Stupidest shit youve done while horny
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Stupidest shit youve done while horny
Bump
>>695267597
Bump come on guys
Wanked using milkshake smh
hump my pillow
>>695268249
Howd it feel?
>>695267597
Hid in my sister's room to peek on her changing. Got caught.
>>695268504
Good at first I suppose but it just got sticky, warm and shit
Put a picture of girl on microsoft paint, drew a corset on her and wanked tbh
I jerked off in a warehouse
>>695267597
jerked off into a pair of my girlfriends sisters panties
>>695267597
masturbated
>>695268720
Nice
>>695268620
>inb4 all the wincest faggots asking for greentext
Stole some girls panties who was hosting a party I went to like a year ago, still got them somewhere
>>695268760
absolute madman
>>695268760
You sick fuck
I fucked a concrete, deer lawn ornament (after removing the tail).
Matched with a 2-3/10 on Tinder at like 4 in the morning after a night of drinking. Decided I needed some human interaction so I said fuck it and started talking to her. Turns out she's freaky af and literally within 3 days she was sending me nudes and vids of her getting off. I don't know how to feel about all of this.
>>695267597
bought a dragon dildo and used it and gaped my ass out
put sisters bloody panties on my face
>>695269366
How was it?
grabbed one of my sisters thongs and wrapped it around my face while I jerked off
>>695268760
what's wrong with you
put a finger in my butt, but got grossed out, stopped, and went to wash my hands
Fucked a 6/10
>Jerked off in a library in 8th grade
>9th grade I jerked off in the lunch room during study hall
>Jerked it in an airplane bathroom
>Jerked it in the girls locker room and wiped it on a girls inhaler...second time in a girls water bottle
>Went with mom to clean a house and jerked it on the panties of a 10/10 and put em back in the clean drawer
God so many jerk stories i cant list em all
>>695270180
>>695268760
Alotta sick fucks in this thread
>>695268720
what warehouse was this? where you work?
Jerked it to the cleavage of a fat underage Mexican girl
came into a GF's lotion bottle and closed it and shook it up while she was gone.
I've molested a schoolgirl when passing nearby school
Touched and groped her butt for a bit then ran away.
jerked on hot girls glasses that she left at school, touching my cock with them made me instacum
>>695269512
>695269512
It was pretty exciting since I was 12.
>>695271092
Didnt it hurt?
I was in the play ground. It was recess and I felt my very first tension under my pants. I came up to Rebecca and said "show you your private part and I will show you mine." I got arrested served a bit a time. Got fucked by a cell mate. That is what caused me to become homosexual
>Went to neighbors house when I was a freshman
>Noticed they werent home
>Went back home and grabbed duck tape cuz I saw in a movie if u put an X on the window it wont shatter all over (kinda worked)
>Put the tape up
>Went back home and grabbed a hammer
>Got back and smashed front door window
>Let myself in
>Snooped around for a little bit
>Called a 1-900 sex line hoping to talk some fucking with hot girls but they ended up just passing me around running up their bill
>Decided to go snoop in 9/10 mom panty drawer
>Found a GOLDMINE of hot panties
>Jerked it all over her panties and stalkings
>Put them back in drawer and slipped back out to my house
>They came over and knocked on the door
>OH FUCK my heart is pounding like a mother fucker
>They asked me if I had been outside and seen anything, so I said no, didnt hear anything
>They said ok and went back home.
>Stared down the mom every single time she was outside getting diamonds knowing my cum was rubbing on her pussy
A friend tells me having sex while high on marijuana feels amazing.
Get high and jerk off.
It wasn't amazing.
Begged my first cousin for nudes, fucked a tub of alcohol-based odor gel, tried to fuck my cat, put a bottle of lube in the microwave... etc
>>695271508
How wasn't it
>>695271185
It was nice to be able to grab and fuck something doggy style.
>>695271660
But its concrete?
>>695267597
Fucked your mom. Then you came along.
>>695267597
fucked a duck and
screwed a kangaroo
>>695271640
It took forever and didn't feel any different.
>>695267597
Jerked/sucked off my neighbor's black lab.
>>695272042
If you aren't Australian then it's interesting. If you are Australian, come back after fucking a crocodile and a stingray.
>>695271881
is that the dad from fresh prince
all nigs starten to look a like
>>695272294
now THATS sexual
>>695272298
australia is gay
>>695272294
hnggg story pls?
>>695267597
Jerked off in a public pool, got caught and kicked out, luckily I was 14 at the time so I didn't get sent to prison or shit.
>>695272298
fingerbang orangutan
horney at the zoo
·Jacked off in porta potty,
·jacked off with step sister panties
· secretly dated dads ex's daughter. Stayed the night all the time, fucked every time.
Sorry can't greentext cause I'm not a loser..
>>695271850
Yes, and the circumference was perfect and the depth was fine. It was surprising how great it felt.
>>695272633
Also me n a ex fucked in a public pool with people in it...more like swam around with my Dick in her..
>>695272633
hey everyone look at this cool guy! he doesnt greentext guys!
>>695272810
Haha how does it feel being a LOSER?
>>695272633
>Sorry can't greentext cause I'm not a loser
>>695268430
Did it
>>695268699
Did it
>>695272721
Huh til
Not sure which of these is stupider. Both involve too much alcohol.
>Golfing with my brother. Came home, decided we'd do a few shots. Ended up swapping blow jobs. Haven't talked about it since.
>At a party at my daughter's apartment, first time meeting her new bf. Shots were poured, got WAYYYY too drunk, ended up groping and making a pass at my daughter. She shot me down.
>>695268743
Did it
>>695269153
Did it
>>695272532
Kek
>>695269711
Did it
>>695267597
Tied a rubber band around my balls, rode a dildo while wearing my girlfriends 13 year old sisters dress
>>695269846
Did it but kept going
>>695269366
>>695269506
>>695272294
Y'all are fucking weird.
>>695271508
Do it right then faggot and get higher. Orgasm should be so strong ya nearly black out
>>695270374
Did em all
>be me
>live in a small village surrounded by fields
>alone staggering back from the pub
>pass a field with horses in
>late so no one is around
>go up to one of the horses that isn't asleep
>I stroke it a bit
>start groping its dick
>horse starts getting boner
>I suck it for a while
>suddenly it cums into my mouth
>not wanting to leave evidence I swallow
>walk the rest of the way home
felt good, but it was a horse
>>695270620
Did it
>>695273320
>>695273333
Quads Speak!! I'm out
>>695271016
Did it
>>695271508
Did it
>>695272294
Did it
>>695273333
Quads checked
>>695272531
Did it
>>695272512
Pretty simple. I was probably 13. My neighbors were out of town and were letting me walk and feed their dog for the weekend. I was just a super fucking horny kid. Started to rub his dick, and it got harder. I, in turn, got hard as a fucking Sherman tank. So I layed down, started jerking off while sucking the dog off until he came, and them some.
>>695267597
almost raped my cousin. We were makeout buddies and occasionally did oral together, but I wanted to penetrate her. Never did, but god damn did I want to.
>>695272633
Did 1 and 2
I use coconut oil as lube
>>695272776
Did it
>>695273005
Feels pretty fuckin' good.
>>695273333
QUADS
>>695273640
How did it go..heard it's bomb!
>>695273176
There must be some fucked up issues in your family.
>>695273176
>Made a pass at my daughter. She shot me down.
>>695273609
Did it, but actually fucker her for years
>>695271222
T R I P S
Fucked a pumpkin
>>695267597
Huff gasoline
Have sex with heroin addicts
Lol ok can't argue with that...so Fuck it..how do I green text. I've been here for a couple years but never cared for it..
Used lotion with menthol in it for abit of buttplay. Didn't know it had menthol. She cried. I laughed. We're seeing other people.
Stuff was call Tai-fu or some shit.
>>695272350
No, that IS the Fresh Prince. He gained a bunch of weight to do a Nutty Professor remake.
>>695273889
that's barely a sentence
Made out with the tv screen to Hillary Clinton when she was on the Rosie O'Donnell show in the 90s. I shit you not.
>>695273988
Put > before writing
>Stuff
Stuff
See?
>>695268760
This man needs to be locked in jail!!!11!1!@2#!!!!
>>695272776
Hello jason
>>695273176
>swapped blow jobs with my brother
Oh god..
>making a pass at my daughter
Kill yourself man. What the fuck is wrong with you.
>>695273988
prepend your lines with a greater than symbol you faggot
>>695273176
I can't decide which of these stories is more fucked up
>>695273988
greater than symbol followed by text with each line
>
>>695271508
I don't know, man. You're doing something fucking wrong. It takes a real long time, but I always pass out instantly right after because it's so goddamn good.
Work on your technique, bitch.
Was 13, just discovering masturbation while at my grandparents farm in the summer. Was constantly horny and started noticing that horse pussy. Started playing around and she seemed to enjoy it. Got elbow deep in that big, warm, wet pussy. Eventually stood on a bucket and fucked her. Came inside her and watched as I let her back out to pasture, her pussy was pulsating as my cum dribbled out of her.
MFW I lost my virginity to a horse
>>695273588
ooh...you are a dude....
These stories are way more hot when its a girl.
Like when its a girl, its like she is exploring her sex drive, and having nowhere to turn so young she then lays with a beast, letting it pump her fresh pink new pussy full of cum.
But when a dude does, he's just a fucking creepy teenage faggot.
>>695273889
How do you "fucker" somebody?
>>695271291
>stalkings
It's stockings, you dickhead.
>>695274205
Wow that easy
>test!
>>695273176
good lord.
>>695273270
hawt
>>695274205
Wow that easy?
>test!
>>695274293
You make a good point.
>>695267597
Let a stripper and her black boyfriend fuck me.
>>695273401
I call bullshit.
Horses cum buckets so it's impossible to swallow everything
>>695274212
Ha close but wrong guy
Wanked in freshman art class in high school. Didn't get caught.
>>695273988
Read the fucking FAQ
This thread
>>695273555
Checked.
>>695274291
What the...
>>695267597
Changed my wallpaper to my own dick
>>695274191
You must be a femanon because there' no way your dick wouldn't crawl up inside your stomach from viewing that image.
>>695274670
Bestiality /b/ro. Welcome to 4chan.
>>695274586
>Fuck You! FAG
>>695274282
>I know how to jerk off better than you
>bitch
>state of the chan 2016
>>695267597
My ex-wife.
>>695267597
think about eating my cum
>>695273005
lol ur fuckin sad m8
>>695274332
Maybe there were pictures/videos of her stalking people...
>>695273988
>I've been here for a couple years
oh fuck off
>>695274676
best one on here
>>695274864
Oi! Don't knock it 'till you try it.
Posted a nude on /b/ of my ex while fapping
I saved my cum from 3 fap sessions and then drank it, also pissed in my mouth.
I fucked my subwoofer while listening to a string bass quartet.
>>695273844
jesus...fucking. christ. u r one FUCKED up dentist
>>695270879
Did it.
>>695270879
hott. did she like it?
>>695275137
No.
I jerked off upside down propped up so I could cum on my own face.
I was curious
Then I was so fucking disgusted
It's insanely hard to cum upside down I've learned.
>>695270879
Never got to touch one.
>One day I was driving out of the parking lot of a Wal-Mart, and there was a little girl, about 6 or 7, sitting on the tailgate of a pickup truck, apparently waiting for someone to come out of the store. I stopped right next to her, pulled out my dick, and she watched me stroke it for a couple of minutes. Came fast and hard! She just smiled as I drove off.
>>695275850
not rly
>>695275850
it is not hard to cum upside down. I have done it many times.
It was christmas time and i was on the computer
Was really young and found out about porn
Started to jerk off for the first time
Best thing ever
Feel rush of warmth and knew something was about to happen
Feel like wiener was gonna explode so i grab the nearest thing to absorb my load
End up jizzing in stuffed elf penguin decoration
Leave it there for the rest of winter until time to take down decorations
Make sure i get to it first so nobody can notice what ive done
Put penguin in garage and feel something hard
Mfw i pull out a hard clump of dried jizz stuffing
>>695276066
bet u she wanted to come with
>>695276115
>>695276078
well it seemed to me like it took forever lol
>>695276066
Its easy. I do it when I suck my own cock.
Made this thread multiple times a day.
Tried to cut off my own nipple.
>>695275850
>It's insanely hard to cum upside down I've learned.
Imagine how astronauts feel.
>>695276250
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0x6vIAtFcI
GREEN TEXT MOTHER FUCKER! DO YOU KNOW IT!?
>>695276441
But why
>>695276437
How many times has this thread been posted today
>>695274700
hillary was a babe what are talking about
>>695276580
I was horny, and I thought it was a good idea at the time. I later found out it wasn't.
I also tried penetrating my foreskin with a needle once.
i fucked a blow up santa (neighbour had it out on the lawn for xmas) its was at night so i didnt get caught. no idea why but ut was the hottest thing at the time.
>>695276441
>>695276580
men don't need nipples
>>695277005
Jerked off with my family in the car when I was younger.
>be me
>horny af
>trying to fap with help
>look at my room for some squishy goo o like a jelly candle
>got candle and made a hole small one
>put penis inside and start fapping with it
>penis start burning
>dosentfeelgood.jpg
>stick out dick and see what kind of candle was that
>it was a fucking cinamon candle my dick burn so bad
>finish jacking off with burn dick
>cum
>dick felt bad
>go to hospital
>mfw i had to be in bed for 3 weeks because dick burn
>mfw i did it again but with a apple air candle.
>I was a young, simple man learning the ways of life
>read something about men beeing able to have an orgasm without ejaculating
> something about using your muscles to stop cum from flowing, i think.
> So, I applied all my logical and scientific thinking to the problem at hand (which was, obviously, the possibility to have multiple orgasms)
> My conclusion was that if it was a question of mere physical blocking of the cum, i didn´t need to learn no muscle control.
> All i needed was to tie a knot!
> so there i was, in my room, masturbating, with a strnig (a shoestring) kind of loose around my cock
> i start to get close to cum, so i tie the knot, really hard, do a double loop around my cock, just to be sure, tie another knot... At the very base of the thing,
> My poor dick is strangling, gasping for air. But i´m in here for the full ride.
>keep stroking it (even though it´s kind of hard to masturbate with the string holding the skin at the base).
>am about to come!!!! so much expectation!!!!
> I "came". i mean, my cock started pulsating, a little cum ooze off, and GODDAM IT HURT LIKE HELL.
>every pulse, every drop of cum that didn´t came of was like i was going to explode.
> but i had tied knots, not a lace or something.
> kept fumbling at the knots, trying to untie them, while cumming in exrteme pain
> did it, all the cum oozes out, the pain slowly fades away
> i gain zero knowledge about the miracles of tantric sex and multiple orgasms for men.
> (if i ever had a chance to have a rope bondage fetish, it was gone right then and there btw.)
>>695268699
Seriously?
Got blowjob from trap with a coldsore. Got genital herpes and hiv.. so pissed its not even funny
>>695276441
>>695276580
>>695277005
>>695277084
This exchange has slain me. Well done.
>>695267597
fucked the space between my box spring and mattress and get dick torn
>>695276738
nigga wat
wanked and came through a keyhole and into my ex's dorm
i jizzed on my mums feet
>>695273451
felt good, gave the back next day
>>695278625
post some pic of your mums feet or gtfo
at least tell story
>>695278155
I tried that before I got a fleshlight. I have a panty collection so I thought I'd make it softer/safer by stuffing them between. Didn't do shit.
used my electric toothbrush to make me cum, then brushed my teeth with the cum
>>695275028
it tastes good actually, now i often eat it
when I was a kid I was jerking off with various lubes.
Tried paint. Didn't know it was paint, but it sucked. It solidified quickly and I hopped into the shower to remove it.
Also jerked off with Ben Gay/Icy Hot. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as some people say, although I usually can't feel that shit working to relax my sore body when I use it NORMALLY.
>>695269378
Post.
fucked a glove with butter.
has anyone ever fucked a bagel? It seems like a good fuck hole.
>>695279655
Its not
>>695269378
gonna need to see some evidence
>>695279655
its not. at all.
smelled like raisin bagels for a week
not.fucking.worth it.
Posted a few pics along with a dirty secret about her online for thousands to see. Posted on a website that had a specific section for girls in our home town.
Did it while horny, can't take it down now.
Stayed over my friends house for the night, jerked off into his sisters shampoo bottle in the shower.
Jerked off a lot under the table in high school and finally got caught by a girl but she was cool and didn't report me.
Shit into my hand then jerked off onto my shit
>>695267597
Fucked my teddybear. Mind you this is before I knew how to properly masturbate.
>>695273988
Type in mustard gas into the options field when you post
>>695279655
fucked a loaf a bread, made a hole in the middle and it just squished
>>695267597
Jacked to niggers
Fucked the town hoe without a condom
herps on my derps
>>695273176
His daughter shot him down but his brother didn't.
>>695272042
Mate
>fapped at school at least once a month, from 6th grade until freshman year
>fapped in a funeral home bathroom during a funeral
>jizzed on my best friend's pillow
>rubbed my sweaty nuts on my aunt's pillow
>came on my sister's dog
>shot a load in my brother's milk
>>695267597
i dont know if it's so much dumb as it is slightly gay
used to pull my blanket in such a way that is rubbed against my taint and balls
shit felt good
>>695281419
Please greentext at least one of these stories
>>695274223
Get the fuck off b
Shoved an entire g.i.joe figure up my dogs ass
My best friends parents adopted a girl from South Korea, about five years younger than us, I thought she was an annoying twerp at first but then I noticed she hit puberty around 13 and suddenly had boobs. I ended up getting super horny whenever I was around her because of hormones and I ended up stealing a shitload of dirty panties, socks, bras, etc from her and putting them on while furiously masturbating. I then burned them all in my fire pit when I graduated high school. No one ever found out.
Good times.
>drinking with younger cousin
>decide to watch a movie
>she lays on couch with her legs propped on mine and i am sitting up on the couch
>full view of her crotch in those little sleep shorts
>position my elbow into her thigh, then her crotch
>she didnt seem to mind
>for the rest of the movie i just kept nudging her crotch with my elbow, hoping i was massaging her clit
>she falls asleep
>say fuck it and lift up pants line with one hand,
>slip other hand inside
>she had a huge bush
>but i slipped a finger between her lips and she was wet as all jesus
>realize what i am doing
>stop and just stand up up and blow my load all over her while she sleeps drunk
>go to bathroom
>realize what i just did
>feel disgusted
>will never do it again
I dont see how some of you guys get off to sleep-creeping on chicks, it wasnt fun at all, made me feel like a total perverted fucking asshole.
worst part is, we still hangout around family alot and all i can think about now is her pussy, i ruined my friendly image of her completely
Came inside a 16 yr old when I was 20 felt great till after and I realized I had ass rape in prison to look forward to
>>695283017
16 is legal in alot of countries.
>>695282946
d-did she find out?
jerked it in an airplane bathroom, jizzed straight into the trash
stealthfapped in the far back seat of a van after a ski trip, everyone else was asleep and the radio was on loud enough to conceal my actions
>>695283017
it always feels good, the regrets usually come after orgasm
>>695269711
same but wrapped it around my cock, and it was my mother in law's. Also used the stroker her husband keeps in their sex box in the closet. I tore it up real good, and I'm sure they know, just never confronted me about it.
>>695267597
sent text messages
dead serious about this I'll send text messages to any girl in my phone at like 3 in the morning and they always respond the next day
>>695283368
18 in my state
>>695283524
The worst part was her dad heard the whole thing and was waiting outside for me
>>695281877
classic 6inch or 3.75?
>>695281545
>16 yrs old
>live with dad, his wife, her son
>stepbrother is a grade-a shitswizzling wimp, absolute pushover
>he decides to prank me one day by shooting silly string in my lounge chair. he thought it was funny as hell.
>two weeks later, i see he has a glass of milk on his computer desk, and he isnt in the room.
> i decide to whip out the trouser snake and jerk it
>right when im about to nut, i run over, grab his milk, and shoot my sweet loving spoonful into his drink
>he comes back in 10 minutes later, completely unaware.
>he takes a sip of his milk and asks what was wrong with it
>"i jizzed in it, faggot"
>hfw
put a crochet hook up my pee hole
>>695283368
no i dont think she ever found out
>>695267597
sticking something in my butt.
>>695267597
Let my parrot nibble on my dick
>>695284580
justin?
>>695274191
There's no way you can't convince me that "Hillary" in that picture isn't Nicolas Cage in a wig.
>>695268743
also did it
>>695268720
I work at a bus barn and do it regularly
jerk off and bust a nutt in my grandmas ashes in the urn
I would stuff covers into my night pants and hump them. Then I switched to humping my pillow. That grew to me jerking off into my hand so I could carry my nut to the sink. Surprised I didn't get caught with the shit in my hand.
Didn't have access to porn so I jerked off with my friend who found his brothers video collection. He taught me it was way easier to just nut on my chest and stomach and wipe it up.
I used an AOL CD after I got my first computer and ran up $1200 worth of bills on the phone line looking up porn.
I put a little travel shampoo in my butt. The plastic split and caught a piece of my insides between the plastic, then it started leaking shampoo in me. That was awful.
I squirted shaving gel directly into my dick hole trying to use it as lube. Split the skin and widened my dick hole a little it hit so hard. Burned like fuck too.
I touched a goat vagina and got caught.
There's a lot more...
let a homeless crack/herion junkie chick suck me off and shit in my mouth
>>695278229
>>695278229
>>695285166
>>695267597
fapped to traps on /b/ threads
>>695267597
tried to fuck a water bottle when i was 12 too thick didnt fit
>>695278229
>>695278229
>>695276738
>>695268743
I got my girlfriend to jerk me off into one of her sisters panties. Now that I think about it it was pretty fucked up.
>>695276738
>>695284985
Moar, and what was there reaction to you touching the goat
tried to make a fleshlight of a banana
Flirted with a 57 year old transgender on okc, talked got her number. Dont think she realized i wanted to just smash she was talking about going out in public on a date. Anyway the stupid part was using my real number to text her and she blew up my cell phone with voicemails and text messages.
I tried to fuck a tomato
>>695269378
Take them. What's there to feel about it?
>>695284985
>He taught me it was way easier to just nut on my chest and stomach and wipe it up.
Is your friend retarded?
>>695274205
Wow! That easy?
>test
>>695285399
I had the girl who cheated on me with a 52 year old phone sex with me pretending to be her best friend after we broke up.
My friend had a girlfriend come over and she brought her fat friend. We all passed out on the same bed and I tried to grope the fat chic. She woke up and just stared at me for what felt like 30 seconds before she rolled over. She told my friend.
I put a hole in the crotch area of a giant teddy bear my grandma got me and fucked it. My mom found the hole and threw it away.
My sister caught me jerking off while watching Pokemon. We pretended it didn't happen and it's never been brought up.
My mom had a "back massager". I borrowed it for my dick and balls. Good god I was retarded. I thought I was the only one who had discovered masturbation.
I tried to use a CD to see under my friends sisters door when I slept over one night. Got caught by his dad, was never allowed back over.
I spyed on the girl across the street from my window. I even borrowed my dad's binoculars. I got a flashlight out and tried to signal to her. She noticed and told my dad. He took the binoculars.
I got bored hunting deer and jerked off in a treestand. 3 hours later I realized my stepdad could see me.
>>695268620
Green text pls not a Wincest fag I just love cringe
>>695286922
Just stop. You're fucking bad at it.
>>695286922
But who caught you with the goat and what was there reaction
>>695267597
Sucked my brother's dick.
>>695286922
The Wacky Adventures of Anon!
Coming soon to Nickelodeon.
>>695273774
rolling
>>695274503
This man knows his stuff
>>695267597
Fucked two couch cushions.
>itt: made up stories
>>695282024
She ever notice?
I was jerking off and didn't want to go upstairs to pee, so I peed in a cup, and later needed a drink so while jerking it I mistaken my piss cup and took a sip by accident, twice in the same session. But I was really high. It was the saltiest most vile thing I ever tasted.
>>695287392
I would watch the shit out of that
>>695284985
>thw when you cum on yourself
Captcha:select all waterfalls
>>695288862
>>695287392
Stay tuned for an ALL NEW, EPIC Wacky Adventures of Anon! Who will OP call a newfag? And just in time for our summer block party Anon-athon, their old friend/enemy/FRENEMY... Summerfag returns RIGHT after this commercial break!
>>695267597
i put a few magnets in my pooper once.
>>695268720
wanked at work when i was a carpenter. It was a customer's apartment in DC
>>695269378
done it without alcohol tbh
>b 13
>puberty hit hard
>wanted to fuck any female with a pulse
>walk to my aunts house every day after Jr high
>nobody's normally home, but today I was especially horny
>pet the cat, the purring is making me horny
>try to fuck the cat while in the garage, she runs away, good kitty
>go into the house, see the female 2 yr old black lab, here puppy
>pull out my garage boner, instant dog licks,
>think damn this dog is into it, turn the dog around and insert
>she immediately does this spasm thing where she is like fucking my dick with her dog pussy, super fast
>cum buckets in her dog pussy
>immediate shame
>five minutes after I clean up my family comes and picks me up
>mfw they tell me I smell like dog
i touched my baby sister while she was sleeping
>>695269378
easy make sure she doesn't have your last name, fuck her and fuck her hard, drop the cunt and disappear
Put an aquarium air pump hose in my penis and inflated my dick like a balloon animal, jk no balloon dick but I believe I invented cock farts cause air in you bladder can hold bout 30 psi
>>695268620
Fuuuuug youre nasty and top kek fail. Love your comment
touched a 10yo kid ass
still regret it
>>695267597
kept hooking up with Dominican chorcha who was living in one of the sketchiest projects in Jersey (Dog Pound Alabama PJs in Patterson)
>>695271222
Fuckin Shamalan quit messing with my head!
>>695267597
Stupidest thing I've done while horny? Your momma
>>695269378
And you didn't fuck her? Fucking fag. Go man up bitch
>>695274332
prob a freudian slip
>>695288366
I sure hope so
>>695273176
with your brother? fuck, man.
>be me
>be alone with my little sister
>Im 15 and shes 13
>she was turning me on when she was holding her pee and squeezing her legs together looking uncomfirtable.
>I dont know why she was holding her pee she was trying to watch the movie and didnt want to miss the important part
>My cock gets harder watching her figit and make groans taping her foot
>8/10 cutie
>I sometimes jerk off thinking of her tits
>ask her how bad she has to pee
>she says bad
>I give her a coffee mug that was on the coffee table
>she peea in it and doesnt want me to look
>i keep peeking
>shes done, i offer to take the cup
>go to the bathroom
>sniff the aroma of her piss while I strangle the bass
>cum into the cup of pee
>I drink it.
Later my sisters out on the couch nodded off idk how or why wtf
cont?
>>695290283
Forgot to mention the funniest part:
>from then on that dog would follow me around their house like we were going steady
>dats my bitch
I stole a thong from a fat girl I liked (I was desperate sue me) and I jerked off with it at work.
I didn't like thongs before this, and I stole it at random. I wanted a pair of her underwear and stole it in the dead of night while crashing on the floor in her room.
I would occasionally wear it too because she was as big as I was, and I have to say it felt really good.
Cannot find thongs online that even come close to the same feeling, and it pisses me off. I no longer have it so I have no idea what size/brand it was.
I've tried man thongs/banana hammocks but they suck.
This is not a regular thing either, by the way
>>695267597
I came on cat, it hiss at penis
>>695285257
Hello me
One time I fucked a female Pit bull.
>>695270879
greentext pls
>>695272633
>Sorry can't greentext cause I'm not a loser..
>>695273401
>felt good, but it was a horse
>>695280660
boys will be boys
>>695290970
>sister out sleeping on the couch after being the shitter for 25 mins beating my meat while drinking her piss
>my sister sleeps like a rock and its 1230am anyways movie was over rolling credits
>I take out of softy and touch the tip to her lips
>she starts licking and kissing my dick i get hard again.
>I full on jerk off mode again
>fuckyeah.gif
>keep beating
>she keeps sleep sucking
>eyes closed prob dreaming of licking ice cream cone
>I think she knows and is pretending to not know and sleep through it
>I cum so hard it hurts like my balls were stepped on
>cum in her mouth and hair and down her chest into her tits
>moan
>loudnirga.wav
>quickley pull my pants up cause shes squrming read to wake up
>oh fuck what if she catches me?!
>fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!
>run for my room and hide
>sister screams OMG WTF AHHHH IM COVERD IN CUM?!
>I run down the stairs and ask what happened and play dumb
>tell her it was prob the dog cause he humps legs and jizzes hadd
>mfw she falls it and geta pissed at the poor dog
mfw she will never know.
>>695270374
so the plane one....is that considered high-jacking?
>>695277251
top kek
>>695290970
>>695292850
Sounds pretty common. Something similar happened to me. Despite the typos, good story bro. Lucky sneaky bastard you.
>>695277251
I like you.
>>695285241
cheese curd thighs and white bitch ass no wonder she's an evil cunt
>>695290970
holy shit you're a degenerate
I know this is pot calling the kettle black but you're NIGGER black.
>>695274191
oh boy. I am sorry to hear that. Can't imagine living with that on my conscience....and I've done some fucked stuff.
>>695285166
huh.
actually a qt.
>>695285920
lol i did that too
>>695274967
>the chan
ugh.
>>695286922
dude maybe you should try to get laid once in awhile your family must have no respect for you
>>695290283
I...thank god 99% of this board is bullshit
>>695273176
Kek
hmm where do I begin... I have groped girls @ night and then ran away. Filmed under skirts in the escalators. Masturbated in front of ladies in the subway. Stolen a LOT of panties from the laundry room. Masturbated in public. Jerked off strangers in bathrooms. Fucked with CL transwomen and men. I also like dressing with stolen girl clothes and going out at night. I'm probably forgetting a lot of other stuff but you get the idea....
>>695273733
>>695273802
Coconut oil is quality lube.
>>695294030
fuck i wish i saved that
"dont want to get banned from the chan" meme
>>695295083
is that ur butt? please sit on my face
>>695271508
Yeah, you're doing it wrong. That shite is legit.
>>695295083
I have tried so fucking hard to get up my friends' skirts but I always get NOTHING. It's either too dark because of poor light or their legs are too fat and I can't see shit.
I got ONE semi decent pic a long time ago but she's in a thong and her ass is undiscernable from the rest of her fat legs/thighs
i go to a gay bar with mostly old men. get really drunk and ask them to spit in my mouth.
ill make out with five of them just circled around me
go to a porn tehater and do similar
>>695293258
Sensibly chuckled
>>695282946
go away fucking feminazi, tits or GTFO
>>695270374
nigger joined the mile high club solo
>>695273358
no the fuck you didnt dude. fuck off.
>>695280599
Done that in six towns.
I almost raped my nigger friend's sister and fucked my cat
>>695295708
>feminazi
this buzzword means less and less every time
>>695274205
That! Easy was test?
>wow
used soap as lube
Pen0s was volcano
>>695295708
I can see where you would think that, but no, you have to be pretty derange to not feel guilty about molesting a family member.
And, I understand, because you are so horny at the time it feels like a good idea.
But all of us dude( specially here ) have felt immediate guilt after fapping to something awful
>>695295347
It is my butt and thank you :) id love to sit on ur face. Have another one
