Autistic Superpowers
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Autistic Superpowers
>>684143594
Dosnt seem to uncommen. Cuz most of us are austists faggots anyway
>>684143594
The ability to detect and appreciate patterns, especially those in floor tiles.
Invisibility
But only when nobody's looking
to fly underwater
>>684144602
Invisibility
But only if its dark
shifting to any point in the autistic spectrum at will
>>684143594
The ability to be "really" specific.
>>684144499
pics pls
>>684144768
Depends how dark.
>>684143594
The power to let your post end with repeating digits but no one checks them
>>684145490
Doesn't that imply the ability to stop being autistic? Or at least be far less autistic?
The ability to see one second into the past
>>684145927
dark enough you cant see shit, jesus christ
The ability to smell thunder 45sec before it happens...
>>684143594
The ability to always gets quads (and higher) but noone can see them
The ability to do whatever you want but only in Nebraska
>>684143594
anything anime
>>684146126
were you talkin' about smelling own thunderfarts ?
>>684146222
nice trips
>>684144768
everyone is invisible in the dark already retard.
>>684143594
Frog Manipulation
>>684144499
underrated
>>684146286
>that's the joke
>>684146260
No. No i wasnt.
>>684146286
Tbh this isn't that much shitty: if it's dark you can turn on lights....torch, fire....
With this power you can STILL be unseen...
>>684146032
>being this autistic
>>684143594
The ability to eat anything.
No, wait that's Pica.
The ability to scream so loud and obnoxiously that another person's ears bleed.
>>684146032
no
>>684143594
The ability to close down any thread, but only if you were genuinely trying to contribute.
the ability to smell the future.
The ability to lose your virginity but you can only lose it once
You can travel in time but only one second ahead
>>684146055
Memory Man
>>684146787
Wat?
The power to attract pubic hair.
>>684146486
no the second the lights are back on, you would become visible again.
>>684146346
no thats not a joke. its like using a word to define itself.
The ability to switch your penis into a feminine penis and back to your own
>>684146346
Are you okay? I hope you didn't get hurt when you fell for that bait.
>>684146656
>>684146032
yes for less autistic
The ability to guess a child's name
>>684146850
You know the future but only the smells, you can't actually see or hear any future events.
>>684145781
Being able to shit your pants on demand.
>>684143594
the ability to instantly draw furfag and shota pictures.
>>684146787
The ability to smell crime.
>>684146787
To have any perception of the future, even in smell, could be really good, and useful.
>i smell buring, lots of smoke, better get out of this building maybe its gonna catch fire
>>684147079
I can already do that.
>>684146787
Not useless. Can smell smoke from a fire before it happens, save lives.
>>684146231
>get this ability
>go to Nebraska
>use this power to change the universe to Nebraska
>become god
The ability to speak any language but people can only hear you speaking arabic.
>>684146922
Good one
The ability to know an odd sock from a paired sock
>>684146999
Oooh! Ok! Got it! Nice....
Oh, nice trips man!
Ability to breathe underwater unless you're wet
>>684147204
Even if you've already taken a shit?
>>684146979
>bet anyone you can guess theyre childs name
>profit
>>684147219
You're powers only span to the borders of Nebraska. You just made Nebraska Nebraska where you are god
the power to double the amount of sweat produced when it's really cold
>>684143594
The ability to heal any injury or disease if you take it on yourself.
>>684147279
thanks, I hadn't even noticed
>>684147381
That's my secret anon. I'm always full of shit.
>>684147219
yea but.... wouldnt you rather be a mortal.... than live in nebraska...? is it worth it?
The ability to fold a napkin perfectly in half.
>>684147389
Never said that they would be right every time.
>>684146222
Too bad you got trips m8
>>684144768
So you're invisible even when someone turns a flashlight on you, when it's dark?
>>684147330
So wrap yourself in saran wrap except leave a mouth hole. Boom.
The ability to eat rocks, but you get no nutritional value at all.
>>684143594
The ability to become Superman anytime, but when i do this it rains kryptonite
>>684146126
Fuck you and your damn fetish
>>684146286
underrated post since invisible to humans, which is implied is when it's not enough of light waves visual to the human eye. The super power that is being invisible when it's dark is as stupid as having the super power of being visible when it's bright outside (which is not a super power at all).
>>684147585
then its not a super power...
just like the ability to lift 10 pounds. its not a super power if its within the realm of usual human activity..
>>684147669
You could probably make some money off that. Somehow.
>>684147651
Ye...scroll up fag
>>684147457
"The ability to do whatever you want but only in Nebraska"
It doesn't say you can only affect Nebraska, only that your powers are only usable there
>>684146611
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>684146126
Funny thing is that about a minute before thunderstorms my eyesight improves a bit
The ability to bring freedom. But only to the usa.
>>684147656
>Lips get wet
>You're fucked
>>684147879
Then it's not autistic. It's a perfect superpower for nighttime robbery. Doesn't matter if someone turns the lights on - it's dark, so you're invisible.
>>684148074
Ahahahahaha
>>684147816
Not a normal superpower, an autistic one.
>>684143594
The ability to shift up to 5 items into a perfect geometric arrangement with your mind
>>684147669
not a super power.. i can do that. my little brother did that. anyone COULD do that
>>684148262
autistic or not, it still has to be a superpower
>>684148074
That sounds great
>>684146231
I would become immortal and threaten to destroy everything unless the borders of Nebraska were expand to include the entire US.
>>684148133
Omg are u retarde or wat??
Darkness we were talking about is meant to be enough 'dark' so u can't ALREADY see it, ok tardman?
-steal something
-owner hears you
-turns on lights
-????
-profit
The ability to summon Hot Pockets from 2 floors above your desk in the basement
>>684146126
You see the lightning before the thunder happens anyway
>>684148133
>once they turn the lights on, its not dark anymore.
nobody ever said it had to be sunlight
>>684143594
Can sense the thought precesses of animals, but never understand them
>>684147016
I think I may be an autistic superhero...
>>684148410
Maybe the power allows the user to guess under any circumstances, such as when a normal human voice is too quiet to be heard.
The ability to repulse all QTs in a 10m radius with a perfectly executed dance and sweet proposal
>>684148586
Baited better than stalkers.
>>684148746
what the fuck are you on dude
The ability to explode on command, but when you do, you die.
>>684143594
>Autistic Superpowers
I has em in spades
- ability to make people uncomfortable with a single glance
- ability to answer greetings with an awkward greeting "How ya doin?" "Thanks." . . Shit
- ability to blush / sweat when standing w/in 3 feet of a woman
- ability to fuck up a story by assuming people know what I'm assuming
>>684148594
Nobody said it can't be just nighttime!
>>684147457
He's saying he would widen Nebraska's borders.
>>684143594
The ability to eat poison but nothing else
>>684149021
muslims
>>684144499
Full house check
sorry /b/ro for the rest of the ignorant cunts
also do you think you could handle that power
>>684149048
once again, autistic or not, they have to be superpowers
The ability to control blood.
>>684143594
The ability to heat up food but only in your colon
Your asshole can speak, but only like a Slav
CHEEKI BREEKI
The ability to see the future but you have alzheimer
>>684149106
it just said in the dark. nothing about day or night. it can be dark during day and light during the night
>>684149393
Essentially controlling any living creature since they're sacks of blood
Like bloodbending in Avatar. Not autistic at all
Ability to cut myself with unsharped things
>>684144602
>but what if you're invisible to everyone anyways
The ability to know which leaf on a tree will fall next
The ability to change your look but only for 0.00001 seconds
The power to roll winning numbers on a lottery ticket, but only if you don't buy a ticket or tell people the numbers.
>>684149652
Bet strangers, make money.
>>684149652
You can maybe make money with this...?????? I like it!
>>684149393
goodbye ED
the ability to change your eye color for 5 minutes, twice every 24 hours
>>684144499
Oh dear lord not again
The ability to tell who used a dildo by tasting it
>>684149745
how can you roll winning numbers if you dont ever buy a ticket? thats like, you can jump over any obstacle, but only if your feet dont leave the ground, kinda doesnt make sense
>>684143594
The ability to shitpost on /b/ without anyone ever bumping your thread.
>>684149652
finally a decent one
The ability to know where your last turd is.
>>684149915
mildy useful. perhaps could impress people or win bets
The ability to tell a joke perfectly but only if someone told the joke right before
>>684150086
Smear shit on people, track them. You're like Batman. But with shit.
The ability to put a bottle cap back on the bottle but only if its empty
See what you will see in the future but you are blind
>>684147098
>Not the Fifth Scents
The ability to know which battery in the remote control needs replacing.
>>684143594
The ability to call everyone else autistic and feel smarter than others but still failing at everything in life.
>>684150595
see
>>684149990
you can see something but youre blind? the definition of blind means you cant see
>>684143594
able to detect sarcasm in text
The ability to know the wrong answer to any question
>>684150776
The ability to know what you should say in any conversation but you can't talk
The power of instantaneous
>>684151018
in multiple choice, this would always result in a 100%. if you know all the wrong answers, the only one left is the correct one
>>684150847
I could become the best troll ever with that power. Perfect target selection.
The ability to lose the game
>>684151402
fuck
to be able to fart bees
you're not immune to your own power.
The ability to know which book page is dog-eared
>>684151402
You mean the on no one plays any more?
>>684143594
The ability to break the bones of any cat by merely petting it.
The ability to get any girl, but you are gay
The ability to taste colors
>>684151679
What if you're a girl
The ability to take any size cock in your ass but your hetero.
>>684144602
Could rob a bank as long as Noone was there
The ability to shit plastic sporks horizontally.
>>684151878
Circus freak
>>684151018
if you know the wrong answers to any question you eliminate all answers except the right one, like sherlock homes.
>>684151783
Ok correction get any opposit sex partner
>>684151928
You'd pay to see someone do that?
The power to spam celeb threads with selena gomez and marina
tha bility ta spel evry werd rong
>>684152023
Fuck! Wouldnt you?
>>684146272
>>684147642
Did he?
the power to become any character from an animated series... about ponies.
>>684149644
>feels thread man.jpg
>>684152167
Nah. That's something you could see for free in your local potato ward
>>684143594
niggers can't steal your bike, but everything else is fair game.
>>684152219
>let bronies fuck you for money
>profit
The ability to get a tan in one minute but you are a nigger
>>684147016
Sexy af
Moar!!
>>684150665
Not austitic
>>684152219
didnt specify it had to be MLP
>spend all your cash on making an animated series about ponies. it doesnt have to be good, it just has to exist
>design the main character who is the most powerful being in the universe, who also happens to be a pony randomly. who gives a shit it just has to exist.
>turn into that guy. be the most powerful being in the universe. and a pony
The ability to eat gravel and shit a brick
The ability to kill yourself
>>684152585
sell the bricks
>>684149950
lol
Could be good for parties
>>684152539
Live off of welfare and never have to lift another finger for work again.
>>684143594
I memorize just about everything. I am also basically an expert on every subject I've ever know about.
The ability to race snails
>>684152745
But it would hurt so bad to shit a brick fam
>>684152882
I guess that doesn't include English.
>>684147704
>switch back and forth several billion times a second
>kryptonite gathers in atmosphere
>create black hole with all the accumulated mass
>>684149021
Basically terrorist have super powers
>>684153086
Ambiguous language is my weakness anon. I thought we knew what autism was.
The ability to smell light waves
he's literally a fucking door
>>684147016
UGHHHH
>>684152947
a brick of cocaine sells for a lot.
become a drug dealer.
the KIND of brick was never specified.
>the ability to eat and drink from your nose without discomfort.
>>684152577
kek
>>684153301
i think it implies all the gravel is acuumulated into a brick. youd have to eat as much cocaine as you would shit. i dont think its creating matter, just rearranging it
>>684143594
The abilyti to mispel evary werd yoo teep, butt styll, bee sceen has e vary smalt main.
The ability to apply the perfect eye shadow to your asshole.
>>684149733
So how long is your cool down time? Cuz you could totally just activate this every time it expires
The ability to turn into a nigger
>>684153459
He did it right >>684152165
>>684150310
>>684153664
see >>684152854
Also you always get to play the race card and be right about doing so
>>684153485
Perfect for date night
>>684152298
Kek
This thread is fucking gold
>the ability to make your bed every morning
>>684152546
>>684153277
The ability to suck your own dick but you'll never cum
the ability to tell if food is poisoned by eating it
>>684154106
A+ to future girlfriends
>>684143594
Did anybody else think this movie was kind of autistic? Like it was overall a good movie with great fight scenes and some good humor, but I felt like a lot of the humor was really autistic and cringey, which made me realize why most of the people who are obsessed with Deadpool are autistic and cringey
>>684154230
Set up webcam to cater to lonely /b/tards. Make profit.
>>684147220
a good translator for the Arabic ruler? Gets good money,
>>684154337
The things that you call autistic are not, in fact, autistic.
>>684154337
>most of the people who are obsessed with Deadpool are autistic and cringey
Are you talking about the people that knew him before the hype or the people after it became popular?
The ability to take the perfect photo on a camera with a cracked lens
The ability to cure someone of any type of cancer, but they have to finger your asshole and both people have to enjoy it for at least 30 minutes.
>>684154664
Call it modern art and make millions
>>684154609
Before. The nerds.
And the fact that you asked that question makes me think that you're probably one of them
>>684143594
All a bunch of bullshit excuses made up by a bunch of god fearing retards about people who are independent with extremely high IQs.
I believe all god fearing people should suffer severely
>>684145927
Found the autist
>>684148586
autistic detected XD
The ability to summon someone called Monica
>>684154818
I'm just asking because I only knew one person who was really obsessed with deadpool two years ago and he was alright. I didn't even know much about him back then.
The ability to jizz on anything, no matter what. If you wanna jizz on it, it's gonna happen.
The abilty know exactly when your car will run out of petrol
>>684155376
Perfect for road trips
the ability to fly, but only inside planes.
Being able to speak in complete monotone.
>>684155037
fucking kek
>>684143594
Collapsing the US economy intentionaly
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/05/06/donald-trump-on-us-debt.html
>>684145490
Shouldn't have try going that deep on the scale autis-man.
anyone remember this fucking autist
>>684146611
What are you, stupid?
>>684147098
What does penetration smell like anyway?
>>684147098
Massive kek
The ability to create the rarest of pepes,
but only in dat boi threads
To be able to blink at such high speeds you appear to not be blinking at all
>>684155940
I have never had it explained how default would "wreck the economy." Other nations have defaulted. Puerto Rico just did. Didn't burn down.
I think the only people who scream about this are 1) the people to whom the government owes money and 2) gullible gentry who believe whatever men in suits tell them.
>but then people won't lend us more!
Good.
I can stay 1min underwater without breathing
>>684154208
yesyesyesyes....
the power to do every drug created for life and not die
>>684151783
Then tits or gtfo
>>684148124
Inside of your mouth is always wet so that power would never work
>just like your father
>>684157147
But can you still get addicted to addictive drugs, and do you still gain a cross-tolerance with psychedelics?
Ability to turn into a tree but never turn back
The ability to go through your entire life without talking to a female you aren't related to
>>684157578
"Son, I have one last thing to tell you before you travel the world".
"What dad?"
*turns into tree*
*no one believes the son.. Ever*
ability to become edgier
>>684156553
there's a difference between puerto rico defaulting, and a country that matters
A blind person who has the ability to see...
