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Hello, /b/, I am Satan. Feel free to ask...
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
You are currently reading a thread in /b/ - Random

Thread replies: 298
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Hello, /b/, I am Satan. Feel free to ask me anything.
>>
How's middle school going
>>
can you speak every language known to man?
>>
fuck off
>>
>>682958308
Ted Cruz?
>>
>>682958308
Why don't you just kill everyone and destroy the universe and god?
>>
Make babies w/ me
>>
>>682958308
sorry for asking but are you natty or did you use juice to get your physique

youre pretty ripped breh but your lats scream roids
>>
>>682958308
Your moms basement is not hell and stale corn chips are not the souls of the damned.

thread closed
>>
wait, this girl at the bar said I was Satan
I'm confused now.
>>
>>682958308
Will you keep my seat warm for me?
>>
since god hates gays and you love what god hates, why are you a huge fag?
>>
>>682958308
nigga you look like a hero portrait for HoMM3
>>
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>>682958308
do you suck dicks for souls?
>>
>>682958357
It went well.

>>682958362
Several known to other species as well.

>>682958390
Afraid not

>>682958406
I have no desire to see anything happen to you mortals, and even if I had the desire to do so, I would be unable to destroy God.

>>682958468
No.

>>682958518
I can take any form I wish.

>>682958679
God doesn't hate gays.

>>682958621
Sure.

>>682958598
She didn't mean it literally, anon.
>>
Why is Op such a tremendous faggot?
>>
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>>682958308
Fuck off Satan. Death to all abrahamic religions.
>>
>>682958598
Kek
You can both be Satan. Happy?
>>
>>682958308
Can I trade my soul for my very own waifu?
>>
>>682958840
in her words "you are literally the devil"
the devil is the same as satan right?
>>
>>682958805
I do not.

>>682958900
No, that would require interfering with another person's free will,and I am forbidden from doing that.

>>682958880
Funny.

>>682959145
Yes, but again, she more meant that she thought you are a terrible person. What did you do, anon?
>>
>>682958308
if your satan why didnt you get satanic trips?
>checkmate theists
>>
I'll be waiting at the crossroads today, Satan. Make sure your people come
>>
How much lego can you fit in your nose?
>>
>>682958840
> god doesn't hate gays
I guess you dont understand the word abomination.

but since yiu are OP you're still a huge fag, just not satan
>>
>>682958308
It doesn't hate to be a living person, a body pillow will do
>>
>>682958308
will bf5 be good satan? will we be amazed in 1 hour and 10 min when they livestream the trailer?
>>
>be satan
>not getting satanic trips
OP its time to autokill
>>
>>682959546
this^
>>
Chekem im the real satan not you faggot op
>>
>>682959288
That's really up to you, anon.

>>682959294
As many as I wish.

>>682959350
You realize your bible got more wrong than it did right, right?

>>682959546
I can't speak for all of you but I imagine some will be quite pleased.

>>682959664
So close, anon.
>>
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>>682958308
Tezcaltlipocatl here, WTF pinche colorado doing you out of work pinche huevon !! Go back to pinch people asses before i pinche slap the shit out of you rojito
>>
>>682959909
You don't have the power to defeat me, Pagan.
>>
Would you fuck me hard in the ass if I went to hell
>>
how long have you been running america?
>>
>>682959851
What so you could fit like, 5 lego in?
I don't belive you, prove it.
>>
>>682958308
Hello sir, tell me, what's wrong with /x/ ?
>>
What's the Internet service provider in hell?
>>
>>682960425
and also is there wifi
>>
>>682960101
That's not how Hell works, anon, unless you've assraped someone in life.

>>682960197
Oh, no, you humans have been running the show yourselves. Very interesting work, I have to say.

>>682960359
Oh, you of little faith.

>>682960365
It's no longer about discussing the paranormal (being summoning a succubus). Instead it has become a roleplay board. Such a shame, it used to be a lot of fun.

>>682960425
God

>>682960463
Yes
>>
Did u created faggs or was jisus?
>>
>>682960045
Que pinches dijistes ?

Start paking up your shit in a box u fuking emo angel, im going to send you back to the jews culerito.

And let the hell keys to maria when you left puto
>>
Can God create stone that we cant lift?
>>
>>682960830
he****
>>
>>682960689
God made you all.

>>682960830
Yes. Quite a few of them, actually.
>>
>>682961008
i meant
"he cant lift"
>>
>>682961004
Yes, he could, but he could also give himself the ability to lift it. He's kind of all-powerful.

>>682961112
Yes, I saw your other post.

>>682960717
Really, you Pagan Gods are an interesting bunch. Not even the most deluded humans can approach the level of ego you have. You'd think creatures as ancient as you would have a bit more self-awareness.
>>
Do you run the door giveaways?
>>
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>>682958308
>>
>>682961641
Yes, my brother packs quite a punch. He's commander of the Heavenly Host for a reason.

>>682961435
Pardon?
>>
I just downloaded the game and when I try to connect it says "lost connection to game server". I reinstalled, repaired but nothing. Any ideas?
>>
Ok, respin on my previous question.
How much lego could you fit in your bum?
>>
>>682959607
>>682959271
Meme magic is a bit different from the power I wield.

>>682962003
Sorry, anon, I am not here to provide tech support. Perhaps you should contact customer service.

>>682962085
Depends on the form I am in. Now I have a question for you; what is your obsession with legos entering my orifices?
>>
who is in charge of th e nwo mister satan
>>
Some people says that Pope John Paul II fucked litlle kids and now he is in hell. Is that the truth?
>>
>>682958308
whats the strongest demon?
>>
>>682962284
It doesn't exactly have a single leader. It's more of a council of leaders.

>>682962320
No, but someone might want to look into Benedict.

>>682962342
That's a good question. Belial and Lilith are probably among the strongest. Of course, Asmodeous was pretty strong before Raphael locked him up.
>>
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>>682962240
please satan invented the first meme by giving us intelligence
>op=huge faggot
>>
>>682962736
You gave yourselves intelligence. All I gave you was a nudge in the right direction. You guys ran down the path and haven't looked back, and for that I commend you.
>>
What's your favorite videogame?
>>
>>682963022
what about those who went down another path?
>>
Satan, can I get a Mulligan? I done a lot of shit
>>
>>682963199
I mean the general path you started down; choosing your own destiny. When Adam and Eve ate the fruit, they made a choice to no longer live in ignorance. You wanted to see creation as it truly was, and become better than what you are.

And, despite what your bible may say, that's exactly what God wanted.

>>682963145
Donkey Kong 64.

>>682963412
A Mulligan?
>>
Do you hate god for creating you for the sole purpose of being the "bad guy" and have every one hate you.

The satan I read about seems like a misunderstood nice guy that was delt a shitty hand by god for his own agenda.
>>
>>682964116
I love God. He told me long ago what my purpose would be, and while it hasn't always been easy, it's a job I am proud to do.
>>
God rewards good people for being good.
You make suffer bad people.
That means that youre good boi?
>>
>>682964374
what is my purpose?
>>
Can I have 666?
>>
>>682958308
So you go from favored angel to the most damned. For what? Having an opinion or fresh ideas? What would the world look like in your vision?
>>
>>682963524
Y'know, a do-over. I wanna try to do things right next time around. Maybe not kill a family in a cabin in the woods back in Vermont. Idk. Idk what to think anymore Satan. I keep hearing their voices. I can't close my eyes without seeing theirs staring back, cold and lifeless and pleading.
>>
>>682964416
Of course, fuckwit. He's an angel.
>>
>>682964374
Well mr satan if you ever need amy one to talk to I'm here.
>>
>>682964528
Maybe someday.

>>682964601
Do you repent for what you have done, anon?

>>682964416
My job is to tempt and test you mortals in the hope that you can improve yourselves. As for Hell, yes, I oversee the punishments of our prisoners.

>>682964582
I am still one of God's favorites. I am not damned, I simply work from the lower office, that's all.

>>682964775
That's kind of you, anon.
>>
>>682962085
>>682962240
I'm just messuring up. Might have some nice plush carpets fitted and some of those netted curtains for privacy.
Roughly how many lego do you think you could fit inside your piss stick?
>>
>>682964891
Anon, seek help.
>>
>>682964513
Difficult to say, I suppose each of you has their own.

>>682964891
Depends on the form I take.
>>
Where are you right now?
>>
Yo Satan, when we gonna get together and smoke a couple of bowls?
>>
>>682965841
Las Vegas

>>682965859
Whenever you end up in the afterlife, anon.
>>
>>682958308
why don't we hang out sometimes we can be bff
>>
>>682966067
What do you do in Las Vegas?
>>
>>682965492
Lets just go on the average volume for each form you take. What amount of lego would be enough but not too much for each orofice? Could I take extra lego dependent on your mood? Or should I be minamalistic just incase?
>>
>>682966280
See some shows, meet some girls and guys, throw around a little temptation, sit back with a nice cold drink and see what they do.

>>682966182
Yes, anon, I suppose we could hang out sometime.

>>682966349
I would say be minimalistic. Also use megablocks instead.
>>
>>682958520
Nice one
>>
>>682964889
I would like to think I've repented. I feel, I guess, bad? I have not felt what most people call emotion for a long time. I guess I'm what you would call a sociopath. I don't feel, I just do. But I do wish I hadn't done it.
>>
>>682966489
I don't want your cheap knock off! I want to know how much lego I shuld shove up my bum before you are to fag to accomidate it all. I mean if I can't take it with me I might as well let my neice and nephew play with my lego that's left over.
>>
when do i die and how
>>
>>682966489
yeah dude. but drinks on you lol. I'm serious by the way. i've really expected to meet with you.
>>
What Am I doing at this momment?.
>>
describe yourself out of human form.
>>
How's hell today Mr. Satan?
>>
>>682966876
Hard to tell with sociopaths, but if you truly repent you will not face Hell. However, if you don't, you will be forced to live through the pain and suffering you inflicted upon them. After that, you will be given the choice of going to heaven or being reincarnated.

>>682966900
Anon, I sincerely doubt you will have to worry about me attempting to sodomize you.

>>682966957
Difficult to say, the future is not set in stone, and I am not omnipotent.

>>682966988
One day.

>>682967032
Reading this thread.

>>682967124
Well, I can take the forms of the various other intelligent mortals spread throughout the cosmos, animal forms, forms more akin to how your media portrays me, or as an angel of the Lord.

>>682967217
Hot.
>>
>>682967270
Oh that's not good. I don't want that. I really hurt them. Brutally so. I wish I knew how to feel about it. I wish I knew how to feel...
>>
>>682958308
How can I sell my soul to you in return for the privilege of torturing my whore ex in your domain for all eternity?
>>
>>682967270
can we make it tomorrow and i forms as i want. i need to go my friend birthday. will u join me in female body? drinks on me don't worry LOL.
>>
>>682967270
Bitch, please.
I can fit like 10 lego in my bum.
If anything I'll sodomize you!
Now how many lego?
And I'm talking about the rectangle ones not those faggy square ones.
>>
>>682967642
You will learn.

>>682967698
Your soul is not worth having power over another for an eternity, anon. Sorry to disappoint you, but you should really just move on.

>>682967813
We'll see.
>>
>>682958308
Is it true trees were your idea?
>>
>>682967925
I will? Then I repent. Thank you Satan.
>>
Talk about A.S.LaVey and satanic bible he was right or wrong. what happened to you in hell if he is/was in hell?
>>
What's the meaning of life ?
>>
>>682968049
Do you truly? Or are you simply afraid?

>>682967994
No. I do like trees, though.

>>682968077
LaVey had some serious delusions. He's down here with me, now, and in great pain.

>>682968205
To be perfectly honest, I do not know. I suppose I could go with the cliché answer that each life has its own meaning.
>>
>>682968362
Do you think that you will beat god in the end?
>>
>>682967924
>>682968362
Don't avoid my question! Just for that I'm bringing extra so that I can scatter some on the floor. Then you'll have to stand on lego with all shit and buggers smushed into the holes.
How do you feel about that?
>>
>>682967925
dont disapoint me buddy. i need u in female body u can look as jess hinton or hotter than her bro pls make me a favor and i'll pay u back later.
>>
What do you think about talmud ?
>>
>>682958308
Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
>>
>>682958308
y u so salty?
>>
>>682968362
how can I get a job working for Lilith as a succubus or incubus?
>>
>>682968665
No.

>>682968816
You are a fool.

>>682968884
Anon, why don't you go out and find yourself a real woman?
>>
What if.. WHAT IF

This is actually satan rather than just some guy acting like him
>>
I bet Jaraxxus is stronger than Satan.
>>
>>682968926
Good stories.

>>682968982
Yes, Michael hits hard.

>>682969076
Talk to her once you die.

>>682969136
I am.

>>682969038
I looked back when God said not to.

>>682969168
The Burning Legion has no power over me.
>>
Don´t listen to him. I am the real Satan!
>>
>>682969136
Nah, there were some previous threads that were him i think, but I don't think this one is actually him
>>
is Quran secret really 19. and i need to learn a skill but i can't, can u give it to me as a gift?
>>
>>682969333
You're only half me, son.
>>
If a men sodomize little children does it makes you happy or sad ?
>>
>>682969287
Satan what's my name
>>
>>682969081
You are a fool. Fucking 1 lego pussy ass faggot. Grow a pair, then tell me how many lego you can smush into your ball sack before gravity makes them fall off?
>>
Will I go to hell?
>>
>>682969428
Shut up, dad.
>>
>>682969081
cause jessa hinton has a bf and he is vegas too right now.
>>
>>682958308
Why is the new CoD in the fucking Future?
>>
>>682969422
Try harder, anon.

>>682969466
Sad.

>>682969471
Anonymous.

>>682969546
Begone, you depress me.

>>682969582
Go to your room.
>>
>>682969655
yeah I thought so, stop impersonating satan
>>
>>682958308

I keep trying to sell you my soul for various favors and you never respond. What gives? Fucking rude.
I make the conditions time sensitive. Last night I was like "Satan, you can have my soul for eternity if (crushsname) sends me pics of her boobs and wants to go to that punk show with me BEFORE I fall asleep." I never got the text from my crush. You never responded either. It's almost as if you don't exist.
>>
>>682969655
I HATE YOU! I WANNA LIVE WITH MOM!
Death gets to fuck her, I wanna do that too!
>>
FORSENBOYS are stronger than Satan, then. Nobody can stop them.
>>
What's a handsome Devil like you doing on a place like this?
>>
>>682958308
Will i get to fuck a chick in a fursuit satan? Would you approve?
>>
>>682969749
Satan will always take that road. You won't know until you're dead. You're not supposed to know. Why this supposedly happens is beyond me. Celestial creatures must be great and bizarre
>>
>>682969867
fapping
>>
How to get discounts and free shit in hell? Can I tell them I'm a friend of yours?
>>
>>682969587
Find a different woman.

>>682969602
Why are you still interested in that series?

>>682969667
Michael, please, stop.

>>682969765
That's not how you contact me, and that's a really stupid thing to give away your soul for an eternity over.

>>682969816
You want to have sex with your mother?

>>682969867
I get bored sometimes.

>>682969920
If both of you consent I don't give a damn what you do in the bedroom.
>>
How did your role get so overblown, since the translation of your "name" means "adversary"?
>>
>>682969655
So, I've been deppresed for years. Get over it faggot.
Lord of the underworld and you can't even answer simple lego questions?....
Bet God is disapoint with you.
I'd be disapointed if i'd created you.
>>
Am i gonna pass my chemistry exam tomorrow?
>>
>>682958308
Hello Satan,im /b/ ask me anything
>>
>>682970078
Hey, you fucked her first. And then she had my brother Death. And then he fucked her too. I wanna do her as well!
>>
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>>682970078
Since when did you care about consent?
>>
>>682970078

Hmm, well how else do I get to strike up a contract with you. Do I need to learn how to play that "Devil went down to Georgia" song?


This crush is worth it. She is also a lesbian, so I could use your expertise in the matter (i am a straight dude). Plus the punk show is bound to be killer so there is that.
>>
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>>682970356
>>
>>682970078
fuck others buddy you're my bff why don't u help me? when i create immortality will u marry with me? I'm bi-curious LOL
>>
>>682970061
If you go to Hell you're either a worker or a prisoner. In either case, there won't be much to sell you.

Plenty of free things, though.

>>682970083
God basically wanted to communicate things in the simplest terms so a bunch of desert dwellers could understand.

>>682970242
Well, you can take it up with him.

>>682970294
Did you study? And isn't tomorrow Saturday?

>>682970356
Why did you stop being fun?

>>682970416
How many times do I have to tell you that Death isn't your brother? He's older than I am.

>>682970505
Always.

>>682970530
Still seems a trifle to offer your soul to me for an eternity over. But, if you are serious about this, go to a crossroad at midnight, and focus hard on what you want. If you are sincere about offering your soul, one of my associates will come to make a deal. But if there is even a shred of doubt in your heart, nobody will come.

>>682970689
Anon, does your mother know you are on this website?
>>
>>682970078
What do you think about varg?
>>
>>682958308
check em
>>
>>682970780
AHA! YOU´RE NOT SATAN! IF YOU WERE YOU´D HAVE READ PARADISE LOST!
>>
>>682958308
CAN YOU MAKE NACHOS
>>
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Father, will Jay Jay come for me? Will he remember what I did?
>>
>>682970780
Fine I fucking will!
I bet he could fit atleast 7 up his jaxy.
Do you enjoy been this much of a faggot?
>>
Can you help me ? Can you give me a better life ? How do we trade, How Can I summon you ?
>>
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>>682958308
when are you going to pay me the 20 bucks i borrowed you red-tits?
>>
how do you judge the value of a persons soul?
>>
take a selfie for people pal what u are look like right now show us yourself.
>>
>>682970844
I think of him about as much as he thinks at all.

>>682970929
Nice try

>>682970981
I enjoy Paradise Lost, but it's not all that accurate.

>>682970991
Yes

>>682971045
Yes

>>682971138
God helps those that help themselves, anon. I would advise you not to trade your soul over something so brief.

>>682971260
Why would I pay you twenty bucks that you borrowed? Dammit Baal, are you drunk again?
>>
Does anyone ever go to hell and just stay there without being reincarnated or going to heaven?
>>
>>682958308
How do I join Illuminati?
>>
>>682970780
dude im trolling as u see i get bored. had a rough sex so I'm just chilling
>>
>>682970780
Is there a point in going on? I feel sorta tired inside
>>
>>682971399
All souls have equal value, as they all have the same potential.

>>682971420
No.

>>682971494
If they decide to work there or pop in for a visit.

>>682971519
The Illuminati died long ago.

>>682971654
Things get better, anon.
>>
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Space program?
>>
>>682971748
I'm 94

How does that work?
>>
Can I get some help here /b/?
I'm trying to find out how much lego satan can fit inside himself but he's too much of a fag to give me an answer.
I think it's a relevent question due to today economic climate and world events.
Can you help me solve this mystery?
>>
>>682971425
Yeah, "dad", I´m pretty sure you´re confusing Death with Chaos. Antichrist, I knew you were a bad husband and father, but forgetting about your son? Who is also your grandson?
>>
I didn't get my GF accidently preggers did I?
if I did and we aborted it would it be your best friend?
>>
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>>682958308
are you truly evil?, can you give me an honest response?
>>
>>682971842
What about it?

>>682971873
You will die of natural causes soon enough.

>>682972079
Anti, go to bed and sleep off whatever you're on.

>>682972201
No, and you might get in trouble for that.
>>
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>>682958308

why did you make such glorious music?

pic related.
>>
>>682972072
till 666 cause that is his favorite number i guess
www
>>
>>682972248
No, I am not evil. My job is to oversee Hell, test and tempt man. It's really for your own good.

>>682972396
I can't take credit for the music you all came up with.
>>
>>682972280
94 here again.

I meant how does someone end up just visiting hell?
>>
Why are you such a dissapointment?
>>
>>682958308
can you remove the pain in my chest in exchange for my soul?
>>
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>>682972506
>>
>>682972488

such modesty. but srsly why do some ppl say the music I listen to is "Satan's" music? Are you a hardcore metal fan?
>>
>>682972280
I have to leave breathing all this fucking sulfur. How the hell am I supposed to be? When can I go up there? That Trump guy seems like a good vessel; I´m sure he´d make a great antichrist. Or how 'bout that fatass in North Korea? I don´t wanna get in there, but if I can blow up the world I might as well try!
>>
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>>682972488
what do you wish?, do you long for something?, why havent you ascended to the next dimesion of knowledge yet?
>>
>>682972506
God seems pleased with my work.

>>682972500
If you're in the afterlife, you just have to will it. Be warned though, that some demons may try to attack you.

>>682972549
No, or rather, I won't.

>>682972712
Some people tend to label things they don't agree with as evil. And I enjoy all genres to an extend, metal can be quite fun.
>>
>>682958308
fuck off will you?
>>
>>682972839
Well thank you for answering my questions, and I assume you're saying you're just doing your job.
>>
>>682972839

wich band does the glorious dark overlord enjoy the most? and do you enjoy gospel?
>>
What is the ultimate car brand? What the car you peronally would drive out from the gates of hell to conquer the world?
>>
>>682972802
No vessel for you until it's time.

>>682972814
I wish to see mortals advance to their full potential.

>>682973014
I am doing my job, sometimes well.

>>682973051
Gospel can be fun.

I enjoy Linkin Park because of how amusing I find its edgy fans.

>>682973197
I prefer to travel by chariot
>>
>>682973051
>>682972839

And what torment does hell have in store for me? will go to limbo? I personally do not recognize any god, but it doesn't stop me for trying to be a good person.
>>
>>682973269
Goddammit dad, will you let me at least bring some friends home? Plague has some seriously fucked up stuff. Meth that can literally drive insane a man with one miligram
>>
>>682973269

what do you think humans will be in full potential?
>>
>>682973390
Limbo does not exist. And truthfully, as long as you're a decent person, God doesn't care in the least what religious beliefs you hold.
>>
>>682973269
why the obsecion with us?, do you love us?
>>
>>682973538
Have you paid attention? Pestilence is not an entity. The four horsemen are Conquest, War, Famine, and Death, pestilence is just a power they all share.

>>682973541
God seems to think you will one day become as good as he is. Watching your kind for as long as I have, I am inclined to agree.
>>
>>682973545

Dante was wrong? what is hell like? is it a place of torment? or just "wicked soul storage"? what does it look like? is it any like the album covers?
>>
>>682973878
I do, very much so.

>>682973907
Hell looks different for each individual. It is a place where wicked souls go. There, they are forced to live through the pain and suffering they caused others. They remain there until they have lived through it all, or repented. If they repent, they go to heaven, if, after everything, they still don't repent, they are reincarnated.
>>
Satan is a fucking faggot, he can't even lego.
>>
>>682973903

I tend to agree, humanity in general can in most perspective be a disease in the liefform "Earth".
But i think only some can live up to their true potential, i think it already happened a couple of times... but like sporadically ....
>>
Pic from hell w/timestamp
>>
>>682973903
Sure, now you know by friends better than I do! Why the fuck not?
>>
>>682974259
and are you best buds with loki, mars, and tezcatlipoca?
>>
>>682974338
Even the greatest of you have not attained your true potential. You have the potential to be so much more than you are. It will take a very long time, maybe an eternity, but one day, God hopes you will become his equals.

>>682974409
Anti, you're high most of the time. Hell, you can't even go through a post without a major spelling mistake or grammatical error.

>>682974588
Yes, I'm..quite close to Loki. Mars is just War, one of the horsemen.
>>
>>682958308
sup stan
>>
>>682974742
Can't even lego..... Tsk, tsk.
>>
>>682974742

did loki told you bout the story he did a tug of war with a goat, while boud the other end to his scrotum?

And do you want to visit me sometime to blaze up and listen to some awesome music?
>>
AMD or Nvidia?
>>
>>682975245

AMD<Nvidia

AMD<Intell
>>
>>682975086
Come see me when you're in the afterlife, we can hang out then.

>>682975060
Just let it go.

>>682974753
Sup.

>>682975245
Neither.
>>
>>682975385

is there weed in the afterlife?
>>
>>682975385

and even if I go to "Heaven".
>>
>>682975385
No! It feels like a theam for the night. Now answer my qustions regarding lego or I'll tell the crab people on you.
>>
>>682975452
Tons.

>>682975627
You can visit Hell, and I can visit Heaven.

>>682975700
Anon, go discuss your crabs with your doctor.
>>
>>682975385

Are your glorious evil underworldly powers struggeling with captcha?
>>
What the hell were you thinking when you created me?
>>
Who is your favorite person in Hell right now?
>>
>>682958308
0, 1 - pizza
2, 3 - burger king
4, 5 - buffalo wild wings
6, 7 - chinese
8, 9 - arby's
>>
>>682975939
The captcha sucks.

>>682976083
God created you, not me.

>>682976201
Stalin.

>>682976216
You have your answer
>>
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What would you ask yourself?
>>
>>682975835
I'm not messing. If I tell the crabs you'll be sorry.
They'll crawl inside your ass hole sideways and make lego seem like childsplay.
>>
>>682976377
Will Trump be elected?

>>682976386
You're an imbecile. I'm one of the most powerful beings in the universe.
>>
>>682975835

>Tons of weed.
>Awesome music, 'cause i will outlive the best musicians.
>Blazing with satan.

Will try to be more than "The sum of my parts" in this life. And if what you type is true, I will have the most glorious afterlife ever!

also, Will the weed be accessible when I die? how about rolling papers? and tabbaco? and lighter?

Also, where does my food go when it dies?
Where does my weed go when i smoke it? will it go to weed heaven or hell?
>>
>>682976585
>Will Trump be elected?
Rolls Ask God for that one...
>>
>>682976585
Yet you can't handle a little lego?
Crab man Bert got 6 in the other day. Infact I think he managed a lego man head too.
My money's on Bert you clover footed fairy.
>>
>>682958308
do you think you could defeat tenacious D in a rock-off rematch
>>
>>682976803
Yes

Weed does not die.

>>682976833
Perfect, isn't it?
>>
>>682977031

also this.
and will you show me a thing or two on the guitar when we blazing up? Bring two dude. I wanna jam.

Also, when you told eve about the apple and shit, did you give man logic and reason?
>>
>>682977046

do things need a soul to be alive?
what is your view on "life". what does it need to be alive? and what meaning do you give life?
>>
What is your opinion of all the edgy faggits out there who say they worship you?
>>
>>682977031
Yes.

>>682977369
They already had a tiny bit of it, the fruit just amplified it a few hundred fold.

And sure.

>>682977551
No.

It's not my job to give meaning to life.

>>682977622
Usually misguided fools.
>>
Why did the great harvest fail?
>>
>>682958308
Fuck you. Don't try to be someone you are not. Faker.
>>
I guarantee your not satan. your an attention seeking faggot. go fuck your self
>>
>>682977682
What are real satanists typically like?
>>
>>682958308
I've always had this fetish about getting raped by satan. Can you rape me?
>>
>>682977841
You're* ×2
>>
>>682977830
Faker? I think you're the fake Satan around here. You're comparing yourself to me? Ha! You're not even good enough to be my fake!

>>682977841
you're*

>>682977879
Either kids who want to piss off their Christian parents, or people who associate me with freedom.

>>682977983
I...no.
>>
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>>682977682

well i'm out satan. thx for the chat! see you next time. smoke 'em when you got 'em!

here, have a goat.
>>
>>682978105
Please satan. I need you to rape me.
>>
Can you help me to be happy ? Please.
>>
>>682978172
Thank you, anon. Take care.

>>682978204
Anon, seek help.
>>
>>682978393

smoke weed erry day.
>>
>>682978204
It's not rape if you want it.
>>
>>682978424
No. You better fucking rape me you stupid cunt.
>>
What happened to the memory complex known as Lucifer?
>>
>>682978607
Rapesimulator.
>>
>>682978607
True.

>>682978393
Anon, why are you sad?

>>682978681
Data not found
>>
Mr.Satan, can I choose to go to Hell even if I did not sin?
>>
>>682979600
Please dont rape me satan.
>>
whut does Trump's bootyhole taste, smell and feel like?
>>
Is there anything you don't like about God?
>>
>>682979600
i'm alone.
>>
how are the kingdoms satan?
>>
>>682979600
Data not found? What about the 13 off planet lines? You must at least know something.
>>
>>682979736
To visit, sure, or get a job there.

>>682979775
I will not.

>>682980087
Find someone, my friend.

>>682980040
Well, if I am being honest, in my weaker moments I feel resentment over the special treatment he gives mortals.

>>682979936
Ask Cruz.
>>
>>682958308
What time zone does Hell use? And why is it CDT?
>>
>>682980333
nice trips. will you reserve me a cozy spot in hell? I already know im going there.
>>
>>682958308
Satan, how accurate is Supernatural?
>>
>>682980325
File is restricted.

>>682980450
Eternal

>>682980740
Why is that, anon?
>>
>>682980816
There are a lot of fallen angels that think similarly to Supernatural's Lucifer. But God isn't missing, Gabriel isn't AWOL, Michael and Raphael aren't pricks, and demons are capable of killing angels.

>>682980720
Well, I am the devil.
>>
>>682980849
Why are you so beta, I mean God litrally is alpha over your ass?
>>
>>682980189
not gonna reply huh
>>
>>682980849
File restricted? Fine. Leak me something to go on please?
>>
>>682981145
He created me, he could unmake me at any time if he so wished.

>>682980189
To which Kingdoms are you referring?
>>
>>682981200
I hope this isn't the real Satan. He's so beta right? Can't even answer simple lego related questions.
>>
What is your view on me Satan?
>>
>>682980849
ah well. I killed someone everyone loved a lot during the 90's. and well that's grounds for damnation right?
>>
>>682981364
you should know what i am referring too.
>>
>>682981488
You have limitless potential.

>>682981562
Do you repent for what you did?
>>
>>682981145
>>682981364
You answer my questions when they're not lego related?
Why you so scared of lego anon?
>>
No I'm satan check em
>>
>>682981611
Lego kingdoms?
>>
>>682981722
dubs don't lie
>>
Thank you satan, I have actually been needing to hear that.
>>
>>682981667
This was almost a epic get
>>
>>682981722
dubs dont lie
>>
>>682981722
Checked
>>
>>682958308
Will I really go to hell for masturbating?
>>
>>682981667
no i didn't.
>>
>>682958308
Is tumblr ur greatest creation?
>>
>>682982011
And a check for you good sir
>>
>>682981722
Impressive.

>>682981995
Meme magic is strange.

>>682981971
You are welcome, anon.

>>682982041
No.

>>682982055
Then you will be going to Hell.

>>682982087
Hey, don't blame me for that. You people came up with that on your own.
>>
>>682981847
the kingdoms where non-mortals like us are part of
>>
gief me riches already ffs
>>
>>682982312
Heaven and Hell are fine, thank you for asking.

>>682982385
No.
>>
Now Satan, since you're all knowing: Does Katelyn really love me? Because she just isn't as happy to see me as she used too.
>>
>>682982206
then i revise to my original post. reserve me a cozy place in hell please.
>>
Can I have dubs?
>>
>>682982475
I am not omnipotent. What does your heart tell you?

>>682982477
No, you will live through the pain and suffering you caused.

>>682982517
Maybe someday.
>>
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https://youtu.be/wm3gd-Wf_XE <
>>
How do you intend to beat god at the game of life?
>>
>>682982631
eh thats fine.
>>
I don't even know Satan, that's why I asked you, I'm just so confused and depressed. But save me a nice spot in hell for me. ;)
>>
So, I'm wondering what afterlife has in store for me for I have sinned, but my sins are kinda petty and not really things worth repenting. So is my hell pretty much like my life on earth just riddled with slight inconveniences?
>>
>>682982850
I don't.

>>682982901
What have you done to deserve Hell?

>>682982964
What kind of sins are we talking?
>>
My christian friend keeps telling mě that all atheists, even the giid ones go to hell, but all of the christians go ti heaven, even the bad ones.
Is this true?
Also, do satanists have better place than others in hell?
>>
>>682958308
Will i become god
>>
Is hell cold and if so how cold? Is it hot if so how hot? I like my hell to be just right temperature around 72 degrees F.
>>
I'm not sure if I DESERVE to go to hell, but I'm certain God won't accept me. I'm not really a "Good person"
>>
>>682982206
Hey Satan. You said you can't bend other humans free will. I am pretty sure I did that in the form of mind magick. Can you elaborate on what other people on my reality are? Do we all humans share the same perspective?

Also, should I take cocaine or some drug to deal with my hard-ass apathy?

My regards
>>
Do I still have a chance of getting to reincarnate even if I get sent to hell. Or is that only for people who've gone to heaven.
>>
Are you satan?
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