I know some of you guys are okay, a lot of you are edgy faggots now but I'm sure there are some of you that are okay.
I want to kill myself.
I feel like a complete waste of space and I honestly don't think I can pull myself out of this rut. I've been trapped in it for years.
I have no actual friends or social skills.
I feel underappreciated in everything I do.
I'm overweight, not particularly attractive.
Overall I'm a piece of shit.
I sit and think a lot about how I could do it, I've been looking towards bleeding out or hanging myself. Oddly enough when I think about slitting my throat, I can feel a lump in my throat and it feels slightly irritated.
My problem with killing myself however lies with one thing; my family. As underappreciated as they make me feel, I couldn't do something like that to my mom. I really don't think that a parent should outlive their children, so I can't do it.
I don't know anymore /b/. I guess I only really came here to vent because I haven't really got anyone I can tell this to. I don't expect sympathy and I don't expect advice.
>>684770310
Me too, anon.
Maybe tomorrow.
>>684770310
>in everything I do
orly? what do you do anon?
Ill b your friend. Add me on kik. Madameoppenheimer
>>684770310
life has ups and downs but you have to be the change you want to be.
apathy kills
>>684770310
Join the army instead
go outside OP for fucks sake
Kill yourself faggot
>>684770310
>killing yourself doesnt remove the pain, only passes it along to someone else.
Dont do it OP. you seem like youre just really down in the dumpstereenos. My best advice is to workout. Make a fitness plan, get a membership. Fuck just run. goto the gym, pump beats and run. Run till your body aches, you will feel good, even if you cant run for shit and you puff out in 5 minutes. you can do it. you will feel powerful and happy with yourself. Trust me.
find a hobby and stop thinking about yourself all the time?
>>684770885
good advice, he's not wrong. you're alive, which is better than the alternative.
https://youtu.be/qAArCXytuSA?t=24
Do you actually do anithing you should be appreciated for or do you just play videogames and fuck around all day?
cuz if that's what you do that's your reason for feeling like shit right there
>>684770310
>>684770417
Maybe. I doubt it.
>>684770510
Not a work related thing, I still live at home and I help out in any way I can but everyone looks for an excuse to tell me how much of a fuck up I am. They nitpick everything.
>>684770530
It's nothing against you personally, but I feel like I'd be pretty garbage at conversation, let alone more than one. I may still take you up on it though.
>>684770677
I've been told that a lot, but I've been in one big down for a few years.
>>684770746
I wouldn't make the cut.
>>684770849
I was tempted to go out and take a walk around, but it's nearly 2 AM and I live near some shady neighbourhoods.
>>684770854
I already explained why I can't, faggot.
>>684770885
I actually think that's a decent plan. I'll look into it. I kinda lack motivation.
>>684770965
I only really play vidya but I wouldn't call it a hobby.
>>684770984
Agreed.
>>684771111
I actually do things, vidya only really happens at night.
>>684771153
Didn't expect you to.
Maybe I'm just being a melodramatic bitch. I really can't tell. I'll try >>684770885 tomorrow and hopefully it'll work. As for right now I'll attempt to crawl out of this metaphorical pit.
>>684770310
I think a lot of people feel this way and stay alive for their mom. So do my brother and i. Truth is you dont matter. We are all just numbers. Sure we have feelings but eventually people stop caring about them. Even if you kill yourself no one will grieve for long. Its the case with anyone. Literally nothing matters. Whether you die or not. So the solution is keep yourself happy. Whether its drawing, drugs, sex, murder, furry crap. Because at the end of the day no one cares.
>>684770885
Piss off faggot. Of course it does. People will feel bad for a little while. But you will suffer for a long time.
OP, I have been exactly where you are. Not the details but the themes. I'm overweight, too.
Pic related captures the essence of what I wish I could sayto you.
A year and a half ago I weighed over 400 pounds. I'm down to 333 today. I did that by walking. You can, too. It's going to take forever and it doesn't automatically fix a damn thing, but it's something to work on.
Whether you know it or not, you've become comfortable with the depression and all the situations that exacerbate it. You may hate it but at last it's something you know. The comfortable terrible is justifiably preferable to the unknown, particularly when you expect that unknown to be just as awful as the right now.
Strive to leave your comfort zone.
Pope Hitler-Youth once said "mankind is not meant for comfort; mankind is meant for greatness..
I'm paraphrasing. But the point is clear. Hate your life? Ready to end it? Then end it as you know it by changing every fucking thing about it.
But not all at once.
Next time you have an hour of free time, put on some decent shoes (you'll need new ones Soon) and walk as fast as you can for thirty minutes. Do that for a week. Then increase it to 45 minutes. Week-by-week increase it by fifteen minutes until it's two hours. Remember, walk as fast as you Fucking can. After you've gotten to where you can walk top speed for two hours relatively easy (do it daily for a month, don't swear it if you miss a day or two here or there), start jogging a little. Increase weekly.
Get a hobby that requires more physical activity. Disc golf is a decent choice. Just something that requires a modicum of physicality. Do it in addition to your daily walk.
If you can't dedicate two solid hours break it up into two sessions, morning and night.
Fucking move.
I believe in you. You can do this.
The escape that Suicide seems to offer is a Fucking lie.
I love you, /b/ro.
>>684772920
Thank you, Anon. I don't know what else to say.
Hey OP
You seem genuine
I know you don't want to hear this
I didn't either
But it can get better
That's all I want to say
It can get better
It can get better even if it seems like there's no possible way it will
It can
Thanks
Good luck
Well, it's nearly 2:30 AM. I'll start walking at 6. I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight anyway. I just have to make sure I do this every day. I'll start a chart just so I can keep track of the time as well as the days to make sure I don't miss too many, if any.
>>684773310
Thank you too. I honestly didn't expect this support from /b/. I guess I owe you guys.
>>684773886
Listen, just go to Donday, it will be all right
>>684774016
I'm not sure what Donday is.
First result for me was a Korean restaurant in Calgary.
>>684770885
Though exercise has definitely been shown to improve wellbeing, how do you expect someone with severe depression to do that? I'm not saying OP does, maybe he's just a faggot, I don't know, but that can't be your advice to everyone.
Also bullshit blaming statements like that about suicide don't consider at all that the act of suicide itself is irrational.
tl;dr kys
Volunteer to help people. If you need a change, if you feel like your time is being wasted, learn that you can change a lot of people's lives for the better. Contact any association, you can also chiose to go to some poor country or you can help homeless people in yours. Do something for the others, join a non-profit organisation. I'll bet after a month of helping others you'll change your mind completely.
>>684770310
You should watch Rick and Morty.
Something morty said to his sister, out of context:
"Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die. Come watch T.V."
>>684770310
start skateboarding
>>684774240
I've honestly been very tempted to volunteer at the local retirement home, but I always decided against it because I don't wanna be "that guy"
The one who always looks miserable and everyone else is miserable by proxy
>>684770310
Why the fuck would you come to 4chan for advice on this? You must really hate yourself. Go to your doctor, get on the waiting list for a therapist and take antidepressants in the meantime
>>684774993
It's about the anonymity and somepeople have genuinely helpful advice.
I'd rather not just be put on antidepressants for a quick fix to it for the rest of my life. I see it as more of a crutch, though I'm not saying people shouldn't take it; whatever works right? I just would prefer not to.
>>684770310
OP, I can definitely relate, one anon to another.
The funny thing about depression is the question of perspective. Mental programming takes persistence, some small amount of effort, and a tad of commitment. You can orchestrate these changes in yourself, should you choose to. You're depressed because, subconsciously or otherwise, you choose to see yourself, your circumstances and your behaviours in a negative light. Whether that happens because that is how you see your existence, as being a black hole that reduces to rift all attempts to shine a light, as a result of your environment, or because you feel there are no positives and thus the negatives become the only 'visible' option, this is reversable.
Instead of the thought process that leads to I'm useless/a waste of space, time and oxygen > I should kill myself, take the mental step to divert the path your thoughts go down. Not I'm useless because I'm x or y, rather, I feel like I am useless because I am not actively pursuing x or y > I should do something about that. From small things like going for a half hour walk every day (I advise at night, two hours before you go to bed so as to aid sleep) to diversifying your day to day habits.. Easy as introducing variety into your routine, or establishing one, and sticking to it, because you want to.
I often feel like a piece of skunk shit because I regret something, a choice I made or more often one I did not. The penance we inflict on ourselves is bad enough for the things we, worse, those we do not. So why suffer inside a shell of self-hatred, when the only one keeping you trapped inside is you? Learn to accept the path that you have been walking down thus far in life, and how you came to be where you are -
Cont.
>>684776760
Cont.
the reasons you feel so shit are the reasons you are where you are, but they are also the lessons you need to do something about it.
if your family don't support you, or at least you f
eel that way, then either say, fuck it, i'm out, or learn to take constructive criticism.
Do things because you want to, nay, because you love to. Take in interest in life, in living. Even if purely intellectual, the cycle feeds into itself. Learn how chemicals affect the body, namely the brain, in turn the mind, how those influence emotions and behaviours, and adjust as desired. Most important, the principles of association and attraction.
You're missing out on the you you want to be because you don't want it badly enough to do something, so you feel bad about it because you don't want it to want it, but you want it and you want to do something.
SO FUCKING DO SOMETHING. Proactive :)
Social skills are easy. You don't have to talk much as long as you can cater what you say to those around you. All you need to be able to do is leave a good first and last impression on as many encounters as possible, as long as you don't drop spaghetti everywhere, that is what people remember the most. Try to make it upbeat and humorous.
Being underappreciated and feeling it are worlds apart, but it doesn't seem that way in your shoes. So show your appreciation, especially through actions that give back to others. Especially the little things that show thought.
Who gives a fuck what your weight is. You don't have to be skinny to be attractive, you don't have to be muscly, you don't have to not be fat. You've got to be able to connect with people, whether it's over anime or literature or fucking fluffy abuse.
Are you a piece of shit? Or are you a stagnating seed that could grow to be an evergreen, able to weather the seasons and not feed dung beetles with your rotting remains? Contemplate your future and figure out what you want. Come to peace with and
>>684777433
Come to peace with your past and realise that your present is the only possible place, temporally or otherwise, to align the two and salvage something worth having.
OP, I say all of this because I love the piece of shit you claim to be, even if you don't.
Your life is literally in your hands. Don't throw it away because you were too lazy to slam dunk it and score a match winning point against yourself.
You better fucken read all this OP, shit's dank.
>>684776760
>>684777433
>>684777617
Thank you very much, Anon. I really do appreciate you taking the time to write all this out. You and the others have greatly helped me today. I'll do it. I'll try the self improvement instead of just wallowing in self-loathing. You're a good guy.
Yes. It was very dank.
>>684777617
There are many ways and places to volunteer - homeless shelters, disability awareness events/centres etc, numeracy and literacy schools for adults, libraries, anything.
Sorry for all the typos, I'm tired as fuck and I don't know why I'm on /b/. If any other /b/ros are in here, please keep thread alive until OP comes back.
You better come back OP. Or I'll kill you myself.
Don't do it OP
I used to be in your situation, you need to shave your fucking face put on your best Fedora and get out into the world.
Seriously, don't smell like shit, and don't be autistic and you'll be accepted into the Normie tribe.
Get some interests, any interested then join some clubs, meets some people strike up conversion, become friends bam, everything falls into place like bricks on a border wall.
You can push through this OP, I believe in you.
Go to church and talk to pastor. There are also good medicines for generalized anxiety issues
>>684778000
I'm here Anon, don't worry.
Don't worry about the typos, it was all understandable.
>>684777810
No worries fam. Don't just tell me that, though, that doesn't mean shit, and honestly I will never know better. Do it for you, brother. Do it because you can be better than you ever dreamed you could be. One thing that I still do after 7 years is look at myself in the mirror in the morning, dead in the eyes, and say "fuck you". Every day, you are different than the day before. Every day, the new you has another chance to take a fat and steaming dump on yesterday's self.
Bro, 15-20 minutes of my time is a pittance, yet one I am happy to impart, so long as you receive.
Dunno if you like poetry, but here ya go ->
>>684778350
Anger corrodes the steel in me
Rusting away the rivets of love
That tether my heart to my soul
Deflating those parts of me that used to be so strong.
Through a lens of crimson filth
Does the real beauty distort
And cremate the remains
Of incongruous malice.
Find the light, be the fire.
Your voice is your fuel
Ballad burnt eternal
Elegy for the angels without wings.
>>684778536
Wrong file, kek.
Anger corrodes the steel in me
Rusting away the rivets of love
That tether my heart to my soul
Deflating those parts of me that used to be so strong.
Through a lens of crimson filth
Does the real beauty distort
And cremate the remains
Of incongruous malice.
Clinging ghost of yearning
Falls into the void
From whence it came.
Find the light, be the fire.
Your voice is your fuel
Ballad burnt eternal
Elegy for the angels without wings.
>>684778129
I'm glad mang. What kind of games do you like?
Hahaha I was worried I would sound like a full-blown sperglord instead of a mildly hallucinating faggot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGL5SXrCFXk
If you really want to do it and your life doesn't matter to you than you should try to help out humanity in a way.
>>684778350
I'll do it.
I'll get this all fixed, no matter how long it takes. It has been long enough and it's high time I enjoy my life again.
>>684778615
Actually pretty good, who wrote it?
>>684778691
I generally play action, RPGs and fighting games, though I will dabble in the occasional FPS or other shit.
>>684778776
Take your own advice, edgemeister.
>>684778913
I hope so Anon. I really do. I won't lie to you and tell you that it'll be quick, or easy. But it will be infinitely faster (shhhh, it's possible) and easier than you think. Like some other anon said, the pieces fall into place.
Thanks bro, I appreciate that. I wrote that sometime last year in the middle of a psychotic break, one of the few things I still have from that time in my life. I have one more if you're interested :) it's long tho.
Choice, some of the best genres imo. FPS and racing games are also up there, but I tend to avoid Halo/COD unless it's for the campaign.
RPGs are the tits. What platforms do you play on? Might have some recommendations for you.
Sorry for spamming with posts hahaha I'll try to condense my replies into one.
>>684778913
Also. How old are you?
>>684779192
I only have a PS3, unfortunately (No Bloodborne, SotFS or DS3 for me) but there are still some good games on it. I kinda fell outta CoD after Black Ops 2, got Ghosts on a whim and sorta enjoyed the multiplayer.
>>684779244
I'm 18, nearly 19 and this shit has been going on for almost 7 years.
>>684770310
You're not gonna get any more friends or a girl by just looking good OP.
Just stop being a shut in fuck and go outside and try to talking to people, doesn't matter if you completely fail cuz you wanna kill yourself anyway
>>684770310
Hey OP, I just really realized the other day that I've been fighting the urge to kill myself for like 5 years. I started self-medicating by snorting percs and eventually dope -- which was basically just a way to passively kill myself a little bit everyday.
I was miserable. I stole THOUSANDS of dollars from my parents. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. I cleaned out one of their safes (~$22k) because I considered myself already dead. I figured when the jig was up -- so was my time. I was so stressed that I just ate my feelings. That and the meds I was just packed on weight and I lost any sight of the athlete I had been in college. But I decided that I at least owed my Mom an effort. She was the only one I really had and she loved me. So I decided that I'd at least stick it out and try for her. Things didn't get better right away, but I was basically living for her. And, gradually, things have changed. My meds have gotten sorted out (they're still not great) but I've been clean for 4 months... Do I steal feel insanely depressed sometimes? Absolutely.
I'm glad you came here to vent and get everything off your chest. I used to hold everything and just let it swirl around in my head while I overanalyzed and internalized everything. Just throw it all up on a page, whether it's /b/ or a notebook, wherever. Not only does it let you vent, but you have to rationalize things in order to put them into words. The dialogue in your head is inevitably negative and irrational. I'm not a big fan of the whole "set goals for a week, a month, a year, etc..." bullshit. Who cares about a month from now? When you write, think about tomorrow. The more you write, the more you develop this narrative of who you are what you really want. I swear it helps. You can write the story of how to live for yourself. And if you come across a day where you can't live for yourself, live for someone else.
>>684770310
Hey /bro
do the walking thing the other anon mentioned. and also volunteer where you work with people.
Last stop staying up all night playing vidya/ browsing the web. that is pure poison, I'm serious. Go to bed before midnight. If you have trouble falling asleep at that time, get up earlier and do more during the day.
You can do it anon, don't give up!
i make it short. so something about it. i have few friends, i am fat and no gf etc. but i have started a diet and it will take a long time till i am fit and i might not find a gf after all but i have started changing my life. killing yourself is the cowards way. and you are not a coward.
>>684779519
PS3 has some of the best games available my friend. Especially with access to PS1 classics. You're in luck! What are some of your faves?
I'm sure you've heard this before, but it holds truth - if you're going through this shit now, it's a blessing in disguise. By the time you've conquered the majority of the underlying issues you will be well set up for the foreseeable future. Heal, and let your wounds be lessons :)
>>684770310
you feel useless? post steam id... I need more players for playing CSGO with
>>684779589
Heartily endorsed. The tunnel vision to suicide attempts doesn't really let you think about the possibility of living and having to deal with the repercussions such a self-destructive lifestyle can bring with it, especially when drugs and crime are involved. Family is everything, and friends. But that doesn't mean put them before yourself, in decision making or in your priorities. If that's what it takes, it is a noble cause tho.
Definitely agree with the day to day biz, every step counts.
>>684779589
I've held everything in for years, tonight is when it finally broke me. I couldn't go further.
>>684779684
I fucked up my sleeping pattern so badly man. I stay up until like noon then I'm out til 6 PM.
>>684779740
We're in similar boats then, I'm not too worried about the girlfriend.
>>684779886
I've got P3:FES, Chrono Trigger, Silent Hill and 3 other classics I got for free because of that PlayStation Home shit when it was still up.
Favourites are the Souls and Yakuza series.
>>684780038
Unfortunately, no PC.
>>684770310
To you and anybody else in this thread feeling depressed or suicidal, I'd just like to add on to the "don't do it" crowd.
I have no friends IRL, literally 0, and just a couple online. Had a lot of crippling depression throughout college and still have some. I can't really explain wholly why I've started feeling a bit better these days, but a few months ago I guess I had what must be the midlife crisis already. Realizing that we all inevitably die at some point anyway, why commit suicide and hurry it now? You never know what time holds down the road between now and when you die. You'll die eventually without the choice, so rather than go out early try to find joy for yourself and anybody around you while you're alive. You literally have nothing to lose by choosing to live as long as possible.
I hope you start feeling better dude, and live a long happier life. It might not get better today or tomorrow, but even being in a rut until it does is better for yourself and your family than the unknown of dying before you're naturally due.
>>684780281
I'm glad you reached out for help, and that I and others were able to answer.
Sleeping patterns aren't too hard to reset, especially with coffee. Stay up until 10-12 hours before desired waking up point, when you are exhausted. Rinse and repeat and you should be back to your standard sleep time shortly.
Great games all :) if you get the chance, definitely try out Legends of Dragoon, Tombi, Final Fantasy IX and Alundra. Also Eternal Sonata and several other JRPGS I can't remember the names of :)
>>684779589
>And if you come across a day where you can't live for yourself, live for someone else.
Those are some good words. I hope you and OP both get better. As far as I'm concerned, unless you're in constant, unbelievable physical agony every day, life is always worth living. You don't get the choice about dying in the end, but you do get the choice to live now over suicide.
>>684780662
I was actually pretty interested in getting shit like the classic Castlevanias, Metal Gears, FF and shit like that. They all seem right up my alley. Never heard of Legends of Dragoon, Tombi, Alundra or Eternal Sonata though.
>>684780281
Fix your sleeping pattern bro. Even the most fucked up can be fixed in 3-4 days. Fix it. That is a big one, and it is rather easy.
By staying up that long and sleepin through the moring and even until noon, you disconnect yourself from most of the other people around you. You also miss psychological triggers.
For me, starting the day early so that I can see the sunrise has changed a lot. That first coffee on my balcony, seeing the world slowly waking up is just beautiful, and it makes me want to take part in in. Makes me want to be part of this day and see what I can achieve, what it has to offer. Even if life is pretty tough for me at the moment.
Might sound like romantic bullshit, but it is truly awesome. Learn to love ealy mornings anon! Or at give it a try.
>>684781093
They're all on ps1 and they're all fucking amazing. Seriously. Legend of Dragoon is like FF but a better story, and with skilled timing of the circle button in battles you can drastically increase power etc. Sounds simple but is surprisingly deep! Tombi is a whacky action/RPG/platformer. That's all I'll say, it's honestly insane, and insanely good. Alundra is an action/RPG game too, but different and it's really good. The early Final Fantasies aren't as good as 7 through 12, but to each their own. All of the above are worth the investment many times over :) honestly, it's probably worth getting a ps2 as well, best era of gaming, I feel. Whereabouts do you live, if you don't mind me asking?
>>684781185
I'll do it. I'll try to be up til 10-11 PM, though I'll basically be a corpse.
>>684781553
I'm in British Columbia.
Canadian.
>>684781677
Dang, other side of the world. NZ reporting in.
>>684780281
I did the same thing -- and I still do sometimes, but it's something I'm working on. When you hold everything in, it's like a balloon filling up. At a certain point you just can't hold anymore in. Think about holding your breath... this CO2 builds up, just like your depression and anxiety, until you let it all go and take that deep breath of fresh air. It was hard to come clean about some of the things I did. It was literally hard to put into words b/c I was so ashamed.
And even after I had let all of these horrible things out, there was one thing I couldn't figure out how to say. The hardest thing to do is tell someone you love, "Hey, I'm really struggling and things aren't okay. Or, Sometimes I want to hurt myself." I'm a self-described Mama's boy, OP. Everyone's story is different, but a lot of people can relate. My sleep cycle was turned upside down because I wasn't anxious at night when everyone was asleep. To me, it was the only time the world was still. Hell, sometimes I'm still like that. When I finally talked to my Mom, I felt broken and exhausted from holding stuff in for so long. It was like a haze. But after we talking for a long time, I slept for what seemed like 12 hours, it wasn't that long but it felt like it, because it was the best sleep I'd ever had. The tornado and chaos in my head finally settled. I had completely forgotten was peace of mind was. I was still bipolar with depression and anxiety! Hell, I was still an addict!! I hadn't actually done anything at all -- besides let it all out. OP, I felt peace for the first time in years. Real peace. Not the peace your clouded mind things suicide or drugs (both for me) will bring. It had been so long since I had felt a real emotion, I still can't totally describe it. Peaceful optimism, maybe? I knew there was a long road ahead of me, and there still is. But, it's okay OP. All I knew was that, no matter what, things would be okay -- I wasn't alone anymore.
>>684782141
How's the weather over there?
>>684782144
I'm worried to talk to anyone about it. I feel like I'll just end up medicated and I really don't want that. I'm crazy paranoid and if I'm medicated I won't be me.
>>684782326
Temperamental as fuck... I was shivering in the 1PM sun after a spell of rain and thunder, then sweating as it got dark around 6:30. Approaching winter here. How about for you?
>>684780565
Exactly. I'll always remember when this old guy stood up in an AA meeting and talked about all the time he spent being suicidal. It was decades ago and it lasted for years.
He didn't say it quite as eloquently as you did... But he pretty much said that if your back is against the wall, you only have one way to go. If your feeling suicidal, you feel your back against the wall. I'll never forget, he said, "Fuck it... You might as well play the whole tape and see what happens! What do you have to lose?"
>>684782599
Man, a week ago it was like 28 Celsius, nice and warm. Yesterday it was actually kinda cold which is bizarre for this time of year. We usually get over that by February/early March.
>>684770310
Does this meme, make you feel better
>>684782326
If you're worried about talking to people you know, seek out a counsellor. They are not in the position to force medication on you, and unless you pretty much state that you are a threat to yourself or others, they can't repeat any of what you tell them. You can talk about suicidal thoughts as long as you let them know that you are not going to do it, or even just infer that. If they ask you explicitly, say no.
If you're as paranoid as you say you are, it could be worth looking into with professional help. I put of getting help until I was almost 20 and even that felt like too long a wait. Medication isn't as bad as it sounds, as long as 3 months is the longest you are on it. Dunno about laws around meds in Canada, but generally you choose when to stop it.
>>684783031
Doctors in my town like to keep upping your doses when you wanna quit. It's kinda shitty to be honest.
One doctor is known so well for basically writing out your prescription before he hears everything while he still has one hand on the door because he's busy as shit (due to the fact that he hands out drugs willy-nilly)
>>684782833
Daaaamn, Nature... You crazy!!
OP, I gotta sleep, pulled an all nighter. If you need to talk tomorrow or in the next few days, around the same time, I'll try to be on, use pic related. Hope things look up for you soon, and I hope you have luck getting any of the games we talked about ;) with the full list you'll be busy for a few months at least. Peace out, brother.
>>684783510
Have a good night man, was great talking to you and once again, thank you.
>>684783327
Pretty sure you have the right to refuse to continue taking them in most countries. Look it up :)
Even the fact that you are opposed to taking medication is encouraging. Simply by virtue of what you said.... "if I'm medicated I won't be me".
Not all hope is lost, friend.
>>684783609
You too. Glad I could be there for you; once again, you're most welcome.
>>684783510
>>684783609
Forgot pic
>>684783687
Maybe you're right. This whole night turned out so much better than I had expected. I wasn't sure if you could refuse if they thought you were a danger to yourself or others.
>>684783850
It happens occasionally ;) that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside OP. Well basically if you're not in a mental hospital/institution they can't do shit, and your average counselor doesn't have the power to put you in one, but can usually prescribe or help you get meds if you ask for them. And even if they do think you're a threat they'll often talk to your family before mental health professionals.. could be a good thing in the long run.
>>684770310
>>684784141
Could be. If everything else doesn't work, I'll likely consider it. My family is the main thing I'm worried about though.
>>684782326
I definitely agree with the other anon saying that, if you aren't ready to tell a loved one, you can always talk to a psychologist. They can't prescribe medication... that's for a psychiatrist to do. When you go in for the first time, you're basically anonymous to them. You have no responsibility to go back. I tried 3 or 4 before I found someone who 'got me'.
You can tell them anything you want. I know a lot of people worry about getting 5150'd (a 72-hour hold) or forced on meds... Like the other anon said, as long as you don't say you are going to, or have a plan to, hurt yourself or others, they can only listen. You have complete privacy. Sometimes it feels good to just go in a 'shoot the shit' with someone for an hour. When I first went, I was picturing laying on the couch with some tweed-jacketed pysch, and I couldn't have been more wrong. They are there to help you. If you want to vent, they'll listen. You want their opinion, they'll give it. It just helps so much to talk to someone -- so, so much. You can take it as slow as you want.
And, regarding the meds, that's totally up to you. It's your decision, not theirs. I take 3 meds (plus suboxone which is related to my addiction) -- wellbutrin for de ression, lamictal as a mood stabilizer (bipolar), and klonopin for anxiety. Meds work for me, but I totally understand what you're saying. Everybody is different. I wanted to share one thing I've picked up -- it's called 10-second breathing. Close your eyes, breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds, and then out your mouth for 6 seconds (hence, the whole 10 second thing...). Do that 10 ten times. It lowers your heart rate, blood pressure, increases you oxygen levels, and really helps to relax you. It's like 2 minute meditation.
You're not alone, OP. Remember that. It's never hopeless and you're never alone.
>>684784862
After I've read everything I think I've nearly cried a few times. I've always just felt really alone, you know? Feels weird to have people genuinely care, even though I've never met them. People who care more than my own family for Christ sake.
>>684783687
>Simply by virtue of what you said.... "if I'm medicated I won't be me".
(I'm not OP). That's such an awesome observation. I feel like I've written a novel on this thread and you nailed it in 1 sentence.
>>684785147
I know exactly how that feels, to feel totally alone. But I promise you that you're not. Look at how many people added to this thread, all are anons, but so many people care. So many have struggled or are struggling right now. And, while each of those people has their own individual battle to fight, there's still a common bond that we all share. When you talk and vent, I get to talk and vent. And the other anons talk and vent. That's the community of it. It's really hard to talk to someone about it, but it's a bit easier when you know you're not alone in how you feel.
The other thing, if you're not comfortable seeing a pysch in person just yet (or ever), there are a ton of websites where you can chat with counselors. I'm really hoping for the best for you. It sucks, it really does. But you never have to struggle alone.
>>684785147
Remember, your family only know as much as you share with them, and the support that floods in when you do open up will break your heart
>>684786692
When I came clean to my parents, I realized just what 'unconditional love' really means. After I talked to them, I bawled my eyes out. It was overwhelming.
Eat wolfsbane roots. Pretty common and cardiotoxic. Its not painless tho.
get on psych meds
>>684786323
I've considered them before, but I dunno. Just felt weird. I feel like there's something different about them and this, like with Anons it seems more personal, you share stories and whatnot.
>>684786692
I just get very worried that they'll disregard it completely or go overboard.
>>684770310
This is fucking pathetic I hate people like you. Your problem with killing yourself is your "mom." Fuck that. If that was fucking true, tell that bitch about your bullshit suicidal tendencies. Bet you wont. Make a bucket list then do the deed bro. Your family makes you feel "underappreciated" yet they're the reason you can't fulfill your ultimate decision.. Makes zero fucking sense. Tell them how they fucked you up in your last letter and satisfy yourself. Fuck others. I'm 50$ away from my helium tank and not ONE person is preventing me from doing this. You don't want to kill yourself. If you did, you wouldn't give a fuck about your mother who doesn't give a fuck about you.
Kys.
Just kidding, don't do it :3
ITT: There is still hope for humanity.
