What's the stupidest thing you ever did while horny?
There was a really good thread like this a few days ago, so let's do it again fags.
pic largely unrelated.
>>691367653
fucked a watermellon
>>691367653
had sex with a passed out girl at a party with her boyfriend
Fucked mango in a bottle
your mum
>>691367653
i got into a relationship
>>691367653
fapped to a nigress
Probably fucking a granny unprotected I met on craigslist.
molested my little brother
>>691367653
I did a survey. Then I downloaded from mediafire.
>>691367653
Fapped to Muscle girl growth. Regretted it immediately after cumming.
>>691367653
cut out an orange and used it as a cock sleeve with hand lotion
Agreed to have a kid with my now ex wife.
>>691367653
she looks scary, 2spooky2fuck
>be me
>be 15
>laying on the couch with my sister, watching movies late at night
fuck it
yall know where this is going, I felt up my sister.
Mirror box video, post it
I have this strange thing that, when i smoke some weed i get extra horny. So i was at a friends house who owns a beautiful big dog. Me and my friend smoked together about 2-3 joints each, i left his bedroom to pee, then i saw his dog and a feeling that i never had came in, i got close to his dog and started fapping him, he started humming and lick my cheek, the i felt him cumming and his knot growing up. I was about to get on fours for him to fuck me, but then i realized what i was doing and stopped.
>>691368253
I know that feel...
>>691369407
Did that once when was little.
Dont care
>>691369407
and then everybody did the dinosaur, we've heard you tell this story a thousand times.
>Came on my face
>Didn't notice some ran down my back
>Cum dried
>Spent the next hour ripping dried cum out of the hair on my back
I was trying to fuck my girlfriend in the ass and i farted.
bump
>>691367653
>stupidest thing you ever did while horny
Chelsea.
Swallow my cum
Made this little boy jerk me off
>>691367653
Came on my face, put stuff in my butt.
Oh and stole panties, nearly got caught a few times. Had to stop, didn't want to get outed as a sex offender.
>>691369890
>doesnt know what a shower is
well
i fucked a fat chick after having no sex for a month
craigslist
pretended to be gay for 3 months to talk to a cute popular girl in 8th grade
it kinda worked, she sent me a few pics of her in underwear.
idk, i had some good faps but that shit followed me all the way throughout high school
Masturbation is a sin. Sex before marriage is a sin. If you people cant look past your carnal desires you are no better than animals.
>>691367653
I ate like 16 twinkies and pooped out my dick.
>>691370593
Water doesn't do a good job at washing cum out of hair
Fucked a grapefruit.
Protip: when fucking produce, avoid citrus fruits
>>691370890
>cold water
>conditioner
>comb
>>691369668
eggs or sausage?
>>691369828
I have no idea what doing the dinosaur is, but okay.
>>691371152
I'll try that next time
>>691369668
It's not strange dude the chemical compounds in weed, thc is an aphrodesiac.
>>691367653
spent $750 at a strip club and then drove around the ghetto trying and failing to pick up a streetwalker, followed by going on backpage and calling up random women before backing out because they all sound too much like cops.
one of those days where for the next three weeks, you constantly think to yourself, "the fuck is wrong with me?"
>>691370890
Never fap in a shower, wash cum, or try to jizz in someone's water bottle. lessons i've learned. that shit turns into glue.
>>691367653
Punched my 6 year old brother once
>be me
>fapping in room
>hear door open
>Little brother comes in
>Tells me mom said dinner was ready
>my dick is still out
>He doesn't seem to care
>get up
>Punch him square in the face
>Starts crying
>tell him to shut up
>He does
>call him a shithead
>push him out
>carry on fapping
>Finish
>Go downstairs after cleaning
>little brother looks sad while eating
>mom asks if I know why he's sad
>say I have no idea
>look at him
>Death stare
I still don't know why I thought I had to punch him
>>691370655
>tfw nobody replies to your bait
>>691368955
Basically this
>>691371273
you are probably too young for this board.
>>691370655
Low quality bait, nice repeating digits faggot
jacked off using shampoo I knew would burn my dick
>>691370655
Top kek
>>691368253
God damn I know that feel. Just got a new job though so hopefully I can find a reason to get out of it
>>691367653
came into my girlfriend while we were 16 because she begged me too. it was both our first time.
>>691371444
Wrote a stupid beta love letter that hurt my virginity more than helped me lose it.
>>691371612
>Implying at least half of the current user base isn't.
>>691371505
Conditioner always works at dissolving cum.
>>691371696
you just replied to it
Fucked a 45 year old obese woman. 18 years old back then lol
>>691371576
>>691371696
How is it bait? You think its impossible for someone on this board to be religious?
I got really high and masturbated with the goo from a melted popsicle.
Feelsgoodman.jpg
Immediate regret when I woke up a few hours later.
>>691371557
Fucking top kek.
My sides
>>691372158
yes, this is 4chan not fucking reddit
whacking off to futanari
>>691371557
You should appreciate your brothers... I wish i did.
>>691372158
Not after they're slain!
Fucked some 42 year old fat bitch when I was 16.
Wanted to kill myself for a solid week afterwards.
Still do even after 6 years.
Probably will eventually.
>>691367653
>Put various things up my ass
>Shot my cum into my mouth
>Stalked girls at mall taking videos of them
>Bought big dildos on online sextoys store
>Bought wig on ebay to dress up as chick
>Shot cum onto bread and ate it
Testosterone's a hell of a drug....
Had a really bad cold when I was 16, always had bad allergies. Used all the excess mucus that I kept sneezing out to fap with. Best jizz ever.
A good friend of mine is gay and lives in washington. i havent seen him since highschool but wel kept in touch.
He eventually married a man and i ended up going to his wedding. Like 5 years ago. His after party was crazy i took a bunch of molly and was pretty high on coke. Ended up having a threesome with him a d his husband. Never been with a guy, haven't ever again. I was really fucking high and horny and they came onto me
>>691372498
What the fuck am I looking at in this image
>>691372498
mfw i'm otherwise an extremely normal well adjusted straight male in a good relationship
Although I have to admit I did all of those things during a very long "dry spell"
>>691372398
I do thanks, I said sorry afterwards
>>691367653
oh boy, here we go
>tried to impregnate my fuckhole/girlfiriend
>pissed and ejaculated in her roommates orange juice, at least 4 times in three, which she drank for over a week
>stole panties from quad laundry rooms several times, masturbated in them, and put them back
>got my friend coffee from the dining hall just so I could jack off in it (she drank it in front o me)
>almost walked right into a shady BP meetup
came on my friends toothbrush and later watch her brush her teeth with it
>>691372666
I'll bet they did Satan, stop tempting me with your homosexual propaganda!
>>691369407
same here man, now im in a confort zone.
I dont have a bf becuase when im horny i just say "fuck it! My sis will suck my dick when i get home"
and she does, its a regular thing now.
But i fully regret like 5 secs after i cum.
I would like to back and not have done anything with her.
Let a fat girl suck me off one night. Although probably was the best head I ever had
visited a prostitute
Arrive early to the office
Cum on a (female) coworker desk and cup
Mfw she served coffee on that cup and drink it
>>691373297
You ain't sorry then nigga be honest
>>691371342
>next time
Kek
>was at a house party everyone had even gotten too drunk and fucked off
>was left drinkin with this lass called leanne
>we referred to her as leanne the man who had hands like andrea the giant and a voice like david attenborough
>she offered me a blow job in the living room
>just decide to fuck the 6'4 giant of a man woman
>woke up in the morning and realised what i had done contemplated waking the masculine woman soo she could move her dolph lugren muscle arms of me so i could move and walk of shame home
>was still drunk and horny, woke her up and went for round 2
My mom was an alcoholic club bunny who stumbled home to pass out drunk at least twice a week, usually more. I was a horny angry teenager and the only man in the house. Use your imagination.
>>691373297
I fucked this ugly fat girl one time when i was horny. I was stupid and blew it in her, she gets pregnant go figure. Luckily she already had 2 kids and she was the first to jump at getting it taken care of. But no joke on top of that i got syphilis from her and had to gwt these 2 big ass shots in both my sides
>>691373475
nice
worked with this hot girl once
couple days before she was about to leave for good I jacked off in her chair
then i took her used tissues out of her garbage and brought them home to fap with and put in my mouth
>>691373734
>>691373197
>>691369407
Yall need to greentext this shit.
>>691373670
>was left drinkin with this Lasse
How's the ranch partner?
Fucked drunk and unprotected, got warts
put alcohol on my testicles
>>691373176
My kin. I have the same fetish, I like to cum on things/in places that belong to women, especially the private and personal stuff. Sandwich? - semen dressing.
liquids of any kind in closed containers? - cum cocktail
clothing, dirty or clean? - cover in my semen and placed in original position (especially the panties - how else will they wear my cum on their pussies all day). I pulled of my gf panties in the middle of the night to cum on her crotch
![images[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/3CYm7dz.jpg "images[1].jpg")
>>691367653
Never think about buying a sex toy when horny. I fucking ordered this from Japan for fucks sake, I live in England, the postage was fucking mental.
>>691374054
What was the result?
>>691368253
This
>>691373197
You sound black...greentext it?
>>691371699
fucking IDIOT
wait shit I've done the same thing
>>691374056
i've done it twice
pretty satisfying
>>691374141
Was the juice worth the squeeze?
>>691373960
top kek
>>691374141
>mental
I always read that in Ron Weasleys voice
>>691373934
that last part is just weird, even by my standards, and i could be considered a sex offended for how many times i forced closed female acquaintances to ingest my fluids.
>>691367653
Felt up sister's friend while she slept. She woke up and I was so terrified I pretended I was sleepwalking. Was 13 she was 16, I got away with it though, no punishments
>>691374273
I don't know what you just said but it hasn't arrived yet, i'll make a thread about it, why not.
>>691373950
I already greentexted it in the wincest thread on /b/
Head over there if you're interested
Bought a fleshlight.
>>691374141
thanks for the laugh man
>>691374273
lolwut
>>691373960
it was worse, i thought i could wash the previous night off with mouth wash in mouth and bollocks area. Worse was that couple weeks later my mate told me he fucked her earlier that day, second mans baby gravy may have touch mine
>>691367653
Fapped to this.
put stuff up my ass, came in my mouth and held it there while i went for a round 2, swallowed it all when i came
>>691374594
was the cumsation worth it,
you dunce
>>691367653
got my dick sucked by a tranny
>>691374738
Thank you, i thought i was quite clear
wincest...
then i told someone i thought i trusted cause i was young and stupid.
now they hate me and im pretty sure there blabbing to everyone
also i took some pictures of myself and have daddy issues and everyone found out when people went through my phone...
I have every excuse to kill myself but somehow im to much of a pussy to do it.
>>691367718
Same
>>691367718
kek
>>691374563
Link?
>>691374756
if it looks female and sucks like a female, don't bother yourself with details. but if you have a beard touching your pubes, You don fuck your life up, son.
>>691374942
post pics
>>691370490
r u me
>>691373734
Were you that anon who felt up his mom and shit when she passed out on the couch? I think I read your greentext a while back, sadly I didn't screenshot it.
>>691370490
lol done these things
>>691367653
Fucked in public, banged a girl on period and fucked my mattress, etc
>>Pulled my dick out in front of a girl and started jerking.
>>She asked me to leave.
>>What the hell was I thinking?
Got blown by a girl who just had a tracheotomy, told her she could now do it and not stop to catch her breath. :))
>>691375341
It was worth a shot
>>691375251
None of those things are remotely outlandish, you fucking plebeian.
If you knifed a hole in the mattress and fucked the springs i'd be impressed.
took a girl's first kiss and fingered her for her first time
also got my first head from a 16 year old whilst plastered and horny (I swear to God she looked 20)
also lost my virginity while blackout drunk (according to my friends, at least)
alcohol and horniness go hand in hand for me, if you can't tell.
>>691367653
bought one of those prostate stimulator things that's supposed to give you crazy orgasms. Didn't fucking do shit it probably only works for fags who have developed correlation with anal stimulation and sex.
Also I once stole a "la blue girl" dvd from my much older cousin cause hentai looked hot and this was long before I had internet. Had to basically keep in in my pants in the front all day I had to move slow and awkward the rest of the day. Was totally worth it.
>>691370655
Could you cite in the Bible where it says masturbation is a sin please? I'm generally curious as I've heard people say this before, but haven't seen any proof.
>>691375104
and lose the last shred of decency i have?
sorry man i just cant do that right
>>691375078
it wasn't that bad. i was so fucking horney. so i went to this local chatroom. the guy catfished(though was a nice latina big booty babe) but i didnt care. let him bend over in my car, and suck it. kicked him out after, though
>>691375562
>lost virginity when blackout drunk
Was this last weekend or something
Family reunion, about 30 relatives staying at my grammas. I was 13 or so, had an aunt that was 19 and hot as fuck. There were about 15 of us camped out in the basement living room. I snuggled up to her. Laid there horny as fuck for hours, couldn't fall asleep. Slowly started feeling her up, on top of clothes. No reaction, went under bra and started massaging her tits. Nips got hard, but she didn't do anything. Pulled bra up, started sucking on her nips, and jerkin off simultaneously. Slipped a hand into her underwear, she was soaked. Kind of rubbed her clit, but got scared and just left my hand on it. Came, held it in the foreskin, got up and walked through a room of 15 hopefully still asleep people as I went to the washroom to drop the load
>>691367653
Fapped to the point of passing out due to dehydration while taking a steam-shower and taking a diarrhetic shit afterwards.
>>691367653
Humped a kids cat that I was babysitting. He caught me doing it, and I never babysat there again.
Not sure if he ever told his mom or if he even remembers.
>picture related
>>691367653
Offered a girl my socks.
>>691375766
it was two years ago
Shared this
So stupid
So drunk
>>691371557
HAHAHA
>>691375844
>it wasn't that bad. i
Hahahaaha, you fucking maniak.
>>691375180
Yes, among other things. I have the full greentext up in the incest thread on /b/ if you want it.
>>691376012
Since you went that far you should show pussy
>>691375815
Is this real? Pretty hot story she probably was awake for most of it if she was wet.
>>691367653
sauce on OPs image plz
>>691367653
Masturbated sitting on the bathroom floor, realized a few minutes later that my SO was watching.
Never been more embarrassed in my life:
>>691376258
wtf why that's your significant other
>>691376204
right-click+S
fell in love with my friends dog for awhile...
the thing used to hump me all the time..
decided to suck its dick..
dog growled and i thought it was going to bite me
it stopped growling and let me.
then everytime i was there the dog would come in the room while i was sleeping on the floor. the dog would usually lick itself loudly while we were sleeping.
it started licking my dick.
mfw my friend woke up and told the dog to shut up while it was licking my dick.
me and that dog had this connection though
we were fucking soul mates
RIP dog.
>>691374273
nobody knows the girl next door. huh
>>691376012
>>691376342
I'm an extremely private person, and something like that is really embarrassing.
I need that time to myself, it felt like a massive invasion of privacy.
Now I only masturbate if I'm entirely sure I'll be home alone for several hours.
>>691376419
...no.
>>691376204
>>691374211
Im white.
There´s not much to say, we where young i said that if she showed me her tits id show her my dick, she said yeah then it scalated to her giving me blowjobs...
But thats all we have never fucked and i have never sucked or fingered her pussy
>>691373176
>Be me, whitefag
>black gf works late at hospital
>I get home and make her garlic steak, one of her favorites
>beat my meat and cum on the steak for "extra tenderizing" before I cook it
>mfw she tells me it's delicious
>I guess worchestershire sauce and cum is a grade-A combo
>>691367653
Oh boy. Married here.
>Out of town for work
>Bought 6.5" dildo and 7" vibrator @ sex shop
>Bought lace thong from walmart (self check out, fuckers!)
>Took pics with stuff up my ass, posted on cl
>Blew some random guy, who tried (and failed) to fuck me. Couldn't stay hard.
>Met up with a 2nd guy, he blew me and I rimmed him. He fucked me but nutted like immediately, mutual JO till I busted on his floor.
>Beat off again to naked pics of his wife.
>>691367653
Sniffed a milfs panties with period blood in em.
>>691368682
That Is fucking amazing i watched it like 30 times. Did he mean to do that?
>>691367653
Never been horny so nothing.
>>691376012
You have decent veins.
>>691376509
im an extremely private person too..
yet everyone found out my deepest and most personal matters...
i have crippling anxiety now
i guess i deserve it for all this shitty things ive done. god the life i could of had...hopefully death will free me from this poor soul..im sorry self..i failed you..just like i said i would...just like i knew i would...
>>691368330
Damn, you savage!
>>691376213
No idea about the sauce, but I have more of that model if you want.
>>691376543
no what faggot?
Let my gf's 12 year old sister play with my dick. My gf and I were 17. Basically let her jack my off whenever we were alone. GF eventually found out, got pissed, but also thought it was hot. Couple days later, she talked her sister into letting me fuck her. Fucked both of them for a year, until I got a job in Texas.
Heard years later that my ex-gf had been busted for letting guys fuck her 8 year old daughter.
>>691376568
07/10 would put dick in.
>>691376568
Surprise OC. Can we get a better nipple shot? they look promising.
>>691376792
Yes, he meant to throw a bottle of what I assume is champagne and have it backfire and hit him in the thigh.
Fucking idiot.
>>691376884
How did anyone even find out? I'm sorry that happened to you dear, but don't wish for death.
Even brought the most unbearable of times there's something beyond that waiting for you, whatever it may be.
felt my sister up,
>On a ski trip with family
>read somehwere that @ around 3am is where human brain is most asleep
>me and sis sleeping basically side by side on diff beds
>At 3 start feeling around
>nice nice good good
>decide its good idea to start trying to pull pants down
>she sat up straighter than my boner
>screamed
>OH SHIT FUCK NO PLZ
>Thought about knocking that bitch out cold
>no balls to do it tho :(
>basically forced to move out
I regret it everyday but still fap to it every night
>>691370655
Your mistake is believing humans are something other than animals, you retarded dickweezel.
>>691377019
>>691370655
We are animals. Slightly more advanced animals, but still animals. Instincts are hard to beat, and they are what keep us going as a species. Not trying to sound edgy here, that's just the way it is.
>>691376205
Yeah it's real Haha. I started playing with her a lot after that, she kind of moved into our place for a bit. One night her bf stayed over, but her and I were snuggled up before he came over so it was like 3 of us laying in a bed. After we fell asleep I put my hand up her shirt and held her tits as I fell asleep, her boyfriend had the same idea. Feels my hand in there rips it out and spazzes on her. I pretend to sleep through the whole thing, she tells him to chill out and that he's just a kid doesn't even know what he's doing, just happened when he fell asleep. I lulled internally
>>691376940
Very nice
>>691377048
lel
Ate out 5 cats
Fingered 6 cats
Sucked off 3 dogs
Ate out 1 dog
Fingered 3 dogs
Fucked 1 male dog in the ass
Fucked my boss's wife
Molested my sisters
Spied on my aunts in the bathroom
Spied on neighbors
Sodomized a dead squirrel with a crow feather
Jerked off at work behind a desk with people right there
Fuck, I can't remember all of it.
>>691375815
>having an aunt 6 years older than you
wat
>>691367653
Agreed to blow my 2 friends.
Got drunk as fuck with them and somehow getting head came up and they told me that if I blew them they'd blow me and I said fuck it.. And of course the second they busted, they backed down from their end of the deal
>>691377283
The final judgement is gonna be awkward
>>691377283
Lies
>>691377114
Those are objectively the best nipples i've seen in a long time.
GG femanon, you didn't disappoint in any way.
>>691377486
>boring life detected
>>691376940
looks like you could use a tongue in there
>>691377014
Arm veins. I can see the medial cubital and radial vein. Of course I would go for a hand stick first and move up. Anyways it'd be easy to stick you if needed.
Told some girl i was hanging out with that i used to fuck i wanted to eat her ass. I was drinking and she said she was down to but didnt got a lil buzzed and told her then after she made me take her home
>>691377283
You left out the various sexual murders you've probly done as well
>>691377283
Also, got hidden video of ex gf's mom pissing and keylogged her PC and stole nudes from her Hotmail.
Spied on a few female coworkers too.
Boss's wife and I have a kid together, BTW... he's 15.
>>691373197
You don't have a ''bf'' cause your sis can suck you dick.. I don't get it are you a girl with a dick or a faggot?
>>691377770
Nah, just pervy shit.
A bunch of stuff
-cum on my face
-go to a gay porn cinema
-swallow my cum
-stick stuff in my ass
-share pics of my gf nude
-had gay sex with a complete stranger that I met online
>>691377661
?
>>691377037
i really cant tell you how much your sympathy means to me right now..
i shake constantly now like some fucking abused animal.
i guess the 2 culprits are technology phones and computers and being to trusting.
i never judged anyone for anything yet now i am the judged.
i guess i did this to myself and thats what hurts the most.
it makes me want to end myself...part of me thinks i did it on purpose so i would have an excuse to end it all. but now that i want to live it feels like cement boots. i guess i should just stop holding my breathe and inhale.
>>691377114
Timestamp and you have done your duty.
>>691377837
this
>>691376012
>>691376568
>>691376940
>>691377114
>>691377538
you must be pretty horny to repeat that 'mistake" :)
After getting really drunk and high at a party me and my friend got this girl naked and felt her up at the same time while we were plastered, we both hate her and instantly regretted it in the morning, i backed out after about ten minutes he actually started making out with her and fingering her for a minute before i stopped him and he thanked me for it
Almost raped my best friend.
She forgave me, thankfully.
Tons but It usually ends with me getting fucked
>>691377572
Haha shit man i'm not femanon, never claimed to be
>>691377870
What exactly happened anon?
People are emotionally devistating creatures sometimes, I'm sorry you ran into the ones that were.
Fooled around with a cousin. She was a bit young at the time, but she knew what was up.
>>691377866
yeah, you need to get tongue fucked asap. looks like I have no choice but to volunteer
>>691377283
And a partridge in a pear tree
I mean damn, anon.
>>691367653
sucked of 4 older men in 2 days (40-60) while on xanax, alcohol and some more.. Didn't remember what I've done before a week later..
Also I tried to fuck a CD (not cross dresser) when I was a child.. didn't work.
Barebacked a black tranny hooker...
>>691378450
how'd that sudden circumcision work for you?
>>691371929
I did that... its was an tale about the girl wandering in my mind. SO MUCH REGREAT. But it wasn't the worst thing i did tho
>>691376669
you're scum
>>691378242
well gg on not being a fag anon
>>691378491
Let's see butthole spread
>>691378391
Lifelong perv.
Got caught a few times, too... took a lot of risks.
Sister woke up once but she acted like nothing happened. Another time, my parents found a hole I put in the bathroom wall from my bedroom. Ex caught me recording her a couple of times.
Worst one though: One day I got super horny for the piss vid I made of my (now ex) gf's mom, so burned a Divx CD and watched it on our bigscreen... my GF lent the DVD player to someone, and I'm positive I forgot the fucking disc in it. Nobody ever said anything, but her mom acted really weird (and horny) toward me after that.
Pretty sure her whole family knows I'm a massive perv.
>>691367653
I tied an eight pound dumbbell to my nuts and jerked off whilst standing up and swinging back and forth
JOIN #ANDERCUNT ON KIK or pm @glassofbleach
>>691377865
-Also show pics pf my girl to my best friend and ask him if he would be down to spitroast her
-and came in my male cousin feet while he was asleep
>put the handle of a hachet in my but
>put a tooth brush in my butt
>sucked my dog dick while churnin creme
>fucked multiple peanut butter tubs
>fucked a tub of mayo then my roomie used it for a sandwitch
>Masturbated in a japanese family's milk jug I exclaimed " thats for pearl harbour"
>>691367653
hit on a black girl
kill me
>>691367653
>Tried to fuck a horse, then realized I was being stupid.
and
>visited a female friend that was on coma
>no one else was in the room
>she was wearing those pieces of clothes for sick people
>move her a little
>could spot a nipple
>got lost in lust
>without thinking it twice I pulled my dick out and started fapping
>her smell was horrible, like is she hasn't shower in days
>but that was making me even more horny
>finally cum
>as I look the cum in my hand the door sounds
>I am paralyzed as fuck
>it was the faggot of my father telling me to get in the fucking robot
>that was the moment I realized my friend was a younger cloned version of my mother and that I should have piloted unit EVA unit01
>>691376792
welcome newfag
>>691367653
Nice body but obvious fake tits
Escort. Not worth it. Still feel like shit.
>>691367653
Stuck the toilet paper roll holder up my ass. Then lost it, had to ram my whole hand up my ass to fish it out. BTW, this was the first time I had ever jammed anything up my ass. Was sore for the next few days. I was so fucking scared.
>>691371920
Dad?
>>691367653
I jerked off in my 14 year old stepdaughter's underwear.
In b4 molesting stepdaughter. . I'm not nor will i.
I work from home 50% of the tine, I do laundry (not fold) during the day. I forget which basket out of 4 is clean or dirty. Go through a basket...start smelling items. 3rd item is panties.. and they smell like pussy. Insta-boner. I jerk off into panties. Wife and stepdaughter arrive home just as the load with her cum-stained panties goes into the wassher. Dodged a bullet.
>>691379441
amazing
>>691372746
poop mask :>)
>>691379086
Nope
GF and her parents went away for 2 weeks.
I went no-fap so I could fuck the ass right off her and drown her in cum when she got back. I succeeded, but went insane in the process... shaved my body, started wearing her underwear and putting things in my ass.
>pic related
>>691378244
>Dad died suddenly while i was very young...'
>I was a normal kid up until that point
>Right before he died i met this person who i >thought was literally me but 10 years older
>told him everything about myself
>he exploited my weaknesses
>i moved in with him...he abused me for several years
>finally woke up and realized what was happening and kicked him out of my life
>he freaked out and tried killing me like he said i would if i betrayed him or tried leaving
>i ended up in court defending my actions
>he went around and told everyone my secrets
>also everyone and i do mean everyone found out i became this dudes bitch...
>i had a reputation for being cool
>not anymore
>pick up the pieces and move on
>people would give me some shit but life is tolerable
>daddy issues come back
>look for a dad in all the wrong places
>start texting a guy taking pictures
>go to a friends house to smoke and chill
>forgot phone on table
>come out to everyone looking at me like im crazy
>they dont want to hang out with me anymore
>they were all i had after my dad died
im starting to cry so i guess story ends here for now
its much worse then it sounds...much worse
i drive down the highway and people point and laugh.
Fucked a dude my dad's age in his wifes clothes.
You know what I've done worse.
Let a dude cum in my daughters panties.
Drove to a dude's house so I could fuck his realdoll.
Fucked a batch of dough at a pizza place.
There's more.
I once stuffed an entire sock into my ass with no lube. It hurt like shit coming out and immediately made me lose my boner and my dignity
>>691379764
My virgin bumhole.
>>691367718
This feels amazing.
Only problem is the preperation.
>>691372746
I don't know. That picture seems to be full of shit
>>691369407
Meh, my sister is 2 years younger...we did everything but fuck. Neither one of wanted to lose our virginity to each other.
>>691367718
nigger detected
>>691379354
>>Masturbated in a japanese family's milk jug I exclaimed " thats for pearl harbour"
>>691375584
there isnt, there is only a phrase that is "loosely translated" as saying masturbating is bad
"it is better for your seed to be in the belly of a whore than to be on the ground" which in all honesty could just be saying you shouldnt pull out
people just say it is a sin because it sounds fun to say things are a sin
plus all the most religious people I have known are the most furious masturbators with the most fucked up shit and generally the biggest sluts
>>691367653
I believe the model is Zashia Santiago
>>691376213
>>691376942
>>691370421
God damn are you me?
>>691379441
>>she was wearing those pieces of clothes for sick people
a patient gown you ignorant fuck
>>691367653
>Was at my girlfriends house -way- past my curfew (I was 14).
>My Dad shows up to take me home
>Thought I was man enough to tell my Dad, who wore a size 15 (!) wedding ring, "No, I'm staying here."
My father reached through the screen of a closed and locked storm door and pulled me out of my GF's house, stuffed me in the back seat of the family car, drove home and dragged me into the house where only my mother prevented me from getting an epic beating from my very angry father.
That was the LAST time I ever said "No" to my father.
>be 12
>meet cute grill
>apparently we related somehow, whatev
>make out
>finger her
Years later, looking back, I remembered her as my cousin. Then I really actually pieced the relations together (long story) and realized she's my niece, even though she's older.
>TFW you realize you're uncle perv
>>691379886
fucked a batch of dough at a pizza place? either you're that guy from reddit in r/sex, or you're lying, you're lying, fag
>>691379441
10/10
>>691379991
Underrated post
>>691380351
nope used to be a manager at godafthers pizza, could only fuck the "golden" dough, not the regular. It was softer.
>>691377678
Look at this phuckin flebotomist.
Good job, anon.
>mfw I assess peoples veins and they have no idea.
>>691380351
fuck back off to reddit
>>691379778
mfw nobody cares...
thanks for nothing faggots...
look for me on the news
i did it before...
got in a high speed chase
but nobody cares...
time to wash my mouth out with buckshot
>>691373140
you for real are a straight up deviant psychopath.
>>691380829
Carry on, Anon.
>>691376844
wtf? he isnt even in the pic
>>691380616
muh nig
>>691380616
>>691377283
>Sodomized a dead squirrel with a crow feather
>>691380829
>expecting pity here
it's not uncommon to get it, but expecting it and whining when you DON'T get it are surefire ways to take anyone who MIGHT care right back over to the other side
if you jump off a tall building, do an extra flip for me
>>691367653
Jerked off on my gf's 19 year old niece while she was asleep.
Fell into a trap set by a fake cam girl and lost 300$
>>691381357
what ever bruh i dont really give a shit
this is therapy for me
i dont really give a fuck what people say anymore
remember this on your deathbed faggot.
>>691376669
kill yourself.
>>691381600
>>691381022
We're both dubbers.
Tell me your story, Anon.
>>691381600
>remember this on your deathbed faggot.
lucky if i remember it tomorrow
>>691367653
Not the stupidest thing ever. But I jerked off while smelling my mom's used tampon. I then proceeded to cum on it and toss it back in the trash.
>>691381707
pretty much im a giant faggot and dont want to be
muh life
muh feeling
muh nobody care
muh wanting people to care
muh not really caring though
i appreciate the real human beings here you know who you are
>>691381752
like i said faggot..you will remember this on your deathbed.
>>691382061
Kill yourself on webcam then
>>691378920
nevah
>>691381752
See, I look at this picture, and all I can think is "Nice catch, blanco nino. But too bad your ass got saaaaaaacked."
>>691371065
This reminds me. Cored an apple. Liked the feel. Microwaved it.
Way too long. Thought I burned myself. Healed quick.
>>691367653
idc bout thread. but that's one of the sexiest bodies I've seen
>>691367653
once in a while my wife invites her friend over to go swimming. I stay inside and chill, its like 114F outside. fuck that shit. anyway, need to piss. go to bathroom and notice her panties sitting on my sink. (we have a his and hers sink) Notice the large amount of grool slowly drying on them. get idea. masturbate furiously and line the center of the gusset with my seed. wipe off excess, looks no different from before. They both come back about an hour later. they shower (girls just shower together and no one bats an eye I guess). friend comes back out with clothes that were on the sink. Diamonds again knowing my jizz is on her pussy.
>>691369407
I've done this as well, but everything came out bad end.
>>691382373
lol ive actually seriously considered it many times
the sweden kid hanging himself always replays in my mind
like how he really slammed himself down on that chord cause he just needed to escape his body so badly
how his arm instinctively rose towards his neck to help himself but he fought that instinct away.
trust me when the time comes i will deliver.
As of right now posting these preggo pics is
>>691378491
>>691371557
sex and anger are processed next to each other in the brain
>>691382997
can confirm
>>691382536
Here, have some more.
>>691375583
>keep in in my pants in the front all day
I know that move. Done that one. Fucking hilarious.
>>691372559
God why
