Okay /b/ lets play a game.
post a wish and the poster below has to
come up with a horrible twist to come with it.
I will start.
>I wish I could eat as much food as I wanted without gaining weight.
>>690313283
but you have type 1 diabetes
I wish i had a muscular body
>>690313607
but you're a nigger
i wish i had a girlfriend
>>690313283
I wish hitler hadn't died
>>690314364
but he is head of the Church of Scientology
>>690314345
But you lost your penis in the war.
>>690313283
I wish op wasn't a faggot
I wish I had a better job.
>>690313283
During your first eating binge you have a sharp pain in your chest. You have a heart attack and die. At the same weight you lived.
>>690314759
he not but he is bi and sucks dick every day
>>690314801
Gay prostitute
I wish i wasn't gay
i wish i had internet on my stuff no matter what
>>690314995
but you have AIDS
>>690314801
you get one but then are are fired immediately
>>690314995
But you're married to a toothess trannyprostitute
>>690315141
all you can watch is trap porn
I wish I could have my Starbound character irl
I wish I had more beer
>>690315393
Canadian beer
>>690315328
But he's trying to rape and murder you
>>690315393
you get it but it is non alcoholic beer
>>690315328
you get your character irl but it autism and has fits of rage and it has aids
i wish grandma was alive
>>690315483
I'm good bro =)
I wish I could freeze time and rape people
>>690315525
Shit
>>690315670
you can do so but each time you do you age a month
>>690315670
When you freeze time, you freeze as well.
>>690315670
you can only freeze time for 1 second
>>690315591
She's a zombie now.
i wish i had a dad that wasn't a cunt
>>690315670 But you age twice as fast and four times as fast when time is frozen
I wish that I could choose whoever I wanted, and they would have to have sex with me
>>690313283
Anon, why did you do that to your hand?
I wish I was a little bit taller I wish I was a baller
I wish that, consuming no energy or matter in the process, I could materialize any object I think of, to the exact specifications I think of, anywhere I choose within a five-foot radius that is not occupied by anything other than air.
Challenge mode activated.
>>690315921
your dad now has a cunt
>>690315978
Everyone you have sex with refuses to use condoms, and has horrific STDs.
>>690315978
They're always pegging you
>>690316006
But you have a girl and can Call her
>>690315978
You have ED
>>690316068
You are unable to focus on what you want without ironically messing it up somehow
>>690316238
That's cheating. You're just saying 'it goes wrong' and leaving the rest up to me.
i wish religion disappears
>>690316068
niggers within a 5-mile radius will give their lives to steal that or rape it if it is a woman
>>690316477
But you will be forever haunted by voices of buddah, Allah and Jesus demanding you stick your dick in a toaster
>>690316477
you delete religion from human history, causing many important events to never happen, causing society to change completely today
>>690316628
Got me there. Good job.
>>690316477
>Everyone becomes as euphoric as you
I wish summerfags would disappear
I wish poverty did not exist
>>690316733
>buddah, Allah and Jesus demanding you stick your dick in a toaster
Fucking kek
>>690313283
I wish I was happy
>>690316477
With no more religious values, the rednecks pick up their shotguns, band together, and overthrow america.
>>690316477
Everybody except for you becomes a lot more stupid. Stupid people are now severely mentally retarded, geniuses are just a little smart, etcetera.
People aren't able to do their jobs anymore, people aren't able to do shit anymore, because they're so stupid.
>>690316347
That's kinda the point, man. You're no longer able to maintain coherent thought for what you would want, but the object still appears to the exacts of what you think of. You forgot to cover that in your wish.
>>690316890
Every twelve year old registers next winter
>>690316901
Niggers become the same social class as everyone else.
>>690316901
niggers will rise to power
>>690316935
you are but only when you see someone being raped
>>690317061
great minds think alike
>>690316935
But everyone else would be depressed
>>690316935
You become happy, but everyone else is happier. Your envy of their better lives makes you unable to enjoy happiness.
>>690316901
but everybody is poor
so there are no poor or rich people
>>690317085
this is my fetish.
>>690315328
I wish the Floran from the outpost would suck my dick
>>690313283
But you will never feel full
>>690316935
But you become retarded
I wish to have a 18 inch donger at it's smallest length
>>690315670
You can freeze time but those who are frozen know they're frozen and can see what is happening to them
>>690317272
>imokwiththis.jpg
I wish that fluffy ponies were real, in the exact way that the origin stories describe, minus the watercanon catastrophes.
There would finally be a way to vent how much I want to torture and disembowel a living creature without it being socially unacceptable.
>>690317299
but every time you get an erection you shit yourself
>>690317212
She has oral herpes.
>>690313283
Too bad you lose weight, starve, and die without caloric intake.
>>690316901
Currency is abolished in favour of direct trade
>>690317272
but we're all retarded to begin with
have you ever seen what these people act like?
I wish my pinky finger could instantly make girls cum
>>690317299
it's so big, by the mass of it, it rips off
>>690317299
You have severe headaches every single time you get an erection, so bad, that you start crying from the pain if you ever have sex, sex intensifies the headaches exponentially, and you don't go into shock.
>>690316935
You require meth to be happy
>>690317351
you slowly become attracted to each one you see, but kill it when you are in love with it
>>690317460
You can no longer orgasm.
>>690317537
That is exactly what I want. Killing something so helplessly adorable. This is not a twist.
I wish I was dead
>>690315670
everytime you freeze time, giganigger freezes YOUR time and rapes your asshole once
>>690317351
But you are incapable of causing violence and all of your torturous desires disappear as soon as you have one.
I wish to instantly make any girl have a sharpie in their pooper without anyone knowing
>>690317460
Your hand in sentenced to life for serial rape
>>690317351
but they become sacred to Islam
>>690317460
But you can't have an erection anymore
>>690313283
>>I wish I could eat as much food as I wanted without gaining weight.
Have you seen the movie Thinner?
>>690317763
that's icing on the cake. fuck muslims.
>>690317640
but you become attracted to each and every one you see, even when you eventually kill it. from the moment you see one you are in love with it
>>690317666
Your already dead inside
>>690317351
What you do unto them, you get in your sleep every night. With each new thing you do, every night, it's that on top of the old stuff you did. If you do 5 years worth of torture, you get 5 years worth of torture every single night. The dreams are also very vivid and realistic, like real life.
>>690313607
It is in your trunk when the cops search your car.
>>690317728
When you do this, a sharp object appears in yours.
>>690317666
666 trips checked
you are dead but you are a zombie that in fully aware and your zombie forme can't die
>>690317666
you're dead but you're a zombie, and you're trapped by a faggot that likes to fuck dead people
>>690314345
The cops find her body when they search your car.
>>690317666
But you die a horrible and painful death
>>690317780
>>690317736
>>690317552
>>690317460
None of those are so bad. He'd be the ultimate man prostitute, making that bank with just the push of a button.
>>690317893
ok then i give up my murderous ways and blow them. then i get blown in my sleep. profit.
>>690314801
Making crazy money in the gay4pay porn biz.
I wish i could do any kind of drugs all i want, without negative consequences whatsoever.
>>690313283
I wish to engage in public stance, and to be unconscious or living as a partial viewing of all the many simple medical and political levels. Inferiority promised, complying to consumer content, which I ignore.
Boxes are removed from the body, although business platter signage can be found to be equal.
I wish i could die
>>690318123
You build up a tolerance very quickly to the point where a full pound of cocaine barely has results.
>>690313283
I wish I have infinity weed.
I wish to have 100 trillion dollars that I can spend on whatever I want, and no one will ever be able to steal it, and whatever I use the money for can't be traced back to me
>>690318177
is this english
>>690318262
Better start early then (:
>>690315393
It's miller time.
or
You can but I drank it first.. still the same as miller time.
>>690318123
you can't find a vain
>>690318123
all drugs are gone except for benadryl, popecia and antibiotics
>>690318285
It's shitty weed.
>>690318285
The DEA is fully aware that you have made this wish.
>>690318290
But you have to live with the fact that someone killed your mom to get you that money.
>>690317299
People are disgusted by the sight of you and don't find you attractive in any way. Most are scared of the size of your penis.
>>690318326
I mean in terms of getting you high.
>>690318285
you get a negative infinity dong
>>690315670
30 feminists on line accuse you of this and the judge believes them.
>>690318290
It's 100 trillion dollars of hyper-inflated african niggermoney and a loaf of bread costs twice that
>>690318455
my mom is already dead.
>>690313283
OK . . . the monkey paw for this joke for the White guy
> Nigger, Spic, & a White stumble upon a genie's lamp
> Genie grants 3 wishes, 1 per man
> Nigger: I want all my colored bruthas & sistas to go back to the Mother Continent as we were before slavery
> Poof all niggers are back in Africa
> Spic: I want all my brown hermano and hermana to go back to our Aztec lands before we scatterd
> Poof all spics are back to their native lands
> White: (turns to the genie) You mean to tell me that all the Niggers are in AFrica and the Spics are in Mehicko?
> Genie: Correct, now what is your wish?
> White: Um . . . I'll have a diet Coke.
>>690318285
But you continue to have no idea how to write sentences.
I wish for the Power to control time.
I wish i could take a shit whenever, where ever i wanted to.
>>690317460
But the orgasms are so powerful they sometime give the girls a heart attack
>>690318525
...I said dollars not nigga bucks
>i wish i could have 1 trillion usable, untaxable, untheftable, usd that is 100% mine and mine only with no repercussions or unfortunate happenings or horrible twists
>>690315978
>I wish that I could choose whoever I wanted, and they would have to have sex with me
Granted: pick whoever you want and with just 1 shovel they will have sex with you.. after tehy are dead.
I wish that I could manipulate all matter with my mind.
>>690318606
whenever you freeze time it's frozen for you too
>>690318317
I am trying to do well, in time. Syntax is possible, but analysis and monologues lead to their weakness. Potkin fares better, they wear a finite questionnaire for the latest human tools, into a live, rambled human.
>>690313283
I have a wish
Open this link
>bitly / 1tCnS0b (fb link behind bitly)
tell me what the fuck is going in this video and give me a back story.
>>690318628
But you have to take a minimum of 10 shits a day or you'll die.
>>690315921
Your dad isn't a cunt anymore but your mom becomes a giant dick
I wish there were no unforeseen negative consequences to this wish.
>>690318628
But every time it's the worst fiery diarrhea.
Total immunity from all existing disease cancer ecc ecc
>>690315921
Your dad isn't a cunt anymore but your mom becomes a giant dick.
>>690318628
you always have insane diarrhea whenever you shit
>>690318641
>sometimes
A risk I'm willing to take
>>690318680
America goes all post-worldwar germany with its inflation, and you can barely buy a coke.
>>690318652
zimbabwe used the term dollar too, sorry :(
>>690318744
fuck your mother.
>>690318680
But you're a faggot.
>>690318825
but have no legs
>>690318680
Granted, but the monkey paw lies to you, so you're taxed at 100% when Bernie is elected.
>>690318560
>>690318560
Kekekeke.
>>690318290
Nobody accepts your money for anything.
>>690316068
You can and it is amazing for weeks until your family decides you will never come out of your vegetative state and disconnects your feeding tube.
I wish she'd fuck me already.
I wish for an AR-15
>>690318680
When you use the money to do mundane things, homeland security is only allowed to become incredibly suspicious of your spending habits, but whenever they try to directly apprehend you for questioning, they stop mid-way, and you are often caught in a loop of interrogation several miles from your home.
>>690318825
you can never die, no matter what
think about that
every day I wake up as a different person.
>>690318652
Dollars aren't exclusive to the U.S. you dipshit. A trillion Zimbabwe dollars is like 15$ U.S.
So many of you are doing this wrong. You can't just tack on some weird consequence or outcome that is unrelated to the wish, that's not how it works.
I wish that I had a valid coupon for the wash'n'fold laundromat.
>>690318945
I have no mother.
>>690318816
But you don't get a wish
I wish for omnipotence and omniscience
>>690316477
A new one immediately crops up as humans will invent one in the absence of one.
Now go worship the new trap god.
>>690318652
>>690319095
But if you ever don't have it with you, you grow more and more body hair.
>>690318825
you get shot
>>690319095
The cashier calls you a faggot and slaps you in the face when you hand her the coupon.
>>690319072
they're all niggers
>>690319072
Every day, different people wake up as you.
>>690315670
When you freeze time fat people can move too
I wish I could live forever without ageing or suffering diseases.
>>690318825
But you start to infect people with a deadly disease whenever they get close to you
>>690318816
You don't get a wish, you continue living
>>690319095
whenever you go to the laundromat it takes 10 times as long
>>690319200
your mind instantly and irreversibly goes insane from the incredible amount of information blasting your brain into nothingness
>>690319200
But your autism levels become so extreme you can only express yourself by drawing on the walls with your own shit.
>>690319200
remember earlier this thread? no more religion. you cease to exist.
>>690318680
Granted. You suffer a fatal brain aneurysm the next day.
>>690319302
Laughed.
>>690319045
You decide to shoot up your favorite night club during the summer.
>>690317194
Then I guess your wish came true, sorta.
I wish Pokemon was real.
I wish summerfags would leave /b/ .
>>690319043
But she's a trap :^)
>>690319363
It's a laundromat 5000 miles away from you.
>>690319495
bronyfags invade
>>690319495
They move in with you
>>690319470
You get raped by Mr Mime nightly
i wish i was Batman
>>690319072
That book was gay af
I wish i could be happy
>>690319404
>>690318976
>>690318885
i said
>with no repercussions or unfortunate happenings or horrible twists
above posts are ineffective
these im okay with
>>690318947
>>690319054
>>690319495
/b/ suddenly grinds to a halt, and you are the only one left.
>>690318709
All you faggots have yet to ruin this one. Is it even possible?
>>690319384
This
>>690319200
You are forever locked in the paradox
>>690319580
Wish granted! You're now Adam West
>>690319581
Never read the book, so you're gay af for thinking that it came from the book.
>>690313607
>I wish i had a muscular body
You're in prison and you got muscular in the prison weight room
>>690314345
>i wish i had a girlfriend
Turns out she's your half-sister from your dad's stepping out on your mom
>>690314364
>I wish hitler hadn't died
The Commies captured him, tortured him to confess to the systematic killing of 25 Million Jews and it's criminal the world over to say that only 24.5 Million Jews died in the Holocaust™.
>>690316477
>i wish religion disappears
Without hope for an afterlife the Freudian deathwish grips societies the world over and the advanced civilizations start to live for the day and don't reproduce or develop . . . . leaving the wogs to make baby after baby until we're an African planet.
I wish all people in the world would be genuinely nicer to each other.
>>690319601
> unfortunate happenings
you've just essentiallly guaranteed world peace
>>690319641
He becomes mentally retarded
I wish I could have friends
I wish that what i dream come true and have impact to the real world.
Also i should mention that i like to have nightmares.
>>690319601
Monkey paw lies. Your wish is ineffective.
>>690319716
aliens invade and we no longer want to fight them off. humanity perishes.
>>690318709
One day, you give in to your subconscious, morbid curiosity while daydreaming, and you manipulate all matter into orange Crayola crayons- including yourself.
I wish I had super powers
>>690315328
Wanna play starbound together sometime? I wish we could do that.
>>690319200
You are now the blind, idiot god Azathoth. Because you created everything, there is nothing left to create. Because you have thought every thought, there is nothing left to learn or imagine. Because you have seen infinitely far in to the future, you know that any action you take is meaningless.
Hence, you relegate yourself to being a vegetable devoid of ambition, aspiration, or hope.
>>690319788
edgy!
>>690319751
First off, that was me posting again. Second, I just manipulate my mind to not be retarded again.
I wish my penis was two inches bigger.
>>690319716
But they're all faggots and humanity literally destroys the planet by glitter induced omnicide
>>690318709
You are in a vegitative state, you only have the compitence or desire to manipulate feeling fluid and your own fecal matter
>>690319716
Everyone is passive aggressive towards you
>>690319880
He fucks your mom while you suck on his balls
>>690319878
they're all gay
>>690313283
I wish I had a jaguar e-type
>>690319925
it's bigger across, not length. it is now impossible to have sex.
I wish FISH
>inb4 caucasian pineapple(s)
>>690319925
It will always be soft and black
I wish all the flies and mosquitoes would be replaced by some non-annoying lifeform that their natural predators could eat instead.
I wish I wasn't constipated
>>690319580
You are 60's batman or the one from batman forever.
>>690319921
>mentally retarded
You can't think for shit. Your powers are wasted making pretty pitchers on de woll
>>690320048
A great quote from some faggot children's book
A wish is a dish that's a lot like a fish. Once it's been eaten, it's harder to throw back.
>>690319773
these are your friends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c78xruDAHk4
>>690319601
Someone else wishes for your money to disappear and for you to eternally suck a dick, faggot.
>>690320048
Inb4 ceaces to exist
I wish for a painless suicide.
>>690319200
You solve the paradox of an omnipotent being being able to create something so heavy he can't lift it . . or he can lift anything . . or
Oh, nevermind, you can literally fuck yourself and so use your power to fuck your own ass for eternity.
I wish I was fun to be around.
I wish OP was having sex right now.
>>690320103
flies help decomposition. there are so many more rotting carcasses in the world, to the point where they're everywhere.
>>690315328
Your character immediately knocks you out, and chops off pieces of your body to consume while keeping you alive.
By the time you are nothing more than a head, attached to a badly stitched torso, your remaining eye bears witness to the local armed forces bombing your house, taking the Floran (and you) with it.
>>690320196
>doesnt know how to read a post
>>690320105
you get dysentery. easy mode fuck.
i wish i had a lot of money without working
>>690320234
it was with this poster
>>690320211
people talk shit about you forever after
hahaha
>>690320211
Granted: exit bag
>>690319925
But it becomes two inches thinner in circumference
>>690314531
kek
>>690320216
Your so fun to be around you eventually get raped by someone with AIDS
>>690320216
But only 60+ year old people think that you are fun.
i wish pepe would come back.
>>690319986
But it's the color black
>>690320310
five hundred trucks of post-worldwar german marks show up at your door. have fun with your lot of money.
>>690319297
>>690319363
Both acceptable. My laundromat delivers and I have enough clothes that a full wash'n'fold costs over $100. A slap is totally worth getting my laundry back in the late evening at an affordable rate.
>>690313283
all the food you eat will taste as if has to much salt
I wish millhouse was a meme.
>>690320408
he becomes a toad
>>690320408
But the sun will hyper expand and you'll die 5 minutes later
I wish my dick was 9 inches in length and 3 inches in girth
>>690320103
They are the physical manifestation of our souls and every one eaten results in the death of the corresponding human with wounds identical/proportionate to those inflicted on the soul during its consumption.
I wish I didn't put Herobrine in my Minecraft world and instead had Herrobrine, who is a racial stereotype of Asians. HERRO HAVE RICE AND GOOD GRADES
>>690319716
People live in fear of the dictatorial law that if they are ever rude they'll be lobotomised
>>690320500
Like caveman spongebob, everyone thinks the people using it are autistic faggots.
>>690320500
But it makes everyone give up the Internet forever
>>690320211
your suicide attempts leaves you in a partially vegetative state where you are stuck in your body and unable to move any part of your body, blink your eyes, etc.You're completely and 100% aware of everything going on around you. You live to the ripe old age of 125 and are kept breathing, eating, etc by machine. You get to experience the sadness of your family members coming to see you at first.. then gradually.. as the years pass... no one. Just anonymous nurses coming in every few days to turn your body and keep your bedsores from getting too bad. But you are successful and your eventual death is completely painless.
>>690320500
It is a 9gag meme.
>>690320546
It stays that way, constantly. At full boner. Try living your life like that.
>>690320103
Butterfly effect causes an influx of large cats who enslave humanity, you spend the rest if your life sucking tiger cock til you are eventually eaten at the ripe old age of 43
>>690313283
I wish I could counteract any wish's terrible twist with a positive twist.
>>690320625
Wish granted! End of thread
>>690320622
the root of suicide means death
suicide means killing yourself
attempted suicide would fit your post. but he just said suicide.
I wish I had 50000000 pounds of marijuana in my home
>>690319880
I definitely could if you want
Not gonna lie, not the best at crafting tho
>>690315921
Is the nicest man alive
But leaves you
>>690317897
Underrated post.
>>690320675
you can counteract other people's terrible twists but can make no wishes of your own
>>690320746
It becomes a black hole and sucks in the earth.
>>690320675
But the uninhibited wishes causes Bernie Sanders to become president
>>690320428
Haha got me.
>>690314364
He lives, but in this timeline you're born a gay Jew
>>690320841
but he can just make a deal with them that if they make a wish for him and a wish for themselves, he'll counteract both
>>690320546
I think that you don't know what, "girth," means.
It defines circumference, not diameter.
Your wish is granted without consequence.
Enjoy the needledick.
>>690320735
No the eventual cause of death would be the injuries he caused in his suicide attempt. Would just be delayed for 100 years.
>>690320654
World famous pornstar, world record holder, can fuck forever. Sounds like a nice life
>>690320809
All i do is farm spacecorn for others like hell, send me a message at [email protected]
>>690320746
Cops see it out of your door, and windows... basically over flowing. SO you get raped in prison by big black dick.
IF WEED IS LEGAL THEN you just suffocate and die as you can't breathe weed...
>>690320746
Each single nug was shit stained due to the way it was smuggled in.
I wish I could teleport any were I want at will
>>690320746
But a group of niggers steal 10000000 pounds of your marijuana per hour.
I wish that Americans would stop being so fucking dumb.
>>690318247
You go to hell full of yiffers and mlp
