ITT: we pretend we live in the same house
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: we pretend we live in the same house
Your mother walks into my bedroom
I call the master bedroom, filthy goyim
>>679408200
Your moms basement isn't big enough anon
I can hear you guys fapping from my room. Can you all keep it down?
None of you are even old enough to live alone
Damminit we need to figure this shot out now!
>>679408200
oh god that looks so nice. i want to live there except i may want some tech from after 85
>>679408919
*shit
John! Get me a coke while you are down there!
....
A COKE!
THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU NORMIES TALK SHIT ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*shoot up house*
who shit in the shower and stomped it down the drain? You are not sneaky, we can still smell it,
Who the fuck shat in the shower this time?!
If anyone touches my computer I'll fuck you with a radiator pipe, bitch.
>>679409366
>>679409369
had to be one of you sick fucks
where the fuck did the cookies go, i just bought them
Oh my god I have to work tomorrow. Will you please be quiet!? I'm trying to sleep!
C'mom Jim, meth again? Didn't we agree to do meth and heroin just on Tuesdays and Fridays?
>>679408919
Over. No ifs, ands, or butts.
>>679409712
Ask jim.
Who wants to participate in a goat sacrifice to Based Almighty God-Emperor Donald J. Trump?
>>679409971
Literally one of the most negligible issues. Some gaggot keeps letting methhead jim back in, all he does is eat the oatmeal raisin cookies.
THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION! EVERYONE DOWN ON THE FUCKING GROUND!
>>679410084
wtf he said he flushed them down the toilet
fuck you jim
>>679410334
oh shit
>>679410200
Well it's your turn to buy alcohol. I'm gonna need to be super drunk to slit a goat's throat.
>>679410200
Ugh fine. You got doubles so I'll give you ten minutes. Do you have a sacrificial blade already soaked in the tears of one thousand virgins or do I need to go to the store again?
Fucking Jim. Who the fuck keeps making holes in the wall, I'm tired of patching them!
Mom bring us the fuckin Doritos! Bitch!
Who the hell is that guy hiding in the bathtub? We only have one bathroom and he won't leave.
>>679410334
Michael that's a fucking super soaker. Seriously. Take your God damn anti-psychotics and chill the fuck out.
>>679410460
I have it, Flamboyance
>>679408919
Anon why do you have to make it so hard eeerrr
>>679410507
It's fucking jim could we please expel him like the methdemon he is?
>>679410303
Little issues grow and fester like a cyst under the skin until they explode and spew shit everwhere. They must be addressed.
>>679410677
Okay okay let's get this over with
Hey guys, does this look infected to you?
>>679410859
I agree. My old roommates (my mom and dad) would do under. That's why I moved out.
Shit who put a firecracker down the sink?
>>679410991
Just turn on the water, idiot.
>>679410991
Sorry I thought it was the 4th of July
>>679410861
Okay, I have anally raped the goat with the cock of a muslim. Now, let's behead it! HEIL TRUMP! WE OFFER BASED ALMIGHTY GOD-EMPEROR DONALD J. TRUMP THIS GLORIOUS SACRIFICE!
*beheads goat*
I'm back from the grocery store guys. To whoever wanted the cucumber and the Vaseline, sorry man, but they were all out.
>>679411244
Did they at least have sharpies?
Who used the noose last? You left the chair in the way and I tripped
>>679411191
Okay cool. We've indulged you. Please clean this up and drain the goat. We're going to prepare it for dinner next week.
>>679411360
God damn it anon... brb.
>>679411459
Fucking Jim. Again.
>>679411244
Did you at least get more oatmeal raisin cookies? And a new lock so we keep Jim out?
>>679411477
Okay, we shall have a feast, blessed by Donald Trump on the 20th. We shall 420 blaze it, then eat the goat, and fill up on the blessed and holy meat.
>>679408919
I thought we agreed on over, I am going to stab whoever keeps putting that shit under in the fucking taint.
I BET ITS YOU MATT ISN'T IT YOU LITTLE DICK BITCH
How many fucking times do I have to say this?! We leave the seats up!
>>679411459
This gave me a hearty chuckle.
Alright fuckers, I'm in the middle of my 72 hour masturbation marathon and I'm out of orange juice. Who's gonna go to the store?
oh man that was good
Who left the jews inside of the oven? Now the oven smells like burnt-up metal.
How did Jim even find where we live?
>>679412566
Okay, so I have called a hitman on that methhead faggot Jim. Now we wait, pal, we just wait.
>>679411998
*comes back from the store and hears this*
YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT? GO TO THE FUCKING STORE YOURSELF YOU ASSHOLE! I ALREADY WENT TWICE TO GET THAT FAGGOT HIS SHARPIE AND THAT OTHER FAGGOT HIS OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES! OATMEAL RAISIN? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? HERE'S 5 BUCKS, NOW ALL YOU FUCKERS BETTER LEAVE ME ALONE WHILE I GO LOCK JIM AGAIN.
¿hé; I'm fapping, can you keep it down?
Who wanna hit this bowl real quick?
Hey guys, who wants to watch my little pony with me?
>>679412373
i'll clean it if someone gives me a blow job
bonus points if you clean off the smegma w/ ur tongue
Alright. Which one of you goat fuckers took out the garbage and didn't put a clean trash bag back in the bin?!
>>679412878
Fuck you and your toilet bowl prison surprise.
>>679412807
Hey man, chill. I paid you to go to the store and get the cookies. Not my fault jim ate them in the first place. Someone hired a hitman for him... Waste of money imo, coulda just put chlorine in his meth.
Okay, the game's up guys. I found your quran, so which one of you is the goat fucker?
>>679413112
Sorry. It slipped mind. Hey you shpuld be thanking me. That shit was beyond overflowing.
>>679408919
Presumably there's more than one bathroom. We could designate each as 'over' or 'under'.
>>679413474
This is a great compromise. (I'm going to start actually doing this at home)
>>679412340
For once, Anon didn't spill it.
>>679413453
Ah I can't stay mad at you over that. We good bro. Say, where is that dead goat at? I need to borrow it for something......
>>679413407
uh, I can explain
if you fat pigs dont stop turning the ac to 65 im not paying my share of the bill anymore
Guys, Jim is an asshole, but he is the one with that dealer. There is no better weed on city. I haven't tried LSD from other sources, but i guess we wont find better and cheaper. Can't we deal with Jim in another way? Or at least get his dealer number first?
>>679408200
WHO THE FUCK HAS BEEN CARVING DICKS INTO THE SINK
>>679413802
Ah, i threw the head away. It was sitting on top of the trash like satan's jenga pile.
>>679414107
Dude, I am the one who showed jim that dealer. I've been telling you this for the longest.
>>679408919
This is the patent drawings for toilet paper. It goes over. The end.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elVrAp3cNsQ
>>679413833
I guess we only use celsuis and meters in this house. That was voted on day one. This is just basic civilization rules.
Guys I accidentally shit in the shower...
Whoever put this Boxxie poster on the wall, I'm taking it down. Please keep it in your room. I don't have to deal with cancer while I eat.
>>679414410
/thread
Guys no one look in the fucking freezer
Who the hell put bananas in all of my socks...
I accidentally seasoned our steak dinners with anthrax.
>>679415446
Calm down its just a harmless little fetish
>>679415567
I TOLD YOU TO GO THE FUCK TO BED
>>679414410
What did people use before 1891?
>>679415567
Give it to Jim. Fast. It will save us the hitman money.
...how long have we had a dog?
>>679415930
Cmon joe you know that shit wont kill me
Sparkin....
>>679415921
Orange peel
>>679415930
Jim ate the steak and grew dick fingers. Uncut dick fingers.
WHY ARE ALL OF MY PLANTS DEAD
WHO KILLED MY PLANTS
>>679416632
Jim.
>>679416627
Jim has started fucking himself with said dickfingers on the patio
>>679416627
Now i can fuck a girl without a condom and tell her im fingering her
OP Here, get the fuck out of my house.
Now act like you're outside on the streets together
Haaaay evrrryone, am drank and sacrificing a filthy Muslim to Satan in the bazzment. Anybody else fuckin horny right now holy shit
Who took the peel off of a banana and left them side by side on the counter?
>>679416970
ALLUH ACKBAR
>>679416872
Yeah cool jim. Just stop licking your damn fingers.. it's disgusting. We all know there isn't any sauce on em
>>679417058
Jim
>>679416970
I still want to know if this looks infected, guys.
>>679416970
Fuck you, you're not my mother you nappy-haired spearchucker
>>679416850
Think it'd be weird if I sucked Jim's fingers?
>>679416970
Guys I thought I told you to kick out the faggot
>>679416455
Really?
Sorry guys...your boyfriends just cheated on you...and my year-long dry spell just ended
>>679417338
Really really donkey. Plus, dubs don't lie.
>>679417269
No you can't suck my fingers you faggot fuck off
Can't I just masturbate out here in peace
>>679417269
In private, go nuts, just Don't let him skip his pills
>>679417186
IM SICK OF YOUR SHIT CLYDE
>>679417496
This is true
Alright, who is the cum guzzler that drank my beer! I marked the Black Butte Porter as mine and off limits
>>679417556
Oh shit...
Whos the fucker who ripped ass? The whole living reeks of stale dorotos and diet dew
>>679417556
Suck my dick Sanchez
>>679417649
Me, sorry dude. I was out of my beer.
>>679417705
>dorotos
>>679417705
STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING THERES LIKE 51 PEOPLE IN ONE HOUSE ITS GONNA SMELL LIKE SHIT
>>679417649
*drunken burp, cocaine wafting of of face* dunno wat ur talkin bout
>>679417519
NO JIM, NOT IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN!
Do you think we should patch that hole in the roof before it starts raining?
>>679417708
MAYBE I FUCKING WILL
>>679417649
Your beer tasted like stagnant piss.
The fuck you gonna do bout it faggot?
>>679417519
Look no homo, dude. I just wanna... suck your glorious penile hand appendages
>>679417936
MAYBE I'LL FUCKING LET YOU
>>679417809
I-Its a p-prank bro
>>679418012
CAN I FUCKING JOIN IN
>>679417749
You better buy me a case of that shit, otherwise this bottle is going up your ass.
Oh man am I gassy as all fuck;
>>679417898
WHERE THE FUCK ELSE SHOULD I DO IT
Anyone wanna go put on panties and girly socks and wrestle in the back room?
>>679417902
Im not very handy ask the mexican dude
>>679418012
I'd eat the corn out of your shit just to see where it came from.
Sorry to bother you all, but it seems the power is out in the sub-basement. Somebody better fix it cause I can't cook my Kids Cuisine if my microwave ain't got power!
>>679418171
*gets off of couch, beer gut jiggling* im in
Okay, someone took my gun from it's hiding place. We might have a problem
>>679417708
>>679417936
>>679418012
Stop,das gay
>>679418103
I will, bro. No worries man. *under breath* fucking faggot
>>679417942
It fucking tastes a hell of a lot better than that PBR shit you swill down Francis McPaddywagon.
>>679418084
>>679418012
SURE WHY THE FUCK NOT
>>679418328
What ever do you mean
>>679411459
Sorry, was having a strangle wank.
Also, anyone want anything from the shop?
who the fuck ate my fucking frozen burritos again?
>>679418328
Boom boom, mothafockas
>>679418328
Where the fuck is jim
>>679418328
Well, the Jewish neighbor's autistic kid was getting a little loud and it seemed like the best solution for both us and it's parents....
>>679418457
A cornetto
>>679418442
FUCKING THANK YOU
>>679418286
Awesome, cmon! *pulls off pants to reveal a pair of pink hello kitty panties*
>>679418397
>smashes bottle on the table
WHAT YOU FUCKING CALL ME KNOB GOBBLER! I AM TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM FIXING YOUR SHIT ASS HAT!!!
>>679418328
Ive been made fun of for the last time
Fuck you guys! I'm going back into the sub-basement with this gun I found and I'm gonna shoot my self if I don't get my Kids Cuisine!
>>679418554
Outside jacking off on the patio with his fucking dick fingers.
>>679418554
*M16 in hand
Im right here faggot
Hey you kids wanna buy some drugs?
>>679418619
*unbuckles pants and reveals silk panties w/only a little dusting of coke* I haven't wrestled in ages!
>>679418387
Sorry my chink. Gotta snickers or something? I get a little faget when I'm hunger.
>>679418678
HEY FUCK YOU MAN YOUR BEER FUCKING SUCKED ASS ANYWAY. GOD DAMN.
FUCK IT, A GOOD OL FASHIONED ANAL ORGY ALWAYS GETS RID OF THAT PESKY SEXUAL TENSION! *strips my clothes off and puts on a gag ball and a gimp mask*
>>679418747
Kys fgt
OK LISTEN UP YOU DISGUSTING PIGS! I ordered cleaning service for thursday, i need you all beta cringe fag lords out of the house for 6 hours until cleaning is done, also SANCHEZ you gonna be in charge of jim DONT LET HIM FUCK THE DOG AGAIN, the rest of you fuck off.
>>679418872
Oh God, yes! *grabs you by the hand and pulls you into the back bedroom, slamming the door shut behind us*
>>679418747
So that's where it went...
>>679418949
Sorry man, I just been going through some shit. Chlamydia can be a pain in the ass
>>679418193
Fuck you Bill, I'm from Guatemala. Fucking Guatemala. I've said that 5 times just today.
A load gun shot was soon heard from down stairs. Eddy was found dead in the sub-basment in a pile of Kids Cuisine boxes holding a gun.
>>679419093
The Dog has bern dead for 2 weeks faggot....still fucking it tho
>>679418990
*begins gently licking your anus*
>>679408200
WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY CHEETO'Z
>>679418990
*jim slowly walks up behind you
>>679419093
Sorry, I'm jacking off to traps that day... And the day after... And the day after... You see where this is going...
>>679411897
dang that reaction was spot on!
>>679418749
I'll be out on the patio with Jim if anybody needs me
>>679419229
What part of mexico is that?
Okay faggots I've got a power strip and a box of power tools let's fuck this shit up
>>679419219
Saight bro, my bad too. *leans in for a gentle bro hug*
>>679412878
thanks /b/ro
>>679419477
Dibs on the grinder
>>679419093
Were gonna find that cleaning ladies corpse next week with jim written all over it if we dont find the little fuck
OK EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'VE STRATEGICALLY PLANTED C4 IN ALL OF YOUR CHILI HOLES AND I'VE GOT THE DETONATOR. ONLY DUBS CAN TAKE IT FROM ME. ANY SUDDEN MOVEMENTS AND YOU'RE A GONER. EAT A DICK JIM! (or one of your fingers)
>>679408200
do not bring a black light over to my bed or desk and we can all get along quite nicely.
ANONS WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GUN? I WAS PLANNNNING ON KILLING MYSELF BUT ONE OF YOU FAGS TOOK IT!!-
>>679417338
can confirm was there.
Don't fucking test me sanchez!
How about fuck off?
>>679416404
Pass it
>>679419697
Slowly starts to eat your dick
>>679419431
Bro lend me BO3
>>679419791
>>679420050
Last time you got snot all over get your own dude
>>679408200
>goes into bathroom
>puts lips against hole in wall
>opens mouth
>backs butt up to other hole in opposite wall
>lines up butthole
Ok, ready for my first shift.
>>679420208
I will eat your shirt.....
>>679420255
Gets puablo to put ass against other side of the hole
Dammit guys, stop sneaking my meds
>>679420255
*grins* maaaah nigga... *goes around to mouth hole*
>>679419626
>>679419828
WHERE THE FUCK IS SANCHEZ
WHERE THE FUCK IS JIM
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT
bill call sanchez i fear the worst
*looks at empty box in hands*
*whispers* it's escaped...
>>679420255
Sorry brah, glory hole is closed until further notice. A lot of guys have been complaining about getting herpes.
>>679420446
GUYS I FOUND A CLEANING LADY SO PUT MY DICK FINGERS IN HER ASS AND KILLED HER
>>679420255
You gonna be sloppy anon, cause we got a lot of sexually repressed faggots in here
On the other hand, you don't have to worry about STDs, since they're all kissless virgins, so, consume all the jizz you can I guess.
>>679420356
Last time you tried we had to go get your stomach pumped. We dont have insurance goddammit
Tyrone's 9 inch cock is inside stacy again
>>679420602
Pfft... Speak for yourself, faglord. *continues slowly pumping in and out of anons mouth while staring directly at you*l
>>679420602
>whole house of angsty /btards with no sexual outlet
>her joists and studs cannae hold this pressure cap'n!!! She's comin apart at the seams!
>>679420927
Y u gotta snitch yo
*takes dick out and wipes it on the TV* this is mine now
>>679421224
Whatever... *whips dick out and rubs it on your ass* *winks at you* I'll claim it later.
>lets a big one rip
Damn those taco Doritos do a number on me.
>>679408200
Flush the toilet nigga
>>679420597
d-don't tell me it is his box...
Okay guys, I brought the ball gags who brought the whips?
>>679420927
That's alright, he's pulverized her ovaries with it already, so there'll be no little nigglets running around robbing and logbeating to deal with.
Who the fuck ate all the god damn pizza rolls?
Hi guys I'm new here. Would you like to smoke weed?
>>679421674
Fuck yea, spark that shit. I'm reuppin tomorrow, I'll smoke you back bro.
>>679421385
So it was you!, yo-you stinky fuck gtfo before i use your methane against you "lights zippo"
>>679421521
Yep... that's the box. Didn't you see the do not open sign?
>>679421616
Yeah, the dominatrix called. Her kid has the flu so we're postponing BDSM night to next Wednesday.
Shut up, wheel of fortune is on.
>>679421857
hey, you're name wasn't on it. fuck, there's like 45 bags of doritos in the pantry. its kinda hard to tell which one is yours.
>>679422334
Fuck off Jim
>>679422334
Fuck off jim
>>679422334
fuck off, jim
>>679422334
Fuck off jim
>>679422334
Fuck off jim
>>679422334
I suggest we lynch this bastard.
Alright guys I'm just gonna be honest... I need to suck some dick. I'm good at it and I'll swallow. Anyone want some head?
Alright, I've got the vodka and the revolver. Who wants to play Russian roulette
Hey guys, I'm home, What's up?
>>679422857
OH BRIAN THANK GOD. IT'S ESCAPED AND I CAN'T FIND THE TRANQUILISERS I NEED HELP
>>679422649
Fuck you ass hat I'm not black.
>goes to the freezer for a burrito.
>>679423010
WTF FRED! I FUCKING TOLD YOU NOT TO OPEN THAT DOOR AGAIN!!!
JUST WAIT HERE I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT
Who washed their fursuit in the washing machine? You better clean all that hair out of the dryer.
>>679423169
SORRY IT'S JUST THAT IT WAS THE ONLY ROOM THAT DIDN'T SMELL LIKE SHIT
>>679423010
Brian thank god you're here, jim and sanchez disappeared, we found a cleaning lady's body with jim's name all over her, someone spilled chocolate milk all over the floor, anyways how was your day at work?
Hi guys im new here
>>679423242
Oh, I think the Mexican's the fucking furry in the house.
>>679423393
No, that's me. My bad.
>>679423393
Easy man, his burritos are a god-send.
>>679423334
>>679423354
Man you guys can't do shit without me here....
IT is back in the cage/room, don't touch the door again -.- now WHERE THE FUCK IN JIM?!
I TOLD HIM A MILLION TIMES IF HE WANTS TO RAPE AND MURDER THE CLEANERS HE NEEDS TO HIRE A NEW ONE
>>679423368
Newfags clean the toilet, here's a plunger and flamethrower. We ran out of bleach because SOMEONE (I'm looking at you John) drank it all
Yo where is our roommate that posts that same stupid ass girl from the never ending story every night?! I just wanna talk to him in the back yard, haw haw
>>679423354
Sorry for being rude Danny it's just that I had a rough day at work and I just wanted to relax at home today. Sara that bitch stole my project and promotion...
>>679423651
>eats a burrito
You lookin' for me?
>>679423368
Commence the newfag ritual
>shave all pubes and shower throughly
>put on short skirt and wig
>get gangbanged by everybody in the house including jim
>everybody must cum in your ass or mouth
>welcome to the /b/ house anon :)
>>679423887
Jim... is that my fucking burrito..? HOW MANY FUC... you know what? I DON'T CARE! I am moving out. I AM DONE
>>679408351
It's me, Goku.
So here's my question: what are we going to do with all these dead hookers? We can't just leave them in a pile... wait, JIM COME HERE CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY FOR YOU
>>679414410
kept this picture saved just to fight people online about toilet paper
>>679424387
Damn it to fuck, for the last time I am not dumping anymore dead hookers. The police are already getting suspicious.
Sanchez here
You assholes forgot today is jim's birthday
>>679424729
Hey guys i think theyre back
KEEP IT DOWN I CANT HEAR MY PORN
>>679424868
HE ATE MY FUCKING BURRITO AND MURDERED THE LAST FUCKING CLEANER WILLING TO WORK FOR US, FOR AS LONG AS MY NAME IS BRIAN I WILL NOT CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY. FUCK JIM
>>679425065
GODDAMMIT BRIAN YOU MADE ME MISS THE ORGASM
>>679424868
Happy birthday jim
>>679424987
REALLY ANDREW?! REALLY?! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND AND FAP ALL DAY, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED HELPING AROUND THE HOUSE.
>>679425212
>>679424987
I WOULD SAY BORROW MY HEADPHONES BUT LAST TIME YOUR DUMB ASS LOST THEM
>>679425384
THIS WEEK IS MY FAP WEEK FUCK OFF
WHO JERKED OFF IN MY FRACKIN COFFEE
>>679425505
I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T ME IT WAS JONATHAN
Why... why is my mouth bleeding... WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THOSE DORITOS?
>>679424987
Dude, don't talk about noise. You're the only guy in the house who VIOLENTLY SCREAMS whilst cumming.
>>679425605
Deen. He's a bit odd nowadays.
>>679424868
My birthday!
>>679425605
I WILL BET MY FUCKING LIFE IT WAS ANDREW, THAT SICK FUCK
ANDREW YOU BITCH WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?!
>>679425756
I HAVE A COFFEE FETISH ALRIGHT!?!!
>>679425756
Well said you wanted "extra cream"
>>679425756
Because fuller house is on. And because BEWBS.
>>679411841
Yeas it was me steward, what you gonna do you little bitch, that's the best way to use it!
Who slept with Coco? She's mine! My nine-nippled goddess. Her mammary glands are the epitome of sublimity.
>>679425756
>yfw
>>679425988
>>679425962
>>679425947
DID ALL OF YOU FAP INTO THE COFFEE?!
>>679425988
(Fuller House is my shit, dawg.)
>>679426110
I'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR THENLAST COUPLE OF WEEKS NOW
>>679426110
Went down smooth tho didntit. Did on tit. Tits. BEWBBBBSSS.
WHO
FUCKING
DID THIS?!?!?
>>679426303
>>679426360
Please tell me you're joking
Hey guys the neighbors left the door open again what we do?
>>679426499
sorry i was sleepng and boom wake up wetness
>>679426188
All demand ladies fine foxes. Except kami or whatthefuckever. I'd hate fuck the shit out of her throat and throw her out with the garbage.
dubs decides what wallpaper we use in the front room.
>>679426708
Why do you think I only drank tea? Who's the faggot now?
>>679426708
No. Jerkin. I'm Jerkin on ya.
