QUICK I NEED A WAY TO PASS A DRUG TEST
INB4 DON'T DO DRUGS
I HAVE 10 MINUTES
While filling the cup close your eyes REALLY tight and think about jeebus
How did you get on 4chan in jail anon?
>>685858301
Kill yourself. They won't test you if you're dead.
>>685858301
>I HAVE 10 MINUTES
>>685858494
This
piss test hair test or blood?
>>685858579
They will, actually. Especially for suicides
IM CHUGGING AS MUCH WATER AS I CAN IN THE SINK
WILL THIS WORK?
>>685858920
Piss
>>685858952
kek
>>685858952
no you're fucked unless you get someone else to take it
>>685859211
Shit
I'm gonna bail, what do you guys think?
>>685858952
YOU BETTER DRINK MORE
Do you know what drugs they test for? Some places just test for the harder shit, some test for weed and the hard shit
What drugs do you ingest?
Hurry up faggot
get someone elses piss
>>685859454
If you can bail then do it, most tests check for weed, coke, amphetamines, and opiates
>>685859503
I smoked three bowls right before work, they hit me with the surprise test
don't do drugs
Drink bleach it will clean your bladder
>>685859818
Fuck you
Instead of pissing in it, jizz in it. They will be so surprised they will forget what they were testing you for.
>>685859619
this. get someone else to fill a condom with piss (non lubricated) then tie it off and tuck it up under your nutsack to keep it warm. wear tightie whities. put a safety pin in your pocket to pierce it with.
>>685858301
piss in your mouth then spit it into the cup, saliva will break up most drugs.
>>685859805
enjoy unemployment bro
>>685859895
degenerate
Depends what kind of drug test it is
Hair tests are becoming way more common now, and they can track you back 18+ months. And don't think about shaving your head, not only is that suspicious, but you don't necessarily need hair from your head.
Get waxing faggot.
>>685859895
But he's right. If you weren't a boring manchild, you wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
And you Mcdonald's workers want 15 dollars an hour KEK STUPID ASS.
get your dick caught in your zipper while trying to piss in the cup... make sure there is lots of blood, and a few faggoty shrieks probably wouldn't hurt
>>685858301
Oil change
Every piss test I have taken they just tell you to remove your jacket and empty your pockets before going into the bathroom.
You fill a vial to a line and urinate the rest into the toilet. You're not allowed to flush.
So you'll need some urine kept warm (they usually make you wait an hour in the lobby first) hidden inside your pants.
I've never had anyone stand and stare at my dick while peeing, so not sure why the fake cock.
>>685860021
This. I work in a drugs testing lab and the enzymes in spit fuck with the test. Only way I know to pass a drug test.
>>685858952
Not if they do a specific gravity test on the sample. It will detect that type of game.
>>685859963
This is actually good
You faggots fell for the b8 again. OP said he only had 10 minutes 20 minutes ago.
>>685860778
OP is kil
>>685860219
>boring manchild
Someone's projecting.
Hurt yourself so you can get out of it do some thing to go home or hospital
>>685858301
you're a drug addict, you're gonna end up either in prison or dead, you shouldn't even worry about failing a drug test.
Go to the bathroom, tell them you just pissed out blood and need to see a doctor
Improv from their
>>685860646
They do in the Army.
>>685859805
Depending on your HR department you might be able to ask for help with drugs and get away with a suspension.
I doubt it though kiss your job goodbye druggy scum.
>>685860852
>projecting
More like someone observing that the people around him that get into problems like OP are boring manchildren.
>>685861054
ahhhhhhhh, that they do.
good times.
>>685861709
see kids, this is what someone reasonable says. to /b/tards nowadays everything is "projecting". fucking pathetic.
>>685861709
Normal girlfriends get abortions.
Problems like the one OP is having are because he is dating a crazy cunt.
kek op is probably being fucked rn
You're fucked unless you can get ahold of clean piss. If you can, piss in the cup, let the cup get to the right temperature, pour it down the sink, and pour the fake piss in.
>>685858301
clorox under your fingernails, put your fingers in the piss
>>685858301
Either mix with salt to Fuck up the test, or go outside and buy someone's piss.
>>685858301
If you have any warning in the future, fill a 2l bottle with water, put about 4 tea bags in it, leave it over night, then fill a smaller bottle from that, hide smaller bottle on person, use smaller bottle to fill pee cup (find way to hide it inside pants). they just test for each drug individually so it wont come up as jsut being pee. and you will also need to find a way to keep it warm
>>685861951
>le boring manchildren
>I am le superior water drinking non-drug user
>I le laugh at you plebs and your marijuanas
>*tip*
I didn't know Quentin was still around.
>>685860952
>smoked weed
>drug addict
Stop being so uninformed
>>685863442
Ay, why you gotta be disrespectin' the world's greatest film director?
>>685863600
typical drug addict statement.
>b-but its a plant
kys
>>685864105
Tea:
>plant
>psychoactive
>addictive
I don't care about your response, because you just got btfo.
>>685864105
you're a fucking bigot, sometimes I forget there are people like you
Drink a ton of water? If it passes through you fast enough it will work. Or just fill the cup with water
>>685858301
Sorry OP.
>>685864320
xD bro u sure got me xD
>>685864320
>>685864397
lmfao you can tell by how mad they are that this dude is right. fucking druggies
>>685858301
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxQP_VTvu40
>>685858301
Why is a dick there?
just don't do drugs. it's that simple.
>>685864797
This guy might have some words to say about this topic.
>>685859966
This guy knows stuff
>>685864881
its a prostetic cock. whip it out, piss from a resivuar thats heated by hand warmers, pass tes.t sorry if text. drunk.
>>685859805
honestly you wont pass so just quit, atleast then you didnt get fired for failing a piss test
>>685859881
This
>>685859805
I had a guy, at my old job, show up while drunk. Apparently, if you tell your employer that you have a problem and you want to get help, they can't fire you (at least where I am). I don't know the finer points of this, though, and I DO know that you actually have to seek and receive treatment (A.A. or something). If you don't go to meetings or show up high, again, you're out, no questions asked.
>>685864797
kek, I haven't smoked in a month cause I hadn't felt like it, I think I might now, just cause I can
>>685860646
Probates and Military Personnel are usually monitored during their test.
>>685858301
drink a gallon of water take a b vitamin bam your pissing yellow water
"accidentally" pee on the lab tech and then apologize when you can't fill the cup
Ok this isn't foolproof but I know a few people who have used this. Piss before the test, or pee into the sink just get rid of the pee inside your bladder. Say you cant pee then ask for water, chug a fucking lot of water till you have to pee. Pee until about 2/3s through the piss. Then pee into the sample cup bag or whatever. The theory is to get rid of pee that has had time to be inside your body, and giving a sample of water that has only quickly passed through.
Kill yourself
