Stupidest shit youve done while horny
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Stupidest shit youve done while horny
paid for an old fat escort
fucked a girl that wasn't my girlfriend while drunk without protection and obtained warts, you?
Dry humping my sleeping cousin
jacked off to traps
jerked off in my neighbors backyard behind some bushes.... not really sure why
>>694471745
Fucked a firl I didn't really feel attracted to.
>>694471745
Fucking this. Pic isn't me but I did this exact thing a few times.
Imagine my surprise when I came across this.
>fucking imagefap
fucked my cat when i was 13
she was dead next morning
sad shit
>>694472169
How old was the firl?
>>694471745
Let my uncle in law fuck me.
Fapped with honey instead of lube/lotion. Don't try this, seriously.
>>694472169
/thread
Jerked off in my office. At any point someone could have walked in and caught me, but I was so fucking turned on I couldn't wait.
I once accidentally the whole thing
>>694472785
/fread
>>694472614
Why?
I fucked a pineapple at my old job.
>>694472169
>2016
>not regretting fucking firls
been ugly and thought i had the right to touch myself
even though its me and no one else bothers
your mother
>>694472872
eternal bleeding i guess
>>694472954
Did it feel like a firl?
>>694473113
No i mean why the fuck would you do that in the first place?
>>694473113
kek
>>694471745
Fucked a friends couch.
>>694471745
My older brother and I molested out sister (she was 13 at the time)
>>694473124
Pretty much. Except it was cold.
>>694473113
the whole D??
>>694472614
>>694471745
mother panties wearing when age 10 years, humper podushka, first time make cummies
let a fairy chuvak make suck me until glorious cummie blast
cut hole in memory foam podushka, make fill with lubricate, fuck poduksha
Any advice on how to cheat?
>>694473194
Please stop
>>694471745
Fap in my car hopefully finding a milf at a red light and she looks over and sees my hard dick.
>>694471745
Had unprotected sex with a girl who'd literally just come to my house to kill me (and probably herself, afterward). Ended up turning out well, but at the time it was pretty fucking stupid.
>>694471745
Your mom.
>>694473290
kek, same
to this day I don't know if he knows theres jizz stains inside, between the cushions
>>694473452
Okay, sorry anon
>>694472131
Are you me?
>>694473487
>Had unprotected sex with a firl
Ftfy
>>694473564
I heard the couch gave birth to ottomans.
>>694473290
Did it feel like a real firl
>>694473589
Yes. Let's fuck.
Wearing gym shorts in public.
>>694473640
Did you have to pay for it?
If so, how much did it cost?
>>694473194
she licked my balls after the shower
that made me horny
>>694472799
I do this all the time.
I leave my nut under the trash bag in my bosses office.
He cant figure out why his office smells funky...
>>694473640
what are u evn talking about
Cheated on all my 4 serious girlfriends. Probably fucked on the side about 20 times in total, plus a few times that was just kissing. It's a curse.
Fucked a jar of Ona gel
bad times friend
>>694473806
>about a free fiddy
>>694472131
Did you make a bunch of homophobic shitposts after you finished? Because that's what prevents you from turning into a gay, you know.
fucked a fat emotional girl who had a clubfoot and a tongue piercing. fucked her for like 2 weeks and condescendingly listened to her talk about all her problems.
>>694473379
no maybe 10cm
>>694474008
>fucked a fat emotional firl
Ftfy idiot
>>694473399
/thread
>>694473884
It's not a curse. You're just a piece of shit
>>694473640
>>694474136
would you fuck off, you aren't fooling anyone.
>>694473665
xex
>>694471745
u're mum
>>694473487
Green text it faggot
Responded to craigslist ad posted by a couple looking for a sissy sub. It was recent, they want to put me in chastity. Still not sure if I'm gunna do it
>>694474220
Jeus christ anon chill its just a meme, no need to get all emotional like a firl
>>694473665
You are not a funny person.
That's 12 year old tier comedy
>>694474165
Kek. I agree
>>694473884
you are such a faggot
>>694471745
poured chocolate pudding all over myself in my bathtub
was fun, would recommend and do again
>>694474165
I know. That's what the curse is about. Quitting being a piece of shit is probably the hardest thing in the world to quit.
>>694471745
had unprotected sex with two dudes I hardly knew. stupid stupid shit, but no aids and wonderful memories.
>>694472717
Irrelevant.
>>694473047
Didn't say I regret it. I said it was stupid. Helped me learn. Also, I'm on my phone. Typos are bound to crop up.
go to omegle and show my tiny 12yo dick to old pedos
>>694474388
That's what your mom said, after I shaved her back last night
>>694474360
Already did. Pic related.
>>694473333
Quads. You got horny with your brother. Homosexual, incestuous and abusive. Don't cut yourself with that edge.
>>694474360
>it faggot
>>694474533
>f694472717 #
Irrelevant.
>>f694473047 #
>Didn't say I fregret it. I said it was fupid. Helped me flearn. Also, I'm on my flone. Fypos are bound to frop up
Got these dubs
>>694474785
2/3 correct.
>>694474846
>fot fese fubs
>>694471745
Back in high school I would finger my gf to orgasm while we where sitting at a table across from her freinds. Fucked her in the school storage sheds, behind the sheds, on the feild, on almost every bench in the school, on the roof, and in the hallway only an hour after class let out and the staff was still there. Oh and one time she blew me in the back of her parents camrey while her Parents where driving at night because her patents where tired and there where a ton of blankets. Good times
>>694474769
shit man, gg
fucked an overweight slightly unattractive mature fag hag a couple times, but i got a bunch of free marijuanas out of it and the best blowjob i have ever received in my entire life...meh, that's life
Tried to slip a metal chopstick up my dick but forgot I had eaten spicy ramen with said chopstick 30 minutes prior to the fap session. Bad times were had.
>>694475240
I fingered my hs girlfriend in the back of my parents car and in rooms full of our friends.
>>694475240
>Fack fin figh fchool I fwould finger my ff to orgasm fwhile we where sitting at a table across from her freinds. Fucked her in the school storage sheds, behind the sheds, on the feild, on almost every bench in the school, on the roof, and in the hallway only an hour after class let out and the staff was still there. Oh and one time she blew me in the back of her parents camrey while her Parents where driving at night because her patents where tired and there where a ton of blankets. Good times
>>694471745
tried to get a miniature pomeranian to eat a dog treat out of my ass. she wouldn't do it
>>694472759
why, i did it and had no consequences
>>694475656
>firlfriend
>>694475692
that's what peanut butter was invented for
>>694475690
What was the point of this post?
>>694475766
Fhy fi fid ft fith fo foncequnses
>>694472866
/bread
>>694475933
>Fwhat fwas fhe foint ff foint fost?
Drove 2 hours to fuck a chub who wasn't even that attractive, but had nice tits. To be 22 again :(
>>694474769
fake
>>694475834
Fu fure far falty
>>694471745
Stick my cock in a faggots holes from time to time.
Call him all sorts of degrading names.
St8 married with kids
>>694473852
Some 13 year olds should be put under observation or in special placea, where they can easily be stopped from posting shit baits like this.
>>694476215
are you me?
Put my dick in my bathroom sink and put hot water on it.
Or slapped my keyboard with my dick until it hurt.
>>694474769
>>694472852
funny and clever.
uh let's see...
spied on BF's big titted sister after she'd shower. did this several times. stopped after being caught (worst part is on reflection she would've probably dated/given access to said big tiddies had i went after her)
also masturbated into her panties a few times
hmm... stupidest... nothing that wild i guess
>>694474769
Oh fuck, I was there when you posted this. Damn near made me cry.
>>694476553
Funny fnd flelver
>>694474384
You are genuinely unfunny and if you have friends I feel sorry for them because they have to put up with you
>>694476342
Possibly. I'm a 6'3'' 200lbs god who loves dark haired girls with big tits. I guess that makes me a chubby chaser, because i've definitely gone after hotter girls' wing-women when i they have bigger racks
>>694476766
Making /b/ great again, anon. You're doing god's work.
>>694476908
I dont just have friends i have a firl friend
>>694477012
Fanks frump
Fake fmerica freat fgain
>>694476718
just remembered two situations. one funny. one fucked up.
funny
>came so much and so hard it flew up and all over my old keyboard. it didnt work after that
horrible
>when i was 12 and new to the internet back in the days of limewire searching for hot young models i downloaded what was apparently cp.
>it gets worse.
>i find out not by opening the files myself but the morning the files downloaded i had gone to church with my family
>mother stayed home because she was sick
>she decided to go delete my porn. she occasionally did this. thought i had hid it better this time
>finds it
was a real shit storm but ended up believing me when i said i'm just a dumbass. downloading several files that were pure trojans possibly helped
>be 12 visiting my hot little aunt
>swimming all day with the family, aunt actually grinds her ass on my cock under the water
>get back to her house and immediately say I have to use the bathroom, told to use the one in aunt's room
> find her panty drawer and pull out some nice pink silk ones. Go in the bathroom and have an epic session. Blow all over her panties
>Put them back in the drawer because I don't want to get caught
>mfw aunt comes out of her room after changing out of her swimming suit
>wasn't allowed back for two years
>>694474363
meet and sex normally first, THEN chastity the second time if you like them.
i sat down
Fapped to Whitney cummings' Snapchat
>>694478106
I keked
>>694478106
Kek Your own family banned you for 2 years?
>>694478965
no. was banned from my aunt & uncle's house for two years. family was over there visiting and swimming. talked about it with my aunt a few years later but no one else in my family ever mentioned it again.
>>694474769
I don't know how much I believe this but I fucking love it
>>694479226
kekmao so what did you and your aunt/uncle discuss?
>"hey you, stop busting nuts in my bitche's panties"
>>694474843
Well, at least I've had sex I don't regret, unlike your parents.
>>694475690
Seriously, that's some effort for nothing.
>>694479489
uncle never said a word about it. He just told my folks to never bring me over again. Ended up being about two years before I was allowed back. Then I lived with them for 3 years. Thats a whole other story
BLAH
>>694479783
U mad bra
>>694479708
>whole other story
anything interesting worth saying?
>>694479708
What did your Aunt say? Are you related to her? Did you put your pee pe in her?
>>694471745
accidentally used rubber cement instead of KY jelly for anal lube
>>694480532
>>694480607
it will take a min to write it up. never told these stories to anyone
>>694472614
didn't your cat scratch?
>>694481130
shit, i ain't got anywhere to be. i'll grab a drink
>>694473113
>eternal bleeding
>>694472169
>fat firls
This is my favorite thread all day
>>694476351
Underrated post of they year
>>694482241
Fnderatted fost
>>694471745
Got married. Had marital relations in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation
>>694471745
cop a feel on a mannequin in a shopping mall
>>694474769
>>694473399
Damn. That's some hardcore feels.
>>694485274
how the hell do you enlarge it enough to read without the text going to shit?
>>694471745
Raped a girl at a party. She'd been constantly pushing me all night, trying to get underneath my skin every time she saw me. Eventually after I got super drunk I got her alone in a room upstairs and literally raped her.
We fell asleep right there (both really, really drunk). In the morning it turned out that she'd actually loved it; she was attracted to me but since she was a virgin and never dated before she really didn't know how to flirt or anything so she just kept teasing me.
Ended up dating her for six months till she moved out of town for college.
>>694473399
Jesus... Thought this was just porn at first but god damn, that ending...
>be me at 13
>me and my friends used to go to "The Hills" and ride our bikes and do sick stunts
>it's on the edge of town
>this is before cell phones, so I ride all the way out there to see if anyone else is
>not a soul in sight
>ride my bike for a while
>get bored so park my bike and sit on top of the hill
>woods behind me
>wild boner appears out of nowhere
>stupid horny
>climb down the backside of the hill
>start rubbing my cock
>notice how soft and loose the dirt is
>idealightbulb.jpg
>dig a hole in the hill
>stuff one of my socks in the hole
>stuff my dick in the sock
>go to fucking Pound Town on that sexy dirt mound
>cum the cum of a horny teenager
>pull my pants up and throw the sock in the woods
>ride my bike back home and sleep like a baby
And that's how I lost my virginity to the ultimate MILF, Mother Earth.
fapped in the middle of class in the 7th grade next to my crush. was great
>>694486239
>I lost my virginity to the ultimate MILF, Mother Earth.
kek
>>694486325
I love how the responses in this thread range from "jerked off" to "fucked a corpse"
Good variety.
>>694471925
Same here. Got HIV though.
>>694471745
While my friend and his sister went to pickup subway, i stayed at their house and jerked off with his sisters bikini on her bed. Good times, also i was like 14
Lost my virginity to a 16 yr old slut and got herpes only time I've had sex wasn't worth it
>>694474769
holy tits
>>694471745
I fucked my English teacher but then she got mad at me for improper use of a colon
>>694474769
>>694487217
That would suck, especially for the girl knowing (possibly) before she was 16 she already has herpes
>>694485409
open image in new tab (just click on the file name)
>>694473487
>That feels thread greentext
>be me 14
>just finished school
>suddenly need to fap
>get naked
>photoshop sister's face into 100 boy CP pics
>print them all out
>arrange them all on the floor
>prop up a mirror so I could watch myself
>keep fapping and edging it for about thirty minutes
>moaning YOOU NASTY LITTLE WHORE GIVE ME YOUR HAIRLESS DICK I WANT TO BITE IT OFF
>ejaculate boiling hot jizz all over the pics
>collapse panting and sweating
>nearly black out from the joyful orgasm
>look up
>realize I'm in McDonalds
>>694487577
Check'd and kek'd.
>>694473874
funky? sounds like you need to see a doctor.
>>694487704
What McDonalds has a printer for customers? Fake lol
>>694471925
Same but got herpes
>>694474769
god dam it this isn't supposed to be a feels thread
AND YET I FEEL
>>694487577
ol' margey hamilton was a straight up fox. what i'd give to rail that chick in her prime
>>694471925
Same, except i got herpes and it was a trap.. its been recurring repeatedly lately i hope i didnt get hiv. I came up negative for hiv the same time i came up positive for herpes so i think im all good
Herpes aint that bad
>>694487615
She called herself the "Man collector" so I'm sure she knew adding to the fact that she's been fucking guys in their 30s since she was 13. Fucking her was the first time I had vodka haven't touched it since
>>694488345
Same except I got aids and the girl was a horse
>>694474769
That's like something straight out of a fucking anime. If that's true then thats surreal, I'm fucking jealous of your life man.
>>694488345
>Herpes aint that bad
Neither is HIV with modern treatment. And it's looking like there might be a cure within the next several years.
>>694488581
Nigga only certain monkeys and humans can get hiv
>>694488729
Oh, I actually didn't know that. Fun facts from 4chan, I guess.
>>694471745
had a 4 way with my girlfriend, my best friends girlfriend, and some dude that wasn't my best friend.
>>694488631
You cant cure a virus as far as we know.. a virus is genetic material and attactches to your DNA. Theoretically you can't cure that shit
>>694473575
faggot
>>694488871
Kek right on anon
>>694489037
>you can't cure that shit
>can't cure a virus
>>694488567
Sorry to hear that, shes a cunt for not letting you know.
>>694471745
>>Stupidest shit youve done while horny
>be me
>be 14ish
>limp but feelin' the need to fap
>see a vase
>vase's opening is a little bigger than my limp dick
>stick dick in vase
>start using vase as a pocket pussy
>get hard
>vase feels tight
>feels good
>get harder
>vase feels tighter
>does not feel good
>try to pull out
>can't
>try to think of something to make me limp
>14yo boy, everything makes me hard
>start freaking out
>have a moment of clarity
>grab mom's smell good fru-fru lotion
>put some around the opening of the vase
>move vase to work the lotion in
>repeat 10-15 times
>cum buckets
>go limp
>pull out
>vow to never do anything that stupid again
>ffwd 2 weeks
>fuck the vase again
>this time I start lubing instead of waiting to get stuck
>>694489397
Fact
>>694489390
This has always confused me.
The more you know....
The more you know, what?
That isn't even a sentence.
>>694489021
Wtf and cuck
>>694489670
Man, its supposed to be, the more you know and they link it to a fact they didnt know before, its not fukin rocket science.
Ran naked at night in a field with only my snickers on, then masturbated (I did this twice)
Climbed a tree and shoved a tiny tree branch up my ass (it was sweet)
Masturbated during classes (when I was young)
Masturbated during classes when I was RIGHT next to my crush (was young so no cum)
Made a female dog lick my dick
>>694480128
no i was testing if i was banned
>>694489670
>Anon learned something today
>The more anon knows for future reference
>>694489037
What the fuck are you even talking about?
>>694489866
>only your snickers on
>>694472131
oops thought that said "trips"
>>694489853
For reelz yo
>>694471745
Got in the bath tub, turns water on, See its coming out pretty good. Dick hard...
Lay down in tub and put my legs in the air
Push my ass all the way to the front of the tub and let the water beat down on my balls
Felt great,
I came
Problem was... the second time i did it. My mother walked in on me
When i was a kid in elementary i used to get off by staying behind after the recess bell, for some reason i had a fetish for getting caught, or knowing i was late to class. Ran through the field after the recess teacher yelled at me to get back to class with a boner. 10/10
>>694471745
>cut a hole through my gel wrist rest and fucked it for like a year, it became smelly as shit even though I washed it each use.
>Fucked a jar of warm spaghetti
>froze a squash, thawed it out and fucked it (freezing it makes it soft and mushy)
>used death grip and damaged my dick so it's numb to most everything now.
>tried to fuck my dog when I was 12 but dick couldn't go inside her.
>Masturbate outside at night for the thrill of it
>maturbated close to a raging fire because the burning sensation made the orgasm more intense but probably fucked my nerves up too.
>had unprotected sex with someone I just met
>>694474433
That is not possible
>>694489490
Considering I was drunk and she was on acid it was my fault the thought of losing my virginity was to powerful plus she was 4'9 and 90 pounds will prob be the tightest pussy I'll ever have would post her nudes but not drunk enough to release cp
ate my own poo poo. Tasted like Gorgonzola cheese mixed with something alkaline
>>694490229
Greentext some of these kek
>>694489853
Don't be a retard.
>>694489957
I know, it just always struck me as being strange that such a gramatically clumsy expression would take off. The way most people say it, like, "the more you know," ... Like there is more they're just skipping. Like how you say "when in rome" or "sticks and stones,"
People always say it like there should be more.
>>694476287
>Stick my cock in a faggots holes
>St8
got some bad news for you faggot
>>694489037
Earlier this year researchers successfully extracted HIV from living tissue for the first time, cleansing the tissue entirely of the virus. What HIV does is it slowly spreads throughout your entire body, attacking t cells along the way. What the available treatment does is keep the virus localized and contained. I don't know the specifics, but some scientists are saying that it's within the realm of possibility that within the next ten years they'll find a way to extract the virus entirely from the human body.
Fat coworker had been hitting on me for a while so I took her up on it just cuz I was desperate. Big mistake cuz she was such a heavy smoker & drinker that the smell put me off completely. I couldn't get hard for her and I left after she called me a fag. I ended up having to quit that job cuz I know people were talking about it.
Anyone ever tried jacking off with mint tooth paste
#Works
>>694490298
http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph56362310b8f0c
It actually is, and it's glorious.
I was eating a girl out on a church pew and said jesus christ we should fuck
>>694490004
>>694489397
Jesus fucking christ /b/ is full of faggots here you go click this link and it will show you what hes talking about
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Can+you+cure+viruses
>>694490229
I forgot to add to this a lot, like minty toothpaste, vacuum cleaner, sisters underwear, rubber gloves, soap, baking soda, cayenne pepper, cinnamon oil... the list goes on.
The first time i fully understood an orgasm was on the internet, i was finished a report on Ontario Canada and somehow got caught in a website for boomers. A bunch of old naked women with saggy tits, got rock solid within seconds and jizzed minutes later without any friction. Love those giant saggy grandma titties
>>694489037
While technically correct your understanding of this is lacking. Half the truth, etc..
>>694490463
I would be incredibly impressed if they cure a virus.
Thats cool im going to check that out
>>694490373
If anyone is being retarded it's you. Read the fuckin sentence in the meme then re-read it again, then realize how big of a dumbass you're being.
>>694490759
[Citation needed]
broken my dick on adderall and then again on meth. using a fish tank gravel vacuum as a penis pump on bath salts. trying to shove my shrunken flaccid cock into a fleshlight for maybe 12 hours straight on bath salts.
>>694473415
Nice
>>694490930
Nigga why the fuck do you want me to cite what he said? Make him cite it, he said it. Burden of proof is on the claimant.
>>694491072
keep it up faggot, I dare you, see what happens
>>694487704
> realize I'm in McDonalds
I kek'd
Dumbest thing i fucking ever did was when i was alone with a big ass dog i let the dog lick my dick
Used my sister's panties to jerk off... great idea, til she caught me
>>694491072
Bro i just looked that shit up hes right
>>694490901
"The more you know" is literally not a sentence, it's a sentence fragment. Before you go calling someone a retard go take first grade English again and remind yourself what an actual sentence is.
>>694491314
how the fuck do you faggots keep getting caught in this thread? did you not lock doors? did you not check to see who was in the house? idiots
>>694490901
Kek
>>694489564
Did you clean it out?
Is the vase still around?
>>694491158
Okay, sure.
>>694491355
I know, I said he was right. I literally said he was correct. Why is this an issue.
>>694473439
Fuck someone who is not your gf
Don't tell anyone
Make sure she doesn't tell anyone
Simple
>>694491406
"The more you know"
>>694490901
Uh... Buddy? You may want to read what he said again.
>>694473487
are you the guy who was going through some shit and was fucking crackheads and heroin addicts and shit?
>>694491158
Show us your asshole
>>694489564
lol
>>694491158
i aint even the guy your mad at but what exactly are you gonna do, and why would you even do it, he said the guy was correct?
not even sure what your mad about, are you mad that he agreed with him or do you think hes saying the guy was wrong?
>be me 13 years old
>bad mood because brother being a dick
>family goes to beach but I stay home
>lonely and decide to let the dog fuck my pussy
He was a great dog, always tried to hump me and my family, pretty much any guests as well. I just decide to let him have a go, did it 3 times before my family got back home. Now I learn that you can get worms and shit.
>>694491621
That's some good looking flour, make some pancakes for my kids with that.
>>694491488
I was alone when I started. She came home before I expected to her and didn't hear, cuz I was in the laundry room, on the other side of the house from the front door.
>>694489037
A major issue is finding good targets for a drug. Viruses are fundamentally much less “complicated” than bacteria are. A bacterium must be able to all things necessary for life: copy, transcribe, and translate its genome, carry out metabolism, etc etc. While these activities parallel what happens in human cells, the molecular machines that carry them out tend to be quite distinct. In addition, bacteria have cell membranes that are chemically distinct from human cells. Together, this means that there are a number of possible drug targets that should be specific for bacteria and relatively harmless in humans.
Viruses however are much less complicated; rather than have a metabolism or even produce their own proteins they hijack another cell to carry this out instead. Generally, viruses will only produce the proteins they need to get into a cell and hijack it, with possibly some immune evasion genes thrown in as well*. This means that there are much fewer targets for a virus than for a bacteria. When you couple in the fact that viruses tend to have a relatively high mutation rate compared to bacteria, it becomes very hard to make a drug that will last for very long. For example, HIV will mutate resistance to any single antiviral drug within months. This is why patients are now given a cocktail of three drugs; it is statistically very unlikely for the virus to mutate resistance to all three drugs at the same time (so if you get resistance to one the other two still kill it) and this brings the viral load down to almost undetectable levels.
*Viruses are of course very diverse and some can be quite complicated. Poxviruses for example produce their own DNA replication and transcription machinery and quite a few immune-evasion genes
>>694491547
Wait someone did cite it >>694490590
>>694491158
>>694490229
>>694490600
You are like a text book sex addict. Fucking christ man.
>>694491641
*fhow uf youf affhole
>>694471745
Made my dog lick my dick
>>694491917
>not keeping an eye out if anyone comes home
dipshit. it's like you fags dont even know how to fap
>>694491888
Trips
>Dog licks shit
>Dog eats puke
>Dog sniffs ass
>Dog licks your pussy
>>694474769
Beautiful man :)
>>694491961
He didn't cite it you retard, follow the link
>>694491917
still though you were in the damn laundry room instead of a reasonable place like the bathroom or your bedroom
>back in touch with ex, says be there at 7 for naughty times
>then says she'll call me when her bf leaves
>boy i want some fuck so i'll just go wait in my car in a parking lot
>drive an hour and wait around in my car
>step out for a stretch and smoke
>lock myself out start to panic
>i was an inch away from busting out my passenger window with a rock when i checked my wallet to find a spare key i forgot i had
>wait around in hot ass car until 12
>start driving back home and half way there she texts me and says she just woke up
>i don't have enough gas to make it back there and then back home and i have no money
>go home and take a nap
>wake up and cry
>don't even know what to text her so i just dont
>>694473884
>>694473439
Same fag
>>694491888
fucking hot. do you still do this?
>>694491888
Thats hot actually.
What breed of dog?
>>694487704
>>realize I'm in McDonalds
So what actually happened? You had a wet dream in McDonald's?
>>694491941
Ive been waiting for someone to prove me right, that was a good description. Saved that shit.
I always have a hard time arguing with hopefags
>>694473113
>eternal bleeding
I'm dying.
Fucked my /b/ros (like friend bro not my mom, kek) when he was at work.
She had awesome pierced nippled and could suck a golfball through a waterhose.
Felt guilty because I was cheating on my gf.
Sometimes I blow myself until completion. Feel gross after, but at least it's MY dick. Faggots.
>>694492661
You don't get how jokes work, do you
>>694474769
Meh. You should have described the sex in detail.
>>694473113
Kek
>>694492916
Friends mom***
Fucking phone
>>694476921
tell me you're in new zealand...
>>694493005
i didnt even realize it was supposed to be funny
>>694492692
He didn't actually prove you right, what he posted was about difficulties in treating viral infections compared to bacterial infections. His post says nothing about viruses becoming part of your DNA and being impossible to treat.
I know everybody wants to be right, but come on, at least read the fucking post...
i rubbed my cock on a warm raditor... fucked radiator god
>>694475690
I appreciate your fruitless effort, fid snigger
Why does /b/ not do author IDs anymore? The amount of samefags in threads are way too high nowadays and so obvious, it hurts.
>Horny and alone at home
>Decide to take out the ol'dick sucker machine
>Quickly run down to my room and start
>Been going for 10ish minutes and getting close to cums
>Didnt hear my sister and parent come home
>Continue like nothing is wrong
>Abojt to jizz and sister walks in wondering what im doing
>Sees her little brother with vacuum nozzle on dick
>Immediatley bursts out laughing and runs upstairs
>I see her but decide to finish instead of stopping her
>She tells my family what happened
>They call me upstairs to talk
>My life is over
>>694492937
i can do that but it's so much work and feels more like sucking dick than getting your dick sucked. and cummies are not that gross, i just think you're insecure about being bisexual. either that or just improve your diet.
literally just got back from fucking my best friend's sister. huge mistake, and I got so in my head that I couldn't even cum. I stayed hard and into it for like 5 minutes total then looked ridiculous and left. she has some mental disorder too so I bet her whole family's gonna find out and it's gonna jeopardize my relationship with her brother and parents too. Pretty lame. Thankfully now I'm back home and get to fap instead
>>694493012
he probably didnt mean for it to be an erotic greentext i think its just supposed to be a short feel good story
>>694493365
Care to point any out? Not saying you're wrong, just curious cuz I don't spend a lot oftime in /b/
>>694492521
>>694492580
I don't do it anymore, australian shepherd
>>694493375
Nah, it's 100% diet. I do a lot of drugs, I'm an alcoholic and I don't eat much.
>>694493405
what mental disorder?
>>694493583
any particular reason why you dont?
>>694471745
Ate out my sister then had her blow me when I was 13 and she was 17 and drunk
Shit was so cash but I regret it because she was near black out drunk and I don't think she remembers any of it
>>694493151
Oh hey Zap
>>694493693
A learning disability.
Stay a virgin for 39 years
>>694493693
I don't do it anymore because I was worried about catching worms or something, and I don't know. It just doesn't appeal to me anymore like it did when I was a horny teenager.
