Ive said this story before but it was a long time ago, let me greentext but its probably shit cause im a european fuckwad and im drunk so no juding my typing, im gona type it up rn and post it, give me like 25mins
My parents paid $30,000 for a trade school... I completed that, barely.
The problem wasn't really grades or attendance or anything like that. The problem was, my body is physically unable to do the work 99% of people can, even though I seem to be pretty in shape for most of the other things I do.
I want to love this career path so much. I would blow a homeless man's herpes infested cock to be the greatest and be content with it. My body does not physically allow me to though. I try working out. I want to be able, but I'm not.
I fucking swear I'm not lazy, even though that's apparently what it seems like to most people. I can physically not go on when other people are just getting warmed up.
The fact is making my life miserable even when it should be happy.
>>701173125 Go out and meet people. Go to a bar or something. I like to see everyone around me as a potential new friend. Think about it: everyone has a life and a story. It's sad that most people don't even hear some people's stories.
>>701174744 Am I though? I go through life occasionally seeing people and thinking "Well at least I'm better than him." Then I come back to my senses and remember that no, I'm not. I'm just really bad at understanding just how fugly, worthless, uninteresting, and generally terrible I am.
>>701166403 aight here we go boys, judge me all you want might be some out of context shit, just ask me anything if ur wondering, i love you all and your litreally my psychorapist, i can always come to you when i need to release.
I can find no fucking picture in my folder thats worthy of this story except boobs so im gona post it without a picture.
This is my story /b/ im a foreigner and theres gona be typos, phrasing and spelling errors so bare with me, i dont give a fuck if you belive and/or care, i just wana get this off my chest
>be 9 >have a sister thats 4, 5 years younger then me >mom and dad are constantly fighting >seems like its for no reason it feels like >some newspaper hitting between them, if wasent just one sided >a year before we went to a family reunion on my moms side of the family >mom and dad are fighting again infront of the whole family >mom has 7 siblings, 5 sisters >pretty big, like a 200 man reunion cause her mom had 14 siblings >side with mom cause i think dads being mean to her >dad starts yelling and pointing in her face >lose my shit, her sisters have to hold me back cause im about to burst in there like a fucking mad man >the men keep them apart while im bawwing my eyes out yelling in babyrage anger >they divorce a year later >think its a good thing >move inland with mom and sister, dad still lives in the capital >mom goes to school for economics, get to meet every other weekend
>>701175204 >our relationship is fucking amazing, when my sister and him spend time together >only 6 days a month >tell mom that dad is fucking awesome >he takes us bowling, movies just treats us very nicely >mom dosent like me talking about him that way >im 12 now >mom tells me that my dad raped my sister >i can remeber her asking her probably around 35 times >"DID DAD HURT YOU, WHY IS UR VAGAINA RED" >"DID HE RAPE YOU X35" >"no..no...nooo..."eventually cracks and says yes. probably out of annoyance or panic probably im never gona confront her about it >mom freaks out and calls everybody in moms family and dads, tells them all hes a rapist >we always slept in the same bed, a king size >i was always in the middle cause i moved the least when i slept >mom demands that we sleep in seperate rooms >she probably told him that she was gona say that shit to me cause a week later i tell him "mom says we have to sleep in seperate rooms" >dads fucking furious but agrees, dosent show us no hatred or anger but i can see that its killing him that she probably told me >didint say a word to him about it >he bought bunk beds, he didint have a huge apartment but he put it in the living room out of the way >we sleep there, shit sucks >love dad even more, hes awesome >sleeping on the sofa at my grandparents house >over hear my mom and my dads parents talking >they say he could never do that we, are his life, and im qouteing "the most precious gems in his life" >mom is outraged >turn 15 >his sister was a year younger then my dad and he also had a brother that was 16 years younger >he teaches me the ins and outs of life "gives me the talk" how i should wear protection and teaches me about alcohol >he never knew about any of this shit >he babysits us, shits amazing, all we do is watch movies and eat snacks >as im turning from 15-16.5 i start to realize mom is the biggest manipulator in the world >she manipulated me and my sister against my dad to side with her
>>701175341 always thought dad was the bad guy but he was always way nicer to us than ther >turns out shes a raging alcoholic to this day >we live with my mom, shes always turning me and my sister against each other for no fucking reason >turn 17, late spring dad gets diagnosed with skin cancer >has been untreated for a while cause he didint know about it (was on his right back shoulder) came from a mole >doctors say the treatment is going well, im thankful and so is my sister >4 months pass, me, my sister, dads siblings and his parents are called in for a meeting with the doctor >"this is uncureable, its just a matter of time, spend as much time as u can with him now" >i know my dad never did any of these things that my mom said he did, the master manipulator turned everybody against my dad >moms not present (obv) after the meeting she confessed that she made the whole rape scenario up >start crying along with my whole family, throw a chair through the confrence room window and break down >everybodys crying at this point >we go home, grandparents pay damages >3 months pass and my dad has a attack
To this day i dont even know what the fuck that means, but apperently the cancer struck an artiery or somtheing i have no fucking idea, but i guess its what the doctors were expecting
>18 at this point >sisters out of town visiting with my moms grandparents >me and my mom are in the capital >get a call at 3 am from my dads mom, she says i have to get to the hospital >dad is looking very bad, this had happend 36 hours ago >he didint wana call us cause he didint want us to see him suffer fmlllllll.jpeg >hes in a coma and his heart is still beating but its only a matter of time said the doctors
>>701175445 >go in there, hold his hand and tell him ill be a great man in life >even tho my mom was a bitch he always said "treat women with honesty and respect" >still carry that fucking quote with me to my day >tell him everything i want to do in life >tell him everything that i was sorry for >talk about everything with him even tho he was in a coma >sit there and hold his hands for atleast 15 minutes crying after talking to him >machine starts beeping and the doctors rush in >whole of dads family run in as he takes his last breath >hold his fucking hand as he dies
at the time it didint seem significant and i was mad that i had to be present, but i appreciate that so very fucking much now cause my dads mom was a nurse and said it would be good for me to be there as he passed.
>he passes away >feel such a relif of my chest that i told him everything that was going on, even tho i knew he couldnt hear me >felt like we were connected through me holding his hand >weird fucking feeling that i was talking to him indirectly >when i was young i told all my friends i could never fucking live without one of my parents >wellwhatthefuckdoyoudonow.jpg >get a huge fucking outcry of respect and support at school >just wana be treated like every other kid in the school >exams finish, spring comes and everybody forgets the following winter
I want all you anons to know that you are all capable of finding happiness and strength. You are worth something you can do it. If you are one of those anons like me who has been dumped time and time again, do something about it. I realized that I am the one who is in charge of my happiness. I'm trying to love myself before I can love others. For the longest time I helped others because I couldn't help myself. I am striving to become a better stronger me. You all can find joy if you have and want the will to make it happen. Break yourself and become the person you want to be seen as. I believe in all of you!
>>701175519 Now my mom is a raging alcoholic, she kept verbally abusing my sister, mainly cause when ever she said shit to me idgaf.
now we live right next to my uncle, my dads brother and we rent out an apartment, shes in school, i go to uni and work to pay for the apartment and we are invited every day for dinner with our uncle, my uncle has a tattoo of his name on his arm, so do i and my sister has a tatoo of his handwriting and his 9 year old birthday letter under her right breast. I just feel like that is a great tribute to my dad and i would never get another tattoo again. just for him
my uncle and her wife had a son, 5 months ago and he was named the same name as my father.
ill have a few beers check responses then go to bed, love you all and think you for being there for me all the time.
>>701169379 In my opinion, not knowing would be so much worse than knowing. Imagine spending your entire life thinking that nobody wants you and nobody ever will love you. I would much rather know that I was the last of my species, because then I wouldn't constantly think that something was wrong with me, or that it was my fault that nobody loved me. But again, that's just my opinion.
>>701175352 My parents diowned me cause i smooked weed and never worked i was lazy at 23 so i never came back after being kicked out in high school my ex khs and i allways blamed it on myself never talked to girls in fear i have ptsd i saw her the hours before all i said was bye
>>701176230 fucking christ man. good on you. im jealous as fuck of you man. but im glad to hear things are going well with that. keep going like youre going anon. i know if i was your father id be proud, so im sure your father is proud. ill join you on that beer. and i love you too.
I miss my son and his mother. Both sides of family have genetic heart problems. He lived a few short hours. She wasn't much the same person after that. She ODd and left me to find her. I miss them both.
I've lost the ability to care over no gf because I know in my mind I will never get one and there;s no reason for the trend to trend upwards on some random day. I recognize now that any attempt to get a GF now will just hurt me more than it will help me. Thus I avoid doing so altogether just as an animal learns to avoid fire once it has been burned.
>>701177541 fuck man...im sorry. i really am. nobody deserves that. but know that ill be thinking of you, and being the christian fag that i am ill be praying too. not sure if it helps much, but i hope the pain goes down. i know what its like to lose someone. i know it hurts. but the passage of time will make things easier.
>>701177392 thanks man, really really really do appreciate it, every now and again i need to come here to cry a little bit and thought id share man. I cant cry infront of my family idk why, just dosent feel right. have to be the man of the house
>>701177828 Ik ive been scared i never can find a girl cause my last oned offed herself dont be like me im 31 ive never been with anyone since i was 15 go out and get laid live out the dream others cant
my last friend told me she can't be around me anymore because i'm too depressing she cried when she said it she begged me to get help and be happy snot was dripping from her face i looked at my knees and felt nothing i've cried more in the last 2 months than i have in the last 10 years of my depression but now, i feel truly empty went out to dinner with my mom told her i havn't been happy since i was 11 years old she kept it together but i can tell she is devastated i wish she wouldn't hurt because of me gonna pick up some possibly dumpy red head bitch in about 30 minutes fuck her and then consider suicide
>>701178308 Such a thing is impossible. Women will never experience "love" for a man in the same way he does for her. All they focus on is social status, turning into this in to process. Before you ask, Japanese women are no solution as they have already fallen to this fate. Eastern European Women are just now starting to fall victim and will likely be the last bastion of true women left.
>>701178486 dont do it anon. jesus fuck you just spit out my life story. get help. go check yourself into a hospital. i did two days before i planned to blow my brains out. and weirdly enough my stay there helped a lot. you just have to want, even a little bit, to be happy. depression fucking sucks. ive been hiding it from myself and others for years. but it eats away at you. and eventually it kills you. and nobody is better off for it.
>be me >Decide to make a small move towards a girl I like >start a conversation on Facebook >get a feeling she doesn't want to talk >back off for awhile >try to talk to her again >nothing >trying to be casual >casual turns into the biggest spaghetti dump of the century pic related
>>701178486 im scared of my only friend (who is female) coming to feel the same thing about me. but i want desperately to open up to and be close to somebody and i have a feeling that even though she tries hard to understand how shit i feel, there are limits to empathy.
i would say plz dont an-hero but then another part of me thinks it would be presumptuous of me to tell you what to do. life aint a gift
>>701179051 you have to tell someone. dont beat around the bush. suicide is a permanent solution to something thats temporary. because everything is temporary. pain, happyness, friends, enemies, life in general. its a beautiful rugged ride that eventually ends. death is the only permanent thing. so dont stop the ride untill youve seen it all. its about the journey, not the destination.
>>701179051 If you're not going to listen yes but wait you dont have to i tryed and almost did please dont try help i have the same feelings but i cant afford help i have no money i use my friends wifi im 31 please live live the lives i couldnt please don
>>701179112 there are limits to empathy and it is extraordinarily destructive to dump all of your negative energy on that one person you think can make it better. if you feel like you are just an anchor bringing her down, let her go and get help for yourself. if she is a true friend, she will understand and be there when you are better.
>>701178107 If you do /b/ro, just make sure it's on your own terms. Don't let any recruiter tell you that one branch pays better (as the army told me the promotions come faster so more pay) just join as you wish
>>701163796 Lost alot of weight basically starve myself, i do boxing classes on monday and thursdays 2 international asian girls are talking to me @ school it's cool because at my schools theres no asians just blacks and im mexican both of them added me on jewbook and snapchat might just be a good year i hope...
I think i'm a idiot for trying to do this, tell me if i am
So what i really want is to be a father why you ask? Its because as a kid it was something i never had, something i wanted, something i needed. For a long time i always wondered what life would be like with one that was caring and loving. I had my grandpa and uncles as role models so tht was good i guess but i rarely see them or dont have the courage to talk to them about shit. But also as a kid my mom chose to be with some asshole, he was nice at times but was overall a dick. He was always putting me, my mom, and my twin brother down, he even use to hit my mother (but atleast she fought back) and he would always talk shit about my family (still does) and over so many years he never ever showed me or my twin support. So much shit happened i could probably write a small book. But i anyways, when i do finally become a father i want to be everything i never got. I still havent found love, my confidence is really fucking low that i stumble with my words and cant make eye contact, its also hard to find a girl who hasnt slept with a bunch of guys.
>>701181392 on the finding a girl that hasnt slept with a bunch of people thing, youre an idiot. other than that i feel ya bro. i want a kid for the same reason. ive never met my father. i know his face from facebook. and i wanna be the dad he never was. so in that respect, youre golden anon.
>>701180408 happy birthday buddy don't get down on yourself. don't settle for friends who don't value you the way you think you ought to be valued. always keep looking. you are a good person worthy of good friendship.
>>701181889 I also know my father on facebook but i dont want to talk to him and i guess i am an idiot for thinking like that on the finding girl part, its also good to hear that im not the only one who wants to be a father for the similar reason
>>701182527 >inb4 bait >bait capture image i am conflicted. can't answer your question anon, but in the Roman army a soldier who didn't cry when his friend was killed was considered an insensitive pussy. do with that information what you will.
>Be 19 >go to college >have a decent amount of friends and a few good, close friends >good relationship with my parents >very ambitious, always talk to my friends about plans for my future >have had severe depression for several years, never told anyone >think about killing myself almost every day >operate normally when around my peers but when im alone i cant stop mymind from going to dark places >constantly imagine killing myself and how surprised everyone would be >at my funeral they'd be saying "i dont understand how this could happen" >my parents would blame themselves >not their fault >its my fault >too much of a pussy to do it >write on /b/ because i have no one else to talk to
>>701178486 Don't do it man. Get some help. Soon, you will see that life is a beautiful place. All those people who deserted you aren't your real friends if they left you. Find someone who loves you. GO out and explore. Connect with Nature for a bit. Go ziplining or something and take a camera. It's cool to post that shit on youtube. Even if it's just a momentary adrenaline rush, it's fun and worth living for. Find the little things in life that make you happy. For me, feeding the homeless makes me happy.
>>701178486 I know those feels, I've never been able to truly connect with another human being since I was 8, the closest I came to a real connection was with my second girlfriend, aside from that, I don't feel anything for the people around me, I just act like I do to fit in
>>701184155 only one thing has ever made me "feel" but after its happened for the 5th time now with the same person,it doesnt really effect me anymore,and im viewed as a heartless monster too both me,my family,my friends,and my close one,and this is the reason some people like me,because I dont care.but i think its something wrong.
>>701184484 dude that sucks, my bestfriend attempted suicide about 2 years ago so i'm sure he would be supportive but i've just kept my suicidal thoughts a secret for so long i get anxious just thinking about telling people
also it won't be easy but you should talk to a parent or sibling, friends can disappoint you but family will always try to be there, hopefully
Almost every time I felt anything for anyone I never had those feelings returned . Not only that the only "healthy" relationship I had was also kinda fucked we liked the same person at one point he never knew I did or that I fooled around with that guy before I started dating anyone really so even when I found some one I can actually love and be happy with . I feel a hollow victory of spite and that makes me feel horrible . He loved me, so so much and trusted me completely one night at a park he said "I feel so safe with you when you hold me like this" and there I am slowly trying to feel not like a monster to feel anything other than empty Jesus fucking Christ.
>>701183087 Be happy that you were able to be there with them in his last moments. I didn't see my father for two weeks before he passed. It took me several years to realize how much I regretted that. I think I love you too, I've been needing to cry very hard recently and you allowed me to be able to do that. I thank you.
You sad fucks need to get on trt testosterone shots. Lift, join a jujitsu gym for the thrill of battle. You will feel so much fucking better instead of moping around like the sad sacks of lard that you are. Go to a trt clinic or doctor tomorrow morning. Do it and live!
>>701186625 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZKlgNH3D8A Buddy some of us do live and have fun, yet there's always something that nags at us we all don't have to be Chads that get all hoped up on T and steroids to be happy in our own fucked up way (sides testi shrinkage) also some come here to feel anything besides just empty
>>701186625 > I do But I never get anywhere and that leads to part of why I hate myself, my life is just and endless story of effort with no reward of my own making. I've gotten lucky with little things but nothing that I can say, "I did that myself"
>>701172556 Fiance and I broke off for about 3 months, and now we both want to get back together. She told me she slept with a bunch of dudes to try and get over me, and that she got raped a few times at parties. I just got kicked out of my apartment, so I could easily go move in with her (She's 20 hours away), but my parents offered to let me stay with them. I'm massively depressed and I don't know what to do. Go back to her and try to be happy, but have to deal with the fact she fucked countless dudes who were probably better than me, or sit in my parent's home and slowly but surely become a disgusting basement dwelling NEET.
>>701186070 I know your feels got mom that drinks all day and dad that works all day ever since i was young. So i never really learnt how to connect with people, feeling me with loneiness and dispair. The only thing that gets me through is knowing ill be dead someday and that nothing mattered.
>>701174087 >>701176969 I'm completely taken out of the feels when I realize the person who sent those messages, screen-shotted them. So they probably a fucking narcissist. It would've been much better if it was screen-shotted from the other phone, like maybe a family member of the person who died saw them.
>>701173458 Some say that /b/ has no rules other than the global ones. This is not true. The number 1 rule of /b/ is this: The only thing that can gain /b/'s sympathy and love is a small, fluffy animal.
>Aspie >No friends at school >Bullied really bad by everyone >dropped out with no education and extreme anxiety/depression >Spent the last 6 years as a neet
>Had a few online "friends" >One dude I met became my friend in real life >Was super chill at first but became a total manipulative cunt >Started bullying me but I kept rationalizing it like an idiot like he's joking or work is stressful >Basically acts like an abusive spouse to this day sure he was gay
>Actually manage to meet a girl online and start dating (Not internet dating you fag) >She turns ut to be abusive >Wants to talk to me all the time >Talk to her she treats me like shit >Talk to my other friends he treats me like shit >Eventually got rid of them both and that was the best decision I ever made >Now I'm alone
>Last couple years met a few girls >They all wanted my D but ended up getting fucked up by shit out of my control >One went nuts at me out of nowhere so I decided fuck that >One was like me and ended up becoming neet and blocking everyone out her life...I really liked her >One had a creepy abusive ex who threatened and bullied her into getting back with him (She was also no joke born into a rich family)
>Now I'm whining like a faggot about it on 4chan because I have nothing
Call me a faggot or tell me other people have it worse if you want I'm well aware of both of these things.
>Crippling depression for years >Shit in my life gets too intense, start considering suicide seriously for the first time in my life. >Tell my bestfriend/ crush >Responds alright. Won't go out of her way to help me but is said she'd be there if I ever need to talk >That's all she said >I shouldn't have said it, I've now ruined my only link to someone else. >I hate myself even more.
So yeah, don't worry. I'll actually livestream my suicide.
>>701192027 Just the other month I was standing on the 7th story of a high-rise.
My life was complete shit at that moment. I was on the other side of the world from anybody that truly cared about me. I left them behind so that I can lead my own life.
As I contemplated how easy it would be to just jump and let go, I also thought about what I would miss out in the meantime.
While I decided that it would have been far easier to just jump off that building, I realized that it would not have been as worthwhile as continuing on past the point where I thought I could go no further.
Ever since that month, my life has done a complete turnaround. I have control over where I go now, and what I do. Sometimes, you just have to lose care in all of the right ways and then life will change drastically for you.
Wake up in morning feeling like Kurt Cobain got my glasses im out the door im Gona kill myself before I leave I cut my wrists with a knife because when I for tonight I ain't coming back don't stop make it hurt DJ blow my brains out tonight imma pop Xanax till I die tick tock on the clock but suicidal thoughts don't stop
>>701179647 Just remember, don't treat it like it's weird. "Hey you wanna grab some dinner?" and if you've never spoken to her before that's fine too. Just introduce yourself. Right now you're worried about what she will think. Fact of the matter is if she rejects you you'll be over it in a week. If she says yes you're a happy fellow. And if you don't do you 2 years later when that pic applies to you you'll be much sadder then that 1 week you were sad about being rejected. At least you tried then.
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