Almost dying experiences? I'll start. >be me >be 13
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Almost dying experiences? I'll start.
>be me
>be 13 at the time
>during stressful times, I twiddle a pencil of any kind in my fingers
>doing that one day after getting off the bus
>bully who is easily 250+ lbs. had said shit as usual but this time it was worse (and annoying)
>was twiddling pencil
>pencil is launched from hand by physics
>lands behind bully
>andthatsthekicker.jpg
>I think nothing's wrong or he didn't notice
>go to my locker to put up books and stuff
>shutting locker, when suddenly
>Attack of the Landwhales
>I'm pinned against my locker by 300 lbs. of pure hatred
>pic related
>literally being choked
>eventually I push away (and run away)
>told on the kid, got the kid a week of alternative school
>almost died but whatever
Yours?
Last year.
Was going to bed.
Had dentures out and was cleaning them.
Then I was on the floor puking my guts out.
Ambulance comes
Takes me 30 miles away to best hospital.
Had brainstem stroke.
9998 out of 10,000 die.
1 is locked in like Steven Hawking.
1 is me.
Lost some vision
Lost some balance.
Lost memory.
Still ok though.
No poop sack
No iron lung
Got a cane though.
>>686010849
Fell down a tree
>Fucking foot snappe a branch off below me
>Whole right side of my chest ripped skin, blood, the works
>Doc couldnt do anything about it bar painkillers
>Few cm to the left, the snapped branch would have caught my ribcage and I would be kill
>>686010849
Should've shoved that pencil up his ass.
>Be me
>dunno im young, around 4 i think
>walking around pool cause family are in
>dont know how to swim
>slip and fall in the pool
>a good 20 seconds before my father decides to jump in
>mother just sitting on chair watching me being pulled out (she denies that)
>dont really rememebr how it went, vision was getting darker while i was sinking
>still dont know how to swim to this day cause fuck that shit
>>686012540
>18 now
>>686010849
>today
>driving 100 dollar chineese illegal scooter on sandroad before real road starts
>suddenly car appears in front of me
>front brakes lock up since its fucking gravel and a piece of shit bike
>luckily I wasent going that fast so only got foot hurt a bit from landing on it
>be me, 18yo
>playing badminton with a friend
>suddenly falling to the ground
>diagnosis: sudden cardiac arrest
>getting reanimated by a person playing next to us
>paramedics and doctor arrive 5 mins later
>therapy: defibrillation
>return of own cardiac rhythm after 15 mins
>woke up 3 weeks after that in a hospital with artifical respiration
>spent another week in intensive care unit
>doctors don't know the cause (may have been a myocarditis)
>returned to the real world
>up until now everything is fine (happend 4 years ago)
Yo guys, OP here. I'll add more unfortunate stories l8r.
>be me
>walkin on the street
>slip on banana peel
>have an aneurysm
>in the hospital for 10 weeks
Yo guys, OP here. I'll add more unfortunate stories l8r. c:
Yo guys, OP here. I'll add more unfortunate stories l8r. c: :d
>>686010849
>ITT: some kid tells us what happened yesterday
yeah i'm sure you were in such danger , pencildick
>be me
>start reading this thread
>Be me on holidays on some island
>see sign "secret beach"
>yeah i need to go there
>go wring direction, end up on rocky coast
> decide to climb over rocks until secret beach
> see beach but first need to climb some other rocks, there is small distance of water inbetween
> only 2m max.
> get into water, want to climb out at other side
>suddenly wave gets me
> be in wave, see crabs and rocks around me
> thrown against rocks
> happens 3,4 times
> finally get out somehow
> bloddy and shocked
> fuck secret beach
> still regret not seeing it
>>686011568
My hero
>>686010849
>be 6 years old
>fucktard who can't swim yet
>almost drown in public pool cause i'm a stupid cunt
>pass out after a few secs under water
>wake up on bench, rescued by some random dude
>cry
>get over it
>>686010849
>be 6th grade
>double pneumonia
>if i get up and walk around, the vibration from my footfalls dulls the pain in my lungs but I feel like vomiting my spine up
>if i lay down my stomach settles by my lungs are stabbing each other with ice cubes
>everything is SO FUCKING LOUD
>hear doctor two rooms away tell mother I probably won't survive the night
>massaging showerhead dulls lung pain while letting me lay still
>realize i'm inhaling mist when I start coughing phlegm all over the bathtub
>mother brings me vibrating massager
>fall asleep (FINALLY) with it on my chest
>wake up in the morning it's half melted from running for hours under the blanket over my chest
>Oh, hey! I'm not dead!
>mom asks if I want anything
>ask for glass of milk
>two minutes later i projectile vomit cottage cheese
>pass out again
I was curious
>Be me 8-9
>Found a few batteries on the ground outside
At the time I thought "Whats inside a battery?
>Find a axe laying around
>Chop the fucker open
>Get fucking battery acid in my eye
>Run over to my mom crying about my eye
>Go to the hospital
>Have to get a cup put over my eye and flush it out
No medical bill tho because Canada
>be me naked
>squat
>insert jar in my ass
>it shatters
>blood flowing out of my ass
>no panic, i start taking the glass pieces out
>still can get it up the ass
>buy my mixtape
>be 12
>trick or treating with friends
>nigger shows up with flashlight
>starts robbing us for candy
>blow rape whistle and shine flash light at his face
>he actually stabs the kid right me and cuts the kid next to him
>grabs one kids hand and tries to take of
>he was blinded by my flashlight
>runs into a telephone pole and starts bleeding and cursing in dindu
>couple adults tackle him
>police show up same time parents show up
>ambulance shows up
>all parents are fucking chewed out by some police livid that we were let out without a chaperone at night
>adults give the remaining kids and i all the candy we had
>cop slips me a $20 for using the flashlight and rape whistle like a hero
>Be me
>Fucking OP's mother up the ass while >OP is at school. OP comes home 5 >hours >early because OP got kicked out >of school >for smoking scorpions OP's >mom get's up to get her belt to spank >him but forgets to take my dick out of her >ass. MFW half my Mark Magillicuddy is >ripped off.
>was about 10 or 11
>I'm in the boy scouts, I generally don't like it but some friends are being made to go thier by thier dads too so w/e just do it so I'm not a quitter
>we have been on a few camping trips before, generally shitty, something bad always happens
>first time got bit by a tick, dad tried burning it off and kept missing and burning me...
>second trip we are cleaning fish er caught and my dads gutting them and I'm holding the lantern.
> I get lazy and put It down on rocks, it becomes unstable, falls about to go in river my quick reflexes grab it and I grab the glass and burn the shit out of my hands. Second degree burns, no light, and I get my ass beat...
> all stupid shit like this, fuck boy scouts..
>so we go on a long camping trip for liek 3 days a state away
>we get there and our camp is on the other side of the river from the highway, takes a hike to get there and you cross a river canyon over a long suspension bridge.
>sheer walls on both sides of river atlesst 150 feet high
> so we make it to camp, there's a big mess hall maybe 300 feet away from cliff with the tall mountain side right directly behind it.
> there were also two other areas, to the north a field for tents with a small bridge, and to the south a small clearing at a lower elevation with a bridge as well.
> so were all having fun, chilling, doing outdoors shit.
>day 2 comes....
cont this story is long so I'll post again after finsih typing in like 5min
>be me
>im like 5 maybe 6
>first week of kindergarten is over and my mom wants me out or the house
>spending the night with my neighbors daughter who is also in kindergarten
>they have a rescue fighting dog
>"dont open the back door, the dog is out there"
>idgaf bitch
>open the door
>reach to pet the dog
>launches for my face and bites out my entire cheek
>im crying
>ends up missing my artery by an inch
>severe wound on the face, hand, and side
>"oh fuck lets put some ointment on this kid"
>turns out im allergic to dermabond
>my mom picks me up and drives me to the hospital and i look like a smashed watermelon
>still afraid of akitas
>>686010849
>almost died
You're retarded.
Got Tboned at an intersection and woke up 18 hours later.
Not really that bad, they had to remove my appendix, a little bit of my spleen and a shard of glass. I was out in a week.
Look both ways before going at a redlight right after it turns green.
>>686014624
>>get over it
years later still posts about it on 4chan
>>686013707
Moral of the story, if you play badminton you will die from faggotry
>>686013976
If this is true, how do you feel about being a fucking living joke?
>>686010849
>got dropped off in Saigon straight out of boot camp
>didn't know what the fuck I was doing
>was a terrible shot so they gave my a flame thrower
>they told me it doesn't actually work very well at killing and that it's just to intimidate charlies
>fucked up when reloading it for the first time
>it blew up in my face
>third degree burns all over my body
>medics saved my ass
>got sent home two days later
>>686014482
Is you kill?
>>686013707
>anon is literally a badminton zombie
>>686015912
uh, look uh, would you mind givin us a selfie?
>>686016158
You can do that on a laptop? Show me how and you got it
>>686010849
Got in a crash about 9 years ago. Didn't have seat belt on so when I crashed and the airbag deployed and I bounced up over the top of it and hit the roof of my cab and split my head open wide enough that the EMTs said my brain was clearly visible. Doctors said there was 0 chance for me and my family should pull the plug, but they weren't ready and a few weeks later I woke up. Got a TBI, took a lot of recovery, but I'm doing good these days.
>have to travel across england
>get on train
>train passes through rochdale
>50 brown terrorists get on
>continues through dewsbury, bradford
>hundreds more paki terrorists getting on the train
>oh god this is it this is the end
>loads of them have backpacks
>some of them are fiddling with phones
never again
>visit my aunt in birmingham
>niggers as far as the eye can see
>go in tesco to pick up a cheap frying pan because aunt doesn't have one and i like fried breakfasts
>get to the aisle with pans
>they're right next to steak knives
>niggers are right there too
>at least 6 niggers in the same aisle with all those knives
>grab a frying pan and run to the checkout
never again
>>686015280
>day 2, same as day one, rains a little so we go get hot chocolate at mess hall and warm up before dinner
>food was generally shit so I didn't look forward to it, we eat then stay up for smores and go to sleep
>day 3 comes, its early morning and its started to rain again, pretty hard.
we continue out the day as best we can
>rain subsides again so we go to shoe some bows down at the south clearing
>we are there about 30 minutes and this is the funnest shit we got to do I want more of this.
> rains the hardest it has rained we get told we need to leave and head back to mess hall cause its to shitty out.
> so we head back there, dad wants to make sure he put the rain fly back on securely so he heads up and tells me he will be back Ina few.
>we all get in the mess hall and about 5 minutes later a tree flies through the back of the building into the kitchen and the cooks freak the duck out and start yelling at us to all get the fuck out and run for the main bridge.
>we all run for our lives like crazy children
>one boss as bitch stays inside and is the last one out and makes sure everyone is out safely before she runs. She was later given an award or some shit for saving lives, she totally deserved it too.
> so we are all running and as soon as we make it to the bridge I turn around and look and I see the whole entire fucking building being swept off the edge of the cliff by a land slide taking out the whole camp.
> I notice my dad isn't with me and remember he went to go fu k with the tent and I see the small bridge he crossed had been wiped out as well and I don't see him.
>during this pause I get picked up and forecfully moved with the rest if the people
> we get across the canyon and far away to safety
> everyone starts doing a head count and they come up with the right amount of people and I tell them that that are wrong and my dad isn't here
> they don't fucking listen and won't fucking have it. Just deny and deny
cont
>Instructor says do your first 15 second delay SKYDIVE
>for the first time I am cocky
>I wait like 18 seconds feelin bad ass.
>go to pull (handle, no pilot chute)
>handle will not fuckin budge!!!!!
>Pull arm out again to keep from spinning
>pull handle for second time, it is stuck
>15 seconds until I hit ground
> I AM GOING TO FUCKIN DIE
> not afraid just feeling like incredible failure
> look down and un-jam handle pull hande, chute opens
>>686016318
most laptops got cam (thx 4 service)
>Be me
>I'm 2
>Sick, coughing a lot, parents bring me in to the doctor
>Doctors figure out I have MRSA, not only that but it's already started making tiny holes in the tissue of my lungs, which are collapsing
>Lungs also surrounded by fluid, pressing in on them
>Transferred to hospital
>Have several chest tubes to keep the fluid from building up
>Need an oscillator to keep lungs inflated
>Doctors think I need ECMO to get the CO2 levels in my blood down
>They don't do it on children at the hospital I'm at
>Transferred (by helicopter, I was at a point where I could die any second) to another hospital that does do the procedure
>Turns out something else they changed at that hospital (forgot what it was) brought the CO2 levels down, ECMO wasn't needed
>Cool heli ride though
>Eventually recover
>Still have mild asthma though
>>686016817
> I get taken with this family a few hours away to a disaster shelter and they call my mom and tell her my dad is missing and presumed dead.
> he ended up making it to safety by running to the top of a waterfall that was up there and was found by a fire rescue helicopter.
shittiest day every, almost die, think my dads dead, get kidnapped.
oh and did I mention this group of people was 95% Mormon. Now I hate them to this day.
>13
>Hit by car and I get launched through a nearby house window..
>Old lady in the house fucking screams.
>Docs say all okay, no broken bones,just a nasty cuts from the glass, and some wicked bruising.
>alwaysdrinkyourmilkkids.avi
>be me
>be 12
>be boi
>after lessons
>teacher asks me to come to talk to him after school
>o shit waddup
>after school
>teacher puts my dick into her pussy
>nutted but she still sucked
>almost ded
30 years ago
>running up a hill towards a cliff edge
>happen to know this cliff edge doesn't drop right off but has a ledge about 2 feet over the edge
>people behind me running up
>lol gonna fucking make them scream and trick the shit out of them
>run up to edge and fake scream
>fall over expecting to land on ledge and hide
>ledge has disintegrated since my last visit
>keep falling
>bang head on rocks
>sleepytime.jpg
>wake up in life raft with broken legs
>cry
>>686012832
100 Bucks? Jesus did this shit come with an engine?
>>686017978
Fucking kek! Retard
I was installing the mounting rings/studs for the outside wheel of a caterpillar 797 haul truck. The operator holding the ring and mounting jig above me was nervous, he decided to squeeze it extra tight.
I was below it guiding him in, when he squeezed the metal on metal made it shoot out, in which it bounced off the final drive assembly and landed where I had been standing. I did a pretty knarly action hero dive to get out of the way, it took a giant gouge out of the hardened concrete floor where I was standing.
If it had not of hit the final drive assembly during the fall it would of landed directly on me. The ring/stud assembly plus the mounting jig combined probably weighed around 1500-2000 pounds, which would of hit me in the face.
Also.
In JLG man lift removing saddle block from Bucyrus 495 shovel, guy operating the man lift put us in line of fire to check the alignment of the shaft as it was being pulled out. We were about 40 feet in the air, at the same time the shaft popped out, saddle block was attached to rigging and a crane, which then swung out and smashed us while in the man basket. The saddle block without any grease in it weighs 31 000 pounds. We were shot backwards and smashed off the back of the man basket railing and the entire arm shook and almost sling shotted us out of the basket.
Good times as a heavy equipment mechanic.
>>686010849
>be me
>13 years old
>on bus
>kid throws pencil at me
>try to talk to him about it at school
>he flips out and runs away
>go home and cry because I have no friends
>>686017978
Are you genuinely autistic?
I saw OPs face
>>686011568
if thats true then id start buying lotto tickets if I were you
>>686018206
Why do you enjoy the blue-collar lifestyle so much?
>>686017827
You've been watching way too much TV, pal.
>be me
>12 or 13 at the time
>at a stadium with friend in bouncehouse
>doing frontflips and shit like a pro
>the bouncehouse was next to at least a 15 ft drop, but area was covered in fence
>suddenly everyone panics
>wtfishappening.jpg
>suddenly i lose my footing (only had socks on so i slipped)
>the fucking bouncehouse is deflating
>im in the far back
>fall back into fence
>wait what the fuck its loose
>welp this is it
>prepare to fall down this fucking drop
>suddenly mexican kid in my class jumps through the deflating bouncehouse and opens passage for me
>"cmon lets go!"
>he grabs my hand and we both get out
>do a frontflip as i get out
>thank you mexican kid
>be on bustrip to go on skiing holiday with highschool
>everyone asleep
>suddenly hear loud screech and sparks flying everywhere
>busdriver drove into the fucking crash barriers
>a huge metal plate is sticking out on the right side if the bus
>tfw the bus hit the barriers it was swining like crazy
>tfw this was on the autobahn
>>686018984
And yet, you don't hate wetbacks. Damn, you're weird.
>>686012540
that happened to me too, around the same age
>be learnin how to swim from ma
>she tells me that I need to wait to get in the pool until she gets back
>leaves me by the pool
>me, being an ignorant little shit, jump in the pool
>fuck mom, she doesn't know what she's talking about
>underwater looks weird, and I'm just kind of sinking a little at a time
>I don't move for a short while, just looking around
>can't breathe, but don't think this is a problem
>mom jumps in and frantically pulls me out
>yells at me for the first time ever, telling me not to ever scare her like that
>she held me close, I wasn't afraid but she was freaked out
>one of my first memories
>now I love swimming and going underwater
>I've almost drowned 5 times since that
>I'm still not afraid of pools, but I'm definitely afraid of the ocean
>>686011568
You sound like a nice man. Stay well grandannon.
>>686018646
I make a retarded amount of money.
Also I spent 3 years in college prior to taking a trade, I have an IT diploma. After getting the diploma I worked for 10 months in that field and decided I'm an idiot and hate sitting in offices for 8 hours a day.
Now I fix the largest mining equipment in the world.
>>686010849
>be me 16 and being sleepy
>it was hot as fuck so i have a great idea
>fill the hot tub with water and go in to relax
>listen to some progresive house and sleep
>father comes in and takes me out of water starts giving me mouth to mouth
>shit is weird so i just go with it
>they thought i was going to kill myself and tot his day they still give me crap about it and lectures
Pro tip: If you're going to kill yourself buy caffeine powder and snort it. Very fatal in easy to snort dosages, cheap, and easy to get.
>>686019366
Kek m8
>>686019352
Why don't you like using your brain?
>8
>Trying to hang Lego jet in window.
> Fall out of bedroom window from second floor.
>Legs hit concrete. Torso and head on grass.
>breaks pelvis, nearly tore femoral artery.
>be me
>drowned
>be revived
not trying to be funny, it really happened
years later i had a hypertensive crisis and it was way scarier than drowning
>>686010849
>Me being 8 or so
>End of swimming class
>Instructors bring lots of things to play in the water
>One of them is this big square of plastic or rubber that floats in the water
>Many kids in the swimming pool
>They throw this square and it lands on top of me
>Kids climb on it
>I'm underwater, and had to open my eyes to look for an exit
>Those seconds seemed like minutes to me
>No life movie btw
>>686014818
shit man
>>686011814
Something similar happened to me
>climb mountains as usual
>been doing this for years (professional)
>one day, the forecast says "possibility of light rain"
>go outside anyway
>only a couple of clouds in the sky
>arrive at location
>start climbing up the mountain
>an hour later, be high above the ground
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>suddenly feel a water drop land on head
>look up
>dark cloud
>oh shit
>start making my way down
>rain starts pouring down
>this is it
>this is how I die
>slip
>fall for I dunno how far
>land in tall tree and hit every branch before I hit the ground
>three broken ribs
>both legs broken
>both arms broken
>concussion
>ripped skin on back, stomach, legs and arms
Luckily a family on a biking trip found me.
2 years later, full recovery, still climbing.
>>686019672
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertensive_emergency
way worse than drowning, i rate drowning a 6 out of 10 by comparison
>>686019744
Survival Tip: your eyes can see in clean underwater without pain or discomfort. It's the chlorine used in pools that gets you.
>dumbass teenager hanging out in the forest
>get loaded on cheap hooch
>there's an abandoned factory not too far
>walking along girders ~70ft off the concrete
>nearly fall
I'd kick my own dumb ass if I could.
>>686020061
I have fucked up eyes then, cause it hurts like a fucking motherfucker just with normal tap water (Denmark, so good tap water here.)
Got hit by a train while being drunk, got away with only minor injuries.
>be me
>GCSEs exams 4 years ago
>used to have a pen with a deely bopper thing on it
>used to grip my thumb at the top of the pen and flick the spring during exams
>pretty good stress relief
>notice black dot on rist
>dont care, I have exams to do
>at home a week later
>black out
>wake up in hospital
>hand is in cast
>tubes up my nose
>doctor tells me crushed an artery in my wrist through trauma
>nearly died
>welp
>still have pen
>still flick pen
>good pen
>>686015699
he's talking about a story, not rehashing how he felt when he drowned
damn you're a dumb bitch
>>686019607
Go trouble shoot advance hydraulic systems and then come back to apologize about your current level of stupidity.
Google what a Hitachi EX8000 is, and then try to grasp the hydraulic operating principles. I currently work on those and the Bucyrus 495 shovels.
Formerly worked on Cat 797b haul trucks, cat D11 bulldozers, cat 24h and m graders. And all other smaller equipment such as excavators, loaders, dozers, and haul trucks.
>>686020061
Yeah people tend not to know. includes sea water too, I dive without goggles sometimes.
>>686015071
Not all cops are dicks. Good work anon.
>>686020231
It's probably cold, keep them open past the initial shock. Fight the urge to shut them and it'll become normal
>>686016452
>>686016745
samefag posting stories about being afraid of niggers and sandniggers instead of being angry
>be about 8-9
>go to [spoiler]friends[/spoiler] party
>the idea is to sit in these ring inflatable looking things with steel bottoms and ride down a ski hill
>get to bottom and wait for friend
>rammed in the fucking head by a metal ring hurtling down a ski ramp
>wake up in a+e
>lucky to not have died, apparently.
>>686020645
youre probably right, cant say ive ever tried to do that.
>>686019744
pretty much this exact situation happened to me
>>686015216
This is poetry for the mind
>Be me
>Be 200 pound muscular black guy. at the time.
>receive facebook message by future waifu for the first time
>Whatthefuckishappening.jpg
>I can feel all of my veins and my heart beat
>I've felt this before in my sleep, it felt like i ripped myself from arms of death last time, but I cant do anything about this
>wake up in hospital
>heart attack
>fucking heart attack
>find out i have a heart arrhythmia
>can not stop calling myself a faggot for almost dying because of a message
>My closest friend had a heart arrhythmia too, he died not too long ago.
>The fucking faggot couldn't even walk his dog
>Cant stop thinking i'm going to die when/if I fuck waifu.
I dont want to die yet.
i think a lot of people have really close calls, it's the matter of a few feet to the right or the left is the reason a lot of us are still here, and that some unfortunate ones aren't (and then a gif of you taking a iron fence post up the ass gets posted in a rekt thread, nice legacy)
>driving down the highway, far left lane
>dumbass semi up ahead in front of me
>gaining on him fast
>i'm going a little fast maybe, not enough for a ticket even though
>decide to pass on the right, don't usually do that
>notice the semi looks far to the left side of the left lane, straddling the median
>blinker on, into the right lane
>hear a faint "pow"
>see this massive wooden stake get picked up and flung behind the semi
>would have flown right into my windshield
if i had done anything just a little differently there, i might have been wearing a wooden spike through my forehead, thanks for the good fortune god.
I've got 2 or 3 stories
>be me
>4 or 5 years old
>visiting family in Mexico
>mum asks me to put on bug spray
>dont know what the fuck it looks like
>look under sink
>see bottle with bug on lable
>can't figure out how to spray it, so I dump it's entire contents on my face
>mfw it was home pesticide
>mfw chemical burns on eyes ensue
>mfw run out of house and black out from pain
>wake up in hospital with pumps on my eyeballs
>get a lollipop
Cont.
>>686011568
Did you lose the ability to greentext too?
>be me and brother mid 90's
>parents go to harbour often, and take us with them
>being bored and there being a massive heatwave the fjord has dried out
>we get the idea to cross it on foot
>we get about halfway and notice theres more and more big waddles of water left, so we turn around
Apparently thats not entirely safe, we walked about 1-1.5km and went back
>>686015071
Really? stabing a kid for candy?
Even for a nigger this is low
>>686015827
Only important question ITT
>>686020373
Double Pneumonia guy here.
I feel ya. I'm a commercial/industrial electrician and I regularly unfuck OS on laptops that my coworkers bring me, so everyone asks me why I'm an electrician instead of an IT. I will never understand why people don't realize how easy reinstalling an OS is, or why people think my job isn't MATH as fuck.
>>686020373
That's like a retail worker describing the intricacies of keeping a store clean and ready for maximum shopping potential. There's probably a science in there somewhere, but it sounds retarded when it's actually brought up. The knowledge to learn is extremely light and superficial, especially if it was conveyed by a 30-year-old instructor in some sort of trade school.
>>686021719
Dunning-Kreiger in full swing.
I program PLCs for industrial machinery
If I've ever almost died I don't remember because I'm drunk half the time
Last december i was going down a road around 50-60 miles per hour, thenroad had no division from the other side, and it was a pretty busy route. I was approaching a curve and went for the breaks to begingg slowing down. They failed. I swerved to my right to avoid incoming traffic and my car lost control. I tried regaining it by steering left. The car swerved to a patch of wet grass, started doing sideways spins. I hit a light pole on my right rear amd the car took to the air, spun like three times in the air and landed upside down. My whole backseat was gone. No airbags deployed. The passenger side was completly caved in (if someone had been with me they would have died). I came to, tried to get out of the seatbelt, but it was locked. Luckily I'm a cook and had my knives, i reached for them and cut myself free, crawled from the wreckage as fast as I could. Not a scratch on me. Not even a cut from the glass. I honestly don't know how I'm here writing this.
>>686022455
Well not half
Just at home
>>686021719
Trade school for these jobs is 8 weeks per year. My trade is 3-4 years depending on wether you are specializing in on road equipment, off road equipment, or both.
All the instructors are ancient, injured, fucked up old men that are too fucked to do the job anymore. So their wealth of knowledge is retarded.
The curriculum itself is basic operating principles of engines, electrical, transmissions, hydraulics. If you did all 4 blocks of school you'd still be a fucking dumb ass.
You gain your knowledge through hands on experience, some equipment is easy, some is more complex. Especially if it's newer because there is more electrical involved vs more simple mechanical aspects of the older equipment.
The book/school knowledge isn't very extensive, but when you have know the ins and outs of specific equipment and their systems it's the equivalent of knowing everything there is to know about different OS systems or networks.
It's all a science just different kinds, also a lot more dangerous and fun.
>>686010849
When i was a kid i ate labernum seeds thinking they were pea pods.
''All parts of the plant are poisonous, and can be lethal if consumed in excess. Symptoms of laburnum poisoning may include intense sleepiness, vomiting, convulsive movements, coma, slight frothing at the mouth and unequally dilated pupils''
>>686015703
I kekked
>>686022977
>2016
>admits to being a cuck
>near cuck experience
>>686021363
Under rated post
>>686023209
That's pretty cool.
What made you choose such a specific area?
ok i have one story, its not a near death experience as such but like most of these where i would have been in deep shit if i'd done anything slightly different
>be walking home from school, headphones in listening to music
>walking down one of those really tiny uk roads where theres barely enough room for one person to walk
>reach bend in road, notice shoe lace is untied
>being the stupid 15 year old fuck that i am, i reach down to tie it up in such a way that my head is out onto the road(tiny road with room for 1 car going one way at a time)
youcantellwherethisisgoing.jpeg
>halfway through tying my lace when suddenly, without any thought as to why, i stand bolt upright
>car flashes past
>proceed to walk further up the road and practically hug the hedge while tying up my shoe.
its strange that if i'd taken a second to think "why do i want to stand up" or "i'll stand up when i've tied my lace" i would either be dead or brain damaged at least.
Nice to that at some level you're always looking out for yourself
>>686020563
>>686021655
>believing everything you read on the internet
summer is coming
>>686023793
seconded
>>686023858
>walking home from school
>headphones in
>tiny uk roads
where's darwin when you need him?
>>686011568
>the day elderanon defied the odds and lived to shitpost another day
>nevar forget
>>686023921
well for niggers nothing is off limit ya no.
But yeah, most of the stories here are probably bullshit anyway.
> be 8 at the time
>swimming at the pool
>doesn't know how to swim
>decide to go to the deep end because wave simulator was going on
>waves.exe initiate
>try to jump off the ground to keep my head above water and make it to the end
>grabshandlebars.jpeg
>enjoy waves like a happy faggot
>wavesfinish.exe
>realize I'm too far and too deep to get back to shallow land
>all friends and family elsewhere
>decide not to be a chicken and try getting back
>takesdeepestbreath.com
>goodbyehandlebars.png
>feet touches ground
>water level doubles my height
>It was at this moment, I screwed up
>Realize am in deep shiz if I don't do something
>Push off the ground and try to reach surface
>Fingertipsfeelair.mp4
>continue like that for a good 20-30 seconds, swallowing water and panicking like a fuk.
>out of nowhere, fat white lady picks me up, embraces me against fat boobs
>canbreath.exe
>life saved.
>>686023824
They don't have much for heavy equipment where I grew up. So I originally wanted to be an automotive mechanic. When I graduated high school my mother said she would kick me out and not pay for me to go to school to be a dirty mechanic. So I took business and IT.
I moved across Canada to Alberta and worked on oil sands sites and wanted to fix the mining equipment once I seen it. And eventually go an apprenticeship and switched over to it.
Funny thing was I did 3 years of college for IT and business, she kicked me out after my first year and I ended up having to pay for the remaining two years by myself anyway. Cunt of a woman.
>>686010849
>Be me a Royal Marine
>8 years in and done some shit
> third tour of Afghan, on patrol in vehicle with 3 chums and a Rupert
>IED blows vehicle 40 feet in the air
>everyone else - not a scratch but dead
>I'm not so lucky, lose both legs at knee
>shoulder smashed, 5 ribs broken, jaw broken, eye socket broken, eye destroyed
>have 50% chance of survival
>get on chopper 40 mins later
>Docs say later it's dropped to 5% at this point
>get to Bastion
>2 days later I'm in Birmingham
>Alive but crippled as fuck
>Life over at 26
>that was nearly 10 years ago
>Worst part?
>I went to fucking Birmingham
>18
>At work last year; first real job (during summer break from school)
>One week away from noping the fuck out of there
>Mattress factory in AZ
>Pushing carts with mattresses and shit into an isle
>Putting labels on mattresses
>Guy driving forklift moves big ass boxes with building materials onto top shelf next to my isle
>Nigger pushes box too far off the edge
>Big ass box almost flattens me
>Scraping gum off shoe.gif
>Mattresses I was pushing stop mattresses from falling on me
>Laugh it off
>Go home a few hours later
>about 5 or 6
>at a park with a man made lake for paddle boats and further out real boats
>older brother and I playing in the playground/sandbox thing
>getting our legs sandy, then going in the lake to see who will go out the furthest
>apparently a drop off that makes the lake really deep, didn't know
>walks out too far, slips, and is pulled by the currents
>bobbing up and down, calling my brothers name and drowning because idk how to swim at this time
>can feel lungs filling with water, panicking and losing consciousness
>see my brother dive into the water
>black out
>wake up minutes later, being resuscitated by my dad
I had a fear of drowning after that, and instead of not going near water again I became a really good swimmer to fight back
Still afraid of heights for a different non-near death reason.
>be 16
>In Norway, 2nd home of the trolls (1st is /b/)
>staying in this park full of huts next to a lake
>bored one morning
>decide to rent a pedal go cart
>our family hut is next to a cliff, 300 ft slope of rock and tree
>being me, i drive around park, not giving a fuck
>get to house, mean to turn right into drive
>instead, twist wheel to the left and spin off cliff edge
>fall 50-70 feet
>go cart lands after I do
>smashes into soil and loam inches from my face
>narrowly miss rock near head
>no inuries
>now content britfag at age of 24, unharmed, unfased
>>686024582
You were a royal marine. Thats cool mang
>be me, 11yo
>holidays at seaside
>one day
>beautiful beach in a windy day
>really windy day
>huge tides
>playing with dad and dad's friend in the sea (water is just 50cm)
>a tide 3 times my height comes
>pulls me down
>rolling few times, head hits sand, can't get out
>"it's over"
>tide passes
>stand up
>take a deep breath
>play again with tides
>>686010849
I have ITP. Almost got in a car accident on the way to the hospital.
Australianfag here:
Growing Up experiences I have had that almost cost me my life:
1) Ate rat poison when I was a kid. Mum was nurse and fed me medicine to make me vomit.
2) Made bamboo spears when I was a kid with sharpened ends. Mate threw his at me and it would have gone through my skull had I not deflected it off my ninja style with my own spear.
3) Bitten by a redback spider when I was a kid. Rushed to hospital for shot of anti-venom.
4) Abseiling in rock quarry. Rope dislodges boulders high above me. Look up to see them coming and dodge sharply clear of them moments before they hit me.
5) Young adult. Had a bender on amphetamines and heart went into atrial fibrillation. Into hospital where they electrically stopped and restarted my life.
>21 in afghanistan
>step on IED
>no battery
>21 afghanistan
>truck in front of me hit 5 times
>webm is the only one i caught on camera
>21 afghanistan
>clear are with minehound
>crew sets down apobs
>right onto deep buried ied
>15-20ft away
>hes only a vest and foot now
>>686012832
Its funny, because you can buy a used electric scooter for 150yuan in China, that is about 20 dollars.
>>686024204
you tend to get bored the hundred time you walk past row after endless row of hedges.
but yes lesson learned, dont tie your laces with headphones in and head sticking out into the road
>>686025994
holy fucking shit nope nope
>>686015952
Anon Kill
>>686015006
oh you
>>686024582
ha birmingham
bad luck to patrol with a rupert
>>686010849
gr8 bread
>>686026290
wrong lesson. don't walk anywhere near the road with headphones in. unless you have a clear sidewalk, take them out. thousands of years of evolution have made our ears very keen to the sounds of danger (e.g. cars)
>>686025994
>>686026314
Heres the guys foot
A couple more
>afghanistan
>ANA troop leans over next to me
>pick AP mine out of ground
>blows his hands and ankle down off
>afghanistan
>after long firefight
>grab extra ammo from truck
>take piss
>recoilless slams into the side of the buffalo
>pops tire
>pissed pants
>>686021363
> on a phone
Very hard to greentext. Not worth the effort.
>>686027246
Heres his foot
>>686027319
Did you take it with you for good luck?
>>686027441
no lol wasnt my video
I was concussed to shit and lying on the ground
>be me 6
>don't know how to swim
>Always play in shallow end of pool
>Crawl around on the ledge of the pool like Spiderman into the deep end and back into the shallow
>Realize if I would've let go I would've been in deep shit
>>686026744
clear sidewalk?
i think things are a bit different in the uk, the pavements are never clear what with all the parked cars. anyway you usually dont have to worry about being run over unless you decide to play in the road
>>686024582
>everyone else - not a scratch but dead
Huh?
>>686021705
See, now THAT pic should be in a REKT thread. Who the fuck did that?
>>686021705
Office politics blow also, there are politics at every job but office stuff is foolish.
Also in IT you work with a lot of sand niggers. And when I was put in a position to tell them what to do they would not co operate at all because at the time I was only 22 and they were all 30-50 years old. Boss didn't want to deal with them so he'd use me as his little interpreter to deal with their bullshit. They expect younger generations to woreship them and I would curse at them like a drill Sargent for being ignorant and they would run and tell on me.
>>686010849
>be me
>>686014909
Neighbor kid did that one day, fucking kid couldn't finish school that year. (happened around March, school got out around June.)
Fucking autistic kid, hated him.
>>686029167
i did the pipework.
the questionable math scribbled on the wall was done by the first guy who tried to get all those pipes through there, but i pretty much tore out everything he'd put up and started fresh. if you check his math, you'll figure out why.
>>686024365
And thats where your fat fetish came from.
>>686021705
Nice rat nest you git there
>>686017242
Was mormon for 12 years, totally understand. "Kids are priority" may be good a idea, but they always forget about other adults, especially when you get a mom that was Primary teacher for like two weeks trying to take charge of the situation.
>>686029967
I meant to compliment the conduits, but only thought of it afterwards.
My eyes were drawn to that hate crime of wiring.
I confess though, now that I look at those calculations, I would rewire all that too.
>hazmat ops
>dodge bullets for a living
>literally, dodged bulleta in Iraq, not military "contractor"
>AQI sets up an ambush
>blow up the truck ahead, they were Iraqis not associated with us, lel
>they start ridding the highway with bullets
>hit the trooper next to me, he starts bleeding everywhere
>grab the gun off him and start shooting
>worse shot then AQI but fuck it
>here the guys yelling at me to get back across the road
>what about bleeding bro
>bro tells me to come back after the thunder
>o, i uh oh
>run back, covered by soldiers
>hear this "grrrrrrooooooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr" sound
>look up, A10, looks like a fucking dragon
>hear "thud thud thud thud"
>AQI stops shooting
>head back to wounded bro
>he made it out but fucked up his back and shoulder.
Got more
>>686030545
the wire wasn't me, only the pipe.
i didn't have the camera until after they'd pulled the wire, though.
