Ok /b/, here's a question I can't really ask anywhere
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Ok /b/, here's a question I can't really ask anywhere else.
What do you guys do with your jizz after you fap?
I use vaseline and I've been wiping up the cum from my belly on my cum teddy for the last 11 years since I started fapping and he's pretty worse for wear.
I mean he's always so fucking slimey that using him after wards is starting to suck.
I used to wash him in the sink every year or so but it's been 2 years since I've been home alone and the stench is so powerful when I wash him I can't get away with it while my mom or sister is around.
This is a legit question.
Will timestamp if required.
>>677418961
That teddy is fucking disgusting
Lick it
>>677419328
I'm not asking what you think of it, I just wanna know what other Anon's do to clean up after they fap.
I usually use my dirty shirts that I wear
>>677418961
Burn it. You should burn the bear.
Good Ol' Tissues
>>677419657
But what if you don't want your mom asking you about them being crusty?
>>677418961
timestamp
>>677418961
i cum in socks
>>677419960
Do your own fucking laundry.
Assuming you've got 2 arms, 2 legs and a fucking brain,
you can probably figure it out.
>>677419960
just use them and flush in the toilet after for the fucks sake
>>677420077
i mean tissues
rotfl
>>677418961
Trips and you burn it
I cum on top of my hand, then wipe it on the blanket over my legs
>>677418961
Generally OP I cum in my boxers i've been wearing that day or into a rubbish bag that's near by.
I usually fap before bed so I just get naked, sit on my undies and when I go to blow I stand up, pull them out and onto table and blow, usually I prop them up on a coke can to make a wall I can blast onto.
>>677418961
from cp to rekt threads to fluffy abuse to depressing feels threads at 3am. this is by far the saddest thing i have ever seen on /b/. i mean it is truly depressing.
>>677418961
Timestamp
Timestamp it, faggot
>>677418961
>keep paper towels in room
>before you cum make sure you have one
>cum into paper towel
>flush that fucker
>profit
It's not that hard OP, just use your brain.
Reverse image search isn't coming up with anything. I would appreciate a timestamp though. For scientific purposes.
I cum on a piece of paper towel and then throw it into the toilet... You fucking pig...
OP here.
Timestaamp provided.
>>677420696
I hate this phone btw
Someone screencap this. Legendary jizz Teddy ftw
>>677420758
Absolutely fucking disgusting
Cum on Road Rash II
>>677420696
You're a sick fuck, but socks and do your own laundry. Please put that nightmare toy story creature out of its misery.
>>677420935
No fuck that, I love that game.
I got it when I was 5.
>>677420903
>>677420683
>>677420318
>>677420077
>>677419328
THIS is what /b is all about, and you are the fucking cancer. Gtfo /b
More details op.
TRIPS GET!
Fuck me that's disgusting, I mean I get these cumming items, but dam this is almost like a teddy bear stuck in amber....
The fucking face of your parents if they found this!
If trips, you must soak it in water then drink the water!
>>677420696
>>677420758
>>677420976
Fuck off back to Tumblr
>>677420758
Fake. It's not March.
>>677418961
Just spaff straight into the kitchen sink.
>>677421064
and if it didn't have a response from cunts like us. this post would sink so be grateful.
anyway i said it was depressing. not that i didn't want to hear more.
So far we've got:
-Obligatory insults.
-Paper towels.
-Socks.
-Laundry
An ex friend of mine uses socks but since he's afraid his mom might ask him about them he has 2 sacks of crusty socks under his bed.
He just buys new ones all the time.
I'm too poor for that.
>>677421064
I've been here for seven years. Which is more than half you age fucking fag.
I just jack off into the toilet, kneeling in front of it. Then I use toilet paper and just wipe any that might get on my hands or elsewhere.
I say you wrap it in plastic, go for a walk and let it dry out in the sun. Then go home and use it some more, do not fail jizzbear. He has served you well.
>>677421113
Shit your right, I'll do an april one.
Im'm stuck in the past
op post moar
This my jizz routine, I think it's the most hygienic
>only jerk off when you have to pee
>use toilet paper to cum in (2 layers)
>'wring out' dick to get whatever cum's still in there out
>go to toilet to pee right after to clean the pipes and flush your cum TP down with it
>clean off any cum or TP bits that might still be on your dick with cold water in the sink
>>677421235
Hit a sore spot, huh? Yeah, it hurts being a faggot.
>>677421213
this is what /b/ is about. being disgusted enough to keep a thread alive.
>>677421358
i do the exact same
Personally I jerk off in the sink mostly.
>>677421362
>it hurts being a faggot.
Only your ass
>>677420758
kek OP
use toilet paper and flush it
I do that
>>677418961
Is that a fucking sega genesis!?!
To reply though, I typically bust into some tissue and in the trash it goes.
Do that bear a favor and burn it.
>>677421358
Desensitisation
>>677421323
I have a cum rag I have had for years. It used to be white but it is stained yellow. Every few years I wash it in the sink with some bleach. The worst part is, I keep it in my bed with me.
>>677418961
paper towels,
not like you disgusting retards
>Get girlfriend
>cum in her
Try it OP, leave the bear alone
a towel son
a towel
why is this so hard for people?
>>677421511
Not even worth an insult in return, do better.
OP POST ACCURATE TIMESTAMP
>>677421583
Timestamp
>>677421564
You talking about the last step?
I pull my foreskin over my bell end and just cum into that. Then walk to the bathroom and clean it out.
Don't any of you have mouths?
>>677418961
cum in a empty pringles can.
the lid seals the smell and when its full you can just throw it away.
>>677421750
That sounds painful and dangerous.
>>677421745
My bad, I actually thought you wrapped your dick in tp and then flogged it.
>>677418961
catch it in your foreskin
oohh wait your a cutfag nevermind
>>677421823
he ain't a cutfag so it don't hurt
>>677418961
That is fucking vile.
Anyway, I cum on my belly and mop up with an old washrag or towel afterwards. I generally have two of them I keep in rotation before washing them with my laundry at the end of the week.
>>677420758
lick it clean OP
>>677418961
Wtf, I fucking take a shower you nigger.
>>677421907
>>677421750
You guys must have some spacious as fuck foreskins. I can barely get mine back over the tip when I'm hard, let alone cum into it
This. This is what /b/ is. This is fucking chemo and I'm glad there are at least a couple of oldfags around who can see it.
>>677421564
>Desensitisation
this word gave me a headache
I just eat it
Just cum in a sink, no hassle. Water cover the sound, you can flush it down asap and wash your hands after.
How about cumming in a tissue? Its easy and reliable
>>677418961
Put a pretty ribbon around its neck, wrap it up and mail it to your address to your sister with flowers from an anonymous admirer.
>>677421672
>a towel son
>a towel
Idk what the fuck is wrong with you people who do this
We're talking about a regular towel here, yeah? One that after the next time you wash it could well be used to dry off your face again?
>>677421113
April,
>pic related
>>677421235
OP here since either 2006 or 2007 I forget.
>>677421297
Good point.
>>677421465
Agreed, I know the teddy's disgusting but I've only ever fapped this way.
>>677421541
Bingo, I own 3 of them.
>>677421583
I'm sad to say this is starting to seem like the best option.
When It starts getting nasty I can just buy another one.........
>>677421647
Asexual so IDGAF.
>>677421750
You probably don't shoot out much do you, won't work for me.
wash the teddy and pass it down through your family to your first born so.
The CumTeddy family name shall rise from the slimey ashes.
>>677422340
Who fucking cares. The sperm dies, the semen gets washed away just like dirt and grime on any other clothes. It's all in your mind
>>677420126
Don't flush tissues, they don't degrade like tp, and when they stop up the main sewer line and the Roto Rooter man is laughing at you while he tells your mom what he found you'll feel really stupid. Paper towels, or tissues, and throw them away.
>>677421064
4chan elitism is much worse.
>>677422093
Being a phimosisfag is suffering. This is all I have for my troubles.
>>677422249
OP here, welcome to /b/ newfriend.
Towels over there for you.
If you need anything let us know we'd love to help.
>>677422390
...what is on that magazine?
>>677418961
Let my roommates dog lick it off my stomach
>>677422390
>Asexual so IDGAF.
/thread
>>677422390
Clean your room anon jeez. Look at that windowsill.
>>677418961
>>677422390
THIS CAMERA, I THOUGHT I FIXED IT.
Oh well.
when I saw that it left a sour taste in my mouth
>>677421750
I bet your family members call you smegma boy.
i cum in the toilet
>>677422466
Might as well use towels to wipe your ass too then, saves you buying TP you nasty scumbag
Show us more of your house it looks like a fucking dump
>>677418961
Well shit OP, I just cum into the toilet...
>>677422659
fucking saved thread lmfao
>>677422561
After a while the slimy bits fall off the teddy and I didn't want my window stained so i use the magazine.
BTW the magazine is from 2000 and has lots of cheats in it for stuff like the dreamcast and N64.
>>677422834
>>677422659
i second that motion
>>677418961
OP, you know you can use toilet paper or tissues, it's not that hard. You just posted this thread to post cum teddy
All of you cum-catchers haven't truly lived until you've laid flat on your back and let your cum fly free and true into the open air to land wherever it chooses to fall. Cumming into tissues is so restrictive and anti-climactic
>>677422910
I hope you don't still read the magazine.
>>677422093
In the shower is good, but then every time you here water running you get all hard and horny.
>>677420237
>a wall I can blow onto
>>677422910
>>677419960
how the fuck does no one see this disgusting bear?
>>677422834
>>677422989
Just my room.
Will post battlestation pic if requested.
Wash that bear in the bathtub or throw it away.
Start jizzing into the toilet like everyone else.
>>677422659
>>677423183
Please yes
just wack off while you have a shower, it's really simple.
>>677423080
Only like every couple of years when i play GTA 1 the ps1 game or something because the cheats are in there.
>>677423175
Jesus christ read the thread will ya?
>>677418961
Cum INSIDE the bear. You haven't even used that part of it yet, so it's still like 50% good.
>>677423183
>>677423296
do it so i can goto sleep
if dubs burn it and post pics
>>677423359
>>still like 50% good.
>>677418961
oooh this is just glorious! absolutely wonderful!
this teddy should be the title image for b /b/
also how did it not grow mold in 2 years?
>>677421541
The power and reset buttons are red, so it's a Mega Drive. OP confirmed eurofag.
Must see battlestation
>>677418961
When I was a teen living with my family I would cum in a dirty sock and throw it in with the dirty washing. I'd only cum in a sock once between washes, and only thick socks.
However now days I use a large hand towel as a cum towel and then I wash it when it starts to get bad. I am uncut so I very rarely use any lube, I would highly suggest you go to the supermarket and buy a silicone based lube, vaseline is a terrible messy choice. If you're too embarassed to buy it in person then you can buy it online from any number of online adult shops. Their packaging is quite discreet.
i use my gfs underwear but only when she isnt putting out much
otherwise its the shower
I'm kind of a freak. I usually just cum in my hand, swallow it, and then wash up. Started doing it when I was a kid because I was curious, and I just got used to it for some reason. It's fast and discreet, and the tissue boxes last longer.
Follow your heart, OP.
>>677423183
post more house faggot
the TRUE KING HAS ARRIVED
LONG LIVE FAP BEAR
>>677423472
probably the fucking vaseline
>>gag
>>677422989
Fucking this.
I need to see more of this abode. Habitually cums on a teddy bear, owns 3 sega genesis, has old gamer mags and is asexual.
Please op?
Burn the fuckin teddy man. If you need motivation, chances are someone close to you is gonna find it, like your mom, and you'll have to look them in the eye and explain what an autistic disappointment you are. Also start cumming in tissues like a regular person jesus christ.
>>677420758
I call bullshit. It's burned and molten.
>>677423499
Could be Aus or NZ too, we had the smegma driveâ„¢ as well.
>>677423594
>>677423296
MGQ on my TV.
i fap in that chair and put the teddy back up on the window when I'm done.
>>677418961
I cum on my hand and lick it up. Then I scoop up any excess from clothing, blankets, etc and lick that up too. I then wash my hands.
>>677423638
Yes, show us your filthy hovel
You have a problem OP. This is worse than the people who cum into socks by a long shot. Normal people just cum into tissues and flush em down the toilet. Though I guess this is /b/ so this kind of autistic shit makes sense.
>>677423499
He could be an Ausfag, the power reset buttons on mine were red and I only sold mine in 2015 after 19 years of faithful service.
>>677420318
I know. I think after this night of /b/ I might actually buy a gun and blow my brains out Kurt style
>>677423359
I wonder if that would actually work......
>>677423594
>>677423359
I just let it blast wherever it will blast, anon. Have done for decades.
>>677423756
how's the view from the window?
>>677423756
That chair from crate n barrell or cb2?
I got that set in black. Comfy as fuck
>>677423271
what is?
>>677423756
future victims
>>677423756
>mlp doll in corner
You should just commit sudoku now OP.
>>677423801
This
Otherwise this >>677423789 works, too
>>677421358
Bravo. There are sane people in the world.
FAP BEAR
HIS HOLEY HIGNESS
>>677423756
How much do you weigh? Could you post body pic?
>>677423938
some one save the animals!!!!!!!!!!!
>>677424024
kek
>>677423472
>>677423622
That's probably true.
I started using vaseline when i was 15 and i also only started washing him after 3 years of use at 1st.
Worse smell ever as it was 1st wash after 3 years of built up cum with no vaseline.
It smelled like everything crawled into the teddy to die mixed with humidity.
>>677423062
THIS
>>677422547
Dont use that one friendo, it's as hard as a rock and covered in ass sweat. Just stand and shoot your load in the corner.
>>677423756
Is that a UK power plug in the pic?
>>677423756
the fap bear is not the only thing you haven't cleaned in two years i see
>>677418961
>>677418961
My wife and I actually bought a set of mini towels exclusively for this purpose...
Using a bear? The fuck is wrong with you?
>>677423756
Moar.
Any chance at a picture of you op?
Idk why but your teddy is making me hot. You can you me to dump your cum on.... or in ;) please let me milk your cock
>>677423499
OP is Irish if you fags must know.
And I love how you knew eurofag from Sega instead of actually looking up my timestamp.
You raped Winnie the pooh! You freak /b/
>>677421750
Works sometimes.
>>677423706
Timestamp says euro
>>677423938
Fuck, I'm feeling sorry for those inanimate creatures
>>677418961
Am I going to be on Reddit?
>>677423756
I used to have that tv unit.
Ausfag, brisvegas. I bet you're the autistic cunt that bought it off gumtree from me. Kept licking his lips, gives me the skeevies.
>>677423565
Vaseline is so cheap though.
Also i can't really use socks because i have really bad athletes foots and I don't wanna infect my dick.
>>677424101
no it's a soviet model ты пидар-21 from the 1973
NOAH
IS YOUR ARK READY?
THE CUM FLOOD IS
CUMMING?
>>677424218
yes yes you are
>>677423824
Of course it will. Make a hole to skeet into. Simple. Absorbent. Teddy. You're welcome.
posting in ebin bread
>>677424061
dear OP, I would like to be your friend
>>677420758
can't you just do it in the shower or something
>>677418961
i dont know... maybe use fucking tissues like everybody else?!
Use your mom's socks then put it back in her dresser! Anon /b/
>>677423062
sometimes i move all my furniture to make room on the floor then lay on my back and fap
but it's not always convenient
fapping in shower is the next best option
>>677418961
WHY just WHY?
>Be uncut
>Fap until I'm about to cum
>Immediately close my foreskin and pinch it shut
>Cum is contained within foreskin
>Keep it pinched underneath pants
>Pull hand to the side of pants, have your thumb outside of the pants
>Looks like you're simply resting your hand at your hips
>Can walk around house inconspicuously
>No one knows you're withholding 5ml of semen in your pants
>Walk to bathroom
>Pull down pants
>Unleash cum into toilet
Easy.
Imagine being that bear though
>>677424470
Or you could just fap in bed like a regular person
Donate it to your local children's hospital
>>677423813
shut up people will realise how povvo we are down here with our 600yo video games and soft toys that recycle as cum rags when get older
>>677424502
>>No one knows you're withholding 5ml of semen in your pants
>Implying you cum as much as Peter North
Sure anon, ok.
OP, stop calling yourself asexual. It literally isn't true. At best you're teddysexual.
>>677424598
LOL
>>677422340
I use one of two large hand towels that gets used for literally nothing else. However with your reasoning have you thought about how many times you've dried your self with a towel thats previously been use to dry your Mum's arse or sisters cunt? If your reasoning is I can't use a towel for cumming into just in case I need to use it to dry my face after washing, then you may as well go full retard.
>>677424444
quads force friendhood
funny
currently single, but was in long term thing for years
trying to remember fap routine
i think i came in my hand and went to the toilet sink after
was really a terrible way to wank - all quiet a furtive
fuck that, not a good way to cum
>>677424502
this. thought i was the only one. Also, outside pants?
>>677422390
This is legit the only way this could have gotten worse for the love of all that is holly torch the house if trips
>>677423938
What is op's fucking obsession with stuffed toys?
>>677423756
Clean your fucking room some times, you dirty ass mother fucker
>>677424510
Like imagine a Toy Story type scenario. The bear is sentient but can't escape or kill itself because OP sits in the room playing vidya and watching mlp all day. The other toys tried to console it the first few times but now none can bear to be near it due to the stench.
>>677418961
W E W L A D
E
W
L
A
D
>>677424502
face it
any post, mid-orgasm maneuvers ruin your orgasm
just blow on a shirt/towel and be a human who launders regularly
>>677424768
>bear to be near it
>>677421583
i wash my cum rag every couple months
personally i wipe it on whatever im wearing if i dont plan on seeing people the rest of the day, and throw the clothes into my dirty laundry bin. if I am seeing people later on I use a shirt from the floor or something
>>677424768
>bear to be near it
You crafty fuck.
I always jizz into the underwear i'm wearing
>>677418961
Cum into a toilet you fucking retard. Or better yet onto a woman.
>>677423661
Oh they know about it but they haven't a fucking clue what it actually is.
Once i got found out and made up a pretty good lie about washing him then trying to dry him using the microwave and it was actually believed.
>>677423913
Bad enough you won't be able to tell where i am exactly.
>>677423924
Ikea.
>>677423941
Jesus I didn't think that would get in the pic.
>>677424014
About 180lbs and 5''7. Another thing worth noting is I shave my belly because the cum is easier to wipe up.
>>677424101
Already said Ireland faggot.
>>677424126
Correct.
>>677424156
No but vague description yes.
Buck teeth, Irish, fat belly, moderate length greesy unwashed hair, full face beard including neck.
>>677418961
Towels.
Also why the fuck would you use vaseline? Shits hard as fuck to wash off. Get K-Y or do it dry by just moving the skin up and down.
>> 677424510 #
I wish I was that teddy
>>677424981
>5"7
I'm sorry OP.
>>677423594
Not the only one.
>>677423801
Just in the door I see.
I don't want people telling me I have a problem, I just want people to tell me how they get rid of their jizz and so far some guys suggestion from earlier which I'm too lazy to lok for about using a cum rag is winning so far except I'll just buy a new one when it gets nasty.
>>677424855
Not really. Whilst it's pinched you can achieve orgasm by stimulating the sensitivity glands through the foreskin. In fact it's from this method that I could ejaculate without even being hard.
>>677424768
this is a comic that needs to be made. its time for a kick starter.
>>677425018
>Shits hard as fuck to wash off
Not get that feeling that OP doesn't care about that?
>>677424571
i sold it because i only use my ps3 and ouya
>>677424366
Oh this teddy won't absorb fuck all anymore like that. The years of built of vaseline have made sure of that.
>>677424981
5'7.... Must be tough
Burn the fucking beat and post it so I can sleep knowing his fate!
>>677420758
>3rd month
>It's april
kek
>>677424981
>greesy hair
>jacks off with Vaseline
>>677424749
so fucking cute
>>677424283
then use clean socks, and put them into wash after one cum. According to my local supermarkets website vaseline and lube are virtually the same price.
>>677424519
and then have to wash the sheets from the cum fallout?
>>677425150
Garth Ennis could do it justice. I'm on it!
Wow look, a piss bottle as well who would have guessed.
>>677424444
Well who can say no to that post?
>>677425221
Hollow his greasy body out and use him as a jizz pouch?
>>677418961https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mavSsoirIyE&ebc=ANyPxKoln6Vh-5sOzKT6XUclUcH5WsmCxp9Q4VM7cfbKaTSnTwtF-PoCdZHfoPY4SfAJf7vtKu9g1Mg3qMvwLaXnz9QN_Aap4g
>>677418961
Suicide.
>>677424569
This
>>677425487
I guess that would be an issue if you cum fountains. I fap too often to build up much of a splooge reservoir to do any damage other than spurting a few inches or so out onto my belly and chest
>>677425243
Rules! You Know them
you're fucking disgusting OP. It's people like you that make me feel better about my gross habits. I just use some dirty boxers and throw em back in my launrdy bin btw, easy and hard to trace
>>677418961
Toilet paper or tissues bro, it's not that hard...
>>677424981
unless your mum is a halfwit; i guarantee she knows about that bears true purpose is. There was a great blog i read about a woman with 4 teenage boys, who said she had to make sure she made noise whenever she moved through the house to try and prevent catching one of her boys boys wanking. That and she had to be careful with dirty socks, after almost cutting her hand on one.
>>677421760
This.
>Third time fapping, almost got caught by my family
>Dont know what to do to hide the jizz
>To the mouth it goes
>"Hey, this is more confortable than having to sneak to the bathroom without being caught"
>Make it a custom
I mean, of course i don't like it's taste or any of that, i just don't care. It's just a practical thing. Although i dont konw it doing it on a regular basis has any medical repercusion.
>Could anyone of you enlighten me?
>>677423270
do you have a fetish for toilets?
>>677425685
I misspelled bear though fucking Christ.
>>677426032
why wouldnt you just use a dirty sock or boxers?
>>677426032
There's no medical repercussions to drinking jizz, it's not harmful in any way.
>>677426032
It's probably very healthy.
Proteins, minerals, isotonic...
>>677424598
I'll give you that one.
>>677424736
I've had them all since childhood except Twilight including the teddy. Can't bear to get rid of them.
>>677424768
OP really likes this one.
>>677425115
>>677425222
NIce trips.
BTW big where it counts at 8.5 inches.
>>677425018
I don't wash it off, I just wipe it off and into the teddy. If it helps you feel any better my dick skin is super soft like all the time.
>>677425670
I really fucking hate when I shoot far enough into my beard, I get so pissed off when that happens.
>>677425891
>Cutting her hand on one
>>677426032
describe taste anon
postin in ebin bread
>>677422659
I wonder how your room looks like with that shit around....
But in all seriousness, if you're planning on buying a new one and you don't mind destroying the teddy anyway. Could you like, uh, cut a piece of the bear? I want to see how the inside looks like.
Why dont you take a sock?
If you pump hard enough it will squirt out of its eyes.
>>677426129
Because my family could find it, and that would be disgusting.
>>677426184
>>677426202
Well, good news for me, then.
>>677426267
A bit bitter, but mostly tasteless. The only thing wich throws me a bit appart its the texture, but oh well.
>>677426267
>>677426267
It differs on your diet faggot
>veggies and fruits, sugary taste
>red meat and dairies, sour taste
same applies for chicks also
>>677425670
some it will go over my shoulder if i try to come on my belly
>>677425685
>did not claim to be female
>did not ask for anything
do YOU know the rule ?
>>677422659
How much would I have to pay to have this bear?
>>677420758
>>677420696
burn it now OP
>>677426184
Otherwise Sasha Grey would have died well before retirement.
>>677426309
OP here, I'd like the same actually now that you mention it.
But I'm still using him at least once a day usually twice so I can't go slicing him up.
>>677426353
your family look inside you dirty socks and underwear? your mom does your laundry? wiping jizz with boxers is more disgusting than eating jizz? wtf are you smoking anon?
>>677426401
How you know?
I just use my boxers. Just kinda pull it over me
>>677426444
Imagine I actually sold you this bear.
I can't even fathom the repercussions of it.
>>677426505
aren't you worried about your penor getting infected by moldy jizz pixies?
>>677426231
Question for you OP. You seem like a reasonable dude, apart from the obvious.
You've used this thing for years. The routine itself seems to have become a part of who you are.
Something has led to the point of coming to b and asking what others do yea? So, my question is, what light went off in your head that compelled you to ask?
Followup, at what point did you realize that what you were doing wasn't common practice for others?
my mom asked me why my quilted pillow looked scaly and smelled disgusting.
I said the cat peed on it..
>>677426505
But you asked us suggestions for what we wanted you to do with the teddy and you're buying a new one anyway right?
>>677426630
Vaseline seems to prevent anything ever happening to my dick somehow.
>>677426615
Please?
>>677422390
>Asexual
>still masturbates most likely to images, videos, or some other kind of explicit material that depicts another living thing in a sexual manner.
>"but really, don't want anyone but myself"
>>677421064
You're the fucking cancer you fuckwit.
Honestly, fuck of back to your mums tit.
>>677426588
Not Anon, but theres been like 10000 magazine articles written on how to change the taste of your cum. My ex used to say regular beer drinkers didn't taste all tthat good male or female.
>>677418961
Dude...
what's it gonna take to get that copy of road rash II in the background
>>677421750
Well, at least someone else does it as well
>>677426511
Well, my mother is usually the one who gets the clothes out of the washing machine, and also the one who gets the dirty colths basket inside it. It is pposibble for her to se a cumstain while doing this, isn't it?
And im just used to it, idk.
jizz into toilet paper
flush the toilet paper
took me way too long to figure out, but im glad i finally did
>>677426652
I guarantee she didn't believe you, cat piss has its own special aroma. It's also mildly corrosive.
>>677421235
>reddit spacing
I call bullshit
>>677426794
>"Not Anon"
>Name is clearly Anon
When you're finally done bathing Jizzy Ruxpin in your cum give h a Viking funeral of you aren't gonna burn him.
>>677426650
The right way to ask that is.
I agree, it has become part of who I am, there are pictures of my as a 5 year old holding this teddy with big smiles but the i turned him into an abomination.
The light that went off is that I haven't been able to wash him in over 2 years and all the old slimy crap has started flaking off. I have to be home alone for at least 30 minutes for a quick wash then I put him in the cupboard to dry over a few days before having a giant session after the 2 or 3 days nofap.
Also realized it at about 18 or so, I'm 23 now.
Wait this thread is gonna 404. Could we take this somewhere else?
Im the only one who finds masturbating in the bath extremely unconfortable?
I mean, toilets aren't exactly confy to sit on. It thows me off.
>A case is to be made of doing it in the shower, but still.
>>677426833
not at all, thats why you wash clothes: to remove bacteria/stains
eating your own cum is fucking retarded dude, anything is better.
>>677426680
Eventually but I'm not buying a new teddy, I'll probably either start buying rags and throwing them awway once they get nasty or get a chance to wash the teddy and think "Oh he'll be fine for another couple of years somehow now"
>>677418961
what in the mother fuck
![[HorribleSubs] Rokka no Yuusha - 10 [720p].mkv_snapshot_20.45_[2015.11.10_02.56.34].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/WDB3g5m.jpg "[HorribleSubs] Rokka no Yuusha - 10 [720p].mkv_snapshot_20.45_[2015.11.10_02.56.34].jpg")
>I agree, it has become part of who I am, there are pictures of my as a 5 year old holding this teddy with big smiles but the i turned him into an abomination.
Fuck I wasn't ready for this today.
>>677426833
Your mother will absolutely know what a cum stain looks like. Think about how many times your father/ step-father must have cum on their sheets his/herw clothes whatever
>>677427125
You can buy bags of rags from hardware stores usually. Pretty cheap.
>>677424948
>cum into a toilet
Are you retarded? The 'moment' doesn't feel half as good standing up. And it's possible to fall.
>>677426688
I think you'd be the only person bidding on it.
i could put it up on ebay but the normie hands and eyes of customs and the like wouldn't have a clue.
Imagine the shipping declaration saying "12 year old cum teddy"
>>677426887
it's been years ago, and I think she wants to believe I'm not completely retarded
>>677427000
checked. dont wash him unless your parents are gone a long time. I once washed a pair of panties id been jizzing into for a month and my whole suite reeked from it getting wet. I cant imagine the smell youll unleash. Also, what would you do if a family member found your old teddy in such an unfavorable state?
>>677421358
just jizz into the toilet then pee straight afterwards?
>>677427285
custom declaration: mild biohazard.
Have you guys ever came so hard that you farted? I thought it was just a meme until last night
>>677426705
I don't watch normal porn.
I just play Eroge like MGQ, clop to ponies, fap to lolis and other general hentai stuff. Nvm 3D women.
I usually just cum on a bird
>>677424981
Irish?? Fuck mate. I'm Irish too. I always thought all Irish people were fucking boring and normal. Nothing weird about them. I am so happy you exist OP
>>677427346
you'd have to apply pressure downwards for that and it will kill the climax
wtf is wrong with you? come in a sock or in your sister's panties like normal people
>>677427032
hard to cum in the shower, usually dont have enough time. Bath is nice, sure gives your arm a workout though and sometimes i start over heating. Also, once i get out i end up with little bits of dried cum on me later. Toilet faps will ruin your back in no time, unless youre a youngin.
in my years of experience at least.
>>677426798
You''d have to sit on my window for the rest of your life pretending to be a teddy.
I'll never sell it, I got it at 3 with that very sega 20 years ago and I love it so much.
>>677424981
>moderate length greasy unwashed hair
This is one of the things that bothers me the most about neckbeards when I see them. Why the fuck is personal hygiene such a bother to you people? I get annoyed when I accidentally skip a day of not showering let alone let my hair build up enough grease to be described as "greasy". Just thinking about it makes my head itchy. How do you not get bothered by it? Its one thing to be an utter slob and not clean your living space but why not clean yourself? I bet you smell horrid.
>>677427522
You loved it too much by the looks if it.
Thread reminds me of something i saw while deployed.
>at base laundry mat, getting uniforms cleaned.
>person in front of me is watching as his dirty cloths are individually counted and recorded by middle Eastern worker.
>worker pulls a crusty jizz rag out of the guys laundry bag
>yells "NO!", and slams it on the table
>didn't change its shape, shit was rock solid
>guy grabs jizz rag back and begins walk of shame back to his room
>>677420902
You wouldn't know legendary if you saw it. Fuck off, fag.
Just stop being a faggot and clean the stupid fucking thing.
>>677427213
what kind of shitty washer/detergent cant get rid of cumstains? you probably dont do your own laudry right?
Put that thing in the washing machine or better yet give it a viking funeral. Teddy deserves peace after all its been through
>>677426845
BINGO you just gave me an idea.
I literally always have like 50 empty cans on the floor of my room so I can jizz into the toilet paper then stuff it into an empty can.
Once I fill the can with enough jizzy paper paste I just start with a fresh can.
Some good ideas in this thread to experiment with.
>>677424981
>Buck teeth, Irish, fat belly, moderate length greesy unwashed hair, full face beard including neck.
damn son, sounds like you got slapped with some tough genetics.
This thread makes me wish I hadn't deleted my "cribs of the rich and famous" folder with a load of pics of disgusting Japanese hikkikomori dens and autistic fap caves.
OP, have you ever considered a fleshlight?
>>677427000
Cheers man! Good luck with the rag experiment.
>>677427337
Continue the lie about the microwave a few years ago and just left him where he is for many years.
why do you even need to use some "cum rag" or some shit? I just cum in my pants every time and wipe my cum with the pants.
>>677427676
just cum into dirty socks or boxers and wash wash them with your other ones for fucks sake. what is wrong with you people?
>but thats grosss
its sure better than a moldy cum teddy are a garbage can full of cum tissues.
>>677420758
Get free condoms from health unit uni whatever in you area. Put it on, jack it. Pull it off, tie it up and throw it away. Easiest cleanup ever.
>>677426231
>can't bear to get rid of them
>bear
>>677427635
I am talking about when his mum puts the dirty clothes in. And I moved out from my parents more than 20 years ago, so I've been doing my own laundry for... more than 20 years.
Even cheap detergent will get cum stains out of fabric
>>677427215
Imagine you fell and hurt yourself covered in your own jizz on the floor bleeding while holding you dick in one hand and someone comes to investigate.
>>677424903
>wipe it on whatever im wearing
>if i dont plan on seeing people the rest of the day
You're gonna reap the harvest you've sown if you forget just once
>>677427776
you must smell amazing to other people
>>677427454
Irish definition of "bird" can include "woman" or "girl" in a few parts of the country.
>>677421358
Only way to do it, if you're not a degenerate.
>>677427924
but then you smell like fucking condom lube all day every day
>>677427458
Thanks man.
>>677427723
I think a fleshlight is a bit advanced for OP. I own one, I think they are great but they do require cleaning & drying after everytime you use it. I live alone so I can leave my out to dry, and clean & refresh it everytime.
