Does anybody else not have a reason to live or die? Real feels thread. No pussy girl problems.
I know some of you niggers thought about killing yourselves today. Get in here. Or is this place 100% normiville now?
>>674310917
The only reason i'm still alive is because i haven't found a way to make my dead look like an accident without the oppurtunity to fail, whenever i have that i'm a dead anon
Also pic related if you need a reason
>>674311490
I'm pretty much in it for the memes at this point. If you're gonna be gone why do you care about how your death looks? Don't wanna burden your family?
Everyday i fall asleep hoping i wont wake up, i keep waking up, its not funny anymore
>>674311490
Also you could drown yourself in the bathtub.
>>674311715
Yes, the only person in my life is my granddad and i dont want him to go through that so i figured an accident is the best way
>>674311806
What does your daily routine look like?
>>674311943
Dont have bathtub and everyone knows i'm not autistic enougj to drown in a fucking bathtub
>>674312069
I work, go to the gym, hang out with my only friend
I can't feel.
Parents turned their back on me at age 16 when i needed them most, was going through alot of shit
lost a friend doing dumb ass shit
Mom got me arrested, my dads a pedo in the state of florida now.
My brother doesnt give two shits about me, nor do my grandparents
I dont have much of friends where i live at now
and my relationship seems to be falling apart everyday, hope that isnt the case.
>>674312236
My mom is my only friend. Drown in a river with a strong current. Rent a kayak and flip over and just inhale water.
>>674312414
Even your get failed, damn
>>674310917
I know I've got it better then most people, but I'm up to my dick in debt getting a graduate degree I don't even know I enjoy for sure.
Currently no job and fiancée makes around 32-32k after taxes (with an mba and lots of debt).
I've been mostly sober the last year since undergrad, and kept telling myself getting clear willl help with the lack of purpose.
My life was football and karate, then at 18 I found booze and partying and the rest is history until 23. I picked up the love of my life along the way?
I don't really know who I am. I only know what the people who care about me want me to be.
Spring break was this week, but I'm in my grad school city where I went from a clan of 6 people hanging out constantly to no friends. One of childhood friends lives here and won't chill with me.
>tldr had half of a weed cookie yesterday no tolerance 6 months, high as fuck and in the moment but the next day I feel hollow as fuck, aimless with nothing to do while no ambition to pick something nonobligatory up...
>existential questions
Got some guns but I'd never hurt myself or others. I always told myself if I hit rock bottom I would fly to Southeast Asia and live off student loans and disappear. Empty sex, hopefully opium, and cheap food. It's way better than killing ones self. White people live like kings over there.
>>674312414
Do you feel empty?
>>674312414
only thing keeping me going is the fact i can go and do butthole drugs in a few weeks because probation will be over
Butthole drugs here i come.
>>674312532
I'm from holland, i dont even think we have rivers with a strong current, i think i'm just gonna get drunk as fuck and fall into a lake or something so it looks like the alcohol fucked me up
>>674312671
all the time, i feel no self worth for myself ever.
Finding a nice job is hard as shit too.
I do fucking construction at 22 and i dont wanna do it for the rest of my life like my dad.
Fuck that, he can rot in that jail cell for all i care at this point.
>>674312636
Existential questions are crushing me too recently.
>>674312820
Thats an embarrassing way to go though my friend.
You wanna be remembered as a drunk?
>>674312820
Too bad it had to come to that man. Everyone in this thread is forever a piece of one and other, whether they die or not. I hope you all find something to give you purpose.
>>674313093
I dont know, i just wanna die tbh, i dont even care, i'd kinda like to go out with style but jumping off a rooftop on a bicycle just has suicide written all over it
>>674313314
Maybe i'll try to fist fight an animal or something
>>674313314
Go to a party preferably with coke
find the coke
Do a shitload of lines
Or
go to a cliff and jump off on a bicycle.
as if you were trying to do a stunt, have someone record it too.
Youll be remembered then. Guarantee it.
>>674310917
Life is meaningless unless it's eternal. I still don't want to die even though I want to kill my self on the daily.
Nah, I think i'm fine
A reason not to an hero?
Her.
>>674313635
That actually sounds fun, I'll see if holland has any cliffs to 360 an hero noscope backflip off
>>674313425
I can see the headlines now.
>local man tries to fist fight a bear, loses the championship belt.
>>674313864
oh, arent you just the best?
Got ya self a girl with ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEMS AT ALL
Amiriteguys?
>>674313871
Or maybe i'll kill as much refugees as possible and wait till i get killed by police
>>674313425
Go live in the woods. Treat it like a survival game. Bring like some steel gauntlets and just fuck up every animal you can. Just keep going until you find Bigfoot and he fucks your shit up. That's how I wanna go.
>>674314123
I could try this with niggers as well
>>674313668
which meaning would it have if it was eternal ?
>>674314251
Make America great again anon.
>>674314106
Fuck that 360 noscope backflip with recording.
Plan it, Pretend to befriend someone who youve barely talked to
Ask if they have a camera
Spit out this crazyandwildstunt
record it and then 360 noscope backflip inn front of them.
You'll be remembered for a long long time, might even be the trigger to some people when your name comes up or an old memory
>>674314251
Too bad only quads can stop ultra giga nigga 9000.
>>674314398
Still not from america mate
>>674314497
Kek
Look into Alan Watts.
Other than that, it's time you came to terms with reality: No one has a reason to live or die because there are no people.
There isn't anything. The universe is mental, all is mind. This is buddha's paradox: He doesn't exist, so he can't share his enlightenment. No on else exists for him to share with. He also has no knowledge to share.
Every thought you could could up with, about anything, is based on the predispositions of your mind. Most thoughts are linguistic. Words are abstractions too. Furthermore, culture is the ecology of mind. All of our cultural institutions and cultural conventions are imaginary.
Doubt it? Lace your shoes with a line of Longitude. Try it. You can't because it isn't fucking there. Nothing is there. Light bounces off of shit, changes frequency and hits our retinas. The imagination imagines what the room you are in looks like based on your sense data.
I'm not saying that your shoes are not real, only that they cannot look or feel like anything other than how you imagine them. This is where the sayings "A man is the room he is in" and "out of sight out of mind" come from.
Also minimalist zen furniture trends. Hard to be distracted when there are no posters on the wall to distract you. Can't fall out of bed if you sleep on the floor.
There is no meaning to life because there is no such thing as 'meaning'. We raise people to think they exist. Think about it. What to we say to children?
We ask them what they want to be when they grow up. This presupposes that they cannot be who they are. All language is a trap. All knowledge is a trap. This is Gurdjieff's prison. This is plato's cave.
You are trapped in the know. You think that life can have meaning, and furthermore you think you actually exist. Neither of these premises are true. You are trapped.
>>674314497
Rolling
>>674314747
Sick dubs m80. Also your post gave me an anxiety attack thank you.
This is getting too existential.
Can we go back to muh gf of 3 months left me feels thread?
>>674314977
Check'd
>>674312069
Not him, but my routine is attend my classes, smoke pot, sleep, smoke pot, eat, smoke pot, sleep. That's my day.
It's bad enough for me to be discontent but not bad enough for me to change it
>>674314977
I feel like I live in animal crossing. Everyone says the same things to me every time I see them. I do the same thing everyday just to get money just so I can live to do the same thing the next day.
>>674315517
Once I stopped smoking pot because of anxiety reality hit me like a freight train.
>>674314977
>>674314977
my gf of one week left me guys, im gonna go and an hero now it was fun while it lasted. god speed anons.
>>674310917
For me, Op, I had the feeling that life had no purpose. No matter what I did, none of it fuckin mattered. Then I found a girl, we got together, and I decided I would focus on her and she would be my purpose. I got over this by not living for myself, but for someone else.
people post serious shit in these type of threads all the time. it makes me feel like shit for feeling like shit. I've convinced myself that my dead end life is fine, since it could always be much worse
>>674314747
2deep bruh, but even knowing all this, once you are among other people and live your life , you don't get to think and apply those meaningful things, todays society forces you to obey at its illusion model of life
>>674315831
smoke mental weed i forgot the term
But yeah a nice head high will take that right away
I think im gonna sell weed again.
Hm, guess we'll just wait and see
>>674316134
selling weed was the only thing keeping me going once, then i got arrested, so imma wait till termination and maybe do it again, the money was nice. So was the bud.
>captcha was trains
>>674314747
The understanding that nothing exists and that there is no morality, authority, space, time, materialsm is known as 'awakening'.
Still though, you are separate from the world. We must resolve this. If all of your senses, all of that data, comes from the environment then your entire experience of reality is driven by the chemical reaction of the universe. You are something it is doing, in the same way that apple trees grow apples. It's a process that never ends, the separateness between the apple and the tree is a fucking abstraction.
There are no inanimate objects. All objects are in flux, all of the matter undergoes change in one simultaneous movement. The chemical reaction that is your body doesn't end with your death and it didn't begin when you were born, it's endless.
This is what Hindus, Sufis, Daoists, Buddhists, Taoists, Zen Buddhists and Hermeticists mean when they say that everything is "unborn" and therefore "undying".
What do you think it feels like to be dead? It probably feels the way you felt before you were born, and that wasn't so bad was it?
A lot of people try to reason that some 'soul' must be where our consciousness comes from, but science says that every thought you have is predetermined. Every thought you have, every behavior you act out is driven by the chemical reaction of the universe.
There is no separateness, only the appearance of separateness cause by the relativity of our position as observers. Think about the ice ages. From a different perspective the polar ice caps scraping humanity off the polar continents could look like a strobe light.
Heck, our solar system going supernova and back to earth and back could look like a flickering bulb from a certain relativity. This is what physicists mean when they say we are stardust.
How do we scientifically resolve the idea that you are one with your environment? Experiments done on rats and other mammals show that we secret pheremones into the air.
>>674316363
Sp00ky m8. The head high is what did it though. I'd feel like I was going crazy. I also had a bad experience on shrooms though. Plus a heroine addict friend of mine died.
>>674310917
The only reason I have to live m8
>>674312236
At least you have a friend, everyone I know is an acquaintance at best, don't have anyone that actually cares enough to go out of there way to help me if I needed it. Nobody even asks to hang out with me.
>>674314747
Well said. This has been on my mine a lot lately. Although, what logical conclusion is one suppose to draw from this? If anything, this just puts you back at the start of the search for a reason to climb out of stagnation.
>>674316463
Is the tldr version of this that "we are all one". Like you are the trees and every other person on the planet as well as the planet?
My Mother is a drunk and my father killed himself.
And my Sister just died.
Im 21 and i still feel that life is worth living. Remember that sadness is only a chemical reaction in The brain
>>674317130
Ouch. Does Disney own your soul?
>>674317338
No, I just like Star Wars.
>>674317182
Play the game anon.
>>674317167
Yes i guess, but for everyone else i'm just that guy thats nice but not nice enougj to hang out with, everybody always likes me yet nobody wants to be my friend, i just need somebody, thats all i want
>>674316463
The rats are tortured. Then they are removed from the cage. When we put new rats in the cage, they fucking freak out. If we do this with a control group of rate that wasn't tortured, the new rats don't freak out.
We pick up on this stuff without noticing it. Every go to a place and the mood was real tense? Or maybe a party and the energy was awesome? We are all sharing those pheremones. The part of our brain that senses smell is actually one of the largest parts of the brain. It's also one of the oldest parts of the brain going back into evolution. It is also the part of the brain that grows first.
Your body is a tuning fork for the environment. I don't mean that in some shitty mind control radio frequency tinfoil faggot way either. Think about all the knowledge you have, it came from the environment. Everything inside of yourself is intimately in tune with what is outside.
This is what people like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Carl Jung, Allen Ginsberg, mean with the dual thorn analogy. You are separate, it's a thorn in your side. So you realize that your soul is the environment, and that it is one with you. You pull out the thorn with a second one, and then throw them both away. all these religions I mentioned earlier come from an ancient school of philosophy based on hard determinism, and there are ruthless dialectics.
The only problem with this is that the people who realize they are one with it are usually religious, therefore they go fucking nuts and think they are god. In hinduism the universe is god, it's not alive. It's just all of the atoms and energy going on forever. So when you say you are god, it's not saying you are Jesus Christ except to the biased atheist who doesn't understand that the word God only referes to a deity in 4 out of 270 religions.
You can figure this all out without religion. These folks are usually physicists, or they do a lot of acid or mushrooms. All of the authors in all of these areas are coincident.
>>674317425
whats the game, like I should go be a gangster
>>674317334
No one here is sad. This isn't a normie feel thread. This is emptiness. There is no feel to feel. The only thing we have to feel is feel itself.
>>674315624
Damn, that's a pretty scary analogy.
>>674317334
And Yes, drugs is not the answer, i learned that pretty Quick. The best thing to stay happy and focused is actually exercise.. I know i sound like a faggot, but it is true
>>674317694
No feelings = depression, low on serotonin = sad
>>674317663
No just get a nice place to live and cultivate your wisdom. Have a kid or something. Buy products. Drink alcohol. Shit on a baby. Post CP. Kill your grandma. Post CP.
Alright so if y'all are so fucking sad and depressed there's literally nothing you could do to make it worse. And because of that fact you should all go out and do crazy shit. Go ask a bunch of girls out. Go do some crazy shit you'd never dream of doing. I mean your life is already fucking horrible it can't really get worse.
>>674310917
>My reasons to live?
There are still many places in the world I haven't seen/been to, and things that I really want to do. Even though there's little chance of me doing them, a small part of me wants to believe.
>Reason to die
Because I want the pains to stop. Maybe I'll be reborn as someone who can actually achieve in life.
>>674316463
"To know that you are God, is another way of saying that you feel completely with this universe. You feel profoundly rooted in it and connected with it. You feel, in other words, that the whole energy, which expresses itself in the galaxies, is intimate. It is not something to which you are a stranger, but it is that with which you, whatever that is, are intimately bound up. That in your seeing, your hearing, your talking, your thinking, your moving, you express that which it is that moves the sun and other stars." ~Alan Watts
But now a great thing in the street
Seems any human nod,
Where shift in strange democracy
The million masks of God.
-GK chesterton
After you really intuitively understand this stuff you realize that the brain has two modes, which were written about by Barbara Oakley PhD & other neuroscientists. One is like a laser, the other a flood light. The laser beam goes from one thing to the next, the flood lamp looks at everything at once. They proved this and wrote books to help kids learn math. Aside, the mental mode that you realize this under is the flood lamp.
This sucks, because only the focused mode can hold information. This is why zen masters speak in riddles, because the truth is inneffable.
If I was to explain this fully it would be a 30 hour long document. The important thing is that it's all the same philosophy. Once you understand it you see Jesus as a philosopher who was stoned for saying that we are all god. Plato was one. Ralph Waldo Emerson. Many giants arrive at this understanding, and you will see it fucking everywhere (Jung called this synchronicity, and it drives people mad).
>>674311490
Set up a thin Steel wire in The ceiling, glue your hands to your head and then jump. It wont look like an accident but damn cool when They think you ripped your own head off
>>674318246
That doesn't solve anything you nigger.
>y'all
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>674317928
No feelings is not depression.. no feelings is psychopath.
Depression is sad.. If you are happy, living happy life, you wake up and go do some shit. If you are depressed you wake up and try to fall a sleep, because dream you were dreaming was better than your life. My dreams are better than my life. Fuck.
>>674312936
Yo man Ive worked in construction and the pay is alright but the fucking asshats make you wait months be4 they can get u to decent pay. Ive literally wanted to kill myself eveyday just working there.
>Working construction because I am not allowed to work any other decent jobs
>they hire anyone, and I mean ANYONE, ex cons, immigrants, drug junkies(who can work of course)
> in Florida temperature feels like 121 degrees plus exhaustion plus asshole people, plus asshole foreman
> guy dies of overheating and people barely give a shit
>one pro tho- you learn to toughen up and stop being a bitch
>not really the best pro but its what I kept telling myself
>19 fucked my wrist,back, and neck no insurance policy from job
Yeah man just quit that shit aint worth the extra 2-6 dollars of above minimum wage
>>674313864
>her
She is long gone. She forgot me... We used to much time together, talk everyday, every single moment that was available. Played games together. And then one day she left. Her, the one who I gave all my time, things I did for her, sleepless nights i spend comforting her while she was crying how life is not fair. Her... and then she just left and stopped. All the promisses what we will do, where we will go. and suddenly she found "boyfriend" she stopped speaking with me. And im here writing this. empty, lonely. What keeps me alive is /b/. You sick bastards, on other hand funny keeping me alive. i'm spending much of my time here, browsing /b/.
Thanks Anons for being here with me
has anybody else stopped wanting to eat or sleep? They just seem like a lot of effort and annoying. I occaisionally do one or the other because I feel like I aught to. I haven't masturbated in a month either.
>>674318714
Dude watch Kurt Cobain eat this brownie
>>674318770
education/training...........?
>>674318770
>Working construction because I am not allowed to work any other decent jobs
uhh story?
>>674318246
>fuck I'm so bored and I feel like shit
>Sleeping on the floor just to passing the time is basically suicide lite
>hey i know i'll go do crazy shit
not everyone has that reaction, but it's actually a phenomenon of people experiencing suicidal thoughts to start doing shit like jumping red lights and other dangerous thoughtless shit to tempt death. Probably not what you had in mind though.
>>674318863
What a fucking faggot. Did you even look at this thread. Who cares about your girlfriend sucking black cock when you're closer to death every fleeting moment.
>>674319030
I think he liked the taste of shotguns better
>>674319030
that guy to the right of curt looks like the lead singer of the foo fighters. is it just me?
>>674318483
What the fuck, how, seriously thinking about this, please tell me more
>>674318415
In the unfocused mode you can nearly perform miracles, but it's more like having the reflexes of a shaoling monk.
The issue is that the focused mode keeps giving you thoughts to think about. Each thought comes along and goes, "I
I'm real! Think me!"
This is why Gurdjieff and plato reason that thought, knowledge and information at a fundamental level is a trap. You can live, and act, without thinking. Language is a trap, HENCE VOWS OF SILENCE.
Scientists are researching this right now because our culture forgot this was possible. Before the mainstream media and industrialization these paradigms were commonplace, even in america. We teach kids that it's impossible, and this traps them in the know. Firefighters know which axe to grab after glancing at a burning building; they don't have to call a team meeting and draw a logic flow chart on a chalkboard to decide what to do. They just act.
In order to make your mind REFLEXIVELY abandon thoughts, you have to practice letting go of them. Hence meditation. You don't meditate to get enlightened. You awaken, resolve the separateness of yourself and other, then realize you are already enlightened. In order to stay in this state of mind you have to practice letting go of thoughts. There are hundreds of techniques for this, and you don't have to sit to meditate. In fact the goal is to be able to do this at all times, everwhere, without meditaiton. It's something you graduate from, not somehting you brag about being stuck in.
People who inherently believe in nihilism and derterminism can grasp all this in about a year, without doing drugs (that's how most millenials figure this out, they do acid to prove they can take and accidentally get awakened).
If you want to learn more lookup the psychonaut subreddit on reddit. It's a constant battle to chaperone these kids through awakening as they flip flop from thinking nothing exists to thinking it all exists because it is who they are.
>>674311349
you got me
>>674318714
no feelings can be a symptom of psychopathy, major depression, dissociative disorder, ptsd, and many others.
>>674319428
you know dave grohl was in nirvana right?
>>674319425
>>674319428
Topzoz/maxpar/kekaroni.jpeg
>>674319765
ya ate da bate mate.
>>674319765
I feel like he does anon.
>>674318246
meh. agree and disagree. if you're suffering from legit depression due to a chemical imbalance there's not much you can do about it to just 'start doing crazy shit' because you're almost non-functioning, never mind function enough to do something cool.
on the other hand, if you're 'depressed' because wah your life sucks and you're a socially awkward fuck, then yeah, change shit pussy would be my response.
tldr; real depression is when you lay in bed all day, feeling sorry for yourself is beta as shit and should do something crazy
>>674318483
i heard this recently from someone who likes ants.........
>>674311715
Make since to me. I want my funeral to be a dark, yet delightful festival and my body turned to twisted art. Sculpted bone and flesh for my guess
>>674319159
Uhh shit man, im supposed to be off 4chan cause this place doesn't help. Hell Ive been trying to finally get a good sleep schedule but here goes this horrible mess of my life
>Start in high school
>Have extreme anxiety
>can't talk to guys or girls, students or teachers because anxiety is a 12/10 on a scale
>kids think I am an autist but I was completely fine in middle school
>shit is affecting me extremely hard
You know how whn you deal with something for longer the easier it is to handle otherwise it hits you like a truck?yeah...
>all my crushes I have never gained the balls to talk to
>haven't had a girl yet
> i started skipping classes
> find the Evergreen Leaf of Serenity
>finally not be anxious for once
>come to school high every other day
>aside from the red eyes, I finally got some friends
>all friends were drug addicts
>didnt give a shit
Cont?
![2016-01-31_20-26-21[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/B13NmwJ.png "2016-01-31_20-26-21[1].png")
>>674320025
I've started doing both. I lay around doing nothing more and more. And feeling sorry for myself like an asshole. am i fucked
>>674319621
The transition from awakening to enlightenment is usually denoted as a return to belief in your culture and society, if you try to escape it you never graduated to enlightenment, you got trapped in awakening like the hippies did.
After awakening mountains are no longer mountains, and water is not water. After enligthenment mountains are again mountains and water is again water.
The zen buddhists understood that the religious doctrines of buddhism are bullshit, so they broke off. They also realized that language is a trap, and this posed a problem for them. How do you teach this shit if you can't explain it in words? You have to do it with action, and this is called 'direct pointing'. This is usually done by a master, and the student attains pure unexcelled awakening on the spot (skip the transition, do not go to jail, just collect $200). This is why the zen tradition is sometimes referred to as the 'sudden school'.
If you're ripe, a leaf falling from a tree will do it for you. If you're not, the whole tree could figuratively fall on you and you still wouldn't grasp it.
You do lots of thing without thinking. Ever drive somewhere without noticing? Do you have to think about how you grow your hair? The truth is that the universe does you in the same way you grow your hair, and you do it.
There are huge issues with this. there are many ways to get trapped in awakening and think you understand the meaning of life. When you realize that all the chemical reactions happen all at once, all the time, you can misunderstand the results. You might think that the whole universe is made out of one energy or particle type, and that's wrong.
>>674318246
Noooooooooooo.....youngins. I did that when I was 19, depressed, and thought life couldn't get any better, and ended up getting 2 years probation and about $9000 in court/legal/restitution costs. Then I was more depressed. Young and dumb.
>>674320688
Welcome to hell. Playing the guitar does nothing for me now. I can't stay focused long enough to read a book. The outside world is too open and I just sit in my room on the internet.
>>674318863
> only person to ever want to be with a girl who doesn't want to be with him
what a fucking pussy. think you're something special? or she's fucking special? news flash guy, it happens to everyone. pro tip; stop thinking about her and start talking to other girls. eventually, you will forget about her. i would bet the tip of my cock if you dont look at her snapchat/instagram/facebook in 3 months you will be completely over her. stop being a pussy and move the fuck on like everyone else who's liked a girl they can't have has done. or you can go out and start walking in a perpetual circle like the goddamn leatherman
>>674310917
i'm not scared of death, i want to die but i'm too pussy to do it myself (also don't want to burden my family). i spend days just wishing the universe would do it for me.
>>674313425
I like this idea. If lose: who care. If win: you have a new bad as take on life. Go fight a bear and soar to Valhalla
>>674320993
Dont know if i can be in this thread much longer. I feel like focusing on it will make it worse. I wonder how bad I'll get. I haven't been able to read a book in a long time, but that isn't depression. I just haven't been able to for a while. Im ranting. I've been getting sick of being home all day and have taken up wandering around my home area with a convinient subway system. If you got a nice public transit network i recommend the same. It's a way to pass the time and distract yourself just a little. Maybe one day i'll lose interest in that too.
>>674320812
You could also get trapped in seeing dualities. Duality is not a premise of these philosophies, it's actually a fallacy. It's used to teach non duality, in that there are not two parts to something.
For example, we take a blank globe off a teacher's desk (how it got blank doesn't matter right now). Our goal is to create a northern hemisphere. So we take a marker, and scribe an equator on the glove. Notice however, that we also invoked a southern hemisphere. The misunderstanding would be to say they form a duality. They don't. They are non dual, in that you can't have one without the other. The hemispheres are ideas, all there really is is the globe. Therefore they are non dual.
Same thing with right and wrong. What you really have is action, and then we label it right or wrong. You will find that our culture manufactures the myth of separateness, and this is because of how the brain works. As I said earlier, you have a focused mode and a not focused mode.
When you focus on something, you also create stuff that is being ignored. How would you know which boxes are heavy without light ones? When our language focuses on the myth of inanimate objects, we artificially divide the world into what is that object and what is not.
What's worse is that when we use the word chair to refer to a chair, we speak as if the object really is 'chair'. Words are small mouth noises. If I sing a song to you is that the same thing as the objects we are talking about?
See, the structure of human languages divides things into halves that are imaginary. This is why many take a vow of silence.
>>674314747
>Alan Watts
I can't recommend him enough, the guy understood the universe like no one else
>>674313668
It is eternal and that's the joke. All of existence is a clock; when it stops it's the end of days only for 'god' to wind up the clock again. And the gears or unaware
>>674320614
same dude who asked story here. i smoked every day my final 4 semesters at college. every day. i would go to class, get my shit done, and smoke for the rest of the day with my bros. only times i didn't smoke when i was done with class for the day was when i had to study. my current best girl use to smoke while she studied for organic chem and then smoke before the tests. curious how smoking comes into play but cont.....
>>674314747
You ever have major depression so bad that you can't concentrate or read a bunch of stuff? yep.
>>674321402
That's what I'm saying. Wandering the forest doesnt amuse me anymore. Get out of this thread.
>>674321751
I feel you man.
>>674321440
wat drugs you use? curious.
>>674321850
I'm a bit drunk, i must have overlooked it. I'm out. Well I'm not leaving but I'll lurk instead.
My wife and two little girls were takin from me a little over a year ago. I've thought of killing myself but I know that's not what they would want.
>>674322196
No don't give it power. Just distract yourself forever.
My life is pretty great compared to everyone else here, but if someone told me I was going to die tomorrow, I'd be OK with it. Mostly because I wanna see what comes after death. And if nothing comes after death, that's fine too because I'll just be nothing. Nothing to be sad about, nothing to worry about, I just get to relax (even though relaxing would be nothing too)
>>674322466
man thats harsh to read. Like, Just pretend the elephant isn't in the room. This is my last threaed, I guess. I'll just participate till the thread dies or i decide to finally leave.
>>674321440
Other understandings include the fact that there is no when else than now. The past and future are real, but they only exist in the now, which is all there is.
You can throw a pen across the room, and say 'in the past the pen was over here'. Great. But the pen is not there anymore. Now it's in a new place, the past isn't here. There is no when else than now, be here now, be free from the known. Common sayings.
A great way to illustrate this is: I ask you to get up and walk around the room, and you do it because you're not autistic and you know how to play along and have fun.
When you get back to your seat I say to you "Show me your footprints." The steps happened, but they aren't now.
Another, a man named Akar has a troubled mind. He spends too much time on b. He climbs a mountain to ask a zen master how to quiet his mind. However the zen master thinks neither of them exist, and neither does this knowledge that the master supposedly has. So he says, I know nothing and have nothing to teach.
Akar can't get the zen master to talk to him. So he cuts off his fuckin arm to prove how serious he is. He has a real problem with these bad thoughts and he wants them to go away.
Seeing this the master decides to get rid of the pscyho, so he talks to akar. Akar says, "I find that I cannot pacify my mind, please help me pacify my mind."
The zen master replies, "Bring out your mind before us and I will pacify it."
Akar says, "When I look for my mind I can't find it."
The zen master says, "There, it is pacified." At this moment Akar attained pure unexcelled awakening. It's philosophical, not religious. It's ancient, and it comes from oral traditions that predate written history. That's why they are numbered, the 8fold path, the 10 sins, et cetera. Oral traditions are hard to memorize when you are a cavebro so they have to be numbered.
If you want a mystery look up Nassim Heirman and Tetragrammaton.
>>674322833
>>674322589
How do you go through everyday just doing things when it all leads up to nothing?
sup.
Completely stopped giving a shit about everything. I have nothing because I geuss I realized that everything rots, crumbles and turns to dust. nothing makes me particularly passionate, happy or sad. Don't even care enough to wish death on myself, others tho are a different story, until I take a step back and say, "they got their own BS to deal with" and then I'm apathetic all over again.
I'm in the middle of a degree I don't give a shit about, for a job people tell me I'll like, because I don't care what I do.
Even things I think I'll like I either don't have time or commitment for or just lose interest in sooner or later, fucks sake I'm supposed to be doing one of them right now but I don't even feel like it.
And now I'm venting on 4chan
>>674319030
welp....I'm gonna name all the people I can in this gif. cuz I'm old and can. curt cobain. charles barkley. dave grohl. julia sweeney. kevin nealon. fucking ru paul lol. rob shnieder. tim meadows. ellen cleghorn. al franken. not sure who the little nig is.
6 months ago I felt like I had a reason to die, now after multiple hospitalizations, weird and wonderful medications, talking to strangers, and time I now feel like I have no reason to die or live. I just exist, one sigular medication induced mood that turns weeks into days. The same songs played over and over. Absolute government assisted stagnation. I sometimes think it was better when I was suicidal, sometimes I think it would be better to continue treatment, battle for my independence and my right to grow old. What then, when you grow old? Year by shoter year your independence slowly slips away again and before you know it you're on a palliative care unit with some foreign nurse changing your incontinence pad, waiting for you to die so you and your annoying family can fuck off and free up a bed.
You're supposed to live between birth and death because that's all the time you get to live. Travel, fall in love, learn, feel inspired, feel sad, feel in awe of, experience and there's such little time when you have to work and sleep and pay your rent before you're in that hospital bed surrounded by family all wondering what's in it for them. What did your life amount to, that they can take for themselves.
I hope there's something better after death because if not, living is really a jesters act and dance. The cruelest fucking joke.
>>674323235
But did you see Kurt eat that brownie?
>>674323003
Well I feel like if I only get one chance at life I may as well experience as much of it as I can. I mean, if death is infinite and never ending, then why rush to it? I guess I just go one day at a time.
>>674317185
who are you fundamentally? can you draw a line between yourself and your environment?
deep down you're the whole universe, we all are
>>674323400
wish I had a truckload of Cobain brownies.
Was abused as a kid by my only friend for 15 years, who I had considered as a brother and looked up to, still friends with the dude, and I can't bring myself to confront him due to fear, and I can't move on from the memories completely, I seep incredible hatred for myself because I blamed myself for it as a kid and I had never realized until later, and I'm only alive now because of the fact that I have a significant other (on the other side of the world whom I've never met in person), and because I have a sister who I need to look after because I don't want the same thing happening to her.
Please, kill me.
>>674321516
The thing I am trying to illustrate with these useless long posts is that billions of people have held the same beliefs that Alan wrote and spoke about. All of the world's major religions trace back to hermetic philosophy (which is construed with occult magic in the us to keep people from figuring it out). Almost every major author and philosopher held the same understandings.
The critique of pure reason is the diamond sutra, et cetera. It's everywhere.
ALL OF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO APPLY ENLIGHTENMENT TO LIVING IN AMERICA?
It's called the philosophy of Agency. If you exist, and the only thing you can directly control is yourself, and all death is certain, then the question of how to live life is simple:
What do you want to do before you die? Where will you be? Who will be there with you? What will you look like? What will you do once you are there? How does it change you?
Until you decide what you want, it doesn't matter how you live. Go ahead and be a piece of shit, afterall morality is an abstraction.
But if you do know what you want, every minute you spend not going after it is time wasted. Since all death is certain, you don't get wasted time back. When you waste time you disrespect yourself.
Example. You want to be a racecar driver. (Figuring out what you want it actually the hardest part and can takes years, we skip that here). Now that you know what you want, we apply questions.
"A sudden bold and unexpected question doth many times surprise a man and lay him open." - Francis Bacon
How does posting on 4chan help you be a racecar driver? It doesn't. How does watching porn help you sign up for a racing school education? It doesn't. How does spending money on video games help you save money to build your team's car? It doesn't.
What is an action you can commit to, right now that will close the gap between where you are and where you want to be? When you make a decision you need to take action on it.
>>674310917
I honestly feel empty. I only feel emotion in short bursts. I feel disconnected from people
If you are under 25 an no terminal illness you have the most valuable thing in life. time. nope, no guarantee that life will get better, but if you eat a bullet you guarantee that it won't.
>>674324171
I appreciate the words bro, but seriously, you on a nice coke binge?
>>674322833
Dude stop talking like that, have a read of this picture and think.. I was in the very same position as you, I lost everything. No girl wanted me , felt nobody was there, I felt like there was nothing to live for... I tried to end by OD and by miracle I survived because my liver was so good from not drinking , a regular drinker or even someone who puts too much shit in there body would of been dead.... now a year later I have my dream woman, I'm working for Apple, I drive a porsche boxster and I absolutely love life because I realised there was so much to enjoy. Disregard those who disregard you. There are so much good people out there, trust me Im not questioning what your going through but I can guarantee I was worse than you, and now im living my dream because I realised that life is simple, it is nothing to start with but you can make it whatever you like - did I think I'd get my dream woman and be working for Apple and all this money?? No, I thought my life was going nowhere. Untill that wake up call made me realise then people it would of hurt, and I got sense talked into me by another person who attempted suicide.. it's all in the head and anyone can overcome it, because the world is your oyster, it's precious, get out, try get a job you like and not about money, start going to the gym, eat good foods, let it all build up and you will realise how good life is if you make it that way.. look at conor mcgregor, he said in a documentary he felt his life was going absolutely nowhere and he didn't want it to go on... he opened up to someone, got help, now he is the World champion of ufc with his dream girl... I really hope this helps dude, remember , it's an unremovable solution for a very removable problem, it just takes time and courage, suicide doesn't get rid of the pain, it just multiplies it and gives the pain to several others.... life's so good, make it how you want .. Stay strong
>>674324171
This whole "Decide what you want, take action" thing is actually how americans were raised in nuclear families. We don't raise people that way anymore, and I gurantee the only people who will understand this are your fucking grandparents. It's been a long time since they saw someone decide what they want and take action.
If you read books about depression, about family issues, about marital issues, they will all give this advice. In modern psychology knowing who you are (the universe) and what you want is called Self Awareness. Taking action on what you want is called Self Actualization. These are the two pillars of the adult psyche.
A lot of times taking this route is hard, because you have to let go of things if they don't help you. For example, you're at a party and some little bitch calls you a fag because he saw his girlfriend eye fucking you from across the room, and he's insecure about your thor arms from your blacksmithing hobby.
You would love to do something about that, but would that help you achieve your goal? If your goal that night was to meet a friend you haven't seen since he deployed to iraq, then the question would be:
How does fucking with this kid or banging his girlfriend help me catch up with Russel? See, you have to let it go. That's what being a man is actually about, is this post-enightenment philosophy right here.
We don't teach this to women. That's why single mothers are creating a social nightmare, not that there is anything wrong with our mothers. The thing you have to understand about parents is that they cannot teach you what they don't know. It's not your fault.
Not giving a shit is actually imaginary. When you see an alpha male and it looks like he doesn't give a shit, it's actually because he gives a HUGE shit about something else. Something completely different. He's thinking about his goal, not on the emotional mileau of the room. He's not there, he's in the racecare seat already.
>>674317610
>>674316463
>>674318415
>>674319621
>>674320812
>>674321440
>>674322897
Great read. Keep posting
I love you guys. OP is a massive faggot.
>>674325298
This guys honest!
I don't want to kill myself. I do question "Is this really all there is?" almost daily.
>>674325298
Appreciate the good tone, I don't get how some anons can be heartless when it's a human life we are talking about. Yeah, this site is all fun and games with memes topics and stuff but at the end of the day behind the screen is a human being that has a family, more importantly has precious life and the potential to do anything they want. Once it's gone it's gone, and some anons take the piss out of that and some even encourage it? How could someone live with the guilt. For anyone that's have a hard time, I can promise you it can get better, but if you want it to get better, killing yourself isn't gonna do that, it's just gonna hand the pain to your family and friends, but what will make it better and I can GUARANTEE it will, is opening up, getting help, surround yourself with good people. Slowly realise the beauty of life and what you can do.
Been there, completely shredded apart my world with psychedelics for about a year and hit my lowest because I knew how arbitrary the act of survival is. I could die in 50, 10, 1 year or even tomorrow. It didn't make much difference.
I felt so distant from the world that I didn't even feel comfortable in it anymore.
If I didn't have distractions I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night, I would get extreme anxiety attacks trying to figure out a meaning or reason to exist.
I was in complete standstill for about 6 months (also something to keep in mind I was a horrible person before this transformation period of mine and using a lot of different kinds of drugs) starving myself and sleeping all day. Living in filth and just kind of existing.
At some point I was staring down the barrel of a gun every night.
I didn't have a reason to though, I couldn't pull the trigger.
I didn't want to make a mess.
Even though I can't prove what I am experiencing is real I don't want to take the chance of inconveniencing another person.
So I decided I'm in it for the long run accepted all the pain I have experienced, inflicted, and every horrible thing yet to come.
Then I figured out structure and its value. You need to clean things up and make it neat, but also make sure not to cling onto those structures. They are only there to let you understand how things work, use them to your whim.
Your living area extends into the rest of your life, I would recommend keeping it clean.
Take care of your body to an extent. Take a walk, drink more water. Just do a little something here and there, not asking you to be zyzz.
Then set a goal, I find if its something that creates something it helps. There is someone out there who will buy it or your services.
But then again that is what worked for me, I only on occasion feel at a complete stand still.
It's an amazing feeling to move and see things work around you.
But choose whats right for you, thats why we are here.
>>674326059
hope i didn't seem sarcastic, i was being genuine
>>674310917
Related to the picture, am I the only one here with DR? I think mine got worse with heavy weed smoking, any tips on reducing it? (I've obviously quit weed and other substances.)
>>674326166
symptom of depression.....says da old fart. kill depression, life, even the "mundane" will "look better".
>>674326213
I think suicide is only really an option when you know that if you continue living you will suffer more than enjoy life.
"only go on if the game is worth the gamble"
>>674326263
f-ing witch ya brah...
>>674325228
Decide what you want. Keep asking yourself what you can do to make it happen. Keep asking yourself if what you are already doing is actually helping you get what you want. This is the path.
http://www.artofmanliness.com/2015/03/28/podcast-106-the-champions-blueprint-with-dr-jeff-spencer/
"Let’s define what a champion is first and foremost, whether that’s in business, sport or whatever. Someone that can consistently deliver on a promise of their skill and their talent and a bigger, better and vital future in contribution of other people. If I look at that level definition, that’s someone that has the readiness for the pivotal moments to be able to achieve their champion goals, to avoid preventable problems. That’s a big deal. You got to be able to avoid preventable problems without losing time and momentum."
Also look at how this applies to women, really. If you read the game, yeah that book, he says at the end that he never got his dream girl until he figured out what he really wants. She wouldn't even date him, no matter how badasss he got or how much sex and hot cars he had she wouldn't date him.
The moment he stumbled on this material, this understanding, she was attracted to him and he stopped being a pickup artist. She could tell whether he knew who he was, all women can.
https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4ajhn2/dating_problems_broken_down_the_kind_of_fears/
>>674318863
Although your a fucking faggot, and this thread wasnt meant for this directly - I feel you /b/ro.. Sorry for you man. But women are just that: fucking soul sucking leeches. She sucked your energy out, left you hallow, and doesnt care... Fuck that. Get up and get out there. Even if you think its futile or pointless. Just the effort is important, trying to get away from her. Cut all ties, block her, work out, get a job, better yourself and try to move on.
>>674326648
Nothing like a fresh bottle of adderall to type! heh
>>674326496
Ahh thanks, I'd totally believe that. I do feel indifferent to almost everything generally, even the good things. Depression would explain a lot of that.
>>674327042
Depression and many mental disorders have the symptom of lack of insight. You only know what you know when "in it".
>>674326648
>Decide what you want. Keep asking yourself what you can do to make it happen. Keep asking yourself if what you are already doing is actually helping you get what you want. This is the path.
It really is. This is how to be an american man. This is how to be don draper. this is how to be dirty harry. This is how tom cruise lives.
I'm scared to talk about feminism. I think, I'm not sure though, but I really do believe that feminism empowered women to leave their abusive husbands. These women were never taught the philosophy of agency. So as generations of families grow out of a foundation of single mothers this philosophy was lost to the ages (really only about 80 years in total, maybe less).
I'm saying feminism is bad, we can talk about that anytime. But I am implying that single motherhood is the reason boys are not taught this stuff. Like I said, our parents can't teach us what they don't know.
If you look up serial killers, they are raised by single mothers. Same thing with the people who end up in jail, they had single mothers. My dad died when I was 19, and the last time I saw him was when I was 13. Before that I hadn't seen him since my mother got the police to take him from his home when I was 8. He had a family, my mom was his fat slampig.
I have so many questions I would have asked him if I was allowed to know him. As a middle aged man, I'm confident that the material I crudely slapped together here for you bros, is as good an answer as any son DESERVES from his father.
A lot of dads have no idea how to decide what they want and how to take action on it. It took me my whole life to figure this out, and honestly the whole paradigm of thought is about 200,000 characters long. If I wasn't so ignorant I could probably turn it into a book.
bros there is so much out there for you. It's all in your head. The problem is your head is quite a bit fucking bigger than you were raised to believe.
>>674326166
Yeah it might be all there is in your life as it stands when you ask that. But what's stopping you having more? What stopping you from getting a job that you LOVE and work your way up the ladder? Travelling and seeing the world? Exercising and feeling true love? Going for meals with people you care about? Investing? I was once a senior manager of a nutrition factory earning around 3,000$ a week. (No bullshit, I'm here to help, not lie) but I hated my work, I was always stressed, my friends used to always say they would love to be on that kinda money, but I say "what good is money when your in a job that you don't like 12 hours a day every day of the week, being too tired to exercise and having no time to spend with loved ones or trying to get my dream woman or even go boozing? So I said fuck it, I quit and started in a call centre for phone company as my interests were gym and technology, I was technical support from Veriron, working 8 hours 5 days a week for around 10$ an hour. Crazy right? Nah, because I loved being on a computer, flirting with woman and arguing with the odd stubborn guy, I loved fixing phones and having 9/10 people tell me they love me... I did so well I got manager position after 6 months and was now on 18$ an hour, still nowhere near my old job but I enjoyed the 8 hours I was there, had time for the gym, a couple of beers with the guys nearly every weekend, and more importantly the little things like visiting my grandmother, treating my mother to food in a restaurant, bringing my dream woman on dates. After another 6 months I got an oppurtunity to go back on calls, but for Apple, at home. Now this was tough, specially since I would feel lonely at home but I made sure i organised something with a loved one every day weather it was the little things (which are great and alot of people take for granted) like watching tv with mom and dad that night, or fetching a game of pool with the guys. When working at home for Apple it went
>>674326591
More than you enjoy life??? But it's pain in the mind that can be solved by finding stuff in life you love??? There's no one that doesn't like something?
>>674328170
I think he meant passion
>>674327775
sayz the old fart, me...........women can see when a dude is "trying" to impress and be something they are not. work on yourself for YOU. then women who want you for you will come. any hint of desperation and "fake bullshit"...game over. men and women are very different in how they think. men have been "programmed" to think/act how they think women/society want them to think.
there is no reason to kill yourself, there is nothing else, no afterlife
what is affecting you is mere an abnormality in your neurochemistry, go get some SSRI's or quit your repetitive life and go backpacking for a few years, or become a criminal, or just leave your comfort zone
>>674329254
you get to be born again, free of any notion of having lived a past life such as when you were born. Did you come in to this universe? or out of it?
>>674327991
>CONT.. it went down to 15$ an hour but over time (any hour over 39 hours/week) was paid at around 25$ an hour so I did an extra hour every day because I'd spend that travelling etc for work anyway.. I took this oppurtunity once again not because of the money but because I would love the job, working with apples finest products and possessing them for yourself, but more importantly, your working for God damn apple lol, who wouldn't be impressed seeing that on a resume... I worked for them for about 9 months and got offered an interview for a recruitment manager in an apple call centre, earning about 2500$ week with so much benefits like free gym membership health insurance etc, I did the interview and now Im a recruitment manager for Apple, and I'm engaged to my dream woman after spending more time with her, and my social life is better than ever... I was earning ridiculous cash for a job that made me miserable so like that, nearly 2 years after taking a risk and starting from rock bottom I'm living my dream life, spending every day recruiting ambitious people and hoping to make their dreams come true like mine did.... I went from being rich but suicidal, to poor but happy, and I climbed that ladder, I would say it was hard work but to be honest, it didn't feel like work because I enjoyed every day of my life? (Of course with the odd few dull days which everyone has, we wouldn't know the sunny days without the rainy ones) so guys forget about the money, start focusing on career you WANT... I smartly used answering phones for Veziron customer service at a wage only a fraction of my old one and doing job that many consider horrible, but I rather enjoyed, and used it as a gateway for my dreams, more importantly focausing on the qualify of life rather than the money and stressful things. You can do anything you set your mind to guys. Don't look in the past, your not going that way.. look to the future and make that bitch beautiful!
>>674314747
>>674316463
>>674317610
>>674318415
>>674319621
>>674320812
>>674321440
>>674322897
>>674324171
>>674325228
>>674326648
>>674327775
Finally my ban ended.
Was lurking this thread since the begging.
Fuck anon, yes/10 thread.
>>674310917
It's more like the day passes by without remembering anything. Food is just fuel and you feel numb everyday. Not that It stems from anything its just who we are. That's just my 2 cents
>>674330259
Welcome back
>>674330259
welcome back.
>>674324826
> look guys I'm off, I'm the guy that wrote the paragraphs about my suicide attempt and my rise from the bottom to the top, I'm getting off this now but if anyone (and please don't troll, it's a serious matter) is still seeing no way out then feel free to open up to me on kik : bispingmark101 . Hope I helped someone on the thread and I hope everyone remains strong and keeps beautiful, precious life. As I said kik me if anyone needs help, it's the least I could see as I know what it feels like.
try all drugs
>>674327775
I also want to mention a symbol. A circle or ring.
Maybe you have noticed that in your mind, you think in lines. You do math on number lines et cetera. Everything is strung together. When you reach the end of hermetic philosophy and have these understandings, that line connects to itself (unborn and undying, remember?)
This makes a ring or circle. This is where the ensho symobl in Zen actually comes from. It's a ring in the mind that forms post enlightenment. This is also why saints are depicted with halos above their heads. IT's all the same shit.
In Ram Dass' book, Be Here Now, he actually has an art page with a drawing of the ring in his mind. This and other stuff pretty much confirmed it for me.
A ring is infinite, it has no beginning and no end. It's also empty. This is what monks mean when they say 'find your center'. They are alluding to your enlightenment, and the spaciousness of mind you cultivated. You meditate on it. When a christian monk kneels down, bows his head and "lets the holy ghost arise" they are talking about meditation. It's all the same.
The fruit in the garden of eden was a mushroom. Paintings of the garden of eden in medieval churches show mushrooms. 'if they eat fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil *they will become as we are*'
The whole thing is about who gets to take these mushrooms and who doesn't. We started to run out of them at some point, and they probably contributed to hominid brain growth. The ancient greeks called it the eleusinian mysteries. Each citizen allowed to make a pilgrimage there and trip balls, but only once in their whole life.
>>674330259
welcome back
when it comes to dying i am 100% content with the idea and will more likely than not off myself within the next year or so depending on how some key components go. With that being said i am also ok with living if those things go well. even if they do those things i were talking about go great i still will probably kill myself just because the thought of having not a worry in the world anymore sounds pretty prime. What im really scared of is that whole reincarnation thing is real. Sounds like a silly fear but i think that if im just a semi-sad suicidal thought hiding thing just moving from thing to thing in this life then i can't see myself being any different in any other life. Another thing that will keep me from killing myself is my family. I tried like 2 times once by trying to drown myself and once by hanging but then my body started to seize or some shit and i pussed out. Honestly i think i should've gone through with it just because nothing really happened since then. Im not a depressed shit and i lost my virginity so i mean it sounds weird that i just want to be dead but i feel like if anyone gets where im coming from it's the niggers on here. i kinda wish i got here a little earlier so i could converse with some peiople about what they think about all this but what do i know im just a fag, amirite?
>>674332771
>tfw you will never have such a qt 3.14 gf to snuggle and watch old romantic movies with
Jesus was a carpenter and there are missing years for his biography so to speak. However after he travels east to experience that trip he finds himself 'in the earth, but not of it'.
In hebrew the sentence "i am one with god" and "I am god" are similar, or something like that. I'm getting drunker now. So on his walk back west from tripping he tries to talk to other people, and he's not a native hebrew speaker. They stone him.
After the fall of rome some cardinals discover that jesus was actually a zen buddhist or a hermetic philosopher and they heavily edit all the material. They change the word Tetragrammaton in the bible to Yahweh, and it's all downhill from there. Here are some photos that I guess prove nothing but I think they are neat.
Wider shot of the first image. Alright, I'm out. Good luck deciding what you all want. Good luck taking action on it.
Remember to use questions, they are the key to Agency. What do you want? What can you commit right now to make it happen? Is what you are doing right now making that goal happen?
Stay true to the path.
>>674313864
Was a good movie but not taht good mate.
What will /b/ do when Revelation happens?
/b/ feel like killing yourself? Get some fucking help, this is what medication is for people. I wanted to kill myself for 10 years and never thought it would stop. On lamictal and mirapex now and feel like I woke from a bad dream.
>>674311490
i really thought that through one time forinsurrance reason,my plan was (grafittisprayer here) to pretend to go spraypaint near some rails, and get "accidently" hit by a train.
I feel as though this is all a dream, or a nightmare. Or hell. But I don't honestly believe this is the real, waking world. Not reality. Haven't for some time. I'm not really afraid of death, I'm convinced it will be like waking up.
>>674336672
I'm glad it helped you but honestly this shouldn't even be an answer. These days all people ducking do is medicate a problem to hide it so that they don't have to deal with it. I was on antidepressants for about a year and felt "eh" while I was on them and once the company I worked for closed I lost my health insurance and couldn't afford to continue on the pills. You want to know what happened? The moment I was off those pills for like three days I considered suicide around 20 times all in one day. Do you ever think what might happen if for some reason you weren't able to continue taking those pills? You would pro ably slip so low into a depression that you would most likely kill yourself. I found personally why I got so depressed and I changed that aspect of my life. Now whenever this time of year rolls around I slip back into it and I just keep telling myself "hold out for another week, it'll get better" and honestly it doesn't really help, I'm still depressed; but hey, I've made it two years like this so far, and I ain't planning on cutting myself short any time soon.
>>674338388
There are two types of depression, depression from a situation which is what yours sounds like, and depression from a chemical imbalance in the brain, what I have. No amount of happy thinking will fix my problem its genetic. I have either bipolar or scherzo effective.
>>674310917
to overcome this existence, to merge my spirit and body and become an immortal, to be free from the cycle that all mortals are cursed to endure.. and then I will spend my days watching anime and getting fat.. desu~
Reason to kms
>sent dick pick
>read
>returned photo
>"goodnight"
Such is life
Man. I don't wanna die. I don't think anyone who committed suicide ever really wanted to die. We just think of it so much, as an escape, we forget that there are better things we could be doing than dying.
I mean, sometimes I wanna die, I really wanna die & escape the hell inside my mind. But, ideally, i'd rather live a completely different life, I don't mean someone else's life. I mean, Ideally i'd wake up to the sound of my childrens' laughter, turn over and stare into the closed eyes of my sleeping wife.
And I know I can't just 'wake up' in a new, ideal life, so I consider suicide. This has nothing to do with being lazy or anything like that. I myself have changed a lot about myself and am no stranger to hard work, If I don't want to accept something, I usually change it.
However, I find it so fucking difficult to open up to people. I can't even tell my own mother how I really feel.
I could tell you about all my horrible nightmares, all my shitty past experiences that I re-live when I'm sleeping. I could tell you all the times I've had to re-live excruciating pain in my dreams. Although all of that really fucks with my head and causes me to wake up at 3am sweating from head to toe, none of those nightmares are as bad as the dreams I don't wanna wake up from.
I'm sure you've had them too; there's a significant other and you just know you love each other. You are both physically intimate on a spiritual level. She's perfect and you love her, because she loves you too, and you have no problem or difficulty showing your love for her, and neither does she. You feel safe.
Then you wake up. You're not safe anymore. You realize you have no one to talk to about your torturous nightmares, about your flashbacks or breakdowns that you hold back because you have to be 'strong'. You have no one you can relate to. Although you don't cry, you know how weak you are, how alone you are. You believe you deserve this life. It's all your fault.
You wanna die.
>>674339863
This needs to be archived in my opinion.
Anon I feel I could learn a lot from you
>>674338902
Yeah, that makes sense I guess. I know mines is genetics because a majority of my family on my mother's side has been diagnosed with all different types of deppression. I can understand where you're coming from, and I respect the fact that antidepressants work for you, all I'm trying to say is that if any other anons are reading what I'm saying, don't just go straight to the pills. Get a counselor/therapist and talk to them about you. My therapist told me that I have the same chemical imbalance situation that you have, but mine is somewhat affected by the seasons it seems. When it gets cold and grey out they noticed that I have a chemical inbalance in my blood. I don't take the pills anymore though because not only does it take away the dark times, but it also takes away the lighter times in my life. It was because of this that I had a girlfriend leave me because "I never show any emotion and I can be a downer sometimes". She really did care, it's just after about a year of that she just said it felt like I didn't love her anymore.
>>674340351
whats your story anon
>>674310917
this song snags a feel for some raisin.
"Something For Nothing"
Waiting for the winds of change
To sweep the clouds away
Waiting for the rainbow's end
To cast its gold your way
Countless ways
You pass the days
Waiting for someone to call
And turn your world around
Looking for an answer
To the question you have found
Looking for
An open door
You don't get something for nothing
You can't have freedom for free
You won't get wise
With the sleep still in your eyes
No matter what your dreams might be
What you own is your own kingdom
What you do is your own glory
What you love is your own power
What you live is your own story
In your head is the answer
Let it guide you along
Let your heart be the anchor
And the beat of your own song
You don't get something for nothing
You can't have freedom for free
You won't get wise
With the sleep still in your eyes
No matter what your dreams might be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip-vRmUxfBA
>>674310917
So find a reason.
>>674310917
Real Shit right here. It happen to me a few days a go.
I am under academic probation. My grades suck I mean a have a 1.667 gpa, and the classes I am taking are literally kicking my ass. I been having panic/anxiety attacks. No friends got rejected last semester. And to makes matters worse I apologize for telling her I like her. I now realize it make me look like a pussy. Anyways lately I been loosing my shit. I cant get a girlfriend. My grades fucking suck right now. And I feel I cant take this shit anymore, But then I went to my school gym, and a saw a wall with people that commit suicide. And it hit me really hard. So why not? Why not give my life a another shot?
>>674341634
"Friend" constantly makes fun of me
But hey at least I get cool shit cause he's rich af
I'm poor af, mom is addicted to Xanax, dad is depressed almost to the point of suicide. He's overweight, on the verge of heartattack.
Good grades, but no one thinks I'm smart. Fun to be around, but no one really talks to me at school. Always say hi to people passing, but they never say hi unless I do.
I can't talk to girls because as soon as I do my mind just sort of blanks and runs out of ideas. I just don't know what to say or talk about.
Uncle is constantly in and out of jail along with his shit wife. They have three babies, used for the purpose of social security benefits. Grandparents on the verge of dying have to take care of them. GP is 70, can't walk but ten feet without passing out, he's getting 20% oxygen to his lungs. Part of his brain is dying due to this. GM is overweight, her old body won't be able to support all that extra body in a couple year. Forgot how old she was.
Brother is depressed af, and I'm not sure what to say or do for him. He just gets angry and tells me to fuck of if I try to help him and when I tried to go past that he started fighting me. I don't wanna fight my big brother, I love him, but I wanna help him.
Just general petty shit besides the family, they really worry me.
>>674342538
What are you studying anon?
>>674343312
a worthless degree on math
I am one course away to finish my math required
i still need more free electies and a minor
>>674342816
i feel you bro. i have 2 older brothers, i never had a good relationship with them, recently i got a phone call that my oldest brother was sobbing in his room, hes depressed. I moved out a few months ago and i'm living with my mom now. My best friend back where i used to live was rich too, and he did make fun of me, but I knew he had my back and I had his. I just had to suck it up because I knew he was a good guy. my grandpa died, that was the first time I saw my dad properly cry, the other time was when I left home and he gave me a hug when I was leaving, I didn't show any emotion. I remember thinking "How could he be so weak?" I'm the weak one. I wish I could be as vulnerable as others. i wish it wasn't so hard for me to open up. Anyways, I used to suck at talking to girls too, for real, I don't even know why but cute girls would say hi to me and i would just ignore them cause i was so nervous. Then, I guess i stopped thinking about it and stopped giving a fuck and now all of my friends are girls. I'm still really depressed and about a month ago i was put in psych ward for suicide watch. I was put on all sorts of pills, and when I got out I just told everyone I was locked up so no one knows.
I could keep going on about me and our similar situations but let me give you some advice.
You're in a toxic environment, you need to leave. How old are you? Are you physically fit? Abuse the fuck out of your school's gym, if you don't have anything to lose or anything against it, join the Army or Marines. Get on the next train out of where you are, get on the next plane if you can. Get a job, make some money, do anything. You just need to leave your environment, this doesn't mean your going to abandon it, if you feel that way, then make sure that you'll come back, and when you do, that you'll be stronger than ever.
That's what I did, I still haven't been back home yet, but the plan is when I do i'll join the marines and go from there.
i cannot feel love, or hate,
>>674343649
What's wrong with math lol that's my major too.
>>674334900
Thanks for the read, anon.
>>674345330
hehehe
where or what would you like to work?
cause I have no fucking idea
I was thinking like working in a bank and getting pay good, but I dont know
>>674347003
The day /b did a great kindness without a single troll
>>674310917
My reason to live is so my best friend can. If either of us lost the other, we would take our own lives
>>674312236
Kate?
>>674348599
How... how did you know?
>>674349582
whats the story?
>>674350254
it always puzzles me when people ask for the story for such webms. whatever the reason was for the child to be put under such torture was, I doubt he himself ever found out. the story is up to your imagination. maybe the kids abusing the child were abused themselves, or maybe their just psychologically cold. maybe they wen't down a slippery slope of abusing animals, and it led to humans.
this is the nature of humans, it's beautiful and it's ugly at the same time.
gonna finish dumping my feels then go bed
Does anyone else get this?
>stay in my room most of the time
>parents aren't too happy with it but are accepting
>have a job and stuff, but don't do much else
>not old enough/financially stable enough for own house
>parents called me down for dinner last night
>"Special dinner" with some relatives
>walked in, everyone was talking
>felt a bit lost/confused, wandered into the living room
>My mind seemed pretty clear but it was like focusing on strange things
>couldn't hear anyone or see anyone
>felt disconnected
>mum asked me if I wanted a drink
>"yeah thanks, mum"
>wander around more, feeling really lost at this point
>everything is intense
>I feel like throwing up
>find mum, ask her where my drink went
>she looks confused
>some of my relatives ask me how work is etc.
>can't really hear them
>wander more, find like 15+ cups of water sitting on a table
>mum sees, says I poured them myself
>confused
>I excuse myself, go to my room
>I'm feeling empty/lost/confused
>nothing seems to be clicking
Sometimes I also get really high days. Like, a single emotion is all I can feel, but after that I feel incredibly empty. Is this normal? How do I fix it? Please help me /b/ros
>>674321440
>What's worse is that when we use the word chair to refer to a chair, we speak as if the object really is 'chair'. Words are small mouth noises. If I sing a song to you is that the same thing as the objects we are talking about?
i've thought this exact same thing before but never actually managed to put it into words as simple as this
I want to earn death.
Fuck you faggots.
>>674351832
and wonderwoman naked?
what about lex luthor becaming shazam?
No reason to live or die?
Make yourself a reason nigga.
How in the flying fuck has this thread survived for 4 fucking hours!?!?
I've never tried to kill myself nor do i feel like doing it, but i feel like i have every reason to do it and it makes so much sense in my head.....
>>674352433
cause ppl like me dumping feels while bumping it
Very often I wonder if other people my age struggle with the same things I do such as becoming financially independant or coming off as a complete and utter failure.
>>674310917
If I die I end my existential anguish and if I continue to live I can continue to enjoy life the many things it offers until I eventually die thus ending my existential anguish.
If you don't know how to handle things just go with the flow and if things are bad then branch out.
and now im going off. i leave you with this fellow anons.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1wa9pYWSaSS
>>674310917
Greed doesn't appeal to me, and I've all but accepted I'm going to die alone.
Every day at my crappy retail job, I get a little more misanthropic.
>>674352955
2nd part?
