ITT: We live in a medieval city
>Listening to a town crier shouting about grain prices
>Raping a nun behind the temple well
>Hanging out at the gallows
>slowly dying of disease
>not being a faggot and living 2016
>shit in the streets
>>674453403
>smelling all the shit in the street
>>674453403
>>happy in the knowledge that the USA doesn't exists yet and isn't fucking up the planet
>lost arm because of small infection
>masturbating furiously to my sheep
>no seriously it smells like some shit out here
>>674454153
>Fucking the sheep
>I should write a play, maybe about three witches or something idk
>cut myself in the finger
>better write my will
>>674454224
>whats that smell?
>cutting heads clean with your claymore just 'cause they touched your jar
>I'm going to start a company selling rope! I'm thinking of the name "Google" what do you guys think?
>>674454315
>It's the smell of the black plague, cover your nose quick!
>still surfing with 56k
>"This is a nice town, isn't it?"
>be me
>shitty life
>literally shitty
>like shit everywhere
>a lot of shit
>a lot
>that's about it
>>674453403
>be dead
because I'm 37
>>674454389
>if you dont give me a discount i'll spread the rumor that you're a witch
Roger here, anybody want a shrubbery?
>>674453403
>already dead
>>674454740
OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
>Walk down the road, get shit thrown at them. "Hey Anon, You shitposting again?"
>>674454710
>GUARDS THERE'S A WITCH HELP ME HES CAST A DREADFUL CURSE ON ME IM BLIND HELP GAURDS
>hear rumour that people with burnt skin live in a far away land
>am black
>become black knight
>win tournament and defeat evil lord
>go to fuck hot princess
>return to 1990s
>mfw life was better in medieval times
>Counting my four gold coins that I've had since I was a child
>shitting on the street because a wizard told me to
Wizards man. No sense of right and wrong
>>674454975
>be guard
>look it's that fool that's trying to sell ropes
>what's he screaming about?
>kill dude with spear
>continue patrol
>Fus Ro Dah!!
>>674454926
>he was in fact not shit posting
>this was just medieval england
>>674453403
>checking my dubs
>>674454918
Are you saying 'Ni' to that old woman?
>Be me
>Wizard
>Get all bitches
>Cause I saved town
>One day knightfag comes in
>Steals all bitches
>Fucking knights man
>chilling in ceder rapids
>>674455374
But you just said it
>>674455374
>Be no longer Knight who says NI
>Be knight who now says ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing
>>674453403
I have no teeth, live in a thatched hovel infested with bugs and rodents, and roll in shit looking for corn to feed my family. YURP!
> Standing in one place so I don't fall off the edge of the world
>>674455717
Living the life bro!
Be White knight riding into town -that doesn't know how to green text.
>>674455131
>be wizard
>tell some retarded faggot he should start shitting in the street
>mfw these peasants will believe anything I say to them
>be me in medieval city
>illiterate so no write good
>mind goats while wife is kill almost
>fuck goats because wife cunt swollen
>make 2 copper pieces shining cunt knight armor
>trade goat cum for bread
>make home to swollen wife
>she almost kill
>I make her bread in her mouth
>she eats
>iwatch
>her seeing spheres start fountaining
>legs spasm
>wife is kill
>carry her meat to necropolis
>goats follow cuz i love affair with goats
>dig hole
>dig
>dig more
>goats watch
>one goat stares
>her name Herodi
>she is needing mounting
>I take break dig
>wife decomposing next to hole
>mount Herodi
>she makes me ohyayayaya
>i yaya in her cooplipapa
>continue the dig
>put wife in hole
>hear thing
>look behind
>mongols attacking
>shitnotagain.pastel
>I is kill by mongol
>goats are erect
>goats are kill by mongols
>mongols mount dead goats
>town gets razed
>mfw
>Being a shapeshifting god who hides as a homeless person
>Rapes most of the girls gives them black plaque
>Make men really horny
>Having fun watching the chaos I created
>Meet the king
>Tell him that I didn't vote for him
>Tells me to shut up
>"Help, help, I'm being repressed"
>King calls me a bloody peasant
>Goes on to find the holy grail
>>674453403
>Making Lace
Checked on Ancestory.com this is what my forefathers did..... No killing or raping for this guy just doilies
>Op Your Humours are unbalanced Please Cure yourself
>>674453403
>I'm 30
>I had a good life
>say goodbye to my children and grand children and great grand children.
>Die of old age.
>>674456271
It was never found. Lost in the castle AAAAaaaahhhhhhh
> Be me
> Mad bandit king
> Bust into your settlement
> Hundred negros strong
> Prune your hedges
> Rape your horses
> Steal your garters
> Ride off into the darkness
> Much confusion
>>674457140
>Meet peasant lost in castle
>Cums on him to make him extremely horny
>Runs off
>>674457222
Centaurs are now part of town.
TOPFUCKING KEK
>>674454114
>>674454153
>>674454237
>>674454277 >Checked
>>674454691
>>674454710
>>674454975
>>674455162
>>674456000 >Checked
>Be me
>Be lord of my house
>21 ish
>No other royal families in the area
>Keep waiting for true love
>want heir
>Try praying to god for a woman
>nothinghappened.fresco
>look out of window
>see sister at well
>bent over
>mfw boner
>next day
>invite sister to chambers
>knock her out
>cut open her dress
>feelsgoodman.tapestry
>weeks pass
>sister is pregnant
>child is born
>child is cursed by deformity
>punished by god
>repent
>child 'falls" from stairs
>Sister becomes an hero
>Family line ends
>>674453685
>Stop right there criminal scum!
>> Have rickets. Walk funny. Killed as a witch when I was 9
>>674457561
>you violated my mother
>>674457791
No that was me
>>674457960
>No thats was me
>Join the kings army
>Siege unit
>get trebuchet
>trebuchet better than gilfriend
>Accused of rape
>Plead benefit of clergy
>Accused of theft
>Plead benefit of clergy
>>674458021
>No that was me
Stealthing around as a thief being rich and as a part time assassin
I read this book for AP EURO my senior year and basically how they described pesant life in renaissance europe was this
>literal feces everywhere
>people walking around naked
>people would drink gallons of alchohol just to function
>poor farmers would work until the point of unconsciousness
>murders were common and rarely solved
>people would very often regard others as in league with statan
>the average person had no idea what century they lived nor most basic concepts
>Feces, So MUCH FECES
>>674458219
>end up lossing your thumbs for stealing
>Be an elderly gentleman.
>Lived far beyond the average lifespan for 10th century England.
>Educated at the University of Bologna.
>Served as a tutor for various nobility around Northern England.
>My social position grants me access to a substantial amount of wealth and comfort.
>Retire happily to the countryside after being granted a small tract of land by the lord I am currently employed by.
>Spend my golden years researching Celtic mysticism.
>The bubonic plague ravages urban English areas.
>Find ancestral cure for plague in old Scottish inscriptions near Dun Broch.
>Begin to practice ancient magic.
>Quickly forget about plague and become consumed with power.
>Specialize in ancient Welsh dragon-fire magic.
>Slowly become consumed with my craft.
>Forget everything about my former life, including my name.
>Run off into the wilderness to explode things in peace.
>Start calling myself Tim.
> Mad bandit king returns
> Has built mad contraption
> The Cow launcher
> Lays siege to your puny castle
> My army of negros sip 40s and waits for your walks to crumble
> Build mighty bonfire and do magic juju to bring plague
> scared now ain't ya
>>674453403
>Syphilis is a bad bad thing
>brings forth the holy hand grenade
>doesn't know how to count
>I am a wizard and I invade Britain
>you can't kill me I have sharks for food
>be low level tradesman
>violent alchoholic
>slowly loosing mind
>killed his own children and no one said anything to him
>has beaten apprentice's brains in over literally nothing
>mfw the only reason im not dead yet is because ive been killing people ive found in the forrest
>>674454237
>killing the sheep
>using intestines as condom
>fucking someone's mom
>>674454070
>>Happy in the knowlegde that my country is still relevant and not overshadowed by it's big brother the USA
FIFY
>>674458506
>dumps cauldrons of watermelons over wall
>>674458309
Even ancient Gallic and germanic tribes had sewage systems. It was open sewage and ran downhill from the wealthy to the poor but it wasn't just everywhere. Lots of open land, lots of downtime (even farmers didn't work as many hours as we do now). Murder was not a big thing, except for slaves. Slaves had it rough.
>>674458769
SHUT UP YOU'RE RUINING THE FUN, SO MUCH FECES
>become a stealth archer
>Allahu Akbaaaaar!!!
>>674458534
And wasn't in medieval Europe. Got that from the Americas.
yo guys wanna kill some jews again? I heard they want to eat our kids
>>674459010
i heard they cause the plague
>Attends witch burning
"Dearest fellow villagers, thou are full of manure. For the newfags are the ones thou shold be burning"
>>674458769
Idk man, the book was backed up with credible source documents, you should really check it out its called
A World Lit Only by Fire: The Medieval Mind and the Renaissance - Portrait of an Age
if it was required reading for AP classes I would think its pretty credible
Also there was no such thing as slaves in medieval Europe unless you are talking about russians or serfs
>>674458765
> Oh noes
> SHEEEEIT ensues
> Break out the crackers to try and get them back under control
> All frowny face defeated, heads off into sunset
> Vows vengence
>>674459124
And they bathe
>be a Jew
>get killed for causing literally everything bad in the kingdom
>working at the docks
>ship from south of spain arrives
>black skinned creature on board
>Apeman sold as slave
>Doesn't know god
>torture him
>top kek
>Cut off huge dick for souvenir
>best fun in weeks
>>674458309
Yep, just like the Arab world today.
>hammering slag out of my freshly forged steel ingot on my anvil that has been passed down from 3 generations
>>674458534
>>674458942
Yeah, fuck you amerifats we had gonorrhea before your country was even discovered!
>>674459384
Tru
>look over castle wall
SHIT ITS THE FUCKING ARABS
Uhhh, Doc? I think we went too far back!
>>674459402
Becoming irreverent with the industrial era
> Mad bandit kings back
> This time army of Mexican banditos
> Gonna make you cry boy!
>>674456848
Zoz
>goes hollow
Hey guys whats this dark ring?
Anyone wants to buy some relics? I have Virgin's Mary right toe and some teeth of Saint George.
> I'm trying to study physics, but the priest won't let me.
> Je suis un sorcier..
>>674460067
i already have 10 toes of Virgin Mary,
how can you have the 11th. idiot
>>674460067
O'll giv ye 3 coppers n a cuck
>>674459615
greek fire cant save you no more when you aint greek anymore but latin empire
>>674455105
IRL:
>goes back in time
>immediately tied to plow and forced to pull it around field
>>674459132
Europe had slaves just not abundant. Medieval city could be middle east, or north Africa though. Murders happened but not crazy numbers. Sanitation was very different depending where you went. in England they would dump their shit buckets in the streets because the rain would take it quickly. Italy and spain had sanitation issues in big cities but relied on the sewer systems started by the Romans. This is what I remember on the topic in college. If your's sources are accurate, you may have a better picture of it than I.
>>674460067
thanks but I bought a toe of the Virgin Mary from a very pious and holy man from York only last week.
>>674453403
> See crier
> shout
> STOP SHITPOSTING YOU FUCKING FAGGOT
>>674453403
i got the plague bitches, gimme a kiss
>>674460231
>>674459615
FEAR NOT
>>674460574
>Uses my godly power to cause femnazis to exist
>Then forces them to get rape by every anon on here
>Enjoys watching the chaos I created while getting a bj from a prostitute.
>be me, Bob (pic related, me)
>be a badass medieval knight who killed four people with a sign
>conquer local tournament, get 1d4 hoes
>whos gonna stop me
>>674460611
ur dubs wont sav u m8
>>674460401
honestly, as someone who shares a deep interest in medevial , i totally recommend at least reading it
>>674460191
Well she was a special woman so it's understandable that God gave her more toes, I got this one from a guy who said he's a monk from Jerusalem so it has to be real
>>674460883
> You're gonna get in love with a woman.
> She will poison you.
The end.
>>674453971
Just like India...
>>674461041
Point taken, i ate one for blessings
>>674461034
infact here is the whole book
http://www.ahshistory.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/A-WORLD-LIT-ONLY-BY-FIRE.pdf
>Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here
>>674460611
Oh shit it's those niggers that sit on top of Rhodes for some centuries after the Crusades shieet they are sinking islamic fishing boats deus vult
>>674461244
Cool, I'll check it out.
>When night hits I make clones of myself
>Uses all the clones to rape and impregnate all the woman/girls.
>Kill all the clones
>Eats the clones
>Repeat process till every anon can only have sex with pregnant woman/girls
introduce google earth to the local smart guy
>>674454740
Ni!
> take brief break from collecting mud
> have a nice stretch; notice smoke in the distance
> tartars.eggtempera
> try to warn townspeople, but they're too busy accusing each other of witchcraft
> climb to highest tower
> bust out trumpet
> set out to tootle-a-toot the hejnał mariacki in all four cardinal directions to warn of invading mongol-vassal-state invaders
> on the fourth rendition, take an arrow to the throat
>>674462385
>Before strangers gets an arrow to the neck I rape and cum in his ass
>Runs off
>Be me, age unknown, parents didn't keep track.
>Live in some shitty city. Never left it, never will.
>Be a lowly sheep herder apprentice.
>Pay is shit but the pussy is bomb
>Decide one day to leave and become adventurer.
>Gather all my life savings, books and any trinkets my crazy grandfather gave me before he ran away
>holyshit.gangrene
>Find this cool wood stick, looks worth a lot
>Go to local merchant shop
>"I can give you 400 pennings"
>Disappointed, but enough to buy some hide and a cheap sword
>Set off towards rumored neighboring city
>some man in 400 pound+ armor runs up and screams at me
>holypatrionage.crusade
>Knocks me back into tree
>The man looks tired all the sudden
>motherofgod.tapestry
>He eats 8 whole cheese wheels before my eyes
>I sob and hope he doesn't attack me again
>He starts coming towards me
>I grab my sword and charge him
>My sword literally bounces off his jugular
>He grabs me by the neck and I black out
3 crusades later
>Wake up in dark cave
>he is sitting by fire eating entire deer legs in a matter of seconds
>Stifle a sob
>mudcollecter.romanchurch
>He runs over to me and shoves his cock down my throat
>I dont even know how he got erect that fast
>He is pumping me harder than Barthalemue to Lady Gorgon
>He fills me with his cum
>MFW i drown in my own semen
>>674458769
The stats displayed on this page indicate that a commoner during the late middle ages had about a 10% of dying by murder. Probably significant higher if the victim was killed legally.
http://extranosalley.com/?p=48434
>>674455717
No corn... America not discovered yet.
HOL UP
>opens Bible
What youse tryin' to say is
>reads about holy absolution
What you saracens is saying
>looks at crude western iron swords
That we crusaders can
>adjusts shitty iron armor
That you are the good guys
>snorts loudly while drinking western piss drinks
And you are good bcuz good leaders
>holds claymore and sharpens it with pebble
Some finna
>eats sand while on crusade
Hol up so u be sayin is
>fourth crusades constantinople
That this little white empire
AAAAAAAAAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AYYYOOO
>smacks venetian lips profusely
SO HOL UP HOL UP
>steals greek architecture
SO U BE SAYIN
>makes latin empire
SO HOL UP U BE SAYIN
>trebizond and nikaea flip their shit about greek byzantium
AAAYYYOOO SO U BE SAYIN
>checks for nearest crusade
U BE SAYIN
>collects venetian pay
HOL UP HOL UP
>loses christian land
AYYYOO U BE SAYIN
>does the crip walk out of greece
SO U BE SAYIN
>shares left borders with his valiant and pious brothers Baldwin & Baldwin
HOL UP SO U BE SAYIN
>spreads rumors about how bad orthodoxy is
WE GON BE
>slips on own metal boots and break neck before getting to holy land
FINNA WE GON BE
>sucks air through helmet
AYYYOO HOL UP WE GON BE
>pulls up catholic cuckery
SO WE GON BE
>instinctively looks around for priests
>>674464129
>Comes up behind him rapes the shit out of him and cums in ass
>Runs off
>Laugh my lungs out because the inquisition is removing kebab
>get depressed when I realize I live in 2016 and we were more advanced when we could die of the common cold and thought kings were descended from god
>>674453403
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q925lmJPVs
>>674453403
>plotting to kill a noble as a knight
>blame the murder on the Jews
>Becoming a corrupted noble
>Be me
>Scientist
>Always gets made fun of
>Whatever.mp4
>Make scientific breakthrough
>Helps people speak to others across the world
>Call it "telephone"
>Tell everyone
>Call me insane
>Thinks im witch
>Get kill
>Shit
>600 years later "telephone'' gets invented
>faggot stole my idea
>Mfw
>using hay to masturbate
>Have a mild, itchy throat because the air is so old and gross.
>The local crowd that always stands near that pitchfork and torch merchant notice this.
>They approach me, all moving together like some form of mass.
I am being forced out of Medieval City due to accusations of carrying disease like scarlett rubella, black plague, and whiteface.
>They didn't discover my Argonian heritage.
>>674466010
you can always make a watch, but make it like, smarter and able to cast spells.
Great thread guys
>marry fellow peasant girl
>try to hide it from feudal lord
>he finds out
>ohshitman.png
>let him exercise his right of prima nocta
>wife is knocked up
>peasant wife has baby while farming cabbages
>baby grows, turns out is full potato
>find out peasant wife is lords illegitimate daughter
>mfw
>>674453403
>wake
*ring ring*
>BRRING OTT UR DED
*RING RING*
>BRRING OTT UR DED
*ring ring*
>brring ott ur ded
*ring ring*
>brring ott ur...
*ring...
*cough cough*
>turn over
>I call my weed 'The Quran' because burning that shit gets you stoned.
