Hey /b/ -- I have something to share with you. >>be me.
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Hey /b/ -- I have something to share with you.
>>be me.
>>strange girl at work starts talking to me out of nowhere
>>humor her and listen
>>she tells me that she's really a dragon and that a demon lives in her pussy
>>realize this bitch it literally batshit nuts
>>she finds out my personal email address
>>starts emailing me really fucked up poems and stories... eventually starts sending really fucked up nudes
>>this is has been going on for almost 8 years
>>i'm going to share the best tonight
pic related. it's the kind of shit she sends me.
Well I'm waiting for a timestamp.
OP here. Here's an email she sent me a while back.,.. Subject line: THE DAY I TONGUEFUCKED CHRISTOPHER LLOYD'S ASSHOLE
They called me over.
My Mabeline skills were renown.
I was The Cover Girl.
He cut his chin shaving.
It happens to the best of them.
Easy fix.
A little foundation, an oil based concealer, some powder to kill the shine.
Done.
As I walked towards the trailer door, he called me over.
His voice like gravel in a garbage disposal....
He had an air about him.
Old and wrinkled, his breath smelled of stale coffee.
He cock his brow and smirked.
Made some quip about being over the hill.
I smiled.
He reached down and produced a flaccid penis. It looked like the trunk of a dead elephant. Gray and dry. Wrinkled with age.
I did my duty.
Poorly it seems.
Not a drop was spilled.
"don't feel bad kiddo." He said. "let me show you the button that turns me on."
He bent over and spread the cheeks of his ass. His asshole was puffed and protruded, from years of unwiped shit and suspected stapler insertion.
The area around his anus and in his crack was a deep gray. It smelled of soured milk.
With closed eyes I sucked his shithole.
The bitterness on my tongue grew the deeper I inserted it.
I worried about picking up a parasite....
"GREAT SCOTT!"
A thick yellowed semen poured from his limp meat as a stale fart met my lips.
He slid a 50 from the pocket of his slacks and ruffled my hair.
My work here was done.
Let's see 'em
This one is called: TACO LIPS
Kiss me with those taco lips.
From back of the barn yard.
Black eyes and spittle.
You piss with great pressure. Cowboy man.
You never piss in a toilet, but always on the grass outside.
The you spit on the foam.
"Fuck yeah, I pissed here!" Your actions tell the world.
Kiss me with those taco lips.
Fiesta and sunshine.
You make me want to taste myself.
The night is coming soon. Then you'll dance with the dragon.
Three Things I Can Do With a Corn Holder
He balanced it on the tip of his dick.
No. Fuck that. Rewind
dniwer .taht kcuf .oN
He balanced me on the tip of his dick.
PRINCESS, PLANKING CHAMPION 2011.
His hearty laughed echoed thru the valley.
“HO HO HO”.
He stood about 20 feet tall. A droplet of green sweat trickled down from under his lettuce helmet. The moistness of his green skin made my vagina damp with anticipation. NEPHELIMFUCK.
That night, I removed his loincloth, only to be met with a disgusting sight. Giant it was, but uncut. Disgusting jewcock dangling in front of my angry lips.
I knew I had to fix it.
I stomped to the kitchen. I could feel my cut drying. I WILL NOT BE ON SCHINDLER’S LIST.
I opened the drawer and removed the yellow plastic corn holder. TWO PRONGS FOR JUSTICE.
Time for an old fashioned circumcision.
>>685884225
lurkin and jerkin
OUT OF CONTROL
Tense the stomach
Teeth grind
Rapid intake of wind.
SPLASHDOWN
Immediate relief
FUCKING REPUBLICANS
Last night I blew a nigger in back of a burnt school bus.
How's that for poetic justice.
His breath was rank with soured collards and an unidentified pork product.
It made me feel so dirty, I had to shit my thong to feel clean.
Things are not the same without jeff.
The longest lover I never had.
I'm going now.
To do something unpredictable.
Wut?
Timestamp or not, you can't make this shit up!
>>685884889
>_>
>>685884225
Post the pics, less rambling bullshit
WEAPON OF CHOICE
He's always favored socks.
It started with sock balls, thrown at my face from across the room. We laughed.
Next he slid his wallet in one - that one pissed me off a bit.
He loaded his weapon of choice with various ammunition. Car keys, marbles, stones. It evolved from a feeble projectile, to a whip of wrath. Oh how they stung...
Last night, he crossed the fucking line.
As I slept, warm and quiet in my heavenblanket, he pumped a hot shit into his yellowed, dirty tubesock.
On unsocked feet he crept - across the hardwood floor.
1 2 3 times. Hot poop sock to the face. Square in the face. The stink of it made me wretch.
The force of impact leaked his shitjuice, I could fucking taste it.
Fucker. He'll pay.
I'm cooking dinner tonight...
Please. For the love of god, compile these all and put them in a dropbox. Or a book. I genuinely enjoy this weird shit. More backstory on her? How it started? Do y'all talk in real life still?
oh you gotta post the pics.
post pics fag
>>685885093
OP HERE
here's one...
eventually she straight up told me that she wanted to hook up.
I told her no. That I didn't know her and I didn't want to sleep with a strange cooch that might be unclean.
This was her reply... and email with the subject: CLEAN ENOUGH????
>>685885102
/b/ro... i literally have HUNDREDS
She's been emailing me since 2007
>>685885385
her tits are caved in
>>685885385
fuck that's hot as shit
>>685885633
would you stick y our dick in that?
proof of the "clean enough" exchange -- the aftermath
>>685885385
are t-those t-t-three pairs of t-tits?
>>685885385
tanks /b/ro
>>685885385
I remember this one creepy girl in class would not leave me alone. She would follow me around and shit and just sit on my lap talking about her toys and the drugs she's done. I think she was schizophrenic.
>>685885920
holy fucking kek m8
dont care if fake
>>685884384
i fucking love her
>>685885920
>2009
>>685886244
Who doesnt
op deliver moar
>>685885920
i have the weirdest but hardest boner right now
>>685885459
I NEED MORE OF THIS SHIT IN MY LIFE GOD DAMNIT
>>685886026
KEK
proof that she emails me this shit...
btw her email address is defunct. she changes them like once a month cuz she's nuts. go for it....
>>685886026
Kek I just saw that
MORE OP
she sounds like she browses /b/
checkem
>>685886631
>fuck you nigger!
LMAO
>>685886631
>>685885920
>>685884384
>>685884693
>>685884780
>>685885097
please refer to: https://encyclopediadramatica.se/Bookofglitter
all copypasta
>>685887027
So is this crazy lady fake?
This one is titled: MARRIED TO PAUL BUNYON
A girl couldn't do better. A famous husband, a rugged outdoorsman. He cuts timber with a 10 inch dick.
Flannel and Old Spice. Hot damn! My pussy's wet!
I whistle happy songs and do my housewifework. This log cabin is my home.
We eat deersteaks at the table. Fresh butter and greenbeans.
We fuck by the firelight. I cum, and the moon explodes.
It's winter time, a crucial season for my husband. His busiest time of
year. A horsefly fell asleep on my freshly lain shit.
I've been lonely.....he's been cold an working in the woods.
His hands: Chopchopchopchopchopchop
My cunt:Throbthrobthrobthrobtgrob
Idle hands do the devils work.
"Yo bitch!" I heard the yell, it came from the stable. It was Babe. He's always
wanted a piece. But I'm not into animals these days.
I tossed him a bag of Ox-Feed.
Much to my surprise a giraffe has giving him a rim job.
He beat her in the neck with a lead pipe and grabbed me by the throat.
"Hop on my big blue dick. NOW!"
He ordered.
It didn't seem negotiable.
I complied. Omg omg omg.
It was fucking sweet.
His shorn ox balls slapped against my swollen puss.
I fucking loved it.
That furry blue oxcock filled me like a foot in a boot.
1cup shortening
3 large eggs
1tbl spoon of lynx semen
3 cup of flour
Mix and roll out on a plate. Sit it in front of my hot ass for 5 seconds. I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!
I fucking love Christopher Lloyd. Best thread I've seen in a couple of years right here.
>>685886908
Could it really be OP?
>>685887027
you are correct... this article is about here, but SEVERELY flawed. Her name is Lindsey, not Diane. For example.
I posted her back when this started. and /b/ raided her blogspot.
I am now the only keeper of her work.
>>685887237
real person originally, just very old copypasta. haven't seen it in years.
note OP hasn't shown a screenshot beyond 2009.
OP here.. She will occasionally email something that is not a poem or story. Once, she was on a "I am GOD" kick... so, she emailed me "patch notes of existence"
On 11/23 Lifeforce Inc. (A Southern Company) will release patch 7.3.
Intervaginal Teleportation will finally be available.
However, this service may not be available for use unless users meet the
following requirements:
Users must empty their bladders inside the neckhole of a cooked turkey
before noon on 11/25. Fez hats are optional.
Also, users will now be allowed to reach GLITtErLAND on foot. The directions
are as follows:
In the parking lot of Cookeville Wal-Mart, stand underneath the tree that
look like a bent dick.
Hold in your left hand the missing gold spike of the Transcontinental
Railroad and dial #772 on any Verizon Wireless device featuring a ringback
tone by George Strait.
A portal will appear.
Have fun!
P.S.
Jeff is behind on child support. My lawyer will be in touch! Pool Noodles!
>>685885385
Don't fucking do it OP
pic seems legit
>>685887671
NP... screenshot coming up
>>685888444
check'd
You get very interesting things when you google her email. she loves the casual hookups.
>>685888444
OP here. the screenie above is a couple of years old. Randomly, she will send me "psychic reruns"
meaning duplicates of message that she already sent but feel i either did not read, or ignored out of spite.
she does odd things like this.
there's also a whole series of emails where she jams various fast food promotional items up her ass, then reports on the experience in vivid detail
Sounds like my kind of girl got a recent address she sent ya from for... scientific reasons?
Lurkin hard OP keep postin
>>685888824
simply googling "enslavedmaiden" will likely turn up many results. most of them her.
she used to post this a lot of this on blogspot and tumblr but has since removed them
since i've known her she has used at least a dozen email address.
She says the "Cheetah Police" track her. and she deletes them to cover her tracks.
OP are you from Moses lake WA?
>>685889319
she is back to emailing from [email protected]
MOAR OF THAT EVIL
>>685889499
nope. I am in middle TN
true queen of /b/
here's a simple pic of her in her "enslaved maiden" clothes...
bunptastic
>slightly curvy
>>685889869
does she travel? im kinda in love
MAN HARVEST
Fields of flesh stalks.
Penis in leaf armor.
Ear of dick, unshucked.
Indian women rejoice.
YOU REAP WHAT SOW!
I planted his seed in my fertile soil.
Pink Dirt Pocket.
Society fucked me.
YOu MuST WEaR PANTiES.
Sunlight denied, the seed never grew.
Plenty of water, but alas, no light.
When I suck a dick. I go balls first / head last.
I give blowjobs backwards.
(a prawn shit that out)
Like the droplet of sweat on the ass of a mule, we do our work.
STAND PROUD MEN OF BULGARIA!
We use the pickled scrotums of our forefathers to craft crepes.
We feed the hungry cheetah cubs- from Honolulu to Saskatchewan.
I can sleep at night, can you?
does it feel belittling to know a genius in person?
>>685889614
Sent an email I hope to have long loving lasting relationship with this beast. I'm gonna have too.much fun fucking with them.
email titled: THE TRUTH ABOUT CHRISTMAS
Here's the truth about Christmas as revealed to me by the ghost of MC
Hammer, the lost apostle.
Jesus was born not in December but in April.
Mammon the fire-demon was actually birthed on 12/25z
S A N T A
S A T A N
Red Black
Do the fucking math.
He's not laughing he's calling your mothers Ho.
You people need to read your history.
The Catholics secretly keep the necromonicon in the vatican archives
Every dead pope will be revived in 2 YEARS to rule
Over the world.
God was killed in 1942. His avatar came to earth but was poisoned with Mr
Clean in his Chex cereal.
This is why neo Nazis are bald.
think people
OMG
Don't even get me started in bohemian grove.
>>685890232
anything suggest shes into chicks?
Why are people so bad at censoring?
>>685890493
Like, why even bother?
>>685890493
everyone email OP
RIP OP
email she sent after i turned her down, again:
You know what? FUCK YOU.
I have thrown myself at you time and time again.
Made myself a whore for you. Who I don't even know.
Shared my deepest secrets and thoughts and poems. Hoping that you might be the one man to understand me and like me for me, before we met. All the other guys see me and how sexy I am. They all wants a peice of this. but they never know the girl inside. I wanted things to be different. and I thought you were THAT GUY.
But I was wrong AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGIANG
Jeffrey -REDACTED. Bastard of all the races of people.
I've sent you my dark secrets but NO MORE> YOUR TIME IS UP>
Sacred of sex. what bullshit with sprinkles on it. You are ten inches deep in some trash tennessee mountain slut right the fuck now i bet.
This is the last poem you will ever read. The last majestic sparkle ever to glisten from my pen to your worthless eyes. YOU FUCK BITCH OF MEN<
JEFFREY -REDACTED BASTARD OF PEOPLE>
When everyone cries, it is because he walks in the room.
His is a bastard. AN ASS BASTARD<
FUcking with girls minds and heart.
BUT NOT FUCKING THEM!
WHAT THE FUCK ass
PORBBLY GAY I BET
ASS
A>S>S
YOU reek of shit and sweat you corn eating fucker.
You stupid limped dick snot fuck.
Go fuck your sister you bohunk mountain son of a bitch,
You beared ape shit.
You are hogshit and flies you turd salad.
>>685890493
>>685890564
>>685890564
what
>>685890493
>>685890564
well shit
this thread just entered phase #2.
can someone make a compile post of contact info i wanna keep up with this/score some insane poon
>>685890564
That file name.
>>685890744
soo.. why didn't you fuck her?
>>685890744
ROASTED BY THE GODDESS
>>685890808
OP here... aww man. why you gotta go and do that.
just for that. I'm gonna stop sharing.
thanks in advance for blowing up my inbox
neckbeard confirmed. but continue the story
>>685891197
please baby no i need you rn
>>685890808
>>685890564
>>685890493
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
>>685891197
Don't blame me. It's your fault for not properly censoring.
Of course, this result was probably intended, but I don't really care. Whether it's actually yours or not, someone's inbox is getting fucked.
>>685891197
I love you op come back
>>685891197
your inbox? fuck that, I'm getting in contact with her. you're not the interesting part here.
im still not over that fermented shit thing.
please let this live baby
>>685891519
go fuck yourself you worthless ass gasket.
your father should have shot you into a sock
>>685891519
good job, cunt
>>685891800
vacuum sealing your anus sounds like a recipe for rectal prolapse or am i mistaken
>>685891874
Welcome to the thread. Stay mad.
>>685891519
kys neckbeard fag
>>685892005
>you're an asshole for making an already visible email even more visible
Alright.
>>685892207
Ok.
I WILL SHIT ON MOMS GRAVE FOR THE RETURN OF JEFF
>>685892046
no thats, pretty much accurate. but why would she, why would anyone, just do that to make sure its a thing that happens?
>>685891197
Dude pls continue it is making happy realizing how normal I am.
>>685892286
email was visible, but you made him leave
or are you to fucking stupid to realize that? fucking pathetic "not me lolol" cunt
>>685892476
same. masochists ftw
>>685892286
i literally hate you
>>685891519
Fucking teach me your secrets you fucking wizard
>>685892800
troll traitor cock
so uh, if you guys could stop haxxing my gmail, that'd be great
>>685884225
>this has been going on the almost 8 years
nigga what the fuk
>>685892955
op its only the few bastards who are fucking with you the rest of us love you please let it slide.
>>685884225
You didn't put your dick in crazy, did you?
>don't
This thread just got really lame.
i want this to last forever
that one kid had to show everyone how "clever" he was and fucked the thread
>>685893395
is there anyway to revenge him. can you sage him? he did did fuck over anons identity
>>685893395
Nah, bitch... Such is /b/. We are a cruel nation. And if you don't respect that... Jump off a fucking cliff, faggot
>>685892609
It's his choice to leave.
>>685892783
That's OK, man. I still love you.
>>685892800
It's simple. Just make the selection in your favorite image editor, then adjust the levels.
Keep in mind that it won't work if someone's not a dipshit and censors properly. A transparent-like look is a dead giveaway that you can do this.
>>685893655
kys cunt you wanna think your god troll but you dont know shit newfag
>>685893614
>sage
That just makes your post not bump the thread.
>he did did fuck over anons identity
Jeff fucked over his own identity.
>>685893831
That guy isn't me, but thanks for the compliments anyway.
>>685893655
bite the hands that feed us got it, you absolute moron
>we are a cruel nation
don't cut your mouth corners on your edgy dick you pathetic cumguzzling bitch
>>685893961
thanks for the clarification cunt
not op here. actual jeff here. AMA, but stop hammering my goddamn gmail!
>>685894299
You're welcome. I just figured it would be best to direct your anger at the correct person.
>>685894454
>sign-in attempts
I will apologize for those. I assumed everyone would just send spam.
>>685894454
ayy r u lyin bb?
>>685894454
can you make a fresh thread with fresh content?
>>685894245
>implying /b/ isn't supposed to be edgy and full of assholes
Fuck, it's summertime again, huh?
>>685894678
screenshots don't lie
>>685889869
>>685885385
Is that thing even human? Much less female?
>>685894897
yes, and i have quite a trove of images of her. the candy thong with pubic hair sticking through the candy bits is ...epic.
>>685894897
she is a god. enslaved maiden is hot. any pussy?
>>685894454
jeff, someone is trying to talk to you on hangouts. see who it is.
>>685894454
>>685894672
Also, I'd like to add that I would delete the images, but they're too old for deletion.
age baby
>>685895102
it's nobody interesting, because they're on hangouts.
>>685894454
>real jeff
As if.
You just hacked his fucking account! If that even is the real one, it doesn't even say the goddamn address in full
>>685895509
nup, it's me. thought i'd poke the 4chan bear, since due to an accident i was unmasked by someone
don't believe it's me? proof:
>>685896208
>proper censoring
Nice.
Also, pic related.
>>685896208
I love this thread so much.
>>685896208
Why do you bother with this vile woman, though...?
>>685896848
she messages me. i just read it when it comes in. it's like a neverending train wreck: you cannot tear your eyes away.
hey hodson.
Don't use the paintbrush tool in mspaint to cover shit up. It doesn't.
>>685897174
i didnt, that was someone else
>>685884225
you dont deserve whats happening to you, faggot. no appreciation.
>>685896208
Why does this make me want to vomit and have a boner at the same time.
>>685897174
i have a mac, i use pirated photoshop for that shit, boss
>>685897116
We should hook her up with chris-chan. They'd be perfect together
>>685897484
she hooked up with 11 4channers in 2009 or 2010. it was interesting.
>>685886631
>Cunt pit
Top kek
>>685884889
>had to shit my thing to feel clean
Woooooooooah
>>685885385
>>685896208
Op we get it. This is some girl you fucked. You like to fuck weird girls. It's ok . Just dump whatever pics of this beast you have and we can all be on our way.
>>685898743
negative, ghostrider. i've never even seen her IRL. it's been email-only.
>>685899012
Your original post says different.
is someone archiving this??
>>685891874
gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket. gasket.
