What's the weirdest thing you've put your dick into,
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Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
What's the weirdest thing you've put your dick into, /b/? I masturbated with an eclair once.
>pic related but not me
Tried masturbating with toothpaste for lube.
It hurt. A lot.
>>685799711
my brother
>>685799711
i put my penis in a woman's vagoo
0/10, would not do again
Custard toffee donut with chocolate glaze. I was eating it and some custard oozed out of a hole and I got instantly horny. Just had to fuck it.
Best sex I ever had.
>>685799853
that's disgusting
>>685799711
My mouth
>>685799711
Tried cucumbers at first. Microwaved them but they were too small in diameter. After this i tried a watermelon but it got chunky in the microwave and a cold watermelon was unpleasant. After this i tried fucking my own butt, which was difficult because you had to have a semi soft dick but still hard enough to get in. It was all in one day
>>685799813
owwww
>>685799711
a burrito
>>685799900
Pastries are fucking sluts.
>>685799711
I made one of those corn starch flashlights. Wasn't fun
>>685799711
I put two salsbury steaks in a plastic bag jacked it with them while they were still hot. I recommend it.
>>685800248
Two separate bags? Or one bag for both?
>>685800378
it one bag. sandwich the benis between them. small amount of gravy is optional.
The oral b of my little sis up my ass
>>685800587
Kek'd
>>685800587
Anal-b
>>685799711
My own mouth. Did it some 3-4 times.
>>685800587
which end?
I fucked a sock em bopper once. Wasn't even mine.
>>685800901
the thick one, and i put on a condom
Just fuck a banana dude, that's the closest you can get to a pussy.
give me a sec ill post my apparatus. all you need it some foam like out of a couch cushion, a knife to make a slit, and a rubber glove. its pretty high level.
>>685801010
I tried it couple years ago. Much better without condom.
Baked egg plant. Cut the end off, wait until it's cooled to the right temperature and slide your dick in. You won't be able to tell the difference from a real vag
>>685799830
Fuckin nice.
>>685799711
>Mcdonalds
In you burger that you just ate few hours ago
used butter as lube. i can say i cant believe its not butter
>>685800587
>We did it! We did it! We did it! YEAH!
>>685799711
A trap
>>685801451
I've fucked two McDonald's burgers before they were cooked when I worked there. They both went in a big mac and were served to someone
A hole in the ground.
A man's butt.
>>685801851
in public?
>>685802147
Well, in the woods
it was pretty mediocre
like a 2/10
>>685801847
none of your coworkers notice?
>>685799711
Weirdest thing I've fucked is probably an alpaca.
She was OK, but not something I feel I really need to do again.
>>685802644
Took them into the bathroom, not that anyone there would have cared much, some fucked up stuff happened to peoples food
>>685799711
My hand
>>685803414
You're disgusting
my eye actually. no i'm not joking.
I put a hammer up my ass once. Not sure if I was having an orgasm or if I was in pain.
>>685801909
Delicious.
>>685802303
You consider 2/10 time be mediocre?
I once put a huge desert spoon up my ass spoon end first. Still have it to this day but Ive never used it since then
>>685801592
Good pasta
My friends and I once made a pact to lose our virginity before then end of high school. I ended up sticking my dick in a warm apple pie, but one of my friends fucked our jock friend's mom. Good times.
>>685804741
Fucking an apple pie doesn't count as losing you v card
>>685804741
Putting my dick in food means I'm not a virgin?! Holy hell I gotta find a nice jello mold!
>>685804741
apple pie doesent sound to bad tbh, may try that one
>>685804996
Don't burn your dick
>>685804741
your life is the plot of american pie? thats crazy
>>685805123
thanks ill be careful
>>685804896
Don't worry, I ended up fucking this crazy band chick who stuck a flute in her pussy
Has no one here put their dick in a cucumber?
>>685805163
This guy...watch out for him.
>>685805317
I put my dick in a cute pair of panties.
>>685805317
It wouldn't fit
>>685799711
I bought a tied up brisket.
Even warmed it up in the oven.
Looking back it was a waste of perfectly good meat and money.
>>685805552
why not eat it after?
>>685805552
Yeah, you have to slow smoke that shit for it to be any good. Live and learn I suppose.
Ur mom
>>685805654
Finally, the voice of reason.
>>685799711
a rottweiler, well at least the tip i couldnt make it fit all the way but it was nice nonetheless.
>>685805468
Who's panties?
>>685805512
How big is your dick bby?
>>685804896
It's a movie reference you fucking cuck
>>685805817
My sisters at first, but I have my own now which is nowhere near as weird.
>>685805738
Ohh, doggies count as weird? In that case 2 dogs. and tried a chicken, They have sharp claws
Go to lowes.
Find the drywall section
Buy readymix mud crap
Go home, take it out of the box
Spread oil over the plastic bag
Have fun. Feels better than anal
Join the mudfuckers
>>685805817
Length would be fine but girth, no way would fit in a cucumber
>>685805995
i dont even know anymore... /b/ has ruined my sense of whats weird/unacceptable forever i think.
When I was like 11 I would stick my dick in empty shampoo bottles. Squeeze all the air out then touch it to my dick and let it suck me in. Lucky me it worked like a discount bathmate
>>685805738
That's normal.
I fuck dogs all the time.
And mares.
>>685805654
Spicy
>>685805654
I have recently been into using non-lubricated condoms without flavour or any sort of powder/coating
I would be perfectly happy fucking some food item with those on and then cooking/eating it.
But that one time it was a mess, I used lube when I could have just done with the blood and juices of the thing. that and I took my dick out of the condom and came deep inside the thing. feltgoodman.
>>685805683
I actually have access to a smoker, getting a pink ring on it seems like it'd be pretty good.
I have a theory of using garlic butter as lube and then fucking the hole with a non-lubricated condom using garlic butter. I'd have no problem eating that after it was done.
Masterbasting I call it.
>>685799853
>>685806504
>Masterbasting
fucking keked.
Pic related
>>685805163
>>685806504
i kinda wonder how cum would change the flavor of something like that, might add a nice accent to it.
>>685806318
I used to do that too intil it got stuck in one, I can still recall the pain
>>685800193
Kek
>>685806345
Details on mare dicking pls.
>>685806955
That's why you squeeze the air out. Once you're in a bit of air comes with you and you can just squeeze again to get out
>>685807182
Like what kind of details?
They're really warm wet and horny when in heat and massage the hell out of your cock.
Not so wet or active when not in heat but they will still let you if you have a good relationship with them.
If they know you're a good sex partner they will try to rape you if you ignore them and they want cock.
>>685806902
Well It would depend on your own diet.
Apparently if you have alot of fruit in your diet your cum tastes sweet and nice. the waterier(?) the fruit the more impact on cum it has i.e. watermelon, coconut, grapefruit
If you have alot of acidic things like lemons your cum becomes sour.
This could be used to create a variable ingredient that adds protein and vitamins to a dish.
In the case of a brisket it may be wise to intake lot of vinegar or grapes to bring about that familiar barbecue taste, maybe lots of hot sauces to really spice things up.
The only thing I would recommend is not to add more salt, season your cum only with pepper.
>>685807616
Feel sorry for you guys and how small you must be if you can fit in a shampoo bottle.
>>685799900
Gave Boston a creampie....
>>685808045
I don't think it adds any noticeable flavor.
I used to cum in food all the time.
Especially sandwiches for the kids.
Also blasted off on salads too.
That was erotic watching my young daughter eating a salad with my cum on it. Especially when I can see the stuff there on it, but it you didn't know what it is you wouldn't even notice.
A dead pigeon carcass. Was 16 then I think. Horny as fuck. It was stiff, cold and very tight. No vagina beat that to this day.
>>685808110
>When I was like 11
Do you even read?
>>685799711
Your Mom.
(how has no one said this yet?!)
>>685799711
A subway pizza sub
>>685804078
Claw or ball peen?
>>685808826
Its tricky for some
I rubbed my dick with a post-it, then cleaned myself with the same thing, because I had no paper around.
>>685799853
what the hell man, fucking disgusting
>>685807910
>mare rape
>>685807910
All the details
>>685808858
Because this board is 18+
>>685800129
>>685799711
My fleshlight
>>685799711
My ex was never a sexual person. She gave me blowjobs but never let cum in her mouth. Towards the end when i knew things were coming to an end. I ended up getting 2 six inch subways, one for me, the other for her. While waiting for her to come back for lunch, i opened her sandwhich and blew my load in it twice. I enjoyed watching her eat the sub.
Microwave burrito
Tissue box
Wet wipe box
Between the couch cushions(who hasnt)
>>685808943
Claw
>>685799711
inside of a jalapeno pepper. fucking felt amazing.
The vacuum cleaner. Raw for days..
>>685804741
McDonald's or homemade?
>>685809245
>>685809314
Joy sure what else there is to tell.
>>685804741
8/10
>>685810051
Damn. That's some bad auto correct.
Not sure what else there is to tell.
HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR HOLD THE DOOR
>>685808826
y que pasa si hablo en español?
>>685810051
How'd you end up doing it?
>>685811290
first he got a bucket
I've honestly fucked too many random objects to remember the weirdest
>>685811290
>>685811486
I've been with many mares.
Never used a bucket, they are to small to stand on properly.
Got the big ones where I need something to stand on I usually use a small outdoor table, like a coffee table for your deck.
The one I'm with most often though is a pony and perfect height so I don't need anything to stand on.
>>685811894
so you go for those phnbr mares huh?
>>685809432
anyone success at this?
>>685801847
This is why I don't eat fast food anymore. I'm not mad, I just know how teenagers/people are who work fast food and low end resturuants. Specifically fast food, people just don't give a fuck. Even if they are having a great day your food is still fucked with. I'm 26 now and would feel bad for doing that stuff now but as a teenager I thought it was hilarious too, pretty much did everything under the sun. 80% of food workers are like this so I just stay away as much as possibe
>>685812165
Most often, yes. But not always.
I have a good relationship with my big draft mares too.
>>685804741
One time set up a video camera so everyone could see me fuck this hot foreign exchanged student live. It backfired though becuase I ejaculated prematurely 2 or 3 times before I even got it in.
>>685813023
have you stuck it in their poopar as well?
a dog pussy
>>685799711
into your mom's vagoo xdddddd
>>685799711
masterbated in a chastity cage before and then eventually nutted. Was weird because I couldn't jack it off when cumming or anything so it fell out and I cleaned up everything.
Wasn't as satisfying as I was hoping it was going to be
Join /b/ on Telegram with no rules
>https://telegram.me/joinchat/CntsWT9gFyRDWcQrYo3Kug
didgeridoo
>>685808637
Wow....just wow.
>>685813339
Quite literally, kill yourself.
>>685799711
Slime. The kind you play with. It's pretty great tbh.
>>685813255
Nope.
I'm not into anal at all.
I have on occasion when a gf wanted to, but it's not something I'm interested in.
Cantaloupe is the best melon for fucking.
>>685813934
laaaaaame, so has your gf messed with horses as well?
My girlfriends younger sister.
>>685813776
I hear you.
Heavily into wam. gf tied me up and made me fuck a pie once
>>685814390
did she eat the pie afterwards?
>>685799711
A non-newtonian fluid. Got excited, thrusted and broke my penis.
>>685814015
No.
Never been with a girl that played with horses.
Several that were into dogs.
Had one that would massage and lick my balls as I fucked a mare.
>>685814470
It went in my face afterwards. She's quite the bitch when she's turned on
>>685814643
extremely underrated post
>>685814764
well that's just wasteful, did you at least rub your face in her face?
>>685814653
so any vids or pics of any of this?
>>685811038
Mueras
>>685814015
Same girl that would like my balls while I was with an animal also loved giving bjs.
Any time we were half alone she was trying to suck my cock. She loved the taste of my cum.
If she was around when I fucked a dog she would almost always suck and lick the cum out of it after cleaning my cock with her mouth.
I miss her sometimes.
warm bread
i fucked it
>>685815040
...? It's our fetish
>>685815321
did she die by a tragic dog fucking then horse kick to the face?
>>685812687
I once served a man completely raw nuggets at Wendy's by accident. In my defense, they were the spicy ones, they were new, and they look the same raw or cooked. The problem was someone pulled them up right after I put them down in the fryer, so when I came back a bit later they were glistening and looked done.
>>685815272
*Mátate
>>685808858
not weird?
>>685815085
Have a few pics of me and one of my mares but not many, and no vids.
Never had much reason for that.
I'd rather be out fucking them then having a wank while I watch myself fuck them.
>>685799711
a mans mouth
>>685815649
Do it for us mang, shit!
>>685799813
I did this before. Twice, thinking the second time it wouldn't be bad because I already did it once.
>>685815528
Naw, she got a job offer on the other side of the country.
I like my job and where I live enough that we parted company.
We were more like really good friends and lovers then a madly in love couple that were going to spend our lives together and get married.
![daa-rick.and.morty.s01e06-1080p.mkv_snapshot_03.32_[2015.09.12_00.51.20].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/7CtjFlT.jpg "daa-rick.and.morty.s01e06-1080p.mkv_snapshot_03.32_[2015.09.12_00.51.20].jpg")
>>685815952
How were her looks? Why does everyone else get the cool shicks?
>>685815776
One pic.
I get B& all the time for being the one supporting beast threads, I don't feel like doing it today.
But this is an after pic of my pony.
>>685816316
Nifty
>>685816310
She's hot, I'd give her an 8/10
There are loads of girls into animals.
At least 75% oh the girls I've been with have been into it.
Bestiality is way more common than most people think it is.
>>685816616
hmm i'll have to keep that in mind
>>685814764
kek
Clowned
>>685799711
Cut a small hole in a honeydew at my first job and fucked it in the walk in fridge. Came in under a minute. Best nut. Put honeydew in garbage after.
>>685799711
Bought one of those tenga things.
3/10, complete waste of money. Turns out it is single use but most places don't tell you that
http://stumpycok.tumblr.com/
>>685799711
I worked security and rubbed my dick in all the office snacks and foods
Hollowed out a cucumber. Fucked the inside, used the excess to fuck ass.
2 in 1
3 in 1 if you want to eat it after
>>685799711
An eye socket of a eyeless girl in my school when I was younger. Best eyejob I ever had.
Donut, a girl wanted to see me with a donut on my dick. Pretty difficult to stay hard with a donut on your cock
>>685799711
Olive oil bottle
Can of the real ghostbusters slime from the toy store.
>>685819954
Don't worry man. Some guys find it hard to maintain an erection when losing their virginity.
>>685819475
Its called a winkjob
>>685821741
well played
>>685799853
>women
>vaginas
/thread
