Roommate stories.
Tell us why your roommate is/was a total dumbass.
>>679616220
I got a CL roommate in his 60's who can't cook anything but microwave food. Every time he tries to make actual food, it's a disaster
>Be yesterday afternoon
>asleep since I work nights
>wake up, smell smoke
>go check to make sure house isn't burning down
>so much smoke, can barely see
>dumbass roommate has huge fan set up on kitchen counter, blowing smoke around the house
>no windows open, just spreading smoke around
wtfareyoudoing.tif
>"french fries got away from me"
>dumbass cooks french fries in skillet
>has attention span of a housefly
>leaves pan on full heat to go check craigslist for stupid shit
>utterly obsessed with looking at shit on craigslist
God damn it, I hate him so much sometimes...
>>679617084
I got more of him:
>Thinks he's going to be a handyman
>always bragging to the neighbors about how he used to fix up houses
>between 7 or 12 houses, depending on who he's talking to, I guess
>has absolutely no talent or skill at fixing/building anything
>doesn't know basic carpentry skills, like sanding anything
>rough-cut boards held together with those shitty self-tapping screws used for metal
>he uses self-tapping screws for everything, small threads pull out of stuff all the damn time
>shelves literally falling off the walls, because self-tappers pulled out of the drywall, and he didn't bother finding a stud.
>now he thinks people are going to pay for him to fuck up their homes...
>>679617974
>Works part-time now as a nurse
>used to work full time, but got laid off
>still perceived as a medical professional
>doesn't use soap to wash the dishes
>Doesn't wash the backs of plates at all
>just a nasty sponge and tepid water
>I finally broke down and bought my own damn plates, because I'm sick of having to rewash all of his shit. I hope he poisons himself.
i wake up and my roommate is just in my room
....all the time
> me
> freshman
> dorms
> chinese exchange roommate
> literally up all night playing wow
> nonstop NIGGHA (it means some shit in chinkese)
> cooks eggs in an electric tea kettle
> half eaten eggs all over dorm
> washes clothes in sink
> pees in drain in floor, instead of using toilet
That was all weird and obnoxious but i drowned most of it out.
But then the packages started coming
> starts getting ton of packages
> super secretive of packages, wont open them when im around
> one day im in bathroom, he doesnt know im there
> he starts opening package
> i come out
> fat ball of opim the size of a fucking tennis ball
>>679618706
and thennn???
>>679618880
what the fuck do you mean and then? That day I tried opium.
>>679619160
thank you
>>679618880
> he awkwardly stuffs it back in the box and mumbles something about his mom sending him a "traditional chinese incense"
> me: yeah right whatever, i gotta go to class
> ignore it because lol
about a month and a half later, sitting in bed with a girl, doing dumb freshman flirting shit.
> knock on door
> open door
> ra
> asks to speak to chingchong
> chingchong goes with him
> doesnt come back
> later campus PD comes and starts gathering chingchongs stuff
ask wtf happen
> chingchong was arrested, will be deported, and the chinese will deal with him
turns out he was setting up shipments on WoW with other gooks, and then chink gangsters in the US would pick em up from him and distribut them.
Its how he was paying to go to school.
>>679618428
My neighbors hate him almost as much as I do:
>Ripped up the yard last summer
>something about how he thought the grass wasn't growing like it should
>Hired some hillbilly retards to come over with a big tiller and tear it all out
>didn't wet ground first
>didn't tell neighbors at all
>Dust fucking everywhere
>all over the next door neighbors' pool
>Neighbor made him pay to have it cleaned out
>all the neighbors on our block hate him now (or at least more than before). Most of them had their windows open that day too.
>turned most of the side yard to gravel
>Was going to turn entire back yard to gravel too
>didn't
>Lost interest, or something
>Back yard is just dirt clods now
>>679619160
cool story, /b/ruh
>>679616220
I let my uncle move in because he's a failure and no one wants him around. He's a fucking slob. Eats absolutely everything. I spend $300 on groceries just so I can fucking starve because of his fatass. This mother fucker ate 3 pizzas to himself in one sitting. Whole pizzas. He doesnt clean for shit, he shits and pisses all over the toilet in the main bathroom. I just found out he's a legit fag, this guy actually likes dick. He'll walk around the house covering himself with a washcloth.. I lasted about a month and him and I got into it and I had to kick his ass. I punched him in the stomach and it sounded like he shit himself. Probably because of faget loose asshole. Currently living by myself again and it's wonderful
> be me
> have girlfriend
> we move into cheap house full of grad students because
> one dude is cool, wheelchair bro
> other dude is pretty ok, always high though, no idea what he does for living
> third dude is always drunk as fuck, sells copper or something
> house is ok, hot as fuck in summer but chill in fall and spring
> had to move out because the house was condemned, wasnt structurally sound
> rip cheap rent house
Thick suicidal bitch who said she was going to move out months ago, passive agressive as fuck and is super lazy.
>>679619302
>turns out he was setting up shipments on WoW with other gooks, and then chink gangsters in the US would pick em up from him and distribut them.
That's some Triads shit.
>>679619302
R.A. is residential assistant for those who only leave the basement to pick up their insulin and restock their mountain dew cache.
>>679619302
>chinese will deal with him
They don't fuck around with drug dealers in China. China gives the death penalty for drug offenses.
>>679619586
Yeah, when i found out that shit i was like "fuck, glad i was chill with him and shit"
>>679619346
Pic of backyard?
>>679619674
I felt a bit bad about that. The kid was a doofus, but hell, he seemed nice enough
>>679619617
Or who don't live in the fuckin' US, you ignorant asshole
>>679619769
We got a live one. How large is your insulin dosage?
I don't have much of one, but here goes:
>live in college with two roommates in a suite
>one is Paki Muslim dude, one is American
>paki turns out to be chill and awesome, we become decent friends
>uses plant watering can after shitting instead of toilet paper, but I ignore the watering can in the bathroom
>doesn't mind my terrorist jokes
>lots of philosophy/religion conversations at 4 AM
>mfw have only seen other roommate twice
>all he does is swear at his computer
>I think it's CS:GO
>occasionally his gf is over and they get it on
>I've seen her more than him, solid 8/10
>he's a colossal douche if his CS swearing and occasional phone conversations are anything to go by
>pisses all over toilet, cooks food in microwave and doesn't clean it up, general slob
>met his mother on move in day, she was nice but clearly used to doing everything for son
>tfw room mate is entitled turd
That's about it.
@679619853
Eat dick faget
>>679619948
Wtf this isn't twitter dumbass
My first roommate (he was 35, I was 18, found him when I left my parent's house through an ad in the papers) used to buy small tropical birds and let them fly freely in the apartment. I eventually found out that when they died, he would wrap them in tissues, put that in a grocery plastic bag and then put everything in the freezer, along with our food.
Shit was nasty.
>>679619689
I never took a picture of it, because it's annoying.
If this thread is still up in 6 more hours when I get off work, I'll take one then.
The entire back yard has been overrun with moles, so you can't walk on it without your feet sinking up to your ankles...
>>679616220
By roommate you mean gay boyfriend?
@679620084
Fuk you 2
>>679619937
So pretty much he has a far better life than you & all you have to look forward to is when his girfriend comes over so you can wank yourself stupid listening to them go at it
>>679620155
lol that just means you have a gay boyfriend you fucking idiot.
>>679616220
>live in halls
>have autistic German kid living next to me
> always knew something was off about this dude but didn't figure it out til about halfway through the first year
Anyway
> this kid didn't wash his own dishes or cutlery at all
>he would make burgers all the time and straight after everything would go back in his cupboard
>also reused the same tea bags for a month at a time
This guys cupboard smelt awful and not only was his cupboard next to mine his room was
>he didn't throw out anything that wasn't finished no matter the sell by date
>I used to hang around him a bit but he would constantly ask for food
Right at the end he was asking if I wanted to buy him a pizza
It got so much worse after this though
I was standing right behind my roomie when he accidentally shot his .45 off in the house
>>679620260
What happened?
Also, sounds awful.
>>679618706
nigga in chinese means umm.
>move across country with best friend
>live in shithole apartment with angry white trash under us
>eventually move to slightly better townhome style apartment
>friends gf moves in with us
>they never cleaned. ever
>left for a week, come back and bathroom was horrendous. used band aids in the tub, drains clogged by hair, shitstreaks everywhere
>whole apartment like that if i dont clean
>they also never do dishes (no dishwasher here)
>decided to see how long they go without washing
>turns out to be 8 days; dishes were getting stacked up on the counter
I left for basic training and they moved out halfway through when our lease ended and went month to month. He left tons of food in the cabinets and fridge, there was a kiwi that was 8 months old by the time I got back. Whole place was just trashed, anything of his he didnt want he just left when he and his GF moved back to texas. He was my best friend and I haven't talked to him in over a year. Got back home and saw the wreck he left me and I don't particularly feel like talking to him
>>679619689
this please
>>679619617
>>679619853
Type 1 diabetes has nothing to do with obesity. What you're referring to is type 2 diabetes, which is caused by obesity, metabolic syndrome, and/or genetic predispositions for the obesity and metabolic syndrome. Type 2 diabetics rarely need prescription insulin because their bodies actually produce enough insulin, they just can't absorb it because of extra fat layers and their metabolic problems. Type 2 diabetics usually just use pills unlike type 1 diabetics who actually need to use subcutaneous insulin because their immune system is overreactive and is attacking their pancreas cells because of an autoimmunity trigger.
>tl;dr you're a moron
>>679616220
Do wives count?
>>679620260
>It got so much worse after this though
Dont leave us hanging nigguh
Firs house I moved out into was lush, about 8 people living in a 3 story dilapidated house. Everyone worked but me, I was a student. Used to go through the 5 girls rooms all the time, found countless dildos, nudes on computers, drugs etc.
Was lols.
>>679620386
Here's my backyard
>>679620442
no you didnt you fucking faggot you watched animal house while you jerked off into a shampoo bottle and cried at having to go to community college
>>679620442
Dorian?
Anybody have stories of having sex with their roommates?
>>679620570
whatever dude enjoy your mountain dew whatever your moms cooking you for dinner kek
>>679620572
nope, Lydian
>>679620140
nigga youre off work now, and I have to go to sleep in 5 minutes.
Are you really going to make me go to sleep without a smile?
>>679620666
hit a nerve there eh spergo?
>>679620184
>typical college nonsense.
You can literally be a 9/10 super warrior with excellent cardio and a six pack but bitches will always date the selft entitled awkward ass loser.
I dunno man thats why i dropped out that bitch. And i still cardio my ass off to this day....
Prob join the marines or some shit.
>>679620384
Some of the shit he left behind that I had to throw out
>a shitty tv stand
>a shitty table
>a metric fuckload of condiments/hot sauce/soy sauce
>tons of female soaps and shampoo and conditioners.
>fucking enema kit for their buttsex
>a moldy kiwi
>half eaten bags of candy
>a half full trash can
>shitstreaks in the toilet
>bathroom counter so coated in toothpaste dribble that it was blue
>broken screen on main bedroom window
Goes on and on.
Oh the best part, when his gf moved in, he thought that I would continue to pay my half of the rent, and that he and his gf would split his half. When I said no, he got confrontational and asked "why i was trying to screw him."
I live in a really nice apartment with some girl I work with. She's a little dramatic and tells me about things I don't care about, but shes clean and decorated the place all nice,
>>679620570
bringin the bantz
>>679620732
nope! but I clearly hurt your feelings as you responded like such a faggot lol
>>679620572
Ionian? Corinthian? Attic? Tuscan?
>>679620387
Nice googling queer but unlike you I actually get sunlight and have met my share of hambeasts with acquired diabetes that pop pills and shoot up due to being fat fucks.
>>679617084
>>679617974
this made me sad more than anything
poor guy
>>679620810
Or maybe I'm a doctor, you retard.
>>679619948
lurk moar newfag.
>My childhhod bro
>has me pay full rent Cuz he aint got shit
>feeling pissed I confront him
>he apologizes and promises to make it up to me
>brings a girl over one weekend
>she is so drunk she passes out instantly
>offers me her body
>fuck her ass till I cum
>he fucks her pussy
>next day shes all mad but he takes full blame
>somehow convinces her to have a threesome with me
>we dp her I cum in her ass again
>over the period of us renting together they are dating but sex usyally involves me
>I was free to fuck her whenever I wanted and she was submissive to the idea
>always fuck her ass
>I move out at some point cuz finished school
>they break up
>why?
>she was just my payment to you
>tfw he went through all that just to make me happy
>>679620785
but…you didnt
>year was 2000
>had a polaroid camera
>they weren't being made at the time
>couldn't find more film
>was when the internet was shitty
>roomie takes 57 dick pics
God damnit.... it's funny now that I think about it.
>>679620810
>still implying type 1 diabetes has anything to do with obesity
Keep going, I'm waiting for you to go full retard. You retards always do after getting rekt.
disgonbgud.gif
>>679620886
cringe.jpeg
>first year at uni
>all flatmates are cool
>one is a complete twat with a supiriority complex
>stays up till 4 everynight playing wow and shouting into the mic
>fucking gaming rig sucks up all the internet
>one night i flip the breakers to turn his shit off amd make it shut the fuck up
>lol wiped his HDD when i did
>on last day when were all leaving trash all his shit in the kitchen when hes not there and then left
>never saw him again thank god
>>679620881
That's called a best friend
>>679619302
lol he got executed
>>679620442
this is faker than that faggot who claimed his dad worked for microsoft
>>679620872
I've already contributed ya fuck
>>679620564
do you live in siberia?
>>679619346
>Has yellow fever to creepy levels
>if he's not lurking CL, he's on some asian dating website
>60 year old dude creeping on 20 year olds
>panic & minimize whenever I walk by
>constantly getting scammed
>sending girls money for plane tickets to come live in his room
>wut
>I've found western union receipts showing him sending money all over the world
>inb4 catfish him
>>679621001
sounds kinda reasonable to me
>>679620442
>>679621103
samefagging this hard
>>679620810
>Nice googling
What kind of moron mocks the act of looking for true information.
>the kind of moron that doesn't even realize he's completely ignorant
>>679620752
Lol, he and I are currently locked in the most petty bit of passive aggressive idiocy imaginable. He refused to change the toilet paper rolls after using them, I'm not his maid so I'm not either, and thus the tp hasn't gotten onto the holder all semester.
>>679621168
lol nope, just sounds like something that could easily happen... you jelly of some fag going through chicks rooms or?
>>679620920
My sides.
>>679620322
neat
>>679621302
tbh dude going through other chicks rooms when you arent fucking them sounds pretty autismo, i'm afraid i'm going to have to agree with the otheranon
>>679616220
>I'm afraid I am the roommate storys.
>>679620881
That called a hapry enring...
>>679616220 (OP)
>Roommate is close to done with probation
>2 meetings left until he's off it
>Smokes until he is green txt
>1 week later has a probation meeting
>Finds out he has to take a drug test
>Takes a handful of herbal supplements and starts chugging vinegar
>Not too long later, he randomly turned red and started sweating
>Says 'dude I don't feel so good, I need you to take me to the hospital'
>I tell him to chill the fuck out but he's already pulled his shirt halfway off and starts stumbling out the apartment door to the staircase
>Makes it down 2 steps before busting ass down the rest
>Had to get stitches
>Somehow passed his test at the probation meeting
>The stupid are truly the chosen ones who will inherit the earth
>>679619948
Fucking @
Gtfo fucking normie
>>679621397
not denying that, just saying it's definitely not unreasonable to believe it happened
>>679621090
>catfish him
you allready know what needs to be done.
Go get your payment for all the stress hes caused you.
>>679621051
Haha no dude I live in California
>>679620730
Sorry, I'm stuck here till 8am pst...
>>679621509
It probably happened, but its pretty pathetic if it did. not really a "greatest roommate stories" but more of the shit i'd expect on r9k
@679621464
Fuk off I'm far from normal I can shoot a kiwi from 20 feet away
>>679620260
>a couple months into uni and I'm adamant this kid had stopped showering and didn't do laundry
Always wore the same clothes and stank like shit
>as soon as this started happening I stopped hanging around him altogether
I'm going to preface this part by explaining I have my own shower attatched to my bedroom and it has a ventilation system that connects all the rooms on my side
I also have a radiator that does this
>the radiator pipe is always on full blast
This annoyed the shit out of me because the actual radiator was off but the pipe made the room fucking fire
>so after a month or two not having seen this kid at all
>strange smell starts coming through the vents
>putrid odour I've smelt before
>smells like the fucking stench of death coming through from this kids room to mine
>Holyshitanhero.gif
>knock on this kids door
>please say this kid is still alive
I haven't seen this guy In ages at this point
>he answers the door
>looks awful
This guy was in his early twenties and looked nearly thirty, long unwashed hair and nails, skinny as shit and the smell of a rotten carcass wafted from his room
Cont?
>>679620387
I bet you inject 4 times a day and your gut is so huge you can't even clap your hands together so your mom gives you shots.
>>679620730
>>679621549
Here, if this helps; Imagine this pic, just smaller and in a back yard with gravel around the edges.
>>679621090
>western union receipts
for how much money?
>>679621523
does that part of california have snow this late all the time or is that just a fluke?
>>679621549
that sucks, thanks for showing me you arnt just being a bitch. You have my condolences, night shift can suck.
work security?
>>679621689
>still showing how stupid you are
Keep going, I'm sure you're dumber than that.
>>679621686
hell yeah continue
>>679621686
Definitely continue.
>>679620442
lol loser, i bet your chad roommates were pounding all those pussies and laughing at you smelling their panties
>2016
>having a room mate
Yeah i never had a room mate, on the grounds that i can afford to have my own room and i'm not 10.
>>679621794
I appreciate the effort but it isn't the same without the soul of misery
4chan has ruined me, I now have a refined taste for the lulz :(
>>679622057
>i'm not 10
lolwut
>>679621836
>I've seen one to spain for around $600, and one other one for about a grand...
>The one to spain came back to him, because a different person tried to pick it up.
>>679621884
Nah, hotel night audit.
>>679621884
Still snow. This was taken back in February
>>679616220
>live in a modern civilized country
>not forced to share a room with random strangers
i dont have any.
>>679622171
damnnnn
>>679622214
nice. I like mountains and shit.
so under that is just a bunch of dirt clots? Im pissed now.
>>679622214
That looks really pretty. Where in California are you? Looks totally different from how I imagined it.
>>679622287
>>live in a modern civilized country
>>not forced to share a room with random stran
you mean mexico, where every person has their own cardboard box?
>rent house with 2 dudes
>one guy is cool, other guy is a fucktard
>he leaves plates, food and crumbs everywhere, which attracted like 50 mice. took forever to kill them all.
>would routinely open up every window to air out the house, then go out, leaving the house open for burglary.
>had friends over listening to heavy metal loud as fuck on work nights.
>would get drunk all the time and pass out with his stereo blaring. had to go into his bedroom to turn it off. faggot was asleep naked on his bed, with all the windows open of course.
>he ran over a rock near the end of the driveway and ripped off his exhaust. tried to blame me for some reason, like it's my fault he can't drive.
>gets into fight with girlfriend and locks himself in bedroom, threatening to kill himself. cops had to come and take him away. of course, this was a work night and ruined my sleep again.
>finally kick him out. he refuses to leave. me and friend agree to not talk to him or even look at him. takes him a month, but he finally gets the clue and leaves. He won't remove all his shit, so we just throw it outside.
>faggot still wants to be friends years later, constantly friend requests me on FB. KEK
>>679622287
fucking this. Sharing a room is for prisoners and Americans who, for some reason, can afford college, but can't afford a single room like the rest of the world.
>>679618428
Bro the dish washer does the cleaning
>>679622162
>>679621903
You fucking aspies, don't forget to inject, it's getting awfuly close to your 3rd shot time by now. Maybe mom can whip up some of those diabetes recipes on that page while you "fix" her computer from all the stupid malware.
>>679620387
>>679622551
>>679622557
Samefagmoron
>>679616220
Because he told everybody, including me, I was the dumbass.
I payed the bills on time, was tidy, didnt make a mess, was considerate with his lifestyle. Basically a normal functioning adult.
He couldnt keep the flat clean, he couldnt pay his part of the bills most of the time and was basically the average robot with huge issues.
He was the kind of guy who told me I should try to clean the kitchen, because I never seem to clean anything. while doing the dishes in the sink.
He died while taking a walk and slipping over a wet turd.
The piece of shit was more useful than my roommate was
>>679616220
he set fire to the house :(
>>679616220
>be 23
> got my first apartment
> weird arrangement where you wanted a roommate you either had to give the manager his name and go through an interview process or if you had no one in mind you could tell him you were looking for a roomie and he would do get one for you
> fuck it i know no one at this point so do second option
>cut to meeting jason
> now i want you to imagine the fattest fuck that can still walk of his own free will, now double how fat he looks and you have jason
> well maybe hes a cool guy. decide to give it a shot
> first night together, hey lets order some chinese
> he orders about forty dollars worht of food, of all varieties and proceeds to dump them in a large mixing bowl,food enough to probably feed me for a food, and im not exactly skinny myself
> well whatever hes a landwhale already figured that
>next day go to kitchen, find my milk, eggs, and other refrigerated food sitting in the sink room tempature for several hours at least
> wtf?.jpeg
> im not rich, why i needed a roommate wasting food is not cool
> open fridge, full of his shit, really expensive food and lots of it
> after five minutes of ranting and slamming drawers. i sit down with some cereal
> he comes waddling into kitchen without a shirt on. nearly lost my lunch at the sight of it
> sees his fancy milk is open
> turns around and glares at me
> continue eating
> tells me to not eat his food
> calmly tell him i wouldnt if he didnt take all my food out of the fridge and waste it.
> gets huffy, glares at me as he takes out a marker frm a drawer and starts to write his name on everything in the fridge
>stomps off to his room, those poor people downstairs probably thought there was an earthquake
> get myself another bowl because fuck him
> go out and buy more refrigerated food, and rearrange the fridge so they both fit ( not even that hard, literally would have taken him minimal effort)
first strike
ill continue the ballad of fat jason in a moment
>>679622479
I don't think you think of roommate in the same way we Americunts do. Normally 'room mate' is more like what you would call a 'flat mate'.
>>679622303
There's actually a river right in front of me on the last pic, it's a pretty nice valley in the summer. Winter was definitely extended this year though. Luckily for me I have a place in the mountains and on the beach
>>679622312
Currently in Ventura but pics are from near sequioa national forrest
>>679622694
yayyyyyyyyy moar
>be me
>be 20
>flatting entitled fuckhead
>he asks to borrow my 4x4
>begrudgingly let him use it
>he says he'll fill it up
>fast forward 2 days
>fuckhead bring back 4x4
>its fucked
>my baby is kill
>fuckhead says
>"Well its not that bad, ill fix it"
>He put petrol in a diesel and then ran it for 2 days
>not to mention the bonnet was fucked
>fuckhead has audacity to say
>"well it was a piece of shit anyway"
>punch fucker right in the ribs and nose
>knockout
>mfw he owes me nearly 8 grand
>mfw when i truly realize my baby is truly kill
>snowboard instructor
>aussie snow season live with bros and bros gf
> bros gf is cunt to us. Best bro moves out
> be sad
> other bro moves out
> white aussie girl moves in cos her n bf broken up shes hot get in well
> thai chick woth no english ask to move in.
> thai chick os filthy and useless
> never cleans piles rubbish up in bin jenga
>knocks down bin jenga is forced to clean
> nerly burns down our house one night
> element heater to close to bed. Catches on fire doesnt wake us. Stands there as room burns
> i awake to fire alarm
> put put fire
> she starts sleeping in white chicks room
> white chick sleeps with me now
> winning
![2760615769_b230b657cb[2].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/YajuS3u.jpg "2760615769_b230b657cb[2].jpg")
>live with two roomies in an apartment
>first one is chill and normal
>goes out, works, has hobbies, cleans up etc
>other roomie is batshit insane
>always going on about how people wronged him in the past
>has huge oneitis over 3 bitches, been hearing those names for the last 6 months over and over
>can't hold a job for over 2 months before being kicked out
>stays up late at night, mumbling and walking around, laughing to himself in the dark in his underwear
>always going on about how he's going to make it one day
>not a single friend of mine likes him
>he's always nagging me to take him out, but he scares away everyone by acting like a whacko
>even turns up on parties he knows I'm at randomly
>to top it off, is a complete moocher
>eats my food, smokes my tobacco, acts like the living room is his own room
>can never get out of my room without him noticing and bothering me
>can't invite friends or grills because I have this troll permanently fagging up my living place
I wish he'd just kill himself already
>>679622303
>>679622312
I get to go back and forth between mountains or this
>>679622509
you mean the girlfriend?
>>679621090
>Has tons of inconsistent stories about being in Vietnam
>Was a medic in the Navy
>One story is that he never go off the carrier he was on
>Told my neighbor about how he was on the front lines, carrying the huge radio backpack, along with his medical gear, and carrying and AK-47 or some shit...
>Also says he was in the marines (I think)
>went out of Navy, straight into Marines, skipped Marine boot camp and training.
>his claimed pay grade wasn't possible for the amount of time he was in service
>Can't remember his military ID number
>"lost" his DD-214
My next door neighbor, who was a Navy explosives diver in Vietnam, has called bullshit on every one of his stories at this point, and is about to start accusing him of stolen valor.
>>679623202
beaches dont really do it for me.
Can you show me more mountains and play with my nipples a bit?
>>679622740
Yeah, I wish we had a different term.
I guess 'housemate' works...
>>679621686
>dude invites me in
>ok lol, I'm up to see some squalor
>the room is completely fucking empty
>there was a bed without sheets, a bag filled with dirty clothes I guess he used as a potluck to determine the days outfit, and a laptop
>how the fuck does it smells so vehemently awful in this room?
>his room was fucking baking hot though
>realise this guy has had his radiators on all year
>he asks if I know how to turn the radiator down
There was a giant switch on the radiator, like excessively large and his was on full God damm blast
>I literally just point to it
>he goes to turn it down and literally breaks the switch off
Not only did he not even notice this thing he literally broke it off
>I start laughing, I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help it at this point
>he looks absolutely shaken
>looks at his hands with the broken radiator switch I'm them like he murdered a puppy and just realised
>looks at the switch and asks if I can fix it
>"no way dude, that thing is broken forever" I flat out lie
>I go to open his blinds so I can open the window in his room
>"NO"
>this kid doesn't want his Windows touched
I said just let some of the heat (stench) out through the window
>he was furious I would even suggest such an idea
That's when it clicked
This autistic German man had literally been living like a baked potato
>the room was sweaty levels of heat, proper uncomfortable Plains of Africa shit
>he hadn't had his Windows or blinds open since he moved in
I was likely breathing some of the most stale air known to man
>he was cooking himself alive and I could smell it next door
I have one more story of this guy and one about a literally crazy person who also lived next to me at the same time
>>679623465
Housemate is what they are usually called I guess
>>679622694
already not off to a great start but after the first couple of days we reached a routine, i started working nights so i slept during the day and he during the night, so we never had to interact
> about two weeks later my uncle moved and gave me his prized La-Z-Boy recliner
> nice chair wouldnt let anyone sit in it besides me once or twice, have wanted it as long as ive known him
> set it up in front room
> jason comes home in time for me to ask him as nice as possible to please not sit in it, its special to me.
> i get home that morning, seat is deflated like someone has been sitting in it, someone like fat jason
> motherfucker, i have no proof. but when i sit in it there is no gently comforting support like there usually is, see what looks like expensive orange marmalude smeared lightly on one side
> put the legs up, it comes halfway up and catches like the gears were under enormous pressure and are now ruined
> that motherfucker ruined my chair
> pull it into my small room, have to fenagle the door open from now on but whatever
strike fucking two
> one day power knock on door,
> manager somehow i had miscounted and was a bit short on my rent money i slippedi n his mailslot
> no big go to my hidey hole of money
> all gone, fucking note in its place, had to get some pizza. was short hope you dont mind, J
> there was 80 dollars in there,
> i explode come out of room and jason is standing there snickering with landlord.
> both shutup when i enter
> motherfucker is talking about me behind my back
> explain to landlord that jason used my immediate savings to buy himself food and if he could wait i would go to bank and get the rest
> fat asshole:dont worry about it anon, ill cover it, you should really be more carefule with your money
> wanted to murder hiim right fucking there
>>679623259
>catfish/cl scam captain faggot
>get a bunch of western union money
>take most for yourself
>pay off navy neighbor to "break in" house and beat the shit out of captain faggot
>bullshit story about shit
>repeat process as many times as you want
>>679623552
It just sounds weird to me, I'm used to saying 'roommate'
>>679623413
Lol sure thing anon. It's always best to take a grill to the mountains
>>679623714
na taking .99c tacos are much better
>move to the big city from small town to go to college
>End up in a nice apartment with 3 other roomates 2 to a room
>Bunkmate is total bro and gets me into shit tons of trouble and basically takes me under his wing
>Leaves after about 5 months and get new bunkmate
>Dude watches movies and loudly commentates on them when im trying to sleep in our shared room
>I'm sloppy but i clean up after myself and this dude keeps throwing away important shit of mine to make room in our shared closet
>throws away my box full of personal info such as birth certificate and social
>had to dig through piles of garbage to find it
>ended up leaving the nice place because of him
>later found out he got shot by an exbf of his
>>679619478
nice
>>679623818
Yeah but you gotta eat em all or let them freeze in the bear box. No storing foods with extra smell goods in the house
>>679623583
moar
and did you ever get any kind of revenge? i'm not sure if i would have lost my shit on him right then, or make it more methodical
>>679623902
Here's another. Saw lots of bear prints on this particular morning so we got tf out
>>679617974
Seems like he doesn't have it together. That's depressing man ...
>>679623902
Shit I replied to the wrong nig. But yeah anon it is nice. Couldn't stand my uncle
>>679624102
do you own this land or is it like park land or something?
>>679623158
some others things he has done to piss me off so far:
>set the balcony on fire by throwing a cigarette butt in trashbag
>get woken up by panicking neighbours banging on my wall, followed by cops and firefighters
>eaten pretty much all of my pasta, rice, sauces, ...
>insists he should have the right to eat my stuff if it's about to pass expire date
>scaring away my friend by always coming in my room and wanting to include himself (like fuck off dude get your own friends, they're here for me not you)
>not paying bills in time
>outright lying
>eating all of the shared food even if I paid for half of it and cooked it my myself
>the day I moved in he gone and fucked off on purpose so he shouldn't have to help
>first day I slept in the couch, in the morning I could feel him standing over me and watching me for minutes
>he's broken a shitload of my stuff, never apologises
>uses my soap, furniture, comes in my room without knocking
>room smells rancid like fermenting sweaty clothes, stinking up the whole place
honestly every day I want to punch him in the face. Counting down the days until I can leave and never have to see him again. Funny thing is he's been my "friend" for almost 10yrs, and people always found him odd. I thought he was just misunderstood but from living with him I've concluded he's not only batshit insane, he's also a fucking asshole
I told him a month ago to wash the floor and clean up after him and he still hasn't.
He's lazy as fuck, leaves shitstains on the toilet and blames me for it.
I'm going to have him legally expelled form my flat soon.
>>679624014
Being a NZ fag i don't have to deal with bears, only Maoris which are worse
>>679624415
Fucking maoris. Much respect m8
>>679624415
you could always give them back their island and fuck off back to england.. just a thought.
also consider the following,
Because you moved into their home and changed (trashed) the place, you are the bad room mate.
>>679624268
lock your door?
>>679620790
underrated post
>>679622948
dumbass
>>679624579
yeah been doing that recently. I even go as far as covering the keyhole with a scarf because I know he looks trough it
> be me
> quit job to make music
> shit. Cant afford bills by myself with my savings
> ask band member to move in
> all good for first month
> then first the smell from his room
> i think no biggy. Probably a once off thing...
> room keeps getting messier and messier with crusty socks and clothes all over
> roommate doesnt clean anymore
> never buys food and steals my tobacco
> only have one shower in my room that we both use...pubes everywhere...everytime he uses it
> started growing weed olants and having dodgy people over and serving up dinners for everyone like its his own food
> i think its ok. Need the rent money from him or be homeless bum
> one day, roommate brings out plastic bag full of socks while im doing my laundy
> "hey anon...can i throw these in with your stuff...you know to save on costs..."
> i know what horrible nightmate fuel things were done to the socks...
> be me "hell fucking no"
> things start getting weird between us due to resentment of not saying anything about the mess..dont want to be street bum
> start getting more and more annoyed with things dissapearing
> finally broke down one day and said fuck it and moved back home
> joined up with new band member
> still not a rock star
> best decision ever made
>>679623583
Were you done with jason stories?
I want to go to bed, but I want more jason stories more.
>>679624578
Na they ate the original natives and took there land
and then they get get pissy when the white man arrives
>>679624266
It's park land. It's ok though because it's pretty much my backyard. The only thing is that during the summer I get s heap of shit from park rangers about keeping up my land because of fire risk and shit
>>679622948
>>He put petrol in a diesel and then ran it for 2 days
as a fellow dieselfag I am so, so, so sorry.
that happened to another friend of mine in his powerstroke, the dumbass who borrowed it cracked the fucking block and ruined the heads, fuel system, all of it.
>>679623583
> manager and jason smile and laughing
> i go back to my room
> when i hear landlord leave i enter from room
>we need to talk now
> do we?
> i was such a beta back then, just leave my stuff alone ok? my money especially
>ok anon whatever, hear him saying in loud whisper as he closes his bedroom door, maybe if you were better with money you could pay your half of the rent
> furious mode engaged
> go on /b/ an shitpost about him for a couple hours to make myself feel better ( several years ago, some anons might even remember though i doubt it)
> i feel better afterwords, i may or not have been a little bitch and spit in his cucumber water, and go back to our routine
> one day i hear a loud crash from his room, go knock on his door, oh god please let him be dead so i can laugh as he gets taken away by a crane
> fucker was so big his bed gave out, frame just cracked right in two
> asks me to help him up, i walk away
> come back from work the next day, thats odd bedroom door was locked i thought
> find fucking crumbs in my bed
> oh hell no
> set up webcam to record
> go to work,
> check it the next day, sure enough he unlocks my door with a spare key ( found later he asked the manager for a copy of my room key in case of emergency)
> lays down on my bed in his struggling to remain knitte size double whale underwear and nothing else, with a fucking pie, a whole fucking pie
> proceeds to eat the pie while playing on his phone and sleep in my bed
> confront him with this shit
> says its my fault for not offering my bed in the first place
> FUCKING WHAT!!!!!
that was the final straw
i took a loan from my parents and paid off the two remaining months on my lease
> fat jason went through every one of my boxes that i packed making sure i didnt take any of his shit
> and get this, he left his room unlocked, two nights before i moved out, went in there and found several of my towels, some dvds, and controller for my tv, which he claimed he broke and threw out
>>679618443
Get a lock
>>679624777
It still hurts, also checked
>>679624724
>Na they ate the original natives and took there land
lol.. malaysia.
ok I believe it.
>>679623492
fuck yeah man
more stories
>>679624647
Is your house from 1920? Who has old skeleton keyholes anymore?
>>679624931
1970 and yeah it's pretty shitty. Would be a whole lot better if I wasn't living with a troll tho
When I started uni I cound't get an apartment, so I had to rent a room in an apartment from this guy and his girlfriend. He was extremely obese and had broken his back, so he was just home all the time, she was a fat disgusting pig as well. I had to pay a 1000 $ deposit which they haven't given me back yet! (going to take him to court) He would somtimes come in my room and hallucinate, so I called the ambulance a couple of times. (pretty sure he'd be dead if I hadn't, he's in and out of hospital all the time) The police raided the apartment once when I was there.
>>679618443
What, like watching you sleep?
>>679624921
Polynesia m8
>>679624813
Dude... Wow.
>>679624739
oh yea, I forget your state burns down every few years. I was just thinking of moving out there.
I live in the east, Appalachia.. we don't have fires, just a ton of flooding. Just don't live in between two hills and you'll be fine.
>>679625136
yeah soured me on roommates, or at least ones i hadnt vetted first
i moved back in with my parents and found another place i could afford, took another roommate when i was 25 but this guy was actually cool and it worked out well
>>679624813
>oh god please let him be dead so i can laugh as he gets taken away by a crane
ayyy it takes a crane to get him out
>remember the old jason posts
unfortunately I missed those
>roommate in college
>knew he was gay
>he was still closeted
>always tried to be gay towards me
>told the other football guys
>we beat his ass up
>stopped being a faggot and kept the whole place clean as a whistle as to not anger me
>feelsgoodman
>>679623714
Is that where you bury their dead bodies?
>shit gets rough, gotta move in with best bro
>sleeping in the basement on the floor, but whatever, it's a place
>his big brother comes back from college
>big bro is apparently a massive fucking stoner
>like bob marley level of stoner
>whatever, live it up
>start to notice I'm getting some breathing problems
>go to doc and he says that I need to stop being exposed to smoke
>its the weed
>go to tell stonerbigbro that I'm having some breathing problems and ask if he could at least close his door when he smokes
>he tells me to fuck off
>fine fuck you too
>school starts
>start finding weed and weed related shit all over my desk and my shit
>he didn't do this before
>I ask him to please keep it contained as I really don't wanna turn something in with weed on it and its fucking with my allergies
>he tells me to fuck off yet again
>he finally moves out after like a year
>get his address
>leave tip with cops
>faggot gets arrested
>feelsgoodman
>>679622948
What a cunt
>>679624268
forgot about this gem
>have woII helmet and bbgun lying around in room, relics from when I was a kid
>roommate gets his hand on them (again in my room without my permission)
>posts selfies on instagram with said bbgun and helmet with "ironic" caption about killing terrorists
>someone reports him to popo
>cops raid apartment, wasn't home thank god
>a week later he posts stuff about drugs on his insta even if he knows he's being monitored
this guy is a liability and makes my life so much more stressful, fuck
>>679625241
There hasn't been a real fire here in years. The earthquakes concern me more. Not too long ago there were a few tremors and a massive car sized ice boulder came roaring down the other side of the mountain pictured behind me. It ripped straight through a small camping village and destroyed a few cabins
>>679625126
>Polynesia
close enough
>>679625578
You know it ;)
>>679625759
Im not a smart man, But I am white so I have that going for me.
>>679625726
damn where you from
>>679621689
Kek. you're a lost cause bro
>>679625574
Waht is this? Amateur hour?
>>679625574
you should have just explained that you wernt interested. getting someone jumped isnt cool
>>679625970
California
>>679620387
>This
Anon with type 1 here
Have had it for 21 years (diagnosed at 2 years old) I was practically born with it, take like 10 needles a day and exercise regularly. Most type 2 diabetics are either overweight (fat or muscular) or they are underweight but have a high metabolism so they eat a fuckton. And when you eat a fuckton and treat your body poorly, your pancreas has a hard time keeping up with the demands and starts to give out. My body attacked my pancreas at a young age, it was believed to be due to me always being sick with infections when I was young.
This anon speaks true though
>be me
>move in with "best friend for 10 years" when we turned 20, same age
>he lost his job 3 weeks into the lease
>im the only signer on the lease
>both of our girlfriends moved in with us, his is an ugly drug head from Alabama, mine is a solid 8/10 who hates his gf
>drama between the girls all the time
>he doesnt pay rent the first month
>uhm, ok?
>2nd month
>...wow my so called "best friend is fucking me, keeps giving me excuses
>starts trying to sell coke and act like he's some kind of big time drug dealer
>has people over while I'm at work, the only one in the house working, I'm the only one paying all the bills since I have a great job
>the people he has over leave before I get home, I have no idea who they are, I hear about it from neighbors
>walk in one day and there's 3 people I've never met making crack in my kitchen with my measuring cup and pots and pans
>ok
>starts acting like this is his home and he's running the place
>find shit missing from my room, have to install a lock on my own fucking bedroom door
>6 months in, hasn't paid 1 bill
>I fucking hate this kid, I can't believe I ever called him my friend
>they get into an argument with me and my gf over what they need to pay and their right to stay in the apartment
>they take away all their stuff out of the common areas, microwave, utensils, everything they own
>immediately go to walmart and replace everything with my own shit
>the same week, get the landlord to come and explain to them in person with me there that I am the sole lease signer and they have no right to be there
>tell them to fucking get out finally
>he tries to act friendly on his way out, saying sorry bro etc etc
>the last 6 months with just me and my gf were the best 6 months ever, our relationship improved big time after they left
>basically got head every day and fucked every day, no drama to deal with
>he ended up going to prison for 4 years for stealing shit from some random house, lol
>>679625920
what?
no, you were right it is polanisia, but as an american its the same thing to me.. all those islands above aus shows up as malaysia so I thought that was the name of the region
>>679625604
Huge justice boner achieved
>>679626265
kek, he had it coming
can't wait till I can go and spend the rest of my life rotting away in a small farm. People are shit to live with
>>679626401
like I said im not a smart man also most of the islands are below/ middle of aus
>>679626265
Pretty sure I would've called the cops the second I found anyone making crack in my apartment...
>>679619576
She wont move out.
>>679626544
not when you look at the map from fucking orbit like we do.
we arnt shown where all the small islands are, we just know about them from dicking around with google earth when it came out
>>679626418
it was bad.
I'd get home, come to my desk and there's bong water all over it, fucking ashes everywhere, rolling papers on my chair, shit like that.
I mean, I'm cool with weed, but keep it fucking contained if nobody else you live with is a stoner.
>>679626547
yeah but then the cops lock down the apartment and take all your shit and everything, and then you're out of somewhere to live.
>>679617084
>>"french fries got away from me"
>>679622637
>The piece of shit was more useful than my roommate was
LMAO I spit water out of my nose
>>679625604
i'm the massive stoner of my student house. you did right.
>>679626686
Just cause you dont know of Uncle Tumangis Island
Cause he went through my Facebook PM's and I told him he had 3 mins to gtfo it I was gonna smash a bottle over his head... He didn't make the time line... I don't know how.. He heard me say 3 mins..
>>679626455
dude I gotta say, this was my BEST FUCKING FRIEND throughout all my adolescence, I spent like everyday with this kid growing up, and when he got into drugs his stupid head got too big for his shoulders. I smoke weed, do coke a little, whatever, but he acted like it was his lifestyle, people who don't have fun with it but make it a part of who they are just go downhill all the fucking time, he ended up shooting up suboxone and shit, looking like he had AIDS, years later, I think he may be dead. It was 7 years ago, I haven't talked to him in years.
>>679626547
why the fuck would I call the police so they can come into my own home and find my 4 foot tall bong and jar full of weed? no thanks. had to handle it like I did, basically kicked those fuckers out and asserted my right of dominion.
>>679623158
This sounds exactly like my roommate but not as bad. I feel for you anon
>>679617084
dude I cook fries in the skillet all the time, there's nothing wrong with it if you know what you're doing. It saves resources too, not having to use so much oil for deep frying or invest in a deep fryer.
>>679622214
It's fucking beautiful homie
>>679627495
An island just off Mainland nz
Where there is literally no police
>>679627710
sounds like a nice place, got the real name of it?
gave everyone's rent money to one of the other roommates who then stole it and skipped country
>>679627558
right back to you anon. any greentext about your housecrazy?
>>679627710
Great barrier island, it is a nice place grew up there
>>679626547
thats because youre a fucking square
>>679626770
He literally fucking said that.
>>679627583
I'm not knocking the method, just that he's a complete retard.
He could put them in the damn oven with a timer if he can't manage to watch what the hell he's doing.
>>679627981
No, I'm human-shaped.
>>679628064
health at every size?
>>679628094
what?
>>679620768
You are a fucking bitch. Each room is paid by room the bills are split. Fuck you are whiney cunt. I would love to hear his side of the story
>>679628141
yes tubby
>>679628141
kek cant keep up with the jokes, ya shuckster?
I have a roommate whos kinda 50/50 he can keep his job pretty well being 5 years (retail job nothing too fancy). He doesn't like it when women come over I can understand he doesn't want drama so when mutual friends come over hoping they can bring some fluzzies he gets pissy. I have a 2nd roommate (3 of us in this 3bedroom apt. who has a fwb and a car I also have a fwb and a car my roommate who im talking about doesnt have either my anything thing with him is he doesn't try to get a car or try to find a gf. I can understand how expensive it to buy and maintain but the dude constantly ask me and 3rd roomie for rides even when we are doing our own things and bitches at us later when we are home. I think hes legit scared to drive and doesn't want to be a full adult with vehicle ownership and maintenance. I like the guy but his annoyances are making looking forward to moving out by august. At least I got to fuck his 18 year fresh out of high school sister.
>>679628206
Apparently I can't...
That went right over my head.
Anyone got a screencap of the store about the chef roommate and the the other roommate's fat cow gf who tried to seduce him?
>>679627796
>>679627966
sorry responed to myself
>>679628419
oh ok cool. I was just about to log out of 4chan.
Ill look it up, you said there are absolutly no police or were you meaning they are sorta lacking.
>>679628270
i think you might be authentically autistic
>>679620610
>be me
>have roommate
>used to fuck every once in a while
>solid 8/10 with huge tits and tats
>stayed with her for a while partied allot
>mfw i moved out 2 months ago
>mfw she got a dwi
>mfw i think shes going to jail
>>679628511
Well really lacking from what i can recall there was one fella but he didnt give a shit
>>679628401
>>679628401
no but maybe this will be a good substitute instead
>>679628582
Thanks, y-you too
I realize looking back I didn't have it bad, but last year my entire group of room mates seemed to have a lot of issues with general not being fucking slobs, when finishing off a toilet roll, they would throw the cardboard roll on the ground, had to rewash any dish that they "washed", didn't open the windows or doors, their rooms got to the point where if they opened the door the smell would waft through the house and make people want to gag, no concept of doing the chores to keep the house clean, i found a lot of mold down the back on the couches in the lounge, fuck that place was nasty
>>679619617
Fuck, man. Stop being a fag with your acronyms.
>>679623583
> explain to landlord that jason used my immediate savings to buy himself food and if he could wait i would go to bank and get the rest
> fat asshole:dont worry about it anon, ill cover it, you should really be more carefule with your money
>live with roommate for around 6 months
>cool guy we get along
>not really good friends just good roommates
>come home after friday night
>just want to sleep
>go to the bathroom to take a leak
>roommate is in the tub with red water
>ask him if I can take a piss
>no reply
>gashes up his leg
>oh shit
>call cops
>im too drunk and panicked to say anything straight
>cops come talk to me and stuff
>they take me to my moms and i spend the night there
>room mate pussied out of this hell hole
>wanted to move back but my mom got scared
>she want me to move in with my aunt and uncle in belair
>que fresh prince
>>679616220
> he tried to have a barbecue in a room without aeration... nearly killed himself
> another time he fell asleep in his room with candels on. curtains burned down while he was sleeping. friend of mine smelt the fire and rescued us all.
>>679628643
post tits
>>679628700
golden, thank you, please post some more classics if you have and want to.
>>679628708
Didn't have this, thanks
>>679628157
no you fucking retard the apartment still has 3 people living there instead of 2. rent is paid by room but bringing this 'couples' shit into it changes everything. he would have to share the apartment with a couple instead of one guy.
>>679625574
Kill yourself
>Move in during late summer
>He isn't home
>Spend three days straight cleaning the apartment just to make it habitable
>The entire fucking wall by the bathroom sink, floor to roof, was covered in stubbles from him shaving
>>679629224
how do you get hair on the ceiling?
>>679620768
You are a colossal fag and so was your bud. Should have married him.
>>679628905
damn
>>679629293
I never asked.
>>679628905
You spelt queue wrong..
>>679619769
or who still believe in egyptian deities and got confused.
>>679622694
Feed me for a food?
>>679618428
my flatmate does the same damn thing, I put everything back in the sink and wash it myself whenever i see his washing up
>>679616220
>have roommate that is a giant 6'7 380 lard ass with a voice deeper than Barry White
>has 2 cats and acts like he is the king of cats
>2 dumbass cats piss all over and shit all over the kitchen floor daily
>He has the catbox underneath the kitchen table
>stacks shit on every surface into a disgusting tower that the cats just run all over
>house has turned into a mild case of harders and there is cat hair, shit and piss dust flying around constantly
>he doesn't think it's disgusting
>mfw his parents bought him his house, his brand new car, pays for his trips to Russia, Scandinavia, Mexico, etc etc so he has no idea what it's like to work for anything
>can't clean up kitchen at all because he buys a bunch of random shit and puts it in the cabinets all willy-nilly
It's a clusterfuck
>>679629789
more of her?
>>679620426
>when dating she complains about her previous room mates not keeping bathroom tidy.
>Think to myself that we have the same standards of cleanliness
>Then we get married.
>Doesn't pick up her dirty clothing off bathroom floor. Ever.
>Never changes sheets on bed and pillowcases stay on until I change them.
>Cooks very rarely and when I bring it up says she cooks all the time.
>If we didnt have a dishwasher dishes would sit in the sink all week until she needs a clean one.
>Never folds clean laundry.
Goddamn I love her but what the fuck happened to women? I swore that I didn't marry a woman-child.
>>679622948
You have no face. Are you an angel?
>>679630056
lmao you fell for it. always on their best behaviour until they lock down a simp and pig out
>>679628956
No nudes
>>679629968
I wish, but I'll continue
>Decide to invite my roommate to come with me and some friends to a classmates birthday gathering
>gathering is at a lake house with a bunch of rich ass jabrone's
>Told him it's a lot of younger folk (<21) so don't be an ass
>the birthday girls parents are there (the girl gave me head once so I dont want to screw this up)
>6'7 roommate pulls out a bag from the car and brings it in.
>starts passing bottles of expensive liquor and cigars down the line to these kids that are a bunch of flat-billed sticker wearing toolbags
>parents are just staring at us like they want to grab their gun
>Tell them we have to go
>gather up all of his dumbass shit
>roommate tries to impress people with stupid pompus faggy crap and makes every single situation awkward. We even work together and it just gets worse. He is like an NPC character in Skyrim.
>>679624813
I wish you had more
Sounds like an old housemate of mine, had him pictured in my head the whole time...
My stories aren't as good though. It's just the general gist of huge landwhale taking and doing whatever and completely unable to see any fault in himself but more than happy to sobatage you and point out your flaws at any given time
No I dont know how your iPad broke
But I sure as shit aint paying for it so stop bothering me cos i aint touched it
Heard he got kicked out for consistently missing bills, and selling coke. Guy was stoned all the time
>>679629011
Hence shared bills. The money for rent is per room which equals the total. You are an A-grade jew
I have a roommate who doesn't work and sits around all day on his computer.
He goes to the food bank for food and or relies on his mother to get him food.
The only time he leaves the house is to visit his girlfriend which some how being the loser he is has.
Also the only money he gets is from assistance or bottle picking which he spends on booze.
Wait did I say roommate I meant myself.
>>679625574
Assholes all of you
Just say "stop your gay shit, its freaking us out" and move on.
>>679628905
I don t undertand? he died?
>>679631270
Yeah, sounds like he an hero'd
>>679630881
naw faggot. You have to deal with the bull shit of a couple and ike if yhere is only one bathroom it is occupied by 33% more people. rent gets split 3 ways, other wise my mexican family will move in and fucking split the room
>>679620752
DONT JOIN THE MARINES. YOU WILL KILL YOURSELF
>>679620752
This:
>>679631559
If you want PTSD, just join tumblr.
>>679616220
Had a roomie who only worked out his chest. Every time he'd go to the gym he'd tell me, knock on my door, call me, etc. He'd never check in for any or thing, just the gym and when he'd sunbathe... Yup, just his chest. He'd wear cut-off jeans, no shirt, and a boonie hat. He looked like a member of the Village People.
>>679628582
You are this guy, arent you?:
>>679619617
Stfu lol you're trying too hard
>>679632399
nope
>Many years ago, was freshman in college
>Live din dorms, weird quite guy at the end of the hall.
>Played the guitar, loud but decent and always respectful and didn’t do it too early or late.
>very quiet, barely exchanged more than pleasantries in the course of a semester, was weird but not alarming.
>One day after grocery shopping was driving back to campus, see a peculiar convoy of black SUV’s getting off the freeway and heading towards campus.
>Driving closer to campus, see numerous squad cars, weird but still didn’t think much of it
>Start getting a couple blocks from campus, start seeing satellite trucks for major news companies, CNN, FOX, etc,
>Now start seeing more squad cars and the black SUV’s parked around my dorm wtf.jpg
>Go up to my floor, nope. Wtf.jpeg Guy with the ATF says they are investigating; it’d be a bit until we can get to our rooms. It was the damn ATF.
>Go to another dorm across the street that a buddy lives in, turn on the news.
>The Feds busted a guy planting bombs in mailboxes across the US, was going to make a smiley face. It was the guy that lived down the hall from me.
>WTF, I lived down the hall from a domestic terrorist.
>Be in college
>Roommate is a faggot and commits suicide
>Don't have to do finals because of emotional distress
>Would do again
>>679631518
Yaw ya pog yuppy slut. Gotta keep them extra shekels..
>>679631905
Meh, that doesn't sound so bad.
>>679631518
Nice tittas tho
>>679632644
This guy?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luke_Helder
>>679631559
Full metal jacket
>college roommate is a filthy guy
>nice enough just doesn't clean
>likes ice fishing because Minnesota
>buys fishtank to hold minnows
>surprise
>they all die from neglect
>doesn't clean it and instead leaves for Christmas break
>other roommate notices smell but decides to just saran wrap top of tank
>fish decay until water is grayish yellow and just full of minnow bones
>decide to pick it up and throw in dumpster outside
>saran wrap comes off and get splashed over whole upper body
>in mouth
>surprisingly don't vomit
>A year ago in the Navy
>Entire command moved all E3 and below from single rooms to shared rooms (two beds in a single room)
>Meet new roommate on a Friday
>Seems alright but shy and a little weird
>Roomie no where all weekend
>Assume he has a girl or someone he stays with on weekends
>Come Monday morning still no where
>Oh well
>Notice his closet is unlocked
>Room inspectors are dicks and tear up your shit then fail your room if closet is unlocked
>Can't find his lock so I slap on my extra on his closet door leave key on his desk then head to work
>Get back after ten hour work day as soon as I open the door roomies closet door starts screaming
>Fucker decided to sleep/live in his closet because he was to shy to share a room but didn't tell me
>Got a new room and roomie because he shit in the closet while locked in
>>679619302
Had a chink roomie in college that wanted to be 'computa enginee'; He got soooo much fucking money from US govt to go to school as a resident alien all my friends (white) hated him.
Smelly food, wore same clothes all the time, and had typical uniform of knee high white socks, tennis shoes, jean shorts and 2-size too small tshirt. He never washed his bath towel, just air dried it in dorm room.
One weekend friends take turns sitting on roomie's pillow with bare asses for the entire day; roomie ends up with pink eye - likely related.
When i was in my bed sleeping, my Former roommate layed next to me in my bed, and woke me up by touching my penis... Then he said he loves me i instandly ran out of the room
>>679630881
Different anon here. splitting the rent by room isn't fair if you have a third person using the shared rooms. especially if you have to share a bathroom.
>>679619769
Or for those who haven't gone to college or for those whose college/university don't have an RA program or use different terminology for a similiar person you sheltered, privileged, cuck.
>>679629501
All hail Sun God
I lived with an older guy during college, it was kinda weird but I wanted my own room. Always thought he was weird, but never really talked to him much. Saw him with kids a few times, but he just claimed they were related. We stayed out of each others rooms (partially because of locks, and partially because privacy). I went in his room twice, first time was when he showed me the house. The second time was because my faggot friend had me petsit for him (His dorm had a pet rabbit, not allowed though so he had me watch it during inspection day) and the fucker ran off. Looked around for it, couldn't find it, so I went in his room. Long story short, I found out that he really liked homemade cheese pizza. Story continues, but its not so interesting and I'm on mobile.
>>679633332
Underrated post and so close to quints
>>679616220
Had good friend since middle school; lived together for a while after college
>Friend is pathological liar: obese but says he was SEAL, marine, cop, trained Tom Cruisr to flip bottles in 'Cocktail', teaches ground fighting to SWAY trams - totally autistic lies like this
Lies are ridiculous but entertainment; if you are in the vortex of the lie-storm you can get lied on too though
> Ex: " Me and anon got jumped by some crips at the mall; I disarmed one crip with a gun, anon got stabbed but fought off 5 guys."
So, biggie would use bathroom and never flush his toilet paper, but leave shit streaked TP in the waste bin. It would pile high and stink to holy hell. He was also oblivious to the fact that as an obese his anus did line up with the toilet and he'd leave shit streaks all over tge back of the toilet seat.
My roommate in college was a Pakistani and he ate nothing but chickpea salad mix and ranch dressing.
>be me
>go to sleep at 1am cuz of school work you have to do
>set your alarm clock on 8am, your class starts at 8:20
>your dumb roommate starts his class at 8:20 too
>he sets his alarm on 6am
>he is too fucking lazy to turn it off, so when it goes off it rings for like 2 minutes untill you get up and hit him in the face
>he doesn't turn it off. He presses snooze
>it goes off again 10 mins later
>loop it from the moment his alarm sets off
>it goes on untill our classes start
>or it goes on for 2 years now, depends on how you Look at things
I can't believe someone could that fucking dumb an lazy
>>679632916
When you're hetero it is.
I'll introduce the two of you, you can apply his suntan lotion.
>>679635976
So its a good thing or bad thing ?
>>679636954
Our room smelled like dead cattle and raw sewage. I'm pretty sure he shat in a suitcase because he didn't know where the bathroom was.
This was a great thread
>>679633708
Should have atleast gotten a blowie before bailing
>>679633332
>>679633333
close
also top lol, that sounds like the navy alright
>>679633332
That's the biggest fucking retard I've ever heard of in 10 years of having roommates in the military
>>679619478
>faget loose asshole
Fucking keked
>>679625045
Bro the court and fees exceed that amount + they probably don't have much money(fat fucks probably don't work)
>>679618706
Nigga means "uhh" or "ummm" in chink speak
>>679619586
>Chinese
>triad
Kill your self you retarded faggot
>>679641883
Moron deteced
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triad_%28organized_crime%29
>>679641883
See:
>>679621232
>disgonbgud.gif
>>679641883
You're a retard.
>>679641883
Kill yourself you fucking moron. Pussy fag has no response after getting rekt.
