>Convinced myself into talking to her >She just gave me a blank face >Next day expecting to get some sort of reaction >nothing >Even a "Fuck you" would have been better than this nothingness >but hey at least I did what most anons dream of doing
>>683557813 So they filled a bath tub with water, no doubt intending to slit wrists and ease bleeding with warm water or drop plugged in thing into water. Then said, fuck that takes to long, and cut their stomach open to disembowel themselves. Said nah this is to slow as well, and shot themselves in the head.
I'm just lonely. Got turned down today. Such is life. I hate the feeling of loneliness. Just wanna say, you guys are almost always here for /b/awwing or feels. Almost always, 24/7 someone who gets it and knows the feelings.
>>683557813 I recently realized how fucking pathetic of a human being I am. I got cheated on 5 years ago and it hit me real hard. Since then I've had 22 gf's. I've cheated on each and every single one of them. Fucking kill me.
>>683559660 Alright, you got me. >1988 >New Mexico >Had a stray cat we picked up named Pavlov >Hung around our place for a several years >My dad got a new truck and wasn't used to driving it >Was coming home from work one day and was backing into the driveway >Ran over the cat >We took the body out to White Sands to bury it >Was pretty young at the time so I didn't remember it all that well growing up >2010, I'm about to get married >Mom wants to show future wife all my cute kid videos >Pops in a tape >First thing I see is Pavlov on our old dining table >Immediately feel uncomfortable >My mom catches on to what it's about and tries to skip past it while joking with waifu >Almost every scene includes the cat up until just before we leave >it's a shot of me sitting on the back of a uhaul trailer asking when Pavlov is going to come so we can leave
>>683559338 Know that feel. My ex was also my best friend. The last time we spoke she told me her mother died, and otherwise she has avoided speaking/acknowledging my existence. I think about all my exes. Not really in the "holy fuck I love this person, why'd they leave me" way, but more like "this person was important in who I have become, and I wish I could speak to them."
The only girl I still could call a friend was, oddly enough, the one who abused me at a young age. Our sense of humor clicks fucking perfectly, so even though we hadn't spoken in 5 years, when I saw her at college we were laughing in seconds. Things like that amaze me..
Really I just need to ramble for a while. I have no emotional support group. I have no one I can speak to about what is on my mind. I have no one. I have little interest in others on an emotional or even physical level. At this point I jack off so infrequently I'm more liable to wake up jizzing in my sleep than I am to rub one out before I sleep. I'm so full of emotional shit I'm empty. I struggled with depression for years. I cut for a long time. I don't regret my scars because, again, they made me who I am. What I regret is not being able to escape my depression. I got a job some 6mo ago. At first I felt on top of the world. I though I wasn't depressed, anymore. I even stopped saying "I'm fine". But now, once again, I wake up every morning and wonder why the fuck I bother. I am going to do the same fucking thing every week. This is the treadmill of life, and it sucks. There is no progression.
I'm fine. I've told myself for years. I'm fine. If I say it enough I'll believe it. I'm fucking fine. Fine is subjective, and my relativity is fucked. i'm fine. /endramble
Sometimes I keep up the charade long enough to forget that I'm unhappy. But then it hits me, that i'm not actually happy, why is it so natural for me to pretend? I lie to myself and the world around me every day. for a while I can become content, I can laugh, I can sometimes even put on a genuine smile. but I catch myself. I can't fool myself for very long. I know how good of a liar I am. every day. every single day of my life, on the outside I'm stone faced by myself, around people, I put on my mask, but no matter what my expression, on the inside I want to cry , scream, vomit, collapse and do nothing all at the same time. I feel so much, yet nothing at all.
>be me >only one in group of friends with gf >everyone is jealous of me >secretly i am jealous of them >she locks me away and makes me avoid them >they dont notice >just think i'm a dick for 'leaving' them
I've got some feels for those who want to listen > Be me >Be having a great life >GF >Good friends >Pet dog too >Last year I got laid off >GF got really upset, she didn't want to work and I couldn't find another job > She breaks it up with me >Feels like garbage for days >Weeks >Friends don't visit me because of my depression. >Finally get a new job >It's a really demanding job so I don't get to spend a lot of time at home >My dog is also very demanding >Have to choose between a job and my only remaining friend >Come home one night >My dog jumps on me >He was upset that he couldn't see me as often >He had the goofiest grin "Wanna go for a ride?" >Take my dog to the pound, crying >Park in the lot and don't move, only crying >Dog licks my face >Can't do it >I take her tags off and I open the door >She turns her head at me and nuzzles my leg >I start to ball again >My dog whimpers, walking over to me >I shake my head, calling her to the building >I give my dog to the people at the pound >They give me some tissues and try to consul me >I'm still clearly sad >Come back home >Lay on my bed, tears streaming down my face >Try to ask some friends on advice >No one picks up I've lost everyone in half a year I'll never see my dog again
>>683563609 Oh that reminds me. Same anon as >>683562332 >2000 Korea >Knew a kid named Fernando >He was really introverted, very sarcastic >Not a particularly popular kid because of that >Would usually hang around the school library playing chess or starcraft on the school computers >He didn't have a lot of friends because he was kind of dick to strangers >His birthday rolled around >Because he pretty much refused to talk to anyone, no one knew it was his birthday >He got home from school and saw his parents hadn't done anything for him >Assumed everyone had forgotten about him so he hanged himself in his closet >Turns out his parents had planned a surprise party for him and told everyone they had invited to play dumb >The school had a huge memorial service for him and even then most people didn't even know who he was and were calling him by the wrong name
>>683565144 It was a riot man. They had powerpoint shows going with pictures of him, shitty music, the whole nine yards. They had people calling him Pablo, Juan, Miguel, damn near anything you could come up with. All the while these were the same people that were shoving him around in the hallway because he was "that nerdy kid" and short.
Guys I am in way over my head and I'm kinda scared. I think I fell in love, a little bit.
I am the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve and usually if I think someone's attractive, I make the first move and if rejected, am able to move on with my life with a shrug. I would like to say I am a confident person who would like people to like me, but is completely fine if they don't. That being said, I pretty much always remain a few steps detached from people and friends as a learned defense mechanism.
But this one person, this one stupid insignificant person, who I will probably never see again after next September, hell, maybe even after May, somehow wormed their way in me, past every single wall I have built up. He didn't even do anything special. He's just been doing regular friendly just-friend stuff that dozens of people have done with me before. It's never meant anything other than peasantries to me before.
I don't really know what happened. One moment he was driving me home after a late night showing of Rocky Horror, we were talking absentmindedly about what would realistically happen should he lose control of the car and he launched into this matter of fact explanation of why I would be screwed... I happened to look at him, and he looked different. He looked differently than the hundred other times I have seen him, and it wasn't a late night horny thing. It was I wanted to just sit forever in the moment, in the passenger's seat of his truck, just looking at him and half listening to him jokingly predict our chances of survival.
I feel...scared? Idk. I have put so much effort into protecting myself, but this guy just effortlessly and unknowingly barged in. In any other situation with any other guy, I would straight up not have anytime for bullshit and would lay my feelings on the table. Hey, you're pretty cute, want to get coffee? But this guy, this person who is no different from any number of people, made himself unique and memorable and utterly unapproachable. I get fucking butterflies when I talk to him. What the fuck.
>>683564671 Thats some rough shit man, my dog whom I've had for like 8 years ran way this Feb while I was here at University. I spent like a week with no sleep since I LOVED that dog Lori, and she loved so much too. I'll miss the days when I'd get back from work or school and she'd run up to meet me. I hope you hold up well dude.
this all starts about a week ago. Short and sweet I guess >meet a girl through facebook >we start chatting >it's immediately obvious that she's into me and she's cute and funny so I keep chatting her up >she asks me to call her that night so I do. >we talk for 6 hours straight >It's like love at first sight but instead of me seeing her it was just hearing her voice >god her laugh is so beautiful >her ex is crazy jealous >he did some fucked up shit to her I feel like it's important to note hear that I live in Oregon and she Lives in North Carolina, so about 2000 miles away. >4 days after we start talking I'm laying in bed and I get a call from her >she's crying >her ex broke in and raped her >at first I believe her wholly >but the longer it goes on the less I do >I finally get him to leave her alone earlier tonight but on the condition I meet up and fight him when he's in Oregon next for holiday or some shit >stupid fucking kid >I asked her to report him to the police >for some reason she says she can't >we spend a half hour on the phone and neither of us say anything
I am just so overwhelmed by all of this, and I don't know what to do.
I'm taking my car to my dad's house and I'm walking into an Army recruiter's office and I'm doing whatever it takes to get out as fast as I can.
I don't wanna leave her but the more I think about it the more I think about how I barely even know who she is, and I seriously don't think I can handle this too much longer.
wish me luck bros. I'm halfway between hoping I come back and she'll be able to come to me and hoping that I just get blown up and remembered as a hero.
I feel like I have no purpose in life, I'm just here to work my ass off and die some day, no will to live, too much of a pussy to an hero, can't talk about my depressing feelings because everytime I tried in the past no one cared, so now I have just too hard of a time opening up to people. Don't even want to be around people, just want to die, I always feel empty inside, came to this thread to try and cry hoping it'd make me feel better, sad stories yet to mkae me cry. Don't even know who I am anymore...
>be me in high school >sophomore year >typical group of friends >always laughing and enjoying life >at night we skype >waste the night away playing CSGO and LOL > this goes on for a while and we are happy as can be >there is one kid in our friend group, lets call him anon >we all loved anon > it was almost as if our friendship revolved around him >One day he tells us he has to move to L.A >we are really sad and shit and we say our goodbyes >we still skype every night >this does on for months >we showed us a website >Lostallhope.com >dont give much thought about it >we go on the website and its about suicide >we dont pay much attention because anon is always laughing and kekking around >the website was super interesting btw >he would come visit us often >he came around during Halloween, we had tons of fun rejoicing and trick or treating >he leaves back to LA >At this point every time we were sad he would bring up lostallhope.com >it started bugging me >i didnt think much of it >11/21/15 >i get a DM from his bigger brother anon >asks me when the last time i talked to anon was. >tell him yesterday and he tells me to call him >"anon killed himself" >those words seared into my mind forever
>>683557813 >Be me, 11th grade, school year just started >Finally get my Driver's license after being 16 for a while >Got a job as a CNA during the summer >Got over my old crush, took way too long >Start talking to this one girl on the bus, knew her a little bit since she didn't live far from me
>Talk to her and start to flirt a little bit >Eventually we hang and go to the gym together after school >Worked 4-9 that day at work >Got yelled at for not going home that day before work >Worth it, hit on girl a few times, eventually agree to hang out at her house
>Fast forward to Oct, 26th, 2013 >Girl and I play Black Ops II on her PS3 together >Eventually we're hanging on her couch in the living room >Her sister and my little sister literally in next room behind wall of the couch >Ask her if she wants to go out with me >She says yes >Fuckyea.png
>Go through a lot of my firsts, including kissing, sex, all the new stuff cuz i'm a social retard who couldn't talk to girls easily at the time >Struggle sometimes >Get mad at her a little but brush it off because I care too much
"I know I'm old, anon... My motherboard buzzes and pops loudly whenever I'm running... It'll probably short out soon... But I want you to know... the time we spent together... I loved every minute of it.
...I wish I could keep going for you. I wish I could run all the new software for you. All the new games... I wish I could play 1080p videos without stuttering... but I can't.
And that's why... that's why I understand... I'll understand that when I go, you'll need to get a new computer. It's okay... The most important thing to me... is that you're happy...
And that's why I'll keep working for now... So please... just for now... be patient with me. I might get overstressed and crash a lot. I might forget what I'm doing and terminate your programs. But if you save often, it'll be okay... right? It'll be okay and you can keep letting me work for you until my last breath...
Maybe... Maybe you could even use some of my parts? I know you upgraded my video card a couple of years ago... It's probably out-of-date by now, but if you could use it in a new computer... that would make me happy... It'd be like I was still working hard for you... But if you don't... that's okay, too. I understand...
It hurts... It h-hurts, anon... no, no, I'm okay. I don't have to go. Not yet... I still have some time left. So please... use me... let me work for you... until the very last moment... my darling..."
>>683567010 Pt 2. >Senior Year >Prom is coming up >She wants to go, her mom wants her to go with me >I say No, hardly anyone of my class is going anyway. Our prom is a waste. >Graduate >Move away in August, an hour south from where I used to live for College >It's harder this way, working a new job in assisted living and college >Gradually see her less and less >Worked on her 17th Birthday, feelsbadman >Valentine's day rolls around, 2016 >Agree to go to Deadpool the next day >Had a lot of fun, really the last really fun thing I remember doing with her >Early March >Tells me our relationship is starting to get shaky >She has feelings for someone else >They kissed >Sad, Mad but mostly completely numb.
>Been a few months now >She went to prom with some guy I used to know a little bit >The guy she kissed is dating someone else >She's trying to date some guy now, they could be dating for all I know >Hurts everyday, not back in college yet, can't even talk to new girls
She says that the guy was mostly for me to move on but it hurts a lot. It's easy for me to say I need to move on and get over it but it's so difficult once the sun goes away and i'm alone in the middle of the night because I can't sleep.
>>683567582 Hits too close to home... pretty much same except she's still with the guy she kissed. I still stalk her facebook and she looks really happy with her new guy, even though its been one month. Sitting here drowning in my own tears.
>>683568133 I try not to stalk her on FB. I even deleted her but I keep going back and it hurts every fucking time.
I'm sorry, man. I want to say it gets better with time, but that's only if you're active about getting better. So, if you have any chance with other women, take it. Because I don't have that much in this town if i'm not going to college.
>>683568275 Self harmed really bad for almost a year. Eighteen months clean now. Some of the scars healed, some still haven't. Felt good at the time but made me feel worse after. It's much better to put on Joyride by Transit or Deja Entendu by Brand New and just cry.
>>683566731 pic related >flash forward to 12/5/15 >day of anons funeral >open casket >i walk up to the casket >it hit me like a train >anon is never gonna come back >no more late night talks with anon >no more games with anon >i cried >i wouldn't stop crying >i delivered my eulogy >i whimpered and choked at every word >after the talking i put on my white gloves >this was the part that i dreaded most >i waited in a side room with my friends and a few of his family >my heart dropped when i heard a scream >it was anons mother >she bent over the casket wailing and howling > she just wanted her baby boy back >we all wanted anon back >we carried his body to his grave >it hurts so much >we saw them lower the body into the ground >goodbye anon >ill see you in the hereafter >we then go to the spot where he killed himself >it was on top of a parking garage (PIC RELATED) >he jumped >every night i still beat myself up >i wish i didnt take it as a joke when he brought up Lostallhope.com >i wish I talked to him >he would always help me with my problems >i never asked about his >im sorry anon >i love you >we all love you >rest easy anon
>>683568275 Do what this pathetic guy has done, masturbate chronically. It's both a distraction and pleasure. Only down side is that even on the off chance I can get a one-night-stand, the sex feels like nothing at all.
Little by little, one by one, every person in my life is drifting away, and the thing that hurts the most is that I realized it just recently, it was too slow Bros Now I don't care, or I don't wanna care, it won't get better with time
I'm intelligent, good-looking, doing very well in college and have plenty of friends. I am happy and outgoing and known for always being calm and happy. I make jokes and make people laugh and when people need help, I am strong for them and I am a leader.
But nobody is strong for me. I can't show my sadness or anger or else I just become another person. Nobody wants to hear problems from others, only to have others hear their problems. I'm very kind to everybody and make people happy because I don't want anyone else to ever have to feel the way I do inside.
All until 12th grade, I had no friends and was consistently bullied by both my teachers and classmates. I was raped in Boy Scouts. My mother did not and still does not respect me. She provides me with things I need and acts kind to me usually, but views me as inferior to her and generally stupid and a loser. Despite my life currently being far ahead of where she was at her age. And despite my ability to act like a decent fucking human.
She doesn't care that I'm depressed and only made me feel like even more shit because my depression is affecting my sleeping habits.
I have a boyfriend who doesn't take me seriously and the only people I have to talk to are my three rabbits.
I'm double-majoring in biology and chemistry and attempting to dabble in politics and do art as a hobby. I am a junior in college and have job offers from environmental companies already. I recently joined an art honors society in recognition of my contribution to the arts. I consistently score as being more intelligent and knowledgable than most people in my generation.
I'm a fucking deity and yet, one can't brag about ones abilities without people viewing you as narcicisstic. I have mixed anger/depression issues.
being a man and wanting to kill yourself, no one cares, men commit suicide 3x more than women, but no one cares, no one talks about it, no one understand that us as men can't show that we hurt emotionally, it's not manly, how I can we deal with something that we can't talk about, that's why we choose suicide because it hurts less than knowing no one cares about our pain
>>683570236 The loneliness got to him. Ever since he moved to LA things went downhill. Online schooling didn't help either. He told us that he was happiest when he was skyping us. It took his mind off of things.
>Be me in college, away from home >Hopeless romantic >Meet gorgeous woman at orientation >Lets call her Homegirl >Gets the balls to talk to her >Every word that comes out of her mouth makes me want her a little bit more >Has a boyfriend >Lets call him Homeboy >Homegirls current relationship & my past relationship are too similar >Predict events in homegirls relationship before they happen due to my past experiences. >Predicted every event correctly word for word. >Can tell homegirl really loves homeboy >Homeboy treats her like shit >Homegirl still tries 110% >Decides to try to give homegirl advice on how to hopefully make their not end like mine did >Don't want her to go through the heartbreak I did >I'm way too fucking nice
>Fast forward few months >Still predicting the demise of homegirls relationship and how each fight will pan out >Still hang out as friends on the regular tho >End up getting so close that we understand every little thing about each other >Homegirl is still with homeboy >Closest I've ever been with anyone >Shared scar stories >Shared darkest moments in life >Shared darkest secrets >Shared. Fucking. Everything. >Start falling for homegirl >"If I wasn't dating him, I would 110% be with you." >Kthx >Homeboy still treats homegirl like shit >Constantly complains about boyfriend to me >Friendzone >Tried to tell feelings to fuck off >Still want to be her friend >Eventually get over it >They're gonna break up anyway with how my predictions are going >If it's meant to be, it'll happen >Loljk this is fucking college.
>Be me 2.5 years ago >Senior >Smartest kid in school (35 ACT) >Plenty of friends, couple of close friends >Been dating the girl of my dreams for 3 months >Playing hockey at a very high level, full ride scholarship to Divsion 1 University >Love life for the most part >Making out with gf, keep trying to say I love you >Finally squeek out "i love you" in a voice so soft I wasn't sure I actually spoke >She immediately responds "I love you too!" in the cutest voice ever >Happiest moment of my life by 1000 miles >I replaybit over and over in my mind as I fall asleep because it's the only way I can >2 months later, get kicked off team for fighting >Hockey was legitimately my will to live >Complete plane crash from here on out >Do drugs all day every day for 3 months >Cheat on gf >Get dumped >3 more months of drugs >Drop out of high school 1 month from graduation >OD and call the police on myself while getting the shit beat out of me >Have a heart attack
>Now >alcoholic >addicted to cigarettes and caffeine >Exasperated heart >terrible circulation, racing heart, chest pain every day >tell no one ever because too ashamed >can't quit drinking and smoking because worthless >grown apart from friends because depression >date girls, leave them when I start to like them because I don't want to hurt them >work shitty factory job >brain doesn't work right anymore >act crazy >can't sleep unless wasted >never too wasted to think about her saying "I love you too" >only time I feel happy >stick handgun in mouth on a weekly basis and try my hardest to pull the trigger >too much of a pussy >no interests apart from shitposting >no friends
I don't know what to do :( Too fucking worthless. All you guys were dealt a shit hand I was dealt 4 aces and still fucked it up beyond repair I could've been great I am worthless
>>683572594 I know what it's like, my girlfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago and I've been contemplating suicide ever since. She was the one thing that made life worth living and I lost her. I got no one to blame but myself
>be 15 >closeted gay in a christian school >been there my entire life >known most of the students and faculty on a personal level >come out to my best friend summer before sophomore year >tough road ahead >school starts >really fucking proud of myself >i don't hate myself anymore >i can finally be who I am >a few months pass >only best friends know I'm gay >develop crush on this preppy junior guy who's also a friend >write him a letter cause I don't see him that often and I don't have his phone number >"hey anon I'm gay and I'd like to be friends" >week passes >get called into principals office >smug cunt tells asks me if I wrote an "inappropriate letter'? >lady goes on this whole spiel on why being gay is wrong and I should feel bad >"Anon was VERY upset by your letter" >leave office with a warning >go to bathroom and cry harder than I think I've ever cried before >all the confidence >all the pride >all gone >with nothing but loathing and disgust in its wake >started off chain of depression and suicidal thoughts >honestly fuck that school
About a week ago, last sunday, I had my first kiss with this girl I met on tinder. I was smiling the whole train ride home. She later says that she would love to be my first for essentially everything else as well, but as long as I'm not looking for anything serious, because she wanted something casual (friends with benefits, essentially). We make plans to meet up again at her dorm on Thursday. Thursday comes and we're making out on her bed, and eventually I start to kiss her stomach and keep going lower until I start to eat her out. First time I've done any of this. I tell her I'm going to go to the restroom real quick, and come back about a minute later.
I sit down next to her and move in to kiss her when she gets an "urgent" call from her friend who apparently desperately needs her help at that exact moment. So, she essentially kicks me out, and I'm 100% sure she texted her friend to call her in a minute or so while I was in the bathroom so she would have an excuse to do it. She proceeds to ghost me and block me on all social media afterwards.
Barely knew her for two weeks, but it still stung like a bitch because she was the first girl I've done any of that shit with. Honestly would have preferred for her to have told me to fuck off instead.
So I've been signed off work with depression for 2 months now with no end in sight. I just sit around drinking and watching shit I don't even care about on YouTube. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I used to be a beta fag playing vidya all the time but I don't even enjoy that now. Don't have the balls to an hero but I cut sometimes just to feel something.
>Fast forward a few months >Fall into crazy depression, health issues cause me to fly back home for two months to recover >Didn't talk to anyone back in college town while I was away, including homegirl. >Homegirl is pissed >Apologized to homegirl >Homegirl says fuck off and cuts me off >Fast forward 2 months >Homegirl texts me >Homegirl and homeboy broke up >Called it
>Fast forward a week >Be at homegirls house catching up on things >Catch feelings for her again >At least now she's single >The break up sinks in >Homegirl finally has a panic attack and breaks down >Homegirl cries and screams for what felt like an hour >Comforts homegirl, assuring her everything will be okay >Homegirl stops crying, says she feels better >I reassure her that she'll feel better and things will be okay
>Start talking shit about homeboy with homegirl >Homegirl explains how he sucked in the sack and she never felt appreciated >Hooked up with homegirl >Both agreed it was for her to get over him >Okay anon, don't catch feelings >Caught feelings >Homegirl says she'd never felt how I made her feel before >End up spooning and watching a movie for the rest of the night >My emotions are through the roof >Want to tell her how I feel >Homegirl fell asleep
I know it's kind of pathetic, but whenever I'm up too late, I look up my first ex's profile on Facebook. Just curious how she is doing. I havn't even seen her in person in maybe a year, except for a split moment once. And since she was with her fiance, I avoided her like the plague. And I havn't even texted her since November. It's been about 4 years since we were intimate, but I still think about her so often. I wish I could get her out of my head.
>be two months ago >riding my bike >at stop sign intersection >drunk asshole comes speeding in his van >hits me >jolt forward on to my handlebars causing me to fall backward violently >hit head, black out, don't get plates >wake up in hospital >fucking respirator down my throat what the fuck? >nurse notices I'm awake, they take respirator out hours later when doc comes >notice something's up >I'm manually breathing and when I stop, I stop breathing >whatthefuck.jpg >get hungry >ask nurse for food and tell doc about breathing problem >they say I might have acquired central hypoventilation syndrome >gr8m8 >30min later nurse brings food >can't taste food at all >tell doc >"well anon if that's true you might have ageusia your whole life" >fuck me, can't taste anything forever >try crying because of this shit >can't even cry anymore
I can't cry, I can't breathe without thinking about it and I need a CPAP machine to sleep at night, and I can't taste food. Probably gonna an hero soon, life doesn't seem worth it anymore. Sorry for godawful green text, just thought I should get this off my chest.
>>683573128 wow 2 months! That's an immeasurably long time, all those others that have had fake depression for years simply cannot compare to you, you are undoubtedly the most unhappy and deserve to be given everything in life for free so you can be happy
>>683567582 >>683568133 I wnet through some similar shit a year ago anons, best advice i got was from b you gotta treat it like a toxic waste, you want to fix it but the more you mess with it the more fucked up your gonna get best option is to just let it sit, ignore it, her, them, everything fuck em all, you're the only one that means shit eventually come back and fix it when it doesn't hurt, or if it always does never look back i know it's hard, my ex cheated on me with my best friend for months and I didn't know, had to cut both of them out waited a long time, he and I shook on it, will talk, nothing more, I never acknowledge her thats how I dealt with my toxin, how are you gonna deal with yours? you gotta decide that..
>>683557813 love her, she loves me back, distance breaks the bubble, she is thousands of miles away, fighting everyday to finally find a way to reach her, afraid of losing her if I fail to acomplish it, afraid she will forgot about me every single day, await her texts like a starving dog await it's food...... I think about you so much " C" ....
>Next day >Plan to tell Homegirl how I feel and hope for the best >Walk to homegirls place >Homegirl opens the door with one hand, swyping right with the other >Homegirls friends convinced her to make a Tinder >Decide to let her do her thing and get her rebounds in >Fast forward a week >Homegirl about 5 - 10 dudes deep from Tinder >Notice some things off about homegirl >Smile isn't the same >Laugh isn't the same >Constant blank expression >Reading her like a book
>Homegirl texts me at 4am >Homegirl had a bad tinder date, says she's done with Tinder and she wants to talk to me >Walks over to homegirls place >Homegirl is putting on make up >Says she looked ugly without it >I disagree >Low key thing she's the most beautiful girl I've layed eyes on, makeup or not.
>Homegirl gets a match on Tinder >"I thought you were done with tinder because of a bad date?" >Homegirl says it was a misunderstanding with the date and she overreacted. >Says we can chat for like 20 minutes because a new boytoy is coming over >Try convincing her out of it >Doesn't bother listening & says I don't need to worry about her.
I worry about you constantly. I know the old you is in there, somewhere.
I want the old you back. Not even on a relationship level fuck all of that. It doesn't matter how hard I've fallen for you or how much you've hurt me without knowing it.
>>683573664 Thanks. I have a small inkling of hope but its dwindling. I can't exercise much anymore because I can't breathe right, so I'm becoming fat. Makes me kinda wanna an hero more, thinking of myself as obese. If I do become obese, I'll probably just off myself.
>>683559234 My best friend left me after she let her boyfriend block me through her facebook account for three whole years. I go on a week ago and notice that she unblocked me, engaged in conversation to realize she had broke up with him and now Shes pregnant.
>>683574470 >Some people are thinking of you That's the only reason I'm still here. I don't wanna pass my depression on to others by killing myself, but if things don't get a little better I don't know what I'll do.
>>683574408 i'm sorry anon but i have very little sympathy for you. what was up with all that arrogant bullshit like "yep i called it", or "i know where this was heading". what you should have done from day 1 was respect her and homeboy's relationship. if it didn't work out then go for it; otherwise from the start you should have just told her he's not good enough for you.
I did respect her and homeboys relationship. I never tampered with the relationship at all in a negative way. They got into a fight, I told her how to resolve it peacefully because I didn't want them to break up. They broke up on their own terms. She told me they broke up after two months of not talking to me.
Like I said, both of our relationships were way too similar.
Had a bad reaction to some antidepressants I didn't even want to take. Now I may have schizophrenia. My dad is my best friend in the world and just got through serving out a five year sentence but I can't even stand to be around him because he's on Xanax all the time and I practically have to baby sit him while I'm with him. I'm 19 and stress is causing my hair to fall out prematurely. I'm 6ft. 2in and have pectius caranatum from which I slouch to hide which has given me many back problems and pain. I'm constantly thinking about suicide and how I'm never gonna have a future because I'm too broken of a person to even go outside and cut the grass or anything. even as I sit here my dad is nodding off trying to talk to me. when he's like this he hugs me and calls me by childhood nicknames.
>>683569531 you know, if anybody asked me who i thought was secretly depressed, i would point a girl i know just like you. just because you have it good doesn't invalidate how you feel. im here you for you still
>>683575355 The problem is you described yourself as a "hopeless romantic" etc. so straight off the bat, when you first met her, you already started having expectations from her. I don't blame you as I think many on this site are.
However, when you realized she has a boyfriend, you should have just backed off from there, especially if you didn't know her well (why did you commit to being her friend apart from simply the fact you found her attractive, and perhaps eventually expected something out of it?).
>>683575328 Dude i thought my problems were bad some fucker just basically took your life away, for no reason, I couldn't imagine not being able to even cry, in your situation that's all I'd want to do. I can't save you... but my god I wish I could, I wish I could just heal you and take the pain away, breathe life back into your lungs. but I can't, and you're probably right, damnit ;~; life just fucks you, but you gotta fuck back bro, fuck life back, and if you don't make it, I'm gonna fuck life on your behalf, you're beautiful, stay strong.
>long distance girlfriend broke up with me after cheating on me for almost a month >started drinking a lot, getting drunk every night >this was a few months ago, dont think about much anymore >dont drink much anymore, but constantly craving getting drunk all the time >now im started to like another girl, but too scared to ask her out in case the same thing happens >it doesnt get better anons, the pain just comes from something else
>>683557813 >Feels thread, /b/? Okay this is gonna sound homo ish...but what if we made a group somewhere where all of us can talk man because all.of us here seem to get eachother. Too bad we dont know eachother in person....
>>683575666 >However, when you realized she has a boyfriend, you should have just backed off from there
Waste of triple 6's. This is terrible advice. All girls want to meet someone else while they are in a relationship. Guaranteed she doesn't love the guy she's with, she's bored af and waiting for someone else to swoop in.
>>683569531 I am not that good like you at everything you say you are, but, about listening the problems from everyone around and stay strong for them, while ignoring my own, we are on the same boat, you are not alone in this wolrd, cheer up
We met from orientation and we ended up having quite a few mutual friends, so we became friends. Probably should of mentioned that.
Ended up shortening the story because I'd still be telling it rn. Probably should of just told it in its entirety.
I never really expected anything out of it. Obviously I had hopes, but ruining the relationship was never the intention. Yeah, I had feelings for her. But I still put those feelings aside and respected her relationship.
I respected the fact that she had a boyfriend and tried to fix their relationship so it wouldn't fall apart like mine did.
>>683575979 I agree with you. But my point is it's a waste of time with those sort of girls from the start, unless the only thing you're looking for is some casual sex (but even then, I don't think it's worth it: call me old fashioned, but I think if that's all you're after then respect their relationship by staying away in the first place).
Why commit emotionally to a girl who's already committed to someone else? Why actively cuck yourself from the start? If you're honest with yourself you would realize the only reason anon got close with a girl he barely knew was because he had expectations for something to come out of it (being the hopeless romantic he is); if you think you can swoop a girl away from someone else, then there's no reason why eventually someone else won't swoop her away from you (as happened in Anon's case).
Rather long-winded, but my point is basically, it's a lose-lose situation. Don't go for them in the first place, they're not worth it.
>>683558831 eh i guess i've always known besides not being remembered is a gift you can do whatever the fuck you want and people might care for a week or two but you'll be forgotten. just use it for humor and it's good pretend you're insane for a day you might like it It's like 4chan your post's are deleted a little while after you write them unless they're well written than someone might screen shot it but who gives a fuck it's not like people will be able to identify you by username so call whoever you want a faggot start a shouting match with a crazy guy flame war over over whatever you don't even need to give a fuck about what you're flaming over the difference between the internet and real life is on the internet people think you can't find them again but in real life the chances of running into the same person twice is tiny and the chances of them remembering you are even smaller accept on the internet people will be able to go back and see exactly what you said
and most people don't run around recording everything and if you are recorded saying fucked up shit for keks people will forget in a few weeks or months
>>683576774 >there's no reason why eventually someone else won't swoop her away from you
this is inevitable with women. Realistically, some day some one will probably take her away too. You have to live in the moment with women. It's not about being a cuck, it's just about appealing to the female mind.
dfw finally jumping the gap between you and your best friend that you're secretly in love with, suddenly forgetting and leaving behind all sadness and doubt and side by side walking into a bright future of love understanding and teamwork
>>683577548 Nothing wrong with pursuing single women, it's probably a safer bet tbh. But he should go after her, if he wants her. He can make the relationship end himself. People do it all the time and no one seems to care.
>be me, 8 y/o >grandpa buys me Super Smash Bros for N64 when it first comes out >we play all the time, for years >grandpa loves Captain Falcon >that fucking Falcon Punch sound is burned into my memory >becomes an inside joke with me and gramps, say it all the time and throw fake punches at each other >gramps continues to do it to me for years >becoming a teenager I stop finding it so funny >stop going to gramps house entirely for a while >still see him at holidays and other places for a short time every now and again >more years pass >get a call from mom while at work that gramps isn't going to make it much longer and I should come say goodbye >he had been sick for a while with cancer and was basically just being made comfortable with a hospice program >haven't seen him since it got bad, since I moved away after college >drive in to old town and go to hospital to see gramps >everyone is crying >he is just laying there, he has lost so much weight I can barely recognize him >immediately start to cry >everyone is saying there final goodbye while gramps just lays there with his eyes barely open, not saying anything >finally, he motions over to me and I stop crying long enough to walk over to him >"What is it gramps? I just want you to know I love you and I'm going to mi-" >gramps cuts me off mid-sentence >his arm is extending towards my face, slowly and his arm is shaking so bad >curls his hand into a fist and tries to exclaim: >"Faaalcon Puuuunch!" >it's barely a whisper >his fist lightly touches my cheek and his faces tightens up into a smile as tears are rolling down my face "I love you gramps!"
He said a few more words to my mom and grandma, but that was all the had left in him. He passed away a few minutes later. He made sure the last thing he said to me was our very own inside joke. It had always meant so much to him, even though I thought be both had forgotten.
>>683577840 > He can make the relationship end himself. > People do it all the time and no one seems to care. This is exactly what I don't understand though. Most of these feel posts are basically, girl I liked chose another guy over me; gf cheated on me.
Hence, despite the anon who posted the original story being a b/tard, I have no sympathy for the fact he basically tried to be that guy, whether he overtly admits it or not.
>Be a geology major >Hating it >Not sleeping well >One massive project after another >No solid answers, just theories and hundreds of explanations for bullshit and I can't get a single one right >Too far in the major to switch >I want to die
>>683578132 I have no sympathy for anyone. I'm just saying he could initiate the end of the relationship himself, he shouldn't stay away. Women seem to be attracted to what they can't have, like a shiny, expensive fucking diamond. They are materialistic creatures, so embody that to get one.
>>683578455 your problem is that you see yourself having to make yourself desirable to women in order for them to like you. make yourself better for yourself, and find a girl who likes you for you. that's the only way to get a keeper (someone who likes you for you, and not what you have).
>>683579082 >she met someone new and ended every thing we had for nothing.
I'm so sorry to hear that anon. Tbh I'm worried if I'll ever find a girl who can really love me forever. But I don't want to resort to hitting on/waiting for girls already in relationships because I don't want to be "that guy".
I was with her for a year /b/. After 3 months my job took me away. She was never interested in sex. I figure it could have been her head, she always had headaches and her one eye always stayed dialated. Maybe she has a brain tumor is what the doctors said. I'll never know, I left her. She wasn't interested in anything sexual, didn't like skype, and I couldn't see her often. I miss her anon. I should have never left. She said we could be friends. I believed it because I know she's different. She hasn't talked to me since. It's been a month. It hurts. I fucked up. Her family fucking hates me, she fucking hates me, I fucking hate me.
>>683579501 Dude there's a reason everyone tells you that. It just isn't good for anyone. Can you give any validation for hitting on a girl already in a relationship other than "fuck it I don't care" or "girls are just like that".
Its basically what im going to tell a doctor when i ask for something to help me.
>graduated high school in 2011, and i just got out of a 2 year relationship
>shortly after graduating my Mom fell down stairs, and broke her arm. Our family gave her a lot of support when she was in recovery but after her recovery she left a note for my dad saying she wants a divorce
>The divorce and my break up affected me for two or three years till i pretty much got over it
>since the divorce and losing my girl friend, i for some reason dont have the motivation to do anything with my life and its been like this for 5 years since i graduated high school
>in these 5 years iv spent 90% of my time just playing video games. Which I feel this made the way i think a lot worse.
>i am now a really pessimistic person, i see everyone and everything as stale, fake, and selfish. I too am also guilty of this. (music, videos, meeting people)
>I pretend to be happy when im around friends just to try and keep them around, but im pretty sure some can see right through it. I feel like im losing all my friends except for one.
>lately a lot of pressure as been put on me to find a job, which is fine. Its a matter of finding a job i hate the least.
>when i look for a job, i always think about how if there was a light switch i could turn off that kills me instantly, and everyone forgot about me instantly, i would rather do that than go to a job i hate.
>The same thought crosses my head when i need to do simple house chores as well because i am that lazy
>I dont think ill ever kill myself because the process is too painful and inconvenient, but the MAIN reason i wouldnt is my family.
>lately iv experienced my first ever mild panic attacks from financial and family pressure.
>I recently experienced a new feeling that made me want to see a doctor, which is the want to shave my head, and pull out some of my teeth.
>>683579501 No anon. Shit heads act like shit heads and they all band together in their shit headery and you want to be a part of it. You're the shithead, nice people don't want anything to do with people like you.
>>683579834 Also for those wondering about the hair/teeth thing, i feel as if my teeth are the physical manifestation of the pressure i feel. And if i were to pull some out some of that pressure would go away.
>I love my mum and dad >They divorced when I was young >My dad started having an affair with a local slag >They married and moved 90 miles away >while my dad was away working she was entertaining male friends >My mum moved us across country and lives a few miles from my dad and his slag of a wife > My step-mum persuades my dad to mortgage his house give her the money so she can buy a house to rent to one of her children >My mum and dad start seeing each other again. I hope they will get back together. >Step-Mum has massive heart attack and then a massive stroke and spend 2 weeks in a coma. >Mr Dad is stuck now looking after this whore. He doesn't have the courage to leave her as he is now virtually her full time carer. >All his money is tied up in a house that is in this sluts name. >I was praying she would die so my dad would get his money back and he would then get back together with my mum.
>>683572324 Do whatever you can to get off the chemical addictions. They don't make you yourself anymore, you turn into a different person when you are under any type of heavy influece like drugs/alcohol. What you feel and see and do under that is not your baseline state. Misery is a huge part of life and that will never go away. If you have ever laughed at something in life, as stupid as it was, that was what made life worth living. At least, that's what keeps me going. Laughing and thinking and wondering makes this insanely detailed simulation somewhat worthwhile. Mostly just laughing though. Even if it's at a stupid fucking meme or something. That tiniest grain of elation made all the shittiness I feel worth it. And if I can laugh or smile at some dumb ass thing again tomorrow, I'll keep doing that until it's no longer possible. When that time comes, I will choose to leave on my own terms I hope. Maybe onto another journey, but at least it will be the end of the current one. I'm 99% sure there is nothing after this life, but that's ok. It's not like I can control it anyway.
>Had I friend named Owen. >He had leukaemia >Kids would always make fun of him for his lack of hair >Kids made fun of him for his breathing tubes >One day some faggot even pulled them out >He ended up dieing >Dipshit mom wouldn't let me see him at the hospital because it was past my bedtime >Cry about it for weeks >Current bitch principal does nothing >She leaves and a better principal comes >She learns about his death >She plants a tree in the playground in honour of his death >Almost no one knew who he was >I yelled on it when kids broke the branches on the tree >Still did up to when I was in 6th grade >25 now >Still feel bad for not seeing him before his death
>>683580807 Graduation is on July 25th I have to present the final work of all these 4 years, I haven't started it /b/ I can't even start it, I'm just ignoring it and feeling bad as fuck, can't get sleep, I'm not even hungry anymore I feel I already failed but most of all I'm ashamed of my parents who still believe in me
Please someone knows how the fuck can I leave this pit and hopefully finish some half assed shit before the deadline so I can scrape my fucking diploma and not make my parents waste another fucking semester, I also has class in 4 hours kek
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