ITT: We all work at the same company Part 3
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
ITT: We all work at the same company
Part 3
>>672649773
I ar teh hacker named 4chan.
Send me all your pepes or be forever cursed with bad internet speeds.
Hey guys I need some help here! How do I download Google?
Mrs. Jenkins
Company's old woman
ATTN: ALL STAFF.
There are rumors floating around about a so-called
"Loli Cave"
We neither confirm nor deny the existence of such a place on the 4th Floor, past Daniel's new office on the left.
Any and all talk of this will be expunged from the databases and those who talk of this outside work will have Disciplinary Actions meted out to them
-Management
>>672650077
I'm not sure what you're talking about. I never even knew we had a fourth floor
-James, CNC
Question:
Can I be assistant to the manager? I am more qualified than any of these people. You could say I'm over-qualified.
>>672650077
RE: ATTN: ALL STAFF
I may or may not have restocked the loli cave that may or may not exist.
This may or may not be Alex from IT
>>672650077
chcked
Subject: Loli Cave
I found it guys... It's in the supply cabinet, third floor.
Guys, the FBI is looking for the Loli Cave, what do we do?
James G.
Company's Engineer
>>672650294
We'll have someone to interview you shortly.
How do you feel about blacks?
Dan Smith
HR Associate
Attn: ALL STAFF.
Due to complaints (brita ) the lunch room is now vegan only. Anyone wanting to eat meat has to keep their food at their cubicle.
Jaquine, HR,consultant.
Jaquine
I'm really mad because of your decision of changing the menu, I will take measures
James G
Company's engineer
>>672650536
Jaquine, this angers me. I shall be eating my baconator right in front of Brita until our fucking periods sync and then I'll continue for eight weeks.
Alex, IT
Dear everyone,
I got allowance to read everyones email for "safety" reasons so please do continue sending those nudes to eachother.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
I saw a WatchMoJo video on the top ten worst companies and I just gotta say that I would love to join
Shitters clogged
>>672650437
I've got no worries
The only thing I've ever done up there is watch "world's wildest police videos" reruns
-James, CNC
>>672651010
I swear if it's you fuckers in the next block that keep shitting in my stall I will hire Daniel to fuck me while starting another shooting. You aren't even supposed to be in there.
Alex, IT
>>672650917
Alex
That mental image gave me a raging boner. Please send pics or, better yet, bring three baconators and some KY and meet me in my office in 15 minutes.
Anon Anononson Esq.
General Counsel
Could you fucks stop filling the company folder with pictures of Kevin Spacey?
-Jason, from IT
>>672651279
ON MY FUCKING WAY
Alex, IT
>>672651319
Lol, who would do something like that?
Of course it wasn't me
-James, CNC
>>672651319
Fine, I'll just use Shrek, then.
Alex, IT
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: need a new friend
Ever since Silly Willard disappeared I have felt lonely. Since I have no friends at this company any more (God rest their souls) I would like to invite you to Shakey's after work. Since I am familiar with your culture I will accept a Popeye's or a KFC in exchange for your friendship.
Any ideas on hiring a nice new chunk of ass for Brad since Brita bit the bullet?
~Harold Burner
HR
>>672651415
Don't take credit for my genus, James. But that cave was a wonderful idea. Wanna fuck some lolis later?
Alex, IT
ATTN: ALL STAFF,
I just wanted to announce that I'm putting up this kittens for adoption. My bitch of a wife left me so now I'm stuck with these. Anyone wanting a kitten, message me!
Bernard, PR
>>672651524
SOMEBODY KILLED BRITA?! GODDAMN IT, OUR PERIODS WERE ALMOST SYNCED. NOW WHO WILL I EAT BACONATORS IN FRONT OF?!
Alex, a very pissed IT
RE: ATTN ALL STAFF,
*These kittens
Bernard
Just a heads up I hired Tyrone in security to help keep company morale and smokables at an all time high. Also if you need anything Jizzed on he's your man.
~Harold Burner
HR
I have 100 staplers I don't know why you guys don't have any.
>>672651496
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: need a new friend
Sure, just give me a bucket of kfc and we can be bros, you can even call me your nigga
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672651778
Just a question,
Is he gay?
ATTN: ALL STAFF
In lieu of Christmas bonuses this year we will be handing out complementary lunchboxes. To claim your lunchbox please see Dan Smith in HR and submit to him the amount of money to be withheld from each paycheck to pay for the lunchboxes.
Thanks,
Jack Samuelson, CEO
Are there any jobs going?
Notice to all staff:
As fun as black orgy pictures may be they are not appropriate to post on the lunchroom walls, thank you the management.
>>672651908
Lol my IRL workplace did this for fucking t-shirts
>>672650294
Dwight K Schrute fuck off.
>>672651900
I remember him saying something about fruit once but I think he was selling it not fucking it.
~Harold Burner
HR
I heard Jim from floor 3 has been looking at pictures of men dressed as women? He calls them "traps" and constantly spouts that it's not gay because the penises are feminine??? What a freak
>>672651530
Can't fuck any lolis, got my dick stuck in a dolphin earlier and still recovering.
I think we should look at it as "Shared" Genus
>>672651419
For fuck sakes Alex you do that one more time, and I'll take matters into my own hands. Quit filling that god damned folder with your spam.
-Jason, IT
>>672651900
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: NOT GAY
I am not gay I just really like jizzing on things.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672651916
There was a mass shooting that thankfully hopened up positions for bright new faces. We're looks for a hot receptionist or a hot janitor. If you are black, sorry that position was filled.
To: All Staff
CONFERENCE ROOM 2 MINUTES
-Michael
>>672652050
Why don't we just fire him?
I don't think something like that is allowed in the office.
>>672652056
Well you won't even let me into your cubicle because you assume I'm a landwhale. Damn, everyone does. Just let me SEE one of my coworkers for once, then I'll stop.
In all honesty, I can't afford jack shit, so I've been living off Ramen and sleeping on the floor.
Please let me in.
Alex, IT
>>672652237
To: Micheal
Can not attend have appointment with shitter for next hr.
-James.
>>672652015
RE: Lol my IRL workplace did this for fucking t-shirts
We have to keep revenue up somehow, no one seems to be really interested in lolis and lube anymore.
Thanks,
Jack Samuelson, CEO
>>672652237
On my way!
Can people please poop in the designated toilet areas
Louis, janitor
>>672652237
Who do you think you are? This isn't Scranton, fuck off Michael.
Former Chairman Christopher Poole
>>672652237
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Meeting
Am I allowed to smoke inside the building?
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
Not coming into work today. I read that if we all go on strike we make more money. WHO'S WITH ME?
Joseph
>>672652509
Joseph, if you come to work today, I'll unblock the Tor download site.
Alex, IT
>>672652237
RE:
CONFERENCE ROOM 2 MINUTES
You don't call a meeting. Only I call a meeting.
Thanks,
Jack Samuelson, CEO
>>672652155
But we have to hire a nigger, our only one got shot and NAACP will be up our asses if we don't
-James, CNC
To: HR
Bcc: [email protected]
Subject: Application
Attch: KRResume2016.pdf
Salutations,
To whomever it may concern, I recently applied and was informed to submit my resume and request a formal interview. Please contact me back with an answer at your earliest convenience
-Sincerely KR, Data Entry Hopeful
>>672652509
RE: Not coming into work today
Take the rest of your life off because you're fired. And also take your own life.
Thanks,
Jack Samuelson, CEO
>>672652509
I'm sorry, but I have an important meeting today.
Could you give me a better time that will suit both of us?
- Web designer Legionson
>>672652601
Shut up you fat she-male bitch. This isn't for animal rights
Joseph
>>672652700
>>672650518
RE: Application
CC: Dan Smith, HR
With dubs like that you are undoubtedly qualified. I'll speak to HR to expedite the process.
Thanks,
Jack Samuelson, CEO
>>672652786
I think you're talking to the wrong person here.
- Web designer, Legionson Trap
>>672652786
I have never been or will be male and/or transgender. Holy fuck are you people dense.
Alex, IT
>>672652786
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Warning
Please calm down or I have to do my job and detain you, we dont want any trouble makers around.
Ps: Detaining you means jail, jail means the trunk of my car for three hours but I dont want my rear suspension broken, please dont make me.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
Everybody walk the dinosaur.
Brett, Temp
ATTN: ALL STAFF
Hello there. As most of you may or may not have heard about the shootings that freed up a lot of positions. Like a lot of them.
Shit was crazy, I tell you. Anyway, as it stands, the company is in a peculiar position.
Nobody has seen Trey, Chad is nutsack-less.
Brita is..well is dead and has a mysterious white fluid leaking out from between her legs.
Daniel is nowhere to be found and Tyrone is still dealing.
The loli cave that does not exist needs more lolis. We need more female interns. Like real ones. Not mtf ones. HR staff, get on this immediately.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: forgot password
I forgot my company password
>>672652305
Rumor is he hasn't gotten fired because all the guys on his floor are into it
>>672652700
Hello. My name is Dan Smith.
First off, we need to know if you have tits.
Its a security question, so don't feel threatened.
Second of all, on a scale of 1-10, how good at giving head would you say you are?
Dan Smith
HR Associate
>>672652720
Attention Jack and sales staff -
Got the rundown on some new leads.
Spooge me an email if you have any questions or concerns.
-Seamus, Customer Relations
What's the policy regarding workplace relationships?
>>672653078
THE'LL FUCK THE 500 POUND LANDWHALE WITH BUTTERFACE BUT THEY WON'T FUCK THE 5/10 120 POUND IT PRACTICALLY LIVING IN HER CUBICLE. WHAT EVEN IS THIS COMPANY.
Alex, IT
Hey everyone! Can you all meet me in the conference room in 5? I'm the dreaded "team building" coach sent by those big boys upstairs. But don't worry, I put on my fun pants today. And there will be cake afterwards!
I am Boss. Do you work mooar or are you fiired?
ATTN: ALL STAFF
Remember to wear your charcoal 4chin Inc. polo shirts tomorrow.
Photo shoot will commence at 4 PM.
If you have any questions let me know.
- Janice Remmies
Office Administrator
>>672653456
Dear Janice Remmies,
Tits or gtfo
With best regards,
Joseph
Hey guys! My name is stephen! My dad got me this job! Really excited to work here!
I understand that 9-gag is blocked (a website on which funny images are shared). Is there anyone in IT that could unblock it? Or else I'm afraid I'll have to talk to my dad.
Thanks!
Stephen
-communication
KKK meeting behind the church
>>672653720
RE: Hey guys!
You'll have plenty of time to talk to your dad since both of you no longer work here.
Thanks,
Jack Samuelson, CEO
>>672653720
Are you fucking joking? Your dad's the one who had it blocked, and even if I wanted 9gag for some gods forsaken reason, I wouldn't get fired over it.
???, IT
>>672653886
Re: Re: Hey guys!
Dad stop playing or I'll tell mom you fucked that black guy
Stephen
-communications
>>672653308
Alex.
Like Oisin said before he got a shot like a
famine dodging mick, We can't tell if you are
in-fact Female. We had too many mtf's and frankly, Your tits aren't up to par.
Step up your game, Alex.
PS. Everyone on the floor thinks you have
Thrush and or Herpes.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc.
ATTN: ALL STAFF
To whomever it may concern, the fucker WHO DOESN'T REFILL THE COFFEE MACHINE AFTER TAKING THE LAST CUP OF COFFEE IN THE 2ND FLOOR BREAK ROOM IS FUCKING DEAD IF WE FIND THEM. Consider this a mild warning.
- Jacob Alexandersson
Head of Financial Dept.
>>672653308
Do you have a feminine penis?
Francis, Accounting
>>672649773
Where's my fuckin mail Jim?
*tries to watch porn and masturbate unnoticed*
>>672654363
*watches over cubicle*
>>672654363
*Makes eye contact*
Uhh. Hey.
here's your mail.
Kerri Hannigan
Mailroom Intern
Spider time
>>672654127
>>672654297
I may have to go to HR about this, and I fucking hate HR. I am not a mtf, and I'm clean because NOBODY WILL FUCK ME FOR SOME DAMNED REASON.
Alex, Close to quitting IT
>>672654674
I'll give you a shot if you stick a Tenga egg in your
cunt and get up to my office.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc.
>>672654655
I'm afraid you need to vacate the premises.
You do not work here and you are trespassing on
private property. If you do not comply, I will
use force.
Shaniquanica Marvin II
Security Guard
>>672654842
It barely fit, but I'm coming up.
Alex, IT
ATTN:All Staff
RE:The end.
The time since the shooting has been tough on me. I was struck by broken glass, and my face is heavily cut. No one will look at me. My fiance moved out because she can't bear to look at me. Kids hide, and their parents just stare. My own dog doesn't recognize me. Not a single one of you fucks visited me in the hospital. I don't even think you knew I was hurt. Well, it doesn't matter now. By the time you get this far in this message, I will be on top of the building. From there, I will jump to freedom. Freedom of this destroyed and fractured life. Goodbye. Oh, and Maria, in accounting, I've always liked your tits, and we fucked once in a closet when you were drunk at a Christmas party.
-James Rustler 1974-2016
Hey guys!
I need to send some letters, but I forgot on what side of the enveloppe the stamps are supposed to go. Also, how many stamps do I put on it? First day, haha ;-)
Thanks!
PS: There was a pitcher of koolaid in the breakroom marked with 'T'. I took a glass or two, I hope you don't mind.
Stephen
-communications
To: Jack Samuelson
Hi! I heard you run a company with memes and lolis. Where can i apply?
Thanks,
Mitch Carson, local bum.
ATTN ALL STAFF:
If you use all the shittickets, put a new roll in so I dont have to keep assisting people in the restrooms after (vegan) taco tuesdays (god knows what the fuck they put in those things) and to help the general workplace not smell like shit
Thank You
Phil the Janitor
REPLY ALL
WHERE ARE THE TPS REPORTS LOL :)))
BEST,
JOE
ATTN: HR
There are a total of zero vegans/vegetarians working here. Please remove the meat and animal product restrictions. I am tired of having to go down three blocks to eat something NOT weird and fucked up without meat.
Alex, IT
ATTN ALL STAFF:
Due to complaints from the "female" coworkers, there will be a three day course in 'Safe workplace enviorment, and Sexual harassment course' For all male staff this friday to sunday.
There will be No overtime pay, and it's mandatory.
Jaquine, HR Consultant.
Yeeeeah... I'm going to need all you guys to come in on saturday, that'll be great.
>>672655593
Re: ATTN ALL STAFF
Well tell the to go fuck themselves! We may or may not have a floor dedicated to loli and they dont fucking care.
Matt Communications
ATTN: Staff, anyone else who may be concerned and Alex
That lasted all of 2 mins.
I can understand why you like meat so much.
Oh and to everyone else. That is sloppy seconds.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc.
Alright guys, who the fuck jizzed in my slab of butter again in the snack fridge?
This protein supplements gag has been running on way too long now.
Need I remind you that the boss has put us on our final warning for casual nudity dress in the office?
If we screw up again, he'll pull the plug, and it'll be no more fancy crotch dress days, no more circle-jerk breaks, and I'm pretty sure the secretary will feel a little less loved on coffee break.
I don't wanna have to complain about it, but common guys, keep it out of the snack room.
- Whiny Davidson
- Marketing
ATTN :All Staff.
Splat.
-James Rustler.
>>672655835
I didn't even get off, and I had your dick and that egg. You are a fucking quickshot. Now I have to find someone who can last more than 30 seconds.
Alex, IT
>>672650022
dude ultra google chrome
>>672656035
James, you and the lolis understand me.
Floor 4, ten minutes, or I'll bust a cap in your nuts.
Alex, IT
From: [email protected]
To: *Everyone*
Subject: WHO
YO WHO DRANK MY KOOL AID?
I DONT CARE ABOUT MY JOB SO YOU BETTER HIDE BITCH, IM CALLING MY HOMIES
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
ATTN ALL MALE STAFF
please stop shitting on the rims of the toilet
Phil the Janitor
>>672655593
Jaquine.
Pack your bags, clean out your desk.
4Chins Inc. Has been a dedicated Male First environment since its inception. We only ever hire females on the basis that they have an unwritten rule to follow: to pleasure the male staff when needed, in addition to the loli cave that may or may not exist.
PS. I never liked your meatloaf. Too much garlic.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc.
PPS. If you have a little sister, give her my card.
ATTN: To the six people who shat in receiving, I have a wife and two kids to support and I work 12 goddamn hours a day to provide, thank you for something to do
XOXO
Hank
Janitor
FOR FUCKS SAKES GUYS
STOP
PHOTOCOPYING
PHOTOCOPIES.
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: We have a problem
Jack,
As we remember the board voted at the end of last quarter to keep you on as CEO, despite a marked drop in profits. You gave us your assurances that whatever was wrong in this company would be fixed quickly.
However, this scandal changes the situation. One too many shipments of dragon dildos have gone missing, the stockholders (myself included) are getting restless, and my contacts lower down the totem pole tell me these sex toys are going missing before they come anywhere close to shipping.
This problem has gotten significant enough that it's affecting our profit margin. Either these goods are being sold covertly on the side, or someone is using them for himself, an option which I consider unlikely. (Who could be such a colossal faggot?)
In any case I am calling you and all VPs to an emergency meeting with the board immediately. If you can't get to the bottom of this we'll find someone who can.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
>>672656300
Hank.
I am pretty sure I hired you on the basis
that you give out soft handies in the bathroom.
Its in the contract. You're behind on your handjob quota.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
>>672656242
Hey Phil, it's Hank! You still coming to the Barbecue on sunday? There will be sliders!
PPS don't let Alex from IT find out about it, last time he tried hitting on my daughter, he ruined her 6th birthday, thanks
Hank
Janitor
>>672656373
Clearly, there's another James you dumbfuck. Unless YOU want to take new James' place, shut your whore mouth
Alex, IT
>>672654529
oh my ioooh hhkay hehe thanks ... i i i ((fuck fuck fuck))
From: [email protected]
To: The Entire IT Department
Subject: comp crash
my computer crashed and when i tried to restart it a black screen came up with a lot of strange letters
i think they were commie letters
i tried putting in my password but the screen just blanked out and now nothing comes up when i start the computer
plaese fix it
-Gina
Temp
<There are also several shitty pictures of cats attached to this email.>
>>672656517
HANK HOW DENSE ARE YOU
I HAVE A VAGINA
A REAL VAGINA
i was hitting on your daughter
BUT STILL
VAGINA YOU DENSE LITTLE SHIT
Alex, IT
>>672656455
Hi Dan
I met quota for the first two months, staff stopped enjoying them after my hands got calloused, I'm trying my best to meet ends but the only one who regularly comes in for the handy j's is jack, and I haven't seen much of him since that shipment of rubber dicks went missing
Hank
Janitor
>>672656444
Mr. Paine
We already indicted Ron Head of Finance during the Daniel Shootout Fiasco, as the FBI was involved due to having access or rather demanding access to our financial records. On the other hand, the last shipment of Dragon Dildos have been tagged as missing, but I'm sure the Filipino rent boys have that covered.
Brad Higgins
Chief Financial Officer, 4Chins Inc.
PS. We can recoup the losses if we paint the regular white boy dildos black, so we can market them as medium sized black dick.
>>672656619
How the fuck did you send this email from the blender, Gina?
Alex, IT
>>672656569
Nah man.
>>672656747
So that thing hanging down isnt really a penis?
Sincerely confused,
Hank
Janitor
>>672656752
Proceed to the company clinic.
The doctor should have something for your
hands, provided that I did not miss the memo about him being alive or not.
Dan Smith
HR Associate.
PS. Your Daughter is a freak bro. Damn. If she needs a job, I got your back
Okay I just got back from my fag break and I'd love to know WHO THE FUCK IT WAS THAT SMEARED SHIT ALL OVER MY DESK YOU
>>672656517
Yeah! although Id watch out if I were you, I saw Alex snooping around some of the workers desks and computers while they were away. He was mumbling something about "the ultimate doujinshi" or something of the sort.
Phil the Janitor
PS: Need more windex on floor 2
>>672656241
Oh sorry Tyrone! That was me!
But I thought you wouldn't mind, as I'm very affiliated with the black community (I listen to childish gambino).
Sorry again my nigga (haha just joking ;-p)
Stephen
-communications
>>672650022
Post nudes
>>672656836
RE: How the fu...
this is a blender? i thoguht it was one of those new apple things
no wonder my mouse wouldnt connect
-Gina
<A picture of a shredded USB dongle is attached.>
>>672650077
>loli cave
>>672657075
I'll bring some windex up from storage, do you guys have any mops up there? The only ones I can find are stained with what appears to be an astounding amount of semen
Thanks
Hank
Janitor
Can someone send the Mexican repairguy to the second floor basement? The printer broke again
>>672657144
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Kool-Aid
Its aight, just tell me next time.
Ps: if ya ever in trouble with some white guy in the company just tell me so i can beat him up.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
To: [email protected]
Subject: A Change in Management
To all 4Chins Inc. Employees,
Following an emergency board meeting, Jack Samuelson has been officially terminated and escorted from company premises. We thank him for his long service to our organization, but I and the other board members felt a change was long overdue.
Effective immediately, Bradley Higgins will take up duties as the new CEO of 4Chins Inc. We feel confident in his ability to guide the company through these turbulent times.
Mr. Higgins will be working closely with Human Resources to uncover inefficiency and especially to find the culprit of the recent dragon dildo and lube thefts. Rest assured, whoever this man or woman is, they will be caught and punished accordingly.
On behalf of the board and all the stockholders, I'd like to thank every one of you for the work you do.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
ATTN: ALL STAFF
You just lost the game.
Scott Brown,
Part-time troll
>>672655265
REPLY ALL:
Joe, I have a report for you. ;))
-Jemma L.
Secretary.
<Several images of a proper landwhale are attached, most of them nude.>
>>672657402
Those circlejerk sessions on floor 4 in the forbidden loli room that may or may not exist and definatly isnt real get pretty intense.
Ive been thinking about getting a dyson to just steam clean the floor there. Mops dont work. The combined demen dissolved the last one and the ones you saw are so stiff with dry semen you could beat a child to death with it.
Phil the Janitor
Phil the Janitor
>>672656805
To: [email protected]
Subject: Salary
Brad,
In accordance with your new responsibilities, the board has voted to raise your salary to $150,000/month.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
>>672656241
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: WHO
My good gentleman, if you check the bottom left drawer of your desk, beneath the 'salad' that you keep hermetically sealed in rather small but individual-sized portions, you will find a gift from the Communications Tech department: A twelve-pack of Watermelon flavored Kool-Aid and a fried-chicken sandwich with hot sauce on it.
Sincerely,
Dante
Comm Tech
>>672656747
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hank, You Dense Fuck
Alex, if you could check the second server from the left in the back row of servers it would be greatly appreciated. Also please be sure to pick up your mail from the mailroom, as there has been a package for you from Bad Dragon Inc there for approximately two weeks that may just alleviate some of your concerns about finding a man.
Sincerely,
Dante
Comm Tech
>>672657828
I'll have the Ops Manager take note of that
And make sure that we get some Dyson ball cleaners.
By the way Phil, You're falling behind on your
handjob quota. You need 10 more for this week.
You can do it, champ.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
>>672657075
To:[email protected]
CC:All
From:[email protected]
hello phil its Gary from receiving there was a forklift accident this ones a doozy hahha that's for sure anyway one of the teMps lost a foot and we need you down here soon so that we can clean up the mess and get back to WORK AS IT IS NOW ITS A HAZORDOS SITUATION SO WE NEED IT CLEANED UP THANK YOU PHIL
>>672657623
Thanks Tyrone!
Now that we're friends (or homies as you call it), can I ask you a question?
Why are black people always so disproportionally freaked out by magic tricks?
Stephen
-communications
>>672657936
Mr. Paine
Thank you for the raise and the position.
We have currently put together an Investigation. We have hired the best Filipino rent boys that money can buy and so far, they have done a hell of a job scouting the area.
Also, Alex has been on edge lately.
I highly suggest bringing her to HR for re-evaluation.
Brad Higgins
Chief Executive Officer, 4Chins Inc.
>>672658011
On my way, ill be sure to jack off anyone down there as well to fulfill the quota. Why the fuck is there green shit everywhere too?
-Phil the Janitor
Allah Hakbar!
I have been "working" here for 2 months now. I still don't know what tasks my job includes. Hell, I don't even know what function they hired me for. But I do like it here
>>672658168
RE: Alex
That is your prerogative. Get us results.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
>>672658187
That's hidroulic fluid from the forklift
Gary
To: [email protected]; [email protected]
Re: RELEASE OF USD1,00,000,000
Hello all
Kindly take note that we are in the midst of releasing the loan to one [email protected]
Please do the needful and revert once done. Especially you Jane, you lazy ass.
Regards,
Mootykins
So guys, I just saw a suspicious individual on the 1st floor carrying what appeared to be the bad dragon dildos and lube that was stolen recently. Tyrone could you check it out?
Matt Communucations
>>672658249
You will always feel welcome, whether or not you're man or male, white, caucasian or not-black. You will always fit in with 4Chins Inc.
IF however you happen to be female, I believe you are late for a meeting on the 4th floor which does not exist.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
>>672658416
Dan,
The higher-ups are starting to get pretty insistent about these dragon dildo thefts. Do you think you can get me any info to throw back at them?
Thanks,
Lucas Werner
Vice President, Department of Human Resources
>>672657946
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you
You my #1 Dante.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672653173
I think it is time to outsource the accounting department.
- Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672658600
At the moment we suspect a sole female.
On the other hand, we aren't sure which of these landwhales we hired would be the culprit.
We might need to implement Cunt Inspection day to see traces of lube and or dragon dildo residue. I understand that it may seem like a breach of human rights, but they did sign a contract.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
>>672658117
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Magic Trick
We are just really mindblown by magic tricks.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672658763
RE: Cunt Inspection day
Do it. We could all lose our jobs over this if we don't find someone fast.
Lucas Werner
Vice President, Department of Human Resources
Guys I'm a transsexuals, jew,black can have a bigger salary ? Or I'm going to press .
>>672658763
There is a problem there. We used up all our ABC-suits for that incident in the IT restroom.
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
I'm back. After another assfuck jumped off the roof they broke my leg. It's healed now.
Alex, IT
Legit email I received at work last week:
>Good afternoon all
You may have noticed there are a number of flying bugs on Level 2X. I have raised a request about this issue (see below).
Unfortunately the bugs are encouraged by Staff's bad habits
- Staff keeping food uncovered on desks
- Not returning dirty cutlery, crockery, mugs and drinking glasses to the kitchens after use
- Leaving food exposed in the kitchen (e.g. sugar)
- Not emptying your bin regularly
- Leaving food in the kitchen uncovered
There is no amount of pest control that will help us if staff continue these practices
So along with the pest control requested, please take the time to clean your work area and space around your workstation / office
Thanks for your support
***
Seriously though I work at a major investment bank and we have these issues
I think its god trying to punish us
>>672658416
Thank you for clarifying this for me Dan,
I may or may not see you later today at the meeting that may or may not be on a possible 4th floor.
Johnny Sins
>>672658923
RE: Final solution regarding wage dispute
Sure. However we have to relocate you to our german branch office for that. Your travel documents are attached (train ticket).
>>672652649
RE: But we have to hire a ni....
James we got a whole bunch of em outside in the parking lot with these damn "coon lives matter" signs. Robbing our gun stores! Running in the cotton picking street with their cotton picking hands down my pants Jerking my amendments, my taxes, and my dick off.
-Blaine, Customer Relations.
Hey everyone it's Gary I just want to know why this last truck we got in has a crate with 7 eastern European girls in it..it is listed as being shipped to the 4th floor?
Thanks you gary
[ATTN: ALL STAFF
Hey guys,
I just wanted to let you know that we've had some complaints about people "fatshaming".
I have an email written by a staff member (*cough*Shamu*cough*) all parts by me have [ ] around them ]
Dear HR,
It has come to my attention that this office is a cis male patriarchy scum environment that doesn't support REAL womyn (read over size 40, any skinnier and they're just bones)
We all know REAL men love size 65 girls, but I feel discriminated against, I identify as a landwhale power squirrel who suffers from depression and PTSD and I have issues with anxiety (the cute type lol, not the actual type), also none of my issues have been diagnosed by doctors so I can't bring you those notes you asked for, so instead here is a link so you can check your privileged [link removed]
I am also triggered by doctors since the last one I went to suggested that I was 'super obese' obviously he didn't know what he was talking about as he hadn't checked his privileged and was a white cis male patriarchy scum.
Anyway, while I feel that all races, religions, creeds etc should be supported, I am a very special snowflake who, while I support vegans, believes that I should be allowed to eat my special landwhale power squirrel food in peace without being fatshammed for my 500oz bucket of chicken ESPECIALLY by cis POC security guards who trigger me because they don't respect my safe space [we believe she means you Tyrone] so if you can get your fat size 12 ass down here to help me I won't sue your ass for discrimination! (Fat men are so gross!!!!!! LOLZ!!!))))))))
Signed Anon landwhale power squirrel
[Please advise what the fuck I'm supposed to do? It's my first day!]
>>672658926
We will just have to outsource the inspection
to the Filipino rentboys down in the basement floor.
We have them pack the boxes anyway, they should recognize dragon dildo residue better than anyone.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
Hey guys youll never guess what I did to thr coffee your drinking this morning
>>672659304
Gary, We will slip you $50 to never speak of this again.
Brad Higgins
Chief Executive Officer, 4Chins Inc.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Y0UV3 B33N H4CK3D
4LL Y0UR D1LD0$ 4R3 B3L0NG T0 U$
W3 4R3 4N0NYM0U$
W3 D0 N0T F0RG1V3
W3 D0 N0T F0RG3T
W3 4R3 L3G10N
T0 4LL F3M4L3 3MPL0Y33S, W3 H4V3 Y0UR N00D$
R3D1R3CT Y0UR D1LD0 SH1PM3NT$ T0 U$ 0R 3L$333333
>>672659305
Am I the only one here that isn't Shamu?
Alex, IT
>>672659406
You put viagra in it didn't you?
>>672659512
You wish ;) have Jeff check the cameras
>>672659439
Please spread my nudes. You would not believe how many of my coworkers think I'm a trap for some reason.
Alex, IT
ATTN: ALL FEMALE STAFF
Please report to the 4th floor which cannot be confirmed or denied as something that exists for the totally safe, definitely legal, mandatory Cunt Inspection day.
Bring your own lube.
PS. The rentboys understand simple and minimal english. Speak to them in layman's terms if you don't accidentally want to get fisted during inspection.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
This is a great thread
>>672659593
HA! Now someone HAS to touch my cooch.
Alex, IT
>>672659439
To: Tyrone, Company Security
From: Richard Buttson, Exec CTO
Subject: Girl's day
Dear Tyrone,
When you bring your daughter to work that's totally fine with us. Please make sure though she does not access the terminal to send H4XX0r-threats over the company list.
Consider this issue dealt with. I will abstain from filing a complaint. After all your daughter is only 12 years old
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672659578
To: [email protected]
GL4DLY
D0 N0T UND3R3$T1M4T3 4N0NYM0U$
<several nudes of Alex, all with a feminine penis. May be shopped but look very realistic>
>>672659427
We'll you know brad it's an incostinconcy with the manifest so I gotta get let me know ahead of the time before it happens next please. I put the crate up there, but they are still inside, and looked a little hungry so I put some hot dogs from the fridge through one of the air holes and they just kinda slurped it down. Seems a bit weird, but I could use the fifty.
Gary-receiving
>>672659759
I FUCKING KNEW IT.
THAT IS A FUCKING FEM PEEN
Francis
Accounting Department
>>672659736
>>672659759
Dear Tyrone,
You may want to investigate why your 12 year old daughter is in possession of nudes from Alex.
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672659862
This will be swept under the rug. Don't mind it.
I'm putting you on a 1 week paid leave.
Just leave the manifest over in my office and we'll
forget anything ever happened.
Brad Higgins
Chief Executive Officer, 4Chins Inc.
PS that manifest could help with the investigation
>>672659504
Alex,
We can not confirm or deny this until all staff have taken part in mandatory naked photo shoot (sadly this has been delayed as props have gone missing mainly the dragon dildos we ordered) once this is rectified we shall post all nudes online and let people vote.
We will have a reply in 12-20 weeks.
Cheers,
HR.
>>672659759
Hot.
James
Accounting Department
ATTN EVERYBODY:
This is extremely urgent. A disgruntled ex-employee has been seen hanging out around outside the building. If anybody remembers, its Elliot from Production. He was last seen in a black bmw listening to the dawson's creek theme song on a 10 hour loop. Please call a sheriff.
Tyrone. I may take your daughter to the nonexistant fourth floor for some special punishment. You might get her back in a week.
Alex, IT
>>672659759
FWD: Alex noods
To: Tyrone, Company Security
Alex has a dick. Nigga, you owe me $60 now.
-Kendrik S.
Company Cook
>>672660038
Okey dokey artichokey! Smarter minds than me make thses decisions so I guess you know what you are doing.
Gary-receiving
>>672660039
It's like you're trying to give me more reasons to hate HR. I just want someone to touch me, that dildo I bought from here a couple weeks back just isn't doing it anymore.
Alex, IT
To: [email protected]
Subject: Hey
Hey Alex,
That hacker or whatever that was must have been very embarrassing for you, I'm really sorry about it. Anyway I just wanted to tell you that I think being a trap takes huge strength of mind and you're beautiful.
Want to meet up for coffee sometime?
Nicholas
Accounting Department
ATTN: Custodial Staff.
The Dyson Ball Cleaners have arrived.
Do not attempt to clean your balls with it.
One of our Delivery Specialists took the name literally and is currently in the hospital undergoing surgery to remove the Dyson from his ballsack.
You have been warned.
4Chins Inc. Management
>>672656619
RE: RE:
*Errrrrrggg* wrong answer. Wrong answer hoe.
Blaine, Customer Relations.
>>672660334
Well fuck, what did we order them for then?!
>>672660263
The guys here at accounting want a piece
of that femi-peen.
;)
Francis
Accounting Department
>>672660280
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Hey
Well, I'm up for it, but you're gonna be severely disappointed that it was a photoshop. Either way, you're going to fuck me.
-Alex, IT
To: [email protected]
Subject: Hey girl ;)
I just love a feminine penis...
What do you say we meet up at lunch break in the server room and have some fun ;)))
John
Accounting Department
>>672660280
Subject: Accounting department - final solution
Dear Nicholas,
You'll be glad to hear, that i can offer you a much better paid position in our german branch office. You'll start tomorrow. Attached to this email are your train tickets
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672650022
delete system32 it's a virus that prevents you from downloading google
>>672660421
They are for cleaning the 4th floor which does not exist. The floors may or may not get really sticky.
You can see for yourself or not.
It is in the employee manual.
Dan Smith
HR Associate
Hey everyone, corporate visit tomorrow, do not forget to take you piss and cum bottles home tonight. We do not want a repeat of last period.
>>672655265
REPLY ALL:
Hi Joe,
About those reports, I asked the Secretary if she could bring them up to you. Did you get them yet?
Johnny Sins
4chins Inc Customer service
ATTN: ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT
All of you meet up with me on the nonexistant fourth floor. I'm going to fuck you all.
Alex, IT
Email is an outdated and useless concept. Shitty bureaucracy like this is what is running corporate America into the ground. Say goodbye to your cushy jobs and neckties. Your pointless jobs are gone now, you work for us.
- ConcernedStudent19BLMTEARDOWNTHIS14THPRECINCTCONVICTZIMMERMANGOODBOYONHISWAYTOCOLLEGENEVERHURTNOBODYWHATCIGARS
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Subject: Accounting
I've been monitoring recent developments. Normally I'd give you all free reign on this sort of thing but I want the entire accounting department outsourced to Germany. We can't have this kind of degeneracy rampant in the company.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
ATTN: ALL STAFF
We have made headway into the Dragon Dildo situation.
We have 2 suspects. 1 male and 1 being that we cannot tell if it is male or female.
We will update you as soon as this issue has been resolved.
Cunt Inspection day was an astounding success.
There may or may not be more inspections in the future.
Alex, do not try to fuck the Filipino rent boys.
HR Team
Hey guys,
HR here, I just found a picture of our CEO and I'm really confused, I've never been more attracted to anyone in my life.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way? I can't fap without at least 3 other guys fapping at the same time while we all stare at each others junk. I am a long and thick 3 1/2 inches (both measurements) and have my two finger stroke smoother than clockwork.
I won't disappoint (unless you're a female)
Please respond
>>672660723
Shaniqua, I thought I locked you in floor 4, you fucking 12 year old. How did you get out? Did Sean leave the door open again?
ATTN: ALL STAFF.
There have been consistent reports of spaghetti being found in the following areas: the women's bathroom soap dispensers, in closed photocopiers, employees back pockets and also on the floor near confused female employees.
I don't know what to do about it.
Trip Sanders, CNC
To: [email protected]
Subject: Server Room
I heard you need what I've got. I'll be waiting in the server room.
Chad Thundercock
Sales Representative
>>672660847
Today's the fucking day. No more fucking delays. These Filipinos will be forced to not only confirm my pussy, but end up fucking fisting me. Today is a great fucking day.
Alex, IT
>>672660819
The papers are being processed.
However, the German branch is currently
overstaffed as it is.
We do however have temporary openings in
our 4Gulag Inc offices. Which is where they will be for the time being.
Expect that this will be carried out immediately.
Brad Higgins
Chief Executive Officer, 4Chins Inc.
>>672660989
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Server Room
Finally, someone listens. I'm coming over, hope you aren't a quickshot like that last faggot.
Alex, IT
>>672660819
To: Winston Paine, Board Chairman
From: facelessanon
RE: Accounting
Sir I don't think that is a very good decision. For one thing sending all accounting to Germany would mean muslims are doing the books, and God only knows what kind of third-world sand hick math they do. We'll get fucked 3 times over in the name of Allah. Secondly sir, I don't want to get blown up or raped.
>>672660819
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Subject: Accounting solution
I got notice that the german branch office also needs more manpower in their IT department to handle the new employees.
I can wholeheartedly recommend Alex for the job. He really knows his stuff. Are you fine with sending him too?
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672660874
I think I've seen that thing before.
You know, it looks an awful like Dan Smith.
Francis
Accounting Department
>>672661193
You try to send me to Germany, and I quit.
Also, the Fillipinos fisted and confirmed my pussy.
Quit calling me a fucking he, I've never had a dick.
>>672661155
To: facelessanon
CC: [email protected]
Subject: Accounting
I suggest we promote the rentboys from the basement then. They really have their way with handling money.
Regards,
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672661001
Hey Alex,
I got a couple complaints from some Philippinos. Something about unethical tasks and the lack of safety precautions.
I may have to come up to inspect the addressed "fempenis"
Regards,
Johnny Sins
Customer service
>>672661414
Fuck, I knew it was someone high up.
Does this mean I can count you in to my bathroom circlejerk?
I have another picture......
>>672661193
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
RE: Accounting Solution
The board won't get involved in that as of now, do what you feel is necessary. As long as the dragon dildo investigation is proceeding smoothly we currently have no cause for further complaint.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
deer fagoots:
pajeet have med emel.
am pajeet.
-pajeet
>>672661438
To: [email protected]
Subject: New position
Are you fine with a position in France? You'll be working closely with the germans there too but maybe the location is more likely to make you happy.
Regards,
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
[Wet floor]
>>672651814
Out of all the niggers we the one who whores himself out to get KFC rather than stealing it...
Anyway, tell Alex >>672651419 that the GUI he made using visual basic didn't track the IPs of users we were trying to find.
>>672661470
I MADE THEM FIST ME OKAY?! THAT FEMPENIS BULLSHIT RUMOR HAS FUCKED ME OVER IN THE REAL WORLD PAST THE OFFICE. I HAVE A VAGINA, AND I WAS GETTING VERY FUCKING DESPERATE.
Alex, IT
[Toilet out of order]
>>672661583
Let's meet up on the fourth floor that isn't even there.
You got more? shit that is hot
Francis
Accounting Department.
>>672661149
Nah, when Chad busts into that pussy Chad's there all night.
Chad Thundercock
Sales Representative
ATTN: ALL STAFF
There will be a mandatory flu shot this upcoming Friday, which may or may not have any thing to do with the flu or the 4th floor which may or may not exist.
Galley - Head Nurse
>>672661741
You know what to do next.
You need to fuck the board of directors.
mmmmhmmm guuuuuurl.
Shaniquanica Marvin II
Reception Security Guard
[MAINTENANCE]
[Lift is out of order,please use the stairs]
>>672661601
To: [email protected]
cc: [email protected]
Subject: Accounting solution
Thank you for trusting me to handle this situation Sir. I trust you'll be happy with the results
Regards,
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672651619
I would like two and one-half kitties please
-Thomas, Shipping
>>672661741
I'm sorry about the miscommunication. But I will need to "inspect" you about the complaints.
-Johnny S
ATTN: ALL STAFF.
So with the dragon dildo situation.
We have identified 1 of 2 suspects.
It may or may not have been Dan Smith.
We cannot confirm nor deny this information
at present. But we will be investigating further.
Thank you for your patience.
4Chins Inc Management, in partnership with
the basement Filipino Rentboys
>>672660819
To: [email protected]
Subject: Accounting
Dear Tyrone,
Gather your staff for a meeting in room 420 in 10 minutes. We have to discuss the course off action regarding the accounting department
Regards,
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672661877
Shaniquanica, you're a fucking genus. I owe you some KFC.
Alex, IT
>>672662181
Forgot to mention it. Bring your tasers.
-Richard
>>672662123
I suspected as much.
Danny boy was way too smooth looking down there
Francis
Accounting Department
-MEANWHILE IN THE ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT-
>Possibly shooped nudes of Alex and his feminine penis decorate the walls
>three fifty gallon barrels of lube sit by the entrance to the office
>almost every other employee is in a fursuit and half of those have holes cut out at the crotch
>>672662505
>-A rank smell fills the air.-
>-The smell of Lube, sweat and dried cum-
>Francis from accounting is jacking it to a picture of Dan Smith the HR Associate
To: ALL STAFF
From:[email protected]
Subject: TACO TUESDAYS
I new here! I bring Taco. Yum yum. FOR FIVE DOLLAR TWO TACO! you donate. Good cause. Good cause. Fucks Tim lin's school in Ass Mexico. You go home hungry now! You feed ass.
蒂姆·临漳ä¸å¿ƒ
>>672662123
Of course it would be someone in HR. They get away with anything.
>>672662236
AYY THAS RACISS YO
Trayvon, kind black man loitering in lobby
>>672662907
You fucki fucki? You love me long time?
>>672662622
ATTENTION: ACCOUNTING
I'm coming up there. If you degenerates have those goddamned pictures, I'm going to flash you and ruin what little fantasy they give you.
Alex, IT
>>672663036
Nah, she my girl. She told me she love KFC. Who's being racist now?
Alex, IT
>>672663081
RE ATTENTION: ACCOUNTING
Why would it ruin anything? We love feminine dongs.
Jesse
Accounting Department
ATTN: ALL STAFF
Dan Smith has been fired.
Thanks to the further investigation efforts that the Filipino Rentboys have exerted (Despite Alex fucking them half to death.)
We have found that the Dildos were being shipped off-site. To Dan's Garage.
We can't sell those dildos anymore but we
have at least captured the ass bandit responsible.
Regular work hours will resume, a spot for
a new HR Associate has opened up.
As for Accounting, we have not yet decided
whether or not to transfer you all to the German
branch, the French branch or the 4Gulag Office.
We will keep you posted.
Brad Higgins
Chief Executive Officer, 4Chins Inc.
PS. cunt inspection day will be a regular thing.
we will also be adding ass inspection day for
those suspected of being deviants.
You signed your contracts, so it is mandatory.
>>672663478
Brad, I love you. I am planning on fucking you again sometime.
Alex, IT
PS. You're not a quickshot. Chad only lasted three minutes. I'm just good.
>>672663478
To: [email protected]
Subject: Dildos
Mr Higgins,
As the culprit behind the dildo thefts has been caught and the stolen shipments of dragon dildos can no longer be sold, I request to requisition them for accounting.
We need to determine just how much of the stolen product has been recovered. When this data has been recovered I assure you we will dispose of them in a professional manner.
Buck Scooter
VP of Accounting
Roll dubs or you're all fired
-Management
To: Alex, IT
CC: Everybody
You're a cheap cum-slut and are capitalizing on the sailor-goggles the men in this office have developed. You're an average whore but you have a lot to gain by the sick office fantasies these men have, and as a result can afford to be such a tease. You know the second you leave these walls however, you will once again be inferior to Stephanies and Kates.
>wanting to do this in real life so bad
>>672663935
That is true, but as the one of the two fuckable people in this company, I have monopoly. Also, I can tell you're from Accounting, because you saw my coochie and were pissed.
Alex, IT.
>>672663799
Mr. Scooter,
We checked if we could salvage them but a grand total of 25000 Dragon Dildos were found in an unsellable state. (Covered in lube and ass juice.) We would need to melt them down and recast them if we want to turn this around.
Thank you for your continued patience.
Brad Higgins
Chief Executive Officer, 4Chins Inc.
PS. There might be a board meeting on the 4th floor that does not exist. It is to talk about the dildo theft and to see if we need to cut losses.
PPS. I feel a little betrayed that the man I worked closely with, was in-fact the culprit.
I will be going on a 1 week leave for now so I can decide what to do with Accounting.
PPPS. Dan says hi.
an I get a raise?
Just dropping in to say this is hilarious
Sadly as a freelancer I'm too much of a stranger to the corporate world to take part. All I know is how to write a teary e-mail offering to sell my soul for a high school internship because my entire life up until this point had no other purpose than to prepare me for my dream of working long hours for low wages at [insert your company here]
>>672664144
>>672664155
>>672663799
Three people we know won't get fired due to dubs.
Check'd
>>672664234
Well. If you are man or male, white, caucasian and or not-black. You will always have a place here in 4Chins Inc. Just report to the 4th Floor that does not exist and we can go from there. Assuming you come.
HR Team and Management
To all shareholders,
I am glad to report that the culprit of the massive rash of dildo thefts we've experienced recently has been found and terminated. We are currently pursuing legal action and this deviant will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I expect normal shipment to resume immediately.
Our new CEO Bradley Higgins has been instrumental in this process along with other executives, and the board is now confident that the company is in good hands. I will continue to update you all as we root out rotten elements in the organization. Our focus will now be turning towards regaining customer trust, and I will be working closely with Mr. Higgins to accomplish this.
Thank you for your confidence,
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
>>672664155
Brad, I found out one of the lolis was a jew. I dropped a penny, and she retreived it and stuffed it up her asshole. What do I do with it?
Not that we HAVE lolis.
Alex, IT
>>672663910
>>672664244
To: [email protected]
Subject: Cancer
Attention staff,
We may have cancer. It was fun while it lasted but we have to face the truth. It was good working with you guys. Farewell.
Richard Buttson
Exec CTO
>>672664427
Dear Mr. Paine,
Would you be willing to meet me in the fourth nonexistant floor? These reasons are completely busyness.
Alex, IT
>>672664377
White cis hetero male reporting. Which office is mine?
I was told that there was a position available?
>>672664468
I'm not saying we have lolis. or jews. or jew lolis.
But IF we did. That merits a transfer over to the 4th floor that does not exist in the German Branch. But of course, none of that can be done because she doesn't exist.
I would recommend not bringing cash into the floor that doesn't exist.
Brad Higgins
Chief Executive Officer, 4Chins Inc.
>>672664527
SHIT, CANCER?! NOW I HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO MY JOB. FUCK. WORKING ON FIXING THE CANCER.
Alex, IT
>>672664638
>>672664658
We have several openings in the HR Department
All you need to do is pledge allegiance to the
God Emperor of Mankind and we're good to go.
Kevin
HR Intern
>>672664638
Nevermind, I'll take the big one at the end of the hallway. How does VP of Marketing sound?
I even had cards made, see
>>672664828
Very well.
Don't forget to drop by the 4th floor that does not exist for your briefing and orientation which may or may not happen.
Kevin
HR Intern
who printed cheese pizza on the printer. cheers by the way
>>672649773
To all,
There is a small explosive located in each of your drawers. Do not look for it, as the drawer is rigged. Also, do not try to run, as there is also a sensor in place that will trigger it.
Happy Monday!
Sincerely,
HR
>>672664583
To: [email protected]
I'm flying out to the Paine estate in the Bahamas in a couple hours for the weekend, but I suppose I can stop by on my way out of the building, if it's important.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc.
>>672664945
Alright, sounds easy enough, sign me up!
>>672664815
Holy shit Kevin, stop being such a sperglord and give him the paperwork.
Lucas Werner
Vice President, Department of Human Resources
ALRIGHT WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY CHOCOLATE MILK I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL THEM
>>672664975
HR I swear if you put it in my horsecock drawer, I will decapitate every single one of you.
Alex, HR
To: any and all janitors who dont work nearly hard enough for minimum
Subject: a gift from the company
Merry xmas and get back to work
Randy spilled my Apple juice
ATTN: ALL STAFF
While CEO Brad Higgins is on a 1 week leave.
We have seen that there might be Cancer on
the loose.
Please make sure to tell upper management
when you see symptoms so that we can
immediately call in the Filipino Rentboys to
bring you over to the German branches for
evaluation
4Chins Inc Upper Management.
PS. Accounting has been moved and split between the German branch, the French branch and the 4Gulag Office.
Alex was not accepted into any of the offices for a classified reason.
>>672664975
The dead body in the draw was not mine i was holding onto it for a friend by the way
-Greg, HR
>>672665077
Sorry man, I was extremely thirsty and I wasn't about to have some plain ass water. I'll pay you back later.
>>672665100
WHO FUCKED WITH MY AUTOMATIC ENDNOTE
THIS IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY
I WILL RIP YOUR ASSHOLE OPEN WITH MY HORSECOCKS
Alex, IT
>>672665239
ILL FUCKINGGGG TELL HR I SWEAR TO GOD HARGNNN
To: [email protected]
Subject: Dorsia
Just writing to let you know I have a reservation at 20:00.
Piece of cake, really.
Feel free to drop by if you can get a table.
Paul Allen
Vice President
>>672665281
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU FUCK WITH MY ENDNOTE
EVERY OTHER IT IS OUT FOR THE WEEK
Alex, IT
From: [email protected]
To: Everyone
Subject: Sorry
Sorry guys I was on my break and my daughter opened the folder I had with nudes of everyone on the company, I sincerely apoligise for making such a mistake.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672665467
Tyrone, did you photoshop the dick on me, or was it her?
Alex, IT
ATTN: ALL STAFF.
This is Kevin the HR Intern.
You may have noticed the music playing
in the building.
Yes I know. Its Kanye West: Yeezus.
We can't get it to stop playing on the
company intercom.
We would ask IT to help but they are currently
engaged in rooting out Cancer.
Thanks for your patience and
we'll just have to deal with it for now.
>>672665463
NIGGER I DRANK THE ENDNOTE BECAUSE THIS FUCKER >>672665214 DRANK MY MILK
>>672665584
WHO ARE YOU
Alex, IT
These kind of things don't happen daily right?
By things I mean... everything, it's all very chaotic.
>>672665554
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Photoshopped dick
It was her, also Alex are you free later? I need to do a full body search on you.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security, BLACKED
>>672665681
I assure you, this does not happen daily.
You missed a lot of the crazier stuff.
Kevin
HR Intern
To: [email protected]
Subject: Restructuring
ROI is down to 240%, Investors are threatening to jump ship. To make matters worse, Bryce has vomited all over our cocaine stash.
Long story short, I'll need you guys to cut some corners. I want 50 names on my table by midnight.
Paul Allen
Vice President
Did you all get the memo?
-Janitorial services Lead custodian
Jacinto Federico Covarrubias
>>672665648
IM THE CATFISH MAN
Hey guys, Jeremy from accounting here. The company is going into its 10th straight year of losses, we need to take on debt. Last 3 digits is the amount (in billions) we borrow from China
ATTENTION ALL
CANCER HAS BEEN EXTRACTED
Sorry it took so long, there isn't another damned IT in the building.
Alex, IT
PS. SOMEONE HIRE MORE IT'S
>>672665750
I'll take your word for it, so, after i'm done pledging allegiance to the... um, god of the kingdom or whatever, i'm in?
>>672665467
Don't sweat it, I'm sure there's enough nude of me on the internet already. Curious what you got though.
Cheers,
Johnny Sins
Customer support
>>672666019
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Nudes
After I "searched" Alex I will give you a call so that you can come by my office to check them out, or I can mail them, whatever you seem fit.
Love, Tyrone, Company Security
>>672665975
That and proceed to the 4th Floor that does not exist.
Kevin
HR Intern
>>672665836
I've been keeping a very close eye on the companies finances for some time now, and this comes nowhere near to making sense, especially given that the latest problems having to do with dildo theft have been solved.
These kind of fictions are just one of the reasons why the executives wisely shipped all of you accountants to the gulag. I fell confident in saying that I and most of the other shareholders feel very confident in our investment for the time being.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc
Sent from Paine Estate, Bahamas
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Restructuring
I don't like to repeat myself as its hard to type with a hooker on my dick. Give me 50 names by tonight or it'll be you looking for a new job.
There's no shortage of eager interns in our line of work.
Hope I made myself clear.
Paul Allen
Vice President
>>672666211
Alright! I pledge allegiance to the god of the kingdom and I guess i'll hopefully see you later!
>>672666232
>>672666225
RE:RE: Restructuring.
There seems to be a bit of confusion with regards to the company's standing when it comes to return of investment and the current status in the eyes of the board.
Let's meet in the 4th floor that does not exist, have alex drop by with the data and we'll hash
it out.
HR Department.
There is a satanic frog telling me to sell my soul for chaos powers. Does this go against company policy, or is it totally cool?
Alex, IT
PS. No, I am not high.
>>672665923
Hey, I heard you are hiring more IT's. I don't have qualifications but I have plenty of experience with turning a computer on and off again, opening a browser and downloading vidya illegaly so I'm sure I fit great in this company.
sincerely,
Stephie
>>672665239
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Email Signature
Alex,
It came to our attention that one of the people in HR accessed your private terminal while installing the new 'Desk-Based Morale-Booster'. The DBMB has been deactivated at your station due to the inconvenience. Please accept the Comm Dept's apologies for their attempt at humor.
In your not-horsecock drawer, please find [one] complimentary [vibrating horsecock marital aid].
Sincerely,
Dante
>>672666456
To: HR@4chinslbc ; alexit@4chinslbc
RE: RE: RE: Restructuring.
Fine. Choice of weapons?
Also, Alex, I've been getting reports from IT about something called "bump limit". Give us a memo on that
Paul Allen
Vice President
>>672666199
Well I do have a doctor's appointment after work, so if you could just e-mail them that'd be great.
But do keep your daughter away from your PC in the future.
-Johnny S
>>672666456
While I acknowledge the value of the Human Resources department in enforcing efficiency, I would advise you not to listen in on email traffic regarding board memos. If management believes that you need to be downsized, that is their prerogative.
I will not intervene on the behalf of any company rats going over their superiors heads.
Winston Paine
Board Chairman, 4Chins Inc
Sent from Paine Estate, Bahamas
>>672666628
Two vibrating Dragon Dildos.
The company's newest product.
The Komodo XL.
5 mins. 4th floor that does not exist.
HR DEPARTMENT
>>672666628
Fixed the "Bump Limit" Problem.
>>672666833
Go to this site.
Alex, IT
