ITT: I'm being fired today so what do? Nothing illegal
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: I'm being fired today so what do?
Nothing illegal
Nothing insanely crazy
Just weird shit that will piss off my boss
Go to a reptile store.
Buy 100 cockroaches
Release them in his store
madness
Turn 360 degrees and walk out of the building.
>>676722469
I think that's illegal? It could be considered vandalism I believe. I live in 'Murica
shit in the corner
>>676722505
Lmao. I like that. I at least want the hours today. If he kicks me out early then oh well but I want to say I was here.
>>676722282
>get 3 pigs
>write "1" on one pig
>write "2" on another pig
>write "4" on another pig
>unleash in store
>they'll be so busy looking for the 3rd pig they wont see the mattress in the pool
>usually takes a crane to get it out
cum on matress
>>676722282
Scream allahu akbar
Mask yourself and put them in his cockroach, you know where CCTV is and where not. Good luck 1
>>676722656
Fuuck, if only we had a pool. Also, we have tons of carpet remnants standing up in the back and a Forklift if that helps you guys.
Shit in the cistern of the toilet.
Half full Apple juice bottles hidden around store, preferably in warm places where no-one goes.
piss on em
Call OSHA on him. Chances are he's cutting corners with safety somewhere.
Slowly rotate all the recliners a few degrees clockwise once per hour until they're all facing a different direction. Then burn the place down
OP you've negated anything even remotely cool, and even those ideas were extremely weak. It sounds like you're not ready to for our brand of mischief.
Please be gone from /b/.
You can cower in fear from your 'muricin laws somewhere else.
>>676722505
Turning 360 degrees would point you in the same direction you started, 180 degrees
>>676722903
top kek
>>676723008
I think he was saying to do a full turn for dramatic effect then walk out, so, 540.
Glue in the toilet door locks. Lock them in the open position.
Make up words when describing products to customers
>>676723008
Smells so frash
>>676722567
Here is what you do,
work really hard, don't be a nig.
Shit under the mattresses!
>>676723122
Sell things at cost or below.
>>676723008
>being this new
welcome to the internet
Swap all the price tags 5 mins before you leave
>>676722878
Actually he is. Like really hardcore. I'm not even trained to use the Forklift and he made me anyway. We use a breaker panel to turn on and off the lights. What else is there for that?
Just super glue everything to everything else
>>676722282
Turn all the merchandise odd angles so that no customers can try them out.
Use boss's email to sign up for all sorts of junk newsletters, etc.
Follow boss around store, making sure to be within six inches of him at all times.
Offer to load a mattress into a customer's car. Strain a muscle while doing it and file for worker's comp.
>>676723008
Captain obvious
Find best matress and take a nap.
take a matress into your boss' office and take a nap
>>676723579
This
>>676723579
Yeah, that'd be hilarious.
Set up a little comfort room with all the couch cushions and shit.
>>676723008
Newfag
>>676723579
Roll for this
build a fort and don't let anyone in
Post the company email here, we could spam it with shit.
>>676723008
Heard of moonwalking? RETARD
>>676722747
I'm doing this when he gets here
>>676722878
I'm going to do this
>>676722903
Definitely doing this except I'll just do it all at once
>>676723122
Definitely doing this one
>>676723133
Not doing this
>>676723175
Doing this
>>676723192
Definitely this
>>676723224
I wish I could do this
>>676723229
Maybe?
>>676723579
Doing this
Thank you guys for all the suggestions. If you guys want to see some pictures, just post what you want to see and I'll most likely do it
>>676722656
>tfw no one believes me the first crane post in that bread was me
these are legit tumblr responses.
>the day you realize that /b/'s 9gag/reddit/tumblr infestation is much worse than you imagined. and has been for some time.
>>676724349
Don't blame us, OP is a pussy and won't shit on the mattresses and push roadkill into the air vents.
>>676722718
This
Sleep on the job.
>>676724207
Just post pics of whatever you do, nigger.
>>676724517
Yeah, we went with pragmatism not idealism
>>676724274
if you wanted attention, an anonymous imageboard might not be the best plan.
>>676722282
shit in bathroom dont flush
>>676724703
>another typical tumblr response
>>676722656
do one better, rub a huge amount of shit on some beds in the same numbers, this way you don't need to find livestock...
>>676724703
If you say so
>>676723194
Well if he's trying to fire you just blackmail him saying you'll go to the government and tell them about how he forces untrained staff to use a forklift lmao why are you so afraid of this guy be a man and take what you deserve which is paid leave.
>>676722282
what the fuck? do you work in a Detroit furniture shop?
>>676723122
OP here
>Hi ma'am what can I help you with?
>Well we have this Autizmo Mattress
>Ohhh that's really nice
>Sleep on the curpumpkrin of it
She gave me the most confused look. It was priceless
>>676723091
no that'd be 720
>>676724207
1. Take a firm but sloppy shit in hand
2. inhale whilst shit is pressed against nose
3. ????????????????????????????
4. Profit
Do you guys want the number? It's a really good furniture store :^)
>>676722282
btw. is this the whole shop?
So, there's a boss office to this mid-tier cow barn too?
>>676725322
>not just doing a 360 BS Kickflip
>>676722282
Piss on everything
>>676722282
film yourself jumping on the beds and post online, later show your boss the video
>>676722282
Drink buckets of coffee and liquid-shit on every bed and sofa.
Why you getting fired? Hmmmm
>>676722282
Obviously stuff poo and tuna fish in-between random cushions and mattresses.
>>676725770
Apparently I'm not strong enough, even though I can lift a 200 fucking pound remnant carpet onto my shoulder with no problem. Either it's a shitty excuse or he's really just that retarded.
>>676723194
get proof, report to osha. Seriously. He's going to get some faggot killed.
>>676725884
Sue him for discrimination. Or show him how strong you are, overpower him and then rape him
>>676726109
Post results
>>676723008
absolute newfag or a baitfag.
>>676722282
take a shit under the cushion of one of those chairs and just leave it there.
>>676725939
I'm definitely doing this. I don't know how to get proof that he basically forced me to use the forklift. It was a long time ago and all of us use it every day. Plus I don't want to get in trouble with the feds or some shit.
piss or shit on a bed or somewhere else
>>676726473
Isn't it a violation of federal law to use one without a certificate or some shit?
>>676722282
You're getting fire because you're a lazy, incompetent, and always late and you want to get revenge on your boss?
Must be a millenial.
>>676722656
Haha someone did this in my school except instead of pigs they shot up the school
>>676726601
I'm not lazy whatsoever. I'm not incompetent. ( I'm better than the new guy they hired) I'm never late and no, I want to just fuck with him and expose the wrong shit he does in his place of business.
>>676723194
Is the breaker panel shit illegal? GF works in a furniture shop and it'd be a pain in the ass to turn off 50+ lamps when she can just flip a switch...
>>676726722
Holy shit that made me laugh lmao
>>676724142
Woah now, no need to yell...
Get clear glue, remove phone cable/Ethernet cable from credit card machines and any other devices you can find, place very smal drops where you can see bare copper ends of conductor and wires on connector.
No more credit card transactions.
>>676726794
Then why are you being fired?
>>676726794
u should sue for inscriminations. we don't really have civil legal recourses in the UK for these type of transgreshons. ur lucky ur in the US in that ragard
>>676724940
TIL people actually think tumblr is more mature than 4chan.
Have you tried not being a massive, immature, underage, failure of a faggot and thinking like a normal person for once?
>>676727034
This
>>676727220
you sound... angry. not a proportionate response to the fag.
>>676727094
You type like a retard...
But without verbal or written proof there's no way he could pin discrimination on his employer.
>>676727499
Dude's making fun of someone for NOT being an immature psychopath with their suggestions. Shame is the best way to get through to idiots.
Fill pockets with coleslaw or rice pudding and just stand there in middle of shopping pullinh it out handfull at a time and eating. Of course allow it ro spaghetttie everywhere
>>676722282
Take all of the mattresses and stack them on top of each other, then when he notices pull the bottom one and watch him lose his shit.
>>676728107
You've never moved mattresses, have you?
>>676728107
>>676728267
No he hasn't. Some of them can get fucking heavy.
>>676728267
People are saying burn the fucking place down, but NOOOOOO my idea is not possible.
>>676727034
You can also follow runs to a place not covered by security cams, then get very sharp blade and Nick the cables in random places.
>>676729051
Bruh, go park your car on top of a 2x4 and then just pull that fucker out from under it.
Same diff.
>>676725884
So if he's firing you using a BS reason, what is the actual reason he is firing you for.
It must be something he ain't legally allowed to use for an excuse then>>
>>676722763
if forklift is propane hide the cylinders
Fart loudly like it ain't no thang. All day.
If customers are about try to blame it on the boss.
Reminder: OP Is a fucking faggot.
>>676727036
The silence is your answer
Is there music, OP? Can you change it?
Fuck this bullshit thread. I'm out OP. Enjoy digging dinner out of the dumpster from now on,
when the next customer comes in, start crying and run as fast as you can to the furthest mattress from the door, assume the fetal position on said bed until cops come and ask you to leave, then ask to use the bathroom before you leave, smear shit on EVERYTHING.
>>676722282
Huh, you didnt hear me? Op is a fucking faggot
Fart in boss's office. Anyone say Fart in boss's yet? Loudly. Push it real good.
OP just order 10 pizzas. Text random people the address for party (store). Give name for pizza as your bosses name. Smile as you walk out the door
>>676726722
I can't breathe, KEK
>>676730911
9/11 get!
OP FAG just spray liquid ASS in the store then bail
>>676726722
wow, go back to 9gag
>>676726722
Make a sign that says "Planned Parenthood" and tape it to the front window.
>>676722617
roll
>>676731264
This plus loads of Trump stickers
>>676722282
Looks like the mattress store in Buffalo Minnesota
>>676731535
That would make the store great again you fucking fag.
>put sanders stickers everywhere
>customers walk in
>they take mattresses
>no more income for that store
>>676724036
this is good
>>676725384
how tho
Build a wall in front of the door
Hire Mexicans to build it
Call ICE on illegal Mexicans
Prophet
Rearrange all the furniture, pull all the foot rests out, drape all bedding over the chairs, flip the sign to closed for the remainder of the day.
Jet Fuel
Steel
....
>Do it faggot
TELL ALL THE CUSTOMERS THE SHOP IS CLOSED BECAUSE OF AIDS
>>676723008
Newfag detected.
>>676734050
Best one fuck the other shit off, faggot tits
