Help a bro get a date
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Help a bro get a date
if post ends in 1-5, "cuz i wanna shit in your mouth"
if post ends in 6-0, "cuz i want you to shit in my mouth"
Youre ugly as fuck
You look like my reatrded sister
>>682702505
so there is something I have to tell you.... I am on the sex offender's registry. She told me she was 18, turns out she was 12....
so there is something I have to tell you.... I am on the sex offender's registry. She told me she was 18, turns out she was 3....
you look underage
i like that ;)
>>682702505
Oh shit because I didnt think they made girls as fine as you
>>682702505
Hey gurl, I bet your pussy is wet. Oh it isn't? MAYBE THAT IS BECAUSE OP IS SUCH A FAGGOT
>>682703445
rolling for this
Don't be a fag have some confidence for once in your life
>>682702777
>>682702777
Fuck, that's a winrar there. Sorry op, no vagoo for you
B8
type something along the lines
"There's something I've been trying to get off my chest for a while now that's been bugging me pretty hard but I'm not sure how to really deal with it."
Give her a minute to respond or just check the 'read' part and basically what youre going to do is throw in a mini joke or something odd. youre going to basically open up the window for her to think you're trying to say something important. DO NOT SAY THE JOKE UNTIL I RESPOND SO I KNOW WHAT TO SAY NEXT
but yeah let her respond. after the joke youre going to let her laugh or w/e it is she does with her response and youre pretty much going to do someething along the lines of "lol but really though.. " and youll pretty much confess having feelings for her in a very soft way non aggro. gl OP im going to make sure you do this right. will post my screen shot so you know its me when i help again.
>>682702505
no reason. do you like to hit the bong? if so, would you like to replace that bong with a dong?
pls respond.
guy who gave you actual logical advice checking in. OP if you want this to happen hurry up before i leave this fucking thread. youre killing me with the suspense
>>682704444
Quadception
>>682704524
Naht bayd, op. Naht bayd
Fuck, I'm not even this bad with women, and I'm fucking TERRIBAD.
>>682704524
she really ment stop. this was the worst thing you could have sent. putting that pussy on a pedestal.
>>682704524
Lets cut the bullshit. Let me take you on a date and at the end we fuck? deal?
>>682704524
Faggot
>>682704444
you say this and this thread will come to a halt
actual advice helper checking in again
holy fuck you piece of shit how hard is it to just fucking listen. you went too aggro. youre pushing it and making it way too obvious. although that works with some girls its not something you can just do online like that. ffs man
>>682704524
Shitty lines...
How do recover????
>>682705069
I ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL!! SUCK MY COCK YOU CUNT
>>682703886
type my fucking post holy shit JUST FUCKING TYPE THIS ITS STILL POTENTIALLY YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO RECOVER.
IF YOU THROW ANOTHER COMPLIMENT YOURE GOING TO FUCK YOURSELF HARD RIGHT NOW. IF YOU DODGE FROM THE CONVO OR IGNORE EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID THEN YOULL FUCK YOURSELF JUST FUCKING DO WHAT I FUCKING SAID HOLY FUCK LEARN TO FOLLOW ORDERS YOU PIECE OF SHIT GARBAGE EXCUSE FOR A FUCKING HUMAN
>>682705069
who do you think would win a dance off, adolf hitler or benito mussolini?
>>682705069
get tits
>>682705069
Straight up say where you want to meet, what time and day also
>>682705069
OP is a fucking idiot. Ask her a question, you've come across too desperate and needy.
>>682704802
say this
>>682705069
Let's grab a drink, and you can watch me be awkward as fuck.
>>682702505
>oh shit what's up?
You're beyond saving
>>682705069
No compliment back? ;) Its fine because ill be having you later
>>682705069
enough of this small talk, i wanna fuck you, are you gonna play hard to get and wastw time or are we gonna get this over with
682705680
>>682705700
winrar
>>682705696
you're fucked.
>>682705696
Too late. You already fucked it all up
>>682705696
fucking beta as fuck yo....
>>682705696
Hahah rip
>>682705696
Welcome to the friendzone
Op should fuck her until her time of the month then screw off
>>682705963
I never left.
>>682705696
Fuck this guy is a little beta bitch.. so fucking cringeworthy.
>>682705696
Say "i love 12 year old girls and you look like one"
>>682705696
You sound like a fucking creep trying to profess your love to someone who you don't know. Say you have leeches on your chest.
THANK YOU FOR FINALLY TYPING THIS AOSIFJNHSOAD.
Now just post her next reply and ill tell you what to say next. IF she gets what youre trying to do and you think it fucks up ill give you a guilt trip story to tell her that will save you and make her feel shitty for thinking you were trying to ask her out. potentially youll get a guilty thought process on her and make herself feel bad about your "bad situation" and blah blah and youll meet to talk in person. this meeting will serve as your way to express how you are as a person and blah blah try to convince her to like you without actually telling her. OR IF IT WORKS OUT WELL YOull close this tonight with a date planned.
>>682706120
You never will
>>682706210
let's see ur text messages you queer
WAIT OP do you know this girl IRL (asking because its facebook so i have to assume you have some typee of friendship or relationship --- Tell us what type of frienship or relationship it is so i can figure out what to say next)
>>682706372
Never even reached it yet.
>>682706281
Just give me some bullshit story lol
>>682706606
It's tinder.
>>682706267
>Leeches on your chest hahhaha
Do this op you beta faggot
ayy
>>682706267
rolling so this faggot can redeem himself
>>682704524
Beta AF TBH
Well, she's in the same sorority as a couple of my friends, but I've honestly never met her.
>>682706633
Then you are fucked.
>>682705696
only way to redeem this OP
>acne
Your fedora is showing. Better just blow sick clouds
>>682706267
Do this OP. She probably won't even respond unless you make it sound like you were joking
Op is done
>>682707280
This girl already knows this guy is a lil faggot
>>682707280
I want to marry and procreate with you
>>682706835
"I have a friend who's struggling to ask out this girl he thinks he likes and I don't want to player the "player" card because I'm not much of a player at all and but I feel a bit bad and not sure what type of advice to give.. any thoughts :P?"
>>682707280
I really want to sniff your anal region
>>682707280
Nice try op
>>682707280
I want to kill and eat you
>>682707643
Roll for this
>>682707280
niggers tongue my anus
>>682704444
you poor neglected quads
>>682707280
i love niggers so much
you guys are bunch of assholes literally just downing this guy and not giving him any real advice. He's clearly not throwing responses over dubs but actually trying to score some sort of date with her.
Let me try to get this guy his date or some type of door to get to it in peace.
>>682707811
lol
>>682707643
this
>>682707882
THATS WHAT HE GETS FOR ASKING FOR THAT HERE
>>682707280
>>682706267
Fucking this. Whatever she responds with, follow up with "yeah, they literally suck." Then when she makes a laughing emoji or some shit say "what wouldn't suck is if we got coffee sometime"
>>682707882
>>682708028
Reroll this then you nigger
forgot to mention your friend looks up to you which is why you feel the need to try and help him.
Whatever her response is youre basically going to throw at her. It's a mini cliche way to do this but it works. theres a clear attraction physically and based off of your infos so you should be fine doing this.
I sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
>>682708028
roll
>>682708184
im high af is dis shit fur real
i LIKE lamp
>>682707643
Rolling
I have a fethish that most females won't do with me, it's the fact that I just love the smell of farts. I would love it if you could just sit on my face and force out as many farts as possible while I stuff my nose up your ass.
You wanna go out sometime? I haven't been in a relationship for a while and you seem like a beautiful loving woman :)
Op has fucking down syndrome
>>682708318
just
>>682708028
reroll for OP's last hope
>>682707280
I sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.
cum buckets
>>682707882
>>you guys are a bunch of assholes
>>guys are a bunch of assholes
>>are a bunch of assholes
>>a bunch of assholes
>>bunch of assholes
Welcome to /b/
>>682708028
Re roll
Why haven't you posted her picture yet?
https://soundcloud.com/vmusicoficial/madnesshouse-official-mixtape-2016-dj-v
>>682708028
Reroll
OP so fucking beta he'll pussy out with the leeches line.
>>682709872
You have rabbit teeth. I like that.
Wonna a carrot little rabbit? Wonna a carrot?
>>682710095
>roll
>>682702505
no one fucking cares about you op. if you think for one SECOND anon is going to help you your wrong big time chump cuz annon does not care at all. i hope next time you smoke you cough so much you die durg addict looser. here at b we want you to suffer and well laugh at you the whole way so gtfo faggot and take your fail with you because we dont EVER want you here again. I am one of the big shots at b u could say and I want you fucking gone. you dont want to fuck with any annons bcause were gonna make your life hell if you do. never forget or forgive so you have been warn. stay away from 4chan b or your face the consequeuences and I fucking know your not gong to like them when your info is plastered on the web so fuck you NEWFAF
>>682710095
Roll
>>682710338
What a fucking faggot
>>682710095
Reroll
>>682710095
I think her teeth are sexy
>>682710633
Winzip
>>682709872
this chick is the "haunted chick" thats been on 4chan and the internet for years
>>682710338
I can't tell if this is good pasta or bad autism.
being this new op
Seriously want a date? Do something like this.
"Always thought you were too pretty for me, but I think we'd hit it off. Why don't we give it a shot? We have nothing to lose!"
Do it you fucking cunt.
C'mon retard deliver the funny shit we came here to see. Nobody wants to watch you struggle with this cringe disaster any more. Give her the dick pic and call her a Jewish nigger already.
>>682710338
taking the bait. Some people like happy endings you miserable piece of shit.
>>682711262
Virgin
Dude fuck what everyone said. Treat te chick like a friend and it works. Tell we hey want to go get drunk n eat good or want to go get stoned n eat food, food works. Also don't be too pushy have fun bagging the chick
>>682711312
The only happy ending I like is the one your slant eyed gook mother gives me at the end of my buffet meal.
>>682707280
You dun goofed op
Hey I just met you And this is crazy
>>682711687
This. Food is key.
You know what? Forget I mentioned it. It was cheesy, anyway.
>>682712348
Do this. Women can't handle not knowing something. The intrigue will draw her in.
>>682712348
rolle
>>682712008
Too right brother
>>682711905
That would be clever if my mom was Asian. Or alive.
if trips tell her you're a raging queer for her dad.
http://www.strawpoll.me/10132387
>>682713606
White girls are prettier but latinas exude sexual energy more imo
