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what up /b/

give me your best/worst pickup lines

go
>>
How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?
>>
>>701953859
It's 'scrambled or fertilised' you fucking faggot
>>
you must be gasoline, cuz even tho u expensive, id still pump you in my van
>>
>>701953750
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
>>
If you were a vegetable you'd be a cutecumber.
>>
>>701953750
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're highly machinable when combined in steel alloys.
>>
>>701954036
Nothing? Ah well, I tried. Fun fact: Tellurium is mildly toxic.
>>
get in van I got candy
>>
>>701954421
OLE EVBIN 9RED FUN FACTS xD xDXED
>plz upvote
>>
ay gurl u from iraq? cuz you should baghdad ass up
>>
>>701954596
Heh
>>
Hey, Aren't there 20 letters in the alphabet?
>No 26
Oh yeah I forgot about U R A QT
>Lol, that's only 25.
Yeah but you get the D later, if you act right.
>>
>>701953750
>me:heyy babe
>her:hey
>me:I spell heyy with two 'y's ;)
This worked I'm not even shitting you
>>
a-are you an archaeologist?

because i've got a very large bone for you to examine

pls respond
>>
>>701954740
>wanna be my ate? you'll get the D later
>>
>>701954596
I've not tried it but
>Hey, I need a woman's opinion. Let's say I see a hot girl at a bar, is it too forward to just ask her name and start a conversation?
>"No" - Hi I'm anon, what's your name?
>"Yes" - thanks bye

Also bad pickup line
>Are you from Tennessee? Because you look like a bitch
>>
>>701954773
>when we try to text girls
>>
>>701954537
Thanks, anon.
>>
If you were a bogey, I'd pick you.

I hope you have a helmet, because you are going through the headboard tonight.
>>
>>701953750
Tellurium is one of those faggy ass elements that doesn't exist naturally.
>>
Don't worry, I brought two paper bags.
>>
>>701954903
horrible, dont try it
>>
Are you my little toe? 'cause I'd bang you on all the furniture.
>>
>>701955131
Made me lol.
>>
>>701955125
Fair
>>
got any irish in you?

want some?
>>
>>701955206
fag, only works on try hard Americans, none of which I'd ever want to put my dick in
>>
>>701955206
What if I'm Austrian? Does it work also?
>>
you like tapes and CDs? cuz ima tape my dick to yo forehead so you can CDs nuts
>>
You smell like shit let's take a shower
>>
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>Wait aren't you the girl from subway?
>'No'
>Really? I swear I've gotten a toasty 6 inch everytime I see you
>>
OP is made of gallium and yttrium.
>>
>>701955433
cmon man, be realistic.
>I've got a toasty 4 and a half
>>
>Nice dress. I bet it'd look great on my floor.

Also...
>Hi, I'm anon.
>So?
>So now you know what to scream when I make you come tonight.

And of course
>Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
>>
How do you like your eggs in the morning? Sorry I'm keto
>>
>>701954740
you forgot ä ö and ü faggot
>>
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>>701955504
>>
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>>701955584
>>
>>701955584
ü is not how you spell å, anon.
>>
>>701954036
i work with a couple women you could use that on\
>>
>>701955490
6 inch are only 15,2 cm smallfag
thats not even big
thats only average
>>
>>701953750
Are you made of copper and tellurium?
Because you are 3-15$ per pound.
>>
>>701955787
fuck off ß is the way to go
>>
i'm sending all these to this grill on snapchat, it's fucking working

will upload nudes if they come
>>
>>701956057
Okay
>>
>>701956021
>not using the superior cyrillic alphabet
>фаггот
>>
hey gurl do you have aspergers cause i do
>>
Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
>>
>>701956021
damn you gotta be real fucking rich to make that line work
>>
>I have a fat stack of 100$ bills, now who want's to suck my dick?
>>
>>701957639
only one to work here
>>
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>>701956994
>not using czar-tier cyrillic alphabet correctly
Ёб твою мать, сука
>>
>>701953750
if you executed correctly it is a very good line.
>>
>>701956994
>>701958072
>Not using weeb superpowers
>ファッゴット
>OPはホモですよ。
As for pickup lines...
>Hello, miss. Need help fixing your plumbing?
>>
>>701954740
it has some potential, but the punchline is a little bit over the top
>>
>>701958238
Cause she smells like shit? Should have known you fucking weebs go for the greasy bitches who are the only people in the world that smell worse than you neckbeard shitdicks
>>
If you are Jesus I wanna be the cross.
>>
>>701955970
>implying you're average
>>
My friend over there dared me to come over here, he's convinced you're a tranny but I keep telling him you look too perfect to have been a guy. I mean if you are that's cool, I'm totally down to, uh, give a lady a bun for her hotdog. Either way I mean, I'm totally cool with it. My friend is the one who thinks you have a penis. I mean you don't, right? Look at you, your vag is probably smoother than a lubed bobsled, all tight and perfect but I bet it doesn't hold 4 guys! So, wanna grab a drink?
>>
>>701958581
Hey, for us neckbeard shitdicks, going for the greasy bitches isn't a preference; it's a necessity. The logic is as follows: If she smells like shit, she'll be so used to it that she won't notice that I reek like a fucking dumpster. Therefore, she won't instantly reject me. QED.
>>
>>701953750
"Ah, Usah Dude"
prepare to get a lot of pussy after that line bro
>>
>>701955501
This
>>
>>701959081

>Assad'd

Syrian Supremacy
>>
>>701953750
Nice shoes.

Want to fuck?
>>
"I started going out with somebody else"

My last gf used this line to break up with me after 7 years. Luckily I owned the house she lived in lel
>>
>>701954773

>pls respond
>>
>>701953750
Is this Wheel of Fortune? Cause I'd love to buy your vowel.
>>
>>701959376
Nice, sliced her up good!
>>
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>>701958954
You know, you also could pick up human beings by taking a shower more frequently than twice a year and not smell like shit.
>she wont instantly reject
Then follows the point in which she sees you.
There are options how to make yourself less of a neanderthal and more humanlike, but you fedoralords have restrictions to how humanlike you can get. The best you can go for is probably 3/10, but it's a lot better than a 0/10 trashcan pubscrub
>>
>>701955125
He's just trying to keep you from using his line.
>>
Do you know what roofies are?
No?
Can I buy you a drink.
>>
Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in raw.
>>
>>701953953
i usually say fried
>>
>>701954011
If you were a vegetable I'd pull the plug
>>
*girl about to drink something*

- Don't drink that !

*take the drink off her hand*

- I saw someone poisoning it !

- Oh thank you so much !

Wroks everityem
>>
>>701958865
If you got through that without being told to fuck off, I'd be impressed
>>
Does this napkin smell like chloroform?
>>
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this post is to cute to be on /b/ you need to run and hide your innocence
>>
>>701959666
Great, even Satan's a white knight now.
>>
>>701959878
>maxresdefault
>maxres
>>
>>701953750
you like dick? because i do
-OP
>>
>>701959495
>taking a shower more frequently than twice a year
>implying my body and personality allow me to aim higher than 0/10
shiggy diggy
>>
>>701954759
I DONT GET IT!
>>
this is not a pick up line,but the picture doesnt resemble me
im not cute,im ugly,im a fatass 11 year old faggot,i still have my eyes purple from 6 years ago,i want to die
>>
>>701960187
You obviously didn't have many friends as a kid.
>>
Do you have 11 protons? Because you're Sodium fine
>>
>>701959883
Kek
>>
>>701958865
This post might just be the worst fucking thing I've ever read
>>
You're the most beautiful girl in the room, and if I saw you on the street, you'd be in the top 5, depending on the steet.
You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model. You could spend part of your time being a model, and part of your time with me.
>>
>>701954927
>we
>>
"Hey, wanna start a family?"

Friend used this line, according to him it worked.
>>
>>701960315
EXPLAIN IT TO ME NIGGER
>>
>>701958865
This hurt to read.
>>
>if i was in a room with hitler and you, and i was given a revolver with 2 bullets, i'd shoot you twice
Worked once
>>
"Hey, want to get brutally raped in that alley by 4 niggers? if not you should come with me"
>>
>>701960560
Jesus fuck. And extended 'hey' implies flirtation and raunchy intentions. Making it obvious is the ice breaker.
>>
>>701955110
underrated
>>
>>701960414
You're so beautiful you're like a tree. Or like a high class prostitute. But like a high class, yeah a high class one.
>>
Hey bitch. My name is Chad. Let's have sexfuck.
>>
Say this while looking at the girl in the eyes.

"Ima flip this coin, whatever it lands on is what i get, k?"
>>
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>>701958865
>
>>
>>701958865
i love you
>>
>>701960677
SHITS STUPID I DONT LIKE YOU
>>
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>>701961117
>This is you
>>
Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by.
>>
You should sell hot dogs because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
>>
My dick died, May I bury it in your ass?
>>
I'm no weatherman but you can expect about 2 inches tonight
>>
This must be the 8th castle because i just found my princess.
>>
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>>701958865
>your vag is probably smoother than a lubed bobsled
>>
>>701953750
anon: How's your horse?
fem: what horse?
anon: your clitr-horse

Result:
fem: you're funny, please put babies inside me
>>
>>701953750
Hey babe, lets not turn this raep into a murder.
>>
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>>701958865
>give a lady a bun for her hotdog
>your vag is probably smoother than a lubed bobsled
>wanna grab a drink?
>>
*walk up to girl*
*ask for a napkin or some thing*
*draw a line on it and hand it to her*
Her: what's this?
You: a pick up line
[Put on a life vest to prevent drowning in pussy]
>>
>>701958865
That would totally work on me. In fact I'm getting moist reading it, no mean feat considering I'm a man.
>>
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>>701962119
That actually sounds doable.....
>>
>>701953750
I don't understand the need for pick up lines. I'm not the best looking guy but I have girls hitting on me.

I can be sitting in a bar, minding my own business, licking my eyebrows and girls just start talking to me.
>>
>>701962547
What do they say when they approach you anon?
>>
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"You have a vagina like a war-canoe and I'm going to ride it"
>>
>>701962365
Its a good ice breaker. Lol
>>
>>701962547
humorous and icebreaking texts

if you're actually using these in a bar, you're doing it wrong

except for this >>701962119
>>
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>>701953750
"My name is Kelvin and I'm a chemistry student. What are the chances of me taking you out to dinner tonight?"

Her: "ABSOLUTE ZERO"
>>
>>701954421
Mildly toxic? The metal itself, yes, salts of it are somewhat more evil though. Good thing you are not going to get in much contact with it because it is so rare.
>>
>>701962690
Everyone at a club goes to them so they can meet new people. So something gimmicky like that seems very plausible. It certainly beats this assholes >>701958865 poor excuse for a pick up line
>>
>Hey girl. Are you the pilsbury dough boys sister?
>Cause you're fucking fat goddamn

Fat girls need some love too
>>
There's no such place as Mouseville. It's just a fairytale these guys told you to keep you quiet.

Just thought you should know, faggot.
>>
>>701953988
This worked more often than it should
>>
>>701958865
I am crying. You won this thread.
>>
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>I choo choo choose you
>>
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It's not what you say, it's what you do. There is no best line, there is only sincerity.

If they look stressed I offer them a massage. Pic related, it's my technique.
>>
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This one is always a success.
>>
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>>
GET IN THE FUCKING VAN.
9/10 times it works.
>>
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>>701958865
What is wrong with you?
>>
>>701955478
Nah. OP is made from fluorine and silver.
>>
>>701963939
That makes Marmite gas
>>
>>701953750
I'd drag my dick across 5 miles of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie-talkie.
>>
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Good job /b/
>>
>>701964319
This isn't the youtube comments section.
>>
>>701964447
she's down for the D
>>
"You don't sweat much for a fat chick"
>>
>>701964530
Nigga, we're talking about bad pickup lines, you may be an expert but we don't care.
Quit down, you filthy slut.
>>
>>701964447
i like how her name is just "girl" like thats not fake at all
>>
>>701959448
whats her vowel?
>>
>>701965292

Lol, look at this clown.
>>
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>>701958865
>>
"It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again."
>>
>>701958660
you want someone else to nail him, while you hold his hands?
>>
>>701965527
i still dont get it.
>>
>>701953750
Eyyy gurl is your name Medusa? Cuz one look at you and I'm rock hard.
>>
>>701955337
Made me exhale slightly more air then normal
>>
Do pick up lines even fucking work? Like ever?

Like unless you're already handsome and a smooth fucker it seems like a good way to get laughed at
>>
>>701964642
Fuckin lol
>>
>>701959883
Kek'd
>>
>>701965199
because a faker cannot think of a girls name if they wanted to.
>>
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>>
>>701966729
I can tell you one thing and one thing only. And that is that this line >>701958865 will not work.
Guaranteed.
>>
>>701964642
10/10 neg
would neg again
>>
>>701966729
That's the point, you make them laugh and you are in.
>>
>>701967260

kek
>>
>>701967309
100% work everytime.

Try it,
>>
>>701959666
whatched too much HIMYM?
>>
>>701953750
Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
>>
Is it hot in here, or is just you?
>>
>>701960187
When someone would add multiple letters to the end of a word, often times it meant that person was more likely to be thrilled by you.

> hey
Regular
>heyy
We're kinda friendly whats up(or I'm faking friendliness)
>heyyy
I want to talk to you
>>
>>701953750
give that bitch a smiley face
bitches love smiley faces
>>
>>701967478
I like experiencing new things. But I draw the line at telling a woman her vag looks smoother than a lubed bobsled.
I just really don't want to do that
>>
>>701958865
That's dire
>>
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>>701967260
Top zozzle
>>
>>701967823
Man, you missing out.
>>
hey gurl, you wan sum fuk?
>>
>>701962547
>licking my eyebrows
kek
>>
Aw darn. I lost my number. May i have yours?
>>
>>701959661
Kek
>>
>>701967260
Ultimate kek
>>
>>701958865
I cant even...
>>
Best I ever heard:

>How much does an polar bear weigh?
She: "Dont know"
>enough to break the ice
>>
>>701961361
kek
>>
>>701955584
also ě š č ř ž ý á í é ú ů ť ď ň ó
>>
>>701959633
"Scrambled or fried?"

Bet that got you laid
>>
>>701953750
Very nice thread.

Gonna write down the best 20 and try them all on a birthday party next weekend
>lets see how 16 to 19 year old react to that shit
>>
>>701953750
Is your name Sandy? Cuz I wanna shoot a bunch of kids inside you
>>
>>701971008

It probably did. Bitches love a dude that I can cook... and pay bills.
>>
>>701971190

Ooph
Right in the awwws
>>
>>701954740
No girl will actually realize that u,r,a,q and t make only 20+5 letters
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6x-JVXkd8SQ
>>
>>701955206
>Got any midget in you?
>>
>>701955110
Why two?
>>
>>701955501
2 really bad ones and a stale joke. 2/10
>>
>>701957108
Kek'd
>>
Want to play the rape game?
No?
That's the spirit!
>>
>>701958072
Еб твою мать в жопу сука! педерас!
>>
>>701953750

Best pickup line : Hi

Worst pickup line : Everything else


why the fuck would you need a pickup line
>>
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th-thanks, /fit/
>>
>>701953750
Go to girl and tell her that you have mind-reading skills. Tell her to concentrate on her mobile number and you'll read it from her mind.

Start saying a number 0-7-etc as soon as she says no you say "damn, I need to practice this, what was your number so I can see where I went wrong".
>>
>>701961708
Fem: wtf is a "clitter horse"?
>>
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>>701958865
>smoother than a lubed bobsled
>>
>>701971190
Lol'd so hard
>>
>>701967604
boo
>>
>>701965199
Only girl he knows
>>
>>701953750
I came here to fuck and drink beer, and I'm out of beer.
>>
>>701954421
Just like cute girls :(
>>
>>701971969
top kek
>>
>>701958865
>my sides
>>
>>701956057
But how do we reach you if this 404s?
>>
>>701972971
I came here to fuck bitches and drink beer, and as i spent all my money it seems i will be doing neither.
>>
>>701973810
>implying he would ever deliver
>>
If you let me touch yours, I will let you touch mine.
>>
>>701963359
Wonder rated poast
>>
>>701974209
Have a little Hope
>>
>>701971207
Dahmer Alert!
>>
>>701960993
That's actually pretty good anon
>>
>>701953750
are you from Tennessee? because i would surely like to place my erect johnson into your stinkhole m'lady
>>
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>>701958865
>>
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>>701958865
>lube bobsled
KEK
>>
>>701953988
Always a classic
>>
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>>701958865
>>
>>701953750
It truly is an honor to be able to talk to such a beautiful woman...cause I put enough ghb in your drink to kill a horse.
>>
>>701974680
Little? That shit's bigger than most dicks.
>>
>>701972971
Lol this one is good. I could see it working for sure
>>
>>701958954
Go to bed, Kay.
>>
AYY gurl, u wan sum fukk?!?1
>>
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>>701958865
>>
>>701974892

Cereal is not cooking, so definitely not dahmer.
>>
>>701953750
Mennään meille, syödään pullaa ja ollaan alasti.

seriously, you don't need more in finland
>>
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>>701975522
>>
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>>701977193
Harambe pls go
>>
>>701977193
for all that is good and right in the world, never post this again. brb gotta wash my eyes with bleach
>>
>>701977193
dicks out for harambe
>>
>>701977350
#DicksOutForHambone
>>
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>come to my place, I have coke.
>>
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>>701977193
>>
>>701971536
always two
>>
>>701953750
Roses are red, i have a gun. Get in the car
>>
Is your dad fisherman? Because I can smell makrell down there
>>
Hey babe did you know I'm a dentist? Maybe I could fill some of your cavities, or maybe fill up something else?
>>
Hey, babe. You must be andy sixx cause I wanna duck a log of shit out of your ass hole
>>
>>701953750
wait i got a good one guys.guys. i tell you. its the bestest. "i shoot dog want to do the sex?"
>>
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>>701977396
>>
>>701972971
>out of beer

But... You're at a bar
>>
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>>701978828
STOP!
>>
>>701978954
joke's on you, we're at the gamestop.
>>
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>>701979079
>>
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>>
>>701979000
>>
>>701975198
i like this.
>underrated post.
>>
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>>701979000
Nice trips btw
>>
>>701971190
wow
>>
>>701979691
I didn't realize this was a rekt thread
>>
My love for you is like diarrhea I just cannot hold it in.
>>
>>701960640
Kek
>>
>>701979691
thx fam. 2nd set this morning.
>>
>>701955584

Jawohl, Genosse
>>
>>701958865

you win the internet
>>
>>701954773
very good
>>
>>701955504
I'm keto and I do eat eggs .... a lot ?? what's the meaning of your shit?
>>
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>>701958865
>>
On the scale of 1-10, you are 10.. on a PH scale. Cause you are a fucking basic bitch!!
>>
>>701981034
Hi keto. nice to meat you.
>>
>>701981301
hello !
>>
Do you have rats in your stomach?
If not, you probably have a fantastic pussy
>>
Does this handkerchief smell like chloroform to you?
>>
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>>701958865
I needed these keks, anon, thank you!
>>
>>701982006
>needlessly wasting money on a handkerchief instead of a rag
>>
>>701953750
may i just say that a smashing blouse you have on
>>
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>>701953750
To try at your next political rally:

Yo, bitch, do you suck, swallow and take it up the ass, or are you just a Bernie dyke?
>>
You don't need pick up lines when you're a rapist.
>>
My watch says you are not wearing any underwear. Oh sorry it's off by 1 hour.
Thread replies: 269
Thread images: 47
Thread DB ID: 76768



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