ITT shit you believed as a kid >you can't sleep with
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT shit you believed as a kid
>you can't sleep with your socks on because it will start a fire
>capture the flag is a real military practice
>babies are born by rupturing through the abdomen
>girls have two penises
>school is military training and you're sent off to war after you graduate
>>695051366
>lift feet over traintracks
>hold breath past graveyard
>don't talk under a ladder
>black cats are evil
my mother was superstitious. I'm just starting to let my feet touch the floor over traintracks, and I'm 20
>animals don't have genitals
>both man and woman have penises
>baby automatically appears when you marry
> Cheeky boogieman
> the toothfairies from hellboy
> Imaginary friend <3
> nemo
> shrek
> ..every movie character
> you have to drink the throf of drinks before it settles, otherwise BAD LUCK
> sucking ur thumb gives u a cold
> crocodiles in the couch (idek)
> the lock ness monstor lived in the foam pit at go bananas
> AND THE LIST GOES ON
i was rly gullible
>>695051366
Wtf? Are you homeschooled?
I probably believed a lot of stupid shit, but can't remember anything other than what my father told me when i asked;
>babies come out of the ass and i came out of my mother's asshole
> Religion
>>695052441
kek'd. n1 anon
>>695051366
>>you can't sleep with your socks on because it will start a fire
>>695051366
>Tooth Fariy
>Santa Claus
>Standard superstitious shit (ladders, black cats)
my folks were pretty blunt about everything else and didnt sugar coat it, they did though want us to have those child fantasies (ie satan claus) growing up until the right age.
>if you commit a crime everyone deserves to get punished for it
Not true for niggers apparently
>to have a baby you pee out a testicle during sex
>>695053077
I worded that poorly, I mean if you commit a crime you should be punished
Doesn't matter what kind of citizen you are
>>695053181
Draw a diagram
the little boy in the mirror
>>695053181
>implying the real way isn't to put your "sperm" (benis) on her "eggs" (breasts)
they never taught us about sexual organs in school, only sperm and eggs and also about puberty
>>695053181
>>695053332
Your testicle comes out your dick and you lose it forever
>>695051366
>that you can put your legs on a keyboard and not have it fuck everything up
>if you eat more than 3 snickers bars in one sitting, you will die
>if you fall asleep with the T.V. on, it will overheat and cause a house fire, so make sure to turn it off before sleeping
>one bite from a black widow will kill you instantly, on contact
>when you wipe after taking a dump you're supposed to put the dirty toilet paper in the trashcan, not flush it
>>695053798
this
>>695053551
>>695054306
>>when you wipe after taking a dump you're supposed to put the dirty toilet paper in the trashcan, not flush it
This is still true, depending in which country you're living in, and what infrastructure it has. Some have poor plumbing and it can clog up the pipes.
>>695054306
Latino?
>Red clothing made you immune or resistent to heat/fire.
That my dick was normal. Pic related.
>>695054976
That's pretty normal m8. We're all like that, aren't we guise? And porn is fake FYI.
>Three drains, bad luck
>>695055205
if i recall correctly, my testicles aren't above my dick.
>>695054585
it wasn't something learned though, like someone didn't tell me that i had to throw it in the trash. it was just something i thought to do, like the trashcan was next to the toilet, i assumed dirty tp was trash, so i threw it away. it wasn't until i was 18 or 19 that i realized i can just flush it
i didn't put 2 and 2 together, when seeing public restrooms with no little trashcans next to them, i always thought it was odd
>>695054605
peruvian, but i live in the greatest country on earth
>>695054976
this is a kangaroo
>sex = rolling around naked, creates children
>porn = penetration, illegal to do it or look at it
>being named leslie means you're actually a man
>>695051366
>if you cuss around a dragonfly it will sew your mouth shut
>sperm was something that came out of your dick, looked like a q-tip and went back into your dick after sex
i've always thought myself a very odd person
>>695052441
*tips fedora* nice one, sire
>you spent all of sex trying to put your dick in puss puss and u finished when you finally got it in
>>695052191
>both man and woman have penises
There are grownups who continue to believe this
>>695051366
>DP Stands for "donkey punch" instead of double penetration, oh to be innocent and free again.
>>695055290
somethings wrong with u then anon
>girls actually had barbie doll genitalia and sexual penetration was literally making your penis stab a hole in a girls crotch
I still wish this was actually true
Too much catholic stuff.
If it's something they try to scare you out of with the 'fact' that you'll go to hell instead of hanging out with Jesus and dead relatives.
Mainly adultery.
I didn't want kids or to get married.
So sex before marriage is bad, so i saw the only point in a relationship is finding someone to marry or fuck.
And since I didn't want to marry, have kids, or fuck, I was OK with not entering into relationships.
Oh and acceptable age gaps in relationships.
At church family 2 pews in front of me had 3 girls, 1 my age the other 2 younger by 2 or 3 years.
Oh anon you should talk to femanon you're the same age!
Cool chick once I re-meet her in highschool but damn is her youngest sister not the goddess she's always been.
But noooo s 4 year gap is fucking huge to kids. And by the time I saw her as an adult [stopped going to church] I was over 21 and in a position of authority where I signed 2 pages of 'I will not fuck the kiddos' and another page of 'even if they're 18 already'
My grandmother told me if I pick my belly button I'd die. There was this stick like thing in it and I always thought I'd bleed out and die.
I thought pic Related was a spider
>>695055318
wait. what did you do with your toilet paper in public restrooms? Did you carry that shit out with you?
>>695051366
>your parents always have the best intent in mind
>teachers are always right
>dishonesty only happens to black and poor people
I read an article about steve jobs once when the first ipod came out so I was like 11. I thought that steve jobs was like... a recruitment company apple was using and they were really successful because they kept hiring people using steve jobs
>>695055318
So in the public restrooms did you
Say fuck it not my toilet, and flush
Or walk your happy ass out of the stall with a wad of brown tp?
black people are made when a woman has a baby out her poop hole
My grandma told me that making noises and running around the house and generally being annoying during a thunderstorm makes the storm angry and causes more lighting and thunder. So whenever it rained I would chill the fuck out and she could get stuff done in peace
She was a genius
>>695051366
i used to think girls had balls and no dick, seriously i did till i was like 6
>the anus spans the entire length of the buttcrack
an extension of that, until I was 20 I thought that when women urinated it would seep out across the entire vagina instead of being a concentrated stream, which is why they had to sit down
>>695051366
I believed there was a man that went to work everyday at each traffic light, went down the manhole that's the closest. When he got there it was a room with monitors viewing the intersection and he pressed a button to make the light change when traffic go backed up.
>>695051366
>neighbors live inside my walls
Living in a flat, when I was punching walls, my mother told me to stop because we had neighbors. Didn't understand.
>>695055849
What's innocent about donkey punching?
>Being too close to the TV ruins your eyes
>making a silly face too long and it'll get stuck like that
>Uncle Richard who touched me was innocent
>>695051366
>women randomly got pregnant
>women could be pregnant and then randomly get pregnant again makin twins
>>695051366
>god is real
>>695057167
silly you, obviously the baby inside of her would get pregnant, not the women herself.
The fucking Zoboomafoo puppet was a real lemur because there was a real one in the intro. I was retarded.
>>695057160
>>Uncle Richard who touched me was innocent
top kek
>>695051366
Good thing you're 14 now and don't believe any of that nonsense anymore.
That women had 3 holes
5th grade sex ed we were told about 3 holes to have sex with but no further explanation.
Turns out its the popper pisser and mouth.
I literally thought there was a sex/baby hole between vag and asshole untill jokes of taints one day in highschool.
Blew my fucking mind when I found out chickens only have 1 for all 3.
That my parents had a lot of issues and were fucked up more than I was. That's always hard to come to terms with.
>>695056411
>>695056677
never used public restrooms, or restrooms that weren't the one in my house, ever. i could only go in the toilet in my house. not because of the tp thing, but whenever i tried i wouldn't be able to shit, i'd be too nervous. i could only shit at home.
ever since college though i can shit anywhere now, pretty much forced to use public restrooms in the dorms and i got used to it
>>695057435
I fucked the wording on that but you know what I mean. I thought they were infallible and had their shit figured out.
I used to think don't drink and drive meant don't drink a soda or anything while driving because it distracted you and you didn't have two hands on the wheel
I thought my mom was drinking and driving all the time
I thought that when I was alone and there was no sound (no tv, radio etc) that people were listening to me and I would talk to them
Actually I still am a little paranoid and think my neighbors hear and know everything I do and talk about me all the time. Maybe a little delusional but I hear them talk about stuff and if I can't completely hear it, it always sounds like they are talking about me. Sometimes about things they couldn't possibly know
>>695051366
Same stuff as now.
Did people become better later on, or more trustworthy?. Did some intervention occur in our latter years to make us less off-course than we were before? Maybe those things we needed to know were with us from the beginning. Go ahead, berate me now...
>>695057365
Can't tell if bait.
Vagina itself has two holes fuckwad.
>>695057552
I'd say your paranoid, but it's only true if you aren't right.
Paranoid delusions of being kidnapped my entire life.
Fuck city life illmove to the middle of nowhere.
1.5 years go by, oh I must have just been delusional who would want to kidnap a grownup or a kid of middle class vs rich kid...
1 week later spied on and conspired agaisnt
1 week after that kidnapped and held for ransom.
Again it's only paranoia if it isn't true.
>>695057801
Pbbbtttthhfff
>my grandma used to tell me if i smelled my aunts feet while she slept that bugs would go inside my nose
(foot fetish started from them on)
>>695051366
>women have balls
Man i remember seeing my mom take a piss and she didn't lock the door when i was 9 or 10, i was shocked that she didn't have any balls.
>yes i was a retard when it came to that, i believed girls had balls at the age of 10 got a problem?
>The Star Wars Prequels were good
>If i go to the van i will actually get candy
>>695058015
What's it like being kidnapped?
>>695051603
lifting feet over train tracks is actually an entirely valid practice, it forces you to think about where you are walking and you can avoid tripping on them or getting snagged somehow and subsequently hit by a train.
>>695057539
Shit man that was my biggest mistake ever. I almost fucked up my whole future, by listening to people like that. Older != knows everything
That my balls were a piss sack.
Even showed my sister
She said my sack didn't get any smaller while I peed and was stupid.
Still pull my balls out to pee.
>>695058225
Pretty sure you did get some skin candy
>daddy long legs are incredibly poisonous and to be killed on sight no matter what
>humans had no power cap, if you kept training eventually you'd wrestle lions with your pinkie
>people are born good or bad, and that was it
>old people could have burst of intense activity in which they became super human, but for a short time only
>we were in the brink of discovering AI, hoverboards and battle robots
>you could blow up computers if you didn't know how to use them
>go as far away from the microwave as you can while it's on or you'll get cancer
and shit tons more. I wasn't paid too much attention as a kid, so I just explained the world to myself the best I could with what I gathered from observation and TV.
>right butt cheek full of poop
>left butt cheek is where the pee is
>>695055806
kek
>>695051366
>girls have two penises.
i want to live in your world
>>695056708
HAHAHA
>midgets are stored in traffic lights
>manually press red, yellow or green
We are all guilty of sin because of an apple and talking snake. And to become un-guilty you have to give money and apologize for things you didn't do.
NOW, its being guilty of white privileged, and guess what, to become un-guilty you have to pay money and apologize for things you didn't do
>>695055580
My dad believed the same thing about Dragonflys when he was a kid, lol
>>695057056
kek
>>2 balls means 2 babies
First time I saw porn images I thought sex was like this:
Insert. Cum. Pull out. Repeat.
>>695051366
4chan didn't exist.
>The American flag was my states flag
Kinda just assumed that so I got confused when I saw the American flag in another state. Was like 8 at the time.
Over all I was a smart kid. Took a lot to trick me.
All the other kids read Clifford and all the other garbage. I read the science books they had at school.
>>695051366
I believed once that the world was beautiful and people were kind and caring and God.
I wasn't really all that stupid when I was a child.
But I did think the vaginal opening was further up. Kinda comparable to where my dick was.
>>695058803
Didn't turn out to be smart after all, eh? Since you're here, and all.
> Every person sat on an axe in their childhood and doesn't remember it. That's why everyone has a buttcrack.
>>695058863
>people were God
If you truly believe hard enough it might just be real
>>695058955
You silly goose. It's obviously because everyone ate Graham crackers, and one point in their life. While shitting it out it made a crack in their butts
>>695058271
Painful
Dissoreinenting
Scary as fuck
Starved and neglected etc
Still haven't come to terms with the whole abuse part, idc about the money but fuck if I'll ever be able to read hop on pop again.
Neutered animals have no dicks
>god
>santa claus
>>695051366
> Kissing makes girl pregnant
girl dogs get spade and shovel dog was the apex puns
>>695059176
*GASP* you take that back. Santa is very much real.
Women with big pet dogs use them to lick their butt and private parts
I used to believe that girls pissed from there asshole
>>695052441
This.
>>695055606
There was a time when this board was filled with atheists, and only a few people would pretend to be devout Christians to troll the rest of the board. Now it feels like inverse.
I guess pretending to be retarded for a decade has made the user base actually retarded.
Whatever was painted on the side of a u-haul truck was actually in the truck
>If you pee on a girl she would get pregnant.
>>695058896
This is actually a diagram of sex I'd draw as a kid
>>695059563
seems accurate enough
>>695059526
the brands/images shown when an old computer booted up were the things you bought. for example, the "windows" logo that popped up on startup was because grandma bought some windows
>>695059165
Damn that's rough. Why'd they have to fuck with you so much if they just wanted a ransom from someone else?
>>695054391
Tht is actually real
>>695053008
What's the right age? It isn't universal.
>>695052441
topkek
> Santa is real
>>695058174
I like the prequels better, especially episode 3
>>695053275
Niggers are still fucked with it comes to the law.
Homosexuals are just stupid or uneducated people who don't know that two men/women can't make babies together
>>695051366
>pee comes from my balls
>my ps2 was haunted
>i was born out of an asshole
>my sisters convinced me i was an adopted african child (i was a dark spanish kid)
>pokemon were secretly real and the president just keeps them on the down-low
>swallowed gum builds up in your stomach and doesn't digest
>reading in the dark will hurt your eyes
>>695053008
>satan claus
>>695059487
I don't believe anyone here is actually Christian. It's more of just fucking with the cringy people.
>>695051366
What?
Only stupid thing is believed there was a god until I was 8.
>>695060039
Cringe = Expressing Lack of Faith?
Kay.
>sex is benis in bagina, but it doesn't make babies, it determines if the relationship was meant to be by the color you piss after doing it (pink)
>Didn't know circumcision existed, thought that other peepees looked different because of genetics (didn't figure it out until I was 15 or 16)
>if you breathe while walking behind someone you will slowly become more like them
I thought being Jewish meant you were from somewhere called "Jew-ville", and was really confused when I couldn't find a country called "Jew" on the map.
>>695060210
I mean there is a jewish country on the map and all. It's called Germany.
>>695060039
>I don't believe anyone here is actually Christian
>>695060210
I thought Jews worshipped satan
>>695058291
I can't tell if you are trolling or actually didn't get what the OP meant.
>babies are created through saliva and kissing
>men are born with vaginas and slowly grow their penises
>>695059825
I like I and III. II is fucking awful.
>>695060381
well money is the root of all evil...so technically you weren't that far off
>>695058554
HA!
>>695051366
When I was 3 I thought electronics were living creatures. My sister and parents would always talk about how the VCR would "eat" their tapes After hearing that I assumed it ate other things. So I fed it a hostess turtle pie.
>Sciense
>fractions are better than decimals
>>695060486
The love of money is the root of all evil. Not money. But you're technically not wrong cause Jews love that shit.
>>695053551
.............................................what?
>>695059563
That's exactly what I meant. Good job anon.
>>695060541
Good for you. Science is not meant to be believed it. Glad you grew out of it.
>>695059925
>pokemon were secretly real and the president just keeps them on the down-low
A wild conspiracy theory appeared.
>>695060631
every time you cum you lose your testicles, and you have to grow new ones. Kinda like replacing a cartridge on you pistol
>>695051366
>>school is military training and you're sent off to war after you graduate
Let me guess, american?
>If you feed a seagull, it will remember you and take a dump on your head next time it flies over you
>>695051366
>Thought testicles were boy kidneys, and girls had kidneys in their back/side/ wherever they actually belong.
>>695059825
You mean you like them more than the OT and TFA?
>>695059825
This. A lot of good memes in Episode 3
>>695060942
my mom told me that cheetos kill seagulls after i fed a whole bag to a flock, i cried that day
>>695060967
>tfa
Why even put that clusterfuck along side OT
>>695054976
that looks painful
>>695057365
Uhh there is a sex/baby whole it's called the vagina. Above that they have the urethra where the pee and behind is their anus.
>>695060942
I said seagulls, Stop it NOW. Uhhmmhaa um hu hum ha ha uhhhmmm ha uh uhm uhm ha
the first time i got a boner i thought it was a disease and i cried all day
>>695051366
What the fuck are you?
>>695061167
I still think it's an incurable disease...
>girls got pregnant from kissing and there was no such thing as sex
>>695061299
It's okay he's an American, this isn't weird at all.
>>695051366
when you saw a naked woman before you were 20 - you would go blind
they even told me if you did see one at about 18 19 - you might get away with temporary blindness or you might need glasses after
>>695051366
>you'll find someone that loves you someday
>>695058803
Well aren't you a special little snowball
Kill yourself
>Black people have black blood
>>695054976
Moaarrr pics!
>I heard of the term "whacking it" to do with fapping, so when I learnt how to do it I literally hit my dick with my hands side to side to get off
>>695052209
the... throf?
masturbation is a sin, and you will be punished by God.
>>695061604
>tfw when
>>695052209
>throf
>>695052209
pretty sure ur just fucking retarded
>>695057552
Holy shit I have the same thing about people being able to hear me. That's why I always leave the tv on when ever I'm alone. I feel like people are trying to spy on me even when I'm alone.
ITT: childhood stories from the bible belt
>>695061997
lulz
Jet fuel can melt steel beams
>>695057801
You cant fuck a peehole
>>695061683
That's more metaphorical, y'know?
>>695053275
You sure did. At least you caught it.
>>695062151
>
When you'd finished using a condom you could use it to make a milkshake
>>695061972
That is low level paranoid schizophrenia anon
It's more common than you'd think
>>695051366
>sleeping with socks on will start a fire
this is a real thing people tell their kids? never heard that
>school is military training and youwre sent off to war after you graduate
welcome to israel
>>695062501
Well, it's not called a milkshake for nothing
>>695056161
Well, technically...
>>695061953
summerfag detected
>>695051366
>acupuncture and other alternative medicines
>ghosts (heard sounds)
>religion
>deceased family members were watching you (masturbate)
>being fat was genetics
>"large bones"
>You lose weight when you grow up
>everyone is beautiful the way they are
>having good grades was the way for happyness
>You can trust anyone
>girls have cooties
>babies are born from bellies (when i found out I came from a vagina scared the shit out of me)
>girls have "peepee" vaginas
>TV's images came from the electricity cable
>Internet is magic
>Putting batteries on the sun would recharge them
>When that doesn't work, put them in the shadow instead
>Large clothes hide the fat
i used to think cats and dogs were the same animal but dogs were male and cats were female
>>695051366
I'm 24 and I thought sausage was beef until like two years ago. I also thought ribs were beef. I basically thought the only cuts of meat that come from a pig are like pork chops, bacon, and ham.
slightly irrelevant but I blow on my USBs and router when they aren't working, does that do anything?
>Star wars is based on real events
I was a dumb kid
>>695061953
>that tfw when
>>695060553
don't talk shit about mai fractions
>>695051366
>God is real
>in movies with talking animals there are people on all fours hiding behind the animals doing the voices
>all animations are made frame-by-frame in a notebook and a magician flips the book in front of a camera to make the TV/movie version
>>695053008
satan claus must have been terrifying
>Girls had no genitals, just skin
>That if I hid from my ps1 during loading screens, it would go faster
>How come people didnt believe in God if they saw Jesus/saints/etc. perform miracles irl for them
>The Pink Panther wanted me dead
>Santa could deliver presents in one night because of different time zones
>Santa didn't give poor people presents because they were bad
>I was smart
>>695057236
underrated post
>>695059740
"It's just what they do"
Multiple lawyers and all the people I've told.
Luckily my mom had some stocks she bought with me in mind and I had a separate business account I could drain.
Such is life, shoot first ask questions later. Or die in the process and not have to worry about it.
>If you study hard, get a good degree, get a good job, work hard, you will be happy.
>>695052441
So glad I actually started thinking early and only believed it for a few years
>>695063464
>I was smart
some adults still believe this
>>695058685
A very solid observation
never looked at this way yet
>>695052441
My family doesn't even care that I don't want to go to church every saturday and don't believe in religion, they want to force it on me so hard
>>695063482
Yes because it's so quirky and original and hilarious, kill yourself fucking newfag
>>695063496
cool story kid. pathetic.
>>695056236
>>695056297
It isn't?
>>695060424
isnt 2nd one true? as a fetus i mean
>>695063736
>newfag
>calls other people newfags
>>695063736
show me where god touched you on this doll right here
>>695063863
it is the most widely accepted explanation at the moment, and evidence does seem to confirm it
my parents told me if i kept biting and swallowing my nails eventually a hand would grow in my stomach and claw its way out
>>695058291
>>695061689
Newfag detected
>>695058803
>everybody read children's stuff while O was enlightened
>fuckingsheeple.jpg
Kys
>>695058448
>microwave cancer
My grandmother believed that her entire life. No one could ever talk her out of it.
>>695051366
Everyone's father fucked them.
>>695051366
> every bird looked like a peacock and was called chicken
>i cant think of anything else
>>695060039
Found the summerfriend
>>695051366
>>>
>There are two countries, the Netherlands (I am from there) and England
>When looking at a map, I always thought that europe+africa+asia+australia was the netherlands, and north+south america was England
>black people live in England (I don know'why I thought this. probabaly since I thought there were two countries, and I observed there to be two kinds of people, and since there were mostly white people in my country, I figured the black ones must come from england)
>In England, there a puddles as much as four feet deep (a friend who went to england with his parents once told me this, I was deeply impressed, and used to tell people this when illustrating how exiting and adventurous england was)
>>695058685
>being guilty of white privileged, and guess what, to become un-guilty you have to pay money
what you are even talking about
>>695064316
jeez, my parents still believe this, fuuck
That criminals would be punished and voting mattered
>>695064699
>and voting mattered
This is the kind of shit that made Brexit a reality
>>695063837
>Expecting a kidnapping story to be cool.
Beaten snatched he held for ransome released life goes on.
Never promised stockholm syndrome or any fun shit.
When I was 5 or 6, I thought people could see what I was thinking about by looking into my eyes. Also thought there was a ghost following me wherever I went.
>>695064971
Brexit was the best thing to have ever happened.
>>695065113
Shut yer git, grandpa.
>>695064517
>white male
>hasn't checked his privilege
You fucking disgust me.
>>695051366
What the fuck were your parents trying to teach you?
>>695051366
>thought microwaves could also cool food
>when someone kissed in a movie it was fake and they had plastic on their lips so they woudlnt really touch
>>695065678
Well, there was that one time in that Batman movie
>babies came out of buttholes
>tricked my brother into believing hogwarts was real one time. Told him there have actually been reports of people flying around on broomsticks and that Harry Potter was long dead but books were written based on his history
>>695063863
Were you born as a fetus?
>>695066463
I was actually born as an old man. Am currently in my twenties.
>>695060202
>>if you breathe while walking behind someone you will slowly become more like them
this thought is somewhat uncomfortable
>if you touch lava even with the tip of your shoe you die instantly
>>695066952
>what playing a lot of minecraft does to your brain
>sitting to close to tv would make eyes square
>pee came from balls
>I could control weather
>mother didn't love me
>I was adopted
>>695055806
>>695055806
underrated
>>695054976
calling bs, mostly because of the filename
>>695053275
Yep too bad white men aren't punished for their crimes. Particularly the wealthy ones.
>>695058140
>have you seen WKUK's Popcorn Factory sketch?
>>695051366
> powerlevel of battaries would drop drastically when you hold them too long in your hand
> if you are getting in a relationship you ar forced to make out and have sex, other people will judge and laugh at you thoug
> taking a shower twice a week is enough
evry 3 dimensional object has a line somewhere, where it began. like in cartoons.
> if a team is pritty good at football they will become world champion.
> gaining girls attention by spitting at them is a legit way, so is vilence
> i was a shy and nice kid, exept when i´m attacked by one special guy, I fought back till someone cried
read my old grading papers and the remaks, seems like particular kid tried a lot to pick on me, so was still pritty vilent.
> black cat walking fromleft to right = bad luck; other way round brings money
> adults are trustworthy and wise
> dick won´t grow, ever. just deal with it
> since Joseph didn´t fulfill his maritial duty and fuck Marry makes Jesus a bastard
> i can turn my old stamps from the third reich with 3 billion reichmark in for valid money, bankrupt any bank
well
>>695060349
>being this triggered
>>695056236
>>695056297
it is, it's called daddy long legs my dude
>>695058448
>microwave cancer
>>695063700
>force me
You have to be an adult to post on this site.
![951[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/JipvI9t.gif "951[1].gif")
>>695052209
>you have to drink the throf of drinks
what?
>>695069061
It's obviously some kind of Nord drink, you filthy milk-drinker.
>>695069061
>you filthy milk-drinker
now i'm even more confused
>>695052209
are you 12?
> that everything would turn out ok
>adults didn't cry
>Dildos had semen in them, and people didn't have sex for fun, just to have kids.
If you got a splinter and didn't take it out, it would make its way to your heart and kill you.
>>695063464
>That if I hid from my ps1 during loading screens, it would go faster
>>695065678
There's an episode of Sanford & Son where Lamont has to give Fred mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. There is a clearly visible piece of Saran Wrap over Fred's mouth, which Lamont nonchalantly removes in front of the camera when he finishes.
>>695051366
YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY THE ISLAMIC TRUCK OF TOLERANCE
______________¶___
|religion of peace ||l “”|””\__,_
|______________|||__|__|__|] beep beep!
(@)@)*********(@)(@)**(@)
>>695051366
>That my parents loved me
>>695071477
Boohoo. Why don't you kill yourself over it, baby?
![maxresdefault[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/dTNchq4.jpg "maxresdefault[1].jpg")
>>695063482
>>695059350
Ikr what an asshole
>>695059925
pls explain ps2
>>695055252
I knew a girl like that
>>695061969
>"ur"
>retarded
gave me a good krekkle, that post
>>695051366
yankees baseball hall of famers were buried under the stadium... iirc i thought babe ruth and mickey mantle were buried in the outfield.
>if you have too much money, you will be arrested
>>695067051
>>mother didn't love me
but you know that's true anon
if you rip a dollar bill in half it's worth 50 cents, you can make change this way if you dont have coins
>>695068006
nice English there, faggot
plenty of horny barely legal teens of your city on https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/t5dvcdgvh5u7ny0/girls.html
>people in movies really died
So I'm teaching child shit straight from the get go,
> Santa is a character not real, your presents are all from US/family
> When people die (important family member passed recently) they are dead.
> if you want something you work for it - wishes will not be enough
> some people are just dicks
> we're not all equal.
> Practise will help you get better, but you wont always win without being the best
Am I going to ruin a person? or am I on the right track for master race.
>I was my uncle's favorite
>drinking his homemade milk was better than regular milk
>all men wrestler naked
>his friend Jared was a special photographer and his basement was a studio
>Always smile even ifor I'm crying or it will hurt more
>electrical lines move up and down on its own when we're moving in a car.
> If I practiced hard enough, danced everyday, and convinced people I was MIchael Jackson, I'd eventually become Michael Jackson.
> If I went sneaking around enough, gathered enough people to join me sneaking around through neighborhood yards, we'd eventually become elite spies and join Mission Impossible. I had a while crew of kids doing this with me sometimes. It was fun.
> I would become the Terminator if I curl up in a ball naked on the floor after showering and slowly get up reciting the terminator theme in my head.
>I would find my one true love and marry her because it's fate and inevitably happen.
> gothic culture knew some kind of truth to the world and if I immersed myself is the culture, I'd be as esoteric as they are.
>>695056163
You sound like me, except in my case I didn't get in any relationships at all. Im turning 20 soon and I'm still a kissless virgin while the women around me at church got pregnant had sex and fucked any guy at their school. Yet their parents still saw me as a bad example for not arriving to church on time or coming at all.
>>695059925
>>my sisters convinced me i was an adopted african child
why did I laugh so hard at this
>>695068006
None of this was all that long ago, was it, Timmy?
>>695075745
>if I curl up in a ball naked on the floor after showering
dat fluoride doe
>>695076449
fuck yeah i did. i'm instinctively afraid to bite my nails to this day. that was a pretty fucked up thing to tell a kid tho
>>695073692
Irony at it's best.
i thought the sound cicadas make had something to do with the power lines getting too hot since you hear them in summer and it sounded kinda electrical to me
When I was 4 and met a black girl for the first time in my life I asked her why she was so dirty and why didn't her mother just give her a bath
>>695076990
Well worth it. Nail biting is one of the most gross and annoying things a person can do. I once made up a reason to fire someone simply because I couldn't stand hearing him chew his nails and knowing he was touching everything with his spit fingers.
>>695077127
Hello Southeastfag
>>695064384
Your dad just loved you more than most anon.
Study and get a good job. Sounds lame but only thing I was told as a kid.
>be 6
>mom and dad fought alot
>no christmas or thanksgiving because of fights
>was taken to aunt who told me alot of things about the government
>kids talk about santa clause easter bunny etc at school
>try to talk to family about it
>mom and dad dont care and tell me to play outside
>talk to my uncle who was in the vietnam war and tells me that they were all made up and how my life is looking like at the time
>tells me I will die miserably if I don't study and work for something however to be smart about my choices of survival at the same time
Also he taught me all about sex and female organs. Had an easy grade for sex ed.
>>695056963
fucking same
>the bands on the radio were actually at the radio station playing live
>you could automatically take your teeth out when you got to like 60 years old
>retarded kids just didn't have a home
>getting a referral from school is the end of the world and my paernts will disown me
>women have no genitals and they poop babies
>>695064033
>>695063863
It's a load of tosh, while technically true, the way it's always worded is that men are women in the womb. In reality they're both similar till hormones and other things kick in and grow other parts for both sets. If we "were" women, the female fetus wouldn't then proceed to specialise in certain cell growth after the fact.
It's a manipulation of words, sex isn't a thing until after the genders differenciate from one another.
>I was born an orangutan and my parents just shaved me hairless as a baby.
>If I took shit apart I would know how it worked perfectly and be able to put it back together again without it breaking.
I fucked up a perfectly good PS2 when I was 15 due to this belief.
>>695060424
I keep watering mine and it just won't grow
>that god decides when you are pregnant and I was so scared as a kid I used to beg and pray that he wouldn't choose me (grew up in an extremely conservative Christian household, the fear of god was real)
>men didn't have emotions like love happiness etc that's what my mom taught me
>now I'm a godless heathen with trust issues
>>695079462
Try using non salty water
>>695051366
I thought you had nipples on your back
mostly because the doctor used his stethoscope close to my nipples and he also used it on my back afterwards
>Brown cows make chocolate milk
>girls pee from their butts
>the Shoah
>>695051366
>thought actors actually died in movies they died in
>thought people that shopped at the grocery store lived there
>>695079655
I believed that same thing kinda. My mother told me when I was little that women got pregnant by praying and asking for it. My dad gave me the real story later on when I was 9 or 10.
>>695080055
So did you live in the grocery store too?
>>695079407
Are you fucking retarded? I knew far better than to do something that stupid at 10.
>>695079407
>>I was born an orangutan and my parents just shaved me hairless as a baby.
Well you aren't that far off m8. We share like 97% DNA with them.
