Monkey Paw Thread: Every wish you make has a horrible downside
be careful with your wish
I wish it would rain condoms from the sky
>>696596604
But they are filled with your mother's menstrual clots
>>696596604
Granted, but they are the smallest size
i wish i couldn't get dubs
>>696596749
you get autism instead
i wish i had an angel
>>696596851
your angel has severe aspergers making your life a chore
I wish the sun would burn out and fizzle out.
>>696596604
I have the perfect wish with absolutely no downsides:
I wish Donald Trump would become president.
>>696597160
He gets assassinated day 1 of his presidency
>>696597463
was ment for >>696597352
>>696596604
Careful, they're all used.
>>696597463
>therefore the superior Pence takes over.
Literally the perfect wish.
END ME
>>696596938
assburgers
I want to win a school raining
>696597866
All the students who is faster than you, will die
I wish my 24 hour curse of badluck doesnt happen everytime i masturbate.
I wish for trips
>>696597587
>Pence
>not another generic evangelical fuckwit
i wish i were happy
>>696598621
granted. However, every other time you masturbate you are cursed with even worse luck until youve masturbated two more times
>>696599160
no one else was.
>>696596604
I wish for a feminine male Buneary so it can fuck my butthole
I see no downsides there
>>696599506
It is always flaccid
>>696596604
They are attached to freshly severed dicks
I wish I could not be mentally ill
>>696599809
Instead you are always physically ill
>>696599665
>>696599716
Fucking monkey paw I wish Vengence!
>>696599809
everything you percieve is now reality
I wish not to wish
>>696596604
The downside: they are all used and shredded up, so it's basically just cummy latex strips raining on everything
>>696597160
The downside: you are granted immortality and frozen solid, your brain barely able to function any further than you knowing you are alive and in pain for all eternity
>>696597352
The downside: he starts ww3 and you die by nuclear fire
>>696599160
Granted, but the downside: the happiness only lasts a few minutes, just long enough for you to get used to the feeling, before it's taken away from you and you are left with only more emptiness than before, and now you have happiness to compare it to so you know what you're missing.
>>696599295
I wish ibcouls clearly understand stocks and their ability to make me rich.
>>696600147
Im already the downside
I wish i could be a cute trap
>>696600332
Granted, but the economy immediately collapses and stocks, bonds, and all other trading are abandoned as forms of trade, and the fundamentals you learned are completely useless and non-applicable in the new economy.
>>696596604
Talking about waifu?
>>696600332
Granted, but the stocks you buy always causes that company to go bankrupt
I wish she's with me ...
>>696600558
You aren't allowed to touch someone else's dick
>>696600558
Granted, but you bump into the most intolerant group of "straight white bros" in the world and they beat and rape you to death within 5 minutes of stepping outside.
>>696600709
But only in your memories
>>696596604
i want to die
twist
>naturally of old age
>>696600568
She divorces you and takes all of everything.
>>696600816
You are thrown into a small metal box where you can technically fit, but only by hunching your back and neck. You are kept alive in this ever-painful state until you die of natural causes after 75
I wish to have a qt naga monster girl that loves me.
>>696600886
As always with women /b/ro...
>>696600709
she murders you
I wish I had never met her or anyone from her family
>>696601081
She loves you so much she swallows you whole and you die suffocating on her inner flesh wall
>>696596749
Granted but you now have incurable chlamydia
>>696596604
I wish op wasn't a fag.
>>696596604
Trump becomes president.
>>696601287
You are erased from existence completely, past, present, and future. You are, and have always been, dead.
>>696601311
noice
>>696596743
That works perfectly for nearly everyone on /b/
>inb4 dicpics. Pls no.
I wish OP wasn't a fag
>>696601462
See >>696600243
Already addressed
>>696601462
The wish has literally no downside and therefore the monkey paw disentigrates
>>696601585
OP's not but you are.
>>696601585
Granted, but instead you are now the fag, every post you make is only ever replied to by people acknowledging how much of a fag you are.
Fag.
>>696600709
Downside: she'll never love or appreciate you and the only point of the relationship is for her to get off by watching you suffer silently, whilst pretending everything is okay.
>>696601680
... with everything else in nuclear fire after Trump immediately starts ww3
>>696601585
Granted, but you are the fag instead
>>696601756
Also you cant triforce
>>696596604
I wish to be happy.
I win anon.
>>696601422
But he always steals your girls
>>696601920
That's a given, he's a fag.
I wish I could talk to my father and tell him I love him one last time.
>>696601995
You have to suck a dick every day to keep the happiness going
>>696602001
True
>>696601995
See >>696600243
Already paw'd
>>696601995
but its only when you take expensive drugs. Hey! kinda like now! your wish came true!
>>696602031
He doesn't love you back
>>696602182
Ouch
>>696602031
Granted, but he immediately turns into a zombie and eats you to death.
>>696602031
Granted. But he responds by telling you how ashamed of you he is.
I wish I played in Game of Thrones.
Can't go wrong.
>>696602182
Oh, yeah, way worse than >>696602292
You win
Stromboli is the best Italian food
>>696602271
Could've seen that coming
>>696602383
You are become Hodor
>I wish the monkey paw has no significant effect on anything.
Checkmate.
>>696602392
Woohoo. I win.
>>696602132
but that would make me unhappy you dumbfuck
>>696602151
stupid answers. If I'm happy for eternity idgaf. I can't be in agony while I'm happy it would make me unhappy.
>>696602166
kek'd.
>>696602468
I am become Hodor? What?
>>696596604
I hope my hips get fatter on my 2nd year of hormone hearpy
I wish a had personal shemale that I could fuck whenever I wanted.
>>696602499
Granted, but it starts with your wish and remains all powerful by nullification
Then it flips you the bird
>>696602499
A black cat passed by
I wish every woman wished to sleep with me
>>696602607
But you get a shitload of acne
>>696602618
..but she will fuck you too.
I wish that this wish goes wrong :^)
I wish seals were small enough to fit in an aquarium
>>696602718
not bad, I'm already married and he acne would just be puberty v.2
>>696602789
it goes right
I wish I had friends
I wish that I never made a wish
>>696602520
Original wish:
>I wish to be happy
>no time limit specified
Nigga you were happy, but you sad now.
>>696602607
I'll hold you down and make your hips get wider by pounding away.
>>696602789
It doesn't go wrong
>>696596604
I wish the monkey paw had never existed.
>>696602631
>remains all powerful by nullification
>>696602858
seals start showing up live at fish food restaurants all around he world; they are added to the aquariums and menus
>>696602858
due to the increased surface area:mass ratio, they're unable to homeostatically retain body temperature and slowly freeze to death
>>696602686
Nothing sexual. Just sleep only. You are forever friend zoned.
>>696602686
You have to sleep with all of them. ALL OF THEM.
Even the ugly ones and family.
>>696602589
Hold the door!
>>696603104
Now you know Cosby's terrible secret...
>>696602781
How big is she? I wouldn't mind that
>>696602520
It wouldn't make you unhappy because you're happy, you dumbfuck
>>696602903
they exist only on /b/
>>696603011
>mad
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard. And I don't want any zombie turkeys, and I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?
>>696602903
They're imaginary.
I wish for a second monkey paw to give to someone else, creating more chaos and shenanigans.
I wish i could be a nigger with a big cock and bicycles
>>696597762
you will be resurrected in a week with the inability to feel or think about anything but sorrow
>>696603113
Roland
>>696603377
You develop a deathly allergy to every ingredient you named.
You expect it, so you're not surprised.
>>696603528
You wake up as an Irish chicken farmer on your way to the local county fair and hipster market with your prized rooster.
>>696603377
Granted, but the sandwich is so big that it takes you an hour to eat it and you are uncomfortably full by the end of it.
>>696603327
Damn
>>696603377
Turkey's a little dry.
>>696603495
The other monkey paw stops fapping, flies off the monkey's dick, and lands in your mouth. You now have AIDS
>>696603747
Savage
>>696603835
>>696603860
>>696603377
high quality posts
I wish I could command people to do my bidding
I wish i could have another wish
>>696603747
>>696603835
Worst outcomes in the entire thread
>>696603495
All the bad effects happen to you and not the other person
>>696602607
any other responses?
I wish this thread was never created
I wish for a genie that grants wishes no strings attached.
>>696604032
They form a resistance and have you decapitated for being a dictator.
>>696603860
>>696604007
>>696604048
Fucking nightmare fuel, is what those posts are
>>696604047
You wish for aids
>>696604106
You're now the faggot
>>696602132
but do you have to swallow?
>>696603835
The turkeys a little dry. THE TURKEYS A LITTLE DRY! OH FOUL THING, WHAT DEMON FROM HELL CREATED THEE!
>>696604140
It doesn't grant you wishes, only others
>>696604106
s/fur instead
>>696604047
Granted, but that wish Will have a terrible downside
>>696604140
Whenever you wish for shoes or guitars they're always incomplete
>>696596604
I wish to become a fighter pilot for the Royal Spanish Air Force.
>>696604140
The lamp is striped like Waldo's shirt and therefore impossible to find.
I wish for my wishes to have no down sides
>>696602418
downside: all italian food is deemed illegal worldwide and is burned
>>696604404
Kamikaze squad
>>696604442
You'll get down syndrome instead
>>696604517
Worth it.
Sayonara, amigos.
>>696596604
i wish to fuck my crush, whats my downside?
>>696600023
Holy fuck
Underrated post
>>696604641
Kek'd
>>696604404
War is declared and your wooden bi-planes aren't that useful anymore.
>>696604651
You marry her.
>>696602686
downside: you can no longer feel sexual pleasure
>>696604651
You get the death penalty for brutal rape
I wish I could fuck Saoirse Ronan
>>696604651
If femanon, grows a dick
If anon grows a pussy
I wish my son would come back to life
>>696604106
Granted, You create a paradox in which reality both exists and doesn't exist, you then spend the rest of time trying to understand reality. Welcome to insanity and hell anon
>>696604858
Joke's on you, I'm bisexual
>>696604739
sounds good for me
>that until i get tired of her and im stuck forever
>>696602903
you hate them
>>696604928
He's reborn retarded, and doesn't love you or all the effort you put into taking care of him
>>696604928
He is scarred and traumatized for life, remebering himself dying and being dead.
>>696604858
holy shit, out to protect my virginity then
I wish for a puppy
I wish for one US dollar.
Girls cum when I look at them
>>696604958
You've never been married, it's an explainable horror, even if it's the one you love most in the world.
>>696604958
>obviously never been married before
>>696604800
im my country theres no such thing
>>696605150
The USD freefalls in value until it's basically worthless
>>696605172
>>696605194
sounds painful
>>696605169
They all moan very loud and awkwardly
>>696596604
LeRon wants his hand back
>>696605169
All the girls are squirters. They cause a tsunami that erases all civilization.
I wish I could get a hot girlfriend
>>696604928
He comes back with amnesia, being on the brink of death has erased his sense of self identity and memory. Therefore he struggles with his life and takes his own life
Sorry m8, but you play with fire, you get burnt
>>696605232
*monkey paw activate*
>>696605147
It never stops barking, shedding, shitting, pissing, vomiting, knocking shit over, and tearing all of your belongings apart.
Oh wait, that's all dogs.
>>696605358
That's the point
Try again lol
>>696605150
You are immediately killed and robbed.
>>696605417
Total bitch
>>696605150
You get a dollar bill, but the US dollar drops by 2 points.
I wish for 4 cans of coke, so I can use the clutched monkey fist to fap.
>>696605417
You get a qt 3.14 gf and you're not sure what the downside is until she bursts into unquenchable flames, in the worst pain imaginable before she dies.
>>696596604
I wish someone will buy me a dildo
streamboobs.com
>>696605328
for you
>>696605358
>>696605485
Hmm.. Alright.
They all sound masculine.
>>696596604
i wish I had 5 dollars so i can buy the new box from taco bell that has the new delicious triple crunch rap with a regular crunchy taco with lettuce, and the delicious doritos locos taco thats been featured on such shows like: iCarly and Tosh.0
>>696605394
Granted, he gets his hand back, but without any bones in it, making it less than useless
>>696596604
I wish I could completely heal people just by touching them
I wish for a beer.
>I wish the monkey's paw never existed.
How bad did I fuck up?
>>696605726
Oh fuck
I wish the paw out of existence carrying its curse and power along with it, rendering it powerless with no ill effect upon me.
>>696605601
The cokes are flat and the monkey paw chafes
I wish Hillary goes to prison.
I wish for your mom to suck my dick.
>>696605777
They go through the worst pain they could possibly experience in order to heal
>>696605672
It gets sent to the wrong address and you never get to use it
>>696605851
Donald Trump becomes president
>>696605739
You're an actor in a commercial and never get to eat it.
I wish I had a friend.
>>696605960
thats a good one right there
>>696605873
You realize you wasted a wish on getting head from some old lady.
I wish i could have a loly with no familiars or documents, so i could fuck her anytime in my basement
I wish to get skinny in the next 3 months starting now .
>>696605840
That paw disappears, but your own hand becomes a new one
>>696605781
It's the Dutch word beer (bear). It rips you to shreds.
>>696605147
Granted. But it's the only puppy in the world too ugly to snuggle. You can't stand the sight of it and it dies from neglect after two weeks of wanting nothing but to be loved. You can't even be bothered to move it's carcass from your stairwell.
>>696596604
I wish humanity would immediately and permanently become extinct.
>>696605739
Granted, but when you get your food, it is all soggy with grease and cold. When you go to get a refund they tell you no refunds and ban you permanently from their establishment for defamation of the company name
>>696606013
Sounds good. Not >>696605851
>>696606134
constant diorrhea
>>696606112
You look at your wallet and find you are now Ariel Castro
>>696605851
She still wins the election and runs the country from her cell
Or:
She visits prison one day as a publicity stunt with inmates, skyrocketing her into the lead in the presidential race
>>696605851
America is left in anarchy as all other candidates die
>>696606041
your friend treats you like shit
>>696605873
Two dads
>>696606020
I wish I could because with a deal like that you'd be LOCO not to buy it
>>696606112
The police catches you
>>696606137
BUT I WISHED EVERYTHING PERFECTLY
HOW COULD THAT HAPPEN WHEN I WISHED FOR NO TAG BACKS
wish i had qt 3.14 gf
>>696606251
Shiet
>>696606202
we all get resurrected as zombies with full memories. everyone knows it was your fault.
i wish i had a 9 inch dick.
>>696606202
You have a mutation that classifies you as a new species. Everyone else dies
>>696606134
Die in three months from dysentery
>>696605851
Granted.
But a reality show is created to follow her experiences while incarcerated. It's all people ever want to talk about at the water cooler.
>>696606362
I fucking hate you..
>>696606134
you dont need no paw, just do cocaine
>>696606433
nothing, not even viagra, can get you hard. Except gifs of Michael J Fox twitching.
>>696606433
You can't carry that monstrosity to anywere, and you will get a trully pain when erect
>>696606433
Up your ass.
>>696606222
I still get my triple crunch wrap and be delicious doritos locos taco , I'd still be happy!
>>696606388
The cosmic force that created the paw decided to fuck you
I wish for stability and no more constant physical pain, if that than anything I would really want is possible.
>>696606558
not even a downside tbh
>>696604928
Your son is brought back to life, but dies again in the coffin he was buried in.
>>696602899
It's still going wrong if It's going right because he wanted it to go wrong.
>>696605781
You get a beer but it's pisswarm and flat
>>696605807
You spontaneously explode before you can say the wish out loud
>>696606426
Can't. I said permanently. This would mean humanity still existed. You fail.
>>696606469
>Implying this is bad
There is literally no way for this wish to go off the rails. If nothing else, mankind is still permanently eradicated.
>>696606433
you break every girl's body. arrested for murder.
>>696606598
Fuck man, even better.
I wish for all of Trumps money legal and tax free.
>>696606688
Haha, alcoholism doesn't care!
Sucker...
>>696606433
It's a pencil dick literally the width of a pencil
>>696606399
You never get to fuck her
Or
Neither of you are able to get off with each other, making all sex frustrating
>>696606787
unfortunately the money is all tied up in shit companies that tank left and right, so you actually have debt now instead.
>>696606783
Thank you good sir.
>>696604928
Too bad he fell in that machinery
>>696606664
Some fuckr just got my wish 2 posts short...
>>696605394
He gets his hand back in the mail.
>>696606433
>>696606558
This made me sad...
I have a 9" dick, and nerve damage induced erectile dysfunction. Thanks for reminding me, I'm a living monkey paw.
>>696605873
Granted. She become attached to you, leaving my father and convincing you to wed her. Although you cannot bring yourself to love this woman, and she cannot bare children for you, circumstances disallow you from ever divorcing her. By the time she finally meets her end, any semblance of looks or charm you had are long gone and it is too late for you to find new love.
Also the blowjob was mediocre.
>>696596604
I wish i had a green card
>>696596604
i trought monkey paws never gave bad wishes at all.
i wish this thread would turn into a ylyl
If wish people wouldn't eat pokemon
>>696607099
you get a red card
you fence hopper
>>696607099
You get one, but are immediately shot and killed by a local police force.
>>696606770
But now you are alone, the only one of your species with no way of continuing it, doomed to live your life in the ruins of humanity, until you die of old age
>>696607169
But pokemon eat you
>>696607150
Banana's. Just bananas.
>>696604941
Joke's on you, You're bisexual
>>696606664
Pain is weakness leaving the body, be proud you're in constant training to be tougher.
>>696598621
you have erectile disfunction
>>696607003
here you go buddy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZRDnTuMSIo
I wish that dragonvale was a meme
I wish i could get the SUCC
I wish I could pass my school's penis inspection next week.
>>696596604
Monkeys have hands not paws.
>>696607380
you get the succfrom a vacum
i know what i said
>>696596604
I wish penis fairies lived in my pants and loved to play with my balls and cock (pic related)
I wish Hillary was president
>>696607423
i never passed on my schools penis inspection.
>>696607423
Granted, but your teacher has to be extra thorough during anal inspection day.
>>696600743
That doesn't sound straight at all
>>696607193
Im ok with that, ive worked all my life to be an american, id love to die in the us of a
I wish to create music that with shift the current state of music and culture itself.
I wish all Muslims and the religion of peace gets destroyed and forgotten in an all great and holy modern day crusade.
>>696607572
They look and feel like crabs.
>>696607423
You pass, but everyone else gets better marks than you
>>696607572
Um, thanks for the new fetish...
The downside... one of the fairies, trixy, don't shave "for the oppressive patriarchy" as she puts it.
I wish Leena would fuck me
I wish I had an infinite amount of money to spend as I please
>>696607631
Okay come on, it can't get worse than that.
>>696606202
Granted. But a planets worth of 11/10 permanently horny alien babes shows up looking for asylum just minutes later. There were enough for every man on earth to have 8 and due to the (now extinct) males of their species having been extremely ugly, they would have been enamored by even the fucking ugliest of humans.
All the niggers are gone.
I wish for a monkeys paw without consequences.
I wish for omnipotence.
>>696607875
But it's only in the form of giftcards to hot topic and they expire in a year.
>>696607767
Granted, but arab christians replaces them and they become worse
I wish: that i was able to have "unlimited money"(ie. House, car, gas, food was paid for for the rest of my life.)
>>696607423
You pass. Years later you enter gay porn and acquire an aggressive strand of HIV.
>>696607964
You are now a monkeys paw with no magic powers or sentience of any kind.
>>696607767
The Christians become the new muslims
i wish to be immortal and impervious, no matter what
>>696607780
>they look and feel like crabs
>>696608044
Granted but you will never experience happiness and all that you love is taken from you, dangled just out of reach but just enough to keep foolishly hoping, it slowly kills you mentally.
>>696607932
Except for you.
>>696608181
Granted but >>696608205
>>696607986
Granted. You are now able to seek the presence of God. You find out he's black. You guys don't get along.
>>696608205
Kek. Im already mentaly rekt. (No trap boi shit either. Straight, 23yo, whitemale)
>>696608265
A noble sacrifice
>>696607868
She gets you pregnant.
>>696608181
You live past the heat death of the universe.
>>696608203
Something like that, yeah.
>>696608357
and you birth the baby out your penis
>>696596604
I wish for a genie
>>696608073
I use the monkey paw to wish for two just like it, using the second to wish away all consequences of the first wish and the third for all my needs to be paid for in full until I die at the age of 80
