Fucking hell this hit home.
Time to do gym and work I'm procrastinating
it was fun for a little while to think that someone genuinely cared about me... i was probably just being conceited. i deserve to be alone. i just wish they would come out and actually tell me that i had fulfilled my purpose to them and that they didn't care about me anymore. i'm okay with being thrown away, i just don't want to be fooled into thinking i'm not.
this guy should definitely think about hiring those guys
>stay up late drinking
>realize that i've been drinking to drown out my sorrows so often that i now take an absurdly large amount of alcohol to properly get drunk
>lay down for a while
>feel like dying
>"i guess i should stop drinking for tonight"
>put the beers back in the fridge
>every time i say i'm going to quit, i don't, because there's nothing else in my life
>Want to bitch about my problems to someone
>Realize I have nobody
>End up going to /b/
how pathetic can i get
You may be pathetic, but you're not alone. Every single person in this thread is right here with you.
>want to die
>never, even now, considered dying by my own hands
is this purgatory
i'd probably be alright if i just had someone who loved me and who i loved back. that would be enough i think.
I'm 22 and I've never had a girlfriend
but hey whatever
>be me grade 11 2013-2014 year
>be 15, born in November 1997
>finally start liking girls (late bloomer)
>fall for this one girl
>we're in band together 2nd year in a row
>we were in middle school band too, but I didn't remember her
>she plays flute
>why do the prettiest girls play the flute?
>be shy beta fag
>decide to be her friend
>turns out we both like Zelda, have social interaction issues, etc...
>band camp trip
>sitting with her and her friends at table
>she starts talking about "Dustin"
>ask who Dustin is
>she says Dustin is her boyfriend
>show no reaction but inside feel this burning sensation
>she sometimes talks about her sexual relations with Dustin
>fast forward to 2015-2016 year
>give her my cell # and email on last day of class
>she occasionally texts me
>she has no idea how I feel about her
>everything I've ever tried to accomplish has been a failure
>all of my projects end in failure or are never completed
>used to have hopes and dreams until I fucked up all of my opportunities
>it doesn't matter how hard a task is or how much I want to succeed
>it doesn't matter if I have to work for it or if its practically given to me I still find a way to fuck it up
>try to learn new things or to better my skills
>fail to grasp the new concepts and get discouraged after I can't even get the first fucking step right no matter how long or hard I try
>try to improve on the things I can do, fail to remember new concepts and ultimately never apply them or outright fail to actually understand them in the first place
>even in the things I'm good at I'm not even that great, average or slightly above average skill level in them
>never been able to hold a job, practically given a path that could have lead to my dream job though like the incompetent lazy idiot I am I fucked it up and completely ruined that opportunity
>can't even get hired at the local dollar store due to the fact that I have no experience whatsoever and I'm still I HS failing at 19 years old
>wake up every morning with something I want to do or learn, a new idea and a new scheme to better my life no matter how small
>fuck that up too
>try to come up with small little projects in areas I understand well but never can come up with any ideas
>occasionally come up with a really cool idea, plan it out, draw up blueprints and write parts lists, think up strategies and put all of my efforts into making it a reality, but ultimately they always fail due to the fact that I can never afford the equipment I need
>expelled from school once almost completely ruining my record and making it ten times harder to get into post secondary, if I ever manage to escape secondary
>horrible autistic level social skills, have lived my life completely alone and hold only two or so friends who I never see in person and barely ever talk to who as of late have actively began refusing to invite me to any things they do together
>haven't even kissed a girl let alone had a meaningful relationship with one, closest I've ever gotten I asked a girl out and she just stood me up and ignored me for the rest of the year
>family cheated out of large sums of money and inherited land by other family members and friends
>have lived most of my teen life on food stamps with a clinically depressed mother in a house that was falling apart covered in dog feces only slightly turning up in the last three or so years when we finally got on our feet and got her medication
>try to go to a therapist and they refer me to a psychologist who's a compete idiot and diagnosed me with fucking video game addiction of all things when I clearly exhibit signs of serious depression ADD and Schizophrenia according to the therapist and instead of offering me the help I need he essentially tells me to get a fucking life and that he can't help me
>don't want to die as that seems pointless to me, might as well live and maybe with the law of large numbers some day it'll get better
>don't blame my failure on my supposed mental illness, its my fault for failing to make something out of my life
>don't blame anyone else for this, yet again its still my fault
I wish I wasn't me or wasn't on this planet. I'd ask why this happens to me but I know the answer
mate, don't worry, women are the niggers of humanbeings
>dont even go on 4chan much anymore, just show up in feels threads every once and a while because it's the only place where i feel at home
Hey /b/, I just wanted to tell you I am starting to feel better! Still 350 pounds but I've been going to the gym a few times a week, and feel more confident. Maybe there is hope for me yet?
>mfw I can't even tell b8 from newfags anymore
Here's my story. It's pretty boring but I feel like sharing.
>Living with my mom and brothers
>parents were divorced when I was young, still would visit father occasionally
>dad texts me all the time asking how I am and shit
>mother an alcoholic
>freshman year of highschool
>friends since 3rd grade too cool for me now
>start socially withdrawling
>browse /b/ constantly
>play vidya in room all day
>develop such severe social anxiety I can't even talk to family members
>only contact with mother is arguments daily
>my one brother I argue with constantly as well
>say incredibly fucked up things to my mother, like that she's a terrible mother, it's her fault my one brother is unsuccessful and her fault I don't have friends
>say incredibly fucked up things to my brother, that he's a leech on our family and I don't care at all about him
>stop responding to dad's texts
>stop visiting dad when brothers go to college
>just me and mom
>fast forward to junior year
>on acid, attempt suicide
>scared of myself, I tell my mom
>she's angry at me, yells at me, gets me into treatment
>mom always asking me to come out of my room
>asking me to come with her to watch a movie or eat dinner with her
>always refuse, yell at her for bothering me
>brothers come to visit, ask me if I want to hang out with them
>I say I'm busy playing videogames
>always tell me "i can talk to them about anything"
>still get texts from dad asking how I'm doing, never respond
>Fast forward, summer before going to college
>Things have gotten slightly better for me socially it seems
>Old friends invite me out to parties unexpectedly, are all really nice for some reason
>Still spend most of my time playing vidya tho
>One night my mom is crying, comes into my room
>"ANON! WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME!?WHY WON'T YOU COME INTO THE REAL WORLD!??"
>Suddenly it clicks for me
This isn't me showing off btw
>have rich parents
>been all over the world before I was 12
>safaris in Africa, Eastern Asia allover Europe, most states in the US, Canada Mexico a few countries in Samerica, lived on Hawaii, sailed along the Virgin Islands up the entire US coast through Bermuda to Maine before I was 12, seen so many different kinds of animals and once in a lifetime experiences
>I'm now in my 20s and I literally find no joy in anything because it's just too plain, can't have a nice dinner with a girlfriend because it's just dinner, I might as well be doing this or that, not that I find any joy in those either because when I do those I just get bored and want to something else
>lose relationships because I'm so chronically bored that I can't fall asleep and I'm just tired all day every day so they think I don't care about them anymore
>so used to lying about everything so people leave me alone that I lie without thinking about it in everyday conversations and to anyone
I literally don't know what to do anymore.
>My mother has still cared about me all this time, even though I was a total asshole to her and never stopped asking me to do things with her even though I always refused
>Brothers care about me even though I was an asshole to them and ignored them
>Dad always kept texting me asking me how I was and giving me updates even though I never responded
>even old friends when I came out asked me how I was and how I was doing, why I was spending all day in my house and tried to hook me up with girls etc.
>realize I've completely destroyed relationships with everyone in my life who has ever cared about me
>Leaving for college now, no time to make up for lost time
>wasted away highschool years
>brothers have jobs in other parts of the country
>off at college, little time at home with mom
>Dad dies of multiple strokes alone, my step mom was busy at work
>mfw I was sitting in my room all day ruminating about how nobody cares at me when I was surrounded by people that had cared about me the whole time
>mfw my dad died having not even talked to me in years, never stopping thinking about me even though I've done nothing but ignore him
>mfw I'm literally the most horrible person in existence
>that feel knowing that if you died tomorrow the only people who would genuinely care would be your relatives
yeah, sometimes I wonder about that...
>that feel knowing that, and the fact that a different close relative killed themselves from being in constant pain medication so now I can't do it because it would probably fuck up my family for life x2
I just got back from this actually:
I often go out at 1-3am walking aimlessly, hoping to god for any human interaction, maybe someone out there is lonely like me and out for an aimless walk too. maybe we'd run into eachother??
everyone walks by me like im a ghost since they've all got their own lives
sometimes I'll run into someone and hang out for a while but they're always drunk like me and it doesn't lead to any worthwhile relationship but at least I had a moment of interaction with somebody.
I'm pretty drunk atm.
I've lost all my friends and my life is falling apart.
all I ever think about is killing myself but I'm too hopeful that something will change without me having to put any effort into it.
I feel unable to put effort into life.
but at least I have some hope. I'll try not to kill myself but it is all I think about all day every day.
>really want to kill self
>know that if i did so, someone else i know would almost certainly do the same
>can't let them die
I was going to type up my story but I'm done with feeling sad.
I have a girlfriend now.
I build tuners as a hobby.
And I have new friends.
Guys love your dad, mom, brothers, sisters, pets, the people you play csgo with now. Fuck your ego and throw away your doubts. Give yourself the chance you need just once.
>get tricked into loving someone
>seems like they love me
>after a while they lose interest
>they still say they love me
>i know they're just trying to make me feel better
>for some reason, get this interest in having children
>sometimes catch myself thinking about how i would raise my kid
>go back to reality, KLV
>why even think about kids when i am like this
mostly, anyway. you know??
and when I say mostly, it's since the depressions and anxieties are what mostly make up our personalities since we're so controlled by them.
it's cool. It'll work out one day I think. For both of us. And all of us. Just gotta hang on.
>get really fucking drunk pretty often
>forget about my life for a while
>when i start getting shitfaced, suddenly remember all about my life
>laugh bitterly at all the things i'll have to do tomorrow
>try to drink until i don't get up tomorrow
>keep waking up the next day
>laying down, listening to music, eyes closed, just thinking
>remember how you can kill yourself painlessly using laughing gas
>think about how it wouldn't hurt to do it, how i could just lay down, listen to some chilled out music and before i know it, i would be gone
>it would be just like what i'm doing now
>open my eyes
>sit up, tears start falling
>should probably be upset at myself for thinking about stuff like that
>don't feel anything at all really
>my granfather died few days ago
>he was that kind of grandfather you'd love as a kid, you know, that kind of calm funny guy
>when I talked with my mother on a phone about that, she couldn't stop crying
>I didn't feel a shit tho
>had to attend funeral today
>didn't feel a sad
>all I thought about was that I am hungry
I should feel sad, I know I should but I just...I just don't.
>seriously looking up suicide for the first time
>get freaked out by all i read and how easy it would be
>want to go to everyone i care for and apologize for considering it
>want to run into their arms crying and be comforted
>nobody i know is awake
>have nobody to talk to
>no arms to run into even if they were awake
>won't feel this way when i wake up tomorrow
>insert feeling here
Had a -somewhat- similiar experience last month
>girlfriend and I have a rough patch
>says she wants to talk
>tells me she wants to break up
>she starts listing things that has made her sad
>all I think about is things I did during the day
>tell her it's okay
>just go about my life
My brother and me did the same thing with our Mom. We were 15 at the time and were in the hospital when our Mom died down the hall from the room we were in. All the other family members started to cry and we just sat there and waited for everyone to finish and decide on who was going to take us. They all thought we needed therapy since we didn't shred a single tear or have a crack in our voices. I guess the main difference between you and us is that you had good memories about the person who died.
Get a Motorcycle OP every trip becomes an adventure. but watch out for chinks in 4x4 thats what killed my bike.
You sound like a cunt anon, You would have made you dads days with a simple text back.
Fuck 6am. Can't sleep. Pretty much two of three days I chose between being sober and sleep. The third day I finally sleep because of the exhaustion.
Then I crack and it starts all over again.
I type out my story every baww/feel thread I come across. But once Im done typing I just delete it. If I post it, its almost like im admitting im alone. I feel its better I live in my fantasy world.
>One night playing vidya
>Decide that I wanted to play with one of my friends. No one is online
>Call cousin (closest friend that I have) to see if he wants to play.
>"Hold on I'm in a match."
>Realize that he blocked me.
>Realize that all my other friends blocked me.
>Realize that I have no friends.
>try to be funny or at least somewhat interesting
As gays as its sounds be yourself dont need to try so hard for approval.
How long have you guys been friends plus do they live close or near to each other?
>Once I thought I had friends
>But then I realized that all I do is sit in my room alone
>While all my other friends are hanging out with each other
>One day I try texting friends if they want to hang out.
>They were all busy, as they usually are.
Can't be fucked green text because mobilefag but here goes with a real short one
Be me, 16
Friend with girl who smokes pot heaps
3 months go by
We see each other whenever we can
Eventually work up courage to tell her how I feel
She responds well
Says she likes me too
2 weeks later
Start hearing she's a bit of a slut
Let that slide, it's in the past
She invites me over for drinks
Tells me she loves me more than anything
Get together becomes party
She fuxks this guy to get free weed
I get mad and leave
Go for a walk with some friends
They say how I'm better than her
I get mad and say some bad things about her
Realize I'm too fucked up to go home to dad
I'd be a dead little nigger
Go back to party to crash
She went lookin for me
She hasn't come back
2 hours pass so I got out with friends lookin for her
Find a car crashed
Its her, and the guy she fucked is driving
I try to drag her out but its too late
Guy only cares about his car
He goes to prison not sure for how long
My best friend maybe even more is dead
I'm fuckin destroyed for months
Still depressed that she fucked someone else, but mad at that guy, to him she was another girl he could fuck but to me she was way more, but now she's simply a distant memory
>Text a grill every day.
>We even met up, kissed and we watched a movie while she rested on my shoulder.
>Thinking this gon be good.
>Keep texting her, get a bit closer and get to know each other a bit more.
>Suddenly she texts me: "I'm not in a mood to text, maybe you should leave me alone. It's not you but me,"
>"It's not you but me"
>Code for "It's you"
I hate myself for coming to these threads.
My life really isn't that bad. I some have friends, a job I only hate when I'm tired or in pain, a roof over my head, a car to get me to and fro. I'm on good terms with my parents. I've got hobbies.
>In pain frequently. Not enough to warrant going to the dr, but enough to be inconvenient.
>Feel like everything around me is falling apart.
>Afraid to drink because my sibling and father have expressed alcoholic tendencies
>Musician with no more passion or creativity
>13 months after a failed suicide attempt and subsequent institutionalization, still having traumatic flashbacks
>No dating prospects, last one ended very poorly
The world has gone gray for me.
when ANYONE gives up thier starting pokemon that is typhlosion, that is FUCKING LOVE. i adore my typhlosion, that hit me hard when she gave it up. fuck i'd cry if i gave him up.
>Meet this kid named Mike. Mike called me a cocksucker for no reason.
>Few years pass by. Now I'm in 5th grade and me and Mike are in th same class.
>One day decide to show him a picture of a naked girl I found in my dads stuff.
>Both get caught
>Both become best friends from that day forward.
>Fast forward to middle school. We are inseperable.
>Teachers see me, Mike, and 2 other kids together so often that when they don't see us together they ask why.
>Refer to us as the gang.
>Me and mike are the closest though.
>Me and Mike had tons of crazy adventures. From being in middle school and yelling beaner at these two seniors and then hiding in the locker room from them.
>All the way to watching porn together in the locker room when bored.
>One thing you need to know is that Mike comes from a poor family. His brother got shot and died when he was 11 and his mom does Heroin and opiates.
>8th grade year now. Mike comes to school with 4 of his moms pills.
>Me and the rest of the gang (along with Mike) take them.
>Enter highschool. Introduced to a lot of things.
>Me and Mike start snorting pills and smoking pot regularly.
>Fastforward to 10th grade.
>He found his moms heroin and snorted it.
>He decides that he wants more.
>Mike eventually ends up getting addicted to Heroin. Me and the gang knew this and we tried to get him off, but nothing would prevail.
>One day he doesn't show up to school. I text him, but no reply. Send him about 20 messages, but still no reply.
>Go to his house, door is unlcoked, walk in and see his mom sleeping on the couch.
>I go up to his room and knock on his door
>No reply. Try opening the door, but it is locked
>Start to pund on the door
>I eventually kick down the door and see him looking pale, lying on his bed with a syringe in his arm
>Run up to him and shake him but no response
>I called 911
>They had to pry him out of my arms, while I cry hysterically
>TFW your bestfriend is dead
I honestly relate to this feel. A drunk driver killed my mother when i was 12. Ive gone up to her grave and just sat there not really doing anything just crying for a half an hour.
thread is going to die so i'm making it hit the image limit
god i wish i could just work up the strength to kill myself.
Loved a girl for 4+yrs.
She moved in with me 5 states away.
We were deep in love. Like till we die type of love.
I got into a bad place.
Decided to let her go back home for a while so I could clean up myself.
She promised we would be close for ever.
Even if things went sideways, and we dated other people, we would stay in touch and be good friends.
That was 9 months ago. She mssg me 3 times in the first 2 months.
Have not heard a word from her since.
I still wait for her. I refuse to see anyone else...
I think about suicide everyday and it's getting harder and harder everyday to not off myself and the only thing that is stopping is my farther. Everyday he's there for me supportin me and always asking me how I am and I put on a fake smile because I know if he knows what I think it would break him. He does everything for me. He has even work jobs 7 days a week that break him metally and physically just so I would have a bed and food to eat. This is this first time I've even said this to anyone.
I feel like shit now, i dont even have the balls to go and sit next to her just for talk, i get jealous with every single guy that talks to her, it eats my mind. How she will notice me if i act like i dont exist to her?
i wish my father would do this for me.....
lucky for me my parents split when i was like 5 and he is out probably high off his ass at a party somewhere.
You're all autistic sperg lords, seriously everyone of you needs to die.
GET OFF MY BOARD!
CPS is the stupidest fucking shit sometimes. Video of parents smacking their child's bottom = child taken away for months until investigation is resolved.
Child has constant bruises that are alleged to be from their minority parents beating them = cultural differences that they cant get involved in...
It's worth the hassle once you find someone that likes you for being you. I should know... Trust me you will know when you found someone that is worth the fight and hassle of it all. You just need to be yourself and find them.
>Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
If he really believes they reunite, by furthering his revenge he will be forever separated from Charlotte. And he only creates more evil in this world, possibly destroying the lives of innocent people, who in turn may follow the pattern and destroy the lives of the next generation.
Well it is my first post on 4chan but I think I need it.
>Be me, 16 year old Frenchfag
>Have a awsome family, really cool step-father
>He is smart, humble, always have a positive view of life
>Go in school trip in Italia for 1 week.
>Have great times with friends, so cool
>Last day of the trip step-father call me on my phone
>Fuck it, I am with friends I will call him later
>go back in France
>mother get me at the bus stop
>she is worry, she can't find my step father
>Search him for 2 hours, We can't find him.
>Go in police station, my mother get a call
>My step father commited sucide in his office
>Can't belive it, he was such a happy man !
>We discover later that he had depression, he hid it to all the family.
>Get his phone, looked at it, he called all the people that he loved a last time.
>that was the phone call that I didn't response.
Since that time my mother move on, I didn't
For a first post that's not too bad, fellow frenchfag. It' normal not being able to move on. Someone you held dear killed himself. That's fucking hard.But you will have to. You'll keep his memory, and strive to be like him, and become a man he would be proud of. It's easy to say, hard to do, but that's all the advice I can give you.
And welcome to 4chan.