ITT: True stories that no one will believe. >be 2014 >be

>>675324525
no one ever found out. I don't know anyone from that part of town and I never got questioned by anyone for it. for all I know it could have been a stray.

>>675324525
One. You are bitch and the dog knew it. An Alpha predator emits badass, a beta will bow before it. Eye contact. Stare right into that fuckers eyes until it looks away. Then it knows you ain't a bitch. Puff up, appear bigger than you are. Don't fucking run. A dogs natural instinct is to chase game... you fucking killed that dog because you don't know how to alpha.

>>675325002
Why do any of that? I don't have to play it's stupid game. I am the superior predator and I proved it on the most basic, universal level by killing it.

I continue to carry to this day and have no problem putting down any dog so long as there's no one around. If there's people, i'd let it get a little closer before killing it.

If you have a dog, don't let it roam around like that. Fence in your yard or just accept that it'll scare something with the capacity to kill it.

>>675324695
Nice hahahahaha that's actually jokes

I got one
>got off bus at my stop
>girl I've never seen before gets off too, were alone
>she starts walking then I behind her
>I notice she's looking anxious
>starts speeding up head down
>looks behind her at me and speeds up even more
>Im confused
>turns around again and starts sprinting down the street
>phone in her hand by her ear
>wtf wtf wtf are the cops coming?
>I speed walk down a random street
>get hormone eventually
>see cop cruiser passing by my house a few times

Stupid bitch had me scared as fuck. "Rape culture"

>the other day
>flying back from lansing, 11pm
>pitch black
>talking to 123.0 with 122.7 in standby
>go to switch to 22.7
>depress button, does not un-depress
>freq's do not swap
>fiddle with button, nothing works. Can't change frequiencies
>ok no big deal, just have to be careful coming in, no one usually around at night anyway
>get closer to home
>dawns on me I can't get the runway lights on if I'm not on that freq
>ok game time, this is not a drill. we goin in blind kids.
>know where airport rotating beacon is relative to runway, keep eye on that as I make pattern
>line up for big long space of emptiness
>landing AND taxi lights on for max illumanati
>land without incident because I am a champion.

it wasnt that hard actually. though if i was wrong or dumb i could have easily died.

>>675326062
i couldn't imagine being someone so weak.

>>675326295
shit nigga, godlike clutch.

>>675325002
>hurr durr you need to prove yourself to the dog.

No. If you are a non-human and you charge at me, you will get killed. It's a shame it doesn't have the cognitive capacity to think about what it's about to do, but that's not my problem. I refuse to put myself in a potentially harmful situation because someone was too stupid to keep their dog inside.

Human > Animal

>>675324525
I have one
I used live in Amsterdam, so weird shit sometimes happened
>Be me
>Be 15
>Be 2007
>Be sitting in park with a friend
>Homeless man slowly walks around
Haha anon look at that hobo
>Ohshitheheard.jpeg
>Hobo walks upto us
>Sits down on bench we are sitting on
>Hand my friend a huge pack of weed
>Wtf.png
W-w-what am I supposed to do with it mr.hobo?
>Doesnt reply, walks away
>Watdonow.gif
Lets just go home anon
>K
>Go home, turns out it was a 1 kg pack of weed
>Wtf, that shits worth a few hundred euros
>Why did a hobo have it
>why do we have it
>give it to police since we were stupid

10/10

>go into meijors
>well winter dressed pea coat, scarf, thin leather gloves
>go through self checkout with most expensive dyson vacuum they had, pay in cash
>put vac in car
>immediately go back in, other door, receipt in hand, straight back and grab a second dyson, walk out
>throw second dyson in car, drive home
>return one at another store with receipt.
and thats how i got a free dyson ball animal

>>675324525
ive been posting this a lot since it happened
>be past friday
>drunk at st patricks day party
>me, gf, girl, and gay guy separate from party, end up in parents bedroom
>i say "we should all take off our clothes and cuddle"
>didnt mean anything by it im just drunk and high
>were in our underwear in parents bed
>gf touching my dick under sheets
>girls bf comes in, they start making out
>me and my gf start making out
>gay guy in the middle
>asks if he can try kissing my gf
>okay sure
>gf ask if ill try kissing him
>if i like it, more power to me right?
>okay sure
>def not gay though
>me, gf, other girl, girls bf all making out hardcore
>me and dude fingering gfs, moaning and shit
>gfs sucking our dicks
>me and dude brofist, best ever
>gay guy asks to suck my did
>okay sure
>still not gay
>slow down cause it gets a little weird
>im definitely not bi
>all masturbating
>get right back into it
>gay dude sucks off other straight dude, but straight dude doesnt give a fuck
>end up fucking my gf while girl getting eaten by bf
>holding other girls hand while getting my dick sucked
>girl getting fingered hard squeezing my hand, squeeze hers while i cum in gfs mouth
seriously this actually happened this spring break

>>675328233
Degenerate fucks.

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>>675328233
the rando gay dude is the part that makes it really weird and it only detracts from the storys overall hotness

>not gay tho
can you answer 'have you had your erect dick sucked by a man' with a "no"? mfw

>>675328233

You should consider working on your story telling.

>>675328836
actually the answer is no since i went soft as soon as he touched it, gf had to get it working again
and i put in the gay part because its true and actually happened, its not a made up story so i made sure to include most details although some were left out because irrelevant
>>675328718
you seem fun

>>675329060
how would you tell it differently? i wrote it out from memory in one go and copied it for later

>>675328836
they show up at parties, wat do, might as well go with it.

>>675324525
you faggot, carrying a pf9 in condition 3 means you only have 6 rounds.

>>675328233
>kiss a guy
Not gay
>get my dick sucked by a guy
Definitely not gay

You're a fucking horrible, modern PC faggot cunt.

>>675329565
if i was part gay i would have written it in there cause being bi would have made that experience even better. gay isnt an insult to me but its something i am definitely not. refer to >>675329546
still got my dick sucked by two people at once and im alright with that

I got one
>Get up
>Enjoy my life for one day
>Go back to sleep

>>675329554
rekt

>>675326062
you looked creepy as fuck I guess, go outside more

>>675329821
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I believe the second you have sexual contact with another guy you should lose all access to women and spend the rest of your days poking fudge and sucking smegma.

>>675330343
too bad my long term girlfriend and her girl friend we had the orgy with want to do it again with just MF MF, no extra guys and get way freakier
sorry anon

>>675325002
That's retarded

>>675330702
But there's still another fucking guy there you little retard.

>>675325513
this guy

you don't think about acting alpha against a dog, you just are.

if that needs explaining then you should just keep on shooting dogs, retard.

>>675324525
omg this is so unbelievable stop making up lies you cuck

>>675324525
Good one OP
fuck dogs

Woody Harrelson and his fat friend dressed in matching American flag themed biker clothes ran into me and knocked me over at a rush concert around 2011~ish

>>675325002
bait, but had dogs all my life from youth, dogs will still attack you if you stare at them, they will take it as a challenge and dogs are mostly stupid.
The only thing that could save you if you don't look at the dog and don't have fear, because dogs smell it miles away.
If you have a small bit of fear in you, you're fucked.
if you have none and act like to dog does not exist then you're mostly fine, but not if the dog is a nutcase.
If the dog starts barking it's a pussy dog, like people who start to yell, some mafia guys just will knock you out without saying a word, just like with dogs with biting.
If the dog makes no sound and goes toward you aggressively, you're fucked, if he barks, well mostly you can just act alpha and scare it away, but don't take chances, is the dog crazy or not, if you have no experience with dogs.
People are afraid of things they don't understand.
Pitbulls are shit dogs, they just clutch to your arm, if you don't let the panic get your head, you have some time before the adrenaline wears off and you'll feel pain, so you could just stab the dog or beforehand if you have good reaction, but it happens once in a million, grab the dog by the collar or neck and stab it, you have more mass you could over wrestle it, but depends on the dog, some breeds can bite your bones in half or they will jump to your neck straight away.

>>675326062
>get hormone eventually
belt yourself in the face right now you cuck

>>675328718
this tbh
what a fucking faggot cuck to let a faggot suck your dick and kiss your gf

>>675324525
>Be me
>Be 16
>Be going to party with friends
>Theres weed, liquor and hotdogs
>Be pretty much immune to drugs and alchohol
>Hey anon here you go
>Hands cup filled with Jack daniels
>God damnit joey thats not how it works
>ohwell.jpeg
>Chug entire cup
>Dont like alchohol even though Im pretty much immune
>Shits nasty
>Friend is completely wasted
>Some grills arrive
>Wasted friend on couch
>Wasted girl comes upto me and starts talking to me
>wtf.jpeg
>Sits on my lap, disgusted at having kissed with my wasted friend
Yeah that is pretty nasty
>No anon you dont understand, it went like this
>Gets off my leg kisses him again
>After theyre done friend pukes all over her face
>Motherofgod.jpeg
>Girl starts puking
>puke everywhere
>they slip off the ground and roll around in their puke
>People near start puking
>holy shit its happening
>Puke fucking everywhere
>WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WOMAN!
>Gotta leave
>Now
>Walk to the door
>Literally only sober person
>puke is fucking everywhere
>The guys' house is fucked
>Feelsbadman
>Leave

This event got known as the pukening

>>675327122
Fuck you

>>675329339
Lol massive closet faggot

>>675332444
nice trips

>be me going through a furry phase
>I have a fursuit and my buddy called me over as said we should role play
>we are in his front yard pretending to be guard dogs
>he had German Shepard fursuit mine was a pit bull
>patrol the area for about 10 minutes
>friend goes inside to get a drink because it's hot out
>I am sitting in my front yard
>see someone walking far away
>figure I could scare them off with my superior acting
>"Ruff ruff ruff"
>he keeps coming
>this is my territory and I'll protect it to the end
>he pulls out something from his fannypack
>it looks like a treat!
>run full pace at him hoping for a yummy snack
>he points the treat at me
>all of a sudden my arms and legs stop working and I hurt a lot
>collapse and see a shit ton of blood
>wake up in hospital hook up to life support
>apparently I was assaulted in the street by a complete stranger
>he shot me 7 times
>I can't walk now and I have to live the rest of my life in a chair
>thanks OP, you faggot

>>675324525

I once said no to having sex with a pretty famous porn star (becuse Im an idiot)

>>675325513
>proved you're alpha by using a gun to kill a dog
Wow, nice job. You're definitely alpha for using a tool to kill a dog. Might aswell use a tractor to run over a sheep and then claim to be alpha.

Let's just forget about the fact you almost passed out from having a dog run towards you.

>>675324525
That's horrible, OP. But honestly you were simply defending yourself.

Seriously you should consider talking this out with a professional. It's confidential and they'll help you sort it out.

>>675331192
im not gonna be fucking the guy obviously
maybe some couple swapping but no guy on guy shit. probably wont do that again

>>675332794
still had an orgy
shit was cash

>>675328233
drunken sexplay, anon
no big deal
sounded like fun

>>675331883
The ones that jump (breeds or training), you grab their front legs. Pull outwards as hard as you can. Even a skinny fat could snap a fucking mastiff's legs like fucking pencils that way. If the leg doesn't break, the shoulder will dislocate.

>>675333604
I need to know tho..how weird was it. With the fag and what he did. Was it just all good bc of the moment and other ppl being cool? Sounds fucking weird dood

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>>675333060
kek

>>675333738
it was tons of fun
we sobered up next morning and were still friends, even closer now

I almost stopped a school shooting.... almost
>be November 2014
>be me
>be student teacher
>it's a fairly small, conservative town with a high LDS population
>despite being a public school, students are a lot more repressed than normal
>they even have to do religious bullshit despite this going against what normally flies in public schools
>apparently during the previous year, some kids had started selling shoes to each other
>started as a joke, but some more wealthy kids ended up getting some "rare" shoes and sold them for more money
>start of new school year and kids are actually competing with each other
>"wtf they're just shoes you repressed ingrates"
>fuckers can't get drugs so I guess this is the answer for the would be entrepreneurs
>kids start forming fucking gangs
>fucking shoe gangs, or "kicks" gangs as these wannabe gangstas would have you say
>one gang call themselves the Kids Kicks Klan
>you're fucking MORMONS WTF
>principal starts having us confiscate extra kicks to avoid conflict
>become the mighty Kicks Confiscator!
>pretty good at my job since kids are idiots and think teachers don't know how the retards think
>we do... we really do
>things are getting better until fucking Lebron releases his new signature shoes
>you might remember them if you watched a lot of commercials during this time
>the Nike Pump Ups
>they're very expensive, but kids are already getting their hands on them
>robberies are being reported from shoe stores in the local city
>kids seem way more protective of these shoes than before
>this being a rural town, it's common for people to have hunting rifles at home
>start hearing rumors about kids storing guns in their lockers
>assume it's bullshit
>it's not
>on a normal day, teaching drama class in the school theatre
>first time teaching in there
>hear shots

>>675333060
Love it

>>675334282
Continued
>go through lock down procedure
>kids are crying while some are saying that they expect it's a member of the Kids Kicks Klan
>I try to calm them down, but truth be told, I was terrified
>start hearing movement behind the stage...
>I'd left the stage exit open for some air
>FUCK
>shooter comes in
>recognize her as one of my favourite students in my Outdoor Ed class
>start trying to talk her down, but she hears my lack of confidence
>what do want from me, they don't teach you how do deal with this shit
>she hasn't started shooting yet and I'm beginning to think I should just rush her
>she'd only be able to get one shot off
>she's scanning the room
>figure she's looking for rival gang members
>ask her what she's going to do
>she realizes that there are no gang members in my class so she starts backing to the exit
>I ask her again "what's going to happen now?"
>she says to me "all the other kids with their Pumped Up Kicks you better run better run, faster than my bullet."

>>675333849
honestly was barely weird. before i let him suck my dick i took another shot, fooled around with my girl more, and then let him do it. definitely strange but you gotta live
the other straight guy ended up getting sucked by the gay guy for a bit and he enjoyed it more than I did and he was sober for the whole thing. all of us are really close friends and were very open sexually so even when it was "weird", it was still hot as shit, being sexually free and all that

>>675324525
You did good OP, no one likes nigger dogs except niggers. Best for everyone to kill them

>>675334715
whats it like being 13?

>>675326062
>>675327122
A bar manager tried to give me a big old bag of weed last time I was in the Dam meeting some Dutch marines I'd worked with before, said a customer left it in the bar earlier for anyone. Had to turn it down because military myself but it's not uncommon for tourists to leave what they can't smoke anywhere if they are soon to return to other European countries it's not legal in. Most Dam residents don't touch it nor do they enjoy those tourists that do, but it's more hassle for them to hand it in.

>>675334374
for fucks sake

>>675334374
>"all the other kids with their Pumped Up Kicks you better run better run, faster than my bullet."
Fuck you

>>675333466

i'd like to see your reaction when a pitbull runs up to you. i would've done the same thing as OP

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>>675334599
Well shit anon, that's awesome. Good for you man. Life is all about those experiences and all and that's one hell of a time lol

>>675334860
>I was in the Dam
My sides, my sides man
> Most Dam residents don't touch it
Yes they do, and what the fuck are you saying
>The Damn
My sides, it hurts

>>675334374
Go fuck yourself

>>675334374
Fuck you got me.

I always wear my snarling wolf picture printed T-shirt when going into an area where dogs are loose. It intimidates them enough to know to stay away.

>>675333787
Central Asian Shepherd dog isn't just a easy go for example, they weight 40-70kg depending on the dog.
if that fucker is standing on his back legs, his higher than a regular human.
But that leg thing might work, but only on some dogs and it's a hard thing to do, a person needs to be familiar with dogs and a boxer like reaction with some training.

>>675334374
>>she's scanning the room
>>figure she's looking for rival gang members
So I'm the only oldfag here who thought this was going to end "Kicks just keep getting harder to find"?

>God bless Paul Revere and the Raiders

>>675335381
Delete this.

>>675326295
>i landed a plane on a big open runway!

good job you air-truckdriver

>>675336832
Oh shit
>The dam
Just got real

>>675324525

>"I am the superior predator"
Needs to empty a 9mm in order to stop inferior predator... and not pee pants.

itt
using words like dump and empty
total sexually driven morons.
dur gun dog alpha

stay on your computers, neckbeards

I've got one

>Be last month
>walking to a 7/11 in the hood
>I live just outside the hood because poor
>standing in line to buy cigs, batteries and snickers bar
>some nigger keeps staring at me while I stand in line
>Scared as fuck since I'm a weak white guy, don't have a gun or anything
>I pay with a 50$ bill because I'm retarded
>girl gives me my change, nigger is still staring
>I hurry outside, try to put away change and things I bought
>drop my money like a retard
>while I pick it up store nigger and another nigger approach me
>Ask me if they could hold a few bucks, I politely decline
>start walking away, niggers following me
>speed up, one nigger pushes me
>I stumble, start running
>other nigger trips me, I fall
>nigger pulls out a knife, says to give him money or he will cut my bitch ass
>i start fumbling around my pockets
>at that moment, a cop car passes by
>now this was in a pretty open street, but it was late and in the hood
>Cop car stops, cop opens the door
>get on the floor
>everybody walk the dinosaur

True story

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Anon went outside? unbelievable.

>17
>uncle's wedding means a big family reunion with cousins i haven't seen in years
>eldest cousin is 27, hot as hell
>didn't know her well but started getting along very well during the reunion
>drunk af at the wedding reception
>took the party home where we were all staying
>we all wanted to watch a movie, so we watched gangs of new york in the theatre room
>sitting on the back couch with eldest cousin
>part way through, she leans on me and puts her head on my shoulder
>put my arm around her
>she snuggles in closer
>stay that way for awhile
>move my hand down to rest on her ass
>no reaction from her
>start to grope and feel dat ass
>feel her hand start to rub my thigh
>start to slide my hands into her pants to feel that bare ass
>she starts to stroke my dick through my pants
>start to finger her hole
>she coughs
>wrong hole
>"s-sorry"
>she smirks at me and rearranges herself better
>find her actual vagina
>finally get my fingers up in there
>soaking wet
>she shudders and sighs, her hand still stroking my dick through my pants
>get really excited and start to fingerfuck really fast
>she's tensed up and shaking, stopped rubbing me
>after awhile feel her vag practically crush my fingers
>she came
>after calming down she exhales, looks up and winks at me
>unzips my pants and pulls down my underwear
>rock hard dick pops out into the cool, open air
>thisiscrazy.png
>takes me all the way into her mouth
>bliss
>she goes to town on my dick, slurping and sucking like crazy
>final battle in the movie, loud fighting going on so no one else can hear
>even then, im trying so hard not to moan or gasp too loudly
>left hand resting on top of her head, stroking her hair while she goes to work
>right hand groping that ass
>move my right hand under her shirt and her bra
>cup her tit in my hand
>feel her hard nipple in my palm
>bust my load instantly
>she swallows it all
>exhausted i pass out

>>675334374
I love what you wrote. Saw it coming, actually, but kekked. Nicely done.

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>>675333060
>my sides
Gave me a good chuckle m9

>>675334860
As I left the Dam, I approached the train station for the final time of that visit. I scanned the station's exits for arriving people like me: generally speaking, tourists. I spotted a couple of looked like Westerners, probably US-UK-Canada tourists arriving in the Dam. A blonde girl and her dark blonde boyfriend, with builds more like English descent than American or Nordic. Could have been any of the three, or other look-alikes.

Walked up to them.

"Are you two just getting here?"

"Yeah."

"I am just heading to the airport. Want this bag of weed?"

"Oh, don't you need it?"

"I have this pre-rolled for the airport, and this edible for the duration of the flight back to US city were I can get back to my own, admittedly inferior stash. This is a bag of some anon strain from the Ukrainian place."

"Cool, thanks Anon."

Tourists generally take the offered bag of weed. Generally take train to airport and eat that first of two edibles on the train.

Get to airport and smoke 2g joint.

Eat 2nd edible.

Fly back to land of then-tolerated, now-legal weed.

>>675334374
Didn't see it coming. Good one.

>>675327122
A one key "pack" of weed. You have no concept of the volume weed takes up even if it was hash you'd be like wtf dude, that's a lot