i think i fucked up /b/
>be me
>just having a casual text convo with girlfriend
>she makes a joke about poisoning her soon to be step-dad
>i say "TBH i would probably help you do it if you were serious, i mean not to sound weird or anything i'm just saying"
>then i said "and if we ere to get caught for whatever reason i would take the blame so that she wouldn't have to go to jail or nothing"
this was 45 minutes ago
She hasn't answered
wat do?
i really want some advice on this
tell her you were just fucking around is it that hard?
Use logic.
the answer is within you
It may be a meme but say you were joking and you were doing a social experiment. Something like this is actually passable as one.
Just say, "(name), I was kidding"
If she pushes you any further on it just be like, it was just a joke why are you being so weird about it
Then she'll feel like she's the idiot
>>686993002
"I was additionally joking because your joke was fucking stupid, Who the fuck would poison somebody, it's ineffective as shit."
>>686993725
>>686993762
>>686994045
>>686994067
>>686994092
i would say i was fucking around if she answered me
but she isn't answering me.
after she answers i will try one of these
thank /b/
she probably hasn't even looked. wait it out you clingy fuck
>>686994295
Only one thing left to do
Poison her never to be step-dad.
>>686993002
Tell the police she raped you and that she physically tortured you for months and sent death threats. That'll get 'em
>>686994295
If what you posted is the last thing you said, then just put what we said. If you've been trying to get a reply by saying "hey" and shit then you've dun goofed
>>686994295
Shes already talking to him and blowing him anon. When i dated a woman with an 18 yr old daughter i made her feel guilty and had her blow me regularly
>>686994381
i'm not clingy
i just get anxiety over shit like this
>>686994561
i haven't said anything to her since i posted the previous messages
>>686995831
Just be like "hey you know I was joking right?" or something like that just to get her attention. If she is worried that you want to kill people and shit then this will probably make her respond
>>686996525
i'll do that right now
i really hope this works
>>686996810
i'm going to say
"Hey, by the way i was just joking about that.i wouldn't actually kill a person or anything like that"
is this good?
>>686993002
You have no excuse. Saying that kind of retarded shit is acceptable, but not in writing.
You'll never see her again and you deserve it. Think twice before pressing Send next time, faggot.
>>686997104
too much. and throw a lol in there
>>686997104
Just keep digging that hole.
>>686997326
what? whats wrong with it?
>>686997104
No, just say you thought she was trying to come up with a fictional story and you played along.
i wouldnt help u doint that..ffs..
but if uw ant me to help him suck him off...
ill help...
im good with bjs
>>686997434
Don't use the last sentence. It seems like you're deliberately backtracking
just don't even mention it.
ask her what she's doing now, or the next day
>>686997104
>>686997313
>>686997454
what about this
"Hey, by the way i was just joking about that. i was really high and for some reason thought it would start a fun little 'what if' type conversations"
i know this is long but is it any better?
>>686997104
make it fucking casual you tard.
Jk, you know that right? *insert tearing up/laughing smiley*
>>686997899
You're so fucking autistic
>>686997899
no.
>>686997831
do this
>>686998106
>>686997313
i don't use emojis or lols or anything like that
if i did then she would know something was up
>>686997899
You just need one word. On the spirit of this immortal clown: BAZINGA
>>686997899
Much better is "you ran out of inspiration? I played along for a bit. I was obviously kidding, you would never poison your step dad... right?"
>>686998240
I KNOW!! thats why i need help
>>686998298
made me laugh.
>>686998339
maybe this without the last sentence.
Now it is over an hour. The awkwardness grows exponentially by the second.
Send her rare pepes. She'll love'em
just say u were fucking joking and ur shocked she didnt fucking get it and insulted
or say 4chan amde u doo itt
>>686998460
The last sentence is the best bit. You need to make it clear that the story is so over the top that you were obviously not being serious. Then a bit of turning the tables round to trigger a response, et voilà .
>>686998339
alright i now have
"hey by the way i was just joking about that. i thought you were joking so i attempted at continueing the joke, but i think i failed. i'm sorry"
>>686998781
no.
>>686997831
do this.
tell her not to poison him or you'll kill her
>>686998745
>5 38 and 76 decide
>i mean
> hello
Also>>686998781
Is bad, don't Say you're sorry
>>686999216
lol
>>686998781
FUCK IT!! it's been almost 2 hours
i'm just saying it like this
"hey by the way i was just joking about that. i thought you were joking so i attempted at continueing the joke, but i think i failed. you were joking right?"
>>686999416
no
>>686997831
do this.
just wait a bit and then ask if she was joking bc you werent serious
>>686999416
fucking hell, i sent the message
>>686993002
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rre0sFHlfBc
give that a try and youll know what to do
>>686999726
you dun fucked up
Maybe shes on the fence about your credentials. Tell her you've already poisoned pets/small animals. Thatll get a response.
>686999999
>>686999806
what? why what was wrong with the message
i sent this version
>>686999416
>>686999937
That was good
9s
>>686999416
If she sees you replying 2 hours later it will seem weird asf.
Go see her irl tommorrow and if she asks about it just laugh it off as a fucking joke.
>>686999977
good try, fucker
>>686999726
>dat beta cuck response
She'll cheat on you.
>>686998696
all my pepes are on my computer
and i am not transfering 110 pictures to my phone
>>687000297
so close.
so sad.
even messed up the link
>>686999999
explaining yourself so much always fucks up, you could just 'dude, it was a joke'. How hard is that.
>>686993993
underrated post
>>686999416
This literally seems like the worst lie ever. Cant you social retards come up with something helpful?
>They all sit down to dinner
>She sets her phone on the table
>Phone chirps
>Soon to be stepdad looks over at phone
>Sees message
>Looks at her
>Looks at his food
>Looks at her
>Jumps up from the table and runs from the house crying
>>687000322
there is already speculation that she is cheating on me
What the fuck is my life
>>687000455
>even messed up the link
was probly for the best. eww
>>687000594
lol
>>687000000
this is probably a better thread
>>687000528
i am an EXTREMELY awkward person
she knows this better than anyone
>>687000489
yeah, I cant see a reason why you would try to explain yourself in that situation. shit tier lie
Ahhh the problems of kids... Must be nice
>>687000738
no. the tranny one is better
>>687000766
this is actually a huge plus.
>>687000866
oh thank god
it is?
>>687000580
The fact that you have to resort to /b/ to reply to a fucking text message would explain why. Grow some balls and dump her. She'll have more respect for you than she ever had. Then move on and don't be such a cuck next time.
>>687000830
fagarooni detectaronied
>>687000766
Awkwardly homicidal
>>687000766
then why the fuck are you worried about it faggot, she already knows your awkward as fuck, seems to me like nothing has changed then.
>>687001048
i would do that but theres still a chance that she isn't cheating on me
and she is the only thing that still makes me happy
>>687001012
yeah lol, no normal person would fucking write that row of shit you just sent her. They would just laugh it off and not see why the previous text was weird.
>>687000322
With her soon to be a stepdad. Maybe she already did. Shes regreting it so she wants to kill her soon to be stepdad to regain her pride.
>>686993002
Tell her you went to /b for guidance and came away with "I'm autistic"
>>687001048
>I'll help you kill your dad
>Seriously, I'll kill him
>I'd even take the blame if we got caught
>Fuck you bitch! We're through!
Yeah, that's the next logical step. Because he want to meet the cops right now instead of waiting to be called into principals office tomorrow andeetimg them there.
>>687001367
thank you
i don't have any social skills so i have no idea how to handle these situations.
this is my first real relationship
>>687001252
So if she leaves you your happiness goes with her? Hardly a good situation to be in.
Leave fucking /b/ and make your life better. Then dump the bitch.
Any reply?
>>686993002
Tip for your future, NEVER SAY SHIT LIKE THAT SOBER AGAIN.
If you are already a socially awkward cuck then its hard to find somone, dont let a chance go to waste.
You should never write something like that. EVEN BETTER, dont write anything that could come up awkward or could be misinterpreted to the point of you losing your gf
this thread is fun
the girl just says some random shit and OP fucks it up in the worst way imaginable
>let's just admit we all wanna see OP go to jail
>>687001786
not yet
i will post it when she does
if this thread is gone by the time she responds i will just post a new thread
>>687002042
if i go to jail then i will get fucked so hard
i'd rather take the death penalty or just fucking kill myself before the court date
>>687002046
It's been over 15 minutes! Fucking call her!
>>687002340
dont.
>>687002340
no...
that is forbiddon
i have never actually called her on the phone
we just text and hangout in person
>>687002546
omg hahahaha
>>687002546
she is so cheating on you
>>687002546
Ride your bike over to her house and then just ride circles in the street until she comes out.
>>687002041
everything i say is awkward as fuck
i even carefully word my messages so that they are not awkward but then they just still come out really awkward
Send another text OP
>sorry about my autism
But seriously, another shorter text would solve it.
>>687002546
>cuck level 9001
Abandon thread
>>687002657
>>687002622
but i see her almost everyday and we text everyday
OP stop being a little bitch. I hope they lock your ass up for being so goddamn retarded.
>>687002546
>>686993002
seriously, are you a fucking retard?
>>687002713
what kind of text
i need suggestions
>>687002707
I do not understand how you have managed to stay awkward while maintaining a relationship.
Like I grew out of it as soon as I gained a little self confidence.
>>687002713
Hey if she knows about /b/ she might just find the autism text funny.
>>687003120
i know i've been with her for over 2 months and i' still awkward
but i was WAAY more awkward at the beginning of the relationship
>>687002866
dude, i don't know if she's cheating on you or not. but from what you're telling us about her, i kinda get the feeling that she's probably a cunt who fucks with you
>>686993002
Wow pussy is about to get you imprisoned.
>>687003086
OP, the moment you go beyond 2 texts without a response, it's all over. You cannot send her a fourth and expect her to believe you weren't serious. Stop being so insecure, get on with your fuckin day, she's probably taking a shower or something
>>687003120
i don't have any self-confidence
>>687003300
Dub dub dubs.
>>687003260
she doesn't use 4chan
at least i don't think she does
>>687003269
i really hope not but thats probably what it is yeah
>>687003262
>with her for over 2 months
>offering to kill father after 2 months of dating
OP is betalord
>>687003312
then your relationship won't last
>>687003312
time to nut up you cucked asshole.
>>686993002
Ohh my /b/, so full of wierdos that really do not know how to behave in life...
>>687003300
Dubs speaks the truth,
also checked
>>687003437
okay, just tell me.. why do you think that she might be doing that?
This thread is now the most important thing in my life.
someone caping this
>>687003562
i have found no evidence against her
but a ton of people are telling me that she has things with other guys and she is just leading me on and shit like that
OP, do you have a father?
>>687003728
yes i have a father
i also have a step-father
>>686993002
>with girlfriend
if she really is your girlfriend dont sweat it
>>687003716
she is. end it now, and save yourself any future trouble.
>>687003716
Do you actually like, hold her hand and kiss her and shit OP? Have you slipped her the salami?
>>687003790
Then go ask them how to be a man and grow a pair. Do exactly as they say, and don't whine and bitch about it.
>>687003086
Say something casual, maybe something totally unrelated like 'hey what are your plans for tomorrow'
>>687002546
oh my god, I can't even believe this guy exists
>>687004078
i fkd up
>>687003716
you should just confront her about it. hey, maybe all those people are telling you bullshit - but that doesn't matter at all, because it will always be in the back of your mind and it will eat you up. just confront her at some point, don't let her give you any bullshit. if you're not an asshole about it and she still gets defensive/agressive you got your answer
>>687003992
yeah i hol her hand, hug her, kiss her
and we have done things when we've hung out
but we have not had sex
>>687003790
>I'm willing to kill your father to help cope with my own daddy issues.
>>687004139
oh i won't for long trust me
i'm planning on ending it near the end of this year or next year.
i'll make it live or some shit if you want
>>687004229
dude you are overthinking it and thats the girls job. you should have sat back, done nothing and when you saw her again pretended you didnt even remember. i do that all the time it rarely fails.
OP show us a picture of your gf (bonus points for a picture of you so we can tell you if you should break up or not)
>>687004229
Are you 13?
>>687004229
dude, what are you both? 12?
>>687004198
it has been fucking corroding at the back of my mind, i want to ask her about it next time i hangout with her
>>687004594
Periscope it.
>>687004501
no, i am not 13
i'm just a virgin who has zero dating experiance
Related:
Depression Isn’t A Choice, It’s A Kind Of Brain Damage
http://www.lifehack.org/374748/depression-isnt-a-choice-its-a-kind-of-brain-damage
>>687004487
i don't have any saved pictures of her, and i don't take pictures of myself either
>>687004594
don't 'ask' her. demand the truth instead! you have /any/ reason to be suspicious if multiple people told you stuff like that. and if the relationship is important to her, she better makes sure that you don't have to worry about her cheating on you. again, if she doesn't - ex her out
>>687004734
What, 14 then?
>>686993002
This doesn't seem that bad, I'm mean its kind of retarded and I would never do something like this, but more so for legal reasons than social reasons. If you can't say something like this to your gf and at least explain your way out of the situation, then you probably didn't have that close of a relationship to begin with.
>>687004396
Planning to kill yourself in a year, maybe two?
That's not how that works.
What a cry for attention. You are possibly the most feminine man on a site full of traps.
>>687004874
no i will not say my age on here
unless someone gets quads or some shit
>>686993002
An hero
>>687004734
but how fucking old are you?
>>686993002
Well go save her white knight faggot maybe she'll give you some puss once you're out of prison, if Jermal allows it I mean.
>>687005019
i like to plan ahead fuck you
killing myself is just a back up plan
>>687005075
that was joke
don't start rolling
>>687005019
top kek m8
You're getting too anxious bro. Just wait it out, go play a game or something. And get out of b/, it'll only make you feel worse.
If the girl really likes you, she should understand, or she's a stupid bitch.
>>687005075
you are definitely a faggot who must not be older than 16. If you're older, shame on you
>>687004870
gotta go now, please OP don't make the same mistake i made and stay with a manipulative bitch. i'm scarred for life in multiple ways because of my ex
good luck, you fucking autist
>jk lol
>>687005158
If you liked to plan ahead you wouldn't be in this situation. Stop lying to yourself, that's a good start.
>>687005403
fine fuck you i'm 15
who else here is the same age? i'm sure theres some awkward fuck out there that can relate to this
>>687002546
Back the fuck up for a second
>>687001604
Goddamn man, as long as you let her know you're not conspiring to murder someone you're good
>>687005597
Speaking as someone more than twice your age, you need to go and talk to your father. Not a bunch of /b/tards
>>687005514
thanks for the advice
>>687005514
>>687005597
oh, you're 15? then forget everything i said, lol. implying you both will stay a couple for longer than a few more weeks - you'll get over it quite fast, dw
>>687004639
OP is a fucking cuck
>>687005737
my dad is nothing but an alcohalic retard
>>687005786
But he will never forget today
>>687005597
Jesus, this feels like CP now.
No wonder your girlfriend would take this seriously.
>>687005811
wait, what the fuck!!!??????
>>687005831
A few people post in this thread and play along. OP, use that thread and tell her it was a 4chan prank. You're welcome.
You could just an hero. That fixes it
>>686994402
THIS. THEN BLACKMAIL HER WITH THE MESSAGES.
>>687005822
Ok, then that explains a lot. Step dad then? Or any father type figure? That is who you want teaching you how to be a man. Not the damn internet, and especially not 4chan.
>>687006091
Isn't that the ultimate solution?
fycdk
>>687004487
Gotta get that jailbait
>>687000572
My sides.
>>687006195
i have no real father figure in my life
This is bait
>>687004639
>>687005597
dude calm down, you are very young, it's ok to feel stressed sometimes, but you have to calm down and not think too much about this, it'll be worse
Do you lack a brain?
>>687006504
i really hope so
>>687006579
I think you and I both know the answer to that.
>>687006579
>>687007033
i have a brain
common sense on the other hand... not so much
she probably fell asleep dude, lol relax
>>687007121
Kek
>>686993002
are you retarded? literally just say
"just messin btw"
is it that hard?
OP post some screenshots of your text so we know this is not bait
>>687007520
ight
gimme a sec
OP just send a dick pic man.
>>687007729
>I'm going to poison your dad
>I'm sorry im not going to poison him
>hello
>hello
>*dick pic*
>>687007829
under rated post.
I think she was making a joke, and you scared the shit out of her
>>687007520
>>687008105
>>687007829
TOPKEK
>>687008151
>>687008224
>>687008151
>>687008105
those are the screenshots for you
it's probably really cringy
>>687008151
>Top kek
This does not sound like a joke at all you autist
>>687008428
this is why i consider suicide as an option
>>687008224
Prepare to be dumped
>>687008535
It would make her sad OP.
She would probably give a college speech about depression or some shit.
>>687008630
fuck
that whole end of the year plan is getting bumped sooner now
>>687008386
This whole thread is cringey
>>687008105
>>687008151
>>687008224
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ACHIEVED THE BETA LEVEL
>>687008843
fair enough
kek
>>687008386
/b/ro kill yourself
>>687008951
give me a few minutes
i'm contemplating
Bro, just go to sleep now. This is seriously the shittiest reason to kill yourself.
>>687009086
no that wouldn't be the reason
but my relationship with her is the only thing keeping me from doing it.
so without that in the way its a clear road to the sweat release of death
>>687009251
>sweat release of death
Yes please kill yourself
>>687009035
and stream it
>>687009086
this
>>686993993
My sides are in orbit
>Mfw
>>687009431
i might
idk
if i do stream it then i will post a link just for you bbe
>>686993002
Go to the police with it for the keks.
>>687008105
>>697008151
>>687008224
Holy fuck OP
The beta rays from this fucking post gave me skin cancer
Let me guess, are you one of those ironic memers on ifunny?
Kill yourself
Op here
can this thread be pruned or deleted please?
i just want this to end
>>687009714
don't call for a storm if u can't handle it fgt
>>686993002
Pretty good shit op
https://youtu.be/-ytqQIE14fQ
When she dumps you, send her to me. Im gonna show her how not to be a gay beta fag
>>687009849
i don't really care about the shitstorm randy
it's just that this is making me sad, i just want to be done with this
with everything
>>687009714
Do you wear khaki or black? Just trying to see if we are dealing with a Delta minus or a Epsilon plus here.
>>68701015
was someone forcing you to be on 4chan right now or something?
This isn't real, it can't be.
>>687010151
Just get off the internet.
>>687010348
I don't want to believe it either. But I do actually think this is real.
>>687010247
i wear khaki's
random T-Shirts
and a black sweatshirt
and i'm really thin
>>687010151
well then fucking tell her to fucking answer. if she doesnt then go 2 the fucking cops and pretend it rly was a fckn joke. jesus christ.
>>687010151
I'm fucking cackling are you even a real human being? Are there others on this planet like you? Holy fucking shit how have you survived this long?
Soon to be stepdad is already dead. Cops on the way to OPs house. Will be there is about 30 minutes.
>>687010473
Dear god. How on Earth do people like this exist?
>>687009981
Unless she is fat. I fucking hate fat, fingerlicking pigs
>>687010698
timestamp pic or didnt happen.
>>687010823
really nigga
>>687010855
Because they grow up in a society where feminism is taking the place of good fathers.
Just off the top of my head
>>687008535
>>686993002
your gf is a dumb bitch who doesn't understand your fucking dumb jokes. both of you should kill yourselves.
>>687011069
well this is kinda true. but this isnt the only reason. its not just the parents n shit. its about every fucking thing. school, work, being alone. everything is about fucking crying the shit out of your fucking big ass shithead nowadays it seems. every1 is like: buaaaaah my laif so saaaaad. cant change shit. suicide blabla. attention pwieees.
>>687011500
Also that
seems like in this situation, suicide is the best option. anyone agree?
>>687011846
he's to big of a bitch to end his life.
>>686993002
Kill her stepdad, rape her, kill her, rape her corpse then become an hero
>>687012180
>an hero
>>687011974
true that.
>>687012180
>>687012240
>an hero
There's another thread that's supposedly the dad
>>687010743
>>687012240
>summerfag not knowing what an hero means
>>686994092
this
>>687012818
you know who calls people summerfags? newfags
>>687012640
>>687012712
Shut the fuck up
>>687013058
But y
>>687012999
>>687013207
>>687012999
nice trips, so this might be true
>>687012999
OH DEAR
Yo op, did the chick reply?
>>686993002
Turn it into a joke by saying something like ''But only if you help me take out Trump lol''
>>687013340
Uhh..
>>687013340
>>686995645
>i'm not clingy.
>i just get anxiety when people don't pay constant attention to me.
OP IS A FAGGOT
everyone abandon thread now
I'm done. Either she's dead or she's as autistic as OP and can't decide what to do. Good thread, though, OP. Create more when you want to fuck with everyone.
>>687014335
maybe both?
>>687010151
Real advice here. You're probably the biggest faggot I've ever seen in my life but you can just change. Become broad-minded, DON'T keep on texting her except she replies from now on, break up if you have to, whatever, move on. Women are a very small, unimportant part of life. Don't give a fuck about insignificant shit like this. Work out, go out and never stop learning. Improve yourself in all ways and learn to live independantly (you are still a youngfag). Dominate everything in your life. And very important - NEVER take shit on the internet seriously (except this solid advice I'm giving you). All shit in the real life is mostly not trustworthy, let alone the internet
>>687008224
holy shit, nigger
what the fuck is in that last message you scribbled out?
the last two words are "so sorry"
what kind of pussy fag shit did you write? you gotta give us all the facts or we can't help you properly. you probably fucked yourself and will somehow blame us for this, when it's all on you for not giving us the facts, bitch.
>>687014507
do not feed his trolling faggot
>>687013340
upside down lion
>dat tactical advantage
>>687014724
kek
>>687014724
Other lion would never see it coming
>>687001174
I kek'd.
>>687014634
It's definetly legit OC, nigger. The kind of in which the OP actually kills himself after some time
>>687009714
you dun goofed, bud.
but you can fix it.
all you have to do is poison her stepdad and then tell her it was a joke. girls love jokes.
then if she gets mad, just be like "sorry, i thought you were joking, so i joked back but then i thought you weren't joking so i killed him, but i didn't understand that you weren't not unjoking, so i think i failed, lol."
>>687012999
You know who calls people newfags? Summerfags.
>>686993993
pardon me, but is that a demon's souls reference
>>687015359
I don't know, trips don't lie
>>687006195
Local clergyman maybe?
stop talking to women and wear a helmet
>>687015502
Neither do >Quads
>>687015609
maybe, but only if he was a pedo. otherwise why would he b on /b/
>>687014507
i smell some heresy
>>687008386
>probably
Lol I've been here from the beginning, and those texts were hard to get through
>>687015870
>why on 4chan?
>for the lulz, thats why
>>687010151
All you have to do is close your browser
What the fuck kinda teenage girl texts like that? They usually have emojis or spam lols. The fuck?
>inb4girltypesoutanentireplan
>>687016293
have you met any clergy men that would browse /b/
