom was really nothing but pissed >never taken back for the same reason Age 14 grade 9 >bullying let up a tiny bit >though I was about ready to give up >still cutting daily, cuts got deeper >ripped apart my skin at one point because I wanted to feel something, even if it was pain >got friends who were like me >a little happier, even befriended a druggie who made some questionable decisions because I literally had no judgement for others >got gf >at first it was great >took me to her group >she then avoided me, cheated on me, almost got fucking pregnant (I'm a chick....) >I just kept coming back because I loved her >she eventually dumped me >tried to hang out with her so much then I tried to go back to my friends but they weren't there anymore >heart broke >developed anorexia >I slowly wasted away and nobody said shit >I was alone in my former group >no one ever talked to me >reached 95 pounds and no one said anything but the girls crowding me in the PE locker room asking me for my secret to being thin >i'd just giggle and say "I don't know, I love food" >lie, I became too good at lying for my own good >reached 85 pounds >My roller derby skills lagged like hell >figured out that they wouldn't put me on the travel team because I was too small >a hazard on the track they said, that if I was in a real match, I could potentially die >my heart sunk to my stomach >skip to summer >83.8 pounds >would collapse sometimes >vision would fade then maybe 15 seconds later my legs would give out from under me >and I couldn't move or see the most fucked up part was that I was completely conscious >the rest of my senses were heightened >I will never forget how the floor felt under my unmoving body, how my bones pressed into the wood floor >I still remember the way my heart would beat like a frightened rabbit well I lied there on the floor praying my mother wouldn't find me there
>>702192115 >my mother found out I was taking her diet pills >screamed at me >stripped my room >threw away everything even loosely associated with my disorder >even diary entries and shit >grounded >all my dad did was cry >he said we should get strong together since he was an alcoholic, though what he was talking about never happened >age 15 grade 10 >cut off all my hair >faked my friendly personality >even lifted weights to get my mom off my back >tomboys don't get eating disorders right? >actually got pretty popular >bullying almost stopped >no one knew I was still starving myself >exploring myself sexually >sent nudes to random chick on kik i met on omegle >she didn't send anything back >she just blackmailed me for more and more >and if I didn't do exactly what she wanted she would post my pics to the internet >"shhh as long as you're a good girl you're safe" >"shhh we're just having fun" >"why are you crying?" >was actually dumb enough to send more >hours later she wanted to skype me >sent me instructions through kik >to stop the torture even just for a minute I said I was a singer and could sing to her >and I was, I recently got a solo in choir and sung that to her >she said "wow <3 " and continued to praise me for my voice >I smiled through my tears, I was so happy but felt so empty and used >a half hour later she was satisfied >I deleted her shit >for a year or two after I couldn't fap or even look at porn without having a panic attack >claimed to be asexual for awhile to further detach myself from the incident >started to be very afraid of kik >avoided the absolute fuck out of anything related to it >pushed it away like it never happened >told myself it happened freshman year instead of sophomore year as sort of an "well I was young" excuse
>>702192187 >age 16 grade 11 >got kik again so I could talk to a boy I liked >took months of convincing me to go near it again though >ran into solid evidence that the incident was not when I was 14 but 15 >figured it's not healthy to deny shit >tried to fix it on my own >big mistake >panic attacks every week, sometimes every day or even more than once a day >had panic attacks in the middle of class, had to go to the nurses office, fucking embarrassing >I knew damn well I was broken so on the outside I smiled but on the inside I frantically tried to put myself back together >age 17 grade 12 >I had failed at fixing myself >I had just given up, starting being a cunt to cover up that I wasn't whole >I still want to die >I'm 18 now and graduated highschool >my boyfriend doesn't trust me one little bit (the guy I liked that I mentioned earlier) >even though I have never EVER cheated on him and wouldn't ever dream of it >he says he doesn't trust anyone >he already abandoned me once based on false suspicion >he came back apologizing and told me he loved me >I'm so terrified he'll walk away again it keeps me up at night >I could never leave him, as sad as his mistrust makes me, it's worth putting up with for the good times >I actually have problems talking dirty with him over text because of my past >I just say it's because all this stuff is new to me, which well it is >he knows it happened he just doesn't know why I act so awkward and detached during phone sexytimes >I may see a therapist soon, I've made a call about it >I'm 18 now so I can go on my own and my parents don't need to know >I have a job so I can pay for it, but my job is about to lay me off I can tell >as the weather gets colder there will be less business and my hours were already cut >that and one of the managers hates my guts for whatever reason >I'm looking for a new job but I don't know if I can get one in time to keep my therapy sessions if I so choose to start them
>>702191036 just some weed, but ive been pretty depressed before that since summer break started and starting going into a downward spiral but when i hung out with them it just pushed me further down. i know they talk behind my back. they make fun of me. and its not just them tho, everyone hates me. anyone i talk to online, videogames, texting, school.. everyone always talks behind my back and makes fun of me, because they can get a quick laugh because i dont wear name brand clothes or vape or get girls. im not funny or clever. im not handsome or creative. im just bad at everything...
>>702192325 I don't expect anyone to read all this shit, but it least I got it off my chest. If you read all this, thank you, it often feels like I'm screaming on the inside. I'm so tired of feeling alone.
>>702192108 not the guy who responded to you, but I just confessed my feelings to the girl I like and got rejected.If she is truly your friend I doubt it could kill your friendship. Just try for it pal
>>702191851 >>702191969 Well see when i was 16 my dad molested a 9 year old girl. All ill say is it left me and my mom and my 2 special needs sibs alone. I had to be the strong one for all these years and im tired now. All those years it was non stop me saying itd all be okay. Fuck we lived out of motels for 2 weeks if not longer. We had to move from texas to missouri causing me and my gf to go ldr, were married now though. My mom became bitter and we dont talk much. So you guys and my wife are all i got.
>>702192306 I don't see her a whole lot outside of school. Most of our talking is done over text. If I do go for it, should I try to just go for it or talk a bit and see if I can get her a bit interested?
Well....honestly, the only thing I want at this point in my life is someone that I can fully open up to. However, I'm already coming to terms that it may not happen for a very long time. Years of being insecure about myself, my image, and then with the growing movement that people shouldn't bother others haven't made it better. Also, 5 years of college didn't make it easier with the general rule being, "if you're not attractive, you'll always be perceived as creepy". So, as you can figure, I just stay quiet and stay out of the way.
Though, I am now moving towards the entrepreneur world and am starting to become more talkative and honest with possible customers and stuff I still can't make myself want to talk to women. Lots of bad luck there. Have creeped out women before and been overly attached. Have also been completely shunned by some women on pure sight and one has deeply hated me. I have learned but it is so deeply scared into me that it paralyzes me. Oddly enough, I automatically assume women to instantly hate me.
Not to say that I haven't learned anything about my time in the back wall. I've learned what kind of person I am and what personality traits I don't want to be around. I learned that I don't want to wish harm on others, be respectful, listen to others, not judge, and understand people. Basically, I give people what I have desperately wanted for years. Every time I try, I'm left alone. It really doesn't help.
Don't worry man, don't be friends with those tools. They sound like dicks for kicking you further down depression. You don't have to vape or wear brand clothes or be clever or funny. You just gotta be you. I think you can be very funny because you've got the most fucked up sense of humor you can laugh more than other people can. Just find someone who's like you.
I wanna kill myself. Everyone in my family is either really smart and has amazing grades and are super athletic. Me? Well im just a beta nobody that's been dealing with anxiety and depression since 6th grade. I'm a complete disgrace to my family.
>>702192610 Fuck dude that's rough. I'm so sorry. Proud of you man, you've got balls and not a lot of people could do what you did. Your dad was a piece of shit, but you aren't. That's the best, to not turn out to be like your parents.
>>702192612 Test the waters, if it's just short replies it's not worth it, if you guys talk like you use to then yea jump on it. Use your judgement.
>>702192987 Yea but you're a funny bastard. You've got a good smile, and the best taste in music. I don't know you and those aren't my words. Those are the words of the girl that will love absolutely everything about you. She's out there, I promise.
>>702193162 I dont plan on it Then again me and my wife dont want kids ha Honestly life is looking up. Got a girl thats a super clinger thats to the point if i left shed kill herself. Shes like obcessed and supwr attached, in other words shes perfect for me. I have someone to lean on and rest. I dont have to be strong anymore at least not all the time. Life is looking up.
>>702193461 Can't relate. I genuinely despise the way so many people are acting these past years. My shitty outlook on the world around me just makes things worse as no one wants to be around me. I can't make myself happy because it's like my mind doesn't want me to be happy.
(sorry i talk spanish) guys about 5 months the doctor told me i have 3 more years to live , because i have stomach cancer , yup, i'm going to die my mom is having mental problems (depression and paranoia) and i take care of her, my gf is having problems with their family everyday she told me problems and i fix them, but i'm going to die hehe, i don't have time for cry and i don't want to take medication because is too expensive and i need to buy a house for my gf , i want to marry with her i don't want to leave my mother alone my sister leave us alone, my dad leave the house, i don't find a job everyday is more fucked and i can't cry because i don't tell the truth to hers and that shit is killing me everyday. and i don't want to leave hers alone, i just want to take care , everyday of my life
At one point in the past I had to work at a murder scene where some fuckin animal slaughtered his 3 year old. I always thought I was tough but I see things from that house in my mind's eye, and I'm stuck on some of the details from that very long week. Its hurting my marriage because I rage about it more when I drink, and I always liked to drink and won't change that
Well.. I'm going to die alone. By choice. I've been forcibly "red-pilled" by my mother being a raging whore and addict and the ex being a pill head in and out of rehab.
I've completely shut out the idea of a woman being an anything other than a sexual partner.
But it only Hurts when Old Sean crops up within me. He thinks about settling down with a sweety. A real good girl. A simple girl who hasn't fucked the whole state. Maybe she's a little religious. Maybe she's a virgin, but probably not. She just needs someone who can be a protector, someone who can see her through this world, and in return, she'll comfort him. See past this facade, this exterior, he puts on. Get a hold on his heart, but only to comfort it, not crush it. She'll be his heart and he'll be her armor.
Usually it's right around here I realize I've worked up a fantasy, so I go to bed and go back to work in the morning.
>>702193987 >>702193978 We're all /b/ros. We're alone in our lives but here we have the biggest family, who know each other too well. Love you guys, Today might have been shit, but lets make tomorrow less shitty.
It sucks man. There's so many guys and other options that you feel are better than you so you don't try because you constantly ask yourself, "Why would she pick me? All the guys and it's me? Impossible. That'll never happen." And the constant cycle of doubt continues
>>702194493 I pretty much already said most of it. >>702193780 >I told him if we both followed my advice we'd be happier, we'd get girls and better off >I never got his name >He was in dire situation >no friends >no girl >felt alone >we connected over troubles with girls >I inspired someone >and he inspired me back >I felt like i saved someone that day >I feel like i've known a dead man for a long time now
>>702194050 That pic actually made me cry a little. I'm just in an emotional mood. The thought of two people who were such good frinends dndseparaetion liek ajt akus t maked me cry while typing this asnhrn
>>702192415 Sometimes it might feel like no one's listening, but hundreds of eyes glance over your story. You affect everyone you touch whether good or bad and I am genuinely glad I've heard your voice.
>met a girl >she's cool >we talk a bit >go out on date >start talking about the past >asks me if I like to drink >"I love to. That's why I don't anymore." >Wait what > don't want to tell her >she insists >explain recovering alcoholic dope fiend >"oh... my father was an alcoholic..." >... >haven't heard from her since >feelsbadman.jpg
>>702195621 Actually, I did dream of a girl and have recently found her in person.
When I dreamt of that girl, for the first time, I felt truly happy. It was the little things that I loved.
Oh yeah, the real girl I found. She's the spinning image of her. Down to the eye colour and smile. Unfortunately, I haven't had a full conversation with her, there's 5 year age difference, and found out she has a boyfriend. Figures.
>>702195701 I can't figure out how to move on or if I even should. We gave it a test run for a little bit but she broke it off because we are coworkers. Now I have to see her with her new boyfriend about everyday. I've spent a year in this limbo hell
>>702196285 Well, it might be in my favor since she's 18 and I'm 23. However, I have a feeling it won't go well. She's a full blown athlete and I'm not that great in shape. I'm also a recent engineer graduate, no real job, in $50k+ debt, and working on my start-up with zero funds. Guess what that would spell to the majority of women? A complete loser.
>>702197215 >>702197236 That's what everyone thinks. I'm not interested in the majority of the engineering jobs in the market. I'm interested in actually helping people directly. That's why I'm working on my start-up. I can't live with myself working for some oil & gas dump or some monotonous job.
I'm already working out and I barely eat since I'm saving as much as I can. And doing a start-up is not considered a job if it brings no money to the table.
>>702191459 Anon i've been in this exact situation before. I promise, no matter how bad of an idea it seems, tell her how you feel. You'll be able to think of a million and a half reasons not to, but in the end it's for the best. If she feels the same way about you, well then that's out of the way and you get what you want. If she doesn't feel the same way, then you know it's not worth pursuing anymore and although it's gonna suck, you can start trying to move on from the whole thing.
>>702197968 I won't tell you that life is worth living man because I'm still trying to convince myself of that. But I will tell you that there so many opportunities out there for you and just ending it takes all those away. Go out and live for yourself. Fuck everyone else
Hopefully this will be seen in a good light; it's pretty much feels material anyway! This is a Mental Health theory on Omnimon's / Omegamon's Birth. We're branching off into dubbed and subbed here. Let's start with the dubbed. I'll try to tl;dr it at the end, then we'll talk about the subbed and I'll tl;dr that and then we'll discuss. Here's the video;
Omnimon's Birth is actually three forces combining together in unison. This can be interpreted as the mind, body and soul. Mind of the Transcendent Sword, sharp wit and as the old saying goes; pen is mightier than the sword. Body of the Supreme Cannon, the security it represents, and the soul of the internet as all those emails pop up and all the people on the internet combine to form the glue that keeps the Transcendent Sword and the Supreme Cannon stuck together.
I assume myself as Tai, and Wargreymon is my fortifications. He is cracked and broken. Matt is assumed as my father; Metalgarurumon is his fortifications, cracked and broken from battle. Brief history here; he's done 35 years in the Military and suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He's also served in the Navy. I digress, let's continue.
"Tai's bond with Wargreymon was so strong, Tai himself became digital"
This is all digital right here. The internet! I'm trying to reassure Wargreymon because I believe that my fortifications can help carry the weight of Matt and Metalgarurumon! My fortifications were based on my father's teachings!
"Wake up! Don't quit now! Why won't he answer me Tai?"
This is of course, Matt's (Dad's) attempt to reassure himself. Metalgarurumon doesn't respond. He hasn't responded in 35 years. What I mean by this, is that he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He did 35 years in the military, particularly the Navy.
"Keep trying, Matt!"
I cannot fully comprehend what my father went through, but I can certainly give him reassurance for him to know that his son always has his back!
"Listen; I don't have a whistle to wake you, but I want you to know that you're not alone, okay? And the mail keeps coming; it won't stop! Kids from all over the world are writing to you; they need your help! You're the only one that can do it! Feel their hope! FEEL THEIR STRENGTH!"
"I FEEL THEM"
Wargreymon is now prepared to do the ultimate sacrifice to preserve the welfare of Tai, Matt and Metalgarurumon. He feels the hope and courage of everyone around him (Tai has the Crest of Courage, if you're a Digi-nerd like me and know what happened in the first season of Digimon) and by accepting and coming to terms with death, he's triggered a digivolution sequence with himself, Metalgarurumon and the Internet. EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. ON. THE. INTERNET.
>riding around on an old dirt road in my jeep in the night >just me, her, and a cheap bottle of wine cruising around. its all so familiar >the path glowing in the headlights, the low rumble of the engine as it powers us along, her brown eyes shining in the glow of the dashboard light, the soft almost cool touch of her soft hand on top of mine resting on the shifter >we casually talk about nothing and everything as we slowly roll over bumps on the old dirt path and the old jeep creaks and bounces along as it always does. >we get to the clearing we always stop at when we cruise around on lazy nights like this >its nothing spectacular, just an opening in the trees with a place to pull over that looks over a valley, but with her here its the most beautiful place in the world >we park the car, shut off the lights and the engine and just talk as the crickets sing in the night >then we stop and just look at eachother for what feels like forever >slowly we lean to eachother and kiss, for the first time. >it wasnt my first kiss, but i cant remember any feeling as special as this one, because it was her... >but as always, nothing can go my way >and i have to wake up >3:15 am, barely got 4 hours of sleep again. >waking up hurts a little less each time, but i just wish it didnt feel so new everytime i have the dream >go to work that day, and as always there she is >"shit anon you look like hell, still not sleeping well?"
Of course, this leaves people like T.K. (the blonde kid with the bucket hat) wondering what the fuck is going on. They combined! This has never before been thought of in Digivolution!
The Diaboromon clones (the guys with the Viking helmets) are shitting themselves. Now bear in mind that this whole battle is taking place on the internet. Diaboromon is a virus. He's also the embodiment of all the hatred, anger and horror that exists in the world. Also he's the representation of Anonymous.
"They digivolved together to become..!"
Diaboromon and his dickass clones see this new threat and spew their hatred and anger all over Omnimon, to which we follow up with Transcendent Sword. Bitchslap their shit back at them!
Now, as Wargreymon is the embodiment of the Transcendent Sword; that's what I represent. I represent the Transcendent Sword. I am going into battle on the internet as the ultimate keyboard warrior. I'm also battling IRL because I want our voices heard.
Dad's fortifications are Metalgarurumon and he represents the Supreme Cannon. This relates to Military. Cannons are used in historical ships, and Supreme could mean Supreme Court but he went further than that and exacted his own justice in war and conflict. Pimpslap with the Cannon as Supreme Cannon BTFO's all the hatred in the world and Anonymous gets buttmad over getting rekt over a children's cartoon!
The original Diaboromon is going back to where it all started. Our root cause of anger and hatred. Mine is with Anonymous. His is with the Military. The fucking virus is jumping around and around, trying to buy time before the missile hits.
The missile sequence by the way, is Dad's weight. His world view. Like I've said before; missiles are badass and cool and destroy worlds. Again, obvious link to the Military. However, when it hits the water it doesn't explode. He's cooled off and has come to terms with his past.
Interestingly, it's the Transcendent Sword that kills Diaboromon. Notice how the Transcendent Sword did very little, but the Supreme Cannon destroyed almost every single one? Yet it was the sword that killed the root cause.
I'd also like to add that the connection terminated bit is when the root cause is severed. His connection to the military is gone and my connection to Anonymous is gone.
Willis is a child. I was once a child. The broken clock seen at the end of Diaboromon's death represents all the time lost when my father was overseas, when I started to walk and crawl and talk. Things in my life he missed, but it's okay! We have all the time in the world to catch up!
After all; what's a few raindrops between friends?
"When Willis saw what happened on the internet, he was as happy as the rest of us"
As stated before; I was once a child. I was once Willis. The scenery of flowers and children is a scene of innocence. However, that innocence is interrupted when Cocomon gets attacked by the virus.
I was once Willis, but I am his future. I will stop this. I am angry at Mental Health for what they did to me. The patients are angry too. It's Willis's personal Vendetta. Do not worry yourself about my shit though. I carry the weight of the world wide web on my shoulders, I will carry my weight too.
"Willis was about to face the digi-battle of his life, but he was all alone!"
Continuing on from the Omnimon's Birth theory, there is a religious motif behind the birth of Omegamon. Bearing in mind that Digimon was made by the Japanese, so this version is accurate.
Again, I assume myself as Tai and Wargreymon is my fortifications. Cracked and broken, as well as Metalgarurumon. Matt is my father and Metalgarurumon is his fortifications.
Father, son, holy spirit are implied here as Tai attempts to reawaken Wargreymon. This video is more tragic than the English version, I assume that Fox Kids censored a bit of it because this was heartwrenching.
In this context, Diaboromon is the devil. Diaboro can be interpreted as Diablo, or as a portmanteau of Diablo and Ouroboros, the snake god in Japanese mythology. The ouroboros often symbolizes self-reflexivity, introspection, or cyclicality, especially in the sense of something constantly re-creating itself.
Diaboromon is exactly that. He re-created himself millions of times as he is a virus on the internet.
Again, Omegamon / Omnimon's Birth is a result of THREE forces combining together; the mind of the Transcendent Sword, the body of the Supreme Cannon, the soul of the internet.
The father, the son, the holy spirit; everyone! Everyone on the internet! We are broken as two, but with the reinforcements and assurance of everyone else we are a force to be reckoned with!
My father fought for you for 35 years. His fortifications were broken, but are now mended.
I fight for you and I continue to fight for you. The sword is getting too heavy to carry, but I carry the weight of the world wide web on my shoulders! I can still carry it.
I've got a story about falling in love with one of the female personalities of a guy with Multiple Personality Disorder and having her pull me out of intense depression, only for him to be cured and have her disappear. I'll tell the story if anybody is really interested, but I'm not really here to vent.
>>702198669 >>702198755 >>702198895 >>702199016 >>702199113 >>702199283 >>702199432 Do you know why we fight for you? Because we love you. We care for you. We don't want you ending up like third-world countries, we wish that you all have a healthy, happy life (even if you cannot find that happiness now), we wish that you all have good homes and good food to eat, we really do wish you the best. All the best.
Now let's sum up what this whole theory means, and we'll discuss it;
>Mental Health theory in the fact that a guy with PTSD comes to terms with his demons
>World Peace statement in the fact that a guy with PTSD was a catalyst that helped bring in peace with the rest of the world
>Religious views questioned
>Any more topics that can be discussed here?
Think outside the box. What other questions will be raised here?
Will the questions of how the paternal relationship affects the children in militaristic families be raised? Will Mental Health get BTFO'd as this theory was written by a guy who has Schizoaffective disorder?
Please, help me. Help me spread my view across the internet. The internet is a wonderful tool in which we conglomerate and share views, exchange data and opinions etc. It's all that I ask.
Are you willing to take the sword up and share this theory around?
>>702187000 The more this semester continues, the less enthused I am to continue studying Japanese. I probably shouldn't have signed up for the JLPT a couple of days ago after all. Seems like studying for it would get in the way of my actual studies, AND my Chinese Politics professor (who actually is Chinese herself) seems pretty chill but serious about learning. I don't want to insult her. Perhaps I should stop and start studying Mandarin instead? We have to learn ALL of China's provinces and their capitals within the next two weeks as well. Then of course, there are the real-life implications of knowing either Japanese or Mandarin, and what it could mean for one's personal and financial future.
>>702199071 you know the feeling i take it? ive thought about breaking contact, ive thought about getting a different job, ive thought about it a lot. But the job pays super well, and if i work there i will have to talk to her anyways... thats what i tell myself. But truthfully im weak, and i cant stand to be away from her
So I'm 22 and I've yet to get a driver's license. Or even learn how to drive. I mean. I know the basic mechanics and I'm starting to actually take lessons, which are working slowly but surely. Instructor says I need to practice outside of these lessons, so I often drive around with my parents.
One day after college I get into the car with my father and I nearly veer into oncoming traffic. There was a pedestrian on my side of the road so I wrote it off as that.
Basically, I'm afraid having a car or license is just going to give me more motivation to kill myself.
I'm on 4 medications, and take 4 more supplements to help with my condition, it's schizoaffective disorder. Now with the medications I feel "better", I'm much more even though tbh I miss the highs alittle. To live or to die isn't the biggest question on my mind any more, it's how do I live? Guys I was hearing voices, in a constant state of fear and hopelessness, and having no privacy within my own mind. Now here I am with the privilege of not bettering my life simply because i'm lazy and perhaps alittle afraid, but not because i'm broken. I just want you guys to know that life can get better, you just gotta push yourself to shape it in a way that suits you. If I gave up the first year I started hearing voices, the second, third or fourth, if I decided to nope the fuck out and just kill myself I never would have been able to experience myself being just alittle bit happier, just alittle bit more hopeful. This new sense of well being is just so mind boggling to me, if your surrounded by darkness even the smallest bit of light makes a difference. It is worth the struggle to better yourself, because the more you change the more your world changes too. GL
>>702199919 I've always seen why people do certain drugs (e.g. taking marijuana to chill, LSD to hallucinate, etc.) but cigarettes are the exception. They don't really make you feel good at all, they're just a stimulant that your body becomes dependent on with no good effects psychologically or physically. Honestly, it's a great way to throw away a ton of money and also ruin your health at the same time.
>>702195621 >>702196156 >>702199071 >>702199958 Yeah I'm the anon from above. Falling for a co-worker is miserable and probably just a mistake. But goddam I've never met anyone who brightens my day more. Even with all the pain
My life could be a feel story, overprotective mom cunt forever but ruined my life junior year of hs when I was grounded for the entire year, for having a few missing homeworks and classes under 80% I was grounded till I got it to a 90% which I couldn't do because I was depressed, couldn't see my 1 good friend, and couldn't play video games. I watched about 3-5 movies a day in my bed on my phone every day after school then bed and repeat. Only not killing myself Cuz I told myself life would get better at college. Go to college try every drug on the planet I can find have a good time living the fantacy then fail out. Then my dad calls a favor so I can apply for his job I blow it at the very end to a drug test. Now I've ruined my life completely and I'm a 19 y/o with an 11pm bedtime that is constantly shat on and has no freedom
>>702202246 Hug him tight anon. I had to deal with that shit earlier in the year now my best friend is gone and a part of me is gone with her. You have to go on though, think of him when things get tough and I'll know you'll be alright.
I've got a coworker story, I've been in love with her since the day i finally mustered the courage to actually talk to her. She's smart, pretty, quick with matched with a dark but great sense of humor, bit of a dork really. Tomorrow (friday) i have my first date in about 3 years, with her. No matter how good or bad it goes i intend to green text this all someday, currently doing my best to pre type it.
Im scared anons, im truly truly scared that i'll mess this up like i do everything else in life
>>702189603 I thought i had her too, she was only my first gf and I was her first too, I thought I would never have to look for anyone else, but she broke up with me last week, I just want her to come back...
>get a new best friend, female >she is nice and fun and we talk all the time, play games together >not romantically or sexually attracted to her, we just get along fantastically as friends, she's my closest friend ever >one night we start skyping and then i started falling asleep and we ended up just skyping together while we slept, did this pretty often from there on out because we both liked feeling like we were sleeping with someone else beside them >have lots of fun, happy most of the time because we both like each other a lot and are best friends >one day she tells me that she got back together with her ex-boyfriend (who i didn't know existed) >playing games together is kill >talking a lot every day is kill >skyping overnight is definitely kill >she becomes much more distant immediately >see her playing video games with her boyfriend every night >never wants to hang out with me >completely ignore her for a few days and she doesn't even try to talk to me >feel hollow inside >think that i was probably just being used to waste time with until she could get her boyfriend, who she actually cares about, back >never comes to me for help or advice >essentially ignores me completely unless i talk to her first, and even then conversation feels stilted >used to tell her everything, now can't tell her anything >know that everything we did together she is now doing with her boyfriend >i'm okay with her boyfriend being more important than me, i just want her to care about me in the slightest again >hate myself >hate everything >wish i had no emotions and that i wasnt such a jealousy-prone desperate loser
>>702203753 >>702203510 Im not a furfag lol. I'm just a, relatively, normal guy. I know she likes me for who i am, but i cant help but be nervous, ive given too much of myself to fear and to her. I like this one
>had my bday yesterday.. Pathetic only had grandma and cousin sing to me and i was too busy worring about her cancer... >last bday i was dealing with my mothers death.. >this bday was my best by far...i had no friends wish me happy birthday i barely had family wish me happy birthday and i had my tired cancer grandmother wish me happy birthday the best birthday i had was by far the most pathetic...
I'm not talking about regular romantic love or guy to guy friendships or shitty friends with benefits relationships. I'm not talking about the way your parents love you, because even they choose not to love you sometimes.
I'm talking about unconditional love with no strings attached and no bullshit.
I would love to love someone in that way and they love me the same way back and no matter what horrible shit they did as long as they forgave me I would forgive them, That's all I want.
i watch tv shows to try and take my mind off my shitty life. they don't help because they make me wish my life was more like a tv show. like there would be a reason to exist if i were a character in a tv show, with a purpose for being there. i'm not the main character, or even a side character. i'm an extra in the show of life.
>living at home like a loser >dad and I not really getting along >so many job rejections I'm embarrassed to tell my parents or friends the number >even rejected from old job I was great at, left on good terms, despite friends still there guaranteeing it >car shits out today >no money to fix and so without transportation >suddenly cry for the first time in years today >dad starts asking about certain friends during dinner >see a pattern and he goes for it >"So why don't you have your shit together like them?" >no words, just get up from table and walk to the park
>>702206321 it's a reference to the tv show Codename KND. basically, in the show the kids have this gigantic treehouse which serves as their base of operations. in the image, one of the characters returns to the treehouse to find that it was always just a normal sized treehouse all along.
>>702196906 Well, think about it. You are a fucking engineer, use that. Having a 50k debt sucks? of, but it does not make you a loser, actually it makes you a man, having responsibilities and shit, growing up and shit
All I have ever wanted to be is loved by someone. Even since I was little. I never went through a "girls are icky" phase. Even then, as a young boy, I thought that it would be lovely to be a relationship. As the years have gone by, I've grown more and more anxious, over more and more measly things, due to so many factors, and less and less certain that I will get married, or even ever have a girlfriend. Sex is nice, but is honestly of little importance to me. All I want is someone to love. I get anxious around everyone, but with girls it's especially worse. I am never able to communicate with women effectively. I almost always afraid of fucking up. Not that most of them want to talk to me anyway, since I'm ugly as hell itself. I restrict my humor as to not damage my reputation with people; a bad joke is practically a death sentence. Actually, I guess shouldn't say that, since I don't even have to restrict it anymore; I am barely capable of being funny. Less and less people like me. People who ARE interested in me get bored with me after a month or two, for whatever reason. It's like a burnout effect, I guess? My friends like me less and less. Anytime I want to hangout I have to ask. I'm never invited anywhere. I am at the bottom of their list. No one ever talks to me. I get no texts, no phone calls, no messages of any kind. Anytime someone does message me I am overjoyed. I want to talk to people so badly, but no one ever wants to talk to me. To make up for my shortcomings I try to be uber-polite and kind, but no one cares. I'll always be there to help someone out if they need it, but no one is ever there for me. No one is ever able to do favors for me. No one can make time for me. No one remembers me. I always thing tomorrow cannot be worse than today, but I am always proven wrong. I have degenerated myself into a humorless, ugly, silent, awkward machine. And I can't stop it. I hate myself and I want to die.
>>702193735 You have limited time. Don't hold back, pour it out, leave nothing. Tell her everything. Everything you want her to hear even when you're not there. Do it. What's the worst that could happen?
>>702202246 Me too man, my dog's probably got cancer, he's got severe arthritis, he's really up there in age and we can't treat any of it, We've even had to keep his weight down because of his joint issues, I'm having a hard time dealing with it too
>my dad is my hero >he was a great guy and I'm lucky because he was the best dad ever >but he died on 2004 >since then I tried to be at his level >I'm starting a family, have a beautiful gf and we have a daughter who is our entire world >I'm sure he would loved her >but I can't give my family the life I wanted for them >I'm feeling desperate with debt, too much work, not enough money >I'm not at my dad's level, I feel like a pale shadow of his legacy >no idea of what to do, my family trust me and I'm fucking terrified >future looks dark
>I am very unhappy with my new job >I am very unhappy with my lack of educational degree >I am very unhappy with myself (most of the time) >I am very unhappy with the status quo I don't have much else than that
my dad left my mum for a fucking gook he met over seas and yesterday my mum said she was feeling suicidal and now she didnt pick me up for school so i called her she said she was getting a tattoo...... that was 4 hours ago...... i have a really bad feeling
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