>wake up at noon >30 year old NEET >had accident in
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>wake up at noon
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>mfw
>/r9k/ pls go
>>692057295
You made me feel less bad about my own life for a few moments.
>>692058064
I think you mean >>>/r9k/
>>692058238
Is that an actual game?!?!
>>692057295
Dude...where did you get a power rangers coloring book?
>>692057295
I don't think OP ever got his sauce with his tendies
>>692059607
hahaha ur fucking stupid
what is ms movie maker
is it you, Chris Chan?
>>692061291
>I don't think OP ever got his sauce
He did if you count the mum's vomit.
>>692061854
moms*
>>692060792
Mexican dollar store is full of them
Los paguer ranjers
>>692061854
Aha, grody.
>>692057295
Shit tendie story OP, kill your self
>Mummy brings home a new daddy
>"Anon, meet your new daddy. His name is Tom. :)"
>"Pleased to meet you, Anon!"
>Fucking normie mom, brings home a new daddy every week.
>Ignore him and get back to watching my favorite movie (Scoobie Doo Wrestlemania Mystery)
>Decide to bring out my wrasslin toys to re-enact the movie.
>Feeling a bit rumbly in my tummy
>Stumble over to the kitchen to redeem my GBP for some Tendy-Wendies and Cherry Coke Zero
>As I take a sip of my Cherry Coke Zero from my sippy cup, I notice out of the corner of my eye that the new Daddy has picked up my Triple H figure
>Stomp over to him
>"THEY CALL ME THE BABY BOY! NO MAN ON EARTH WILL TOUCH MY TOY!"
>BRRRRRRRRRRRR-APPLEDOUGH
>Launch myself at the fucking normie and knock him over effortlessly (I'm 6'2" 370 pounds)
>Hold him down and aim my nose at his mouth
>Begin to blow snot out of my nose at full force.
>"YOU TO LIVE WITH MUMMY AND ME? NOW YOU WILL EAT BOOGERS FOR TEA!"
>Tom begins throwing up from cobined grodyness of my boogies and body odour (havent showered in 3 weeks)
>Mummy comes in and sees the scene
>Pulls me off of her boyfriend and takes away 10 GBP (Totally worth it)
>Tom leaves early
>He hasn't called back since.
>saved up enough Good Boy Points for a new game
>ask mummy to drive me to EB Games
>says she drank too much of her adult grape juice so she cant drive
>decide to go myself
>pack some chicken tendies for the journey in case I get hungies
>go to the garage, grab my bike and TMNT bicycle helmet (leonardo, of course)
>riding my bike, people angry and yelling at me as i make my way through sidewalk (wtf am i supposed to do, ride on the street?)
>see cousin dylan walking home from school with his friends
>wave hello but he pretends not to notice me (lol he's so shy)
>get to EB Games, grab a copy of Super Smash Brothers, and head to cashier
>tell him i would like to purchase this game using my accumulated good boy points
>he gives me a weird look and then asks for my EB Games Edge points rewards card
>huh? i don't have that. its what mummy must use to keep my GBP on
>ask him if i can pay with my chicken tendies
>"uh.. no, you cant pay with chicken, that's not legal tender"
>"WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY CHICKEN TENDERS, WTF YOU THINK, THAT THESE ARE NUGGETS OR SOMETHING?"
>he tells me he's calling security, so i grab the the game and run, get on my bike, and flee
>get somewhere safe, check out game, THE CASE IS FUCKING EMPTY, IT WAS JUST FOR DISPLAY
>so angry, i take a big meaty shit inside the case and smush it shut
>throw it on sidewalk and watch as some excited kid and his mom pick it up
>lel not a complete loss i guess
>get home, police car there
>mom is hysterical
>"ANON THERE YOU ARE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??"
>tell her of my adventure as she hugs me
>get extra tendies for dinner that night
>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the counterstrike source cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green bills in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever
This shit makes me physically and mentally uncomfortable. Not much on here does that anymore.
Thanks I guess.
>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Walmart and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>thiswillnotstand.jpg
>fetch the machete from dad's old toolshed that's gone unused ever since he left
>corner mummy
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now
fucking normies
>>692064195
It's good to feel again...
>Wake up at 8 PM after my nappy-wappy
>Remembered I've been a really good boy today
>Go to check my Good Boy Point (GBP) whiteboard
>30 GBP
>Enough to go in the playroom AND get a tendie meal with ranch dipping sauce
>Wade through my piss bottles and shit jugs to get to my door
>Waddle over to mummy's room
>"Mummy! Mummy! I've been a good boy and I want to go to the pwaywoom!"
>Mummy checks my chart and leads me to the playroom
>As she unlocks the playroom, she tells me that she'll get my tendies ready
>I quickly remind her, "Don't fowget the wanch!!"
>rush into the playroom and fall over headfirst onto the racecar mat.
>begin playing with my blocks
>One hour later
>Door opens and she has my tendies, except...
>No ranch dip
>"BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY TENDIES. I NEED RANCH DIPPING SAUCE TO FULLY ENJOY MY TENDIES."
>"y-you never asks for ranch, sweetums..."
>"WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR NUMBER ONE BOY!?!?"
>"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL MOM!?"
>"d-don't worry Anon, I'll go right back down to get your ranch..."
>Throw one of my blocks at her and it hits her straight in the eye
>That's gonna leave a bruise.
>"SERVES YOU RIGHT, NORMIE BITCH! NOW GO BACK DOWN AND MAKE ME SOME MORE TENDIES!"
>Lean in close to her ear
>Shout "AND DON'T FORGET THE RANCH."
>She leaves crying
>Notice I made some wawa in my nappy.
>Comes back with the ranch
>Changes me while I enjoy my ranch-dipped tendies
>She's still crying
>mfw
I'm unironically enjoying this shit
>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy just made for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, give her black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
GBP is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies that day, at no cost!
>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums gonna take away the rest of my GBP for this
>mfw
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies
>34 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me 10 Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But anon, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need ten Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert
>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my Good Boy Points scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"Anon, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, Anon, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry Anon's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, Anon, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE
>I HAVE PAID THE GBP, NO REFUNDS
>"Please, Anon, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii U Gamepad over my wee wee, tummy tums starts growling
>Start violently farting and shitting in my diapies
>The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>Get a semi
>It's just the two of us now
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>I laugh and roll around
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, leaving a bruise
>She nods silently and makes my tendies
>Dine like a king
>>692064195
Ttust me it gets really fuvking funny when you turn 25 as an autistic virgin
>>692064769
HAHA I CALLED IT OP NEVER GOT HIS GODDAMN SAUCE WHAT A BITCH OF A MOTHER
>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I beat my chest like a Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out
>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurses give me plate upon plate of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!
>>692065928
#blessed
>23
>Wake up at 7:30 pm to the smell of warm tendies
>toddle out the hall to the living room
>see a big bowl of tendies on the table, and also mum's veggies
>Mum sits at the tendies
>"I think maybe tonight it's your turn to eat the veggies"
>I look at her and spit on the plate
>"GOOD BOYS GET TENDIES, AM I NOT A GOOD BOY MUM?"
>Throw her plate on the ground, the food is all smeared into the carpet
>I fart on the food out of disgust for my whore of a mother
>fart so hard I shit my nappy a little
>"NOW EAT IT WHORE" I scream at her
>"Anon, I'm sick of you speaking to me like that, look, you've just ruined a good meal, you didn't need to do that"
>At this point I'm furious, I grab my mum by her hair and walk her to her meal on the floor
>"It's a shame you're getting so bald, I won't be able to do this much longer" (I lied to her, she has a full healthy head of hair but I wanted to make her suffer for what she did)
>Shove her face in the food and make her eat it
>"Who's a good boy?" I ask
>"You are anon" she says, tears streaming down her face
>I put on my big boy crown and dig into my chicken tendies
>She even grabbed the ranch sauce
>I then proceed to my playpen and stay up till 3 in the morning until I'm sleepy weepy and go night nights
>I can still hear her sobbing as I'm getting into bed
>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and take a huge shit in the toilet tank
>Get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take another huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory
>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone
great success
>Monday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of tendie chilli
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.
Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints
Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats
McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy
Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!
Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries
My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies that I've yearned
But there's no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!
Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders
>Need to poop
>Shit jugs are all full
>Brainwave: if I empty all my shit jugs AND poopoo in the toilet, I get double Good Boy Points and can eat tendies all weekend
>Grab armfulls of shit jugs and head to the bathroom.
>Spill some shit jugs on the way, don't care Mummy will clean up
> Sit on toilet, my big beautiful bottom spills over the side, begin pooping.
>My bowl movement sounds like a pipe being unclogged
>Release putrid farts
>Dump my shit jugs into the bowl until the poopoo is overflowing and covering the seat.
>"MUMMY MUMMY! COME LOOK WHAT YOUR SPECIAL GOOD BOY HAS DONE!"
>Mummy comes in, sees the shit trail leading to the toilet, the overflowing bowl and smells my flatulence.
>She starts crying, obviously proud of her Best Boy.
Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime
Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss
Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies
I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"
"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a salad, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter
I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey
I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweets
Seriously OP at this point of time I dont know wheter to believe this story or not...
You should kill yourself regardless if you have the imagination & time to write all of this
>27 year old NEET
>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicky tendies just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungy for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let loose my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Central Intelligence
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "..tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicken tenders again."
And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
Baby wakes up in the morning hungry for his tendie meal
He starts shouting for his mummy, and so loudly it's unreal
"Wanna eat my chickie tendies, so please give them to me now,
And don't forget to bring the ranch, you fat, ungrateful cow"
Mummy comes in with a smile on her face
"Just a second hun", sounds like she knows her place
After just a minute comes my favorite food in bed
And I sit there eating chicken, happy baby has been fed
Mummy comes back later for my dirty dish and plate
And now I need more tendies to properly satiate
So I throw the plate at mummy and I tell her what I need
But I threw the plate so hard at her that she began to bleed
Mummy took my good boy points away
And she told me that I will be grounded for today
This is an injustice for the good boys everywhere
Time to release plan B inside of my underwear
I sit in my bed and then I have to concentrate
And release manifestation of my overwhelming hate
And when all is said and done,that is when I begin to bawl
Mummy comes back in, because she's at my beck and call
I watch her face when she smells the smell
"This is it dear mummy, this is my personal hell"
"Baby made a poo poo and needs mummy to change"
"Don't forget my good boy points, cuz I yelled out your name"
The morally of the story is that baby's always right
Gotta put mummy in place when she puts up a fight
She will try to ground you, but try as she might
When she messes with baby there is no end in sight
Cherry Coke Zero is such a joy
To go with chickie tendies for mummy's little boy
And in the morning we will do this all again
That's why daddy left us, because his is not our friend
>be me
>be 20
>be first day of high school (held back alot)
>mom drops me off
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit-snacks out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here anon?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and waddle to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch dip
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"anon, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great success
>>692067133
Please god tell me somebody has more of these
>>692067982
Fuck off summerfag
>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college
>>692069459
>Mfw im an oldfag
>Mfw the only ones using the summerfag term are summerfags
When you were young
You were the king of chicken tendies
And how you built an empire in the KFC
In yummy dipping sauce pooling around your feet
And your mom would stick a fork right into those gold morsels
And feed you from her hand, her precious baby boy
As good boy points kept adding up till the next meal you'd try
Now this is the room
Your mommy said she'd always love you
And that she'd never want you to move out or go
Into the world, to get a chance to grow
And your dad would drink until he was half dead
And your mom would come up with brand new ways to fry
Those goldbrown nuggers without which you would certainly die
I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NUGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU YESSSS I DOOOOOOOOOOOO
I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NA-U-A-U-A-UGSSSSSSSSSS
CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOU YES I DOOOOOO
From all the kinds I've tried
None of the dipping sauces lied
Whether they're breaded or they're fried
WITHOUT MY TENDIES I WOULD DIIIIIIEEEEEE
>>692062049
mors*
Pls someone screencap this and save it for future generations
>11pm, i'm in bed
>wake up with a hankering for tendies
>sneak downstairs even though it's past my bedtime
>see mummy and new daddy watching something on tv
>be extra sneaky as i go past to the kitchen
>pull big box of tendies from freezer
>ham-handedly drop it and it makes a loud *THUNK*
>mummy hears it and thinks I'm a burgler
>new daddy rushes out of the room to investigate
>he runs into the kitchen and i shit and piss everywhere in fear
>he gets angry and starts yelling at mummy
>'why the fuck do we have to live with this fucking autistic kid'
>things get heated and he hits mummy
>big mistake
>pick up a fistfull of the shit and throw it in new daddy's face
>i jump on him, throw him to the ground, then sit on his face (i weigh 300 lbs)
>sit there for a while, new daddy stops moving
>command mummy to make me tendies
>she does
>now new daddy needs a special chair he controls with his mouth to get around
>he grimaces every time i walk past
>mummy makes me tendies every day, no quibbles
>>692069880
fucking summerfag
>>692069932
You are a golden God sir. 1000 internets to you!
DARE TO TRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAYYYYYAYYYYY!
Fuck me. I wait tables and I know good and goddamned well that I'm going to slip up and say tendies to a table or co-worker. Fuck you /b/ I'll never look at chicken tenders the same again.
https://youtu.be/XnbCSboujF4?t=119
2:05
>tfw Tay-Tay is a tendie-femme
I wonder what her favorite dipping sauce is.
>Be in my bed after crashing from a LoL binge
>Shitstained undies starting to stink up a storm
>Sweat coagulating in a thick, gel layer on my skin, literal crumbs falling out of my two inch neck beard
>I guess it's time for my monthly shower
>Waddle down to my shower
>3 am, lights all off. Use my 2DS as a flash light
>Get to shower, clean as a whistle since mummy uses it too
>Shower, cleaning the dingle berries and solidified shit from my asscrack
>Touching my sphincter causes me to shit
>A huge amount of fecal matter comes flying out of my ass, cum from the anal stimulation
>Leave shower immediately, still dripping wet (that way I get EXTRA clean)
>No more poo poo inside of me means it's time for a third dinner
>Take chicken from fridge and bread them
>Put a few shots of fireball whiskey in the egg for the breading
>The uncooked tendies are wet and slimy like my turds, get grossed out and puke on the floor
>Heat up oil on the stove in a pot
>Rapidly boiling oil
>Mommy always adds water to the oil to make the tendies more moist
>Add an entire cup of water to the rapidly boiling oil
>Steam and insanely hot oil explode onto my face
>Fall to the ground as the oils heat peels and blisters the skin off my face
>6 AM Comes by, mommy comes downstairs to get ready for work
>Finds me, my shit still in the shower, my vomit on the floor, and my horribly burnt oil on the stove
>Claims it was a miracle the house didn't burn down
>Brings me to hospital
>Tendies for lunch at hospital while my burn wounds are treated
>mfw
>Settling down in my man-palace after a hard night of teaching scammers a lesson in Runescape.
>It's been a bit hot lately, so the Coke shit-jugs are starting to ferment. I can see gas-bubbles forming, and the bottles are expanding. Mommy's been getting lazy. I resolve to have a stern word with her.
>Feeling a bit peckish. I'm still only on my second dinner, after all.
>Check my GBP chart and see that I have 25 good boy points saved up! That's only 5 short of a whole box of tendies!
>"MOMMY! MOM! YOUR BEST-BOY NEEDS YOU!"
>I hear a glass smash, and a sob from outside my door. Obviously, in her rush to tend to me, the wench has dropped whatever beverage she was preparing for me. I scream louder.
>"MOMMY!! GET IN HERE NOW!". I start throwing piss bottles at the wall. One goes my window, and into the neighbour's house. I don't care. Mommy will fix it.
>All this exertion wears me out, no strength left. Lose control of my sphincter temporarily and blast shit all down the back of my limited edition Final Fantasy jammies.
>Mommy comes in and looks around the room, her face is all scrunched up, clearly distressed at how much she has displeased me.
>"I want tendies! Now!" I point in the direction of the kitchen, and expect to see her much dutifully away to prepare my nourishing reward.
>Mommy sighs and looks at the chart "Anon, you know the rules. You still need 5 more GBP for a box of chicken tenders."
>"They're called TENDIES you stupid BITCH!" I scream as I lunge towards her. I go to fetch my little league bat so I can bash her head in, but the fates cause me to miss by a TINY bit.
>"Sigh, clean up all these bottles, Anon, and I'll give you the last 5 points."
>Before I deliver the fatal blow, she walks out, and closes the door.
>In a weakened state, unable to continue the fight. I decide to clean up the jugs.
>Go to collect them all, too many for one trip. I refuse to take multiple trips, it's undignified, so I pile them all on my blanket and wrap them up.
(continued)
>>692072372
>Shit and piss jugs leaking everywhere. No bottletops on any of the MTN Dew bottles (I keep all bottlecaps in my Fallout Limited Edition Vault while their value increases!)
>Put the poopy-pile in the secret area under my bed! :^)
>"MOMMY MOMMY. TENDIE TIME! A WHOLE PACK OF TENDIES WILL SOON BE MINE!"
>Another glass shatters outside the door. How stupid IS this woman? I hear another, louder sob.
>Mommy comes in, a bullet rolls in past her foot. Maybe she was buying me that new pistol I wanted! (I'm prestige in CoD)
>She looks around, checking for poopy-bottles and pissy-wissy jugs. She doesn't know our little secret! :^)
>Tendies already on a plate! She's semi-redeemed herself!
>Ready for my reward!
>"Sorry, Anon. I still see one bottle." Mom points, and holds the plate out of reach. I see one piss-bottle I've missed! Blast!
>"N-No mom! That's MTN Dew", noting the clearish yellow liquid.
>"Oh really? Then drink some." She says.
>Horrified at the idea, but really need those GBP! Still too exhausted from talking, and the shit is starting to pool around my feet.
>I walk over and pick up the bottle. Looking down in disgust, but trying to hide it, I take a swig.
>Immediately feel the overpowering urge to throw up. Try to keep it down, but can't. Still too tired from the battle with mom earlier.
>Start throwing up all over my room. Lurch forward and trip over my Pinkie Pie plushie.
>Vomit hits my mom in the eyes and she starts screaming and vomiting too. The tendies go flying in the air, and mom smashes into everything.
>Fall back onto the bed and the shit jugs burst out from underneath. Shit and piss everywhere.
>Mom slips over in the shit, unable to stand up. Eventually she crawls out. Crying. Probably in disgust at how lazy she is.
>Tendies land on the floor in a pool of liquid shit and piss.
>Not wasting 30GBP after all that.
>Sit down for my meal.
>as I work down the shit&piss covered tendies I hear one last, sad sob and then a loud BOOM
>MFW.
>>692071468
She dips them in the Diet Coke/Vodka cocktail.
>be me
>27
>live at home with mom
>she has a party and invites our friends and families
>big pot luck but all I want is chicken tendies
>go to freezer pull out tendies
>throw some in the microwave
>come out of the kitchen with my chicken tendies and mustard
>everyone looks at me as I go back to my fap fortress
>mom comes in and tells me, "Anon, will you please be social for our family and friends? Please do it for me!"
>Go back to the living room
>"so anon I hear you like those chinese cartoons like the dragon ballsy and naroootoe?"
>starting to get pissed
>giggle and just say yeah
>then some faggot pulls out a Macbook Air to show off his faggot families vacation
>rage ensues
>run to my room screaming "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab piss bottle
>throw it at macfag
>hits him everyone goes silent
>Then I scream "Filthy fucking casual!"
>Apple is for fags
>mom grabs me
>Back hand her
>faggot white knight steps in and tells me to calm down
>start to scream and helicopter
>shit my self in the process
>everyone pulls out their iPhones to take a video
>more rage
>run back into room and grab my wooden katana
>here them talking and asking what they should do
>run out and chop at the macbook asshole
>the guy tries to tackle me but my ninjitsu skills are second to none
>he trips and bust his head open on the coffee table
>everyone runs out
>someone calls the cops
>go hid in my room
>clutch my Rei body-pillow and pray to my framed picture of Gabe Newell above my bed
>set up trap using my jizz bottles
>cops knock on door and tell me to open up
>They bust in
>first cop gets a bucket of jizz I proped over my door
>second one trips over my fleshlight
>cops throw me to the ground and hand cuff me
>mom's crying
>go to jail
>missing warm tendies and comfy animes
>>692074129
10/10 made me kek
>be me, last night
>mom tells me we're going to a family event, wants me to come
>"it will be good for you to get out of the house, anon"
>"fuck off slut" (im in the middle of minecraft building)
>she UNPLUGS MY COMPUTER, i freak out
>dad comes down and yells, mom is in tears
>im infuriated, facing the other way, but mutter obligation, feeling crafty in order to spite my normie parents
>i shower, brush teeth, and get dressed in normie clothes (jeans, sketchers, and white shirt)
>come upstairs, mom promises tendies, things start looking brighter
>we arrive, people try to greet me and say "its nice to see me"
>typical american slave families all around, i scoff to myself and acknowledge no one
>we sit down, scan through the menus
>only shit-tier food: lobster, crab, grilled chicken pastas and steak
>fuck this, ask mom wheres the tendies
>she says that they dont have any
>says I'll get tendies next week if I behave myself tonight
>the gall!
>lying bitch, i become infuriated
>i throw my menu and stand up, knock over my chair and my water glass (i had asked for mountain dew)
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" I shout loudly in the middle of the busy restaurant
>all normies shocked, i feel a rush of adrenaline
>decide to HULK THE FUCK OUT
>ANON SMASH
>try to tear apart shirt, doesnt work
>oh well
>storm out of restaurant with pride
>mom and dad come out, mom is crying and dad is fuming
>mission accomplished
>silent drive home as i snicker to myself in the back seat
>mum makes me tasty tendies for lunch&dindins today
>now enjoying a nice tuesday night on /b/ and basking in my accomplishment.
>mfw
>2am. Hungry
>Grab my bitch summoning stick. Bang it on the wall until Mommy arrives
>She takes ages to arrives. She's pregnant from some Chad who then dumped her
>Tell her I'm hungry and want to go to Burger King
>"No Anon, it's late. I have to work tomorrow
>Tell her it's no wonder Chad left after knocking her up and if she's not nicer to her Good Boy, he'll leave her too.
> Her eyes well up and she drives me to Burger King.
>I get a kid's meal and play with my toys for a while.
>Tell Mommy I want to be the Burger King and to get me a cardboard BK crown.
>She asks the manager but he says they're all out.
>I start screeching REEEEEEEE but Mommy says there's nothing she can do as there's no other Burger King's open at this hour.
>She drives me home. I sulk and watch Kung Fu Panda.
>I get an idea. I hide behind the couch and call Mommy into the room.
> When she arrives I kung fu chop her in the belly
>She rolls around on the ground, crying that she thinks I've hurt the baby.
>I pour my piss jug on her head and demand she apologises for not making me the Burger King and tells me I'm the best at Kung Fu.
>She keeps sobbing so I lock her in the cupboard until she learns her lesson.
>Fucking normies.
This is why nobody goes to /r9k/.
>be me
>29 years old
>literal manchild
>3 am
>lying in bed, have to take a shit
>don't want to get up, so shit in my bed
>its getting too sticky & stinky for my liking
>get out of bed and start stomping on the ground as hard as i can while shouting: MOMMY!!! POOPOO!!! POOPOO!!! at the top of my lungs
>stop when i hear my mom walking up the stairs
>She comes in my room and sees my shit covered bed
>sighs deeply and cleans up my mess
>ask her if she can take me to Mcdonalds
>''anon, its 3 in the morning and i have to get up early''
>throw a tantrum, take off my pants and start shitting and pissing on the floor
>''ok ok anon, p-please just stop''
>she cleans up and off we go
>make her buy me 3 happy meals
>want a balloon
>they tell my mom they're all out of balloons
>start screaming and nagging until she gets me a balloon
>BALLOON, I WANT MY BALLOOOON!!!!!
>only thing open this late is the gas station store by the highway, 30 minutes away
>we get home
>my mom looks exhausted
>go to my room to play with my happymeal toys and balloon
>hear my mom crying downstairs
>i wake up for another sing-songy sunshiney sunday funday
>i stretch and yawn as I rip my daily wakey gas, the feeling of liquid splattering against my Magic School Bus undies makes me proud
>i haul myself out of bed, kissing my Rei Ayanami body pillow good morning, but my legs buckle out from under my generous frame
>oh well! I guess I'll have to be a Roly Poly from now on
>i roll over to my GBP chart and check it
>I've saved up a whole 5 GBP! That's a new record I'm SURE mummy will be proud of!
>i roll down the stairs to see what mumsy is up to this wonderful morning
>i slip and crack my nose against the stairpost
>mumma gets up shocked, "Anon are you okay?!"
>i'm bleeding from my nose and it has a weird shape, but I don't care, "mummy mummy, where's the yummy chickie tendies for my tummy?"
>"what?"
>i lift my shirt and begin slapping my tummy like a bongo "your precious little angel has saved five GBP, make some chickie tendies, and make them all for me!"
>"Anon, you know the price for a tendie meal is 20 Good Boy Points. And after the Legoland incident you should be grateful that you still have 5 left."
>i freeze. This BITCH, has the fucking GALL, to deprive me of my well deserved poultry cutlets.
>i sit up and begin slamming my feet on the floor angrily and punching my head
>"YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE BOY HAS BEEN GOOD FOR FAR TOO LONG, TENDIES NOW YOU BITCH OR I SHALL DO YOU WRONG"
>she closes her eyes, "Anon, please calm down..."
>i begin screaming and simultaneously poopooing and peepeeing my pants, but my engine has been burned out and I curl up in my own waste, peacefully sleeping
>i wake up clean and tethered to my bed, a plate of yummy tendies on my tummy with a note from mama jama saying she's sorry for being so harsh and that she's proud of me for being such a good boy
Being a bad boy has its perks, but nothing beats the satisfaction of being mummy's good little boy!
>>692076332
>turbo autist turning his sibling into a retard
>not realizing this would give actual competition for tendies
Actually, that makes sense
>Recoding a let's play of me building a 200x200 pikachu in minecraft complete with genetalia
>Realize I'm starving. Literally starving.
>MOM
>No answer.
>Yell MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM for what feels like fucking hours.
>Sick of this shit, I call her phone over and over again.
>She finally answers, it sounds like the bitch was half asleep.
>Already annoyed, I snap "Mom I'm hungy."
>"Isn't there anything in your minifridge, honey? I have to leave for work in two hours."
>After a moment of tense silence, she realizes her mistake.
>"I'm sorry sweetie pie I'll bring you something."
>"Finally. Jesus Christ," I say, my rage staring to subside.
>Go back to minecraft. I'm starting work on the detailed penis. I'm using wool blocks to make the cum. :3
>After like two fucking hours my mom FINALLY comes in and sets a tray down in front of me, apologizing for not hearing me earlier.
>And what is on the tray, you might ask? A pizza and a glass of water. A fucking frozen pizza. And not one of the good ones, but the fucking six inch HEALTHY piece of shit.
>I glare at her and start slowly pushing it onto the floor.
>"Please don't, baby. We don't have anymore tendies. I'm sorry. Please," she begs, tearing up.
>Tray falls on floor, water falls on my dehumidifier and shorts it out.
>thiswasthefinalstraw.png
>I start screaming at her and flailing my arms and kicking my legs, knocking over my open piss jug.
>She starts crying and hugs me.
>I scratch and bite her as she silently sobs, holding me down.
>"I'll go get you your tendies, sweetie! I'm so sorry, I should have picked up more yesterday!"
>I calm down and go back to crafting my pikachu penis.
>Hear her sobbing as the front door close.
Bitch was lucky walmart is open at 4AM.
>cover acne spot with makeup
>go to club
>walk over to group of girls
>"is he wearing make up?"
>girls start laughing at me
>start crying
>shit and piss myself
>forget I don't have diaper on
>whole club laughing at me
>run for door crying with shit&piss dripping down leg
>come home and ask mommy for tendies
>tells me I can't because I haven't been a good boy and found a gf
>go into autistic rage and storm off to room to jack off
>cry self to sleep in a puddle of cum, piss, and tears
> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "PISS OFF SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric wheelchair
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.
The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
Aster reading these stories, I even started to feel better about myself
>>692081301
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
I agree with this. All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags. We wouldn't have pity with them normally. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more
No.
I don't want to feel
>be 32 year old beautiful, happy bouncy baby boy with a bright future ahead of me
>6pm, just woke up, getting my morning ceweals
>enter mommy, she sits down in front of me as i happily pick apart the marshmellows in the cereal and eat them with a spoon full of milkies
>"honey, your dad and i have been talking, and we think its finally time for you to get a job..."
>i stop her immediately after that
>"mommy, what are you...?"
>an incomprehensible rage takes over me, i quickly lash out at mommy
>rip off my poopy diaper that she hasnt fucking changed since last night
>throw it right at her face, makes a big splat sound and she falls back from the force and velocity of the poopy diaper smacking her
>as she is stunned and wiping the poopies off, i stand over her with my fists clutched, she is cowering with her hands over her face, stupid fucking bitch
>i remind her that baby doesnt like it when his diaper changing bonding with mommy time is forgotten
>start peeing all over her, she probably wants to be washed off by now
>punch her in the stomach and make sure she doesnt tell anyone what happened
>later that night, she comes in with a plate full of fresh KFC tendies and a new diaper, kisses my forehead and tells me to have a good night at 10 am
Its funny because you know someone out there has done all of these things.
Stop plz
The feels are calling
>>692083533
>Its funny because you know someone out there has done all of these things.
Actually that's what makes it terribly UNfunny and just plain depressing.
>4 am
>happy tummy full of tendies
>be right in the middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddy left (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown tendy-log in my XXL diapey - i'm mummys big baby boy, she always says that :)
>i plop down in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of fresh tendy-log and 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
>mummy grabs orange bottle from nightstand and rewards herself extra-helping of sleep candies, teehee she deserves it!
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many GBP await me for not waking her up!!
Why do the mothers never just leave anons to die in there homes?
I feel very good about my life now. I know longer feel disappointed in myself, but I feel quite disgusted at a few of the people that actually live like that.
These are actually really depressing
>be me
>wake up from ten hour nap, starving
>craving tendies
>saved up some extra gbp by helping mommy bring in groceries
>only problem is mommy's boyfriend chad is with her in their room making snugglies
>fucking hate that bitch i want tendies now
>yell at mommy through closed door
>"MOMMY! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES! WENDY'S TENDIES!"
>"not now anon ill get you some later"
>fucking bitch ill show her
>get my pissjugs from under my bed, along with my cum blanket, pretty much completely crusty at this point
>barge into mommy's room
>chad is on top of mommy
>take one of my pissjugs and pour contents onto them
>"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" chad screams
>mommy is sobbing
>"WENDY'S TENDIES ARE SO SPLENDID! NONE FOR YOU AND ALL FOR ME. IF YOU WANT SOME TASTY TENDIES, GBP WILL BE THE FEE."
>chad punches me, fall over, breaking pissjugs on floor
>piss is everywhere
>pee is a fetish of mine, get really horny
>take out my iphone 6s and type in my favorite hentai
>start using my cum blanket to jerk off my dick
>chad and mommy are staring in shock
>chad gets up and leaves, mommy chasing after him
>"CHAD, WAIT!" mommy is crying
>"I can't handle this anymore Stacy, you're son is a fucking freak."
>chad slams door and drives away
>finish fapping, cum buckets into my cum blanket
>"ill go get your tendies now anon" she says, sadly
>mommy comes home with tendies
>gobble them up while watching The Littlest Pet Shop and fapping.
>and i still have 50 gbp left.
>Mummy walks in the door holding bags of groceries
>"Looks like mummy got some groceries, and she looks friendly. I wonder perhaps, did she pick up my tendies?"
>Yes, anon, I got you your tendies. They'll be ready in time for dinner.
>"Methinks, perhaps, they'd best be made now; Lest ye become burdened by poo poo somehow..."
>Anon, I don't have time. I need to go pick up your sister from school.
>"Sissy can wait, but poo poo cannot. The tendies will be here and they will be hot."
>Please don't do this again, anon. We can't afford to keep buying you new diapers.
>"You've forsaken me whim, let the poo poo commence. The contents within will be quite immense"
>What are you... OH MY GOD, ANON. THAT SMELLS TERRIBLE
>"I warned you, dear mummy, most surely I did. This is what you get for neglecting your kid!"
Then I played CS: Go for 26 minutes and went to take a nap. Upon my awakening, a warm plate of tendies. Life is comfy.
>lay in bed all day playing X-box
>tummy starts to grumble
>realize I haven't eaten in two hours
>too fat and lazy to get out of bed
>raise my 150 lbs grease coated arm as a half devoured tendie escapes the endless rolls of flesh on my side
>bang on wall 3 times to summon mommy
>mommy walks in, looking annoyed and tired
>"its 11pm anon what do you want?"
>open mouth to let out all of the revolting gases that have amassed in my guts after months of digesting tendies.
>mommy turns away from me and holds her mouth, vomiting in her hand.
>MAKE ME TENDIES NOW REEEEEEEEEE!
>mommy bursts into tears and runs downstairs, remembering what I did to her the last time she didn't make tendies for her good boy
>a few minutes later mommy comes upstairs with a fresh batch of tendies
>feels good man
>mom slowly approached the bed and apprehensively reaches out plate
>"h-here are y-your tendies anon, y-youre a good boy"
>swipe the plate away from her
>open mouth again to reveal all my yellow, decaying teeth, harboring all forms of bacteria and fungi.
>mommy vomits all over me!
>vomit is absorbed by the tides of fat that seem to endlessly fold all over my sickening excuse of a body
>causes a displacement of matter inside the rolls, making age-old tendies float to the top of the vomit-sea inside each roll of fat
>wipe off mold that has grown on the old tendies and throw them on the plate
>mfw I have more tendies
>mfw mommy called me a good boy
Feels
Fucking
Good
Man
>Mommy gives me $20 and tells me to go walk to the movies so she and New New Daddy can have some alone time
>"For tickets alone, this sum shall suffice. But I must eat too, and that begs a higher price!"
>Jesus Anon, when are you going to stop talking like that? It's really getting on my nerves
>bitch still gives me another $20
>"Mummy, upon leaving the theatre, the hour will be late. A ride I demand, and I don't like to wait!"
>Anon, the theater is a 5 minute walk away. Get home yourself
>"Neglect of your child is the worst of my triggers. Do you wish to see me set upon by unruly niggers?"
>Anon, don't use that language! We live in a safe neighborhood, now go
>"The march to the theatre looms long and unfriendly. To maintain my stamina, I require Tendies!"
>mummy is visibly mad at this point
>Anon, I'm not making you more tendies, you had two cases earlier. Your body doesn't need any more!
>"Ah, i see it's a matter of my digestive capacity. The solution, I assure you, is not beyond my sagacity!"
>stick thumb down throat
>puke all over mummy's special Just For Daddy dress
>"My stomach is emptied, it demands to be refilled! Now cook up more tendies, the only task in which you're skilled!"
>mummy starts crying
>walks toward bathroom
>I pull her back into the kitchen
>she makes tendies while crying silently
>>692069880
Yep
>be my birthday
>ride my bike to the store (got a DUI)
>mommy didnt gave me birthday money
>take a box of beers and try to leave
>"sir did you paid for that?" "no"
>explain that its my birthday today
>he tries to take my box and i struggle
>spit spit spit in his face three times
>he let go and i run to my bike
>police comes when i'm riding home
>angry explain that HE attack me
>they want to arrest me on my birthday
>take me to jail and call mommy
>she comes and pays the man for me
>sad becose now she cant go on her cruise
>should have jus gave me the money
theres no WAY im NOT drinking dizzy potions
on MY birth day!
>>692063939
Decent, nut needed more umph
>playing some call of dooties tree
>my belly starts to rumble
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"Anon, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME BAKED CHICKEN
>clench fists hulk-style and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"ANON SMASH!"
>just like my hero, saitama, knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on the 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello anon how were your dinn-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"ANON NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"ANON ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her pull a handful of what i think are tic-tacs from an orange bottle and put them into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor!
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CS:GO
>>692064025
Haha, getting good. Still need a little more detail around the poo.
>>692061291
Oh, he got some sauce alright
>>692077401
These stories physically hurt to read, just like /r9k/
>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, get hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>peak around kitchen corner
>new daddy is lying in a pile of spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his abdomen
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police
this is going to cost some hefty GBP
>wake up at 5pm, earlier than usual
>reach for a wee wee jug and start beating it against the floor rhythmically
>"TENDIES TENDIES FOR MY TUMMY, PUT SOME IN THE OVEN MUMMY"
>hear a wail from downstairs
>she always cries since new daddy left
>notice the wee wee jug split and is leaking
>oh well, throw it at the wall for mummy to clean up later
>flip on my surround-sound system bought with a year's worth of GBP
>one and only song on repeat
>"NA NA, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA KATAMARI DAMACY"
>hear an even louder wail from downstairs
>silly normies not appreciating music
>figure my tendies are about due
>grab another jug, pound it on the floor
>"TENDIES TENDIES GOLDEN BROWN, MUMMY COOKS THEM BEST IN TOWN"
>mummy gets very upset
>"I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE ANON, I'M SORRY"
>hear something smash and the door slams
>wait for her to bring me my tendies
>wait half a fucking hour for that lazy bitch
>have to drag MYSELF out of my sports car bed and down the stairs into the kitchen
>no mummy
>broken plate on the floor, tendies still in the oven, nicely done but cold
>ah well, some honey mustard will make things all better
>look in the cupboard
>NO FUCKING HONEY MUSTARD
now I know why she said she couldn't do it any more
>be me
>just finished mowing the lawn
>mowing the lawn is worth 50GBP, which brings my balance to about 350
>I now have enough to get a ten piece tendie dinner
>run inside
>"Mummy I would like to purchase a tendy dinner with my GBP!"
>"Anon, we're out of chicken tenders, didn't I tell you?"
>I smile
>I walk into my room
>pull out a shit jar that's been under my bed for a year
>remnants of moldy, tendy filled shit are pressed against the glass
>"We still have some"
>mother gags and runs to the sink
>she unleashes a torrent of vomit into the garbage disposal.
>"cook them for me mummy, after all, I've been a good boy for you. It's the least you could do."
>"Anon, I can't even look at that thing, let alone cook it!"
>I charge the bitch and slam the jar into her face, knocking her out cold
>swing the jar over my head and onto the counter, bursting it and splattering moldy, chunky shit all over the kitchen
>piss all over mummy
>leave a note that says "You should treat your good boy better and not go back on your word :). Next time I won't be so nice. Love, your best boy"
>go back to playing Overwatch on my PC
This needs to be a recurring post. Fuck those facebook fap faggots.
>wake up at noon
>tum tum wants num num
>top off piss jug and stumble outside my room
>hsss the sun is too bright
>close door and begin punching my wall
>MOMMMY TUM TUM WANTS NUM NUM
>MOM MOM MOM MOM
>she yells and tells me to calm down
>hiss at her through wall
>TENDIES MOMMY, GIVE ME SWEET CRUNCHY TENDIES
>tell me to do it myself
>get mad and fling my door open
>wildly flailing arms and screaming
>NO MOMMY, I NEED TENDIES NOW
>mommy walks away and tells me she's calling daddy to deal with me
>UH OH daddy is gonna hurt me
>rush to room and open the floor board and hide in the crawl space
>daddy comes home and starts yelling at me
>HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS TENDIES, MOMMY WONT MAKE THEM
>tries to get down but he has bad knee
>ANON GET THE FUCK OUT
>HISSSSSS TENDIES
>dad walks away
>i stay down in the filthy dirty covered crawl space for three hours
>mommy eventually brings me a plate of warm crunchy tendies with my favorite dipping sauce
>tfw this is the bullshit i have to put up with
> Be healthy 300 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out to GameStop with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "Anon! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "ANON! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my soiled diaper, the stench immediately causes the two other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies, mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> Decisive victory
>wake up in my crib
>stretch out, my legs can barely fit between the bars
>as I move, I feel my poopoo sloshing around my diapers
>hmm, mommy seems to have forgotten to change me today
>my tummy rumbles
>look at clock besides GBP chart, 4:54 PM, almost time for my brekky
>I stand up in the crib and yell "RUMBLY-RUMBLY IN MY TUMMY, GIMME CHICKIE TENDIES MUMMY"
>no response
>mommy doesn't even care that her precious boy is hungies
>contemplate breaking my crib again, but I'm in a good mood since she since she gave me extra chickies yesterday at no GBP cost
>yell again, still no response
>keep yelling for about an hour until my throat starts to hurt
>struggle to move my portly frame out of the crib
>waddle downstairs, chanting "CRISPY OUTSIDE, SOFT INSIDE, MOMMY MOMMY WHERE'D YOU HIDE" with each step
>I can see mommy's shadow, she's in front of the telly sleeping
>sit on her lap, my poo poo leaks on her under my weight
>STILL no response
>this has gone too far
>start shaking her
>"TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, CHICKIE-CHICKIE TEEEN-DIIIEEEES"
>amazing, she still hasn't woken up, the absolute NERVE of her
>notice she's holding a yellow tube, grab it
>it has small pieces of candy in it, but it's half empty
>selfish cunt doesn't even care that I'm a growing boy and need my sugar
>"be forewarned, mummy... this may suffice for now, but I expect tendies for din-din"
>lift tube and swallow all the remaining candy
>fall fast asleeps just like mummy
>be me
>be in mummy wummy's attic
>hear mummy and new daddy making the Forrest Gump sounds
>decide it's time to cash in GBP cache
>503 GBP
>this means soooooo many tendies
>Swing open mummy's door and see new daddy pumping cucumber in mummy
>"mummy i need tendie-wendies!"
>"fuk off m8" screechies new daddy as he spews mayonaise
>begin to cry
>run to attic
>spirit broken
>get on tumblr and read about self harm
>time to show mummy how much i love the tendies
>take katana and begin James Franco-ing my limbs ie 127 hrs
>ketchup & bbq all over
>bread myself in pee pee jars and baby powder
>roll to mummy's door
>mfw she's at the door crying
>mfw im human tendie
>finally give in to mummy's demands and take a trip to the store
>in Walmart, browsing tendies
>comparing two brands while singing the tendies song under my breath
>"tendies tendies ten-dies, 'til the hunger end-ies"
>start tapping my foot
>"ten-dies ten-dies ten-dies, don't share them with your friend-ies"
>start dancing in the aisle
>sing at the top of my voice
>"OH TENDIES TENDIES TEN-DIES, GOTTA LOVE THEM TEN-DIES"
>security approaches me and asks me to leave because I'm scaring people
>I keep singing and dancing, pretending they're not there
>rip open a bag of tendies and start scattering them in the air like confetti as I bop down the aisle
>one hits a small child in the eye, it starts mewling
>the mother comes over and starts yelling at me
>can't hear you, bitch
>and then she fucking slaps me
>she SLAPS. ME.
>YOU DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ANON GOODBOY UNLESS YOU ARE FEEDING HIM, CHANGING HIM OR TUCKING HIM IN
>give her a hard shove
>she falls on her bum
>grab a handful of frozen tendies and force feed them to her while singing at the top of my voice
>security guard tries to tase me
>the prongs bounce off my armoured trenchcoat
>slowly turn to face him with what I think is a triumphant grin
>he's holding a little canister
>starts spraying it in my face
>hah, good luck getting that pepper spray past these shades fucko
>start laughing and breathe some of it in accidentally
>OH FUCK THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE THE SPICIEST MEMES
>lash out, hit him in the head and he falls over
>scratching at my throat, can barely breathe
>nose is gushing snot
>swallow some and start puking
>slip on my puke and fall on the floor
>start punching myself in the head and kicking the floor while screaming
>manage to shout "FUCKING NORMIES WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME" in between bouts of retching
>police arrive and cuff me
>fall asleep in the police car and wake up chained to bed with a note reading "Anon, I'm deducting 1000 GBP for your frankly disgusting behaviour"
>mfw I still have 9863 GBP left over
>Be NEET
>Parents are wagecucks, tell them how pathetic they are at dinner every night
>One day wake up, 6:30
>Nobody woke me up for dinner at 6:00
>Run down the steps, screeching at my parents for trying to let me starve
>No answer
>Hmmm
>Go into parents room
>See them both dead, holding hands, a gun in each of their off hands and a bullet wound through both of their heads
>Note between them
>"Dear anon, we are sorry, but we cannot stand this type of existence anymore. We both love you very much, but our lives simply aren't worth living if they're going to be like this. We left you chicken tenders and bagel bites in the freezer, and instructions on how to reheat them. We're so sorry honey bunches. Please, please forgive us, and be okay. Love, mom and pop."
>mfw my parents became an hero because they couldn't stand being wagecuck's anymore
>Start to panic, know that Jewman will make me leave the house if they find out my parents are dead
>Hide their bodies under the mattress, eat the tendies that they left me (ignore shitty bagel bites)
>they left me enough power and internet to last a while, play Smite & Runescape for a few weeks
>Eventually run out of tendies
>Go to the bites
>Almost out of those when I hear a knock at the door
>It's Mr. Shekelsteens wagecuck HR Person
>Parents are both high up in their company, when they wouldn't answer their phone for such a long time, Mr. Shekelsteen sent this asshole to check on them
>Tell him they went on vacation in Wagekuktopia
>He doesn't believe me, starts to get panicked because he smells "carrion"
>Runs up to my parents bed and finds them
>I get charged for murder even though I didn't do it
>Court case lasts 17 months, spend most of my time in lock up because I can't afford bail, not after they stopped giving me my NEETbux
>I am found not guilty, but they also find that I am "Mentally unfit"
>They give me triple the NEETbux parents used to give me
>I get to keep their house and eat tendies like a king for my entire life
>mom giving me lift to college
>my birthday is on saturday which sucks because it means I wont get a day off studying for mommy's special little guys attention day
>start screaming that it's my birthday TODAY
>mom doesn't even try, simply does a u-turn and drives towards home
>pissed off she even woke me up for this, on my birthday of all things
>piss my pants and wet the seat screaming for my birthday cake
>mom starts crying
>it's a sign she'll give in
>"ANON YOU'RE 24 FUCKING YEARS OLD YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT UNTIL SATURDAY IT'S TIME YOU FU-"
>baby doesn't like being yelled at
>and baby needs burping
>"burp me or I'll fucking vomit"
>"NO THIS HAS GONE TOO F-"
>stick my fingers down my throat and vomit all over the steering wheel, her hands and her lap
>"baby is all empty and ready for his cake mommy", I said through a smug little shit-eating grin
>mom gives up and drives to the cake store
>I scream "DONATELLO LEONARDO RAPH-
>she cuts me off and tells me to shutup and wait in the fucking car while she gets me my special ninja turtle cake
>well mom, baby doesn't like being told off, so baby is gonna shit his fucking pants
>She came back to the car, saw the mess baby had done all over the seats and broke down crying
>I politely asked for my birthday cake, and started shoving and stuffing my fat faggot face with it
>"Oh by the way mom, this doesn't mean you're off the hook. I still expect a real birthday cake on Saturday."
>I finished about half the cake, most of it just smeared around my mouth and face, huge chunks melting and crumbing all over my lap
>just to teach that bitch a lesson I smeared the rest all over the inside of the windscreen. that will teach her not to fuck with me
>she wiped away just a little hole to see through and cried all the way home
>"it's baby's birthday, and baby doesn't want to walk"
>and baby needs changing
>go to shitty arcade with family
>see some shooting game where you sit in a booth
>sister and I get in the booth
>she sits on my lap
>i'm intrigued
>she starts grinding on my dick
>OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>she's wearing yoga pants
>i can feel it all
>take my dick out
>she grabs it hard and I splooge everywhere
>tells me she wants to fuck me
>get home, about to fuck my little sister
>get into my bed, nice and cozy
>wait a bit, no sister, just a familiar smell
>smells like home
>realize i've fallen asleep
>wake up
>i panic but i realize i'm safe and secure
>my shitjugs surround me, like guards watching a beautiful prince sleep
>my fedora waits for me, like my crown, waiting to sit a top my greasing locks
>my gaming chair is still stained with my cum, ready for me to sit my un-wiped ass on it
>there's that smell again, so cozy, so familiar, what is it?
>the smell is shit leaking out of my diapee
>no one to change it
>mummy is with new daddy
>FURIOUS
>WAKE UP TO NO FUCKING TENDIES
>NORMIE MUM SPENDING TIME WITH NEW CHADDY!
>LAST FUCKING TIME I GO WITHOUT SLEEP UNTIL I GET MY FUCKING TENDIES AND GBP!
>GO UPSTAIRS, KILL NEW DADDY, MAKE MUMMY MAKE MY FUCKING TENDIES
>SAVAGELY RAPE HER WHILE SHE FEEDS THEM TO ME!
>"NO ANON, NO MORE!"
>"TELL ME MY DICK IS BIG MUMMY. TELL ME! I WILL GO BATTY!"
>SHE DOESN'T RESPOND! UNACCEPTABLE!
>I FUCKING THROW HER IN THE OVEN!
>MAKE HER INTO A CHICKEN TENDIEE
>"NO MORE GBP! NO MORE GBP!"
>I SLOWLY RAPE AND EAT MUMMY'S CORPSE!
>wake up, realize it's just a dream
>open the fridge to eat some leftover tendiess
>find leftover mummy
>delicious
>rape her dead mouth
>feel tired and sickly after a whole week of no GBP
>i've made a mistake
>i crawl back into the warm, disemboweled corpse of New Daddy
>fall asleep
>never wake up
I'm not sure why OP is this bored or how long he's been collecting these but I am perversely thankful
>mummy planning special tender dinner date with new daddies family
>mummy promises me 15 GBP if I wear my grown up boy clothes and don't ask any questions to new daddy's family
>arrive at restaurant but getting hungy hungy, mummy tells me to wait
>start playing my 3DS XL on full volume because restaurant is noisy but getting bored
>can see new daddies family are getting hungry too so decide to go on a quest to bring us tendies
>go to the front counter but get given a big green bottle instead
>start drinking it, tastes like the old mountain dews I found in my closet
>makes me feel kinda good, start chugging it down
>mummy tells me to stop and food will be here soon, bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>food finally arrives
>green mush and bread, smells like day old poo poos
>feel my neck heating up, hands begin to tremble
>bitch lied to me, realize I'm not getting my tendies
>flick the plate at the wall in protest just like my old new daddy taught me to with a frisbee before he left
>start feeling dizzy, seeing two of everything
>good boy clothes aren't as comfortable as red onesie with my poo poo flap
>start pulling shirt off but slip and fall onto the table
>knock big, hot soup off the table onto new daddy's family, new daddy's family begin to shriek and scream
>normies begin to crowd around our table, mummy tries to push them away from me frantically but its too late
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>throw up all over table and new family
>get escorted out of the restaurant by the mountain dew man
>mummy cries all the way home
>can't hear my fucking 3DS game properly and didn't get GBP
shitty shitty day and I woke up with a bad headache
>Be in my basement watching Yuru Yuri for the 3rd or 4th time (can't remember)
>Sad because I'm not 2D
>Walk upstairs and tell mommy about how I want to be 2D
>"Mommy already told you what you need to do"
>Bitch has been trying to trick me into killing myself ever since my 27th birthday 5 years ago because I lied and got her sent to jail
>Demand she give me a 2D headset so I can be with my waifu
>"When I told you I'd do whatever it takes for you to find a nice girl to take care of you, that's not what I meant. Plus they're not even out yet"
>I know she's bluffing because my runescape friend razordeath438 has one.
>Lying AND going back on her word? Unacceptable.
>Go to the fridge and take out mommy's special medicine
>"Anon, I need that to sleep"
>Waddle back down to my basement with her medicine
>Drink it all, I was really nasty but maybe the worthless bitch will die without it. Or maybe get really sick. If she can't help me get to my waifu she's dead to me.
>Start to feels dizzy and good, I need to tell mommy I need that medicine too. Maybe she'll let me buy some with GBP.
>Get back upstairs and tell her I drank all her medicine.
>"What the fuck anon! That was an entire fifth of... uhh.... medicine"
>Get the tummy trembles and throw it back up in her bitch face
>HERE'S YOUR MEDICINE MOMMY, YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!!!
>Start crying, still dizzy from the medicine
>Fall on the floor and grab her leg, can't stop making throw up.
>IF I'M DYING I'M TAKING MOMMY WITH ME
>"Mommy's going to get some more medicine from the store. You can have as much as you need to feel better."
>Wake up the next evening in my bed, tucked in. I feel really sick and icky.
At least mommy left a lot of bottles of medicine for me and a bunch of snacks. She locked the basement door but it's okay, it looks like I'm set for the next week.
>mummy says she can't afford to look after me and pay for all my tendies and my WoW subscription
>tells me I should apply for that part time job at Lickin' Chicken to help with the bills
>start hyperventilating, going extremely red like a tomato (YUCK!)
>who does that bitch think she is
>hit her in her stupid old face with my fists and scream at her until she stops talking and leaves
>flash forward several weeks
>mummy hasn't talked about me getting a job since then
>she gets dressed up in fishnet stockings and very red lipstick and goes out all night, every night now, leaving chicken tendies in the microwave that I have to go all the way downstairs to heat up myself
>mfw
>later I find out mummy sent in an application to Lickin' Chicken for me and I got an interview
>I'm sitting in my swimming shorts on my big meowth cushion (MEE-OWTH THAT'S RIGHT!) trying to play WarioWare Touched on my Nintendo when she tells me about it
>MUMMY SHUT UP. SHUT UP MUMMY I'M TRYING TO BEAT ASHLEY
>fucking cunt hole tries to reason with me so I tell her
>WHO'S THE GIRL NEXT DOOR LIVING IN A HAUNTED MANSION YOU BETTER LEARN MY NAME CAUSE I'M ASHLEY
>jump up and down stomping my feet
>at the interview mum tries to stop me playing my DS
>I keep headbutting her until she lets me carry on
>the stupid man interviewing me asks me what I could bring to Lickin' Chicken
>keeping my eyes glued to the screen, I stand up and start a one-man conga around the small office singing I LIKE CHICKEN TENDIES. THE FLAVOUR NEVER ENDIES.
>stupid man asks me and mum to leave
>I didn't get the job, whatever, fucking normies said I would only earn 200 a week, I can make that just by staying in my bed all night and not getting into mummy's bed. Ka-ching!
>be me
>38 years old, still unemployed
>4am
>horny after watching 10 episodes of Pokemon: Johto Journey
>clomp my way across the landing to mummy's room
>clamber onto her bed
>MUMMY WUMMY ITS TIME FOR MY TUMMY TO GIVE YOU THE TENDIES THAT COME FROM MY ENDIES
>she wakes groggy and confused
>"Oh no, no Anon, please. We said-"
>she bursts into tears
>"We said I would only do it once. You got your 100,000 GBP to promise to never do it again."
>stupid bitch is crying hysterically now
>"I need to get up for work in an hour. Burger King told me if I'm late again I'll be f-f-fired."
>grab her hair and yank her head up
>NO MUMMY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO RECYCLE THE CHICKEN TENDIES BECAUSE TENDIES FROM MY ENDIES ARE YUMMY FOR MUMMYS TUMMY
>tries to wriggle away, gasping hysterically, but I grab her slender wrists with my Charizard strength
>MUMMY YOU ARE SO PRETTY I tell her as the tears stream down her red, puffy face
>MUMMYEEEEEEEERRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO EAT THE SECOND HAND TENDIES
>she nods slowly, lower lip quivering
>squat myself over mummy's accepting face and pull down my black shorts with the flames up the sides
>mummy opens her mouth, trembling with horror and racked with sobs as she tries to keep still, I can feel her hot breath on my hairy, shit-encrusted anus
>(tendies tendies from my endies, from my tummy into mummy) I whisper into the night air
>within seconds I feel something
>a gushing of release and relief from my guts expels explosive and gaseous from my itchy bumhole, spraying and splopping chunks and jets and gooey ropes of every colour all over mummy's face and into her pink, waiting mouth
>hear her gagging and crying even harder underneath me
>relief is so intense I fall face-first onto her bed, booty naked in the air
>EAT MY TENDIES MUMMY, THEYRE SO GOOD AND YUMMY I say into the bedding, muffled
>hear her trying to swallow
>just keeps gagging and crying
>I fall asleep there and when I wake up at 3pm she's gone
fucking normie bitch
>ever since the GBP inflation I've been a little short on cashies
>need more and I need it fast!
>suddenly I get a brainwave
>i slam my body against my mummy's bedroom door, it flies open and I do a gangsta walk in but I'm quickly winded, my cleanest cargo shorts pulled to my knees, my Hannah Montana night shirt tucked into my undies, and my best fedora worn backwards and tilted on my head (something I kissed it for beforehand as a preemptive apology)
>"ay baby wassup, it's yo boy Tendie Fresh in da houuuuse"
>ever since that jungle noise they call (c)rap music has become popular again after years of being rightfully hated by any civilized member of society, I decided to join the fad and become a rapper too
>she sighs "anon please go back to sleep. It's 3 AM and I have to get ready for work in a few hours"
>"ay ay ay hoe, don't diss me, I'm here to give yo ass a concert," I feel like I'm doing very well at emulating a black person despite not having any experience being around one, "I call dis single 'Poopoo in da streetz,' I wrote it while I was in a very dark place"
>she massages her temples and sighs again
>i give her the best performance ever, it's a masterpiece of dancing, lyrics, and vocal music. I feel like it's worth a hefty reward of GBP
>I'm breathing heavily but I'm asking for the reward anyway
>she laughs, "you don't just walk in here, scream about hating the Jews between loud 'dun duns' that you make with your mouth and ask for points reserved for when you do something good."
>that whorebag is sitting there mocking me! Me! Her special little angel!
>i almost want to run back to my room crying and poopooing my pants out of embarrassment, but I decide to do what all black people do when their mummy's disrespect them
>i slapped her hard and she collapsed against the bed
>I take her hand and I write a 50,000 GBP coupon in her name with it
>I quickly waddle back to my room with it, farting frantically
>mfw I get more tendies and I'm super hip
>dearest tendies, dearest tendies
>be you crispy or from Wendy's
>from my cribby I shall rise
>with you dancing in my eyes
>from the stairs I tumble down
>blood on my lips just like a clown
>i don't care, I just ignore
>to partake in the tendies that are in store!
>into my big boy seat I climb
>and to my mummy I shall whine
>"I'm hungy mummy, I want some nummies,
>give me tendies for my tummy"
>and she cries her tears of joy
>and gives a plate too her little boy
>and I prepare to dig into a nice, heaping, succulent plate of...
>veggies.
>VEGGIES.
>VEGGIES!?
>WHAT THE HECK DID YOU JUST HECKIN GIVE TO ME YOU POOPOO FACE. I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE 4CHAN BANEPOSTERS AND I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN NUMEROUS SECRET RAIDS ON BLACKWING LAIR, AND I HAVE OVER 300,000 CONFIRMED TENDIES EATEN. I AM TRAINED IN MEME WARFARE AND I AM THE TOP TENDIE EATER IN ALL OF MY HOUSE. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME BUT JUST ANOTHER TENDIE WENCH. I WILL REEE ON YOU WITH DECIBELS THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN HEARD BEFORE ON THIS EARTH, MARK MY HECKIN WORDS. YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH GIVING THIS POOPOO TO ME OVER MY BOOSTER SEAT? THINK AGAIN POOPOO FACE. AS WE SPEAK I AM ACCUSING YOU OF BEING THE REASON DADDY LEFT YOU, SO YOU'D BETTER PREPARE FOR THE STORM TENDIE WENCH. THE STORM THAT WIPES OUT THE PERFECT LITTLE THING YOU CALL YOUR LITTLE BOY. YOU'RE HECKIN HORRIBLE MUMMY. I CAN SOIL MYSELF ANYWHERE AT ANYTIME AND I CAN DO IT IN OVER 700 WAYS, AND THAT'S JUST WITH MY PANTS ON. NOT ONLY HAVE I EXTENSIVELY TRAINED MYSELF IN SOILING MYSELF IN PANTS, BUT I HAVE EXTENSIVE ACCESS TO THE ENTIRE DRUG CABINET AND I WILL THREATEN TO KILL MYSELF. YOU AWFUL WOMAN. IF ONLY YOU KNEW WHAT UNHOLY TUMMY RETRIBUTION YOUR CLEVER LITTLE "DISH" WAS ABOUT TO BRING DOWN UPON YOU, YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME MY TENDIES. BUT YOU COULDN'T, YOU DIDN'T, AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO PAY THE PRICE. I WILL POOPOO PEEPEE ON YOU AND YOU WILL DROWN IN IT. YOU'RE HECKIN HORRIBLE WOMAN.
>>692064520
10/10
awsome annon just awsome
All I want are chicken tenders
Fresh from the hands of the tendie vendors
Chunks of chicken I will toss
Into spicy mustard sauce
Mommy, I am hungry - famished
Those nuggies on my plate have vanished
I suggest you get me more
Now, not later, fucking whore!
I scream and shout and wet my diapies
My bum needs soothing wipey wipeys.
Do you want me to get a rash?
Only you would be so brash
This is why my daddy's gone
I'm ashamed to call you mom.
Mommy cries, and fills my plate
Tries to douse my flaming hate
Tendies are the only thing
That seem to ease the gripping pain
The pain within my hungry tummy
Feed your baby, feed me mummy!
Those sweet tendies in my tum
Mask my stinging rashy bum
Mommy sits and has a drink
The only time that she can think
Is when her baby has his treat
Of chocolate milk and chicken meat
Mommy knows what she must do
While her baby has no clue
From her purse, she grabs a gun
Takes a breath, this won't be fun
Pulls the trigger, flash of light
Now it's over, all is right
Silence graces mommy's ears
Smiles through the streaming tears
No more tendies, poop or pee
The pain is over, mommy's free
OPs mom is a fucking newfag normie
>reee.
>Wake up this morning to see GBP board taken down from wall
>Mummy, where are my GBP?
>You're too old for that anon, you'll be 30 next month
>Mummy, I said where are my GBP?
>*sigh* Anon, I know that you can under-
>goo goo ga ga mummy
>Anon, I'm leaving if you do this
>make poo poo in my undies
>Clean me mummy
>There are some chicken tenders in the freezer for you and some Mountain Dew and Doritos in the cabinet, the bills are payed until the end of next month
>Mummy, change my poo poo pants
>Goodbye Anon
>watch mummy walk out to the car as I stand there with poo poo running down my legs
>she backs out of the driveway and leaves
>probably just going to the store to get some more tendies
>take poopies off and throw them at the wall
>Sit on the couch and turn on my PS4
>I'm still waiting for mummy to get back from the store
>Bitch is taking forever, it's been like 3 days...
What is taking mummy so long? Where could she be?
>be my last birthday
>finally the big 3-0
>mummy automatically gives me 10 extra good boy points because it's my birthday
>i wake up and instantly release my bowels in my crib because it's my birthday
>mummy comes in and asks me what i've done
>"poo poo mummy, now come the pee pee"
>pull down diaper and piss all over mummy
>"Anon! What on Ear-"
>"POO PEE POO PEE MUMMY I'M 30"
>"y-yes a-anon hahaha i guess you are"
>"you look sad mummy! What's wrong!?"
>"n-nothing son"
>"mummy i want my cake! I WANT CAKE!"
>mummy brings me my tendy crisp crunch cake
>"mhh yum yum tendy cake! tendy cake!"
>after cake i want my actual tendies, i call for mummy
>"mummy deliver me the tender tendies!"
>"sorry anon, i had to use them all for the tendy cake!"
>"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>instantly force the whole undigested tendy cake out of my stomach and vomit into her face then piss myself as a defense mechanism
>"you ruin everything, whore!"
>she starts to cry
>SHE's the one crying after ruining my birthday
>8pm
>playing RuneScape online
>Antifire runs out, die
>Scream and punch my wall, putting another hole in it (they stopped getting fixed when dad left)
>Fucking normalscum mom yells up to me "Anon, please stop getting mad at your nintendo! Pause it and come down for din-dins!"
>Yell back "FUCK OFF MOM IT'S NOT A NINTENDO AND I CAN'T PAUSE IT I NEED TO GET MY ITEMS BACK BEFORE THEY DESPAWN"
>All the while I'm running back (~200k risk)
>DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER
>Start screaming, run downstairs, tripping over my pissbottles
>Mom is standing by the router, dumb bitch turned it off
>"Now, anon, I'm sorry I had to do that, but Doctor Goldberg says I need to set limits-"
>Cock my fedora back and punch that smug cunt in the neck
>She drops to the ground with a gasp and just lies there shaking
>I start screaming, stamping my feet and turtleheading
>She pushes past me on the way to her room
>Yell "OW BITCH YOU HURT ME!" and start crying
>She ignores me, locks herself in the room
>I follow her, still crying, stand outside her door and start kicking it, chanting "YOU DON'T LOVE ME MOMMY YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>She begs me to leave her alone
>I tell her I'm hungry and she's starving me and if she doesn't get me some tendies right fucking now i'll report her for child abuse
>She tells me dinner is on the table
>It's fucking broccoli and meatloaf and shit
>Start pounding on her door and demanding the tendies I am owed
>Eventually get tired, bitch isn't responding, curl up on the floor outside her door and fall asleep to the sound of her quietly sobbing on the other side
>Wake up in my own bed, tucked in, a note on my lamp:
>"Sweetie, you made yourself sick and messed yourself, so I changed you and bathed you while you were asleep, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry. I love you, you're my special little guy. Don't ever stop being my little boy, honey. I'll love you forever. Please forgive me."
>Plate of tendies on my nightstand
tfw mummy really luvs her baby boy
>enjoying my yummy tummy tendies and masturbating to super princess peach
>typical monday night
>suddenly notice its almost 2:30 am
>icarly reruns at 2:30 am
>there is an astonishing lack of icarly and or tvs in my lair
>call my poopnosed mommy
>she doesn't come in
>wait for a patient 5 seconds minimum
>call again
>no answer, the bitch is still sleeping
>she has no idea who she's dealing with
>hit my head against the wall and start screaming
>i can see her wake up from acoss the hall
>threaten to kill myself again
>finally she comes in
>it's about time
>says some shit about bothering the whole apartment complex and how she has to go to work tomorrow
>doesn't realize i don't care
>tell her to get the tv in here
>"anon, you already have 3 tvs sweetie"
>"no mommy, i want the new tv in here"
>she sighs and tells me to get up and go to the living room myself if i want to watch it
>sheathe my katana
>politely explain that i have 1 tv for each show i watch and none of the tvs are made for icarly
>stupid cunt doesn't understand that watching another show on the wrong tv completes imbalance
>whore didn't learn that that's the reason why i burnt the last house down
>"fine, but only if you clean up your poopoo jugs while im gone"
>that fucking cunt telling me what to do
>while the bitch is gone empty the shit-jugs onto her bed as punishment
>come back
>she's still struggling to get the damn thing in here
>take another poopoo on the ground to pass the time and show her who's boss
>the staggering wench comes in here
>slips on the poopoo
>tv falls on her head
>she stops moving
>blood comes from behind
>dont care, tv's in my room
>plug it in
>realize ill have to watch the tv from top-down because stupid whore is trapped underneath
>dont care, it's pretty funny
>turn on tv.
>buzz-lightyear of star command comes on
>look at the clock
>it's 2:30 pm
>PM
>Take another shit on my mom for making me fuck up again
>wake up early at 4pm after an exhausting DS III session
>hungies beyond belief
>waddle through the pee pee bottles on the floor of my room and see my GBP chart
>I earned 40 GBP last night by not pouring my pee pee bottles on new daddy so I can buy some tendies
>roll my 300 lbs body out of my room and go wake up mummy
>mummy and new daddy are wrestling on the bed
>"TUMMY WANTS TENDIES MUMMY"
>"not now anon"
>" NEW DADDIES PEEPEE CAN WAIT I NEED TENDIES NOW"
>"please, anon. I had a rough day at work"
>canyoubelievethis.tendies
>"ILL CALL THE POLICE FOR CHILD ABUSE MUMMY"
>new daddy tells me to fuck off
>decide to go to wendys to get my tendies because that stupid cunt won't feed her perfect little angel
>gather my GBP reciepts mummy gave me
>walk to wendys
>ask how many GBP each tendie costs
>cashier has no idea what im talking about
>she doesnt even know of my waifu food, call her normie scum
>get asked to leave
>extract niggermode.rar
>punch the cashier and go doo doo on the counter
>security comes in and tackles me
>a massive wave of tendies and dew fueled doody comes rushing out my ass
>run outside, take off my pants because shit covered pants = less GBP
>arrive home covered in shit with no pants or tendies
>mom takes away all my gbp and gives me 4 week timeout
>one month with no PS4, tendies or anime
>mfw
Wtf is this thread
>>692100389
It's a thread that is full of manchild/pepe-life stories. It's meant to make you laugh but also feel sad because there are actual shitheads like this
I'd beat my child even more retarded
>40 GBP
>10 more until mommy gives me a tendie feast
>need 10 more GBP, how will I do this..
>hmmmm
>I know! Maybe if I clean out my piss and shit jugs mommy will give me more GBP!!!!
>gather my festering hoard of shit and piss filled jugs.
>nowhere to put them...
>I know!
>hide them all in the oven
>show mommy my cleaned out room
>"w-what a good boy! H-here's 10 GBP f-for my good boy!" She says with tears of happiness in her eyes
>feelsfuckinggoodman
>tendie feast here we come!
>mommy preheats oven
>oh no
>piss and shit jugs explode inside the oven
>kitchen and mummy caked in piss, shit and maggots
>mummy screams and cries in horror
>"YOU'VE BEEN A BAD BOY ANON!"
>takes away all my good boy points
>makes me clean the kitchen at no additional GBP while she takes a bath
>no tendie feast and no gbp
>mfw
Shit like this is why infanticide should be legal
>>692101822
It's why we need a eugenics and euthanasia policy...
I know all these stories were real.
I'm a pathetic person myself but I feel quite normal in comparison to these texts.
>>692102138
*i wish all these stories were real.
>>692057295
AND THIS IS WHY ISLAM WILL CONQUER AMERICA
ALLAH HU ACKBARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>mom needs to bring food into my room because anxiety
>sheets often get dirty and my room smells like shit
>mom cleans my room on a weekly basis
>always accompany mom and hold onto cart when in grocery stores
>get what I want such as chocolates or tendies (literally)
>always fap in my underwear and toss used clothes to a corner in room
>mom comes in to wash them on weekly basis
>she always wishes me good night while she treats my normie sisters like shit
>literally mommy's good boy
>I am 27 years old and my sisters are in high school
>>692103238
damn what happened to you? why are you like this?
>>692103238
I still live at home and my parents buy me whatever I want. Half my room is literally beer cans and piss bottles. The whole house smells. They won't let me go ever since my 3 year old bro died.
>finally amass enough GBP for tendies
>scream at mummy GIVE ME TENDIES GIVE ME TENDIES BE THEY CRISPY AND FROM WENDYS
>mummy asks me to calm down
>slap that bitchy cunt int he face
>scream at the top of my lungs TENDIES I EARNED THEM GIVE THEM TO ME
>mummy huddled in corner crying, nods yes
>go back upstairs to play Tomodachi Life
>mummy leaves to go shopping
>mummy finally home from shopping
>feel my fedora vibrate, senses tendies
>sprint downstairs, fall on staircase and hit head on floor
>tendies too tempting, get up, bloody nose
>mom looks at me
>h-heres your tenders anon
>punch her in the stomach
>THEYRE CALLED TENDIES CUNT
>grab bag
>McDonalds
>the bitch got me mcdonalds shitnuggets and not wendy tendys
>flop on the ground and start crying
>I EARNED WENDY TENDY MOM
>mcdonalds was closer anon
>start shitting on the floor in rage and biting my moms ankles
>she finally breaks free and locks herself in the closet
>can hear her crying
i threw away the nuggets too fucking slutty cunt
>wake up early in the morning covered in piss because my bottle busted open while I was cuddling it
>pull myself over the bars of my crib as I roll towards the GBP board
>all my points are gone and my retarded brother with downs system is the only name on the board
>scream as I throw myself down the stairs screaming at mummy
>she runs over as best she could with her thin, frail legs since she thought it was an accident
>as I pop my leg back into place I start beating her yelling about my GBPs
>"a-anon you're getting too old for gbps, le-let your brother have a turn"
>just as she mentions that fat fuck he comes in from the kitchen covered in tendie crumbs
>let loose and hobble over to him screaming about my tendies
>mummy's boyfriend chad comes in and puts me in a sleeper hold as I thrash around
>wake up in the shed behind the house covered in poo poo and pee pee
>at the store
>so exited because i racked up a whopping 10 GBP for returning all my mummys panties
>mummy is texting new daddy Chad
>smiles and puts this green bottle inside the cart
>w-wait, theres less room for my tendies
>rip cart from mummy
>she sprains her ankle and hits her chin on the Kroger floor
>I sprint and slide in my red onesie (with buttflap) into the tendies isle, while shitting.
>pour bags upon bags of succulent tendies into the cart.
>mummy shows up, limping towards me, bloody face.
>scares me
>i filng open the freezer door
>probably cracks her forehead
>put some frozen tendies on it.
>because im a good boy
>too hungry so i start eating the frozen tendies
>still good
>an hour later mummy wakes up
>looks really mad
>i get scared
>try and run away
>slip in my own shit
>get a HUGE boo boo on my knee
>scream and cry until mummy carries me back to the car.
>driving home
>still bawling
>dont stop crying until she cooks me more tendies.
mfw she forgot to reset my GBP
So what do you guys ask your mummy to pair your tendies with?
I always ask for arbys curly fries.
It was my 28th birthday so i got a free bag!
>be me, 37 years old
>one night sitting in a bubblebath as my mommy has a new daddy over
>the sudden need for tendies comes into focus
>as mommy is walking past, get her attention and ask her for them
>"not right now sweetie, you can have some after your bath"
>try to protest but she walks away in a dismissive fashion
>the audacity of this whore, thinking that i've any shame after all these years
>tactically slide out of the tub like a walrus, covered in suds of soap
>stand up and shit a messy shit in my hand, this will do nicely
>go out into the hallway, find them in the dining room eating dindin
>mommy has her back to me, daddy looking down at his food
>thetimehascomeandsohavei.jpg
>lunge into the room with the force of a tank, jumping onto the wooden table and sliding with my shit hand outstretched
>mommy skillfully dodges my first assault, but her first mistake was thinking she was my target
>skid past her and slam shit hand into daddys mouth and face as he looks up and sputters out 'what the fu-'
(continued)
>>692105188
>as daddy flies backwards in his chair and slams into the floor i skillfully twirl around on my belly and lock eyes with mommy
>i mouth silently to her 'tendies'
>daddy stands up with his eyes closed, trying to wipe shit from his eyes and throwing up on the floor
>arch my legs and kick off from him towards mommy like a graceful swimmer, jetting to her with the residual shit on my hand
>daddy loses his balance and falls face first into his pile of vomit, making him vomit even more
>collide with her and slam into the floor, smearing shit on her face with one hand and reeeing into her ear, leaking bloody piss on her
>stand up, looking down at her and calmly say 'lie in your grave, you've surely dug it, for denying me my chicken nugget'
>she looks up to me with pleading eyes as i silently mouth the word 'no' as i turn around with my ass perched over her
>continue on with my dialogue as i squeeze out a football sized turd, ignoring her pleads to stop
>'i shall not stand for all your lies, never deny me my chicken tender thighs' as the steaming turd flops down
>she raises her hands to try and stop it, breaking it into chunks as it crumbles between her fingers onto her face and chest
>a chunk lands into her mouth as she begins to gag and nearly vomit as i step over her and hobble over to the freezer
>can't find sauce in the fridge, after all these years i make due with my poopy hand, gotta recycle
>devour the entire box of frozen tendies as i howl to the heavens
>daddy manages to get up and tries to scramble for the door
>slips on his vomit and smacks his head into the dining table corner
>ouchie juice starts leaking from his head and forming a puddle on the floor
>tfw it nearly costed all my gbp
>mfw it was completely worth it
Good thing I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.
Gonna have to ask him to check me out for brain cancer after this.
>be tonight
>playing dota 2 since 9 a.m.
>it's 11:30 p.m.
>wake mummy up and tell her I want cool ranch Doritos locos tacos and baja blast Mountain Dew
>specifically tell her cool ranch & baja blast
>comes back with pleb tier original Doritos locos tacos and kill me tier regular flavor coke
>decide to get back at mummy
>wait until about 2 a.m.
>take a big watery Taco Bell shit in front if her bedroom door
>it's 2 a.m. Now
>she gets up in 4 hours for work and will step into my shit
That'll teach her to not listen to me!
>be me
>23 yo
>watching gay porn on my computer
>furiously stroking my 4 inches dick
>mom comes in
>"anon, is that gay porn?"
>"n-no"
>she takes a rolled up newspaper and starts to hit me with hit
>"you know the lord doesn't like when you watch that kind of thing!"
>"please mommy stop" i'm crying
>"on your back, now!" i can't but obey
>she slaps my penis
>i'm begging her
>"now if I see you watching gay porn again, it's 2 months in chastity cage!"
>ohno.jpg, the chastity cage is always painfull
>she removes all my current GBP, and I can't have tendies for all week.
>also she won't change my diaper
mfw lying in bed in a soiled diaper without tendies.
I am 32 and laughing my ass off. Fml
>"m-mummy i need tendies"
>"no, honey you've had enough of your chicken nuggets for one day :^)"
>wait for her to go to bed
>have to be stealthy, so I jump out of the window
>break my as I land
>limp to mcdonald's
>kick the door with my good leg and fall face first inside
>get up with tears in my eyes and walk up to the counter
>the employees are holding back laughter
>"what would you like to order?"
>I want, w-want uh
>face goes red, palms are sweaty
>turn around and walk to the door
>change my mind again and walk back to the counter
>my voice sounds like a high pitched piglet's squeal
>pull out my katana
>"TENDIES, CHICKEN TENDIES"
>"alright sir, alright"
>police come charging in
>"haha alright sonny, no need to do anything stupid"
>I attempt a dash attack like in my animes
>slip and fall
>cop starts laughing and accidentally pulls the trigger
>reach in my bag for one last tendie as I bleed out
>they gave me chicken nuggets
>be me
>in my room playing Star Fox Command on my DS after getting up early at 3pm
>mummy opens the door, knocking over a stack of my piss jugs
>"A-anon come on, we're going to Walmart to buy you some new clothes"
>pretend I didn't hear her, does this bitch really have the gall to try and interrupt my day?
>"Anon please turn off your game, you haven't been outside since March last year"
>close my eyes to suppress my rising indignation
>start shaking, breathe deeply through my mouth to calm down
>my heartbeat is audible to both of us at this point
>"Anon what's wrong, do you need a doc-"
>snap
>throw the DS at her
>hits her in the mouth and breaks in half
>she just stands there stunned
>"YOU BITCH YOU BROKE MY DS"
>it was the Mario 64 DS version that I bought with the GBP I got for my 26th birthday
>now I'm really mad
>grab my bokken (that's a wooden samurai sword for you gaijin, bought it with GBP that I earned by going weewee in the toilet for a week)
>she turns around to run
>"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING"
>expertly throw my bokken to trip her
>hits her head on the doorframe
>hasn't moved since
I'm hungry and I want tendies but the selfish bitch never taught me how to use the microwave, what do
>Wake up early its 3pm
>Dont smell tendies in the air.
>I waddle to my door around the piss bottles.
>Start slamming my head into the wall and screaming TENDIES TENDIES I WANT TENDIES
>Slut bitch Mommy slowly opens the door to my lair
>With tears in her eyes she slides in my tendies and juice-box.
>I tell her icarly is on later so she better prepare the highest luxary goodboypoints can buy
>I make my way back to my bed exhausted from my journey across the room and back i rest
>my diaper seems almost full ill need a change before the big event later
>pondering what is going to happen in tonights episode i drift into slumber my little pony playing in the background
>I am awoken to mommy cleaning my piss jars up i tell her i need a diaper change aswell she nods with a look of disgust on her face
>Soon icarly will be on the grand event
>The theme songs starts playing i scream at mommy to hurry or ill murder her and feed her to our dog buttersnout
>Mommy enters my room she is dressed in appropriate apperal plaid shorts converss sneekers and a hoodie her hair dyed the perfect shade of blonde.
>Now my Good boy favorite boy reward rivaled only by tendies and juice boxes begins
>I wait for a scene with sam in it my favorite icarly character she is the best i then have mommy do her special service to me and pretend its sam
>i came five times tonight it was the best i finish by blowing on sams i mean mommy butt and tell that dirty slut to go make me SOME FUCKING TENDIES
>she starts walking away when a sight i never witnessed before appears before my eyes SAM IN A BIKINI JUST SHOWED ON AIR OMG
>With a speed of achilles i move like a lion and grab mommy before she makes it out of my lair
>I throw her on my computer desk and did adult things too her more then i ever thought i could
>when im finally finished mommy isnt moving
>icarly is over i lay down and start watching adventure time
>covered in my special sauce mommy starts crying
>i tell her GO GET ME FUCKING TENDIES
>>692103604
>damn what happened to you? why are you like this?
You do know what NEET stands for, right?
>>692096163
Nigga did yo ass just walk in da woman's bedroom askin of dem GBP? Shiiit, you's a real NEET home dog.
>3 o clock in the morning
>get hungry for chicken nuggets
>go into mummies room
>she is playing wrestling with new daddy
>I don't like new daddy
>they are playing under the sheets
>they don't see me enter the room
>I remove my clothes
>I squat beside the bed
>as I squeeze, I let out several grunts and moans
>mummy and new daddy are also grunting and moaning
>squeezing hard, I feel my sphincter throb and pulse
>double double toil and trouble something wicked this way comes
>the brown goodness pours forth from my anus and veers in a sweeping motion slightly to the left and touches the ground
>my sphincter closes off, like a valve, sealing my back passage shut
>I behold my work
>a solid mass of brown goodness
>I am proud
>mummy and new daddy have stopped wrestling
>new daddy says "um...d-do you smell something?"
>mummy pleads "oh god....oh god please not again"
>mummy is well learned in the ways of brown goodness
>but new daddy still must learn
>he is about to
>throwing back the sheets
>mummy and new daddy look upon my work and despair
>new daddy retches at the sight of me standing, now with brown goodness in hand
>new daddy screams "is th-that fucking real?!?! I-is that fucking shit??!?!?!
>mummy buries her face in her hands in shame
>she knows what is coming
>I lean on top of new daddy
>he tries to struggle free
>I'm 350 lbs of pure blubber
>he's going nowhere
>his arms are pinned beneath my might
>I take my brown goodness and paint new daddy's face
>I make him a brown man
>a brown chocolate man with my brown chocolate goodness
>he shakes violently and vomits several times
>I struggle to keep him still
>mummy is sobbing by the bedside
>her days of trying to reason with me are gone
>she has given up all hope
>she is broken
>after I am finished my work, new daddy is covered in my brown goodness and chunks of his own vomit, tears streaming down his face
>after daddy is done gagging, I lean in close
>I whisper "can you take me to mcdonalds to get some chicken nuggets?"
>>692103604
He's a ROBOT, anon.
>>692109487
my fucking sides, top kek
>at a female classmates house doing our research project
>having a casual conversation until the topic turns to sex
>she jokingly asks "so, are you still a virgin anon?"
>"haha uh yeah i still am" feel embarassed
>she chuckles and moves closer to me(we were sitting at the floor)
>get nervous because she`s too close
>she moves her face right in front of mine
>"you`re cute you know" she smiles before kissing me
>feel her tongue, don`t know what was happening, close my eyes and let her do the work
>is this it, am i finally gonna lose my virginity?
>suddenly my phone vibrates
>reached for it and see who texted me
>it was mom "hi anon, i`ll be home in 40 minutes, i hope you did your chores or you know what`s gonna happen.."
>oh shit. i`ve finished all the chores except one, i forgot to mow the lawn
>i pushed her away from me
>"what`s wrong anon?"
>"uh sorry, there`s uh.. an emergency.. i have to go now bye"
>sprint the fuck out of her house
>bitch i`ve worked hard for this
>reason why i went back to college was for the 1000GBP
>i`ve already accumulated 1320GBP
>mowing the lawn is worth 200 GBP
>not doing a chore will deduct my current GBP
>GBP reward x 2 = total amount that will be deducted
>my mom thought of this shitty system so i`ll always do my chores
>i ain`t gonna lose 400GBP now that i`m 180 GBP close to a brand new wiiU
>drive back to my house using my brother`s car
>mfw i was mowing the lawn at 8pm
>mom arrives 30 minutes later, by that time i was already done
>impressed on how of a good boy i am
>we then went out to buy a wiiU
>still have enough GBP for tendies
>everything went better than expected
looking back, did i really made the wrong choice bros?
i knew i shoud`ve used all that GBP to buy a PS4 because my mom thinks that i`m already responsible and there`s no need for GBP anymore
My god this post is true God tier
This thread is fucking hilarious!
>>692110371
Why the hell didn't you just wait for the NX?!!?!?!
>>692110368
Noice, noice.
>>692057295
>This post made me want tendies
>I'm going to go buy the best pre-made tendies
>Then I'm going to deep fat fry that shit in fucking beef tallow
>Gonna get me some sweet baby rays bbq sauce to dip that shit
You jelly neets, you jelly???
You see, if you have a job you don't even need good boy points and can have all the tendies you want.
>>692088878
Top kek m8
>be me
>slowly building up gbp to spend on sweet tenders
>mommy says if i get 300 gbp i can get tendies and a new game
>be good all week throw poop and pee jugs away, help mommy clean dishes
>decide i want tendies now and i don't want to wait for mommy to give me the gbp i need
>get two hidden poo jugs i had saved just inscase mommy is being a bitch
>go to kitchen with poop jugs and demand mommy make tendies and buy me rayman legends for ps4
> mommy says i can't because i don't have enough gbp so i grab the poop jugs and ask her if she is sure about that
>she sees poop jugs and knows that I'm not playing so she quickly makes me my tendies
>finish eating my lovely tendies and tell mommy its time to go get the game from the game store
>grab my nicest fedora and cape since i might see a m'lady
>get to game story and see 7/10 qt 3.14
>tip fedora to girl
>ask girl if she wants to come play rayman with me and eat tendies
>she does mommy gives me 20 gbp for talking to a girl
>go home play rayman and eat more tendies with qt 3.14
>girl sees hidden poop jugs while were playing game and she screams "anon why do you have a milk jug full of shit"
>tell her "where am i supposed to go poo poo if i don't have shit jug?"
>girl leaves and mommy won't buy me more tendies
what do?
>sittin in my room in my pajamies
>watching fight club (best movie btw)
>mommy walks in
>says i have to clean my room
>call her a meanie weenie
>she takes away 5 gbp
>give in and clean my room
>organize piss bottles by date, flavor of dew that produced it, and color
>she gives me a gift in return
>blu ray copy of scott pilgrim vs the world
>i already have 20 copies bitch
>pour out all of her fancy wine
>mfw next morning a copy of kick ass 2 and a plate of tendies is on my desk
>B^)
tfw you have acquired enough GBP to have mom make you a whole box of tendies and put them in your fanny pack to take into the movie theater to eat while watching Jeff Goldblum kill aliens and you have enough money to play the crane game in the lobby afterwards
>family having super bowl party
>go out of my room for a mt dew refuel
>they got chicken wings
>demand them to take it back and get tendies
>mom says no
>immediately shit myself and throw it at the twenty something number of people there
>as they are escaping I chase them out with a baseball bat
>after they leave I beat me mum with it until she gives in
>threaten to kill myself because she's so stupid if she doesn't listen to me
>get my tendies and a salty cup of me mum's tear
didn't even lose any GBP, she did it for free
>>692114138
>ask mom to take me to the new pixar movie
>she says I only have 23 GBP and I need 30 for a movie
>tells me if I didn't spend so many points on chicken tendies I'd have 80 GBP right now
>stomp on her foot and scream in her face
>she's curls down on the floor and starts crying
>tell her to give me a chore so I can get a quick 10 GBP
>while crying she tells me to clean some dishes
>throw some cups in the sink and turn the water on full blast, splashing water everywhere
>"Can we go now?"
>she says yes
>tell her she better buy us popcorn too
I pity the idiots that still buy their movie tickets with real money. kek.
>>692063939
>leonardo
Faggot
>be me
>30 years old
>Living in moms basement
>Saved up 50 GBP
>I can finally get 10 tendies
>"MOM I SAVED UP GOOD BOY POINTS FOR TENDIES"
>"We are out of tendies, anon"
>I push her back
>"LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE CHICKEN TENDIES IS WHAT I DESIRE"
>"Anon I'm gonna take 40 GBP"
>"FUCK YOU WHORE"
>I hear new daddy walking downstairs
>He whispers to mommy "why do we have to live with this autistic shit"
>I don't like new daddy
>"MOMMY MOMMY GET ME TENDIES YOU COMMIE"
>She starts crying
>New daddy hits me
>I pick up a claw-hammer and bash him in the head, just like Driver
>New daddy is screaming
>Mommy is crying
>Mommy runs up stairs
>She better be getting my fucking tendies
>I shit all over new daddy
>Mommy comes back down on the phone
>Notendies.jpeg
>I pick the shit off new daddy
>I throw wad of shit at mommy's phone
>Mommy starts crying more
>Mommy runs upstairs and walks out
>I go back into the basement to take a nap
>When I wake up mommy is back with 2 tendies and no sauce
>"Where's my other tendies you whore"
>I grab my glock from my drawer with my stale bagel bites
>I shoot mommy 5 times
>Mommy is bleeding on floor
>I steal her wallet and go upstairs
>I see bag full of tendies
>Tfw unlimited tendies
>>692115396
>just like Driver
lel, sure you did
>wake up at 11PM
>tum tum roaring with the force of a thousand exploding suns from hunger
>put hand down my pull up big boy diaper and poke around in my bum bum
>pull out a soggy mess of half digested poo poo
>smell it and wipe it on my buzz lightyear bedsheets for mommy to clean up later
>roll out of my race car bed and waddle to kitchen
>mommy better have my tendies ready and at perfect temperature or she's going to PAY
>find mommy slumped against the oven, overwhelmed from exhaustion from having to work 2 jobs
>that BITCH overcooked my tendies AND they're cold
>dig around inside bum bum again and smear poo poo over over the tendies and the Good Boy Points chart on the fridge
>at least she prepared XL sippy cup filled with Mountain Dew
>gag because its lukewarm from having been left out of the fridge too long
>vomit all over the floor
>fling my sippy cup at mommy and hit her on the head
>juice explodes everywhere and mixes with the vomit
>mommy doesn't even notice
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>jump onto her and start hitting her in her tummy and num nums
>she wakes up with a look of pure terror, and gags from the stench of vomit, shit and orange juice
>YOU BURN MY TENDIESSSSSSSSSSSSS
>she tries to explain that she's so tired from work and not having enough money
>continue pulling on her num nums until she lifts up her top and lets me drink
>mfw I stole enough gold stars so I'll have enough GBP to buy that electric motorbike to race around the house with now
>>692115889
How much GBP you reckon that jacket would cost?
>stuggling
>>692089944
Jeez that's awful, I am literally headed down that path right now
I am almost morbidly obese, but I shower (not every day I admit, but at least every third day) and I have a mess in my room, but I don't have piss and shit bottles, in fact I never understood what is your fucking problem, is the toilet 1km away from you or something? I don't even. You guys are beyond saving.
This is the best fucking thread I have seen all year
>42 years old
>wake up at 4pm
>my bed is wet, but i check my diaper and it hasn't leaked
>its just sweat from my 350lb big boy body
>hear mommy talking to my new daddy
>i get out of bed and check my scoreboard
>i have 100 good boy points
>enough for 2 meals of delicious tendies
>shout to mommy "FOR GOODBOY POINTS AQUIRED, CHICKEN TENDIES ARE DESIRED"
>"2 MEALS PLEASE, KFC OR WENDIES"
>immediately mommy stops talking
>she shouts back "anon, i can't afford tendies! GBP aren't taken at wendies!"
>this normie whore thinks she can trick me
>i kick open my door in a fit of righteous good boy rage
>lifting my leg to kick the door causes my diaper to leak so i have to move fast
>i storm into the next room where he and daddy were talking
>"MOMMY TELLS LIES, SO POOPY GOES IN HER EYES"
>scoop feces from my now overflowing diapy and throw it at her, narrowly missing
>new daddy loses his shit, but its okay because my diaper has shit to spare
>grab a handful
>he charges me and knocks me out with a single punch
>i don't even have time to throw my feces
>before i hit the ground, i realize the stupid whore finally picked a worthwhile daddy for me
>as i fade from consciousness i whisper "SAITAMA?"
>wake up in bed with a plate of tendies and an extra 50 GBP on the score board for not hitting mommy with my poop
>dumb bitch actually thought it was a warning, not an actualy attempt
I want to publicly thank OP for his kindness today, thanks faggot
>find really cute girl on my myspace page
>really cute profile pic
>sends msg saying "ay anon u look hot"
>dont send anything back
>two weeks later i have enough courage to send her a message saying that I'd like to take her out to my favorite restaurant.
>she says okay
>just racked up enough goodie boy points for my mom to drive me out
>mommy picks up cute myspace girl
>myspace girl isn't what her profile picture looks like, but I'm okay with that. even though she is a little more thick boned doesn't mean she doesn't require love, and attention.
>goto Raising Cane's
>order their most expensive tendies
>she likes tendies too
>while she is getting the Cane's sauce I drop a daddy pill into her mountain dew
>after a single tendie she is out cold
>drag her out back
>take off her yoga pants
>finally find my tendie and stick it in her
>after a solid 3 minutes I'm done
>pass out next to her
>call mommy to come back and take us back to her place
>lay her on the bed and stare at her for a good 2 hours
>pass out along with her on my queen size bed
>try to get mommy to prepare some tendies for breakfast but i'm all out of GBP
>gril comes back into reality
>wants tendies
>mommy says this is a special occasion so she'll cook up a batch
>myspace girl loves tendies
>>692059607
no you summerfag
>>692118649
That was disturbing and not very funny at all.
99 PROBLEMS (BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE)
IF YOU'RE HAVING MUMMY PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE
I GOT THE NEET PATROL ON THE BEAT PATROL
NEW DADDIES THAT WANNA TAKE MY MUMMY HOME
NORMIES TRYNA ME FOR MY CRUSTED WAIFU FOAM
I'M FROM /B/ BITCH WHAT YOU BULLYIN' ME FO'?
IF YOU GREW UP WITH AUTISM AND CHADS YOU'D FUCKIN KNOW
HOW HARD IT IS TO FUCK WITH ANIME AND MANGAS BRO
STOP FUCKIN' WITH MY INTERESTS, I GOT POO POOS TO THROW
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKERS TAKE ME AS
YOU CAN'T COMPARE TO THE SPAGHETTI MY NIGGA PEPE HAS
CHADS TRYNA PUSH ME DOWN, FUCK EM DOE
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE, HIT ME
99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE
IF YOU HAVIN' MUMMY PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON,
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE
I'M SITTIN' IN MY BASEMENT NOT TOO LONG AGO
32-OH, ON COUNTER STRIKE, WHAT A PRO
MUMMY BARGES IN TRYNA GET ME TO CLEAN MY PISS BOTTLES
FUCK YOU BITCH, I GOT ENOUGH FUCKIN' PROBLEMS!
I PICK ONE BOTTLE UP AND THROW IT AT HER SLUTTY FACE
FUCK WITH YOUR SPECIAL BOY, YOU'RE THE FUCKIN' DISGRACE
NOW GO BRING ME SOME EXTRA TENDIES OR I'LL POO POO PEE PEE
YOU WANNA WATCH ME GO ON A PISSING, SHITTING, KILLING SPREE?
SITTIN' ON MY CUM THRONE, WAIFU BY MY SIDE
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE, HIT ME
99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE,
IF YOU HAVIN' MUMMY PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON
I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE
GOT STACKS OF GOOD BOY POINTS SITTIN' ON MY DESK
SHOULD I SAVE EM OR SPLURGE ON SOMETHING GROTESQUE?
MUMMY WANTS TO GET MY BURGER KING FOR LUNCH
FUCK OFF BITCH, I NEED THAT CHICKEN TENDIE CRUNCH
TAKE MY GBP AND GIVE ME MY RANCH,
OR I'LL TAKE MY KATANA AND SLICE YOU LIKE A BRANCH
TENDIES, LOLI, AND /B/ IS ALL I FUCKIN' NEED
TOP OF THE WORLD, MORE SHINE THAN A KING'S GREED
MUMMY, CLEAN YOUR SPECIAL BOY'S POO POO NOW
IF YOU DON'T COME IN 2 SECONDS, YOU'RE GONNA NEED A PLOW
GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A CHAD AIN'T ONE
IF YOU HAVIN' MUMMY PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON
>>692117002
not fucking hard to shower once a day, and if you are obese id say two at least
>>692069932
Kekd hard.
>be head of the local restaurant workers union
>local fast food joint treats us like crap
>unpaid overtime, lack of disability leave, the whole nine yards
>call strike
>three days into the strike
>picketing the restaurant with workers
>a fat,unshaven 30-some odd man waddles up to the picket line
>this fuck has no clue how to dress himself
>he yells ''MAKE ME TENDIES!"
>ask him what the flying fuck ''tendies'' are
>''CHICKIE TENDIES! WANT CHICKIE TENDIES!''
>think he means chicken tenders
>try to explain to him that we're on strike
>he cuts me off mid-sentence and starts chanting ''TENDIES NOW TENDIES NOW TENDIES NOW''
>ignore him, go back to picketing
>suddenly get hit with a clump of shit soaked in jizz and piss
>he has his pants off and he's spraying diarrhea and piss all over the place
>he also has a jug filled with piss, shit,and cum that he's throwing at people
>''POO POO PEE PEE GO BACK TO MAKING TENDIES POO POO PEE PEE GO BACK TO MAKING TENDIES''
>chad, one of the more jacked members of our union, punches him in the face
>sunddenly he has on the chinese swords, and boy he does know how to use it
>he beheads chad and starts seriously injuring other people
>try to reason with him
>''please stop! i want to go back to making tendies just as much as you want me to!''
>he stops and yells ''WHY DONT YOU MAKE TENDIES THEN''
>''the boss won't pay us enough. without money, we can't feed our families,and, uh, then we get too depressed to make tendies
>somehow it passes through his thick skull
>goes inside
>comes out with boss 5 minutes later
>he's going to give us a pay raise
>mfw instead of minimum wage, we now make 100 Good Boy Points an hour
>/b/tards wonder why they can never get a GF
Because of immature garbage like this.
Grow the fuck up, all of you.
>>692118649
Hi what going on in this thread
>>692064520
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
holy shit kek
As I sit in my room, slightly out of breath
I reach for a tendie and realize there's none left
Coz I've been eatin' and REEEEin so long that
Even Mommy thinks I should get a job
But I ain't never worked a day, I don't deserve it
Me be treated like a normie? Ya know that's unheard of
Mommy better watch how she talks, how loud she walks,
Or I'll bash her head in with a concrete block.
I really hate the trips here, they are a joke,
I smoke'm with my memes and POOPY jokes, hue
I'm the kind NEET the little normies don't want to be like
On /b/ day and night, posting memes in the screenlight.
Been spending most our lives, living in this NEETs paradise,
It's hard work, we post all night, living in this NEETs paradise,
Chad can have his whores each night, we're living in this paradise.
No gf or hope in life, living in this NEETs paradise.
>>692121387
Look at the spaghetti they got me spillin'
I can't live a normie's life, I was raised as a NEET
So I gotta be down at the food shop
Too much chicken tendie eating got my stomach aching
I'm bursting for the bathroom but no toilet near my room
Got my tissue in my hand, the piss bottle at my side
I'm a lock'd-in NEET with cripplin' anxiety
And my Internet's down, so get me some more tendies, mommy
Wendy's ain't nothing but a short drive away,
I'm wanna die, I'm too scared to anhero
I'm 23 now, will I ever become a wizard
The way things are going I know I will
Tell me why are normies glad to see
That the ones they hurt are you and me
Been spending most our lives, living in this NEET paradise,
It's hard work, we post all night, living in this NEET paradise,
Chad can have his whores each night, we're living in this paradise.
No gf or hope in life, living in this NEET paradise.
>>692096163
>you don't just walk in here, scream about hating the Jews between loud 'dun duns'
>>692119786
Suck my dick.
I barely move around, so I barely even sweat. I just shower because even if you clean your ass, it still stinks after a while, plus you can get infections and other undesirable shit.
So I don't understand these people, how the hell can they survive being so filthy? And don't come and say "it is just a prank bro" because I have seen pictures of these scenarios they are posting and videos.
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
Why is this the saddest part?
>>692057295
>tendies reporting in
>can confirm
>was crisp
>lost all my tendies and GBP in the crash
>decide to earn one billion GBP
>buckle down and start working hard
>clean the piss, shit, and cum jugs out of my room earned 100 GBP
>step outside for the first time in years and go to the barber, earned 10 GBP
>get a shave and a haircut, earned 50 GBP for each
>enroll back in college, 100 points
>keep racking up points for years
>lose weight, get fit 100,000 points
>get a gf 10,000 points
>graduate medical school 100,000 points
>get married and buy a house 1,000,000 points
>mommy awards points for grandkids so I get my girlfriend pregnant a few times as well
>decide to see them through college for bonus points
>fast forward, kids come home for Christmas from unis
>I'm getting close to my goal of 1 billion GBP
>my sons are happy to see me
>my daughter is saying some shit about how stressful college life is
>"I'm having a hard time at college dad, it's so competitive"
>well, honey, I'm sure you'll make it you just have to bee yourself, I have complete faith in you (I've been keeping close count of GBP,. 10 points for giving fatherly advice means I've reached my goal)
>"Oh daddy I'm so glad I have you here to keep me grounded! I don't know what I would do without you
>honey I love you too, belive me life is-
>a smuge smile creeps upon my lips
>IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY FOR MUMMY
>right-hook my daughter in the face
>shit on the dinner table, ruin the Christmas dinner
>my family looks on in horror
>sprint out of the house all the way to my mommy's retirement home
>kick the door down
>shake her hand and smear i with shit
>IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY MUMMY WHERE'S MY TENDIES
>she stares at me with dead eyes, a single drop in her left one
That was 4 years ago. I've been living off my GBP and eating mounds upon mounds of tendies ever since.
>>692071468
"shes" a trap you autistic fuck nugget
>wake-up at 2PM
>Subconsciously shit in my MLP jammies while sleeping
>scream at the top of my lungs "MUUUUUUUUUUMMMYYYYYYYYYY"
>mummy silently lurks into the doorway to my room
>"y-y-yes, dear?"
>scream "GIVE ME CHANGIES AND FETCH ME CHICKEN TENDIES"
>mummy silent weeps to herself and walks over to my adult-sized crib with a fresh new pair of magic school-bus jammies
>start kicking and flailing my arms and legs because my tummy rumbles for tendies
>start to screech while mummy tries her best to not have another mental breakdown session
>start chanting "CHICKEN TENDIES YUMMY YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY"
>"Anon d-dear, you've already used all of the 20 piece bag from last night in one dinner, I-I...I..have to go get m-
>spring up and smash my body into hers, she screams and starts sobbing
>she pushes me out of the way as she runs downstairs
>yell "OUCHIES, YOU HURT YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY" and start crying frantically
>chase after her, mummy locks herself in the pantry
>start beating on the pantry while screaming and crying "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>Mummy is weeping loudly enough for the neighbors to hear
>cry even louder and accidentally shit new jammies
>use up all of the engine I had for the day crying
>crawl over to my scooby-doo playroom and roll up into a ball and fall asleep
>wake up at 9 PM, tucked in bed with clean jammies
>note from mummy: "I'm sorry anon, I never meant to hurt you, always be my good little boy! I love you!"
>fresh plate of tendies on trash-littered computer desk
>shovel them into face
>fall back satisfied
>>692115298
What's wrong with Leonardo?
>>692068184
>Mummy comes back in, because she's at my beck and call
It's "beckon call" you dumb froglet.
>>692064025
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
Well yeah, it's your birthday, you get it for free.
>Wake up today
>Absolutely beautiful morning, perfect to redeem my Good Boy Points (GBP) for a Tendie dindin with Honey Mustard dipping sauce!
>Nearly trip over myself as I rush downstairs to inform Mummy that I want my tendies now
>When I get to the kitchen, I check my GBP chart. I have enough GBP for a few extra tendies!
>Except....
>Now there's a section for someone else to get GBP....
>Written there is the name Tyler, my severely autistic brother.
>"Mummy, why is Tyler's name on the GBP chart? GBP's are only for Mummy's Best Boy."
>"Anon, Tyler needs attention too."
>"Do you hate me, Mummy?"
>"i-i could never hate mummy's little angel..."
>She offers me 50 GBP if I can look past this
>I accept and sit down at the dinner table
>Notice Tyler is hitting himself in the head repeatedly
>He's been doing this for an hour while letting out donkey sounds
>"Tyler, please stop hitting yourself, I'll give you 150 GBP if you eat your Tendies peacefully"
>Tyler farts and begins to dip his tendies in fucking ketchup
>He doesn't like the taste and throws it into the kitchen sink
>Wasting TENDIES
>OVER THE LINE
>Realize Tyler would be ahead of me if he gets 150 GBP,.
>This little shit never does ANYTHING, why should he be ahead of MUMMY'S BEST BOY!?
>I snap
>Begin stomping my heelys on the ground, demanding Tyler lose Good-Boy points for sperging out and wasting tendies
>"Anon, you're a big boy now. Big boys need to be mature..."
>"HOW'S THIS FOR MATURE?"
>Grab the mustard from the fridge and spray it all over Tyler's tendies
>he hates it when brown and yellow foods mix
>starts screaming and punching his head
>Mummy tries to stop him
>"Please Tyler, it's okay... You can still eat it. It's fine if brown and yellow foods mix.."
>"Yeah Tyler it looks just like POO POO PEE PEE on your plate you faggot"
>Smash his face into the plate and make for my room
>Decide to give myself 30 GBP for my trouble.
>at home watching anime
>mummy comes home crying
>she comes into my room saying that she was fired from her job by her boss for nothing
>tells me that she cannot buy tendies until she gets a new job
>sonofabitch.jpeg
>her normieshit boss has crossed the line by interrupting my tendie meals
>youvedonefuckedup.mp3
>put on my best fedora and trench coat
>Put a couple of pee pee bottles in pockets
>grab cane
>go to her office to see this fucker
>goes inside and finds his office
>go inside
>he says who the hell are you
>i tell him that i believe you have fired mummy, please hire her again
>"fuck no, shes lazy and rarely gets any work done. get out of my office"
>thismeanswar.exe
>let out a mighty REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>he calls security guard to drag me out
>throws pee pee bottle at guard's head
>it smashes against his head and is knocked out
>open the second bottle and spin around spraying pee pee everywhere
>pull down pants and spray poo poo all over office
>POO POO PEE PEE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FIRED MUMMMY POO POO PEE PEE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE FIRED MUMMY
>normie boss who is covered in poo poo and pee pee finally listens
>"okay okay I'll hire her again, i'll even give her a pay raise, just get out of my office end never come back"
>success.gif
>go home and tell mummy the good news
>mummy is happy
>mummy gives me 5 tendie meals with extra ranch
>doesn't cost me any GBP
>mfw
>>692121951
For me the saddest part was the OP actually having the cynicism to post this at all.
Because I know it is probably real and not just ebin jokes.
>Trying to not soil myself, waiting for mummy to come home
>Eventually the door squeaks open, the sound of hesitant footsteps follow
>At last.
>"MUMMY!" I yell, "I HAVE SOME GOOD BOY POINTS TO SPEND!"
>Really audible sighs come from the door.
>"Okay Anon, I had a very rough day at work today and..."
>Canyoubelievethisshit.tendies
>"KINGBOY IS GETTING HUNGRY MUMMY, AND IF HE DOESN'T GET HIS TENDIES NOW HE WILL HAVE TO FIGHT YOU!"
>Empty tears start flowing from her eyes.
>"Ten minutes Anon, that's all I need, I'm begging you...."
>"BABYBOY KNOWS THIS IS WHY FATHER LEFT YOU MUMMY, BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS FAIL TO DELIVER THE TENDIES.
>Laughter erupts from my gut and fills the room
>Almost shit myself, but stop before it's too late.
>Shitty pants = fewer GBP :(
>Time is running out for poor Mummy
>"IN FIVE SECONDS I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT YOU IF TENDIES AREN'T IN MY HAND MUMMY."
>Niggers don't even get treated this badly
>"Go die already, please Anon" says Mummy.
>Obviously I can't die, not before I have my tendies.
>"FINE MUMMY., YOU'VE MADE YOUR DECISION, PREPARE TO FIGHT."
>"F--fine..." she mumbles. She barely has the strength to breathe.
>"ATTTAAACCCKKK!!" I scream
>Go slowly through the hallway so I don't lose GBP for running in the house again
>"AT LAST! PREPARE FOR TROUBLE! MAKE IT DOUBLE! PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVASTATION UNITE ALL TENDIES WITHIN OUR NATION!"
>I recite all of Team Rocket's motto even though I lose some GBP for doing so.
>Never got my tendies though.
>>692064769
I had that carpeting when I was a kid!
>Wake up at 3pm
>Have shat myself multiple times in my sleep
>Look at the clock
>Mummy finishes work at 2pm
>Oh boy Tendies day
>Go into Lounge room
>Mummy has friends over for coffee
>they notice me standing there wearing nothing but the shit encrusting my lower torso
>"MUMMY TENDIES MUMMY TENDIES"
>"Anon you should go have a shower"
>"NO MUMMY TENDIES"
>One of mummy's friends look at me
>"A 28 year old man shouldn't live the way you do"
>I look this bitch in the eye, this fucking cunt who dared speak out of line
>Pick up the coffee table and swing it into her face breaking her jaw
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Grab mummy's head
>Shove it into my anus
>"LICKY LOO MUMMY, LICKY LOO"
>Mummy starts crying
>"P-please anon I'll raise your GBP by 500 if you stop"
>"No mummy, you're a bad mummy for not supplying my tendies mummy you have to learn"
>"O-okay anon I'm going to have to go buy your tendies"
>Mummy and her friends leave
>>692057295
>>692063763
>>692063939
>>692064025
etc
you just convinced me to ask a girl out, thanks
SOMEONE FUCKING SCREENCAP THIS SHIT.
Even though most of these stories are (hopefully) fake, It's frightening to know that there really are people who live their life this way, and there are poor women who put up with creeps like these.
I wanna be in screencap pls. Never been in one before.
>So i can show my mom
Holy shit
>>692069932
holy fuck 10/10
>>692127722
>It's frightening to know that there really are people who live their life this way, and there are poor women who put up with creeps like these.
Uh some of the creeps who live like this ARE women.
You sound like a bitter single guy wondering why even slobs get more pussy than you.
Ha, this thread is like being in the Navy all over again.
>mum forgot to give me my GBP for the day
>pick her up from her sleepy slumber place
>drag her away from the shed, across the garden, and into the house
>standing infront of GBP board
>"mum, mum, wake up, I been a golly good boy today!"
>she doesn't respond
>get angrier "mommy! mommy!"
>grab knife from the kitchen table
>remember that I have to be a good boy, even when others are being naughty to me
>pick up her hand
>drag it to the GBP sticky stickers (haha)
>drag the hand to the board and carefully place them
>put mama back to sleep
It was a good day today. I was a good boy, and I really do derve those chicken tendies.
Even though mama wasn't nice, I gave her a kiss when I put her back into her coffin.
For my Nug/b/ros out there on the open sea.
Never forget
Imagine all the free GBP us NEETbros would receive under the Bernie administration.
>>692118926
>That was disturbing
It's not like the rest of these are pacifying
These stories always really make me sad. No they aren't relatable, but still.
>>692128210
You sound like a neckbeard that thinks he might still have a chance. Give it up autismo, no girl will step foot in your piss bottle cave.
But what he meant is that he feels sorry for the mother's of these people.
>>692130906
I know, but some of them are hilarious. That one was just...fuck.
>>692131944
>No they aren't relatable
Speak for yourself.
