>>682827783 Its many manifestations but the core reason the same: i grew up to be a responsible and hard working person in order to reach my life plan, and she didnt. She is practically dragging me down now. Tell me about yourself
>>682828267 I believe that talk we're given that girls are more mature than boys is BS. What's up with your girl, exactly?
About my case, short story, but you know how in certain movies there's that guy who spends too time much at work, gets home and even though he really loves his family he is too tired for anything? That was me 2 years ago. It's in the past now, but she never really got over it, and I don't blame her.
>>682829014 Lazy, unambitious, stuck professionally in a spot she hates and i hate even more and doesnt do anything about it. Same goes to physical fitness and overall she made some dedications in the past that she doesnt hold up to. A year ago i said to her in a very dramatic discussion that i CANNOT go on like that. Yesterday it struck me out of nowhere that in 1 year nothing changed
>>682829671 Some people grow up and really don't see time pass by them, I have seen friends go that way, ending up like that. I believe you have tried talking her out of her laziness and her bad job. What's her side of the story? I mean, did she ever tell you why she's lazy or why she doesn't feel like working out for her man or changing jobs?
>>682826101 simple, i gave her 2 years and 6 chances to stop fucking drinking & get a job.
She didn't, infact so much so I saved a 10 year old bottle of Pinoit Noir and she chugged 3/4 of the bottle no questiones asked... so i fucked a milf like a bitch and really ended the realtionship with a lasting message: you want to do nothing? you wanna be nothing other than a sad drunk when hes the only one working to make us work?? well your partner could always do better of you want to be nothing. so there ya go enjoy. nothing
>>682831126 that's the worst part, I have to stay with her at least another couple of months. I can't break up with her before I go to EDC in june >MFW surrounded by molly rave chicks and tryin' not to cheat
>>682831118 Its just a constant 'i know' and 'you can point it ou in nicer ways' and when she notices it without me poking its 'why am i so lazy??' And basically nothing else. I think she is mentally overwhelmed and would be happier in some simple fun job rather than her degree, even if she says its not true. It looks like cant handle constantly putting effort into her life unless its fun
Its reaally dragging me down. I was really stuck few years ago and it took hard work to become a capable man that gets shit done.
I've been with my GF for 8 years, I was 14 when we got together, I'm now 22.
I don't even know if I want this anymore. She's never been with another guy, and I've never been with another girl.
Bur that's just the thing, if I did split up with her I wouldn't even know where to start. Like I can speak to other girls all the time, but on a sexual and intimate level I would feel so unconfident. And like, imagine if she fucked another guy and he was better than me
I've grown up with her and I know nothing else, it feels strange to move on
>>682826101 If you are not happy just do it, people tend to feel some sort of compromise to the other person, cause of money, favors, friends etc etc. but if you stay whit some one you dont lover anymore it can be a codependent realtionship, and you gonna end up hating her instead of fucking her once in a while by just ended up being friends win/win
>>682832098 Op here, i was like you without confidence few years ago (see post where i say i couldnt get shit done). Now i feel pretty confident and can flirt even, even if im not the king of it, im human after all
And still it scares me. What if i get unlucky? Stayunhappy? Will it be better than in this 'stuck' relationship?
>>682832191 You know I used to think like that when I was single, like "if it doesn't work out anymore, break up". I can even mention my parents relationship as an example, they haven't worked out in almost 20 years yet they're still together.
But when you love someone, you understand that it's a little more complicated than that. You don't want to suffer, but you still love the other person and you want them to be good for you, because you really love them, and wouldn't stand letting them go. Love is quite complicated just as it's simple.
you are putting too much forethough on a minute issue that is neither tangible or worth stressing over. most women are lying about their sexual partner numbers due to factors such as levels of contact, the `bases` scale or just because they fear the label `whore`
>>682832055 Perhaps she's putting her effort in the wrong ways. Is it final, though? I mean, even if she magically changed her ways to be a better and more mature person, would you still think of leaving?
>>682833107 Your last line has been bugging me reaaly badly 24/7 for 2 days. So far my conclusion is: 1 life - go out there and discover it, i dont want to miss on anything just cause this bad relationship feels comfy
>>682833292 Well, by now im so unsatisfied that im beginning to think missing on possible exciting flirts etc is too good to miss. If she magically got BEYOND my expectations and stsrted boosting me ahead in life, then i would stay maybe
>>682833438 >should I experiment with other girls since I have never before, am I missing anything? I'm not really inclined to be the type of person who tells what other should do, but you must know that once you cross that line, there's no turning back. She's wrong for being lazy, but you'll be even more wrong for cheating on her. You will have forever defiled your relationship, and even if she never finds out, you will always know.
she cheated on me, but im glad she did, moved on and found someone skinnier and better in bed. she was turning into a land whale and i was too blinded by love to see it. mistakes made but not irreversible
With my gf of 9 months and like every girlfriend I've ever had around this period I feel bored, maybe it's just something I have to break through I love her but all I can think about is other women, but I can't imagine breaking up with her and seeing her face because she's so sweet and loyal
>>682826101 Honestly? We got bored of each other, nothing was really fun it was just meh, we grew more and more apart until we just looked at each other and knew neither of us really wanted to be in that relationship.
>>682832098 >>682832475 >>682832740 >>682833439 >>682833841 This actually really helped me. Especially >>682833439 The breakup I went through recently has lingered pretty hard on me. We were our first sexual partners, and the thought of her fucking anyone else (which I know she is; its an arts and communications college) drove me mad.
I just gotta let her go and know there'll be another beautiful woman out there.
>>682835581 I'm making it work at the moment, but I just feel tired like I can't keep it up any longer at the moment. >>682835610 Because for a start I'm a sick pervert but she doesn't know, and I just get bored of one partner, I like the excitement of talking to different girls
>>682836343 maybe, i live a double life on the internet, i have a lot of friends and i'm a decent looking guy, but i'd rather stay inside every day on the internet looking at semi legal porn and browsing 4chan >>682836425 staying loyal isn't the main problem really because i've been challenged before and i've always kept my loyalty, it's just impossible to get rid of the bored feeling, not just sexually. when i'm with her i'd rather be at home. but i do love her, it just depresses me to love her
>>682836690 Let her know how you feel about her personally. Tell her all about how wonderful she is and how the breakup won't change the fact that she's a great person. The key is to make her know that she's wanted and lovely - blah blah, it's not her, it's you.
>>682836891 >it's just impossible to get rid of the bored feeling There's your problem. Try doing with her what you have fun doing alone. Go on a trip together, try something new, get her to know you better, and you get to know her better. Make sex more spicy. You have what it takes to have a great relationship. And trust me, it's really worth it.
>>682826101 OP a lot o relationship happiness is about your thinking. When all you can think about is how much they annoy you or don't challenge you etc its only going to eat you up inside and get worse. I've been in a 10 year relationship that at times I doubted it was "enough" Shes a 7-8/10 and I might have done better there, but she also brings me joy every day and thinks like a bro not a messed up bundle of emotions like some chicks.
>>682836069 are you yourself around her or do you have to constantly put on an effort to please her?
>>682836891 i was supposed to date a different girl but this other girl im dating now swooped me away, sometimes i wish i was still with the one that got away, she got a boyfriend now, does she still think about me?
>>682837517 I don't really do much for fun though, my life is boring at the moment >>682837557 we are both ourselves personality wise around each other, we make each other laugh and can be weird as fuck etc. but there's still a side of me i don't want to show her, or anyone, because like i said earlier i have a 'double life' on the internet >>682837636 do not understand >>682837993 i removed her on all forms of social media, and she still follows me because she wants to be my friend, but i just destroyed my old image of her in my head and now when i hear about her i feel nothing, i could probably say hi to her and not feel anything at this point. this was 2 years ago now though
>>682838396 that's a very valid point and if i was in a better mental state then maybe i'd feel fine, thanks dude. no question about it i'm fucked up in some way, not just related to relationships. >>682838412 possibly, my ex girlfriend still wants to be friends with me from 2 years ago after she broke up with me
>>682838283 Double life? unless you're talking about running drugs or being a pedo it might not be as big a problem as you think. I hesitated telling my girl about this place for a while worrying she would get scared. Then I found out she was into tentacle hentai and she was just as worried about me finding out.
Keeping your relationships shallow will do exactly that, keep them shallow. You won't develop the deep bonds that come from letting people in. Getting bored after the "honeymoon" phase is pretty much guaranteed if you don't get close in that time.
What if it was a bad relationship but it would be extremely hard to find somebody new up to my standards? I am very picky, need her to be intelligent and educated and be unshakable in her life plan. Not just some hot bimbo.
Then again my current isnt unshakeable and super sharp thinker either
>>682838835 I do weed and other drugs secretly and i'm pretty sure i'm bisexual in denial. the thing is, my girlfriend is very vanilla and naive, she isn't into stuff weird stuff, not even buttsex. yeah maybe it is shallow, but it feels deeper than my other relationships at this point
>>682839533 Whats love? Jelly in stomach feeling? No. Care for her to not to be hurt? Yes. Feel wonderful when i see her after coming home? No. Really enjoy constant company of somebody who knows me well? Yes.
>>682829671 It's definitely time to end it then. Just got out of a 3 and a half year relationship with a girl two weeks ago, feeling so much better now. Cried and felt sad/angry for a week but then realized that I'm not being held down anymore in my choices of who I can talk to, where I can eat, or even feeling guilty about wanting to occasionally look at porn (she never wanted me to look at it which is bullshit). If you feel like she isn't willing to change after you've had talks about it, then you have to eventually accept that you're mature enough to change but she isn't, and sadly nothing will make her change. You just have to move on anon.
>>682839804 >>682839299 I'm this guy, and you just explained my feelings perfectly. When I look in her eyes I see her beauty, but I don't get butterflies. I can't imagine her crying after me breaking her heart, it would break my heart. But I like sharing and being close with someone, not in a selfish way though
>>682829671 >>682831118 my girlfriend just broke up with me because of these reasons. ive fallen in a hole where i just dont care about me anymore. id hoped she would give me motivation to crawl out of it, but she just left me. i feel a bit betrayed, since i helped her with all my might to get over her problems.
>>682839299 my girl was a virgin and hadn't thought about any of that stuff either. I educated her. A vanilla girl is just a blank slate to work your magic on. Just the other day I was ramming it in her ass cos she was begging for it, and she told me she never would have imagined this 10 years ago.
As for being BI, who knows maybe you could work your way into some threesomes. It's not like you have much to lose if you see your relationship stagnant anyway.
Drug stuff I can't speak for, your best bet would be to find out what she thinks of weed etc. She's hardly going to call the cops on you for that.
>>682833542 It doesn't matter if she is. The only reason it should be mattering to you is if you want to be with her again, but if you're breaking up with her then you should accept that you won't ever be with her again, and find the negatives of the relationship so you understand why you two shouldn't be together.
>>682840051 But i do constantly tell her the issues and the ways to solve them, just that she never works on it for very long.
Did your girl leave you without those warnings? Maybe you underestimated them, i think my girl doesnt realize the importance of those issues. Even when i say that i am disgusted by --describe person with similar behaviors to hers--
>>682836069 Nothing wrong with being perverted and wanting different sex acts, if she's not willing to do them with you then you're probably building up a resentment in you that makes you want to be with other women. Or maybe she's missing something that you desperately crave, these thoughts don't ever go away unless you personally make the change to want them gone. If they aren't going to go away for you then you're better off being single rather than building up a resentment and ruining your relationship later on.
>>682840405 mine is a virgin, i've brought up stuff like anal, she's not horrified by it but just says she isn't interested in it. I've been in denial for a long time, and I'm still not ready to accept it or come out to anyone, but it's just something in the back of my head really. She knows I smoked weed in the past, but she says she doesn't like it when I was with her so I told her I stopped. I started again a bit after in secret with my brother and some very close friends, sometimes by myself. She'd kill me if she found out. i love drugs though, maybe that's a reason, because i feel held back by her
feel the same, kinda sticky situation but loong story short. im 19 been together with this girl for past 3 years now, lived together for 2 of them, and we now got a son thats 7 weeks old, she is always picky and we are arguing 6 times every week because she thinks im a lazy something. And it feels like i'm together with my mom. im also dealing with depressions so beeing together with her and being picked on is fucking me up slowly. idk what the fuck to do so please help. will give more info if needed and btw sorry for my shitty english
>>682839299 Nothing wrong with liking weed or being bisexual, if these things aren't cool with your girlfriend then you're going to build up guilt/resentment constantly when you aren't able to smoke or try out sexual stuff over time.
>>682840038 that doesn't mean you don't love her. This is why it took me years to propose to my girlfriend. One time I actually told her I don't feel that fireworks disney love for her and it nearly broke her heart. It nearly ended us before all the people around her kept reminding her of all the great things ive done for her and how much she means to me and we both realised it was just different to the movies and books for me.
Is she a great friend does she "get" you. is she there for you when you aren't at your best does she care for your feelings more than her comfort. even if she sucks in bed does she try as hard as she can.
All of these are qualities you want in a partner and from yourself too. If you have a few its worth working on and if you have them all hold tight and don't let go.
>>682841010 No problem, I literally just had this issue with my previous girlfriend of three and a half years amongst other things, I felt guilty if I ever came across porn on /b/ and eventually I snapped. Told her I need to look at it occasionally, but she wouldn't budge, so we needed to end it, and honestly I feel much happier now since I shouldn't be policed on what I do if it isn't harming anybody.
>>682841008 You had a kid too early, is what ya did. Let me tell you something, boy. If you do everything in your power to make sure that kid grows up smart, healthy, loved, and out of poverty, she will respect you. Maybe not love you, and maybe not now, but in time she will respect you.
Don't fight with her in front of the baby. If you need to separate, do it. Just remember that whatever you're doing for the baby is never enough. You're doing this for the baby, not her, because your child is beautiful.
>>682841140 >>682841127 >>682841395 It's just that I do resent her because I feel like I shouldn't have to choose between weed and love, people have told me before that I have to choose,but I just want both >>682841279 yeah, she is all of them really apart from a few disagreements on drugs. thanks.
>>682840943 Nothing wrong with weed/anal, if you two can't be compatible on those topics and you still want to do them both then you'll eventually just build resentment and start to lose the loving feelings you have towards her. Either you stop wanting those things of your own free will (so you don't feel resentful because its "for her") or she accepts that you like those then you may be better off single.
>>682841594 Well in life you can't always have both. Sometimes you have to give something to win something. Tell me, in 20 years, do you imagine still doing weed, or do you imagine yourself with her, perhaps some kids, a good house and all that?
This day will come, mind you, you better make sure you take the choice you won't regret.
>>682841594 Just my opinion but I agree, you shouldn't have these huge ultimatums in a relationship that "we can't be happy/together if you're using weed/porn/some other harmless thing". I understand if someone has pedophiliac thoughts or does meth however since that stuff can seriously ruin you.
>>682841589 hmm I kinda understand about what you mean with having a kid to early, but thing is i grew up way to fast in my opinion. But i'm trying to do everything in my power so my little boy can have it great, but I get so fucking unhappy when my gf is naging and telling me how she wants me to be at everything, so I escape kinda often.. like not everyday and all day, but I have a tendence to go out and hang with friends ever now and then to get some room for myself, because of my gf is lame.
>>682840943 baby steps with the sex acts. I started by waiting till she was horny then licked her ass while going down on her. I would always grab her ass while fucking but started putting my finger on her asshole too. It would get me off much faster as I'm a butt man so she knew how much it turned me on. Over time I included more and more while giving her orgasms so she would grow to enjoy it.
end result is rather than having to "convince" her to give up the ass the first time I fucked her ass she actually asked for it. When I wanted to encourage more anal play years later I bought her plug tails and those jeweled plugs too. Bitches love shiny things.
As for the weed, don't know how you can reconcile such a strong hatred of drugs. you can keep it a secret but her finding out on her own is worse than you telling her you want to do it occasionally with friends.
>>682841839 Only problem with people is that people can change quite easily. So you know her super well now and get along with her great, then some traumatic event happens or just simply events over time, meeting new people/hearing new ideas and views on life and you two don't get along well anymore. The good relationships are the ones where this doesn't happen or you are both willing to compromise and work together over the years, not the ones that are amazing at this moment in time.
>>682840560 >>682840921 she told me like 5 times to improve ("you should study more") but that didnt really help me. i would have liked if she invited me over to learn or something like that. i know my beheaviour sucks and im just rotting away, but it would be nice to have somebody help you stand up instead of just saying "stand up"
>>682841424 Trust me man the other anon who replied is right, you may have had amazing memories and a great relationship but if it's not that way anymore, you need to accept that. It most likely will not change or go back to being amazing sadly, but it's just the way that life is. Accept that one or both of you are at fault for why you aren't happy and move on if needed.
How: You've spent 5+ years with the person, unless there's a glaring reason, i.e infidelity, then you owe it to them to be totally honest about why you've made the decision to leave. If it's something that can be fixed, like a lack of communication or differing attitudes, it can be worth trying to work on the relationship first.
Why: Growing apart, especially if your circumstances have changed since your relationship began, i.e careers, growing up, moving away from friends etc. Finding certain incompatibilities increasingly hard to overcome as you head toward a long-term future. Problems getting worse as the relationship progresses, like constant arguments, or selfish behaviour, etc. Or even just getting bored, the unfortunate truth is that there's millions of other possibilities out there and if someone isn't entirely satisfied with the relationship they might just want to move on...
If it's you considering ending the relationship, think long and hard about if it's something you really want, or if you're reacting to short term pressures, like external stresses impacting your relationship. A good idea is to give the relationship a weeks thought for every year spent in it. If at the end of that period you still feel the same, you probably won't change your mind in the future.
If you're being broken up with, just remember that there must have been a fundamental flaw with the relationship. Don't mourn the loss of a 'perfect' relationship, because if it ended it probably didn't exist. If you were the problem, try to find out where you went wrong and learn from that in the future. If they were the problem, look out for that flaw in future relationships as a warning sign. But ultimately it's likely to be a combination of both.
>>682841696 Having very different life plans sounds pretty bad. My wife just got qualified as a yoga instructor. shes been working admin and technical jobs for years but it gave her no joy. Now If I travel overseas for work she can still follow me and do her cruisey job there too.
If you can come up with a plan to both be satisfied you can make it work. But if she doesn't want to do shit and you want to do everything one of you is going to lose, and it will probably be you.
>>682843323 Ok how about a plot twist: the actual trigger for me thinking so seriously about ending it is that i went out with some friends and i really liked this one girl treating me nicely, hell she wouldve flirted if i returned the signs but i stuck to being fair and had neutral responses. But i really liked her out of sll the other girls.
Does this change anything? Im still unhappy with the motivation issues my gf has, thats the reason, right?
>>682846832 the best reason to leave a relationship is if you're just not happy in it. if that's the case, then sure.
doesn't mean you won't have regrets, though. if you ever loved her, you're gonna miss her a little bit. and worry about how she's doing. no, i wouldn't say any break-up has a guarantee of no regrets. but if you're not happy, it's better in the long run.
When I was 4 years into my relationship (3 years living together), I started my new job. At the job, there was this girl which seemed to have exactly the things I was missing in my relationship. She was in a relationship too and we got flirty. I got more and more sad with my relationship. But I stuck through it and now I am incredibly happy I did. Still with the same gf, love her above all and, most importantly, now I see clear that that other girl isn't all roses either, and her bad sides are worse than the bad sides of my gf.
My point is, however good your relationship is, you will ALWAYS meet other girls which you think are better because you're not seeing their bad sides just yet.
>>682846441 A lot of the time you can stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons. This is particularly true when you're afraid of being alone, or the belief that there's little hope for you outside the relationship.
This fear can be alleviated when you meet somebody else, reminding you that love and relationships are not concepts exclusive with your current partner.
It's also true that we judge our situations through comparison. Especially in long term relationships the opportunity for comparison is limited as your social life and circle tends to shrink. Having the opportunity to compare your situation, by experiencing happiness outside the relationship, can in comparison shine a light on how unhappy you truly are.
It's worth taking some time to consider though whether you're not just overwhelmed by the exciting novelty of the new situation, rather than being made aware of your unhappiness with the present.
As long as you make steps to remove yourself from your current relationship before embarking on a new one, there is no reason to be ashamed by these feelings, as no one will get unnecessarily hurt.
I think im running on 3 years right now, neither of us have cheated. It's crazy, this is the one girl (out of maybe 20) that I felt comfortable around... We always forget how long we have been dating and plus, we've been living with eachother for quite some time now.
I've been down nearly every road with women and the one I have now is a real person. None of this "nothings wrong" bullshit, we tell eachother how it is... we've never hit eachother either
as for the folks that say "I realized what I wanted after we started dating", you are stupid.... thats called lust.
There have been plenty of opportunities for me to get with girls but my experience allows me to vividly imagine how my life would turn out with that person.
idk... im rambling at this point.... im gonna get back to lurking :)
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