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Hello, /b/, I am Satan. Feel free to ask...
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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Hello, /b/, I am Satan. Feel free to ask me anything.
>>
Does god really hate gays? What about traps?
>>
>>682641144
No, God does not hate gays. He does not hate traps either.
>>
>>682640967
Will you fuck my tight boipucci?
>>
>>682640967
is it true you planted dinosaur bones to test our faith?
>>
>>682641395
No.

>>682641521
No, dinosaurs existed. The world is quite old, and you are quite young in relation to it.
>>
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can you go fuck yourself?
>>
>>682640967
Why do you dont answer my messages?
:( i thought we have something special
>>
>>682640967
Is that true you speak in reverse on rock vynil ?
>>
>>682640967
Do you have a spare moment to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
>>
>>682640967
How can I summon you?
>>
how do you feel about jews
>>
>>682641799
Possibly.

>>682641876
Lilith, you can drop by and see me any time. I don't do texting.

>>682641890
Sometimes when I get really drunk.

>>682641914
Of course, friend.

>>682641966
I am not at your beck and call. Why would I come to you?
>>
Can I like give you my soul in exchange for you know... stuff?
>>
>>682642034
Largely indifferent. They have the same capacity for good and evil as anyone else.

>>682642115
You could, but I would strongly urge you not to.
>>
>>682640967
Jet fuel can melt steel beams?
>>
Can I get a succubus?
>>
Is it true you and Jesus were gay lovers?
>>
Why have you kept Half Life 3 from us?
>>
can I have a qt gf?
>>
>>682642230
No, but it can weaken them.

>>682642413
Yes, but that's really not a wise idea. Ignore what /x/ says.

>>682642423
No.

>>682642431
That is Gaben's doing, not mine.

>>682642467
Maybe someday.
>>
Did you give Jesus a rimjob?
>>
>>682642413
Still , I want one , gib succubus plox
>>
how to unrape someone?
>>
Mr. Satan guy why do you browse /x/ and how can you type?
>>
>>682642423
so sexy
>>
Could you teach me how to be more in touch with you and your kingdom?
So far i was not able to get a good bond between my altar and a place from your kingdom.
>>
what is the most evil thing a person can do?
>>
No fap roulette bread do I fap or sleep
>>
>>682642630
I have not.

>>682642670
I don't deliver Succubi or Incubi, that's Lilith's department.

>>682642731
Go back in time.

>>682642734
I get very bored sometimes, and I type with my hands.

>>682642806
Anon, my kingdom is not a place you really want to end up in, unless you're asking for a job. In that case, when you die, tell Saint Peter you're interested in working down below, he'll send you my way and we can discuss it.

>>682642856
Genocide.
>>
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>>682642974
are you jewish?
>>
>>682640967
I'm just here to thank you for helping me with school. The grades are worth the lack of my soul. Thank you!
>>
Mr. Satan guy how to contact Lilith?
>>
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>>682640967
>>
>>682642943
Whichever you feel like.

>>682643030
No, though I harbor no strong negative feelings toward the Jews.

>>682643044
I still think you should have just studied, but you're welcome. I'll see you in a little while.

>>682643065
She can be contacted easily if you are capable of lucid dreaming.

>>682643155
Ha.
>>
>>682642806
So far i managed to bloodbound a piece of sacrificial wood to the altar and myself, sealing the bound with fire inside of a circle of my mystical mix, yet i was not able to find any entity trough it :(
>>
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How is my good friend Elliot Roger? Lonely as ever I suspect?
>>
Will i get ass raped in hell?
>>
Can you put Hitler on speaker pls?
>>
Do you live in hell? Is hell a place of torture and never-ending pain? Also, if you have a house/flat/mansion/a goddamn castle that you live in, how does it look like? (Sorry, for the questions, bu tI'm really curious.)
>>
Satan will u start a fap roulette bread so that I may decide whether or not to fap tonight
>>
>>682643468
Anon, just grab your wee-wee and start shaking it like a monkey in a coconut tree
>>
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is this your lettuce?
>>
Are there roller coasters in hell?
>>
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>>682643588
It's his cabbage
>>
Are there niggas of any kind in hell?
>>
>>682640967
Give me lots of money?
>>
Satan , cut this crap , I know you are bored but you know you are not allowed to talk to mortals like this.
>>
why you have to torture the sinful souls in hell, when they are practically on your side? Should you instead reward them?
>>
I found this on the floor, is it yours?
>>
>>682643359
He is in great pain.

>>682643366
Have you ass raped anyone on Earth?

>>682643438
I do not mind the questions, anon. I spend a great deal of time in Hell, though I travel to many different places. I do have a residence in Hell, though you may be disappointed to hear that it's rather simplistic. While it is a castle, it's shared with my associates, and my particular room is not much bigger than the others.

>>682643588
Yes

>>682643726
Sometimes

>>682643765
Many

>>682643870
Michael, God gives me free reign as long as I do my job. And you're my brother, you can call me by me real name.
>>
why do you punish people for sinning? I mean, it seems stupid to me, like you don't want people to do bad things
>>
>>682643955
>>682643588
do I turn into a gay if I smoke it?
>>
How do I go about selling my soul to get sweet guitar skills?
>>
Is there heavy metal down there
>>
Are you boy or grill
>>
>>682640967
Who do you like better, Trump or Hillary?
>>
Are Satan and Lucifer the same person? Somebody says yes, somebody says no, and I don't know what to think. I think you have the answer?
>>
>>682640967

I made my first youtube video today.

is it any good?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2G0GXdEDGA
>>
>>682640967
Can I suck your dick for favours
>>
>>682643955
You are interfering in God's Kingdom and business and this can't be tolerated. I warn you this won't end well for you.
>>
>>682643872
They are not on my side, though some think they are. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a wicked angel who seeks to dethrone God and seize heaven. I'm one of his most loyal servants, tasked with testing mortals and distributing punishment to the wicked.

>>682643921
My tooth!

>>682643981
I don't.

>>682644108
Go to a crossroads at midnight. Focus hard on your desire. If you are truly sincere about offering your soul, one of my servants will come to you. However, if you have even a shred of doubt about wanting to trade away your soul, they will not come.

>>682644042
No.

>>682644136
Yes

>>682644177
I'm naturally male, though I can come in a feminine form if I so choose

>>682644182
I'm not particularly fond of either, though I consider Trump the lesser evil.

>>682644250
My name is not Lucifer. That was a mistranslation/misinterpretation. Lucifer was a Babylonian king. My name is Samael.
>>
>>682644306

Not Satan, but that was sweet man. Keep that shit up!

You should give the DuckTales theme a go next.
>>
>>682640967
Does liking Traps make me gay?
>>
>>682644444

Fucking checked.

I have zero doubts about selling my soul. I'll wait at the crossroads.
>>
What will you do when Jesus comes down and saves us all and he goes to throw you in the fires of hell?
>>
>>682644306
play Tartinis devils trill
>>
>>682640967
Which religion is right ?
>>
You are not Satan , Asmoday.
>>
Can I trade inmortality for my soul?
>>
How big is your dick?
>>
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>>682640967
Should I start off buying gold, silver, or copper bars?
>>
>>682644343
Earth is my kingdom, remember?

>>682644308
No.

>>682644306
Not bad, anon, you have promise.

>>682644475
Yes.

>>682644541
I would strongly advise against it. And, if you do not mind my asking, what is it that you hope to gain?

>>682644615
I'm already in Hell, essentially he'll be sending me back to check up on the souls down here. When Jesus returns for you, I will play my part, and hope you humans perform well.

>>682644617
Christianity got it the closest, though no particular Christian faith got it perfectly. All religions have some truth to them.

>>682644740
No.

>>682644745
As big as I wish it to be.
>>
Satan, i have a question, do you have any servants on earth, and if so, are there any vacant places?
I would like to apply for a job before i die.
I don't want to suicide, and i'm affraid waiting for my death would take too long.
>>
What do you think of Wichita, Kansas?
>>
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>>682644831
why can't atheists define atheism?
>>
Hi satan!
>>
What do you think about idiots that think that Lucifer and Satan are the same guy?

One is a fallen angel that was casted into the abyss and the other (You) is a servant of god whose purpose in life is to tempt and punish people.
>>
Is it true you enjoy watching people suffer? Or are you actually a really nice person that isn't what they say.
>>
>>682645018
I do, there aren't vacancies but there is always room for more.

>>682645030
It's alright, I guess.

>>682645057
Some can, most don't really know what they believe, so they just go with the label that makes them feel smarter.

>>682645087
Hello, anon
>>
>>682645057
Not believing in fairy tales and flying spaghetti monsters. There, I defined it! :^D
>>
>>682640967
Satan, if you are nice, then just break this insanity, Infinity of everything is to much for anyone. Not even hitler deserves hell. You shoul make hell a earth 2.0.

what ever, now i will go and fapp to creepshots.
You better be nice becuz i´m from the Hoood
>>
>>682645057
Not you again. GTFO
>>
How do I enter the kingdom of heaven when I die?
>>
>>682644444
>Revelation 20:10
And the devil who had deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur, into which the beast and the false prophet had already been thrown. There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.

Ok then the bible is wrong and wooow nice quints
>>
Can you control the weather?
>>
>>682645286
kill as many muslims as you can
>>
I'll give you my sole to be the only winner of the Powerball jackpot next time I play
>>
Is Marcelyn or Marceline the more snowflakey version of the name?
>>
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>>682645230
>>
>>682644831

To be completely honest. Guitar is the only thing I have left in my life that actually makes me happy.

I've always had dreams of playing guitar in front of tens of thousands of fans. But I've yet to gain the skills in the past 10 years of playing to achieve this goal and I'm beginning to get discouraged.

Why would you advise against it though?
>>
>>682640967
which American political candidate do you support?
>>
If I kill myself, will I be thrown back in the void? where do people who do suicide go?
>>
>>682645131
Lucifer is Satan.

>inb4 sinning faggot who hasn't read the Bible before
>>
>>682645131
Lucifer was a Babylonian king, not an angel. Well, there are a few angels named Lucifer, technically, but they aren't who you're thinking of.

>>682645184
I enjoy seeing justice, but I do not enjoy suffering for the sake of it.

>>682645234
Nobody stays in Hell forever, anon. Believe me, I have a much better understanding than you of how long an eternity is.

>>682645286
Be a decent human being, or serve out your sentence in Hell. In either case you will reach heaven eventually.

>>682645371
The bible did get a lot of things wrong. Got a good amount of things right, too though.

>>682645398
If I want, yes

>>682645431
No.
>>
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>>682645419
DEUS VULT!!!
>>
Would you consider /d/ "degenerate"?
Is giving someone a concrete enema moral if they consent?
>>
ur not
>>
STAN, Y U NO ANSWER?!>>682644798
>>
>>682645628
Is the jew satan in human form?
>>
>>682640967
whats your favorite color?
>>
What is the sentence for being gay?
>>
Is it true you're left handed and a ginger?
>>
Make it rain a little bit in illinois.
>>
>>682645576
Okay, that's neat. Will you please make it rain in Wichita, Kansas before the day is over?
>>
>>682640967
Why can't you roll satanic trips?
>>
>>682645881
I don't want to
>>
What happens when people sell their souls to you? Or is it a made up thing.
>>
>>682645463
Marcelyn, for sure.

>>682645475
Because you will have to suffer in Hell for a certain period of time if you sell your soul. I would recommend you find a way to succeed on your own, or find a different calling.

>>682645543
I don't much like any of them. Bernie Sanders seems to be the most decent human being, though I don't think he'd make a good president. Trump is a lesser evil when compared to Hillary.

>>682645563
Usually Hell for a time.

>>682645679
Yes, but so long as they aren't hurting anyone, it's not a big deal.

If all involved parties consent, God cares little for what you do sexually.

>>682645777
Gold

>>682645778
No

>>682645786
Red

>>682645792
Nothing, God really doesn't care.

>>682645829
Some days

>>682645862
It's coming

>>682645877
If the mood strikes me

>>682645881
Meme magic is a different realm of power
>>
>>682640967
What are your thoughts on the song "sympathy for the devil" by the rolling Stones, should we have sympathy for you?
>>
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>>682646054
>Gold
alright, thank you.

Oh and uh...ave satana.
>>
When you coming back from the store?
>>
The guy asking for a job again, could you tell me what ritual do i need to perform so i can "apply for a job"?
Or if it's already written somewhere, give me a link or something please?
>>
can you help me get a pretty and qt gf?
>>
Can kids go to hell? And if they can what do you do with them?
>>
not christianity pal. Muslim is the true religion u know that it corrupt as long as the other religions. Quran has a secret key inside u know and i know and it contains flower of life. nice try anon almost done it.
>>
So how does one make a blood sacrifice to you?
>>
Who in your opinion is the most evil human in history?
>>
How do you feel about the Jonestown deaths? Were any of the participants moral or inmoral? Are they in heaven?
>>
>>682645576
Not in hell forever? can you leave? how?
(dis gon be gud)
>>
Since you are known for tricking people into doing bad things, is it possible that you are lying about all of your answers here?
>>
>>682646243


Me too satan. I'm working as tech support for the elderly. Hell would be a great lateral move.
>>
What color hat am I wearing?
>>
>>682646054

That is understandable. I guess suffering in Hell might not be work fame on Earth.

I have another question as well. Do you resent God for casting you out of Heaven? Or have you come to peace with that by now?
>>
>>682646379
Not satan, your blood or other's?
>>
>>682646032
Their souls are punished in Hell for a period of time that varies depending on what they traded for.

>>682646126
I enjoy it. And you may draw your own conclusion.

>>682646162
Anti, that joke stopped being funny a long time ago.

>>682646146
You are welcome.

>>682646243
When you die, tell Peter you want a job in Hell, he'll send you to me and we'll discuss it.

>>682646252
I can't, or at least am not supposed to interfere with free will, sorry.

>>682646327
In some cases, and they receive the same treatment as anyone else: they suffer through the pain they've caused others.

>>682646379
Spill blood and offer it to me, but I don't care for such sacrifices.

>>682646409
Evil is a subjective term, few people have acted without believing they were doing the right thing. Joseph Stalin, Genghis Khan, HH Holmes, Gacey, and a few others disturbed me the most.

>>682646458
A disgusting and tragic loss of life. Some are in heaven, some are in Hell.

>>682646501
You remain in Hell until you've lived through the pain and suffering you've caused others, or until you repent, whichever comes first.

>>682646509
It is possible, yes. Take what you want from my answers.

>>682646597
I love God.
>>
>>682646676
Both
>>
What do you do on your free time? And since you have demons work for you, what do they do?
>>
Are you hiring? And if I am hired, may I choose my own method of leaving the mortal coil, or do you just straight rip my soul out?
>>
>>682646942
>I can't, or at least am not supposed to interfere with free will, sorry.
can't you just give a qt gril a gentle push in my direction?
>>
>>682646942
Ok then what sacrifices do you want?
>>
>>682647060
Same
>>
>>682642974
didnt rape anyone at all
>>
>>682646942
What is your favorite dessert, or earthly food if any?
>>
>>682646942
>they suffer through the pain they've caused others.
can relate to that. what if your soul gets destroyed or killed, one hit but someone....
>>
Is doing drugs a sin?
Is eating meat a sin?
>>
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Is killing niggers a sin?

Pic unrelated
>>
>>682647073
None

>>682647060
That's really more God's line of work.

>>682647053
I am always hiring. I prefer that you die of natural causes before coming to work for me.

>>682646990
All manner of things for fun. My demons tempt your kind and cause trouble for you.

>>682647170
Then you will not be assraped in Hell.

>>682647231
I really enjoy pizza.

>>682647362
The soul is quite difficult to destroy. God made sure to make the souls of his favored creations resilient. Even an angel or demon would find it difficult to destroy one. Archangels could do it without much trouble, but we won't. And on the immensely rare occasion that a soul is destroyed, God restores it.

>>682647509
No, but harming others while under the influence is.

No.
>>
>>682646948
As satan said, he doesn't care much for such sacrifices, but you cand use your own blood to make a bound to your altar, and maybe, just maybe, one of his servants would be intrested in helping you in exchange of some nice sacrifices.
But, as i said in one of my earlier posts, binding a place from this world(your altar) to a place in Satan's kingdom is very hard. Contacting any entity from that place is even harder.
>>
>>682647509
>is eating meat a sin?

I found the vegetarian fucking meat protester.
>>
Do you visit churches ever,
If so have you been to this one?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TBhmVsx-WM
>>
What is that hazy smoke that comes out of your body and is visible at night when you concentrate on seeing your aura?
>>
If you truly believe for 100% you are doing the right thing, is it a sin?
>>
When you die, does everyone go through a period/time in hell depending on how bad they were in their life and then move on to heaven? Or is it like Bible thumpers say where it's "oh, you sinned have fun burning and being tortured for all of eternity forever"
>>
>>682647619
>That's really more God's line of work.
Can you put in a good word for me?
>>
>>682647619
Are you friends with God? What if one day you get bored of you job and wanna go back to Heaven?
>>
>>682647610
It depends on the circumstances.

>>682647722
I have been to all of them.

>>682647739
I would prefer you figure that out on your own.

>>682647781
Yes. It is not the road to heaven that is paved with good intentions.
>>
>>682640967

Are you God's enemy, or do you work for him as a prosecutor against humans?
>>
>>682646054
>In some cases, and they receive the same treatment as anyone else: they suffer through the pain they've caused others.

What about the pain you inflicted yourself?
>>
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I think you're really cute, so I'll just drop this thing in here...
>>
>>682647892
*when a person dies, not when/if Satan would die, can you die?
>>
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MONEY
>>
>>682647619
Job hunter here.

That's understandable. I assume I would be correct in thinking suicide would not expidite the process.

Do you speak on the particulars of the job at all before the opportunity to be hired arises? Because I would love to discuss the overall scope of what my job would be in great detail.
>>
>>682648017
God sends peace and shit while Satan delivers punishment. Its his job.
>>
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>>682640967
Would you sign your book?!
>>
>>682647619
how does time work in the afterlife?
>>
Was Obama really saying "thank you Satan"???
>>
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>>682647968
Zozzle me satan
>>
>>682640967
how do i learn your types' magic?
>>
>>682648452
I think i fucked that guy in the ass in highschool
>>
How do you feel about this picture?
>>
Where is mystery Babylon?
>>
>>682646054
>Usually Hell for a time.

LIE !
There are scripts where it's told that, some of the people who suicide back then, went STRAIGHT to heaven.
>>
>>682647942
It's an empty gesture, he already knows everything about you.

>>682647892
It depends on what they did, but nobody is there forever. Even if Hitler never repents, he will be in heaven after a few million years.

>>682647954
I still love God with all of my heart, and one day I will return to heaven, but only when my job is done.

I do visit on occasion, however.

>>682648014
I work for him, testing you to help you grow.

>>682648017
I'm sorry, I don't think I follow.

>>682648022
Thank you, anon

>>682648197
You would help devise punishments for those who have sold their souls, and keep an eye on the prisoners to pull them out of the fire if they repent or when their time is p.

>>682648296
Sorry, no autographs.

>>682648308
It moves at the same pace, but you're eternal in the afterlife, so periods of time seem far shorter to you.

>>682648531
That would be telling, wouldn't it?

>>682648698
Memes do have power, but free will is very real.

God cares little about your religious beliefs, though.
>>
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>>682648561
No i would have known about that
>>
How is Heaven? Is it forever? What if we can revive people? They get from heaven back to earth? Also can you cuddle with your earthly wife/husband there? And what if you died single? can you meet your love there?
>>
>>682648785
What does a job working for you entail?
also would I be able to choose how I appear to people?
>>
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>>682648785
Come on zozzle me
>>
>>682640967
how do i meet you at the crossroads
>>
What are ghosts? Why don't they go to heaven/hell and for how long they stay here? Don't they get bored?
>>
>>682648785
Is it like how alot of people say where you're trying to get people to do bad shit because you want people to do bad shit, or is that just them using you as a scapegoat?
>>
>>682648763
I did say "usually", there are exceptions.

>>682648869
There are various jobs working for me. And yes, you could alter your appearance if you so chose.

>>682648863
Heaven is wonderful. You can stay there forever or you can choose to be reincarnated. If you find a way to revive people, they will return to Earth, though depending on the process, they might forget the afterlife. You can of course be with your love in heaven. Everyone gets their own personal heaven, so if your idea of heaven is meeting someone and falling in love, you will get that. You are also given the freedom to travel to the heavens of other people, allowing you to be with your earthly loved ones.

>>682649115
Some people make the unwise decisions to wander on Earth without their body. Sometimes those in heaven will temporarily go to Earth as spirits to visit or help someone.

>>682649175
A misunderstanding, really.
>>
>>682648785
Job Hunter!

Sounds like a very creative form of employment.

Does the job come with any perks that aren't generally implied? Do you have a contract? Do you do pension differently when an eternity is a common scope of time?

Also, would awesome, metal oriented tattoos affect my chances of employment?
>>
>>682648818
Nah, i will never forget how he yelled "Not so fast anon!" as i dry rammed my cock inside his rectum, suddenly enlarging his anus to astronomic sizes.
After i was done, that 'plop' sound when i got my dick out was priceless
>>
How did you get the "I like watching you suffer and wanting you to do bad shit" reputation?
>>
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>>682649372
You have a very good gay fantasy but that wasn't me!!!
>>
>>682647968

>I would prefer you figure that out on your own.

Care to explain? i know that it would be more fruitful that way but its not very reassuring to hear that Satan would 'prefer' it

Would i get punished for learning how to see things that werent meant for humans to see?
>>
>>682649348
I don't care about tattoos. If you do your job well, you will go to heaven when you are finished, and if your reason for taking the job was altruistic, you will earn the respect of many of God's angels.

>>682649397
My job causes suffering, and a lot of it. Naturally, people assumed that meant I enjoy suffering. It's understandable.
>>
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>>682649319
Still not zozzle'd
>>
>>682648785
What about the pain you inflicted in yourself?

Like a drug-addict or having regrets about how live the life.
>>
>>682649319
I would NOT want to be reincarnated, NEVER EVER. The "Heaven" as you described sounds so goddamn cool.I'm like ''brb killing myself''

Why are you so nice ?
Also, " Everyone gets their own personal heaven, so if your idea of heaven is meeting someone and falling in love, you will get that" I don't want to create my own heaven when someone falls in love with me...sounds forced (the love part)
>>
What kind of toppings do you like on pizza, as you said you enjoyed it in >>682647619
>>
what's your dankest meme?
>>
>>682649319
why is it unwise to wander earth without a body?
>>
>>682649736
Well he wouldn't be very tempting if he was an asshole, would he?
>>
How old am I Satan?
>>
>>682649868
What if he's lying ?
>>
>>682640967
Give me immortality.
>>
>>682649947
He probably is lying a lot of the time. There's no way to know, right?
>>
>>682649769
Bet he likes cheese pizza

>ba dum tss
>>
>>682649539
Do you really think i could forget those lips?!
Those lips that helped clean my 'glans penis' full of semen and feces after i pulled it out of your ass?!
Oh, no, i am pretty sure that's you my friend.
>>
>>682640967
Do you really have a pitchfork you always carry around with you?
>>
>>682649592
No, so long as you don't use that knowledge to hurt people, the only danger would be to your sanity.

>>682649638
If you regret it, it's no problem. And it is your life, hurting yourself is your choice, so long as doing so does not hurt others.

>>682649736
Suicide usually lands you in Hell for a time, so I would advise against that.

I am nice because I hold a certain fondness for mortals.

And I may have misspoke. In your personal heaven, you could meet someone who is perfect for you. If you don't like the idea of instantly falling in love, it would instead play out like an Earthly relationship providing all of the chances for mistakes and sadness you would have naturally.

>>682649841
Your ability to interact with the world and its people would be limited, and you're going to be stuck there for a good while.

>>682649769
I'll eat pretty much anything. I enjoy plain a lot, and pineapple.

>>682649817
The nice guy Lucifer meme

>>682650011
No

>>682650126
I am being honest, but you are correct, you can't know for sure.
>>
if you punish evil doers for being evil then you aren't that evil, do you agree?
>>
You are such a nice person and I felt bad for leaving the picture unfinished. Here, because you deserve it.
>>
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>>682650168
Okay but i dont remember you
>>
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>>682650208
Will you zozzle me in hell?
>>
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>>682640967
No. I am Satan. Check'em!
>>
>>682650186
I have many, and sometimes I do carry them.

>>682650311
I do not consider myself evil, and I believe God would agree. I was given a job and I perform it to the best of my ability.

>>682650329
You are very sweet, anon, thank you.
>>
Do aliens exist? And is it true that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?
>>
>>682650311
I agree
>>
Can I have trips?
>>
>>682640967
How does it feel to being Amara's bitch? Also, when is Michael going to be freed from the cage?
>>
Do you have any hobbies or things you enjoy doing in your free time?
>>
What do you do about Satanists? Cause you seem like you're on Gods side. Do they go to hell and be punished?
>>
Do you also of a your own copy of "The book of the dead"?

Has Satan ever been in love?
>>
>>682650538
You are so stupid it hurts to read that sentance
>>
>>682650357
Probably it's because of the scopolamine i put in your water, you probably don't remember much from those days.
>>
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>>682650438
...zozzle me!!!
>>
>>682650208
>Suicide usually lands you in Hell for a time, so I would advise against that.

NOT if you take 4 different medication for severe depression like I do :/


>it would instead play out like an Earthly relationship providing all of the chances for mistakes and sadness you would have naturally.

I would rather NOT get hurt...not in there.

Also, some people are like "hurr durr you have hallucinations, ghosts are not real" - Let me tell you that they ARE, we were 3 fucking people who witnessed the same ghost...We were 3 in the car when an old, pale lady waved her hand.We stopped the car, let her come and after a while she said "I feel bad things gonna happen" then she fucking VANISHED !
I still cry everytime I think about it

Do we get bored in Heaven? Because I would NOT want to come to earth again.
Also, do we get our ''bored glans''(if that's a thing) removed so we can't get bored?
I'm pretty sure you can't have sex and nasty things in there but cuddles are enough for me, can I, uhm, talk to god whenever I want there?
Also anything I can do to receive a sign of god, angels and all that holy stuff? Because if I want a sign from you i'd get my pants shat
>>
>>682650422
ayy!!!
>>
Would you mind if I were to include you as a character in a story?
>>
Do you like my new meme?
>>
>>682650670
>sentance
gtfo
>>
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>>682650745
Shitting hurts till today
>>
>>682640967
Hi Satan. How goes it? My only question is why did God create you? I mean really... you torment all of mankind.. his very creation... and God is supposed to know everything... so he KNEW you would be the downfall of humanity so why create you in the first place? It seems like a childish mind game between you and God... like we as human beings are the chess pieces of your childish game... It says in the Bible that you lose the war in the end.. so really, what is the fucking point? Always been curious about that.
>>
>>682649622
Hunter!

Admittedly, I would not consider my reasoning behind wanting this job as altruistic. If anything, you could call it quite selfish. I was born and raised in an Irish family who were devout Romance Catholics, and while I am baptized catholic, my own beliefs made me turn from its teachings. I never did anything to impede the study of it, but I turned from its good implications. I read the satanic bible after this, and a lot of key points in the text struck home for me. Taking this job would be a boon for me, as it would give me a spartan-like responsibility and would keep me in line. The benefit this gives me, however, is that it would open my mother's eyes to the other side of the spectrum. Her son, that she would defy heaven and earth for, working for what she believed was the physical embodiment of evil and sin, and being happy. I believe that this viewpoint would broaden her view on life and how religion should have affected her. I care for my mother more than I care for myself, and seeing her live her life while being so blackhearted and ignorant brings me pain, and I would rather shoulder all of that, and work for you, than let her path to God be impeded.
>>
>>682650642
Yes hell is a prison I'm the warden the more of you fall from grace the better. It just means that I get more company.
>>
Hello satan, I'm the man who believes to be a skeleton from this morning, I decided not to kill myself and live as a fleshling for a bit longer.
>>
What is the best 4chan board?
>>
>>682650208
After I've worked for you, could I come to earth with a human body and remember everything?
>>
>>682640967
why did you create niggers ?
>>
How do people end up in Limbo?
>>
>>682651030
Roman. Roman Catholics.
>>
What if GOD created big bang ?
>>
Does God actually require you to believe in him in order to get into heaven, or is that just bullshit?
>>
>>682651282
>why did you create niggers ?

Are you retarded?
>>
Can you give me sex and drugs and house
>>
Weren't you here earlier you bored red nigger?
>>
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>>682650438
What is the most accurate depiction of yourself you've seen in media, outside the bible or other religious texts?
>>
I'm gonna go somehow send you a brownie now because my aunt has been saying how awful you are and I feel like you don't deserve it.
>>
>>682650422
Impressive. Most impressive.

>>682650409
I doubt it.

>>682650442
Yes, there are many alien civilizations in the universe. Should your race survive long enough, you will meet some of them.

Generally, yes. However, when you force suffering upon others, even to help a larger group of people, you will be made to account for it in the afterlife. Though, if you regret having done it, you will be sent topside.

>>682650538
Not that Satan, anon.

>>682650645
I love God, my fellow angels, and you mortals. Have I ever been in love with a mortal? Yes. And I'm not the only angel who has.

>>682650642
Depends on what kind of Satanists they are. If they just worship me but don't really hurt anyone, then no, they haven't done anything to deserve Hell.

>>682650570
I enjoy the films and plays mortals create. I also find it entertaining just observing you all.

>>682650792
Ghosts do exist.

It is quite difficult to get bored in heaven, as it constantly provides you with whatever will make you happy.

>>682650861
By all means.

>>682650878
Uh...sure, anon.

>>682651030
I can respect your reasoning, anon, and others will as well. And know that your mother loves you, and she acts in the way she believes is right. Do not worry for her, in the end you will all find paradise.

>>682650988
He created me to test you all, to tempt you in the hope of you ignoring and rejecting it so that you can become better than you are.

>>682651079
Glad to hear it.

>>682651129
/pol/ and /tv/ for the memes.

.
>>
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>>682651763
Then zozzle me now!
>>
>>682651141
One of the rules of reincarnation is that you are not allowed to remember previous lives until you die. There are exceptions, but they are rare.

>>682651282
I did not.

>>682651352
Purgatory does not actually exist, the Catholic Church made it up to explain where righteous people of other faiths go after death


>>682651424
He did.

>>682651429
He does not care what your theological beliefs are so long as you are a decent person.

>>682651618
Yes.

>>682651700
Gabriel from Supernatural.

>>682651703
Thank you, anon.
>>
>>682651141
No you're retarded creating life is his work not mine. My only interest is to get you to hell if you can drag as more than that's great I hate humanity. The fact that you think I can give you anything to benefit your pathetic existence is a testament to your own stupidity.
>>
>>682640967
So is Trump your best incarnation so far?
>>
>>682640967
Is it true, that you send Donald Trump tot ruin the lives of everyone?
>>
Can I talk to god whenever I want there? What does he look like ? Does he have a voice ?
Are we full of happiness in there?

Also anything I can do to receive a sign of god, angels and all that holy stuff? Because if I want a sign from you i'd get my pants shat
>>
>>682651973
How does one become the Exception? >>682651141
>>
>mfw even the devil doesn't want to zozzle me
>>
>>682652090
God made him.

>>682652122
I did not.

>>682651990
Belial, please.

>>682652180
You can. He has an infinite number of forms and voices.

Yes, you are.

Perhaps, keep open eyes and an open mind, perhaps you will see a sign.

>>682652232
To be perfectly honest, I do not know. God does not consult with me before making that decision.
>>
>>682640967
pic related or its just a meme that satan is horny and red?
>>
Who's gonna be president of the U.S.A.?
>>
What are your favorite movies?
>>
Do aliens and other life forms go to their own heaven?
Are they advanced enough to know the right answer about heaven/hell ?
>>
I'll just ask the most importnat question of all... did dragons ever exist?
>>
Do you watch anime? If so, whats your favorite anime?
>>
If I end up going to Heaven (which I won't because masturbation is a "sin" and I'll be damned if I don't like jerking it to Riley Reid), since - according to you, I won't be in Hell forever, could I come and visit you? You're an alright dude.
>>
What is your favourite color? Mine is blue
>>
I fap to loli very often. What will happen to me after death?
>>
Okay so masturbation is a sin.
Masturbation can hide SELF HARM issues and MANY MORE !

So, according to bible and such you get in hell (forever?) because you have a mental issue!

That's not cool !
>>
Where are you communicating from currently? Are you using a computer? Can you post a pic with timestamp to prove it is really you?
>>
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>>682652363
What's your favourite football club?
>>
>>682640967
How can I sell you my soul to get what I want?
>>
>>682652464
I can appear in many forms.

>>682652473
I don't want to spoil the surprise.

>>682652567
Star Wars, The Shining, Twelve Angry Men, Holes, Citizen Kane, The Sixth Sense, The Lion King, Spaceballs, and some others

>>682652569
Everyone gets their own personal heaven

Alien civilizations are at many different stages across the universe. Some are aware of the truth, others are not, others are partially aware.

>>682652637
Yes

>>682652798
Yu Yu Hakusho

>>682652825
Masturbation is not a sin. While you are being punishes, you are not permitted to visit me, my apologies.

>>682652846
Red, but I do like blue.

>>682652899
It's just drawings, you'll be fine.
>>
Does Ashley or Anna like me?
>>
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>>682640967
When is the Christian purge gonna start? I'm tired of these bible thumping fucks. Can't wait til you put an end to God and all his faggot angels.
>>
Who is in my house?
>>
>>682653060
>I can appear in many forms.
Could you transform into the devil?
>>
>>682653060
could I come to earth in a body that's not human?
also do aliens have souls, and how are they different from human souls? could a human possibly be reincarnated as an alien?
>>
>>682652982
I am posting from Las Vegas, but am currently in a mortal form.

>>682652975
Masturbation is not a sin.

>>682653042
Go to a crossroads at midnight and focus hard on what you want. If you are sincere about offering your soul, one of my associates will come to you. If you harbor any doubt, however, nobody will come.

I would advise against selling your soul.

>>682653094
What does your heart tell you?

>>682653206
I have no intent to challenge God or harm my brothers and sisters.

>>682653219
Me.

>>682653323
That seems like a trick question.
>>
What does God look like? How do angels communicate?
>>
>>682653206
You realize. What he has been saying this whole time is that hes on Gods side and is friends with him. All he does is punish people and they can get to go to heaven.
>>
>>682640967
What will happen to you when the thread 404 ?
Why no 666 OP post ?
How's your comrade Putin doing ?
Good times in Asia were when ?
Your favorite horror movie ?
>>
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>>682653060
What's your favourite car?
>>
Do animals have souls?
>>
What happened with Aleistet Crowley?
>>
>>682651973
Hunter!

Your words may be concise, but their meaning is infinitely larger. This is not lost on me. This certainty fills me with determination to live out my full life.

Continue to do your job, my lord. It is necessary, and while it is demoralized in the minds of most of humanity, I hope you know that you have at least one small, weak man behind your back. I will come take that job one day, and when I arrive, I would hope that you would teach me about humans. Being one of them, I know how complex and nuanced they can be. I've been...squandering my time on this planet. Hopefully, something causes me to understand that someday, and gets the ball rolling. That being said, I sincerely await the day that I meet you in person.

One last thing, what is the significance of the Brimstone symbol? In its base form, I'd like to know all that it encompasses.
>>
who is/was the most elite satanist have u ever known?
>>
Are you Satan or just the Fallen Angel Lucifer?
>>
>>682653540
I'm pretty sure not.
I'm pretty sure when you get in Heaven you can ''summon'' your Earthly pet.
It's sad that pets don't have souls but I'm sure that's because every human ''ressurected and/or summoned'' their pets while on earth.
Not satan here btw
>>
Did DOOMGuy really kill the spider mastermind? And how did he even get to you?
>>
>be me, 19
>depressed as fuck with social anxiety
>gets hospitalized
>i get out, meet this 29 years old handsome man
>i become his boyfriend, everything is so nice in my life
>he's my only reason to live(it's sad i know but aren't we all?)
>fast forward i thank god I met him.
>he's becoming cold, distant, would tell me to find someone else, suspicious, would ignore me, wouldn't car if we break up
>starts hitting me at his house, car, public, everywhere
>istilllovehim.mfw
>he wants to break up for no reason at all
>i am left heartbroken, he friendzones me
>fall into depression again
>meds stop working
>i tell him I'll kill myself because the damage he did to me
>i fake my own death
>find out later he suicide too because he couldn't stand the fact that I killed myself because of him
>i cry everyday and plan my own death
>doctor appointment,cry there and tell him nothing bad happened to me just depression
>he prescribes me 5 kind of different medication

Am I going to Hell for this ?
>>
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>>682653394
Why would you not overthrow God? He banished you and your followers the a black and fiery abyss. All for not bowing to his "power" for the simple fact that it's expected. Why would you let him continue to force everyone to bow to him or face damnation. If anything you were the hero in all this shit. Kill that fucker then do with the angels as you wish. But God must be overthrown and punished for allowing humanity to fall so low.
>>
>>682653749
>not Satan
Than don't speak for him, ya plebian
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