I've met a few girls on tinder, last thread died before
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
I've met a few girls on tinder, last thread died before I could green text my experiences.
>matched girl who looks 5/10
>on at me to meet up for drinks
>meet her at train station and walk right past her
>5/10 actually 9/10 irl
>spaghetti.jpg
>go to bar and drink until nerves die down
>go back to hers
>pull out beast
>worst sex ever leads to her breaking down in tears
>turns out she's not long broke up with her ex and was forcing herself to get out and meet new people to help get over him
>tells me she doesn't mind me finishing myself off
>mfw when I'm fapping in complete silence with a sobbing heartbroken girl next to me
>aimed it at her last second and got in the hair
>thatsforwastingmytimebitch.exe
>anon I think you should leave now
she unmatched me before I got to the end of the road
>>690584466
2
>match a legitimate 9.5
>that's it guys I'm in love if she's not a bot
>she's not a bot
>talk intensely for 4 hours or so and she invited me to hers
>get there and this bitch has to be like 20 stone of flubber
>FML
>you don't look much like your pics
>hesaysmanningtheharpoons.exe
>I know anon I put on a bit of weight recently
>drank vodka till she was doable
>climbed on top of the beast avoiding the rhinoceros horn as to not lose an eye
>saw my reflection in the mirror
>I stopped immediately
>pulled out
>got dressed and left in such a hurry I didn't even take the rubber off
>could hear her crying through the door as I closed it
I felt dirty for days afterwards
>>690585178
Man, please share more.
>Be me
>have 300 dollar longboard
>meet girl
>girl randomly disappears from my life
>girl steals board
>girl lies about you and tries to spread rumors
>girl talks shit to your friends to turn them against you
>girl throws away board
>run karma.exe
>karma>settings>punishment settings
>"there is no god"
>dad dies
Mfw
interesting
>>690585178
3
>Match a 7/10 qt3.14
>seems really successful, owns a Benz and two properties, job in recruitment in city of London.
>tells me about not long getting her ex out her life
>herewegoagain.png
>go vague on her and we stop talking for a few days
>she calls me and I figured well she must at least be looking a fuck so we meet up
>turns out what she meant by getting her ex out of her life was she brought his share of the house and no longer had to deal with him
>I'm thinking this girl is ok actually
>we fuck and shit was cash
>she goes gym 7days a week and can go all night
>DD bewbs
>start seeing her and things are good
>bring her to meet my friends
>my bro asked if that was femanon that works in recruiting at this place?
>sure is bro
>turns out she broke up with her ex after stabbing him in a face with a champagne glass at a work conference and was put on tag.
>this bitch is crazy
>femanon did you stab your ex?
>her face drops and through gritted teeth she says
"he laughed at me, I won't have people laughing at me"
>there's me, a spec on the distance running away from dis mad bitch.
Got stood up once, never really went back.
>>690585178
I'll share mine
>Match a 6.5/10
>let's do this
>don't have anything to do after all
>go to her place
>More like a chubby 7/10
>We chat a lot, she makes me drink.
>Dat ass is fine
>"Hey anon do you want me to show you upstairs?"
>"upstairs" is like a 3m² mezzanine where she sleeps
>we end up kissing, I grab dat ass
>Holy shit it's divine
>boner.exe
>"sorry anon I'd prefer it if we don't have sex tonight, I'd like to wait a bit"
>areyoukiddingme.jpg
>we end up rubbing against each other, we do it for hours
>soredick.exe
>can't even sleep
>I look at my dick
>fuckin' hell it's red
>End up grabbing ice cubes wrap them in a bag and leave her place with my dick aching like I fapped using sandpaper.
>cry a bit
>Fuck her she made my dick red, I'm not returning her texts
>End up regretting it since I really wanted to fuck that ass and she was actualy interesting
>>690586278
What the flying fuck dude.
But well, Double D's m8
worth the risk.
>>690586463
when a girl says no it's not, sometimes she has a good reason to not fuck and you need to understand that
>>690586901
Yeah but she wasn't on her period, she wanted to wait because she didn't want to be juste a hookup
>>690586278
4
>match a hotter than hot Romanian girl
>talk a few days through broken English as she's fresh off the boat and still learning the lingo
>meet her in her town which is full of middle class fags
>in pub and this girl can't drink for shit
>tell her to not try and keep up with me cuz I'm a heavy drinker and this girl is like 5'1 and a size 6/8
>she one of these just cuz I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't keep up with you types
>she's drunk as fuck within an hour
>she goes from sweet foreign girl to madness in seconds
>loves me a girl that's a bit of handful I do
>guy spills his drink on her
>fucks knows what happened next but I'm fighting about 4 betas who watched football factory once and think they're hard as fuck
>police turn up
>we'reouttahere.jpg
>end up hiding in some bushes in a park
>she grabs my junk and immediately we start tearing each other's clothes off
>I'm smashing her doggy and she starts puking
>fuck this I'm out
>ran to train station covered in sticks and leaves
>left her to get dressed and find her own way home
>sat on the train and realised she pissed on my jeans
Doesn't matter, had sex
bamp for interest
>>690585842
her dad?
>>690587424
nicee
>>690587424
kek
>>690587424
Top Adolf
>>690584466
>Cum in her hair
>"I think you should leave anon"
>Unmatches me before I get to end of road
KEK you're a madman OP.
man all the girls I see on tinder are either ugly, feminists or turbosluts, where the fuck are the decent ones?
>>690584466
>mfw when I'm fapping in complete silence with a sobbing girl next to me
fix'd.
Been there, done that. First time was awkward, but with time I have asked if they could cry a bit louder.
Seems like all you anons are euro Fags. Still good stories. Continue
>>690587424
nice one m8
>days before smartphones
>over at friend's rented house in college town
>meet this girl through a friend
>7/10, tall, red hair, nice attitude
>she just broke up with her long-term b/f
>i smell blood in the water
>we get along really well
>both get wasted and take her to my friend's bed
>strip down to underwear
>grind her pussy for 30m and suck on her neck
>bitch's breath in my ear is 100% hormone and 100% wet
>finally tells me "oh god i cant i cant i cant"
>she gets up and puts on her clothes
>for the next week she texts me 3 times a day
>ignore her
>wonder if i had any reasonable chance that night or if it was forever doomed
>misogyny level + .05%
>>690585842
>Long board
Dude if I was her I'd have laid the board down a set of stairs and jumped in the middle of till it broke. She was probably a REAL skater and just wanted to show you that long boarders are worse they bmxers.
>Long board is the wrong board
>>690588324
Is this nigga serious?
bump, more
>>690584466
Fuck OP, I broke up with my girl friend a week ago. Went on tinder and decided to hook up with someone, 7/10 meets me. I spaghetti out and go home
Am I a fag?
>>690588067
Finding relationships the normal way
>>690588780
no just retarded.
>>690588833
how the hell do I do that when I don't have a job and don't leave the house?
>>690588835
Fuk
>>690588652
Yes I'm fucking srs you dumb nigger loving faggot. Long boards and the faggots who ride them are gay as fuck
>>690588898
you need to get a job. who pays for your expenses? god almighty. you can afford to be on 4chan but no job? wew lad
>>690588898
Try getting a job and leaving your mom's house then?
>>690587424
5
>matched me a blondie
>cute as balls, except all her pics are with her friends who are also blonde and cute as ball
>she told me which one she was when I drunk dialled her once but didn't wanna tell her I forgot
>met her in a bar with no signal so was waiting for 30 minutes of standing up every time a cute blonde girl walked passed
>eventually cute blondies there
>gives me a big kiss and a hug
>shits going well fam
>we have drinking so and go to a nightclub for dancing after
>we doing tha bump and grind on the dance floor
>diamonds.jpg
>she's grabbing me and talking dirty in my ear about never been with a well hung guy before
>we end up going back to hers
>she lives in a shared house so we go straight to her bedroom
>she puts on a dvd of fucking friends
>we can just cuddle if you don't mind anon?
>fuck me pink, I'm gonna have to muster all my game to crack this one tonight
>put the moves on and 30 minutes later and I'm savaging her
>she is loud
>I am loud
>she's talking dirty like a porn star and I'm meeting her halfway
>this girl is amazing
>we finish and share a cigarette together
>it's like 6am now, tell her I better head off and she says she'll call me when she gets up later
>call the cab and go to the front door to wait
>there's a guy mid 40's in the hallway
>mfw when I realised if wasn't a shared house
>not even remotely was it a shared house
>this guy was looking at me with dead eyes as he came to realise before him stood the scumbag who only moments earlier had defiled his daughter screaming at the top of his lungs take every fucking inch of it you slut.
>autism intensifies
>say alright mate
>leave before I'm murdered
>cab couldn't come quick enough
I never heard from blondie again
>>690588991
>afford to be on 4chan
Yeah 4chans membership fees are so expensive dude. 10 grand a year? I can barely afford this site my self.
>>690588324
Instead of doing little flips and and tricks for you and 10 photographers to jack off too and let's see how fast you can go down a mountain around hairpins
>>690588248
god shes a pussy
>>690588991
>>690589018
good point, I really should get on that, once job get how should I go about meeting girls that aren't shit?
>>690588934
People take skateboarding in general seriously still? I thought that was for middle school kids trying to be edgy and cool.
>>690589184
Way more adrenaline and danger than flipping your board a few times
>>690589102
lol
>>690589102
holy shit that mustve been scary
>>690589102
>this guy was looking at me with dead eyes as he came to realise before him stood the scumbag who only moments earlier had defiled his daughter screaming at the top of his lungs take every fucking inch of it you slut
Holy fuck I've been in a similar situation haha! Except the chick I fucked was definitely 16 and not old enough to legally drink at a bar.
>>690589102
sounds a bit scary, good on you having a good time though.
>>690589329
the secomd text was overkill
>>690589535
>>690589210
You'll probably meet some meat at your work. I hook up with hot chicks from my work all the time. That's a good start.
>>690589102
This you and blondie?
>>690589335
Let's see you ride that schlong board off a 20+ stairset while it's flipping. Anyone can ride a board down a hill faggot.
>>690589210
Get a job, get a car, get a hobby, and get some friends. Then you'll meet girls, I promise. Half the population is girls. If you socialize, you will meet them. I promise.
What I try to tell younger guys is this: become a person you would be proud to know and then people will want to be around you. High morals (doesn't mean be a white-knight or a doormat), skills, money, adventurous. Then you'll be a commodity in demand. The other way to get girls is to be a real piece of shit. A lot of them like that. But it's not good for your long-term development.
>>690589184
get a car faggot
>>690589657
alright thanks for the tip, I remember a while back there were these cute Vietnamese twins that I worked with that I probably could have gotten at least one of them, shame I had to quit because the shift manager was a complete cunt that kept complaining about me and making life difficult.
>>690589102
>mfw this is trainspotting ¬¬'
>>690589762
HA! nice reference
+1 Bill Carson & 10 internet points
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf4kvrUHR7E
>>690589102
>ALRIGHT MATE
>>690589137
It's about opportunity costs: all the time you spend on 4chan is time you aren't spending making money. So if you're broke and unemployed, you can't afford to spend time on 4chan
>>690590036
isnt Mitchel a guys name?
>>690589958
>shame I had to quit because the shift manager was a complete cunt that kept complaining about me and making life difficult
Dude all managers are cocks. You fell right into his plan and he played you. Smarten up anon.
>>690585842
serves you right for being a longboarding faggot
>>690590057
this makes sense, this shithole is a huge timesink.
>>690590153
You tell me big boy?
>>690589535
>>690589483
Oi Cunt, you from Perth aye?
>>690590269
No fkn shit
>>690590153
Of course, and that person in the picture has a penis.
>>690590162
her plan, I think the other reason I had to leave was I needed to get wisdom teeth out and was getting excruciating migraines from them.
>>690590360
go to sleep
>>690590377
>>690590263
I'm really not sure, I'm a bit worried now.
>>690590401
Meh, my managers at work are all cock suckers and I take zero percent of their shit. Fuck that. You gotta stick up for yourself man, not let anyone walk over you, especially if it's a "her".
>>690590522
"solid 3/10" what lol?
>>690590522
>solid 3/10
Yep
>>690585178
I fucking hope this is true KEK
>>690590615
I couldn't really do anything because my dad worked in administration and I didn't want anything to reflect poorly on him so I just kept working and trying not to garner any attention.
You're 100% right though.
>>690589795
Your wheels couldn't handle it neither could your bearings. One pebble and you'd go flying
>>690589855
I don't use my longboard for commuting, it's just a hobby
>>690587045
Well then don't be an impatient toddler and just wait! If she was rubbing on your dick the first date but wanted to wait then she was DEFINITELY gonna let you hit it next time. You're dumb.
>>690590615
I've never been a manager, but this goes both ways. I've worked with a lot of pieces of shit and had managers who never brought the hammer down. I hate picking up the slack for other people.
>>690590116
I've matched with a girl with a body like this a few days ago and fucked her 3 times yesterday. Today we're having another date. Nice m8, hit that shit up. Girls like this suck amazing dick
>>690589102
6
>match a girl who looked like shakira shakira but with epic big cans
>go on date and shit is awkward as fuck
>she texts me the next day explaining that her job makes it awkward to meet people and she's not been on a date since she split with her partner
>she a policewoman
>I tell her it's all good, let's have drinks instead of coffee next time
>Friday night and we alright
>drinking and dancing was had
>we go back to mine and finally I get to grips with those big fun bags
>she bursts into tears while I'm sucking on them bad boys
>WTF AGAIN?
>same thing as before she's just broken up with her partner way wah wah
>nigga I don't care just let me play with them big ol boobies ygm?
>she dries her eyes and said no more, I've cried enough over that scumbag I'm gonna start living for me
>rockymusic.jpg
>this girl is on a mission to fuck like no woman has done before
>I'm holding on for dear life while this absolute lioness is fucking for peace, justice and Liberty
>we both cum at the same time
>car alarms are ringing in the city night, while dogs are howling at the moon and people have come into the streets to see if anyone else has had their power go out too
>we lay in silence for a while and then she leaves in the morning
>3 days later all is not well with the penis of anon
>go down the clap clinic
>got me some antibiotics for clymidea
>doc explains I wouldn't have caught it off shakira as its too short a time for the symptoms to show
>I call her she wont answer
>I text her saying to call me as I been docs
>my phone goes and it's an unknown number
>it's shakira and she asks me what's wrong?
>I tell her I probably gave her something and she needs to get checked out
>turns out she got back with her ex
>turns out she'd already fucked her ex
>turns out her ex is senior police Sargent
>turns out her ex is a fucking woman and shakira shakira was bi all along
Take that Babylon
>>690590116
>>690591132
too fat for me, bruh. i like thick women, but this is just too much lard.
>>690584466
>my current profile bio
>>690584466
Man, i had almost the same story, except i didn't meet her on tinder. She was the sister of a friend, and her sister was having her bf at her place meaning they were gonna fuck so, i leave with her and we go to my place. She proposes we sleep together, and i feel like she means more than just sleeping.
horny.jpeg
We enter my place, i put on some sexy music, after a bit we land on my bed. 2 minutes and we start making out, she's touching my dick, it's getting hard and right then she starts to cry.
Blueballs.gif
Thought i was gonna get sucked by my friend's sister damn! But ok, i'm like "what's going on?" and same as you, "meh my ex my ex, sorry i can't do this"...We go to sleep, the mood is ruined, i can't even fap anymore.
Next morning, i wake up first, make coffee, try to make conversation, she doesn't want coffee, she's like staring at me as if she was thinking "how could i ever think of fucking you" but then, tells me "hey...it's ok, move on".
I'm thinking like "well you...move on first, bitch and stop staring"
more awkward silences. She leaves quickly after.
>>690591159
so where did you get the std
>>690591159
good shit mate
>>690591289
fetal alcohol syndrome?
>>690591210
But she a cute anon. Do it!
>>690591243
Got any good matches with that?
In mine it just says
>Funny and spontaneous. Everything else you need to find out for yourself
>>690591243
*tips*
>>690591486
her face looks cute ill give you that. i guess if i was drunk enough
>>690591289
What an absolute fucking hamface
1/10 made me reply
>>690590924
Yeah understandable, for me it's a bit different cause I'm skilled in a trade that's quite in demand here and they're struggling to find skilled people to work, so I can basically do what i want lol I love it.
>>690591116
Yeah, that's true. It goes both ways. I've been a manager and I stepped back, and just became a cutter again because the raise wasn't worth the responsibility and bullshit I had to put up with. I'm a butcher and have been for 12 years.
>>690591159
*lurking intensifies*
>>690591479
her eyes aren't far enough apart for that friend.
>>690591584
Yeah, just have a cocktail or some wine with her. Thick ones are always a cute and are great to talk to in general. (Also, most of them are starved of the D, so they're giving you a good time)
>>690591486
Yes.
I actually fucked a nigger
>>690591243
this is like, to attract misogynistic gay males from 4chan?
>>690591877
Is she saying that she farts a lot or that she literally works in the methane production industry?
>>690591243
Forgot to add around blacks never relax
>>690591954
>>690591954
you're the only one that sounds ashamed, from the tiny thumbnail she looked alright.
>>690591954
No way dude. With THAT bio-text?
Post convo please
>>690591954
i doubt she was /really/ a nigger. i work with real niggers in my job, and i dont think you would be able to stand them. you probably fucked a black girl.
>>690591738
i like how you say skilled workers are in demand. and all these lazy, dickless faggots who cant find a job and whine about it, because they refuse to put in the time to learn a trade that will make them desirable. good on you, friend.
>>690589749
And Baby Ruths
>be me on tinder
>meet girl that is a 7/10 spanish babe
>talk for a day decide to meet up
>we meet at a bar
>having a few drinks did a couple of shots
>she says she needs a ride home but we cant go to her place because to many people
>say its cool i can drop you off
>realize i need to act quick or not going to get pussy
>say we can go to my place
>she says no she has work early
>diversion engaged "lets get something to eat?"
>she says okay we order food and leave
>sobering up she reaches over while i drive and grabs dick
>diamonds.jpeg
>she says she likes when they are hard
>i say your mouth will help with that
> she starts sucking on the way home
>pass a light cop lights
>pokerface.jpeg
>cop comes by and she throws up
>cops smells liquor
>mfw i get handcuffed and she walks home
>never heard from her again :(
>>690592072
cringe, but you got me interested...
>>690592244
Dyrus?
>>690592212
Driving drunk is fucked, wasnt even drunk just over limited
10 grand later
>>690592244
i remember when these were the only kind of girls i could find. i spent a long time in the pussy desert because i couldnt even stand listening to them talk. thank god im out of that situation.
>>690584466
>be me
>similar story
>girl riding me
>starts crying about her ex
>still on my dick
>droplet of tears landing on me
>flip her around and rage fuck to quick finish
>pic related
>>690592357
10k? did you hire attorney? what was your sentence?
>>690592357
10 grand? I was mid range the day after and only cost me $800
All of you people on tinder are a bunch of faggot losers or scumbags.
I'd rather be single my whole life and never get laid again than stoop to that level of desperation.
Anytime Im feeling lonely after im done with a girl I go do manly shit and bitches start begging for the dick.
I meet women on craigslist. Not on the casual envounters. I build some cute bird houses or bird feeders and sell them on craigslist.
>mfw I don't even have to ask women for their numbers since they just text / call me first
Women love a man who can build things with their hands.
annoying thing is that I live 15 mins away from an international airport so I keep getting women catching flights out of the country or fucking flight attendants.
>>690592443
paulina
This just happened last night
>meet an 8/10 qt3.14 Asian grill about month ago
>Didn't speak for a month then she sends text that she wants to meet up on on Sunday of which i agree promptly
>Decide to fap in afternoon just in case before meeting her
>We decide to go workout together since i got that all exclusive membership allowing me to bring guest
>Workout out three hours together due to talking and then we go eat at restaurant
>Walk out of restaurant and ask her what she wants to do now, tells me she wants to go to hotel and fuck
>Mfw I immediately take phone and load Google maps to find closest one and then we go
>We go up to room and she lays down and gets under covers, i soon follow her
>She turns to me saying to come here and immediately begins to make out and get on top of me
>Starts grinding and then takes off all her clothes and i just remove unzip my pants.
>Start fucking her for a while then I go limp ...FML
>Decide to eat her out and finger until i get hard again
>Try to fuck her again and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs so i have to cover her fucking mouth
>Go limp again and simply cannot stay hard while inside her
>End up making her cum by fingering her
Overall she was fucking amazing but godamn i could not stay hard ....fuck
>Match with 4'10 filipino girl
>Horny and bored so i said fuck it
>Chat her up and her english is pretty bad but she's responsive at least
>Turns out she has roommates so end up meeting at park close to her place
>She wouldn't stop talking and its cringy
>"Sing for me anon"
>Can tell instantly she's batshit crazy
>Spend about 2 hours making out/talking
>Take her back to my car and do the dirty in the back seat
>Go for like 15 mins missionary, windows are fogged up
>Success.jpg
>Text for a while but never meet up
>A week later she texts me "Anon my period is late"
>Shit brix obviously and try to convince her to take a piss test
>Bitch takes like 2 fucking days to do it
>Turns out she wasn't really pregnant
>Notice little white spot on my dick
>Ohfuckherewego
>Go to clinic and ask for an std screening, i even showed the doctor a pic of the spot
>mfw i was clean
>mfw i showed a dick pic to a medical doctor for no reason
>mfw thats how i lost my virginity
>>690592518
i think you're tooting your own horn a bit too much, but i agree with the sentiment you're expressing.
>>690592454
Yes got a lawyer
Car impounded
lost license for a year
Dui class for 8 hours
50 community service hours
1 day jail the night i got arrested
And probation for 5 months
>>690592184
Yes. It was easy. She was visiting, I met up with her, she saw I was a nice guy. Fucked her real good. She WANTED me to call her a nigger while I pounded her... so, I think it was a fluke. I don't think she was a real nigger.
>that white thing is toilette paper after I came in her ass. I wiped off some shit and cum.
I've left tinder after 3 weeks of no match, no contact, no nothing.
Should have i stayed? Was it worth staying longer?
>>690592707
Oh yeah and the fine was 8000 dollars then plus the 75 a month for probation and the 3000 grand for the lawyer and the 350 to get my car out of impound and also the 500 to get my license reinstated after the year. Oh and the 200 dollars for the class. Shit was rough
>>690592707
i think maybe your lawyer sucked. around here that's the sentence you get if you don't hire an attorney. jesus fucking christ. what state you in?
>>690592495
Lucky you, what state this was in texas they are trying to make dui a felony
>>690589749
Two thousand kilometers is still too damn close
>>690589959
> "I haven 't felt that good since Archie Gemmill scored against Holland in 1978!"
>>690592893
you shouldnt have had to pay for the class, that seems a bit retarded.
>>690592906
Texas
>>690585842
Why was she lying about me?
>>690592600
happens to the best of us
>>690592707
Christ how was it that bad even with a lawyer? I didn't even show up to court, I'm guessing american?
>>690592667
Hey man, none of the women I've met doing it that way have been as crazy as the shit I'm reading here.
Chasing women who are desperate never ends well. Women who are happy and buying things for their houses are usually level headed and have their shit together.
>>690593070
I'm in shreveport. what county you in?
>>690592724
Name?
>>690592798
Should stick with it fam
>>690590116
>ample breast
Bitch my gf is half your size with twice the titty
>>690593140
Yes amerifag here
>>690593147
Again, I think you're right. You got your head on the shoulders.
Last night, i couldn't believe someone actually used this as a pic
>>690591359
No idea but think it was from my ex, she came across as a bit slutty.
7
>Match me an Ellen Paige type
>petite, brown hair and eyes and a right little cutie
>we have mutual friends she's mates with a bros gf
>they suggest we all go out of a double date
>fuckitwhynot?.bmp
>we meet up and have dinner and drinks
>this girl is awkward as fuck but it's all good
>bro tells me she's bad in social situations like this that's why him and his gf was there
>we talk about football, cars and eventually shitty TV shows to get the girls chatting and Ellen starts to come out her shell a bit
>we go to a bar where they suggest shots
>this anon can't fuck with jäger bombs
>they order them in the masses
>I go from charming prince to the artist formally known as prince in about 30 minutes
>wake up in my hallway 11am the next day
>hangover is terminal
>call bro and ask wtf happened?
>he's crying down the phone for a good 2 minutes before I say bell me back when you can talk
>30 minutes later he calls and to my horror he recounts my night after the jäger
>we got into a deep a meaningful conversation about what we're looking for in a relationship
>turns out bro could hear everything we talked about
>she told me she's the way she is cuz her grandfather had raped her repeatedly when she was a child
>my response was
I bet you my dick would feel better than his
>I then proceeded to try and grab her hand and put it on my cock and say look you can even see it through my jeans it's that big
>the bouncer sees and asks me to behave
>BATTLE!!!!
>get thrown out and we all walk back to bros car
>puke by the car for a solid 15 minutes which ended up stinking so bad they all had to jump in the car and drive up the road to wait for me
>when I get in the car I said to poor Ellen Do you fuck without rubbers or what then? Before passing out and bro had to drag me to my house
>I been told she deleted all dating apps and has sworn to never go near another man again.
Fuck jäger
>>690592592
no? it was some super Italiany
>>690593152
Harris
>>690589102
Ive been there done that. Girls dad walked in the room, I was hiding in corner. He found me butt naked with a rock hard boner. But I'm 6'3 and 20 lbs, SO he ran to get a bat. I picked up my cloths and ran out a back door with a boner into the cold snowy night. End up picking her up 5 minutes later and fucking in my car until morning
>go on tinder
>match with 9/10
>go out for drinks
>take her back to mine
>give her oral
>she cums buckets
>says she needs a break
>drink more
>says oral was so good she wants more
>she cums again as I'm getting lock jaw
>she says she needs to go use the bathroom
>gone for 10 mins, start to wonder
>realise she's left, not on stairs saying thanks for the orgasms
>so confused...
>>690593231
she looks alright.
what the hell is "major key alert"?
>>690592798
Just stay with it. For me, it's just something for me to keep in my pocket and check in on it every now and then.
>>690592798
Not if you are fucking cringy and ugly as sin. Then no. Otherwise: YES
>>690593272
you are the man, m8
>>690592724
That's nice bro.
Also, do you just whip out your phone and take pictures of her? Girls always seem to kinda freak out if i want to take photos
>>690593366
i don't know, didn't get it either
>>690593366
I feel like you're 30+.
>>690593209
jesus fuck that, I live in Syndey
>day after
>pulled over, doing 120km in 70 zone
>oh shit.png
>dont even think I could be over bac
>I blow mid range
>miss both court hearings cause I'm at uni
>no criminal conviction and small fine
>>690593335
>6'3"
>20lbs
>>690593547
He's just not 16
>>690593299
country
>>690593175
EVERY Girls who writes "NO ONS!!!" or just swipe left if you wanna fuck and nothing else
is
LYING. They just don't wanna look desperate or like sluts. Then they fuck you on the first date and say something like "I've never done this on the first date"
>>690593547
im 30 and i have no idea what it is.
>>690593650
Truth
>>690593475
She didn't care.
I totally snapped her sucking my dick. She looked right up at my phone while swallowing muh cock.
>>690593547
I'm getting there, should I know what it means?
>>690593782
"Major key alert" is a phrase DJ Khaled uses before he gives out really fucking stupid advice.
>>690593966
"major key alert, keep it hummus not hamas WE DA BEST"
like that?
>>690593272
>>690593966
wew it's fucking stupid then, thank you, i don't regret swiping left
>be on tinder
>see little brother's recent ex on there
>swipe
>match
>flirt
>she spends Friday, Saturday and Sunday in my bed with me hanging out the back of her
Still the hottest girl I've fucked
>>690593966
Ah I see, thank you for clearing that up, I've never listened to DJ Khaled and I feel like it would be a bad idea.
>>690594336
he's just a stupid wannabe nigger, which is 30% of the rap community. the other 70% is stupid niggers. he fits right in.
>>690594326
pic pls
>>690594336
>>690594457
This.
>>690594242
Yea I wouldn't date a number of people who are in their early 20's right now
>>690594457
Yep, bad idea, thanks for the info all the same.
>>690584466
>matched with this quirky poly chick who is a polefitness instructor with pink/purple hair and lip/nose piercing
>shes 7 years older than i am, i am 25
>we talk for about 2 weeks, then meet up for a beer
>she knows everyone there, buys me beer for half the price
>its karaoke night, we laugh at the bad singers and genuinelly click pretty nicely and talk easily
>then the hardcore flirting starts, she tells me to grope her breasts to check if shes a guy or not (this was some kind of a joke of her actually being a guy since she was so cool)
>there's this ps4/xbox corner in the bar, nobody is there, i suggest we play burnout2
>which was kind of a bad move, since we clicked so well, so we sat down but didnt really play, i focused on keep talking instead
>we get touchy and stuff
>i go in for the kiss, easy as fuck, shes the best kisser i have ever met, i now cringe from bad kissers when i meet other girls after this one
>we go back to her place, i think we played some music before fucking
>she sucked my dick for a very long time, she really likes chilling with a dick in her mouth
>i fuck her in 3 different positions, im on a drug called vanlefaxine, so its almost impossible for me to cum, i really have to try to cum
>she loves it and calls me a freak, also is very impressed by how dominant i am, she is a very experienced BDSM person
>she loves the bruises she has afterwards
>now i am poly with her and other 2 girls, we all know of each other and we are gonig to work on meeting up each other slowly and steadily
>>690594717
pics
>>690594484
>right now
"20 years old, Paris, studying nurse. To be honest i only like black and mixed guys blablabla"
> Oh yeah don't worry
>>690594873
very fine. 7/10 if she's flat chested and no booty, 8/10 if she got jugs or ass, 9/10 if she got both.
very, very nice.
>>690594942
is she beurette?
Not tindr, but same concept.
>Meet 5/10 super nice chick. 7/10 in new pics
>texting, 3 days in. All seems well
>She's horny af all the time
>call her for shits and gigs
>Says she likes control
>"Ok, what the fuck does that mean?!"
>"Well, anon, have you heard of pegging?!"
>I actually loled at her over phone because I thought she was joking
>nope. bitch is dead fucking serious.
>I kindve trolled her for a bit over phone before saying "yehhh.... we only going to be friend. my butthole is my butthole"
Honestly, you couldn't write that kind've crazy. She even went into how cops are racist and how some cop was going to rape her..
>>690595051
no, just trash
>>690594717
a win for anon. Good for you man
>used timber for a while
>never got a girls reply
>deleted timber
>found 6/10, find out she's super awkward
>We talk for a couple of hours, sexual tension but not getting anywhere
>Give up, smoke weed and watch youtube
>girl writes to me again, asks me to come over, lives 10 minutes away
>super high, decide fuck it why not, never had sex high before that
>get there, super white trash girl in her brothers apartment
>Sit down in couch next to her, contemplate if I should just run or not
>she starts touching me, decide I could just fuck and forget
>Super awkward sex at first, then she asks me to remove condom
>warningbells.wav but super high, removes condom
>finish and hurry home
>Find out she already has a kid since she was 17
>sweat bullets since I removed condom
>ignore her for weeks
>month later, still no surprise kid
>Write to her again, straight up ask if she wants to fuck
>she says yes, go over there and fuck her again
>moved a couple of months later for uni. Never heard from her again
>>690593366
Normie DJ Khaled meme
>>690584466
Jesus Christ, if you could have held off fapping or at least not finished in her hair you could have had a legit shot as a rebound you stupid fag
>>690584466
Bitches who got dumped and just want a dick inside her for revenge or to solve some kind of shit inside those stupid heads. I've been in that situation a plenty of times. At least I could beat some meat, so fuck it.
tinder = female attention app
>>690595340
he already held her in contempt. he made the right move.
>>690593272
Can you post a dickpic or your body or your face? or everything?
>>690587045
That's actually a very good sign. If it were to turn into a relationship, you definitely don't want to be with someone who'd give it away so easily. It's respectable.
>>690586901
Did you even read the fucking story? He didn't fuck her, he didn't nag her about it, he didn't rape her.
He went along with not having sex and then went home.
Since when is it illegal to be frustrated over these kind of things? FUCK I hate people like you
Please do the world a service and blow your brains out
>>690593272
8
>match me a cute af 18 year old
>she's really into the older guy thing
>half Colombian half Iranian
>the type you'd see with heavy make up on in a club getting guys falling over themselves for them
>talk starts getting sexual, let's take this to whatsapp
>dickpicsinbound.jpg
>when she sees the beast she wants that release and plan to meet up in the week
>she's really petite when she turns up and I'm getting doubts about her age so when she gets id at the bar I have me a look.
>yep she 18
>finish drinks and get a hotel room
>wore this girl like a sock
>she was tiny everywhere but so so so filthy
>fucked all night and then the next morning and then went for breakfast
>arranged to meet again during the day and then started talking about her a bit
>I asked her what she was studying at uni
>turns out she's still in sixth form
>she sending me pics of her in her uniform at break
>I actually had to nip in the toilets at work for a wank they was that hot
>Friday comes around and we get a hotel
>she turns up with a silver necklace for me
>pays for the hotel and dinner
>parents are fucking loaded and give her a credit card
>same thing again except tonight she brought her uniform with her
>smashed her harder than meteors hitting the earth from light years away
>next day get text from some girl I'm seeing
>anon are you seeing anyone else?
>shitbricks.exe
>when we was at dinner she was taking pictures of me and her and uploading them to Instagram and Facebook tagging me in there as her bf
>nah bitch homey don't play that
>blocked her on everything told her I was getting back with me ex
>mfw she found out where I lived and turned up there
In the end she stalked me for about 6 months and then eventually left me alone.
>>690595701
gee you overreacted a bit.
>>690593740
pic?
>>690595490
Yeah, kinda. But if you don't give them the attention they want so much you can use that desperation for your advantage.
>>690594865
we're good friends and in a poly relationship, im not comfortable with that, and im sure she is not either, just a cute girl
>>690595150
totally is, appreciate it
im retarded enough to still feel like life is shit tho, depression ftw
>>690588324
I do both, I longboard for hills and commute, I skate for tricks and fun lmao
And i ask again:
How do you guys manage to take pics while fucking / getting a Blowjob or just naked pics in general?
Anytime i'm going for my phone/camera the girls seem to freak out..
>>690595903
>smashed her harder than meteors hitting earth from light years away
kek
>>690595918
Am I wrong though?
>>690596249
they can only land sluts not normal chicks
its a selection issue
>>690591243
>cocktails.
lost credibility there mate.
>>690596348
everything up until them needing to blow their brains out I agreed with. People like that are why I live such a nice life.. so I'll put up with their illogical, crazy asses for the sake of my own
>>690596249
>>690596618
yeah it's only certain girls that will let you. Sluts will pretty much let you do anything. Your average chick is going to be freaked out by the idea of pics during sex
>>690596695
dunno if you got money its really nice to get fucked up on good cocktails, rather than beer or shots. as a matter of fact, ive gotten more pussy from wine and mixed drinks than shots or beer. great to be 30 year old.
>>690584466
>be me, not particularly attractive tbh
> 5% match
>> 20% bots
>> 75% never reply to my first message
>> 5% conversation fizzles
fml
>>690596786
wow I was going to reply but you said exactly what was on my mind.
>>690595903
pic!!
>>690596883
thanks for being honest instead of making up bullshit about landing 10/10 every time you try to pull
>>690586278
Holy shit bruv.
>>690596957
>>690592619
And that is why you never fuck a southeast asian girl without a rubber. She'll either take something from your or leave you with something, and either way it will not be a good thing for you.
>>690596695
Absolutely not.
>>690596880
This guy understands
>>690597342
I think you made some mistakes not sticking with the hot rich young girl.
>>690592518
you tool
>>690596972
My personal experience: (in Germany)
- Above average looks
- Kinda skinnyfat (but not really)
- 27 - no job, no money, small ass appartement
> 15% match
> haven't experienced any bots
> 50% reply / don't reply
> 25% Conversations that suddently stop / don't go anywhere
>25% success - Date or fuck
>>690597542
i had the same thought lol! but honestly, you know she was going to get bored of him and bail. younger chicks do that a lot.
>>690597651
why no job? i thought deutschlands did a good job of giving people employment training.
>>690593355
typical
>meet grill on POF
>Says shes 30
>Close enough
>Pics she had must have been 15 years old
>Gained a lot of weight
>Gotta br nearing mid 40s
>See a photo of her son who looks my age
>Fuckit.jpg
>Go balls deep
>I get bored as she just lies there
>I start doing mother son RP without her asking me to not did I askorme tionit
>All spur of the moment
>She gets weirded out
>i say, "yea bitch you go out and find someone your son's age and I'm the perve
>I stop with to and just finish and leave
>She texts me a bunch of times after and I keep banginguntil ifindnee slam pig
Worth it
>>690592600
Don't jerk off day of retard.
>>690597757
But they are also giving away free money. So fuck that. Until i find a job that suits me i'll just stay unemployed :)
>>690592619
Yahoo
>>690585178
thats every tinder experience right there. fucking fatties pretending not to be should be illegal
they should be rounded up and sent to some kind of camp....
>>690597901
why don't you want to find a profession to excel at and take pride in? i thought german culture emphasized the value of each person pulling their own weight and not burdening society.
>>690589628
holy shit im losing it
>>690598093
Because everyone is selling something but nobody is making anything. Global culture doesn't know what it takes to go the full measure anymore
>>690598375
I dont understand what that means or how it relates to your lack of employment and lack of desire for employment and lack and lack of desire to become employable
>>690595903
9
>in Manchester on stag do
>hello tinder what you got me?
>swipe right like a madman
>MATCH
>hey good looking! Let's meet up!
>me and the lads I'm with meet her and the girls she with
>she on a hen night
>we all get divided and I end up with one of her mates who invites me and some random bro back to their apartment
>random bro is giving me cigarettes and the low down on who's up for and I don't really know any of the girls there
>there's 6 in total
>the hen who was about 30 and probably 6/10 was sad she never got to do any of the challenges she had set out for her by the girls
>some was silly things like have a stranger buy you a drink or kiss a girl one was get a pair of men's boxers
>I felt bad for her and said you can have mine if you want and we'll see about any other challenges I can help with
>I go to the toilet to take off my boxers and she follows me in and talks to me outside the door
>she's obviously peaking in so I give her something to look at
>the girls turned out to be a right laugh and they said I could sleep in the bed with two of them
>the hen and her soon to be sister in law
>I ended up grinding up against the hen and playing with her pussy before she slipped her knickers off and we was fucking bareback next to her husband to be sister
>came in seconds
>she instantly had regret
>passed out shortly after and woke up in the morning
>got me a water in nothing but my jeans and socks
>original girl I matched went mental after seeing me come out of the hens room
>pushed me out of the apartment
>I'm there in the hall banging on the door 20 floors up trying to get my shit
>the door opens and my wallet, phone, shirt and one shoe came flying at me
>the door closes and start banging again as I need my other shoe
>the door opens again and my shoe flies past my head over the balcony 20 stories down to reception
>I get the lift down and walk up to reception and before I open my mouth the guard just plonks my shoe down
>cheers mate
>>690587424
>>sat on the train and realised she pissed on my jeans
>
>Doesn't matter, had sex
Fucking grand.
>>690598698
you a dog m8, love it
>>690592518
Faggot.
>married for 8 years
>dont date anymore
>fucked my wife last night
>she raggin
>blow huge load
>turn on the lights
>blood soaked thighs
>bits of flesh all over my dick
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>>690586901
>mfw
>only read 16 lines
>>690595081
what a missed opportunity
>>690590116
>League of legends player
if she ain't Diamond or above then don't even waste ur time on some scrub
i met a tinder girl at a music shop once because i was in her town and we talked for 30 minutes....
than i went home and cried
>>690599077
I'm the same way. I don't even give a fuck anymore when my girl's on her period.
>Match with a qt 7/10 Asian, got huge titties and a cute smile
>Get chatting and turns out she goes to uni near where I live
>Says she has class the next day but has a three hour break
>Invite her over
>Chubby 4/10 asian in jean shorts and tank top that are way too small for her rocks up in a banged up piece of shit car
>Whathaveidone.jpg
>Still invite her in, may as well try and get a BJ out of this
>She says she wants to fuck
>Go to my room, get naked, she's an absolute train wreck
>My dick is really confused
>Makeout, she's trying to do porn star kissing with heaps of tongue
>Not into it
>She grabs my hans and puts in between her legs, says she's wet AF
>Literally took me 30 seconds to find her vagoo
>Regrettably finger blast her till she cums
>Says she wants to fuck, but need a condom
>Don't worry, I wouldnt let my dick touch your dirty vag either
>Purposely break the condom cause theres no way in hell im fucking some tub of lard
>She says im unlucky, I beg to differ
>Gives me a BJ and practically swallows me whole
>Cum and get another 2 more BJs before she has to get back to uni
>She leaves, I wash my dick thoroughly
>Ignore all her messages
>She wanted to fuck for like a month and then I think she got the idea
>MFW I told the story of how I lost my virginity to my girlfriend
>>690600003
>finger blast
thanks friend, i lold
>Implying any of you go out of the house unless its with your mummy to get chicken tendies.
>days before smartphone
>talking to this girl on AIM
>agree to meet up and fuck
>meet her irl shes fat and dumpy and a slob
>tell her, "sorry me and my friends decided to go to this event, you're not invited"
>talking to this girl on ICQ
>agree to meet up and fuck
>she is a fat slob and disgusting
>give her a hug, tell her ill brb
>run like hell
>ignore her shit from that point on
sometimes you got to make a judgment call.
>>690589329
My sides
>>690599077
Hope you are okay with your son only being good at video games and your daughter only being good at holding the spoon level while he holds a lighter under it.
ITT: degenerates.
>>690600936
why would that make us degenerates. i thought dispensing with circa 800 BCE religious cleanliness codes would be a sign of improvement.
>>690592600
>can't stay hard while fucking
Sounds like you're a faggot and only want traps
>>690592642
Kek
Don't really care about your stories, what I want to hear is what you put it inside of your profile. What pictures did you post?
What is your default opening line?
>>690601204
i think everyone's had that happen a few times. nothing to worry about unless it happens more than once in a blue moon.
>>690601116
Kek
Replied to the wrong post
>>690591479
>>690591585
If you recolored that pic to make her have black hair and brown eyes, everyone would be "OMGersh Asian QT!"
>>690602128
you might be right. thats sad.
>>690598698
moar anon
>>690601599
Op here, tinder is easy. Bio is key to making you come across as cheery and playful without being a pussy or too alpha. Use your interests to play on that unless your life consists of fapping over traps on /b/ that is.
As for opening line hey good looking! How are you? always works for finding out what kind of girl she is and also starting to get into a conversation
>>690602373
Threads gonna 404 in a min I'll start a new one but only got a few more stories to go.
>>690589749
does the cocked eye still work or is it just for show?
Someone save this please
>>690587045
She's still wrong and here's why:
Men aren't like women who just want to stop sometimes. Once turned on you want to keep going. If you're very sexually running on a man's dick and getting all over him without saying not interested beforehand then you're setting him up for false expectations. We'd rather you not go that far and go all the way next time than leave us blue.
>>690603526
*rubbing on
It's not illegal but it's in poor taste.
>>690603526
you're so autistic
im cringing over your replies, stop plox
>>690585178
What did she say, did you feel bad?
>>690603762
Plox? Is this 2007 RS now? Fuck outta here.
Seriously though if you're already all over us it's like "we know you want to go all the way RN so do it or don't go this far."
Seriously, a kiss goodnight, a short grope session makes the point clear without being excessive. Hours of that shit you may as well just get fucked.
>>690589535
HEY EVERYONE SHOENICE HEAR
>>690589535
>>690589628
FUCK
>>690604253
sry i did not play runescape like you, no surprise, since you're so autistic
you just sound like a big fucking baby dude, you're pathetic
>>690604679
Being honest. I'd respect the girl more if she was less forward in that instance. I'm a different anon than the poster btw.
>>690604884
everyone is right to their opinion ofcourse, just some opinions show how much of a retard you are
like the crybabie guy cos she didnt wanna fuck when he wanted to, its a babbie behaviour
reminds me of a overexcited puppy, quite pathetic, very unattractive
>>690595903
you've been talking about how big ur dong is
post pic with timestamp and dont be a faggot about it
>>690605157
I'm saying it's fine if she doesn't and he does but if that's the case don't grind up on him for several hours.
>>690591877
>girl has fart-face
>click thumbnail
>"methane production"
I laughed so loud I scared myself and jumped
>>690587424
Top Adolf famalan
>>690605340
if you dont want to get grinded, stop her
set your own limits
if you're gonna take what you're gonna get, dont fucking cry when you dont get everything
how is this not simple as fuck?
>>690605189
This
>>690592466
>i have 30 piercings and 7 tattoos
and into the trash it goes
>>690605563
If she does it then tells him partway through its still in bad taste. Again, it sets a level of expectation. You may not get everything but it sets a feeling up that seems like you'd get everything. Better to say no once things get even a little heated. Save anon his time.
hey yall I got a story too
>use tinder
>never get any fucking matches at all
>>690598698
10
>on tinder
>match me milf
>milfy is randy as fuck and wants no messing around fun time sexy sex
>loves me a milf
>meet up at a bar away from my area in case anyone sees me with milfy
>she's not ugly but much like a moped as fun as they are to ride you don't want your mates to see you on that
>go to bar and have a couple of cheeky tequilas
>fuck milfy in an alley behind bar
>we go to another bar where her mate is drinking
>mate is another 4/10 but milfy so I'm flirting like a motherfucker
>we go back to milfys friends house and after some more drinking I convinced them to have a threesome
>epic milf threesome!
>this shit is like you'd see on the crappy side of xvideos
>milfy is really into it but her friend not so
>she insists on having the lights out so there's only the light from the hall
>suddenly I feel like a face is staring at me from the shadows
>I'm getting the fear now
>it's a fucking ghostly face in the darkness next the head of this girl I'm fucking while anally finger blasting milfy
>WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!
>I jump up and smash the lights on with the two girls visibly shaken by my outburst
>I see what I thought was the ghastly face
>it was Harry fucking potter
>it was harry fucking potter bed sheets we was having epic milf threesome on
>mfw milfys mate brought us back to have a threesome on her sons bed with his fucking toys everywhere
>we finished up and I got for that aftersex pee
>feelsgoodmayne.exe
>wash my junk and walk back into the bedroom for part 2 of the Harry Potter fuckfest
>ready for round two girls?
>the faces drop and I see milfy is on the phone
>ohshit
>turns out that was milfys husband on the phone
>milfys mate says to me he'll be here in about a minute and he's not happy, you need to go
>milfy starts panicking
>I climb out the downstairs window of the 1st floor flat they're in just as he comes flying through the door
>I can hear him beating the shit out of her
Harry potter seen some shit that night fam
>>690605998
The picture alone or the 8 year relationship didn't kill it for you? You really read all the way to that tattoos and piercings part?
>>690606074
"Again, it sets a level of expectation"
so if you expect anything from a person, that person is obligated to follow them through?
i hope you're trolling me brother, cos you're doing a great job
"Save anon his time."
if hes willing to "invest" his time on anything, its his "gamble"
you dont get rewarded with sex for x amount of time you spend with a person holy shit
>>690588248
She wanted to try again you dunce
>>690606501
you're a fucking legend mate
>climbed on top of the beast avoiding the rhinoceros horn as to not lose an eye
doh ho ho
Should I try?
