Story time, /b/. >be me >Be 24, in uni >looking for
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Story time, /b/.
>be me
>Be 24, in uni
>looking for a job over the summer, something fun that pays well
>start applying to places
>apply to local aquarium, since I was majoring in marine bio
>1 week later, I get a response, they want to hire me
>fuckyeah.jpg
>I go in for interview, etc etc, and get the job 2 weeks later
>get me working alongside the senior dolphin trainer as apprentice
>get to work with the 2 dolphins we have at the place, teach them tricks and shit
>pretty dope, sometimes the senior trainer is out for the day and I get to have fun with the dolphins and do cool shows for guests
>one day, I get an email
>says security guard is sick and they need someone to watch over the place for the night
>I've been trying to move up the ladder at the place so challengeaccepted.png
>I work my regular shift for the day and take a nap in the break room to have energy later
>sun goes down, doors close, and boss leaves me the keys.
>"If anything happens, Anon, don't hesitate to call me."
>ayeayesir.gif
>leaves and I'm now all alone in this huge aquarium
Cont?
>>686468956
ofc anon
>>686468956
Just fucking tell the story.
Bump.
Bumpadump
>>686469262
>That dolphin was Gitler
haglanoobar
Cont pl0x
Either you end up fucking a dolphin or it's fake
Why wouldn't you end up fucking a dolphin, it's b after all.
Dinosaurs are gonna walk or we're gonna end up in Bel-Air /b/. Mark my words.
Google Matthew Brenner you'll thank me
>>686469934
The one and only true dolphin fucker
>>686469732
im here for his sticking his penis in that
>sweet ass dolphin pussy
>>686469720
>>686468956
>so fucking excited, I have the whole place to myself
>decide to walk around and take a close look at all the exhibits, since I've never really had time
>get to the octopus tank. Shits cool m8
>could've fucking sworn he waved at me
>anyway, I make my way around to the dolphin pens to check up on them, it's about 7:30 PM
>they seem pretty good, swimming around and shit
>call the female over, Ally, and give her some fish for dinner, she fucking devours it meng
>holyshit.jpeg
>Then the male, Jack, gets his dinner, he eats a bit more slowly, but still ends up eating more than his share
>I give them both a rub on the head and walk over to some of the other exhibits
>>686469934
Malcolm Brenner
>>686470040
I thought i can upload webm, but it have sound...
>>686469934
Google will know your an illiterate dolphin fucker and auto correct to Malcom.
>>686470095
>carefully inspect everything, I want to make sure I don't get written up for missing something
>fuck around for a bit, time passes, it's about 10:00 PM
>out of fucking nowhere, I hear dolphin squeals
>wtfisthatshit.jpeg
>I run the fuck over there like a Mexican running from the popo
>I get there, nobody in sight, but Jack is missing
>ohshitfuckfuckfuck.png
>I'm looking everywhere, frantically, and then I hear the squeal again, coming from Ally's pen
>I run over and see Jack attacking her
>he was going ham on her, man, full on body slamming and shit
>I find my wetsuit and get it on as fast as I can
>I jump in and seperate them, Jack swims off
>he goes through a hole in the pen walls, it went to his pen
>ohmygod.gif
>I get out and call my boss
>>686471073
lack of dolphin penis, but i hope ally is alright
diners drive ins and dives fuck
>>686471073
>Ally is crushed by Jack's brutality
>try to comfort her
>water is getting warmer
>she stroke over my cock with her fin
> fucking diamond
>>686471708
EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR
>>686471073
>boss was asleep, he was pissed I called him so late, but at least he picked up
>I tell him what happened, I'm freaking out
>he just laughs
>areyoufuckingserious.jpg
>"He wasn't attacking Ally, Anon, she's in heat."
>whut
>he just laughs and tells me not to worry, everything's fine and they see it all the time
>I'm kind of relieved, she wasn't hurt and there wasn't an issue, but at the same time, I wondered why nobody told me about this beforehand
>I end the call with my boss and sit by Ally's pen
>she was over by the hole, calling Jack over, but he wasn't responding
>she finally gives up, obviously depressed
>feelsbadman.png
>I get in and grab one of her toys to cheer her up, and she starts playing with it
Cont pls
>>686472211
toy was a magic wand vibrator and now your going to town on her
>dolphin vagoo
>>686472211
Cont faggot
>>686468956
Type faster, nigger! Time flies fast when you're a faggot
>>686472211
hurry up
>>686472812
>>686472921
I'm vegan and I find this "anecdote" unfunny
>>686472211
>She's super happy all of a sudden, coming up to me and jostling me around
>I decide to leave her be now that she's back to her normal self
>I get to the edge of the pool and start to get out
>out of fucking nowhere, Ally tackles me and I fall back into the pool
>I surface and I'm laughing my ass off, because she's always playful like that
>I play with her for a bit longer, and even gave her an extra fish or two
>I feel her brush my crotch one of those times she swims up to me
>diamonds.png
>I decide that's enough and head back towards the ledge
>she has other plans
>I'm guessing she smelled me and goes straight for muhdick.jpeg
>I'm try pushing her off, but she's stronger than I am, being a scrawny white boy and all
>ohno.gif
>inb4 getting hard on dolphino porn greentext
>>686473276
Your life is a joke
>>686473350
this turned into a rape story
>The day when /b/ fucked a dolphin
>I would probably bang a dolphin ngl
>>686472058
i was trolling>>686471708
>>686473350 then the real story trolled me
>>686473831
>the day when /b/ was raped by a dolphin
>>686468956
you seem dat delusional faggot who shouted "SAUCE!! SAUCE!!!" when a dolphin sex thread appeared here a few days ago
>>686473350
DOLPHIN SEX INCOMING
>>686473350
Dude, wtf
>>686473350
>She's rubbing herself all over me, and it feels amazing
>still wrong, so I'm trying to get away before it's too late
>Already too late, she's got me cornered
>fuckfuckfuck
>she rolls onto her back, and I see it
>dolphin vagoo, pink and swollen
>Boss wasn't lying, she was desperate
>I make a choice, and I don't know if I regret it to this day
>I slip my wetsuit off underwater, letting her see me in my true form
>she smells me and swims over to my diamond rod, rubbing it with her head and body
>feelsfuckinggoodman.webm
Why the fuck is this happening?
I feel wrong to reading this story m8..
>>686474475
>Climb on top of her and start sliding into her.
>Hear boss shouting at me asking me why I'm fucking Ally
>Tell him it was an accident and at least I didn't do it on porpoise.
>>686472211
Dolphins don't have heat cycles.
>>686474475
I bit the B8
>>686474475
I know this is trolling, but shit man, I´m laughing my ass off in here.
Only thing missing is the male dolphin giving him surprise buttsecks and turning it into a threesome human dolphin sandwich of wrong XD
Well, I wanna die
>see me in my true form
Nigga
You did not just fucking do this.
>>686473350
Dolphins don't have a fucking sense of smell, either!
Why am i already jacking off?
>>686475177
That is so great.
>>686475426
Cause this is /b/ and you jack to everything, or die trying.
In reality, this is all the sick, twisted imagination of a female dolphin, that wishes to screw her sexy trainer.
DolphinFanfic.txt
>>686475043
>on porpoise
My fucking sides I love you anon
>>686475725
Plot twist, it was the feminist gorilla´s fanfic all along.
>>686474475
>she took control, guiding me to where she wanted me
>were in the middle of the pool now, and she pulls me under
>I take a deep breath, and follow her
>She's on her back, practically begging me to start
>I line myself up, and take the thrust
I'm gonna tell yall now, if you've had sex with a woman, that is nothing compared to Dolphins.
>It feels fucking amazing, the thing is basically pulling me in farther and farther
>she was thrusting back, and at this rate, I wasn't gonna last long
>the vagoo made its own suction man, it was heaven on earth
>and finally, after what I wish would've lasted longer, I finished, and she gave one last thrust before seperating herself from me
>She swims over to me and gives me one of those "kisses" we had trained her to do for guests, then swims off
>I get out of the pool, still dazed, and dry myself off
>I couldn't fucking believe it
>the rest of the night was pretty uneventful, and I've told nobody about it, not even my wife, who I met shortly after I got back into school
>I still visit the aquarium every once in a while just to see her, and they let me jump in the pool after hours
>She's always happy to see me.
The end, /b/, hope you liked it.
>>686476059
Fake AF also check my 5
>>686476059
Why don't you fuck her more? It's the dream waifu mang.
>>686476352
5s not even once
>>686475043
>boss understands me.
>tells me he has one story about a porpoise
>he was young and wild
>a porpoise prosperously fell on his dick
>goodolddays.jpg
>we focus on Ally for now
>she is on heat and it will be inhuman to deprive her of her pleasure.
>boss hands me lube
>kneeshaking.jpg
>boss hold the dolphin right
>i fuck the pussy so tight
>Jack is watching is distance my might
>my life change that night
This was fucking hilarious
charlie theyre is free sandwich in the break room
>>686475043
>>686476405
merely pretending to be OP
>>686468956
Fuck yeah cont. Awesome
I'm starting to think blizzard took inspiration from these kind of stories for the druid class in world of Warcraft.
>>686476405
Oh no, this one wants to bring Jesus into the story.
JesusFucksDolphin.jpg
So this happened. Don't judge.
> be me
> I often get these feelings of loneliness, as I'm sure we all do
> I have a gf, but sometimes I just feel so distant from her, like I don't really have her, like she's a stranger to me
> I try to look like a normie, at least, so I hide these episodes
> I do a lot of volunteering, so it's always an easy excuse to just say that I'm off to do some work
> In reality, I just drive around the city
> I really like the city, I feel more at home when driving around than in my actual home
> In a sense, the city is like my gf, and I can relate to her
> On the surface the city is gentrified and fancy, but in reality there is some dark shit happening there, a lot of crime and hobos come out in the night
> It's a bit like me: on the surface a normie, but in reality a nervous wreck of a person
> So I go for a drive, sometimes a go for a walk (there are some really nice hills there)
> I almost look adjusted while driving or walking, just like the city does to someone unfamiliar with the bitter details
(1 of 4)
One of you nignogs better cap this shit
>>686469748
ROFLMAO. not gonna stop me from reading glasses it and calling op a faggot. Anyone got any fresh prince screenshotted? I missed out on most of it.
>>686476723
Enough context, now the interesting part
> So I was having one of my episodes and I went for a drive
> While driving around I felt hungry, so I stopped at the nearest kebab kiosk I could find
> Shady looking dude selling greasy looking kebabs, but whatever, I'm hungry
> Eat that sucker in a minute, grease and mayo, and ketchup all over my face
> Was fucking DELICIOUS and extra spicy (I asked for hot sauce, I like 'em hot)
At this point I want to clarify, that what ensued later was not at all worth the great tasting kebab, I don't ever want to feel like I did just a moment later, but I digress...
> I sat back into my car and drove around some more
> Suddenly, I got the rumblies in my stomach
> That gwurrrrrrrrrgh sound and bubbling feeling inside
(2 of 4)
>>686476723
>>686476812
> Now, I'm not one to be easily scared by some stomach rumblings
> But what I felt could be only described as a small nuclear reaction in my belly
> I clenched my anal sphincter and hoped to outlast the storm
> I took off my seat-belt to ease the tension, I undid my belt and the button and zipper of my pants
> Damage control and crisis management was in full action: buttocks clenched, all pressure onto my belly removed
> Alas, that wasn't enough, I needed to go
> And I needed to go fast
> All this crisis management and trying to collect myself and prevent the rumbling soon-to-be torrent of shit from erupting with my sheer willpower
> I slow down
> I look for a solution
> Driving through a once-industrial district, now filled with abandoned warehouses and whatnot
> Drove under this bridge where hobos usually gathered to get out of the rain
> I am not proud of what I did next, but I pulled over
> Took a quick look around, some hobos were there, but fuck them - who are they to judge me?
> My pants were already undone, so I just pulled them down along with my underwear, squatted near a concrete pillar and let 'er rip
> The smell was strong and acidic, I knew then, that only worse things were to come
(3 of 4)
>>686476352
>be me
>playing yugioh with friends
>like 7 years old at the time, game was cool as shit
>want to win so badly even though i have no idea how the fuck to play
>shuffle in a special card and place it near the top, practice shuffling so that it always ends up near the top
>duel with this kid named danny
>he's pretty much the best in school
>everything going well
>draw my card
>instant poker face
>second and third draw, make my move
>place all 3 cards down
>everyone is just looking at me
>even the danny kid is dazed and confused
>mfw I put down 3 aces in a yugioh duel
>mfw only card game I knew how to play was poker from watching my dad
>mfw all my friends were watching the duel
>mfw
>>686469720
You go boy you know where your tongue has to go
>>686476723
>>686476812
>>686476923
> As I squatted there, pushing out torrential burst of liquid shit mixed with stomach acid, even the hobos moved a little further away
> As if to indicate the extent of my downfall and utter shame
> Soon after came a burning sensation
> A feeling some of us are too familiar with, I assume
> The burning on its own was bad enough, but I felt that a large clump of fecal matter was making it's way towards my sphincter
> My sphincter, however, after it felt the burn, was not so eager to open up and cooperate
> What came next was a sharp feeling of pain as my asshole started to tear
> Which, paradoxically, made it clench even more
> I collected myself and with all my remaining will and determination pushed one last time
> The turd hit a ground with a satisfying thud/splat sound and I felt some relief
> Little did I know then, that what lurked behind the turd were the remains of the acidic poop cocktail that I shat out and witnessed in the very start of this ordeal
> There I was, squatting (now because of pain, as the final drops of my liquid shit had already left my body) in a puddle of diarrhea, with my asshole dripping with blood, hobos watching me in disgust
Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it goes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKOc2S1AkjE
(4 of 4)
>>686469415
You goose
>>686477002
Shit anon you reminded me of an ill-fated episode that happened to me..
> Be me
> Be around 20yrs old and in the university
> Drive a car to there everyday, because taking the bus is too fucking expensive
> One day drive the car to an afternoon class of Probability and Statistics
> O the things they make us learn in engineering
> Bored AF in class, doing exercises
> Suddenly I start feeling some pressure in my lower belly
> At this point I should point out I'm lactose intolerant to the point where I don't drink milk or eat any yogurt at all. Cheese in small quantities is usually okay.
> But that day it wasn't
> Pizza for lunch, I still remember it was a cheese and ham from LIDL
> Shenanigans start happening
> I let a prolonged but silent ninja fart rip
> The stench of Sum Ting Wong is up in the air... Hear my colleagues commenting about it but didn't blow my cover.
> A few more ninjas follow with their sleek moves
> People are getting visibly disturbed
(continued)
>>686478013
(continuing...)
> At around half-an-hour until class finishes, the pain starts
> I feel the motherload coming!!!
> Start sweating heavily
> God I hope none of you guys is ever lactose intolerant...
> Play my cool face and leave the class saying I have another class starting.
> Actually sprinted to the bathroom
> When I get there, no more pain... Feel okay again
> Class is almost over and I just said I'd leave so no point going back.
> Go to the car and start driving home.
> Not 10 mins into driving, the pain starts again...
> This time it's even more excruciating!!!
> I start twisting and turning inside the car praying for a solution to my misery
> A few km ahead there's a fuel station
> Park the car in the disabled spot
> Run into the fuel station and ask for the bathroom keys
(continued)
>>686476059
Or is it?
That wasn't the end
here's the true end
> months passed
> Ally is pregnant
>Gives birth one day in my 3rd night shift
> there is a human-dolphin fusion coming out of her
>ohgodno.png
>she starts bleeding too much
>she stops moving while I call my boss
>tell him ally is dead
>taking that creature into my arms
>it has legs and human head
>but dolphin body
>run away from the acuarium
>it starts following me
>imnotdoingit.gif
>but I did
>take her home
>have her as my daughter
>waiting for NatGeo's documentary
We are making the documentary right now, i'm having my free time in my room. I'm wanking to the memories of Ally. I'm about to cry.
>>686476059
>9 months later
>baby dolphin born
>wtf.jpg
>anon that dolphin looks a bit like you
>start to get uneasy
>no it doesn't
>next night
>taking night watch again all alone
>hear dolphin noises
cont?
>>686478752
>>686478729
>>686478530
>>686477002
everybody walk the dinosaur. well fuck.
