Secrets thread!
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Secrets thread!
i wanna fuck my gf's 17 year old sister so god damn bad.
I just got fucked by a guy I met online yesterday and my girlfriend has no idea
>>683160566
kek
I want to fuck my gf best friends
I was responsible for the large "bloop" of 1997. Scientists still don't know what causd it. Am I bad person?
>be me
>love taking cocks in all holes
>???
>faggots
I'm a virgin partially because I am fat and partially because I have a really weird hymen. it looks like a tumor. the opening is tiny, like the size of the tip of a pencil
listen OP, i used to love the movie gremlins. its still ok but not the best movie I've ever seen. anyway. i met this girl who also loves the movie gremlins. she said that it reminds her of her childhood. and for some reason the mogwai really turn her on. i ask how thats possible. the mogwai have absolutely no sexual features. no rounded ass, no raised breasts, no genetalia of any type. could it possibly be the fact that they transform into those slimy green gremlins? what is it? she refused tell me. i spent many nights afterwards watching gremlins and hoping maybe to get turned on a little bit. one night i got half a chub but I've since realized that was most likely just the air conditioner. eventually i couldnt take the mystery anymore. i MUST know what turns her on about the movie gremlins, if for no other reason than i want to be able to fuck a mogwai in the comfort of my own home. why should she be able to get so turned on by gremlins but I'm not even allowed to experience it? i corner her. she backs up. scared. my slow approach has her shaking and asking, "logan, whats gotten into u?" i tell her this is the end of the line. she must tell me why gremlins makes her pussy drip. here and now is the time or she will die by my average sized cock. I can tell that she's finally about to tell me, she's finally about to break. she takes a deep breath and dramatic music begins to play from the lunch room loud speakers across from mrs. shabotski's 5th grade class ( this was the song: http://youtu.be/dPiEVyd3-4k [Open] ) above the dulcid tones she tells me the thing i swore never to repeat. but i will tell it to you hear bros. i will tell it to you from my death bed. i will tell you the sexiest thing I've ever heard. that girl lets the real life gizmo live in her pussy. listen OP, i used to love the movie gremlins. its still ok but not the best movie I've ever seen. anyway. i met this girl who also loves the movie gremlins. she said that it reminds gets wild after midnight
>>683160566
Did the same thing 2 weeks ago. No one knows. Well, the dude who pounded my ass knows.
I get paid to stick my dick in glory holes for online porn....and it's not always grills that suck.
>>683160949
how many holes do you have
I used to touch my sister when she sleeps
i wanna kill myself
>>683160991
We need photographic assistance on this one
I secretly love to fantasize about doing bad things to people also...
>>683161330
no we don't
I'm killing myself on May 21st
>>683161407
Faggot
>>683161445
Why wait. As Nike say......just do it.
I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.
I don't have emotions like normal people.
>>683161167
How often do you do this? I usually can go about 6 months before I need a cock. Rest of the time I'm straight as an arrow lol
>>683161445
YAAAAY!
I just want to get my chick pregnant and then die preferably in glorious combat
I once administered a lethal dose of BBQ sauce into my scrotum.
It wasn't as bad as you might think.
>>683160036
I used to work in a motel and when a hot girl would check in with her husband/bf I'd go into the room next door and jerk off while I listened to them fuck like live porn. Always thought about installing a pinhole camera, but figured I'd gone far enough over the line.
>>683161850
>lethal dose
>It wasn't as bad as you might think.
Make your fucking mind up
>>683161445
Constantine? Elena?
>>683161330
Stop
>>683161239
I used to spy on my older brother/sister when I was 6-8ish. I was young enough to get away with it though, so kek.
>>683161615
I have finals and I don't want my friends and family to think I was a giant pussy and killed myself because of my finals
I would have a habit of grabbing/feeling girl's asses in my classes in high school. I would make it look like an accident when I move past them. Not sure if any noticed or cared
I stole over 200 pairs of panties while I was in College. Most of them were still dirty.
>>683161768
About 6 months here too. No one in my family or circle of friends would imagine that I can become a total cockslut behind closed doors. But afterwards I go back to the "straight life" and don't even think twice about it.
The guy two weeks ago was a total musclebro and got really conflicted after he'd cum because he said I sucked cock 1000% better than his girlfriend. He let me fuck him too.
>>683162191
So you're just attention seeking then, not even serious. Fucking faggot
>>683161735
Because you are a /b/-2 Edgelord Model 420 rite
Anytime i see a woman i imagine her naked and sucking me off.
>>683162191
Top kek
I pretended to need diapers until I was 11 because I liked them, sorta still do.
>>683161811
I checked yours now check mine.
>>683162081
You have misunderstood.
The scrotum is able to deal with such high doses.
If this was injected anywhere else I would have died.
The trick is to find the right place, for example, it is impossible to OD on heroin if you inject it into your ear lobe.
I fucked my mom when I was 6 years old and got her pregnant. My sister is really my daughter.
She has a kid now so I'm an uncle grandpa at 32 years old.
>>683160566
Dubs of truth
I committed the Whitechapel murders back in '88.
>>683162320
my fiance insisted on no kids, demanded it, raved about it
our wedding night, I took off the condom, looked her right in the eyes and shot a load right in her pussy
she cried while I told her I would kill her if she got an abortion
a year and a half later, we're divorced and I am about to get full custody of our kid
ha ha dumb bitch
>>683161735
NO WAY! Tell me more about how different you are
I think about a character from a TV show every single day for at least an hour. I think about scenarios involving him, I think of original stories with him in it, I think about other stories with him in it...All about him. For no reason. I'm pretty sure I have autism or some shit
I am a loner that get off my sexual fustration by drawing furry lewds. I really want a girlfriend that will peg me with a 10" dragon dildo so bad...
I made a huge mistake marrying my wife. It's been 8 years now and I'm only dragging it out because I don't want a divorce to effect my son. It has its moments, but we're just not right for each other. I'm in love with someone else and have been for years.
>>683162710
>>683161232
Really? I must admit the idea of a glory hole turns me on quite a bit... Must be the anonymity of the whole thing
>>683161735
Do you mean:
"Unlike normal people, I do not have emotions."
(Wrong and impossibly for even you to believe unless you're full retard.)
Or:
"I do note emote in the same ways as normal people."
(Meaninglessly vague to the point where there was no reason for you to make the post.)
reroll for dubs
>>683162839
Write that shit. 50 shades of Grey was a spin-off of Twilight and made millions. Be rich, bitch!
>>683162331
Me too, when I'm with a guy I just become a total submissive slut but back to normal the next day. Its weird how it works lol
>>683161445
Don't
>>683163133
Cory, you a busta.
We my dick the hulk and when he gets mad he grows.
>>683163133
checked
>>683160566
>>683162166
>>683162266
>>683162766
All checked, the 66 is strong with this thread
>>683161735
Can I borrow your Linkin Park CD?
I was kinda a double standard when I was going out with my ex, I would get extremely jealous when she would talk to other guys. But I would talk to a girl that I knew liked me.
>>683162814
Haha got er good
I'm getting pretty fucking close to deciding to kill myself. I've spoken about it to lots of people and their hopeful support re: recovery is just making me more convinced I should do it.
I spent years and years recovering from getting molested and raped by my first boyfriend and three months ago my fiance tied me up and raped me. I don't want to go through recovery again. I want to end my existence.
There are a couple I have that I really am proud of. I'll make a short list for you anons.
1: When I was 19 I paid a crackhead who used to buy weed from me $300 to take his 10yr old daughter's virginity while he went out on a binge.
2: When I was 26 I roofied, fucked raw, and knocked up my 19yr old cousin. She still swears the little fucker is her xbf's kid, and makes HIM pay child support!
3: When I was 18, I worked as an overnight janitor at a long term hospice, and talked a woman who had stage 4 non hodgkin's lymphoma into giving me a blowjob 6weeks before she died.
There are others, but these 3 are probably some of the worst/greatest things I've ever done.
>>683163133
Checked
>>683162485
I do the same damn thing, and half the time I don't even want to
>>683163290
kek'd
Apathy.
I couldn't give a shit about anything.
I have no emotional attachment to family members.
I don't enjoy sex.
My life is so fucking dull, but I couldn't give a shit.
I don't care that I don't care.
I want to kill God
>>683163407
You sure know how to pick men haha!
>>683160036
my cock is bigger then any one in asia
>>683163525
Ruined by the emofag hair.
>>683160036
My nephew fucked me is the ass
I shot a seal in the face with a 44 mag 20kms off the east australian coast while charter fishing. Motherfucker was stealing all the fish we were reeling in for like an hour. Waited around the body hoping for a shark to come eat it but no luck
>>683163616
>>683160036
I'm obsessed with a kpop girl
>>683163642
Those are tasty. I miss them.
>>683161768
>>683162331
You never go back to the "straight life" you have willing sucked, and been fucked by a guy, you are a faggot from that moment until the day you die.
There are no bisexual males. Just remember, A man can lay pipe all of his life, it doesn't make him a plumber, suck a dick just once, and you are gay for life.
I'm a nigger.
>>683163711
Seals be stealing your fish like niggers be stealing a bike
When I lost my V-card I couldn't finish, we went for about 2 hours. I masturbated frequently before that, and heard that guys l don't last long their first time. Is there something wrong with me? Or is it that the fact that I masturbated too much
>>683163911
Czech-ed
>>683163911
Are you proud of that post
>>683163823
Oh boy, the oppressive despot is here.
I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll
>>683163420
moar about 1.
>>683163636
That's part of why I want to die
First BF is outgoing and confident, raped me by force
Fiance is literally autistic, raped me because I was too miserable and hopeless to fight him and he was too asstard to recognize I wasn't consenting to his sudden rape play
I deserved what happened to me and I don't want to do it to myself again
>>683163823
sure thing kid. Glad you have it all figured out. I just like fucking, and now I've got a much broader playing field than you do.
I felt up a good friend of mine when we were hammered and she passed out. Still kinda surprised that I don't feel super bad about it. Also I really regret marrying my wife. I love her, but I really want more.
>>683162331
Wanna suck me off lets be stright together.
I fucked ur mom last night
>>683163671
I fucked my uncle in the ass
My family was weird as fuck (long story, doubt anyone cares so I won't bother) so I always have to lie to my friends about them. Pretty annoying to deal with all of the lies, but its better than being labeled a freak I suppose.
>>683164156
No because I don't want to hear you whining and questioning your sexuality when I make you cum harder than you ever have in your life.
I want to pound Arya in every hole
>>683163997
you jerk off too much. I was in the same boat. Jerked off way too often, lasted over an hour my first time and eventually just quit because my abs hurt lol. Just lay off the porn and you'll be fine. Crazy what a little porn break can do.
I deleted all of my porn. I deleted a collection of pictures and videos that I built over the course of months. Holy grails that I scoured the web for, and at one time considered priceless; videos that I never even watched, but rather downloaded as part of a mass porn gathering streak. I deleted files that /r/ delivered, and countless nudes found right here on /b/. I deleted pictures that camwhores uploaded, doing things that I told them to do.
Folders that I took the time to organize were indiscriminately sent to the recycle bin. Untold days worth of searching, downloading and organizing were undone in a matter of minutes, and on the spur of the moment.
It's not something that I contemplated, it was not premeditated or debated in my head. I didn't do it out of fear of discovery, or out of some spark of morality. I'm not actually sure of exactly why I did it. But I must say, after it was all done, I had a brief moment of satisfaction. I'm not going to stop looking at porn; certainly I am not going to stop gratifying myself. But there was something curiously pleasing in destroying my porn collection. I think it's because with all the chaos and uncertainty in my life, this is one thing I had control over. I took control of it, I destroyed my porn collection and I have no regrets.
>>683164210
>South Park song que:
>>683164125
You fucking feminist cunt, I just hope you die before spawning your offspring! Everything is rape to you, right? I hope Satan really rapes you. When you land in hell, just land on Satan's dick!
>>683160856
Story?
>>683163897
Kys
Married a man and convinced him that I didn’t want kids.
On our wedding night he looked me t right in the eyes after taking off the condom and shit his load into me.
I turned on the tears as he tried to tell me he would kill me if I got an abortion.
At my bachelorette party I had sex with one of the black male strippers and paid him $1000 to fun inside me.
A year and a half later we’re divorced and my white ex-husband pays me $300 a month in child support and will for the next 17 years.
Stupid mother fucker.
>>683164277
Good call, nobody cared. Thanks for sparing us the details.
>>683161935
I've been jerking off while watching porn at motels for a long time while leaving my curtains half way open. At least once or twice every time I go some girl looks in my window and talks about what I am doing to their boyfriend. Last week this black chick was hysterical after walking by my room and she came back and was tapping on my window while laughing her ass off. I yanked on it for about 30 seconds while she stared at my cock but got nervous the boyfriend was going to walk back as well so I got up and closed the blind. Many times people get the room next to me and I listen to them fuck their brains out. I see the girl go in as I watch through the side of my open curtain so I see what she looks like then listen to her fuck and moan...man I hate myself.
>>683162870
Did you draw that?
>>683164347
wow, are you me? Just did that a few months ago. Same feeling.
>>683164125
I dont even know you but if i did i would rape you, and beat the cunt out of you. Would you like that?
>>683164336
Not so much a secret. Everyone wants to do that
I fucked my ex gf mum.
I wanna screw a nigger
I want to stab the slenderman stabbers
...with my penis
>>683164340
Another thing is that I rarely could get off when she gave me head or jerked me off. Is it the same situation of watching too much porn?
>>683164326
Oh shit im not a virgin ive let other men suck me off i just identify as straight. God your mouth sounds amazing.
>>683164406
Nice edge, what's your secret?
>>683164426
kek. I think it's just voyeurism/exhibitionism. No need to get suicidal over it if you're having fun.
>>683160036
I like to watch gay porn, don't know why.
>>683164384
your bachelorette party was after your wedding?
>>683164541
Yup, that's it. If you're serious, google your brain on porn. Everything you're saying is on there. I went through the same shit. Layed off porn for like 4 months, and i'm good to go with her, and can still look at it moderately now. You just need a break
also, stop gripping your dick so hard when you jerk it
>>683164711
Because you are a faggot maybe?
My wife doesn't know im gay i love her and we been together for a long time.
>>683164711
Because you're a faggot
>>683164428
Yes, I had a bad time with myself knowing all my cousins were out that Halloween partying and getting puss.
I also made this on a shitty tablet last year. Didn't bother to finish because I found out what he'll I was making routine.
I also made Spyro x subway. Look that shit up.
My sister took my mother to a comedy club downtown today for Mother's Day and tomorrow I am buying her a bike. Man I feel like shit. You fucks have anything planned for tomorrow?
>>683164125
Just because you made mistakes doesn't mean you deserve to die. You learned from them didn't you? It's not worth it, man. Don't do it.
>>683163407
Tits or GTFO!
>>683164738
And the half black kid wasn't a give away not to pay child support?
>>683164711
It's cool dude, I watch sissy hypno porn a lot now for no reason.
>>683164612
If you REALLY want to know my secret.... It's not delivery, it's Digiorno...
I literally think women serve no purpose except to suck cock.
My girlfriend slept with her roomie's boyfriend. Roomie has no clue, and is still friends.
I think monamory is dumb and polyamory is only logical, and anybody who takes the thought of 'cucks' seriously is retarded.
I once saved a man's life by letting him suck my dick tho. That was weird.
>>683164895
>>683164943
I don't know, it just seems kinda sweet compared to m/f porn
>>683164637
Agreed, no it definitely is that but I also get coked up as that is the only way I have the balls to sit naked in a room where the window is literally 3 feet from the bed and I can basically see tons of people walk by while I sit there beating off and pretending not to be looking out the side of my eye to the window. I leave the lights almost all the way off but the tv light makes the room easily bright enough to see the bed and me laying naked on it. Anyway I spend way to much time and money getting high doing that when I could just get a damn hooker and be done with sex in like 20 minutes and go on to something else that night. But I like doing this too much unfortunately. I get off on girls catching me beating off while watching porn.
There is a plot to take cash away from people and everyone, especially young people, is letting this happen. Everyone think that cashless is cool and comfortable, but it's part of a plan to control everyone.
>>683165101
More details on that last sentence pls?
I've had sex with three different girls in my parents house. They have no idea.
>>683164336
You and me both
i started cheating heavily in school to a point where i never had to study for courses. I only did this in my last years because if i failed one more course i was gonna get kicked out of university so i was desperate and i feel like shit for doing it...
>>683165305
You had sex with three girls and none of them have any idea it happened? Lol
>>683165258
This isnt a secret
>>683165305
You watch Black/White don't you?
>>683164347
i did it as well... due of religious beliefs.
i now suddenly close [-] every thread which sports indecent pics.
btw still laughing at YLYL & REKT ones.
>>683165453
lol
>>683160036
I'm fairly racist and sexist at times. I don't know why anyone wouldn't be, though.
>>683163420
> talked a woman who had stage 4 non hodgkin's lymphoma into giving me a blowjob 6weeks before she died.
How old was she and what did you say to her?
>>683164502
Yes. I want to get violently raped by a stranger, I feel like it would erase my trauma from this pussy "non consent partner rape" shit. Reality would not be so kind though
>>683164976
No, I don't think I've learned a damn thing except never to trust again
>>683165491
I don't know what that is.
>>683164384
>virginigger detected
>>683160856
Ice shelf let go... So how did you melt the glacier?
>>683165154
I do know, you are a homosexual and that is not ok. You are a defective human and should remove yourself from existence to benefit the human race
>>683164148
If having a broader playing field means taking it in the ass, then call me captain tunnel vision. Anal sex is like broccoli. If you're forced to have it as a child, you never want it as an adult.
>>683164384
He shit in your pussy? Glad yall got a divorce
>>683161850
>into
Please explain.
>>683165631
Well, I only sleep with my husband so I guess that's ok.
>>683165570
You made yourself a nigger and raped them didn't you?
>>683161445
Duuuude... That's my birthday.. Special livestream as a birthday gift?
>>683164528
>AIDS & lots of STD detected
>>683165553
>I'm fairly racist and sexist at times. I don't know why anyone wouldn't be, though.
Beeecause I'm not a bad person
>>683163616
I want to kill Santa.
>>683163049
In my fucked up world I always imagine going to a glory hole.. Public loo etc...
As they stick their cock through... Use a bladed wallpaper scraper and boom... One swift downward motion against the stall wall..
Take the manhood off in one go.
Only thing that's stopped me? Got put in the drunk tank once... And prints / dna etc all taken.... Can't be anon.
>>683165806
Fuuuuuckkkknyouuuu!!!!
>>683165556
Not sure if sarcastic. I promise you would never forget me
Cheated on my husband with 10/10 looking guy.
>>683165806
Monster
>>683165773
If by "nigger" you mean a middle class white guy who occasionally likes hip-hop and "rape" meaning passionate, heat of the moment ball-slapping intercourse, then yea.
>>683165556
You can trust people, there are people out there. I have no idea what you must be going through, just the tiny specks of what knowledge of this life has given me. It's worth it. I know this will mean nothing to you in the future and you may never know me. But please continue, if not, then I hope you find happiness in another life, anon.
I dressed up as max headroom in the 80s and hacked into a live tv broadcast. 100% no joke
I used to touch my best friends penis when he was sleeping. I sucked it once. I'm straight tho
>>683164378
Come on Anon I was thirteen when the first guy, who was years older than me, would pin me down and forcibly touch me and narrate how my body is was responding even though I was saying "no". When he took my virginity he did it by showing up at my house at 2AM and saying "let me fuck you or I'll do it anyway, then tell your parents you invited me here to fuck you"
Fiance verbalized "I know you don't want this but I need it" before tying me up, lubing me, fucking me, forcing me to suck him, and putting his cock in my ass even though I don't do anal
>>683165556
So do you like a guy into role play maybe a little dom and rough sex or you look for an outright rapist?
>>683165765
Male detected, female illusion wasn't very effective
I'm a 10/10 guy and fucked a 4/10 married lady.
I consider myself a straight male and I have a girlfriend but before we got back together I got with a tranny and sucked dick, now I'm a bit confused because I want her but I also want to suck dick. preferably my own. I wish I had a twin so I could basically suck myself off.. wtf is with me. what do?
pic related its me
>>683165464
To most people it is. Most people don't realize this. If you do, then you're one of the few.
But the question is: Are you going to do anything to stop this? Are you going to raise awareness?
>>683166163
I want an outright rape be a complete stranger that takes me totally by surprise
Not arranged in any way
>>683166165
Ok anon, I guess you're right
>>683161445
dont even if you hate yourself and everyone hates you theres still so much you would miss in life.
only one life to live
>>683160036
found this out by one of the guys (at the time girlfriend), no one knows this (in our group of friends)
>>683166147
Well, now you do anal. I want to rape you in more holes than you have, each thrust of my dick will be another nail in your putrid coffin.
>>683166271
Ideal place like in public or more in private setting? Would he ideally be hairy or clean cut?
>>683166311
So in conclusion you are still a faggot and i do believe you should kill yourself
>>683163420
why?
1. bought lots of weed and paid with counterfeit money. eventually moved in another city
2. wasted lots of money for computer stuff I almost never used; 5-6 years later I had to get rid of all that ancient hardware
3. hacked into school speakers system and radioed fart noises for a while. they fixed it but I had another backdoor available, and a few days later I repeated the fart show again. they eventually disabled the speakers system
>>683160453
My older brother's gf wants to fuck me so bad. She just moved in, imma do it. I don't wants to hurt my brother though. Wat do /b/?
>She's kinda a hoe
>>683166443
Actually tbqh I had been experimenting a little with doing anal because he'd been begging for it for so long. And that's how he rewarded me. God, he wasn't even hard and he didn't cum. It was pure punishment because I'd made him angry
>>683166541
Nah, I'm good anon, have good faggot life.
>>683165665
Okay. No one's asking you to do it.
>>683162766
Whatever Jack
>>683165553
>How old was she and what did you say to her?
She was 27. I didn't have to say much, just showed her some basic compassion. She was dying, she was alone, she had no other family, and her fiance left her after her diagnosis. I spent about a month sneaking her chocolate, and once in a while, a milk shake from the BK down the road. When they gave her a timetable for check out, she told me the last thing she wanted was to feel sexy one last time. I made the offer and she accepted. That's all it took.
>>683166639
Do it, but be prepared for the consequences.
>>683160453
Bro same.
I love my girlfriend to bits and pieces, and I would never cheat on her, though.
>>683166538
I don't care, I don't care. I just want a do-over, q chance to try to fight back and get punched in the face instead of taking it like a little bitch and crying
>>683165556
No one cares. Now show your fucking tits attention whore!
I used to go over to this girl's house all the time because her parents were friends. She was 11, I was 16. I molested her and two of her friends. Its been over a decade and I never got in trouble for it.
>>683166844
If no one cares why do you want to see my tits?
Anyway you don't, they're all saggy from breastfeeding.
>>683160036
i fap and occasionally maintain a fap folder
eh and i have a girlfriend
I breastfed until I was eight, have a mommy fetish now.
>>683166666
Spent big bucks for gifts to a girl who never liked me.
She tried to had sex with me but I turned her down.
Dumped her soon before she tried to tell me she was in love.
>>683165665
But broccoli will always be good for you. :)
>>683166669
I want to make you so angry, your eyes would cry tears of pure feminine juices. I want to gather your salty tears with the tip of my swollen member and lubricate you with them as I enter you. I would stare deeply in your eyes while your deformed irises would try to face away from me. I shall feast upon your anguish and wash the shame inside you with my cum.
>>683166813
same same. would love to fuck the shit out of my fiance's 18 year old sister but i'd probably kill myself if my fiance left me
sometimes I look at pictures of girls with their clothes off. my penis gets hard and I touch it. haven't told anyone.
>>683166797
You mean beat his ass again? I think I'm just gonna let her suck my dick, I don't want to fuck a pussy that my bro cummed in. But I also really want to eat her poon, regardless of cum.. :/
>Blowjob and grabbing is good nuff
>>683166084
kek, heard about this. If not bait, how'd you do it?
>>683166972
There are men out there that would like to suck the milk from your tits. I'm one of them.
>>683166835
Ok thats too crazy for me, but i bet there is a person derranged enough here to hit you and forcebly shove their dick in your ass.
>>683167777
farted in the Conference Room seconds before High Vips people coming in.
>I'm a janitor.
I've sniffed my sisters panties and fapped to her facebook
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5d65ftLfQU
>>683161114
Copypasta faguit
>>683166147
Looks like anal is part of your repertoire now bitch. Now show your fucking tits CUNT!
>>683167288
a cashless society a cashless society a casshhlesss socccieettyyyy
>>683167256
>tfw too crazy for even a btard
See? This is why I need to die
>>683167223
I know. I don't give a shit. I'm probably never going to willingly touch a man or be touched again.
Or be a camwhore again.
>>683166589
Why what? I don't know which one you're asking about.
Everyone thinks I've had a girlfriend for years. She's my lesbian best friend. And I'm a gay male. We live together.
>>683167539
Nah im just more of the lets have dirty kinky sex ill call you a slut and tie you up but buy you flowers the next day sort of guy. Im sure there is a person who fits what your looking for out there some where probably a homeless man high on bath salts, but dont lose hope.
>>683160036
My GF is going to study abroad soon.
We both agreed to do the long distance relationship thingy. But I'll dump her right before she leaves. Because she is a slut and no way she will be loyal. Already been meeting up with other girls in secret to have handy after the breakup.
I did sexual favors for candy/toys/money when I was younger. Didn't know it was bad because my parents never really told me. Got in trouble in relation to it, but nothing big.
>>683167153
Yeah some head some goods.
I'm addicted to porn and now whenever I get an erection my nuts hurt. I fear I have cancer yet I don't want to say anything.
>>683160036
When I was a child I would sneak into my mothers pantry every night and steal a can of beans, I did this everyday until I was 18. Whenever she asked I'd tell her that I loved beans. So she'd keep buying them for me. When I moved out for college we were cleaning my room and my mother asked me if I wanted to take my bed with me, and that's when I remembered the beans. I had been storing the beans under my matress in ziplock bags to create more cushoning for when I sleep. I had about 360 big bags of beans filled. I quickly said NO. So my mom told me that she was going to have to move it out anyways and asked if I could help her. I told her to go get the tools and I'd definitely help her.
After she left the room i started going to town eating the beans. The mold and stench in each bag was enough to make me want to vomit. And I did, frequently.
My mother came back and I just threw the bean bags in the garbage before she got back.
She walked in and instantly remarked on the smell before I vommited all over the floor infront of her. I told her I didn't feel well and she rushed me to emerg and I had to get my stomach pumped.
I stole an iPhone 4s from Apple when they fired me. Why is this a big deal? It's a production device with an unlocked bootrom and a static iboot. I can upgrade, downgrade, and jailbreak it as I please without having to worry about signing windows or signature checks. I can do these things untethered as well. I can set boot arguments in the SecureROM itself to change the colors of the bootlogo when it's loaded from the LLB image (see picture).
>>683166084
The year was 1987
You, together with Captain Crunch,
made me into what I am today
If it's really you, you deserve a statue !
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj1mUk04_ho
>>683166972
Show them already. No one cares you were "raped" no one cares you want to die (since we all know it's a cry for attention because you can't find a justifiable reason to go on living on your own) but you are making these claims, seeking the "approval" of men on an anonymous image board, saying you are a woman. We demand tits, to validate that claim, and THEN we MIGHT have an iota of "sympathy" for your situation.
>>683165300
So I used to play mtg back in high school. This would have been 4-5 years ago now, shortly after I turned 18.
Become FB friends with a judge there. Older guy, nonwhite, a little portly - I'm a fat fuck myself so whatever lol. One day he posted a fb status to the effect of shit my life sucks or something similarly emo. Basically a woe is me, or something.
Me being a nice guy (fedora and all) at the time, I IM him and ask him what's wrong. Turns out he's having relationship issues with his boyfriend, and his self esteem is in the shitter. Bf has some sort of skeleton disorder so he doesn't like sex and is in a wheelchair half the time. Dude finds out I'm non-straight (he used bi but i don't like that word, so I just call myself queer. /shrug), so he offers to blow me.
I'm like lol why not, okay, and then I just stay late one Friday night magic session to help the judges clean up and all. Other judges leave, and dude blows me, right in the open of the empty store (1 am cuz fnm goes on forever). It was okay for something that requires no work on my part.
Turns out he was suicidal and was going to off himself if the next person he asked said no. I p much stopped going after that, my own suicidally depressed ass has enough emotional issues. I basically never saw him again, barring occasional visits to the local magic shop (until another one opened even closer to home) but it helped that I also graduated high school and live on campus 9 months of the year.
I can't understand how people have sex if they are not in love.
>>683168335
Woman detected.
>>683164966
nice. You are a good artist.
>>683168335
You're demisexual
>>683168280
Thanks anon, you actually did a good deed in true /b/tard style.
>>683167539
>See? This is why I need to die
Come to Florida and I'll give you a going away gift.
>>683168172
I really don't give a fuck and I'm entirely serious about killing myself. 22, Maine. It will be before the 14th of this mont if I do it. Keep an ear out. Maybe it will make it on the news.
>>683163420
#1 - hell yeah.
My older sister dressed me up as a girl for several years and I sorta liked it. No wonder why I'm stuck in this shithole now.
>>683168111
Can also set iBoot arguments. In this case it's "-v" for verbose mode to display the running processes.
>>683161445
Is it because it's biggie small a birthday?
>>683168079
Oh my god lmao
>>683168111
This is why they fired you, they dont actually hire geniuses to work for apple genius
i can fap with both hands
>>683161768
so you are kinda bi, but sometimes you just need a coock ? i feel the same way but never dared because of my gf.. feels like cheating
>>683161445
That's my dad's birthday. His present can be one less faggot in this world. Thank you anon
>>683160036
I have a birthmark directly on the shaft of my penis, trips gets pics
>>683166223
Pretty much every great looking guy I've ever known has done that multiple times.
>>683168511
Oh thank you for telling me.
>>683168607
Unless you go out in a blaze of fucking glory, I doubt it. It'll probably just be written off as another fat feminist who offed herself, because her ideology prevented her from getting some dick. Fuck off, and your no tits showing, sob story selling ass elsewhere.
Just four days ago i stole a bike so i could get home faster. Dumped the bike behind the exchange student housing. I regret nothing.
>>683169144
Rolling
>>683169035
>what's a production device
>he must be stupid
The bootrom of the 4s remains publicly unbroken to this day. I did a bretty gud job.
I had sex with my 12 year old daughter
>>683161644
Cool
>>683168482
Thanks. Hopefully I get my PC back up and running so I can get back to doing digital work. Traditional shit ain't bad either.
Right now I want to do graffiti letters besides the furry stuff. I will be working on a bunch of vinyl posters so no "vandalism" here people.
I've cheated on my girlfriend on several different occasions with men and underage girls. All unprotected. Also I drug and castrate animals for fun.
>>683168637
The best part about #1 on that list is, I'm pretty sure her dad started turning her out to his crack dealer after that. I saw her a few years ago, she didn't recognize me, but damn! She looked rode hard, and hung up WET!
>>683169241
I'm not fat and I'm not a feminist. How should I kill myself, Anon? Maybe take the blade cover off the circle saw and lower my neck onto it, would that make the news?
>>683161644
Hmm, i might try this, thanks anon.
I was once at my Gram's house and didn't have anything to grind against to get myself horny, so I used a bible
>>683167527
kek don't know why I'm laughing at this
>>683169108
Not that dude, but I just see it as two dudes who want to help each other out without having to put up with bullshit from the wife/gf. For example, my wife hates giving bjs, but I've hooked up with some smooth-bodied twinks who suck the hell out of my dick (and optionally ride it), and never ask for anything in return. No relationship, phone calls, etc. Just cum and go.
I fucked my GF mom 3 different times. She was really cute and we got along great. She had a nice mom body and she wore braces which made her hot as fuck. I wanted to have a relationship with her but we couldn't figure it out. I was 17 and she was 43.
>>683169416
>>683169543
Don't do it you muppet. Don't be selfish.
>>683168111
nice trips, but apparently the 6S is already out, thus your 4 is useless to create some new jailbreaking method
>>683169674
You were raped.
>>683169601
same, but I used Gram
>>683161313
Dont
>>683169704
MODS
>>683169543
Make it look like an accident!
>19
>Kissless virgin
>no college (yet)
>barely any friends
>enjoy being alone...sometimes
I've had one burrito a day for 7 months now
i am so so very deep in closet that sometimes i feel like people around me know all bout my "closet-ness", just dont say anything on my face.
i mean when im so deep, how can i hide?
>>683169543
>I'm not fat and I'm not a feminist.
These statements, much like you claiming to be a woman in general, are things we can not verify without pics, so again they hold no water here.
As for offing yourself, get yourself a gun, start firing randomly in public, when the cops show up, take a few shots at them, and wait for them to return fire. THAT might be news worthy. But again, nobody cares.
>>683165453
top kek
>>683165413
You and every other ivy league asshole.
>>683169848
okay
Any recommendations?
>>683169732
I probably shouldn't because my qt ducklings need me. I upgraded them from the usual chick waterer to a big bowl today and they were so happy.
I never had a gf or any type of friend, but pretend to be an interesting extrovert in public with women.
I actually found a date last year and boy that glamour didn't last long. A week didn't even pass and she stopped replying back. I still want a girlfriend that will peg me with a 10" dragon dildo though.
>>683169543
Find a sad and foreveralone btard offer to be his gf, treat him like a king. Die a slow and painful death 50 years later.
>>683169892
Same, except I'm actually straight. I've just never had the courage to talk to a girl in the 23 years that I've been alive. It doesn't help that I'm a very emotional guy too. One of my friends straight up asked me if I was gay. I suspect my other friends might think I am as well.
>>683170115
Hey if that keeps some meaning in your life then so be it.
>>683169667
so you would not call it cheating? Because i really want a coock, but cant tell anyone about it..
>>683168607
In NH I'll give you what you want
>>683165500
What the fuck? How could a dubs getter be so fucking lame?
>>683163407
Don't
>>683170115
Okay so people die everyday right?
Jump into shallow water head first
cross the street at the wrong time
Join the army and go overseas
ride a dolphin naked
fuck your ass with a paintbrush
>>683169892
That's nothing. I can't get a gf and my uncles are open with their thoughts that they think I am gay. Like how hard is it to get a GF? Now they say it so much family members are starting to think the same and it is pissing me off.
>>683169667
btw any place i can add you to talk ? got some questions lol.
>>683163420
2 of those were extremely illegal
pick up ladyboy prostitute in Thailand for the night
she was pretty cool so basically we hang out all night at a hotel drinking talking and fucking
she never fucked me but gave her a blowjob and was jerking her constantly when fucked her
was 18 met this girl told me she was 16 fucked her for a year or so found out she was only 12 when her mom yelled at her telling her this is not how a 14yo is suppose to act on her birthday because we were all drinking.
>>683169909
If you don't care why can't you stop responding, begging for pics of me? Teehee :^)
My state has a pretty small population. "Mom offs herself" will absolutely make the local news if I have a suicide note. Even dumb bitches accidentally ODing makes the headlines here
But I'm not gonna leave a note because I'm not going to kill myself for the attention. I'm going to do it because I literally can't see any way forward from here. I'm just talking about it again because talking about it helps it become more concrete. Every time people tell me not to do it I feel closer to the edge.
>>683169543
idk WHY you think more at "the news" than at your death.
if you wanna get "in the news", then:
- have a friend filming and uploading it to a dozen different youtube sites/accounts/networks
- take a shit on some fundamental US symbol (example: Ozzy Osbourne took a piss on Fort Alamo)
- be ready to read the news
>>683169437
Hey, i remember you!
>>683170593
"her"
it's him you retard
I have a degenerate criminal mindset/fantasy and I'm unable to change it. I think about violence multiple hours a day. So much it completely distracts me from work. I can't stop thinking about it, while I really want it. It worsens when I'm stressed, but not too much difference. It's completely involuntarily. When I get on a bus or wait for a train, images of me pushing people under the train or stab people on the bus rush through my head. When I was a child, it happened so much that I suddenly snapped completely into reality holding a imaginary gun to people. I studied criminology to know what I have, because I can't get into therapy because there is a rule in my country that if they think you are dangerous to your enviroment, they can take away your freedom.
>>683170195
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyv84NeZXKI
There you go anon.
>>683169892
brony, i'm into MLP as well
Had a married woman as a fuck buddy, , we kinda feel in love, , then I got really close to this other girl, , dumped the married woman I loved, to pursue her without feeling too too bad, , she was super flirty, I came over to her place after work one night, tired, and fell the fuck asleep. Was friendzoned
Am I /b/ enough
