ITT: we share our most embarrassing/autism stories, I'll
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: we share our most embarrassing/autism stories, I'll begin:
>be me, 9 years old
>saw a couple making out in a movie
>ask my mom about it
>she says people do that to who they share a very special bond
>on that very afternoon, it was my cousin's birthday
>she was my best friend for years
>i call the whole family table to watch as i show my gratitude
>made out with my cousin in front of everyone and smiled to my mom
>"we have a very special bond"
You guys turn
>>690661814
holy shit im hungry dude keep this thread alive ill be back with food
>>690661814
>i fucked my mom
bumping
>>690661814
>"we have a very special bond"
>>690662129
care to give us a backstory to this?
HERE IT GOES, BITCHES
>middle fucking school
>cutie in band class with me
>she plays the flute, bout to play the skin flute
>ask her out
>she complies
>loving life
>but her mom is a cunt and wont let us alone
>BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA DOT JAYPEGG
>call gf
>tell her I love her and blah blah bullshit
>ask to talk to her mom
>she doesnt understand but agrees
>mom gets on phone
>profess my feelings for gf to her mother
>incoming atomic bomb of spaghetti
>tell her MOTHER that I dont plan to do anything physical with her daughter but I have CONDOMS just in case WE DO
>BIG FUCKING MISTAKE
>she gets in a world of trouble
>her dad flips the fuck out
>she is grounded forever because of me
>never talked to her again
>become MASSIVE emo faggot for two years
>>690661814
>>690662487
>>690662464
no. not really
>>690662945
What more is there?
>be me
>have mom
>fuck her
>>690662945
will you do it anyway?
>>690662487
what were you expecting bro?
>>690661814
Storytime
>Be me, around 13 years old.
>In school, the class are all being noisy fags except me
>Teacher brings in a guest
>I don't remember what the guest said but it had something to do with the internet
>Class is sent on a task to post a picture of ice cream on an image board
>Basically, 4chan but for underage faggots like me at the time.
>Class isn't taking any of this shit
>One guy in the class posts Thomas the Tank Engine
>The Class then erupts the board with memes
>Next day, the class gets shouted at.
That is my first time on an image board before 4chan. Not that embarrassing or that autistic but it makes me kek every time
>>690663174
I was expecting what any retarded 13 year old expects....pussy.
>>690662945
>>690663063
can you tell us how you came about getting into your mothers pants?
can you post a pic of your mom?
can you tell us what exactly made you want to fuck your own damn mother???
>>690663364
I'm not the actual mom guy, was just giving a short synopsis of what probably happened.
>>690663274
Literal autists the people that thought that they could leave an imageboard to 13 year olds.
>>690663274
???
OP here again, this one is more autism related
>my first crush said she liked brave men
>thisismytimetoshine.exe
>challenge myself to ride my bike down the street blindfolded to show her i'm really brave
>friends come to watch
>moment of truth
>bike surpasses the sound barrier
>not seeing it really but feeling a lot o air to my face
>smash front wheel to a bystander foot
>i fall obviously
>get a broken nose
>almost get a beating by the guy i had almost amputed his feet
>crush laughed
fucking girls
>>690664105
damn not even an otphj out of the situation? weak
#Iwasborn
>>690663274
>4chan but for underage faggots
so... 4chan.
>>690664105
Well, she said brave not retarded.
>>690665051
I mean he is underage obviously. I didn't have memes in my school when I was 13
>>690665740
>>hot
nice meme
>>690665087
it seemed like a great fucking idea in my head
>>690661814
bump.
>>690663274
Underage summer fag. Ban this nigga.
>be youngling
>have thing for nipples wanting to constantly touch em
>hand down mom's shirt while watching tv was perfectly normal
>while sleeping hands would seek out nipples to pinch
>no one is safe
>not my mom, my dad, nor our pet dog
>sleepover at aunt
>she has daughters
>sleeping next to aunt
>woke up with hand on her breast
>sleeping next to one of cousins
>wake up alone on sofa outside cousin's locked room
I'm not proud of this
>>690667008
>no one is safe
top fucking kek
>>690664105
That is not brave that is stupid. Kek. But then again all of us are autists
>high with friend on weekend
>he's on insta showing me a girl he has a crush on
>likes one of her pics from 47 weeks ago
>we somehow convince each other that you can't unlike a photo
>he messages her and says that he didnt mean to like her photo and that he didn't want to have sex with her we both thought this was a great idea
>an hour or so passes and it's wore off and she messages him and says "what the fucks wrong with you anon"
he had to block her I swear I laughed the entire day
>>690666380
I remember this one. Lol
>>690661814
>2nd grade
>math class about to end
>suddenly feel a fart coming
>try to make it as silent as possible
>it was a shart
>freeze in horror
>whole class starts smelling it and quietly asking each other who farted
>class ends
>run like crazy to the nearest bathroom
>big shitstain on my pants
>stay there and wait till a teacher comes in
>ask for help
>he brings me a towel, some spare PE clothes and tells me to go to the showers, this bathroom didn't have any
>would take me about 20 seconds of running to get there
>run
>everyone sees me and the big brown stain in my pants
18 years later I still get called doodoo dave.
thread is not kill yet, bumping
I've read all the stories about times where people have responded "You too" in situations where it isn't a correct response.
It finally happened to me a few weeks ago
>On vacation in Washington state
>There for 12 days
>Final day, arrive at the airport to leave
>Go to check in
>A guy is helping me check in
>Checks my bag and gives me my flight tickets
>Explains how I need to change flights here and here and recheck my bags
>Wishes me a good flight
>"You too"
I caught what I said immediately.
>>690667836
>doodoo dave
my sides,where are they ?
>>690661814
got kicked out of tesco for being sexist a few days ago
>>690667836
:(
>>690668216
story?
>>690667568
see kids, that's why we dont use drugs
>>690668453
got kicked out of tesco for being sexist
>>690668453
He was being sexist.
>>690668756
i was being sexist
>>690668453
Sexist, he was being it.
>>690668865
in tesco?
>>690668992
yea tesco
>9 years old or so
>go to a classmate's house over the weekend to play PS1 with him
>one thing led to the other and basically we rubbed our dicks with each other
>back then I believed that not confessing a deadly sin (lust) would mean that I'd go to hell when I died
>confess to the school's reverend the next day
>he has his hand up his chin and goes ''...uhuh''
>classmate moves to another state later that year
>have deathly fear that the reverend might have told anyone since
>>690669147
I don't follow whats sexist about tesco???
>>690668453
He's a white male and left the house
>>690669807
i guess most of us have a weird sex experience when we were kids
i used to visit my friend, we would watch porn and fap each other... not proud of it but oh well
>>690670666
satan is a feminist
>be 11
>first discover masturbation
>cousin of same age also discovers it at about the same time
>ff to family party
>we go up to my room
>i show him my playboys i stole from mi padre
>we both jerk off in the same room at the same time, looking at the same playboy magazine
>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time
>>690671122
>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time
so he could have told someone about it?
>be in school
>worst class the school had ever seen
>have assistant for a day or so
>assistant is a 9/10 asian babe
>class being nasty asking all kinds of sexual stuff
>suddenly breaks down letting us ask her one question each
>wtf.jackpot
>students gather around a single table to discuss the important matters at hand
>what do we ask?
>write on tiny notes to stay "anonymous"
>moment of truth
>reading our notes one by one she shares her secrets with us
>class over, we learnt about her dildo and sexlife
>following day all our parents are to be informed
>i attempt to bribe our teacher with my lunchmoney
>failed
>on my way home i plan my suicide so that my parents cant kill me
>asian step in had to step out and we never saw her again
>>690670686
Thats pretty gay
I have a similad story about 2 friends of mine.
They were 12 or 13 and both hang out and sit on the couch together and jerk off and laugh about it when they came on their hands and would say "SPIDERMAN" and continue laughing about it hysterically
>be 10-11
>me and my friend are on summer break
>when it hits night time we both get blankets and cover our self's up to jerk off on family pc
>watching a video of a redhead
>the video is so fucking funny cant stop laughing
>wake mom up she just ask what were doing
>we say nothing and she leaves
>go to bed
>>690663274
I vehemently desire death
>>690672272
>i attempt to bribe our teacher with my lunchmoney
>>690671579
it was 7 years ago i doubt he remembers it. he's pretty fucking stupid
>>690671999
Nice trips
>>690661814
>be me, 7
>at neighbours house because they're nice people
>have to shit
>don't like shitting in other people's houses
>it's starting to turtle
>ohshit.tiff
>huge log of shit in my underwear
>quickly say goodbye to ancient old man and old woman who smells of shit as well
>waddle across the street back home
>don't tell mom
>clean out shit log
>put on new undies
>pretend like it didn't happen
I could go on about stories like this. I had a bad problem with shitting my pants. I would find skid marks in my tighty whities until I was 10. Sometimes when I was younger and not as embarrassed by it, it would dry and scrape off into what I called "poop pellets"
Looking back I wish I drank Windex.
>Be 13 year old faggot
>Lunch break
>Crush saying how she likes guys who break rules
>nowsmychance.gif
>reach into bag and pull out apple sauce container
>throw sauce at principal's window
>feel like the fucking man
"Anon, are you fucking retarted?"
I was called sauce boy for the next 4 years
>>690673079
Shut up, sauce boy.
>>690673021
you deserve to shit your pants until the end of fucking time for still wearing tighty whities at 10 years old
>>690663274
This is all literally made up. There's no such thing as a teacher teaching their students how to post on image boards you retarded fucking nigger.
>>690673021
Moar!!
Lmao
>>690669807
Religion, not even once
>>690661814
>Be eight and apparently retarded
>Older cousin promised to take me and little sister swimming
>We pack our shit and get ready to go
>Little sister ended up not coming
>Think she got invited to go skating or some shit
>I say whatever and go with my cousin
>vroom vroom because he's sixteen
>Pay our way in and go to the locker room
>He tells me to undress and put my clothes in our locker
>I go full naked because I'm not ashamed of my body yet
>Lock my shit up with his and he leaves
>I go to shower before I change and get in the pool
>Actually following the rules
>I shower in a stall and look into my bag
>oh shit nigger
>Apparently I was responsible for packing my own trunks
>Only thing in bag is sunscreen and my sisters bikini
>She was three years younger but it was a two piece
>I freak out, can't go outside nude
>(There are girls out there)
>Look around for cousin but can't find him
>decide to embrace my inner granny
>Put on sisters bikini bottom
>awkwardly tie the sides
>Walk out into park
>probably obviously a boy
>Try covering myself at first but I can't find my cousin
>Decide to just act natural and swim
>Life guard calls me out of the water
>He talks to me, I'm spooked
>I piss myself but hope he doesn't notice
>I ignore the obvious issue and he takes me to the locker room
>Asks if he can fix it
>I'm a retard and ???
>He takes that as a yes and undoes my bikini, then retightens it
>I say thanks and run away
>Continue to be retarded around people
>Cousin eventually sees me and says what the fuck
>carriers me to the locker room and tells me to take it off
>I'm crying and it's tight so he has to do it for me
>He unlocks our shit and dresses me
>Ended up leaving early
>Never went back
I dunno what else I could have done, but this is my most cringe experience.
>>690672353
>2 friends of mine
Own up to your homoerotic experience, fagit
>be 12 years old badboy wannabe
>had to leave my old school because of parents wanting a better future for their child
>fuck this i want my friends
>first day in class
>maybe if i make small talk to the prettiest girl, she'd show me around
>approuch her like a alpha
>fail miserably
>forget the plan, if i make fun of her everybody will laugh and i'll be the funny guy
>she doesnt like it
>slaps me HARD across the face
>be known as the guy who got slapped by anon for 2 months
after this my teacher made me apologize, and i got plenty of friends tho, the girl who slapped me inclused
>>690669147
Not Asda?
>>690666380
You can see the image decaying from how old this is.
>be 15
>I went to my aunts house for summer and shit
>she though i was a little bit fat so she started giving me vegetarian food and shit that makes me fart a lot
>next week or so
>i met this 10/10 girl at the beach
>we start flirting and shit
>man life's so good
>she says "hey anon, you could come to a party tonight , it will be cool and shit"
>i prepare for the party
>aunt asks me if i will drink alcohol
>i say yes
>she says, then u should eat something so u can drink more without dying
>i love u
>i am at the party
>i say hello and i start talking to people
>the 10/10 girls arrives
>hi anon
>a guy says, ok guys now we will play something
>we play thruth or dare or some shit like that with alcohol
>everybody is quiet as fuck
>my stomach begins to make weird songs
>i try to ignore it
>fucking vegetarian food, its becoming louder
>shit
>everybody is staring at me
>it sounds like a fart, but im not farting
>she's looking at me
>they all ignore me that night
>>690667568
Dying
>>690674327
Digital images actually decay?
>>690674037
Why would I lie?
The gayest thing ive ever done is touch dicks with my buddy when we were 10ish
>>690674644
Tough luck bro
>Be me, in like 3rd grade
>Reading class or whatever they called it
>Teacher is notorious for being really strict and downright mean sometimes
>On this particular day, the teacher has decided that we'll take turns about reading some boring story out loud
>I have to shit pretty bad
>Ask teacher if I can go, she says no since I haven't read aloud yet, guess she thought I was trying to get out of it even though I was one of the best readers in the class
>Whatever, take my turn reading while holding in my shit
>Very next kid is reading on like a preschool reading level, he has to take like 30 seconds sounding out each word
>Fuck this, I have to shit REALLY bad now, ask the teacher again if I can go
>She says not until everyone is done reading
>HereItComes.log
>Tactically shit my pants in class because the teacher wouldn't let me go
>Mom gets called, she has to bring me pants and underwear
>Somehow everyone seemed to have forgotten about it or something, never got called names or anything
>>690674716
Re-encoding JPEGs reduces image fidelity.
>>690673496
>>690673021
>be me, 5 or 6
>cool cousin Nathan is drivin me home from grandma's
>he has a truck and his brother is in with him (my other cousin)
>cousin's brother says somethin stupid, cousin smacks him and he cries like a bitch
>kek
>anyway
>half way home I shit myself
>fucking hell
>don't say anything
>go home
>overhear cousin say "I think he might have...pooped himself?" to mom
>goddamnit.png
>mom takes me to my room
>literally fucking cleans me up and makes me put on a pull-up
This was by far the worst.
>>690672272
what grade anon?
>>690675290
Explains why all my old pics are looking worse than i remember them being
>>690661814
Not autistic or embarrassing, but still felt the need to post it. Will post autistic story later on (I have more than a few, this story is one of my only successes)
>be me
>late elementary school
>middle of lunch period
>suddenly have to shit really bad
>get up and run to the bathroom as fast as I can
>enter bathroom
>sign on stall door
>"out of order"
>made last minute decision to shit in urinal
>remember that the school installed cameras in the hallways
>ohfuck.png
>tard kid name Jeffery walks in out of nowhere
>expect his handler to walk in with him any second
>butterfliesinstomach.png
>after few seconds, realize handler nowhere to be seen
>Jeffrey walks past me, and starts pissing in the urinal next to me, completely unfazed by the shit next to him
>get brilliant idea
>run to principles office
>tell secretaries that I was in the bathroom peeing, when Jeffrey walked in and started shitting in urinal
>tell them he was still in there when I left
>walk back to bathroom with secretary
>Jeffrey is still there, staring at the mirror
>secretary see's urinal shit and gags
>grabs Jeffrey and hauls him down to office
>mfw Jeffrey was seen with a new wrangler afterwards
>mfw i got away
>Be me
>8 or 9 years
> middle of class sitting behind girl I like
>she is wearing a pony tail
>I begging rubbing it
>tap her shoulder and say
"Do you feel when I touch your tail?"
>keep in mind that tail also means butt in my country
>she slaps me
>all class sees
>friend sitting next to me begins to laugh
>Didn't comprehend what happened after 3 weeks.
>>690674716
As people screenshot it and share it and more people screenshot and share the quality won't be as high
>be me
>be in kindergarten
>art class
>art teacher was a total bitch
>had to take a piss really badly
>raised my hand to ask to go to the restroom
>she downright ignores me
>illshowyou.png
>unleash all of my bladder into the chair I'm sitting in
>went rest of the day in soaked shorts
>never told anyone
>never saw that teacher again
>never got in trouble
>mfw
>>690675594
PNGs are the way to go but no one fucking uses them.
>>690667922
i work as a valet/bellman at a hotel and i bait people all the time with "have a great stay". the amount of "you too. errr... uhhhh...." is hilarious
>>690675352
Dont remember exactly, maybe 7th or 8th
>6th grade, move states and schools
>Everyone has PE class every day
>Middle school in FL so it's hot as fuck
>Boys uniform is green ball shorts and grey shirt
>Girl's uniform is grey short-shorts and grey shirt
>Mom fucks up when she buys my uniform or something, gets me a boy's shirt but girl's shorts
>Apparently doesn't realize until too late
>I have to wear this for the entire school year now because my mom won't take the shorts back and exchange them, apparently she didn't see the problem here
>Forced to wear booty shorts in front of my entire class every day for the entire school year
>Pretty sure people talked behind my back, but never to my face about it
Felt and probably looked extremely awkward the entire time
>>690675302
I was bladder incontinent until I was almost ten if it makes you feel any better. Always wore diapers because pissing myself wasn't a great alternative.
>>690673894
You poor dumbass.
10/10 made me feel
>>690675795
WAT
>>690662487
Niice
>>690675795
My mom did the same thing when she was in like first grade, but instead of her own chair she waited until the teacher left the room and pissed in the teacher's chair.
>>690675767
>not autistic
>shit in urinal
kek
great story anon, keep'em coming
>>690675767
You cunt.
>>690673079
you'd be useful to some anons needing sauce
>>690675780
>Cola
>>690676231
It makes me feel a bit better. I wore pull ups at night until about 9 or 10 as well because I kept shitting myself. Was not fun.
>>690676487
It was either that or shit myself. Between the two, the urinal was the safest option
currently typing up one of my failures, this one also involves shit
>>690676520
sorry.
>Be me, first or second grade
>Friends all decide to play house on recess
>Best friend is the dad and I'm the son (both of us guys)
>Blah blah blah, don't remember what happened, end up kissing him on the cheek but not in a romantic way or something
>Somehow the teachers find out, guess they saw us, called our parents
>Questioned by mom that evening, she thought I was gay or some shit I guess
>I wasn't, it was innocent, we were kids playing imaginary games
>Tell her what happened, she believed me, nobody ever spoke about it again
>Stayed friends with him all through school until I moved away
>Be antisocial 13 year old me during class
>Sitting in a corner listening to music in my cellphone with group of girls near me
>slightly singing
>suddenly let out the Loudest fart I've ever had
>even with the earphones I could hear it
>girls laugh quietly
>endmylife.jpeg
>didn't show up for school next day.
>>690663274
Was this last week?
At my friends house for birthday/sleepover. Two of my friends decide to sleep next to each other shirtless on a bed. I'm like hael nah. All of us 15 at the time. So I see shirts fly off then one of them took of their pants and said, "I'm a Sasquatch hunter". Starts half nude wrestling on the bed. Really awkward for me sleeping on the floor beside the bed. I tell them if they fall on me I'm beating the shit out of them. One falls. I punch the shit out of them and they crawl back to the bed. It was like that for hours I locked myself in the bathroom and slept in the tub.
>>690661814
Is nine the most autistic age? When I was nine, my older cousin told me that I was secretly a werewolf and I'd look like one to others of I went around nude on a full moon. I did it for months in front of family and friends. Always ended up spanked and sent to my room. I remember howling when my dad whipped my ass, so it's a wonder he didn't mercy kill me.
>>690670686
Am I the only one who wasn't a faggot as a child? Or now
How about this one
>be me, about 9
>go to cousin's for pool fun
>playing in swimming pool
>somehow start pretending we're meditating
>for some godforsaken reason I thought it was called masturbating
>mom asks what game we're playing
>I show her
>"we're masturbating mom!"
>go home immediately
>don't see cousins for another year afterwards
>>690677973
So did they fugg? :DDD
>>690662487
/thread
>>690667836
>doodoodave
>>690676487
Here's the next story
>be me
>4th grade
>doing class art project
>drawing pictures when the urge to shit hits me
>feels like a solid one, figure I can hold it in
>suddenly, qt3.14 crush walks up to me and starts talking about how good a drawer I am
>feel turtle head popping out, but don't want to walk away from crush
>just smile and nod hoping she walks away when she realized the conversation isn't going anywhere
>suddenly, feel a plop in my underwere
>fuckme.png
>feel the shit nugget roll down my pant leg
>plops on the floor next to my shoe
>figure if I put my shoe over it she wont see
>quickly stamp foot down onto turd
>she looks down
>see's shit protruding from shoe
>herecomesthesmell.png
>she screams
>whole class looks up at me
>usain bolt out of classroom
>hide out in the bushes in the playground
>mfw the school had to call my mom from work to coax me out of the bushes
>14 years old beta anon
>had a crush who liked me back
>bestfellingintheworld.rar
>some jealous fag who was in love with her for ages tells the whole school i wanted to fuck her in the bathroom stall
>and people fucking believed!
>it's ok, i can still take control of the situation
>valentines day comes around
>i bought her flowers and told her i never meant any of those things people were saying
>she looks me dead in the eye and says
>"i'll always love you as a friend"
>come downs the stairs holding back tears
not even my friends would be there to support me
>in the same day, i was known as the Rose Boy
>fuckthisgayearth.webm
this name stuck with me for 2 whole years, later i even got some girl to make out with me for pure pity, but i can live with that
>>690678589
They weren't your friends man, fuck em, this has never happened to me, but I feel you anon
>>690678543
oh shit man, literally...
i felt genuinely bad for you now, thanks for sharing
>>690662487
it was a test, you didn't actually love her and didn't try and say fuck it and see her again anyway. If you had really loved her you would have showed up and let the father yell at you until he passed out. Parents saw your bluff and raised, you folded.
>>690677158
I feel you man, it was so bad for me that my whole family knew about it and kept mocking it
>Be me
>about 7
>go to cousins house
>he's like 16
>we're put on front porch, and for some reason a pair of his socks are rolled up together, kinda looks like a short, fat, fuzzy snake
>I ask what it is
>cousin says its asleep, it only wakes up at night
>says it waits at the foot of the bed and eats your feet and legs while you're asleep
>freaked out
>later that night
>Aunt tucking me in
>Ask her to check the bottom of the bed
>she takes the covers off
>it's there
>I scream
>like a lot
>I scream bloody fucking murder, I'm so loud, at this literal pair of tube socks
>aunt takes it tears them apart, revealing it to be two socks
>Sleep with legs curled up to this day
>>690677140
kek
>>690667836
lol! im lolling at YOU!
>>690679341
That sound traumatic
>>690661814
Why are you people all so fucking gay? I don't get it. Why the fuck are so many of these stories about "that one time me and my guy friend sucked each other off" or "that time my bro and i watched porn and jacked off together"
Seriously what the fuck.
>>690678942
thanks man, it means a lot. i stopped seeing those assholes long time ago, but this story will always be with me, i guess i kind of like it in the end. Builds character you know...
>>690669807
NOW IT YOU IM LOLLINGAT FAGGOT
>>690672272
would probably be a pretty good story if you werent illiterate. im not lolling
>>690673021
this is why i drink until i cant remember childhood. you get one half lol atcha
>i called poop pellets
>>690679234
here's more, since you seem to like them
>be me
>10th grade
>sitting in french class
>teacher was mildly attractive in hindsight, which means instant boner material to a teenager
>have to do a 2 minute oral presentation in french on any subject we want
>project due at the end of may
>due date comes, weather is hot as fuck
>teacher is in a tank top, and jean shorts
>instantboner.png
>whythefuckdidiweartrackpantstoday.png
>as luck has it, I'm first to go
>walk up to front of class, boner is extremely obvious
>everyone is wispering, chads in front of class snicker
>teacher notices my embarrassment, and asks if I was too nervous and would like to do my presentation later
>try to play it off with a joke
>"how about I present my other, bigger project to you later, if you know what I mean"
>whole class is speechless, including teacher
>got a referral, and threatened with suspension
>ended up getting a C- on the actual project
>mfw
>be me
>7th grade
>have to shit badly
>go to bathroom
>get done shitting
>find out toilet doesn't flush
>fuckme.jpg
>i don't want to just leave shit in the toilet
>thinks of awesome idea to pick it out of the toilet and put it in the stall right next to mine
>start walking out
>bout half way when someone walks in
>I freeze for 3 seconds
>throw shit at mirror and run
>get called down to principals office
>get made to help clean the shit off the mirror with the janitor
>get suspended for 2 days
>mfw
>>690661814
this is more of an asshole moment, but it's still pretty autistic
>be me, i think 9yo. can't remember
>is an atheist
>grandma took me to church
>tried fanning myself but it was like fuckin 190 degrees
>boring as shit bible speech or something
>whips out dsi
>ds was muted
>maxed out volume
>(in my head) "hurr listen to this fam"
>music was loud as shit
>everyone stared at me
>silence
>old woman told me to stfu
>"how bout you stfu"
>kicked out
>>690673894
im lolling softly at you with tears welling in my eyes
>be in 1st grade
>it's winter so we have to stay inside for recess
>there is this SpongeBob computer game everybody loves to play
>I'm waiting in line for my turn
>watch the girl play as squidward
>suddenly don't feel too great
>oh no
>gonna puke
>must be the yogurt I had for lunch
>don't know where to puke so I just decide to stand there
>vomit on the keyboard and her hands
>vomit everywhere
>"HE PUKED ON MY HANDS"
>teacher takes me to nurse
>get sent home
>the next few days nobody can play on the computer because no keyboard
>girl I threw up on won't talk to me
Thankfully I had completely new classmates in the 2nd grade so they never knew of this.
>>690675989
dumb faggot, you should have just owned it
>In tenth grade I bought this shirt with my own money
>>690667836
TOP KEK
>>690675989
now YOURE THE ONE IM LOLINAT AHAHAHAHAH
>>690680904
>bigger project
You just can't stop, can you ?
this takes me back to when i was in high school
>random raging boner like any teenager
>fuck, i have to go pee
>boner slowly decreases
>guess i can hide it now
>fuckingnope.jpeg
>as soon as i get up a douchebag starts to laugh really loud and i become the center of attention of the class
>fuck this
>sits again
>dork laughs the whole day
>i never felt in so much need to piss in my live
at least no one other than him notice my boner
>>690678246
loal. youre the one that i loal at.
>>690678088
Fucking crying
Holy shit
>>690667568
Fucking newfags.
>be nikki sixx
>have radio show
>talk in a faggy voice about old people problems and what movies make me cry
>Be around 10
>Discover masturbation
>Never actually came but sort of tugged it
>Get some sort of movie that has nudity in it
>That'sATiddy.mp4
>Start masturbating
>feelgood.jpeg
>Continue masturbating
>"Why is my peepee feeling funny" I ask
>Proceed to cum
>Ohshit.jpeg
>I had never came before so this shocked me
>I get nervous and think that I can not pee ever again
>Learned in science that if you can't pee you can die
>Flip out
>Run to parents room asking them why I peed white
>Mfw that was the night I also had the sex talk
>>690678088
Fucking kek
>>690682004
I have a tendency to make awkward situations even more so, as exemplified with the next story
>be me
>summer after grade 9
>boy scout camping trip
>new kid named Nigel joined us
>canoeing across lake, partnered with Nigel
>dude is really quiet, while everyone else in their canoe is laughing and having a good time
>try to break the ice with a mean-spirited joke
>"so, did your mommy give you that stupid purple jacket?"
>Nigel says nothing, continue paddling
>dock on other side of lake, Nigel gets out of boat and starts to tear up
>scout leader notices and walks over, asks whats wrong, he starts whispering something
>scout leader calls me over
>turns out Nigel's mom physically and sexually abused him as a kid
>Nigel never spoke to me afterwards
>mfw
>>690678543
i lolled at you as well.
because you needed coaxed out of bushes. lolled more in this thread than any in 7 years. greentext all day erry dau fuck screencaps and memes
>>690682004
I never got why its funny to see someone's dick or boner. I think its awkward and embarrassing for both people. In grade 11 i was in math class and saw the guy a few seats next to me readjusting his boner around. I just looked away and felt awkward.
>>690680906
>mfw
what
>>690683054
fuck Nikki Sixx, his shitty radio show plays every night on my local radio stations and I am in the middle of nowhere New Brunswick Canada.
The details are hazy and I am not a good storyteller but here goes, I was in first grade and we were on a school bus going to some shitty field trip. I was sitting in a seat alone and there were two of my male friends I knew sitting a seat behind me (let's call them Bob and Jerry). Since we were bored we decided to play truth or dare (it mostly consisted of dares). The dares slowly got worse and worse until me being a perverted fuck that I was, dared Bob to suck Jerry off, I believed they wouldn't do it. They accepted, I see Jerry unzipping his pants and getting his dick out, I stare in awe as Bob leans over and sucks Jerry off. Bob stops after a while afraid to get caught, nobody has realized somebody is being sucked off in the bus. Bob continues this routine until we get to our destination. We got off the bus and they acted like nothing happened. mfw this guy got sucked off in first grade.
>>690683416
My mom abused me too. Thanks for the reminder, faggot...
>Be me, 8th grade
>13 yr old betafag
>New girl transfers in.
>Emo, solid 8/10. Remained 8/10 throughout high school.
> I fall hard for this girl.
>Beginning of school-year field day rolls around.
>Get split into these gay "students for students" groups.
>She gets put in my group.
>score.jpg
>Play volleyball together.
>Finally work up the nerve to talk to her.
>"Hi, my name's Anon, do you like Mincraft?"
>endmysuffering.jpg
>Turns out she actually DOES like minecraft.
>I really hit it off with this girl.
>Become really good friends, but never get the courage to tell her how I feel.
>This goes on until summer begins.
>Lose contact
>Come back to school next year.
>shittyfreshman.jpg
>Mfw She's dating my best friend, and has been since about the second week of summer.
>Mfw it lasts for three years
I still believe that it could have been me, if I wasn't such a cuck.
>>690680904
not autistic. alpha. no lols, but jaw did drop. well my inner jaw dropped.
>>690667922
>>690675926
wtf is wrong with saying you too. Just laugh it off or own it
>green text
Got awesome job
Real good money
Staff party
Take Molly
High as fuck I decide to shit on the floor in front of everybody
Give notice 2 weeks later
Couldn't stand other employees looking at me
>>690680904
jesus anon
>>690680906
i lolled upwards at my neighbors floors. hope no wakey the obese beaners with my LOLLINATCHA
>>690677973
Sounds like they were butt fucking and sucking dick M8, lucky they didnt wrastle you to the floor and pound every hole you had
I remember being young and cock blocking my single dad all the time by walking in on him and bugging him when he was jerking. I knew he loved me and probably wasn't too mad, but I feel kinda bad/retarded for doing it. I didn't even know what I did wrong until years later.
>>690679244
dubs and wow that's actually probably correct.
>be me
>was my birthday
>socially awkward yet i still had friends
>had a few friends over at my party
>me being a lonely fuck spent most of the time in my room
>one of my friends was my crush
>laptop monitor was broken
>had RBG-or-whatever cable
>plugged it in monitor
>opened google chrome
>xvideos.com
>fapping
>crush walks in on me
>dick out in the open
>i thought "SHIT"
>everything felt like slow motion for some reason
>cover up with blanket
>had cumstain on the outside
>looked like she witnessed >>690000000, but with a bit more of a horrified feeling
>"w-wait!"
>femanon told friends
>didn't talk to me for a month
>mfw
>>690683450
I pretty much had no friends after that incident. Thankfully, that school got closed down at the end of that year, and most of the kids from that school went to the next closest elementary school in that area, while my parents to put me in a different one due to bullying (cant imagine why).
>>690680950
cringed
>>690678204
Everyone on this board is some kind of faggot I bet you fap to traps and if you dont you soon will I suggest start off with Kimber James
>>690684006
Nope, you're too much of a cuck
>>690684006
what does it matter? you were both 13, not much you could both do then kiss and hang out. Teen date is retarded, better to wait until you are older and can have real fun.
>>690684018
>>690684201
My dad and grandpa still make jokes about it to this day.
This thread is so far up the spectrum it's gone infrared.
>>690667836
>doodoo dave
>>690684318
That was a good time
sept 0
>>690684185
the heartiest of my lols are directed in YOUR DIRECTION
>>690680904
>>690661814
>back in middle school
>6th grade
>some wigger kid always saying "thats racist" to everything
>everyone always laughs and thinks its funny
>one day in some literature class
>teacher printed out copies of "WHITE FANG" from a double spread out of a text book.
>the way it was stapled together made it seem like it was only titled 'WHITE'
>get handed the booklet
>shout "THATS RACIST"
>room goes quiet
>teacher asks "why is that racist"
>explain the whole 'WHITE' title thing
>"Its white fang"
>teacher turns my booklets page
>FANG is at the top of the next page
>fucking regret it all
>fuck trying to fit in and be funny like that
asshole
>still makes me feel like shit
>>690671122
>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time
Double Trouble checked.
It wasn't weird at all. Young people should experiment more that way.
>>690684318
threw party and hid in room? no lols. pitying frown is the reaction you have made me react with my face
>>690672272
What did your parents do, anon?
>>690683929
grow a fucking pair. It's not like he did it on purpose you retard
>>690673387
Yeah, they are usually stumped by anything other than booting up then reading from a worksheet.
exhasted must abando literally funniest thread in years. lollinatcha guy out
>>690675767
>mfw you were more retarded than a literal retard
>>690665361
i concur
>be me, 9 or 10
>steal cousins Gameboy color
>my grandma finds it in my backpack
>I have to return it to my cousin
>super embarrassing and trying not to cry with tears rolling down my face
>>690663274
Underaged is sure underaged.
>>690683075
Man sex talk is the most embarrasing thing ever
>>690674167
She should have been spanked.
>>690675767
Finally, a purpose for retards.
>>690686571
I was in a similar situation, but I stole my cousin's virginity instead.
Fat
>>690665740
I have one
>be me
>9
>3rd grade
>Hate school
>Decide to try and go home early.
>ask my mom if I can come home early.
>she says no
>fuckyoubitch.png
>3 hours later
>walking in line and have to take a piss
>brilliance strikes.
>unload my lemonade falls into my pants
>best piss of my life
>tell teacher
>go home
>mfw I was called wee wee kid for the rest of 3rd grade
>completely worth it
>>690683929
Sorry fam. Here's another story that involves my misery to cheer you up
>be me
>summer after grade 10
>another scout camp
>Nigel had left our troop a few months ago
>thankthegods.png
>sleeping in a tend with this kid named Eric, and another kid named Addison
>Eric and Addison knew each since preschool and were like brothers
>they also loved to play pranks
>anyways
>sleeping in tend, when Eric tells me if I want some drugs
>ask him what the fuck he's talking about
>he tells me he has "good shit", and takes out 3 pills from his pocket
>tell him I'm good, and go back to sleep
>fall asleep to the sound of Addison saying he wants some
>wake up 5 minutes later to Addison humping me in my sleeping bag whilst whispering in my ear that he's going to cut me
>he takes out his pocket knife and starts waving it in my face
>freak the fuck out, and run out of tent
>forgot that our tent was on a beach
>run out, only to slip and fall as a wave of cold water rushes over me
>Eric and Addison run out of tent, laughing their asses off
>Eric told me they were just iron supplements and that him and Addison planned it out from the start of the trip
>by this time, everyone else was up, and pissed off at me for yelling and waking them up
>mfw I went to bed with soggy jammies
>mfw I was picking seaweed out of my underwear the next morning
>>690665802
>nice meme
Faggot
>>690667836
>Doodoo Dave
>Kek
>>690678088
>Always ended up spanked
The boy who played wolf. That's a new one.
How were you spanked?
>elementary school
>5th grade
>doing the ITBS tests because Iowa sucks
>fuckthisshitimbored.jpg
>ask to go to the bathroom between tests
>get into my backpack in my locker
>grab my gameboy SP with Street Fighter 2 Turbo port in it
>go to the bathroom
>play my gameboy for what feels like forever
>get back to the classroom
>turns out the teacher didnt start the next test and everyone was waiting for me the whole time
>i had spent like 20 minutes in there
>>690679282
I feel your pain. I suffered from urinary incontinence at a kid, I wet the bed almost every night until I was about 15. When I was in college a few years ago, I had trouble holding my piss through classes, I had a few instances of wetting my pants publicly at the ages of 19 and 20. I didn't bring extra clothes so I had to clean them as best I could in between classes. It doesn't happen regularly anymore, but sometimes I still can't hold it in. I'm 23. I gave up on ever getting a gf years ago, now I'm just trying to get a better job and live my life.
>>690686571
Same poster but this ones worse
>be me, 9 or 10 again
>my friend Ricardo brought his Nintendo DS to school
>ask to borrow it
>some time passes
>he asks for it back and I lie to him saying that a high highschool kid took it from me
>he starts crying and freaking out saying his mom is going to kill him
>more time passes. I show off my new DS to my friends. >Feels_good_because_I'm_a_sociopathic_child_.jpg
>I'm a fucking retard and didn't think it needed to be charged.
>DS dies
>wtf now
>burry DS in grandparents backyard
>mwf
This was almost 10 years ago. It is still there
Alrighty faggots I got a middle school cringefest for you
>be me
>be 12
>just learned about Ancient Egypt in history
>walking heart attack of a teacher teaches us some hieroglyphics and their translations
>genius that I am I decide to use them to ask out my crush
>7.5/10 face, 11/10 tiddies (for a 12 year old anyway)
>write note with translation
>give note
>MFW she says "I like you too"
>"relationship" lasts a year before the Great Sperg of Seventh Grade
Basically she broke up with me at the beginning of the year, I flipped the fuck out, and she pretended to keep "dating" me out of pity to appease me
>actually believe it's real for most of the year
>fake "relationship" ends and is quickly replaced by a new "real" one
>hug a few times
>cuddle like once
>get shut down when I want to hold her hand for some reason
>finally "break it off" for good
>well she wanted to but I had none of it
>call her a bitch and say "I'll see you in hell"
>she runs to tattle
>teacher loves both of us like her own children so doesn't get me in trouble
>says we should talk it over with our parents
>girl and I immediately agree never to speak of it again
>still mostly friendly but I want more and she knows I do
>8th grade goes by without incident
>end of summer before freshman year find out she's dating a new guy
>MFW it's my best friend
>tfw it's my best friend
>get really fucking depressed because of it
>eventually guy spergs out and she tries to end it with him
>his response is to go to McDicks and eat a metric assload of chicken nuggets while crying
>she takes him back out of fear for his safety
>friends and I learn of it and make some fantastic schoops of it
>didn't go over well
>anyway middle of soph year hear that they broke up
>hear she got a new boyfag
>few months later slide into her DMs and catch up
>her Chad white knights and threatens to kill me
>never speak to her again
>>690678589
That first bitter taste of the adolescent female. Horrible.
>>690685175
Can do drugs
But Molly hates me :(
That was 12 years ago and still think about it.
Only do drugs in my place now,
>>690678543
fucking kek, screencapping this
>>690687231
>faggot
nice meme
>>690667836
>doodoo dave
I must have been about 5 , sister is 9 , for some reason we showered together.
Boners were new to me , pretty exciting , happened whenever , didn't understand.
Was getting ready to shower and had a boner.
Brilliant idea.
Flexed tiny boner onto sisters leg.
She starts crying , told mum.
Never shower together again.
>>690681456
It was a different time man, I don't judge you
>be me 13
>Cousin brother 10
>Discover porn
>Feels good.jpeg
>Hey cousin, look what I found
>Why are they naked anon?
>What are they doing?
>I have no idea cousin.
>Let's copy them.
>Touch dicks.
>Start jerking each other off.
>Both cum buckets.
>Mfw it was gay porn.
>Mfw I lost my gap virginity to my cousin.
>>690679341
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-072
>>690678589
A bouquet of roses should come with the thorns still attached. That way if the person rejects you, you can still wack them in the face with them.
>>690687396
Dad usually just held me over his knee and used his hands. Also got spanked on my back with my legs up (think diaper changing) which was worse because I had to look him in the eyes during it. Wouldn't recommend.
>>690684006
pics of girl?
>>690671122
i was waiting for
>parents walk in
>>690688540
I know that position. Sounds like your dad was a pro and you gave him plenty of reasons to practice. Naughty boy.
I have a piss story that involves my first sleepover and the movie Narnia. Anyone wanna hear it?
>>690661814
>Be me
>14
>Wacthing stupid DJ Keemster Halo 3 Videos
>Thought they were funny as fuck
>Rememebrred a joke he said from one of them
>"You have the reaction times of a quadriplegic"
>Waiting for a time to say it because literal autism
>Playing soccer with friends
>Ball flies off the field and heads towards mom
>She sees the ball while sitting on the bench
>Puts hands up in a shit attempt to stop the ball
>It hits her
>I go over to get the ball
>Here's my chance
>"You have the reactions of a necrophiliac mom"
>What did you just say anon?
>I jog away
>>690683054
Shit I wish you were Nikki Sixx. Why you gotta do that, man? Just get on the Internet and lie like that? Can't you just tell spergy green text stories like everyone else ?
>>690688540
Did looking him in the eyes push you over the edge and make you cum?
>>690689307
Meh, I was an only child and probably have him hell a lot. Spankings didn't stop until I was 12 so I guess I can't blame it on being a dumb little kid.
>be me
>6y/o or something
>on bus home
>have to shit
>fart really hard
>i feel shitwater soak my undies
>oh god the smell
>other classmates start noticing
>"that smells like dog poop"
>"nuh-uh! it smells like horse poop!"
>my stop comes
>get off bus
>running home
>poop
>feel poop roll down pantleg
>wearing sweatpants
>poop stuck at ankle
>shake it out
>don't remember what happened after that
>mom probably does but never talks about it
This thread is good thread.
>>690689722
Would have made an interesting spectacle to witness.
>>690687217
Schadenfreude
>>690685051
Is that Zeus as Joseph Joestar?
>>690679341
>mfw he may of said it came alive at night cause he jerked off into it
>>690689717
Sadly no. I don't get off on embarrassment.
One time in the 11th grade I was sitting by this girl who is still a solid 8/10. Basically she was using my Ipad to google some homework answers and decided it was a good idea to go to my history. Found porn. Luckily the school wifi blocked it. She talked to me about it and actually said she wanted to see what I was into. She then goes to my camera gallery and finds tons of porn. Freaks her out and she never talks to me again. Man it feels good to be a freak. Mfw.
>be young prob 3
>still shower with mom
>mom says be careful to rinse vagina real well or the soap will hurt me
>scared? Idk
>fast forward fifteen years I don't ever wash my vagina
>started as fear grew into habit
>always stinky kid in high school
>don't connect dots that I'm a filthy animal with fish vagina
>fast forward to 20 years old find long loofa for scrubbing back
>soap that puppy up and scrub my dirty vagina front to back like people would do with towels in old cartoons
>not as smelly anymore
Looking back on it Jesus fucking Christ. Don't know how into high school I didn't wash my pussy. No I never had boyfriends, I was the loner kid. Stayed away from everyone. Married now though. Just turned 25. Hooray.
>be me
>highschool freshman
>brother is senior
>last day of school
>hanging out with him
>talking to his science teacher for last time
>just us 3
>they're catching up on stuff
>sit silently in corner like autist
>brother tells her about how he's on debate team
>first thing i say since being in room for 10 min
>"you could say he's a master debater"
>silence
>they continue for another 45 seconds or so
>we leave
>i avoided that teacher's hall for the rest of my highschool career
>>690690310
What did she find?
>>690668678
Where at?
>>690687217
>>690690095
Here's another "victory" story that relates to this one
>later that same summer
>another scout trip
>kid named Jacob joins us
>Jacob is extremely gullible and naive to the point of retardation
>Eric, Addison, and me decide to pull the same prank on him
>Eric brings small baggie of powdered sugar
>Wait until were all around a campfire that evening
>Everyone except us 3 decides to hit the sack
>we convince Jacob to stay with us
>Eric brings out baggie, asks Jacob if he wants some
>Jacob is instantly freaked out, asks Eric where he got that
>Eric opens baggie onto nearby picknick table and we all take turns snorting it
>pretty sure I accidentally snorted a pine neddle
>act all psychotic and start screaming about how were going to kill him and throw him in the nearest river
>he flips his shit and starts sprinting down a nearby hiking trail to escape us
>we chase him, but eventually loose track of him
>after half an hour of calling his name, we start to get worried
>go back to campsite and wake up scout leader
>explain situation, scout leader seems more annoyed than worried
>spend the next hour looking for Jacob
>Addison eventually finds him halfway up a tree, crying his eyes out, and mumbling some incoherent shit
>scout leader gets him down after 15 minutes and yells at us to get to bed and quit fucking around
>mfw Jacob left 1 week later
>Hippie parents trying to potty train me.
>I'm afraid of toilet. Refuse to sit on it.
>Parents decide a good idea to put newspaper on bathroom floor for me to shit on.
>Shit on newspaper.
>Hippie parents let dog eat my shit off newspaper...
>be me
>15 or 16 years old, beta as fuck
>there was this girl I was in love to, she knew
>go on school camp and one night in the middle of a truth or dare game I discover that she liked me too
>things get super weird, also she had a bf
>one friday they fight and break up
>I support her friday and saturday, we start to make confessions about our feelings for eachother and moments we shared
>she said things to me that were clearly signs that she really liked, everything was going perfect
>sunday
>she tells me she is ready to talk about what she said in the camp
>I suggest we go to a place to talk about it
>I regret sending that message 2 seconds after
>she says that it really doesn´t matter where we talk, the best place would be school
>I tell her that it is ok
>she realizes that I am acting a little weird
>asks me about it
>tell her that I felt a little dumb for saying that we should go to some place to talk
1/2
>>690675107
>Tactically shit my pants
>>690690392
tits or gtfo
>>690662945
you're a fucking clickbait tag, don't say anything if you're not gonna spill
>>690690392
tits. naow.
>>690690813
>she thinks I am nervous and tells me that I should not worry and that whatever happens she will always love me as a friend because that is what she cares about the most being my friend
>friend
>worst thing I have felt by that time
>her fucking friend?
>mfw
>I try to control myself and tell her that I don´t think we would have to talk about what happened in camp
>I take the stupid decision to tell her all this by voicenotes
>she can hear I am on the edge of crying
>"I don´t understand why suddenly you are so sad like that, a few minutes ago we were laughing"
>you don´t understand WHY?
>I explode
>I was expecting to just start to complain and insult her and ask why did she gave me all those signs (which I swear for god, even a 5 yo could have deducted that she was flirting with me) and all of the sudden she just wants me as a friend
>instead of doing that I start to cry
>sent her a bunch onf voicenotes crying trying to speak things about marrying her and have kids and grow old together
>she tries to tell me that she is confused and shit
>"Nothing of what I have done did nothing, you didn´t care"
>"The things you did did matter anon, all my relationships ended very bad and I don´t want to risk our friendship"
>keep sending voicenotes while crying talking about how much I suffer because of her
>she stops answering
>a few hours pass and I manage to think clearly again
>apologise, we both do
>agree to talk about things in school next day
>monday
>we don´t talk and avoid eachother
>she and her bf get back together that very same day
>decide that I have had enough, that day was the day I really started to stop liking her, try to be away from her
>one week later her bf sends me a message, stay away from her, etc
>whatever man
She eventually broke up with the guy because some legal shit about the dad of the bf harassing the mother of the girl I liked and the bf started to blackmail the girl I liked with some shit, etc
>>690673894
>>690680904
"how about I present my other, bigger project to you later, if you know what I mean"
>tfw instantly regret what you just said
>>690690707
If Freudian serves correct, you now have a shit/piss fetish am I right?
That kinda happened to me but with learning to use the stool so I could stand over the toilet. now I have a piss fetish
>>690673894
you stupid mothafukah
>>690680950
>9
>dsi came out in 2008
You're gay, your story's gay, kys
>>690690310
>story contains ipad in school
>underageb&
>>690689343
Let it rip
>>690661814
>be me
>autistic 11 year old
>watch sonic on youtube
>see video named " Rape. " with sonic in it
>watch because word looked funny
>sonic runs into the beach, picks up a white feather, runs off screen and the video ends
>wat.jpg
>despite having a computer fully capable of answering my question, i go downstairs and see my mom
>" mom what does rape mean? "
>she looks at me with shock and tells me what it means then asks me what I was watching
>don't tell her and walk off for some reason
>i guess she she didn't want to be in the situation at all so she didn't press further
>all i remember is wondering what the fuck that video ment
>still confused to this day
One of you dedicated fucks can probably find the video on YouTube, but fuck why was i so god damn retarded to ask her what the fuck did it mean
> be me, 11-12 years old
> discover masturbation
> greatestfeelingintheworld.png
> after about a week of masturbation, notice my dick has started to grow
> little kid me freaks out, thinking it'swollen
> consider telling parents
> remember that masturbation is a sin
> plead to God that my dick doesn't fall off
> continues masturbating anyways
>2nd or 3rd grade, don't fucking remember.
>Playing on playground during recess.
>One of those playgrounds covered in wood bark nuggets.
>See girl i liked, now's my chance to impress.
>See small log looking thing on ground, pick it up.
>Grab it with both hands and break it in half while saying "Look at me! I'm Superman!"
>Mfw it's a big dog shit covered in bark.
>>690691293
Expert babyfag detector is on patrol
>>690691293
been a long time fam
out the torch down
>>690673079
>sauce boy
>>690667836
Kek. Saved for future YLYL.
>be me, summer after 6th grade
>friend gives me some grills number
>text her for several weeks
>we agree that were in some form of relationship
>school starts(we go to same school)
>we never talk to eachother in person ever
>stop talking to her
>think she moved or something
>apparently she was a whore and i could have gotten my 7th grade dick wet, kappa
>>690687130
you went wee wee wee ... all the way home
>>690690813
>>690690997
fuck i hate shit like that, i feel you dude
>be me
>in 7th grade history class
>refer to the Reichstag Building as: "that building you attack at the end of the call of duty games"
>i don't think the class got it
>later that year
>same class
>explaining to class how my mom hides my xbox controller until i do chores
>dont remember why
>walk to next class hiding boner with books
>those were dark days.
>>690687527
new anon, but i feel your pain. don't have it quite as bad but def had similar experiences in classes where i'm dancing in my seat hoping class ends soon, especially in college because i would drink coffee. here's a story too..
>be me, 9 or 10
>love baseball
>baseball buddy asks if i want to go to sox game
>fuckyes.tiff
>driving there when we hit bumper to bumper traffic
>whydidichugthatwateranhourago.mkv
>can't hold it anymore, step of the car
>pissing on the highway in chicago, people making fun o me in cars surrounding
>ahh relief, get back in, go to game
never really talked much to him after that. it was hard for him not to start laughing when we would see each other at school.
>>690675767
Reposting faggot end your life
>>690686821
>was in a similar situation
>stole my cousin's virginity instead.
We have two different meanings to similar
>>690673894
Jesus fucking Christ, no wonder you're here now.
>>690692287
I'm already dead faggot
>>690691296
Unsuccessful troll is unsuccessful.
>Be me
>About 10
>New Mateix game comes out on PS2
>Rent it from blockbuster and take it to friends house
>Stay up all night playing, eating and drinking soft drinks
>Early morning comes so we sleep
>He is on bottom bunk I am on the top bunk
>Wake up to a wet patch
>Oh fuck
>I pissed his bed but I'm scared of saying anything
>He wakes up a few hours later
>climbs up to get a better view of the television that's attached to the wall
>"What's this anon?"
>I think I spilt a drink
>He smells it (wtf)
>My cover is blown
>My 10 Year old mind kicks in
>It was the dog he climbed up while you was asleep
>He tells his mom
>she laughs at me
>He laughs at me
>she strips the bed and cleans the pissy sheets
>I went home and cried
I'm still embarrassed and so sorry about what happened to this day.
>>690690600
More!
>>690680950
DSi was released in 2008, which means, if this story happened the same year it released, you are 16 years old at the OLDEST.
>underage b&
>>690661814
I've rejected qts back in middle school and high school. Now I'm complaining because I can't find a chick to settle down with.
>be me
>5 or 6
>keep putting finger in butt, then smearing shit on older brothers pillow
>get accused of doing it but deny
>brother gets sent to psychologist
>keep doing it for weeks until caught brown handed one time
>still denied doing it, eventhough obvious
>>690691650
You're gay, your diagram's gay, kys.
>>690692835
>2008
>its 2016
>said he was 9
>16 at most
dank math faggot, kys
>>690692835
>>690688540
Did he finger you as well?
>>690680950
What the fuck are you even trying to say?
>>690662129
fucking faggot.
diff anon, but I fucked my mom too and unlike this bitch I'll tell the story
>>690691421
>Be 3rd grader me
>Got invited to cool guy's birthday sleepover party
>"Oh shit this is my time to shine"
>Was a giant fucking beta with 1 friend
>Go to party, good times all round
>Just a bunch of kids from my grade and B-Day boy's little brother
>He's playing with some kinda spray paint toy shit with invisible colors
>Sprays chemicals that makes colors appear
>3-4 hours into the party we start a movie
>Fucking Narnia
>B-Day boy is a rich fuck so he got a giant TV with huge ass speakers
>Everyone's excited to see this movie it just came out
>I wonder off and find abandoned spray paint toy
>Genius idea occurs
>Spray that shit all over my crotch
>Fuck this is gonna be so funny
>Hear some wolves howl in the movie
>Know it's now or never
>Walk into living room with wet pants showing everyone I "wet myself" when I heard the wolves
>Why the fuck does no one think this is funny
>If my mom was here she'd be laughing
>B-Day boy's mom comes over to help me into the bathroom to wash up
>I can hear everyone laughing at me as I start to tear up in the bathroom whipping those weird fucking chemicals off my pants
>Rest of the night was lonely and awkward as hell
>For the next two years my class made fun of me
>Never any real nicknames except for "Wolfboy" for the first week, guess it didn't stick
>Everyone forgot about this but me, it will haunt me forever
I tried for years to convince people I didn't actually piss myself but not a single person believed me
Oh my god my years 4-13 were fucking cringe. When I was in kindergarten I took a pair of safety scissors and started cutting my hair in class, then in 2nd grade i went to the bathroom but someone stuffed up the toiletso I tried to flush but it only made it over flow, so instead of being sensible, I ran into the class yelling "The toilets overflowing!" And everyone laughed and laughed....
>>690692835
whatever the fuck it was, idek anymore
>>690678543
Jesus...
>>690664828
>not even an otphj
Wut
I once threw a pinecone
TIL: more than half of you have shit yourselves some point in your lives
>>690693791
>2016
>not knowing what an otphj is
alright, I have 2:
>be me age 9
>have crush on a girl i know
>decide to write a fucking
>"i see you but you dont see me..."
>wtf.jpeg
>thinks its a stalker
>tfw it was pretty obvious it was me
regret to this day
2:
>be me 13 yo betafag
>same girl
>find out we both like each other and ask her out
>says her mom wont let her date
>ffwrd 2 months and nigger friend says she was lying and doesnt like me
>text her saying stupid shit
>find out friend liked her and was full of shit
tfw i still know both of them
tfw still distrust friend from second story
>tfw ive never told first story and hope everyone forgot
think this shit traumatized me, help me anons
>>690692617
I did this too. I was like eight though. To cover my ass, I pulled down my briefs and pissed on his. His dad woke us up a little later and blamed the two of us for drinking too much soda. We got washed together and my friend was pretty upset. He ended up wetting for real and I faked needing diapers so we could have sleepovers without him feeling bad. All that shit over my embarrassment.
>>690690860
>>690690951
Hey newfags, she's not doing it for attention, so it doesn't warrant "tits or gtfo".
>>690692685
I have a few more that might be greentext worthy. Here's one which doesn't involve me as the victim
>be me around early high school age (cant remember specifically)
>anotherscouttrip.png
>one of the trip advisors was a fat neckbeard in his 20s named Jon
>wouldn't be surprised if he browses /b/
>camping on the larger of two small islands in the middle of a bay
>for some ungodly reason, the only outhouse was on the other island, so to shit you had to canoe across 20 feet of water
>most people just shat in the ocean or swam across
>I had to shit and so did Jon, but because he was an uptight motherfucker, he demanded we canoe across to use the outhouse
>fine.png
>take turns using outhouse
>canoe back
>no dock on the island, so the front person has to get out first, whilst holding the canoe, and wait for the other person to get out
>decide "fuck it" and jump out of the canoe onto the island
>rapid shift in weight causes canoe to rock sideways violently
>last thing I hear is "SON OF A BI-" before a loud splash
>look back and see Jon in the water, struggling to stay afloat
>everyone laughs at him, including the leader
>mfw
I have several vague but repressed memories that would make me overqualified for /r9k/ modship:
>Checked my ass for diharrhea when i was 5 at school, in the classroom
>flashed my ass in front of my extended family when i was 9
>generally a fucking crybaby over anything during elementary school (didnt help that most kids were literally worse than shit at the one i went to)
>7th grade
>had to use mom's phone for the day
>went off in class for a solid minute (school had a draconian policy on cell phones going off in class, can't remember the specifics) with the gayest fucking ringtone those pre-set 2005 cellphones could offer
>loud as fuck, couldn't pinpoint it for w/e reason.
>started digging it up as fast as i could, afraid of draconian policy
>picked up the phone, said "MOM?!" into the phonepiece.
>whole classed laughed, including the literal 500lb landwhale of a teacher
>kids in the hall yelled "MOM?!" at me for about a week
>most recent (and possibly worst because older) one was during my freshman year of HS >used to browse an MLP-themed sub-board (mostly off topic) on a now-defunct website >show was new and not the epitome of autism it is today
>browsed it near compulsively, even at school. >we were in the computer lab that day and i got on the computer that just happened to be the one that got projected on the screen
>MLP with the mane 6 up on the fucking projector
>everyone laughed again
>bullies came over and started messing with my backpack
>pulled out baby teething gel that was used for mouthsores, displayed it around the room while the teacher walked out for something
>got unhooked from the show and the sub-board pretty fucking quickly after that.
Honestly im just glad I'm not even 1/5th the autist i used to be as HS and college went on
This was literally a few days ago
>be me, 20
>older sister, 25 (not attractive)
>she is very religious
>not interested in men or women whatsoever
>parents are going to town
>assume they are picking up sis from work
>get out of the shower
>butt ass naked
>walk into my living room, pet my dog for a sec
>back in my room
>fully naked
>browsing porn
>door is wide open
>in my peripheral vision i see my sister walk by
>tfw im fucking naked and looking at porn
>tfw only monitor is my 27" tv
>tfw big porn
>there is no way she didn't see me
>feelsweirdman
I got up, closed my door, and uncomfortably masturbated. Didn't look at her for the rest of the day, she hasn't said anything but I've had an uneasy feeling since.
>Be around 10-11 just discovered masturbation and talked about with my best friend
>He usually comes to my house to play vidya
>Muh parents are out working most of the time
>redtube.com
>I take a chair from the kitchen and place next to he computer chair
>We both fapped to tbe same video
>And cummed
>Never thought it was weird at that time
Some post remembered me we did such things xD. Anyway, he is still my best bud and i would do a 3-some with him because of the lols, not homo
>be me
>12 ish
>one best friend who does everything with me
>kinda annoying but i deal with it
>sleepover at other buddies house for birthday
>we're besties so not weird to chill in the same sleeping bag playing on gameboy
>only gets weird when boners happen
>getting intense and I never saw someone else's dick
>whip 'em out, other friends are asleep so just us
>poke around with dicks, don't go any farther than touching
>realize dicks are gay
>stop
He got really annoying so me and all my other friends stopped talking to him in highschool. He turned out to actually be a fag and is a tumblrista now. not sure how much of a part I had in that
>>690691467
I'm dead
>>690694388
>saying tits or gtfo is warranted
kys faggot
>>690694388
anon, there are no girls on the internet.
if there are, they must show tits.
you should know this.
>>690668865
At grigg's?
