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Choose an useless superpower.
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Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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Choose an useless superpower.

>The ability to warm up beer
>>
Nice djöfulli lýst mér vel á þig.

>the power to be invisible when no one is looking.
>>
Ability to cool down tea
>>
The ability to sense whenever a moth is within a hundred yards.
>>
Luminescent farts
>>
levitate 2 centimeter above the ground
>>
>>701369536
Ice-tea is pretty great.
>>
>>701369527
That's actually bretty useful since you can avoid being detected by cameras
>>
>>701369068
are you implying that there is no "too cold" with beer? are you american?
>>
>>701369068
You could boil beer that a person has drunk and then rob their corpse.
>>
The ability to increase gravity only upon myself.
>>
>>701369674
Ooh that's good!

New thread! Scrap this one, its shit, OP.

New idea: Choose a useless superpower - other anon's find a use for it.
>>
>>701369068
>Implying creating energy out of nothing is not literally breaking the laws of the universe and exploitable to unbelievable levels
>>
>the ability to cut bread in two identical half
>>
>>701369826
>>the ability to cut bread in two identical half
Ahem... identical sandwiches!
>>
>>701369068
I can impregnate any women i choose.
>>
The ability to fly like Superman but only in planes
>>
the ability to eat soup with a fork
>>
>>701369645
super mine clearer power!
>>
>>701369068Ability cut bread
>>
>The ability to see under clothes but only with ugly males
>>
>>701369951
That would be pretty useful if all your spoons were dirty
>>
The ability to check dubs
>>
Ability to breath under water but only when you are not in contact with water
>>
Perfect recall of every orgasm your parents have had and what got them off.
>>
>>701369068
the power to kill yourself at the speed of time.
>>
Obviously the ability to get a half chub when looking at a nice ass
>>
>>701369645
Useful in winter on frozen ground or in any other slippery area. Additionally, no friction to the ground should make it easier to walk/levitate longer distances.
>>
The ability to give niggers aids.
>>
Superhero strength only when nuts are being sucked by a faggot op
>>
Time travel but only during prison rape by black men
>>
Bread cut
>>
>>701370026
you can always put the soup into a cup and drink it
>>
>>701369068
the ability to make immediately any piece of bread soaked in water
>>
The ability to see under the clothes, but limitated to ugly people
>>
>>701370163
So, constantly?
>>
Ultimate knowledge of any language that has, is and will be but noone can understand you, and you cannot write or read.
>>
The ability to make any cat meow on command, buy only if the cat feels like it.
>>
The ability to post cp without being banned but only on /x/
>>
>>701369931
Good for thwarting muslims
>>
The ability to come up with funny useless superpower ideas on 4chan
>>
>>701369068
You could warm up other peoples beers.
>>
Make bread cut Good
>>
>>701370003
Check Arabs at the airport
>>
The ability to make a bed without any wrinkles in the sheets.
>>
>>701369068
>build massive vats full of beer
>apply power to warm said beer
>have mechanism to pull heated beer out and turn heat into usable energy
>gg
>>
>>701370349
and some beer types are drunk when warm.
>>
Make bed cut good
>>
Behold, The-Spectacular-Never-Gets-Wet-Boy!
Excuse the BO!
>>
>>701369068
The ability to create invisible money.
>>
>>701369768
Become an astronaut and walk normally on planets and in space stations.
>>
Drinks unlimited amount of beer but always be needing to piss
>>
Being able to talk to plants, but they can't talk back
>>
The ability to blow air through your dickhole
>>
>>701370003
All terrorists are ugly. You'd be rich as you would make security checks at airports. For the beautiful ones, the personnel will look after.
>>
>>701369931
You could easily kidnap planes.
>>
>>701369068
The ability to sauce the unsauceble. No wait, this would be a quite useful superpower...

Also, SAUCE?
>>
>>701370294
lol
>>
the ability to sneak on your tippy toes silently but only while screaming.
validate my power, if you can.
>>
>>701370304
kekd
>>
The ability to stop someone from sneezing
>>
Diarrheakinesis
>>
>>701370294
why would this be useless?
>>
>>701369068
The power to re-grow fingernails at will but only by half an inch.
>>
>>701370512
lel
>>
Ability touch grills tits without peenie going boom
>>
Glow in the dark sperm
>>
>>701370514
What kinda speeds and amounts we talking here? I can see some use in having a penis mounted air cannon
>>
Breathe under water as long as I am touching air.
>>
>>701370494
That's actually me.
>>
>>701370514
Best superpower ever. You'd be a milestone in porn industry as you just need an artificial sperm feeder. Endless cumshot. First man to do Bukakke alone. Drowning women.
>>
dancing for money actually working for me.
>>
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>>701370657
Cos your mom is blowing me
>>
The ability to identify straights and gays on /b/
>>
>>701370450
Damn. that would be outright hazardous.
>>
The ability to feel someone else's pain
>>
Infinetly stretchy nipples, except once stretched, they never go back. The longer they get, the easier they are to stretch.
>>
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>>701369068
>The ability to warm up beer
we already have that power
>>
The ability to scream without a mouth.
>>
Ability to turn tacos into shit
>>
>>701370792
Get a UV-light, jerk off and be surprised.
>>
>>701370645
I could see that being useful every now and again.
>>
>>701370813
That's usefull. You could hide under water for hours just with your finger sticking out.
Or put a finger or a foot in a bag of air.
>>
>>701370903
kek
>>
>>701370514
Luftkanone
>>
>>701370450
So half the people reading this?
>>
the ability to be a nigger but can never change back.
>>
>>701369824
how
>>
>>701370923
>>701370929

Don't u have anus?
>>
>>701371028
/thread
>>
The ability to stop time for only yourself. Meaning you would be frozen in time and everyone else would carry on.
>>
>>701370040
wet suit?
>>
>>701370960
there's actually a tarantula that can do that. it uses its leg hairs to move the air bubbles to its book lungs.

the more you know
>>
>>701371003
Imagine, it gets to the point where you nipples touch across the equator and a bunch of kids decide to stretch them even more for laughs.
>>
The ability to smoke cigarettes without getting cancer but you have to have anal sex with a man every time you smoke
>>
>>701371023
Too close to home
>>
USA
>>
>>701370184
>rape extremely attractive person
>Go to prison
>raped by black men
>time travel back before you committed the crime
You now know what it felt like having sex with a specific person
>>
>>701370960
What if air was a rancid fart from my sphincter?
>>
>>701370102
Kek
>>
>>701371148
Anon you're a genius
>>
>>701369645
You could be super usefull in a minefield
>>
>>701371058
Put giant beer container
Warm until it boils
Make energy with the emited gaz with wheels
infinite power

u mad brah?
>>
>>701369068
The ability to float, but only a little bit above the ground.
>>
>>701371228
or when you spill something in your kitchen and are only wearing socks.
>>
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>the power to be happy
>>
>>701369690
i am happy drinking beer at all temp ranges and im american. warm beer is like a weird sort of tea, and it reminds me of backpacking trips where the beer is always warm and its wonderful anyways
>>
>>701370111
>No friction
>easier to walk
Can't walk anywhere without friction
>>
>>701369068
Free power source. Heating a liquid to turn a turbine is how several types of power plants function. Replace water with beer to make your power function then rapid boil thousands of gallons at once.
>>
The ability to comunicate with fish.
Fuck you aquaman
>>
>>701371265
wow, how original.
genius
>>
The ability to communicate with clams.
>>
>>701370102
put down the doobie
>>
>>701370066
Dear lord that's pure evil
>>
Blessed with 10/10 boobs but they only give gay doods erections.
>>
>>701369768
Become an invincible sumo fighter
>>
>>701370566
ásdís dögg guðmundsdóttir
>>
The ability to change someone's eye colour.
>>
>>701370066
HAHAHAHAHA
>>
>>701371354
The power to put down the doobie, but once you do, you can never touch another one
>>
>>701371280
lmao
>>
>>701369527
>go invisible while no one is looking
>stay invisible cause no one can see you
Doesn't sound too bad
>>
chicks cum just by looking at you but only the fat, ugly, horrible ones
>>
The power to think like a furry.
>>
>>701371389
Have a job as an ungayer
>>
>>701371298
I would be more like the Marty McFly hoverboard. Give yourself a quick kick and levitate for a certain distance.
>>
The ability to start fires with my eyes
>eyes have to make physical contact
>skull would always be on fire
>dead oops
>>
>>701369068
not bad for british beer
>>
The power to know when your ex girlfriend is having an orgasm with another guy
>>
>>701371407
as if people wouldnt spend thousands for you to do that to them.
>>
>>701371094

freeze yourself for like 5 million years
everybody dies
unfreeze
become god
>>
>>701369824
pro tip: most super powers would be breaking the laws of the universe, that's why they aren't real
>>
>>701371290
>warm beer is [...] wonderful anyways

no. warm beer is like warm coke. pretty disgusting.

i was aiming at americans who think that every sort of beer is best drunk ice cold, which is wrong for many types of beer.
>>
>>701371573
how would you unfreeze if you are frozen in time?
>>
The ability to see two seconds into the future.
>>
>>701371573
xsept no unfrez
>>
>>701371557
This is fucking useful to know if shes a cheating whore
>>
>>701371572
hehehe
>>
>>701370835
kek
>>
Ability to touch my nuts with my tongue
>>
>>701371624
the opinions and preferences of other individuals are wrong if they are not the same as mine.
- anon
>>
the power to make hetero girls to lesbians! :D
>>
>>701369068
the ability to see 0.0000000001 second isideways in time
>>
The ability to cum broccoli juice
>>
>>701371674
if you think your ex is cheating on you, then you might be retarded.
>>
>>701371637

it says you can stop time for yourself while others continue on normally
it was never specified that you can only freeze yourself without the ability to unfreeze at one point
>>
>>701370635
>>701370635
Soundproof air cooled orphan powered helmet
>>
The ability to fart whenever somebody touches your skin
>>
The ability to unlock empty cabinets
>>
The power to fly but only when my heart has stopped.
>>
>>701371809
if the time is stopped for you you cant do anything, not even thinking retard
>>
>>701370635
Robbing a deaf person as they cant feel vibrations of tippie tows.
>>
The ability to see 2 seconds into the past
>>
>>701369658
But not iced tea with milk in it.
>>
>>701371647
Insanely useful for fights.
>>
>>701371845
ultimate "pull my finger" joke.
>>
>>701370929
That would be funny as fuck
>>
The ability to store bees inside your anus
>>
>>701371904
Toes** my bad
>>
The ability to predict the future of everyone I don't know the existence of
>>
>>701371389
At least it'll get you hard
>>
>>701371955
goddamn i spouted cola over my keyboard

also checked
>>
Magnetic Colon
>>
>>701371647
See a man about to pull the trigger behind you, move just in time to get clipped in the shoulder instead of a headshot. Shit yourself to scare him away.
>Death avoided
>>
>>701371904
as if deafs can't feel the vibrations of violent screaming.
or also the fact that being silent does not mean that the pressure applied cannot be felt.
>>
>>701371955
You can already do that, retard.
>>
>the ability to run faster than the speed of sound but only when you're on a bus
>>
>>701369068
The ability to make other people experience that Deja' Vu feeling whenever you want.
>>
>>701372047
getting to the front of the bus before anyone else when it stops
>>
To not look depressed when having the good d
>>
>>701371743
"warm beer is great" is a very unpopular preference and the individuals who hold it likely don't mind criticism
>>
>>701372072

I'm sure someone posted this already
>>
>>701369068
...and nobody comments on the midget jumping into the pool? You're slacking.
>>
>>701372072
I had the weirdest feeling while reading your post...
>>
>>701369068
The ability to invent useless superpowers
>>
>>701371904
They'd feel the scream vibrations moron
>>
>>701371998
i bet you would need less iron in your nutrition to stay healthy
>>
The ability to undress anyone or myself with my eyes
>>
>>701372104
Unless your black.
>>
>>701371888

Doesn't even matter than, you become a god regardless since you're frozen thus immortal.
all you have to do is pick a good spot on top of a mountain or some shit while people jerk off to the possibility of on immortal being
>>
>>701371481
Ahem .. that power does already exist. It's called "Justin Biber"
>>
>>701371955
>The ability to store bees inside your anus

Oh so you'll be the guy with bees in his butt and when he farts he farts bees at you?
>>
>>701372039
What a time to bee alive
>>
>>701370859
>straights
>/b/
pick one
>>
The ability to turn anyone's hair into a bowl cut.
>>
>>701371094
Couldn't you just stand still?
>>
The power to melt ice but only in temperatures above 100f
>>
>>701371803
I oversaw the ''ex'' part. My bad
>>
>>701371888
>>701372216
Shhh you lost, trips speak
>>
>>701372216
but you would not be able to enjoy it and most likley a mountain lion would eat you after 3 days
>>
>>701369536
I don't like burning my mouth on tea. That would make me drunk tea more it's always just so hot.
>>
>>701371530
rip
>>
The ability of projecting your thoughts into people's head but with only feminist propaganda.
>>
>>701369068
The ability to get source on OP's pic.
>>
>>701372246
fuck off faggot

cancer go back to faggedit
>>
>>701372136
criticizing might have a different effect than stating an opinion as fact.
could be wrong though.
>>
The ability to kill a fly with my asshole.
>>
The ability to make yourself black instantly but only when pulled over for a minor traffic violation. This is involuntary.
>>
>Xray vision, that only work on jellyfish
>>
>>701371476
Underrated
>>
>>701372383
>Closet faggot who browses trap threads detected
>>
>>701372358
US gov would pay you lots of money as torturer in guatanamo
>>
>>701369536
So just blowing and stirring it
>>
>>701372194
that was meant as a reply to the anon i replied to. but sure.
>>
>>701372447
*guantanamo fuck
>>
The ability to turn a woman's period into strawberry jam
>>
The power to turn money into foodstamps
>>
>>701371845
I'd employ you in my factory, selling methane. Normal shift, only during busy production times you'd get a hose in your ass and we produce in 3 touching shifts.
>>
>>701369068
Don't europoors love warm beer.
>>
>>701369609
Shit would be dope. I like moths
>>
>>701372312

kys newfag
>>
>>701372424
extremely helpfull in europe
>>
The ability to see through steel.
But only 0,0001 micron in depth.
>>
The ability to be unharmed by every 3rd bullet to my body
>>
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The ability to rewatch movies for the first time but still know if they were good or not.

I wouldn't really call this useless though
>>
>>701369068
Every single superpower Superman has

>I'm a nihilist
>>
>>701372392
actually now that i read it again...

>warm beer is like a weird sort of tea, and it reminds me of backpacking trips where the beer is always warm and its wonderful anyways

i overread the nostalgia aspect of it. fair enough.
i was on rails due to a pet peeve of mine.
>>
>>701372533
german here
KYS YOU FUCKING MORON FAGGOT ROT IN HELL!!!!111!!!
>>
>>701372308
Overlooked, fag
>>
The ability to travel back in time but you die instantly once you get there.
>>
>>701372439
dang.
pretty fucking good.
although samefag is suspected.
>>
>>701372508
I want that. sell it and I become a millionaire.
>>
The power to levitate, but only in zero gravity conditions
>>
The ability to shit myself while asleep. But only if an Ariel Winter is sucking on my balls.
>>
>>701372533
nope
>>
>>701372494
juantanamo*
>>
>>701372533
the brittish drink ale which is best served at room temperature

The rest of europe drink cold beer.

Fun fact: it was the europeans who introduced cold beer to america. You are welcome
>>
>>701372649
never bump your head at iss
>>
>>701372682
no pedro
fuck off
>>
>>701370483
Invisible throwing ammunition.
>>
>>701372592
that's better than nothing.
>>
>>701370483
unlimited energy
>>
>>701372700

The Europeans introduced EVERYTHING to America you idiot.
>>
>>701372608
that would be usefull when you get shot, travel back in time, take the bullet and save past you.
>>
the ability to take the shape of a very beautiful man/woman but only dogs and cats can see it
>>
Your mind automatically censors all pictures of naked woman
>>
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>>701369068
If it's a fucking "useless superpower", is it even a fucking power? I mean doing something that is useless, does not give anyone any "power". KYS faggot!
>>
>>701372604
>>701372680
I'm pretty sure I've seen some movies that had jokes about shitty warm eurofag beers. I guess you guys finally got refrigeration down? Next how about that sand nigger problem.
>>
>>701372592
>shoot your toes with small calliber gun two times
>be immune to next bullet
>???
>profit
>>
>>701371647
Make shitton of cash at esports
>>
Ability to turn every woman into cool, interesting and useful being. But only if she's dead.
>>
>>701372882
thats britbongs, they dont count anymore
>>
The power to correctly identify someone's gender just by looking at them.
>>
>>701369068
Cold war korea
>>
>>701370764
That's not a super power, that's erectile disfunction
>>
>>701372791
yeah, except for freedom, straight teeth, and good pussy.
>>
The ability to give a person extremely good luck for the rest of their life, but you can only give it to people you truly hate
>>
>>701372965
>never fall for the trap
>>
>>701372882
you must be living in some weird alternative universe

>beer
>warm
lol
>>
>>701372959
Kek alright then, you got me.
>>
>>701371573
Vacuum when you unfreeze cause earth moved on without you.
>>
>>701370416
>A one-man thermal power station with just a big tank of beer
>>
>>701369068
Understand the woman
>>
I'm a Britbong and I've never seen anywhere serve warm beer, fairly well travelled too.
>>
>>701370117
Not useless
>>
>>701372543
This sounds like something a real newfriend would say
>>
>>701372837
What are you? A robbing nigger? Turn white for robbing and get past the guard dogs?
>>
>>701371771
You can get paid for that shit by other lesbians
>>
>>701372882
It's cold as balls in most of eurohell. Probably some gay German thing to warm up after coming in.
>>
>>701372508
Would definitely make eating her out on her period way better
>>
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>>701371904
Literally this
>>
The ability to be under the effects of a random drug for however long the effects of the drug lasts
>>
>the power to involuntarily lock yourself out of a room if you don't have the key
>>
The ability to read your own mind.
>>
>>701373056
americans think every beer served warmer than ice-cold is "warm"

its because they only serve beer-flavoured piss over there that can't be allowed to develop a flavour
>>
>>701369920
>find yourself a rich woman
>impregnate her with powers
>get paternity test
>sue for child support
>make bank and have a kid
>>
>>701370557
>kidnap

Had an image of a little plane being picked up in a candy van
>>
>>701373208
jesus christ, anon.
read what they were replying to.
please try screaming while holding your breath.
>>
>>701372879
you sound insufferable IRL
>>
The ability to define atheism
>>
>>701373247
>flavour

Kek spell it right faggot.
>>
>>701369068
>superheat beer
>build reactor with beer core
>infinite energy because you can heat it up forever
>>
>>701373272
Suddenly not so useless but very good idea.
>>
>>701373340
That's his superpower
>>
>the ability to predict the powerball numbers, but only 2 minutes before the drawing.
>>
>>701369068
the ability to prevent OP from having sex
>>
>>701370900
That's an anime
>>
>>701371289
feelsbadman
>>
>>701373219
>regulary robbing banks, people, raping
>get put in jail
>no key
>???
>profit
>>
Ability to sit upside down
>>
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>>701370555

>all terrorists are ugly

the girl in the bottom left is pretty cute
>>
>>701373247
at least we don't add an unnecessary 'u' to words so we can feel fancier than the clearly dominant Americans.
>>
>>701371647
Wasn't there a movie about that, with Nicolas Cage starring it?
>>
The ability to get amnesia randomly
>>
The ability to correctly predict someone's name telepathically three seconds after they told you it.
>>
>>701369068
Go back in time for 0.5 seconds, can only do this 5 times because your body will be totally exhausted.

People around you might think you're in a epeleptic shock when doing it.
>>
>>701373417
>get job at lottery place
>quit and go to news outlets
>say all the numbers as they're being drawn
>get everyone thrown in jail
>>
>>701373484
>>701373354
thanks for confirming, lol
>>
>>701373074
Niggers already all have aids. Every one of em
>>
>>701373484

>removes U from words
>THIS IS FREEDOM!
>>
>>701373538
Lol that's actually pretty funny. +1 Internet for you anon
>>
the ability to always guess someone's name correctly, as long as it is 'Jeffrey'.
>>
>>701370040
laughing so hard
>>
>>701371108
Perhaps you're unclear on how a wet suit works...
>>
The ability to sit upside down
>>
>>701373478
What's that, some flower-power terrorists from the 60s? We are dealing with Allahu Akhbar goat-fuckers right now
>>
>>701369068
>the ability to see all stuff in your back, but nothing in front of you.
>>
>>701371116
Thanks, Sir Attenborough
>>
>>701370229
>always carry large folded sheets of Flatbread
>put out fires
>solve world drought problems
>near infinite Yeast infections
>>
Invisibility
Only when your drunk
>>
>>701369068
>>701369068
> Use ability to boil beer
> send beer steam through turbine
> ???
> free power
>>
>>701373700
o rly
https://www.fbi.gov/wanted/topten
>>
>>701373316
Fuck, I suppose it's time to kill myself. Goodbye.
>>
>>701372318
How's it going to eat you if your time is stopped?
>>
>>701369068
>stuck in Antarctica
>lose electricity in research bunker
>all foods and drinks frozen
>you brought beer
>survive
>>
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>>701373761
That's stupid. You're stupid.
>>
>>701371108
the water would still come into contact with your lungs. Also, wet suits don't block out water, they're basically a full-body swim-suit
>>
>>701373761

That is an insanely useful 'limitation', being drunk is the cause of most crimes, you'd be unstoppable!
>>
The ability to wear bombs and explode succesfully wherever you want
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