meme relationship and humorous break up thread. broke up with my gf this morning.
first, some backstory
>i own my own house since parents died when i was young and left it to me
>after dating for about 6 months gf moves in
>last month she asked if a friend of hers could stay for a while, had nowhere else to go etc. etc.
>sure why not
>friend is a mad man-hating lesbian
>always taking digs at me and shit talking to my gf about how men suck and whatnot
>this is while im letting her stay at my house rent free for a month
>since super dyke has been here gf and i have been arguing more than usual, and intimacy is gone
Anyway heres how it finally ended this morning
>cooking breakfast this morning
>making spaghetti because i feel like it, fuck you
>gf comes out and says it smells amazing
>"anon, whats in it?"
>tomato, onion, carrot, capsicum, beef....
>"really? beef?"
>yeah what of it
>"you KNOW dyke is a vegan, why would you cook breakfast that isnt vegan? thats just inconsiderate"
>because i wanted beef in my spaghetti fuck you, you can cook her some vegan shit
>dyke comes out of her room to see what the commotion is
>"wow anon, i always knew you were an asshole. see girlfriend, i told you that you shouldn't have someone like this in your life. men are all pigs"
>"gee dyke, youre right. anon, maybe we should consider breaking up"
>epiphany
>this relationship has been retarded since we first got together
>never going to go anywhere
>im over it and dont give a fuck anymore
>yeah alright gf, i agree. i think we should break up. this whole thing has run its course, it would be best to just end it and get on with our lives.
>"w-w-w-what? i didnt mean it, i just wanted to scare you. i dont want to break up"
>cont
>well i do. we argue over stupid shit like this all the time, youre a financial burden and have made no attempt to help support us, youve shown no real interest in moving forward in our relationship at all, and you havent shown me any affection since she turned up. i dont think it will work out long term
>dyke pipes up with "urgh men" or some shit
>gf is stunned, but realises im serious
>starts crying
>"okay anon. if thats what you really want"
>dyke:"oh girl its okay, you dont need a man like that anyway. ive been telling you that you guys should break up since i got here. hes a pig and i know you can do better"
>bitch i dont know what the fuck youre so happy about, if shes moving out so are you
>"what do you mean move out? im not moving out. you can move out"
>this is my house. get out of it
>"no it isnt, gf's name is on the lease, so you can stop lying and get out of here"
>what. there is no rent lease. i own this house. where the fuck did you get that
>"what? even if thats true, i still have tenants rights. you cant evict me for two weeks haha fag"
>youre not a tenant. you arent paying rent. get the fuck outta my house
>"what? i was giving my share of the rent to gf"
>she doesnt pay rent either, what the fuck
turns out my gf had been taking "rent money" and buying clothes and shit with it. meme.
>dyke starts threatening to smash my shit if i dont let her stay
>call buddy who is a lawyer to come over
>he arrives, announces that he is my lawyer and that any destruction of property will be taken seriously and basically youll get raped in court
>dyke starts crying as well, her and gf start yelling at each other while packing
>me and buddy play ps3 and eat spaghetti
>the girls start screaming at me that theyre leaving and theyll be back later with cops
>cool, ill box the rest of your shit up for you so its easy to carry
>they havent returned yet
>MFW this whole ordeal
ive got loads more stories about how stupid this relationship was if youre interested
keep going faggot, this pleases me.
>>685253131
Yes, keep going
>>685253506
agreed
>>685252906
Pretty gud cont
>>685253131
You sir are a champion, cheers to you, reminds me of my ex well at least the cold heart get out we are over part
"Urgh men"
Bumping to keep thread alive
Cont please OP
I love stories where the guy doesn't get fucked over in court because the woman cries wolf
Gg anon, gg
alright then.
>be about 4 weeks in to relationship
>throw parties at my house a fair bit because its my house i do what i want
>gf wants to throw a party at my house
>maybe, let me see guest list
>i dont know any of these people
>"haha yeah theyre my old friends from school"
>alright then, as long as its not a wild party thats fine
>"thanks anon youre the best"
>day of party
>chillin
>"anon i need to talk to you"
>what
>"well you know my friends"
>ye
>"i sort of told them we were married"
>wattafuc
>umm alright then,
>"youre so cool! thanks so much"
>later on first guest arrived
>before i answer the door gf grabs me
>"oh i also told them youre a lawyer, play along"
>what the genuine fuck
>okay
>party is boring as shit, its just gf trying to one up everyone about how rad her life is
>fuck you bitch
>get really drunk
>start giving legal advice to anyone who would listen
>really bad legal advice
>i know nothing of the law
>tell people i work at bergstein, schindler, and boroberg law firm
>come in and ill give you free legal advice
>a month later gf gets call from her friends
>"no such law firm exists, is your bf really a lawyer? darren says he saw him at uni"
>gf is so pissed at me for fucking up her illusion
Tfw OP doesent pretype other experiances
Fuck, I wish I was lucky enough to have a house left to me. Anyway, good show mate!
More! MORE!
Keep it coming lawyer. Type faster
Love me some greentext
>>685255087
Your girlfriend is retarded
>>685255087
mfw
>>685255087
giving out shitty legal advice, sounds like something I'd do smashed.
continue please you glorious faggot
This thread is actually cash. Keep em comin OP. Glad you dumped that cunt over spaghetti.
This thread pleases me. OP get a girl who can suck dick and cook.
>>685255774
>dumped that cunt over spaghetti
Holy kek
>>685255104
i didnt pre type anything fuck you cunt
>first week after gf moves in
>i go do my weekly shopping
>gf gets home from uni
>"ANOOOOOOOOON"
>what cunt im right here dont yell
>"why is there only skim milk"
>i only drink skim milk
>"well i only drink full cream, why didnt you buy any"
>because you didnt ask, and i didnt know
>"honestly anon i swear you never listen to me"
>throw out th egood old "what" joke
>she goes mental
>haha im kidding relax
>there are no breaks on the ANGERY TRAIN
>she starts yelling about how i dont respect her
>shoves some clothes into her suitcase
>leaves
>stays at her parents house for the night
>returns the next morning tail between her legs
>tells me shes sorry, and that i do listen to her she was just mad
>what
>i start laughing at the audacity of my joke
>shes fucking furious
>which is even funnier
>"you cant even respect my apology anon fuck you, i hate you!"
>goes back to her parents again
thats probably the top of the stupid arguments
Where you located OP? You sound chill
saved
>>685255901
and you stayed with her after this
not sure if retard or no fucks
>>685255901
Jesus Christ I swear me and my mom had this exact same conversation
>>685255901
OP are you a britbong or aussie?
>>685252906
Today OP was not a faggot.
>>685252906
>>685256054
no its because of fucks
I want more
Type faster OP, beddy bye time is approaching me.
>>685255901
Actually had a fight like this with my ex a couple times. It was even once about the time I rented movies and didn't bring any Harry Potter movies which she fucking adored but never told me. The memories tho. Top kek
Thank you OP, first greentext I have saved.
Damn I have to screencap this forever
>>685255901
>YOU NEVAR LISTEN 2 MEEE
>...
>"what?"
Holy fuck I love to do this to people their rage grants me sustenance.
>>685256998
Screencap under Revenge folder, also
>off by 1
>an hero
>>685253131
>>685252906
10/10 I'm glad your not a stupid beta fag like the rest of /b/
>>685255909
straya mate
>>685256054
no fucks. the sex was pretty good, and she saw the funny side in it the next day, so i stuck around.
alright next one
>middle of summer
>working out in gym set up in garage because gotta keep that alpha physique
>shirtless because im a gross sweaty faggot
>running on treadmill doing high speed intervals
>gf comes down
>"anon my friends are here........."
>her girlfriends are there
>oh hey what up, keep running because fuck bitches
>"well just letting you know theyre hear, put a shirt on for fucks sake"
>no you
>her slutty friend doesnt follow them back upstairs
>stop running
>can i help you miss
>"no, just enjoying the view"
>umm okay good bye im done now gotta get away from this slut
>go have shower
>chill in study doing uni work
>gf comes in once friends leave
>"anon what the fuck did you do"
>nothing why
>"well slut kept asking really weird questions, like how big your dick is and if we wanted a threesome"
>cool, what did you tell her
>"WHAAAAT"
>what
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN"
>i dunno, wat are you talking about. i didnt say i wanted to fuck her, because i dont, chill out
>"what"
>yeah the only bitch i wanna fuck is you, calm down
>"fucking hell i hate you anon, but you can be cute sometimes"
>so we gon fuck now or what
>"haha youre so funny"
>for real if you aint down ta smash ima go whip my dick right now i dont give a fuck
>"oh anon, youre hilarious"
>im serious
>pull dick out
>"OMG"
>shes down to bone
good times
Hurry you horny faggot keep this gold coming
>>685255901
>the ANGERY TRAIN
>ANGERY TRAIN
>ANGERY
I dont know why the fuck i laugh at words that are meme-ified like this but i love it
Okay my boys, I have a short story of how I broke up with my past gf
>be me in high school
>hangout with gf, few friends, one of which are in a couple
>one day I bring like a monster with me because thats what edgy kids drank at lunch
>girl in the couole asked if she could have some
>"yea sure why not"
>she drinks it and i slowly look over at gf pouting
>bishwhat.png
>shes genuinely upset for some reason
>lunch ends and once school gets out shes STILL upsetti
>find out through her friend that she thought of it as in indirect kiss
>jesuschristthiswomanisautistic.jpg
>try and cheer her up but nothing works
>suddenly, mine switches off
>blatantly say "well, at least im getting something more from her than i have with you recently"
>her face turns red with anger and the power of a thousand suns
>at this point im laughing but still in tard mode
>gf walks off in a pissed manner
>friend walks up and says "you know shes a cunt right"
>realize relationship is crap
>break up next day, and coincidentally so did the girl that I dhared a drink with
>2 weeks later, score with drink girl
Ex still hasn't talked to me since lmao
Those bitches deserved it tho
>>685257421
>What did you tell her
>my sides/10
>savage/10
Missed an oppurtunity there OP
>>685257629
What a beta fag
>>685257421
It is now my goal in life to be the boyfriend who gives no fucks just like this man
keep the stories coming faggot(s)
>>685257629
I've never had a friend that would hit me with the truth 0 fucks given. Now i'm envious
>>685257892
It's not that hard get cheated on a few times and you will stop caring about women's feelings
>about 9 month mark in our relationship
>she takes me to her sisters birthday party or something
>her dad is a loose unit, her mum hates me
>everything going smoothly, until...
>mid afternoon, gf tells me we need to get out of here
>why tho
>"because my parents want to kill you"
>why tho
>"because theyre horrible people"
>no theyre not, dont be an idiot
>"no really dont you think my whole family is bad"
>no, theyre pretty g, got no problems with em
>"dammit anon! theyre not here you can tell me what you think"
>theyre alright. i get that they dont love me but i dont hold it against them
>her parents come around the corner
>"See we told you he didnt hate us, i dont know why you would lie about that. come on anon, lets get you a beer"
turns out she told them i hated them so i wouldnt be invited to any more of her families functions, because my presence makes her feel weird around them. really all she had to do was say that and i would have made up excuses to not go, dont know why she liekd playin games
OP is a legend, thread better be here for after my fap.
>>685252906
>>685253131
I respect that you handled it calmly and rationally. And that you were able to go through with it. I hate when I see people unable to break ties even when they're being taken advantage of.
>>685258229
>she liekd playin games
Welcome to the wide world of women
MOAR PLX
>>685258156
Really? Hanging with the wrong crowd, Anon. I'd say every every other friend i have gives me their thoughts straight up.
>>685252906
>Be 23, live with male friend from work in split level apartment, I'm upstairs.
>Showering work, gf is visiting.
>Gf kicks opens bathroom door, rips open shower curtain. "I fuckin' caught you anon! I fuckin' caught you! I knew you were cheating!.
>Me: wtf?
>gf: you fucking know. (This goes back and forth until I get pissed, we start yelling, I'm still showering.)
>Me: I have no fucking idea what you're taliking about!!!
>gf: I was on your computer, I saw everything, I caught you!
Me: (Speechless because I didn't cheat but I shoulda).
Gf: I saw everything, (in a loud, gruff and sarcastic voice) 'Asian Asian Lesbians', Big Wet Butts, Big Butts Like it Big ,Gaping Asses, I saw it all. All in a little folder right there in your Videos!
>Been downloading ALOT porn on UTorrent at the time;
I pulled the curtain back and finished my shower.
>She sat on the toilet and cried.
>My roommate only talked to me by text after that.
Don't put your dick in crazy.
>about 2 months into relationship
>gf asks why i own house
>my parents died when i was 18 and left me the house
>"haha good one anon, really though"
>im serious m8
>"really anon, telll me why"
>i am
>"this joke isnt funny dammit! why wont you tell me"
>i am tho
>she gets mad and huffs and goes away
>about 2 hours later she comes back
>"anon i am SO sorry"
>its cool, i dont mind, its been 4 years
>"no my behaviour was not okay, ive been a real naughty girl"
>"to make it up to you, you can punish me however you want"
>cool
>put her on leash in room
>"anon what are you going to do to me now teehee"
>youll see
>go get her food and drink
>bring it in
>"what, i dont understand...."
>you get to stay here, ive invited the boys around for a boys night
>"WHAT!"
>its cool, theyll be gone by like 12, then we can get started
>the boys come and go, ends up being a big night
>smashed, i enter our room
>try untie gf
>takes me about 5 minutes to undo a single knot
>shes super horny, apparently dogging her for the boys turned her on'
>slur about how im going to fuck her
>fall onto bed
>pass out
she was annoyed but thought that was pretty funny
>>685253131
Please be real. Even if its fake this shit's cathartic, please cont.
I have a story, not break up, but of my high school prom 2 years ago
>be me, 18, high school, 7/10
>take mutual friend, 5/10, to prom cause neither have dates
>I hate her friends, but stick around them to try to score brownie points
>all of them are at most 6/10 beta virgin white knights
>I'm driving prom date and her betas (like 4 more of them total) to eat at a restaurant 30 min away from home
>well call my prom date prommy
>" anon you drive to slow"
>everyone starts pitching in
>"omg anon I wanna make it there alive"
>"can you go any slower"
>"omg your going too fast, are you sure you have a real license "
>"lol anon what's wrong don't you know how to drive"
>irritated as fuck
>prommy says "I'd rather walk there because at least I'll get there faster and alive"
>go to side of freeway
>go to shotgun seat where prommy was sitting in
>open door
>"then get the fuck outa my car and walk"
>oh shit I'm not kidding
>everyone tries to talk me out of this, that they were just joking
>ohfuckno.jpg
>everyone gets out of my car, drive home and leave them stranded
>hours later I see them at prom, giving Bitch face
>mfw I was able find a last second prom date and still get score
>>685258948
If someone gets upset at you for telling the truth, then it's someone you probably shouldn't associate with. That's how I look at it.
I don't lie to people, even to spare their feelings.
>>685257421
Can't tell if anon is a nigger or from New Jersey.
>>685253131
Good work my boy
>>685259554
My man. Thats how its supposed to be imo. Keep it real
>>685259768
the very first thing he did in that post was say that he's from Australia
>>685257629
Life is too short for that kind of drama; especially when you're younger. No woman is worth it. You gotta choose the path of least resistance.
>>685260220
e x a c t l y
>>685260270
>Le resistance
>>685253131
This is an awesome story.
Can someone fucking cap these stories jesus christ
Testify
>>685260675
Gotcha mate
>>685260384
>>685258210
You'll find that when they are 1). super suspicious of you OR 2). Super descriptive about their plans or what they did they're likely cheating.
>If they're cheating they assume you are too and want to catch you to make you feel guilty so you're the bad guy in all this OR
>They've scripted their lie-story so much that they have so much detail 'just in case';
>>685260829
>this thread
>>685260864
Oh trust me dude I had moved a girl in took care of her and her kid she cheated I found out and some how I was the bad guy, told everyone I raped and beat her, Lucky my friends knew I wasn't the type no one believed her and she was just seen as a whore
>>685259768
neither, im a whit boy from straya. i was just shit talking in that scenario
new story
>out on a date
>take her to nice restaurant and everything
>shits going well
>shes giving me the bedroom eyes, i know she wants it
>get to end of our meal
>decide to have fun
>our waiter seems really cool, hes been dicking around all night and even got us some complementary drinks because he thinks we're cool
>at the end of the meal, i ask him how the bathrooms are
>"what"
>Are they clean, is there enough room for two, etc.
>"what"
>the gf is looking pretty good and i dont think i can wait to get back to the car, i reckon shed be keen for a go right now if you catch my drift
>waiter starts laughing
>gf is filthy dirty
>couple seated near us here, woman glares at us, her husband laughs, she glares at him, he starts skulling his drink and giggling
>waiter starts saying the bathrooms are "clean enough", and how there isnt much room, but im pretty thin so we should be able to make it work.
>"theres no condom machine either, so if you didnt come prepared you should get out of here, we dont like unsafe practices here"
>im dying
>give him a $100 tip
>he refuses because straya
>ask his name
>call up restaurant later, ask to speak to manager, tell him about how great our service was last night and how the waiter was a great guy
>manager is stoked to hear such compliments about his restaurant
>gf was mad and we didnt end up fuckin, but was still worth it
>>685260864
>>If they're cheating they assume you are too and want to catch you to make you feel guilty so you're the bad guy in all this OR
>>They've scripted their lie-story so much that they have so much detail 'just in case
so much right...this never fails, EVERY female does this shit, and its ridiculous
>>685260963
i figured it would fit, and that song popped into my head
>>685260737
Right on, here's some art. Enjoy.
>>685258229
When a women keeps her life segmented like that, be careful, because there's always room for another 'segment' that she's gonna keep separate from the other; usually a man.
>>685258420
> I hate when I see people unable to break ties even when they're being taken advantage of.
Oh boy can i relate to that. Let me spin the yarn of the time i dated a tumblrette.
>Be in high school
>Through a mutual friend find this shy but nerdy girl
>We start dating, we have little in common but we make it work
>We were both virgins, emphasis on were
>When we worked up the courage to fuck after like a year dat shit was C@$H MONEY Damn/10 perfect
>She developed into basically a nympho who was into chains and whips
>This caused me to have to go into sex stores with my older brother at age 17
>On an unrelated note that's when i learned my brother was gay. ANYWAYS,
>My literally perfect 10/10 gf discovered Tumblr.
>This was before i knew about how bad that drug was.
>She cut her hair to look butch (which i was kinda ok with) but also started having conversations with me that were just a bit too SJW
>2.5 years in at this point, the metamorphosis is complete. She changed from a 10/10 to a tumblrette
>Got kinda fat because she decided that all foods besides breaded chicken give her the equivalent of vietnam flashbacks (she was triggered by the textures or some shit)
>I actually love her for some fucking reason still
>We both graduate and go to different colleges but our homes are like a block away from each other so we still try to see each other like once or twice a week
>Every time it was the same thing, we'd go get food (at the same. fucking. place. every. time.), bring it back home, watch some shit on a screen then fuck for a bit.
>>685261258
If this is real You are absurdly chill and I want to buy you a beer.
>>685261511
thats some beta ass shit right there
>high school
>on and off again girlfriend
>realise i hate her after second breakup
>realise hate-fucking is the best thing in existence
>cheat on her constantly while together
>fuck her so hard every time we are alone together
>finally get too pissed at her to even fuck her and start talking shit on her
>she fucked one of her friends
>slept in bed with another one who liked her but she 'didn't do anything'
>we get in big argument
>final breakup
>i've been experimenting with mood stabalisers with my psychiatrist this whole time
>go into mania
>feels fire
>decide to end it once and for all
>take all physical photos and burn her out, take the ones in glass frames and smash them
>write her note about how she is a slut with a gaping vagina welcoming every dick that comes her way
>put it all in paper bag
>meet up with her in park
>throw bag at her and leave
>tell her never to talk to me again
>next day receive phone call from police
>tell them i never want to even see her again after what she did
>they're like cool
>fuckyeahMontanamisogyny
>she told everyone she got a restraining order
>mfw i could legally still show up at her place and say hi just for the fucks
>she's banging one of my old friends now
>saved all her Facebook pictures and still imagine hate-fucking her
She deleted the Facebook, but i didn't delete those pictures. Fucking hate her and her faggy boytoy
I still think of killing myself every day though
>>685259221
>asian asian lesbians
why not just "asian lesbians"?
>>685253131
CONTINUE PLOXX
>>685260220
'Straya' is to Australia what Nigger is to Nigger.
I guess I blame America for making this poor guy believe that his "ethnic posturing" is hip hop cool bro.
>>685261850
Bit of a rollercoaster, this one
>>685261850
post pics
>>685262114
I really like my Asians Asian.
>Was supposed to be 'Anal Asian'
>>685262659
If i ever get home to my laptop i will. Curvy blonde with big green eyes, literal Dutch farm girl, super bitchy personality and big nose to go with it
>>685262650
Ya got no clue
>>685257629
>>685261511
contd.
>3 years in she hits me with the fact that she's polyamorous
>Bitch what tumblr pages have you been browsing
>Poly amorous means she wants multiple partners like the mormons do
>Introduces me to her friends from college
>Ohh now i see, she's cheating on me with that one kid and doesn't know how to break it to me
>Realize that for basically the past year she's been using me for my car, my wallet, and my dick
>She started not giving a fuck about me except when she wanted to use me for one of those things.
>Her mom actually notices this before i did and tells me i deserve better- her mom was a bro.
>Devise a plan
>Call up an old lesbian friend of mine, lets call her sam, explain everything to her
>She agrees to help me expose my bitch girlfriend
>Start texting sam and leaving my phone open in clear view of my girlfriend
>Start liking every picture of sams on every social media
>Eventually gf catches on and confronts me about it
>Tell her that i've done a lot of thinking and i'm poly too, i'm in love with her and this other girl
>She goes apeshit
>Says she was only trying to make me jealous and "WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND WOMEN"
>"because women are fucking confusing"
>"FUCK U"
>Screams at me about how i sexually abused her and threatens to call the cops on me
>Oh boy how i've waited for those words
>Open up a video on my laptop of me chained to a bed while she whips me and insults me
>Yes, i find that shit hot.
>I asked her how a court room would react to this video
>She just cries and runs home
>I pack up all our sex toys in a box
>Write in big black sharpie "Girlfriends Shit"
>Drive over to her house
>Put box inside of her moms car
>Drove home and drank my first beer
>Then my second
>Then my third, then fourth, then there's a blur
>Woke up next morning with my first hangover
>Checked facebook: 2 new messages
>One from ex girlfriend "YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE
>One from her mom: "Lol"
>Never answered either of them
>>685259313
10/10
>>685263165
>lol
Fucking lost
>>685263165
I think I just went gay for you
>>685263217
>>685263165
>dump gf
>date her mom
best solution to your problem
>>685261850
>cheat on her constantly
>she fucked one friend
>she is the piece of shit whore
>mfw
>>685263165
was the mom hot? sounds like she would be a better girlfriend than her daughter
>>685263641
Not even close but she was total pizza and smash bros level of bestfriend-tier
>>685261639
cheers man. i think im so chill because my parents died, it kind of made me realise how trivial everything is, so i dont really give a fuck about dumb arguments, i just try to have fun and enjoy my limited time on earth.
heres one of my stunts that im surprised she didnt dump me for. il cop this one as my fault, but its still pretty funny.
>be out of town with my mates for weekend
>one friend couldnt make it because hes a fag
>decide to take the party to him
>hire a stripper to be sent to his house
>"what name is this for"
>uhhhh
>we are all high as shit
>dong......wang?
>chick laughs and says okay
>"whats the address"
>fuck i dunno
>address rolls into my head
>tell them it
>end of weekend, get home
>"anon what the FUCK'
>what
>"you know damn well what"
>what
>"dont play with me"
>what
>"WHY did a STRIPPER show up here asking to see a DONG WANG?? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????"
>oh shit
>must have said my address
>try explain to gf what happened
>she doesnt like me smoking so tell her i was super drunk and my friends must have done it
>she dont believe me
>well it true so chill dude
>she does NOT chill
>few days later some random chick turns up at my door
>who are you
>"are you Dong Wang?"
>oh fuck
>explain to her what happened
>stripper laughs, is cool
>tell her im happy to pay her for whatever
>she thanks me, takes the cash
>gf pulls into street and sees me giving stripper cash
>is now convinced im paying a stripper to fuck me when she isnt home
>explain she just came by to pick up the money i owe her for the stupid ass prank
>she asks stripper if what i say is true
>"ive never met him before but it was definitely hiim on the phone"
>oh fuck
>caught in a web of lies
>tell truth that i was coned out of my mind
>she left for like a week before returning, presumably to pick up her shit
>nope, she just needed space and is now happy to be back together
>wtf
thought it was over, and was pretty upset. before i realised how shit the relationship was
lol surprisingly good thread, this one
i have a pretty good ex story myself.
>be me
>be in college for first time ever
>am lonely and new and have not had girlfriend in 6 months
>i meet a chunky 7/10
>she is instantly into me
>itsthehair.jpg
>meet her family after a month
>real nice beaner family. mom and dad speak minimal english
>still good people
>find out the mom is battling breast cancer for a 3rd time
>A week after that i find out my gf cheated on me at a party that i left early because i had to be at work
>wtf bitch
>wanna break it off but her mom is so sick and she loves having me around
>in my twisted little head i decide to fuck with this bitch until the cancer goes away, or the mom dies
>for the next 2 years i did all kinds of fucked up shit to that girl to cope with the cheating
>did i mention she cheated on me with my friend?
>do random fucked up things like fart on her pillow
>wipe my ass then finger her fat pussy
>cum in her mouth even though it makes her thrown up (sacrificed quite a bit of clothes for that one.)
>one time i jizzed in her coke she got from mcdonalds. she never noticed
>the highlight of this relationship was going to a party that my friend was throwing and meeting her there
>she took me in the bedroom cuz she wanted to give me the succ
>i wanted to drink
>so i feigned ejaculation
>but decided best to piss in her mouth instead
>lulz ensued and she stormed out while im drunkenly laughing pissing on my buddy's bed.
>finally i get caught feeling another girls tits
>in the midst of this i find out her mom's cancer is in remission
>she comes over to bitch me out about my grope-tacular antics
>i spill the beans on everything i know about her and break up with her cuz the mom is now cancer free
>4 weeks later moms cancer comes back
>now im fit and sexy and she's dating some fat fuck who cant see his own dick
life is good gents
>>685263165
so you got cucked AND you're into women beating you?
I honestly dont think you can get any more beta than that
>>685263723
What the fuck does that mean?
>>685261511
>>685263165
Holy fuck, Thank you for this story
>>685252906
>>685253131
this story is 100% real, guys!! It definitely happened and is NOT made up!
>>685263928
Getting cucked means you LIKE to get cucked
I dumped that bitch upon discovering the seeds of cuck
>>685264061
Her mom was ugly as shit but a fun person
>>685264156
i will give you that one
OP here, having a shower, might be back or might not. Thanks gents, I've relived some entertaining memories
>>685263062
>Ya got no clue
He was referring to you being a faggot. Not the poor girl you fucked around you dumb fuck.
>>685253131
Wow. This is just Gold!
someone screencap these
>>685264374
You just don't read, do you anon?
>>685255087
>bergstein, schindler, and boroberg law firm
You should have told them you were at:
>Hewatt Mate Solicitors
>Arheddis Varkenjaab Legal practice inc
>Farq Hewson law firm
>Suqqa Madiq Attourneys
>>685255883
It was the spaghetti that broke the camel's back
>>685255901
>ANGERY TRAIN
MY FUCKING SIDES
I'd have a beer with you OP
>>685264949
its 4am and im fucking dying
>>685263165
Thank you for your story, based anon.
>>685266116
Any time
>>685264839
Are you ten?
>>685252906
You are my hero OP
>semester just started
>meet up with all the new exchange students
>at beach, meet big tittie gurl
>chunky, 19, dances
>tits and hips don't lie.
>talk to her, we end up going out for a bit
>she's got baggage - broke up with longtime bf back home
>was living with him, he's threatening to throw all her shit out while she's away
>also has bad relationship with parents
>basically got nobody
>feel bad for her, she becomes clingy
>wants to jump into relationship
>fuck that shit.
>first date, back at my place, tryna fuck.
>she "isn't that type of girl"
>get her horny and we fuck anyway
Fast forward
>she sucks in bed and I hate how fucking annoying she is
>still a super sweet genuine girl, actually love her but don't want to be with her
>on phone, she's doing laundry
>says hi to someone
>jokingly say "you're not allowed to talk to anyone else, only me"
>she gets pissed, starts yelling
>long history of this shit. Can't take a joke
>stop texting, calling, leave her shit at her dorm room
>don't want to see her so she has no excuse to talk to me
Saw her out a couple times after that, I was always with other girls. Sometimes with friends of hers. Apparently made her mad at the friends.
Heh.
Someone should screencap these greentexts
Damn so close
>>685252906
>be me
>dating this really cute girl from highschool name Alessia
>friends warned me about her but the pussy is too good
>should have listened
>one day she comes to school with dyed black hair
>"hey babe, I like the look"
>walking with her, this girl walks up to her and just says hi
>"don't speak to me"
>think "wtf"
>during lunch
>she comes over and sits right next to me, grabs my arm
>"hi baby"
>squeezes me
>"hey, I thought you were in a bad mood"
>"no, that's just my other side"
>redflag.jpg
>fast forward, end of the day
>walk outside to leave, gf is yelling at some girl
>"I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING TOUCH ME FUCKING DEGENERATE!"
>kicks the girl right in the face
>"jesus christ"
>walk over, grab gf by arm, and leave
>drive her to the park and talk to her
>"what is wrong with you?"
>"there's nothing wrong with me, it's just her I don't like"
>"the girl you kicked?"
>"no, Alessia"
>"you're Alessia"
>"no, she's my other side"
>"what are you talking about
>"IT'S AMBRY NOW! ALESSIA WAS TOO WEAK!"
>crazy af
>drive her home, don't speak to her for the entire weekend
>it get's worse
>continued...
>>685266836
>monday comes, same shit, except she is wearing some kind or robe
>figure she has gotten into some kind of weeb shit
>doesn't even speak to me the entire day
>won't talk to anyone, won't do work, won't eat lunch
>try to talk to her
>"you don't really love me. You love her."
>"no, I love you. you are her."
>"just get the fuck away from me"
>don't give up on her yet, go over to her house every day after school
>her parents are seriously worried. They wouldn't tell me because they hated me, but I could tell
>keep trying to get her to interact, even going so far as to play along with her little game
>"Okay, so tell me, why do you not like your other self?"
>"she's weak. She never says what she thinks. She keeps quiet, not matter what. She won't express herself, she just wants to fit in with the crowd. But I'm here now, i'm going to make her better"
>over the next few months the changes get more drastic
>she quit her job and sold all of her electronics
>stops eating pre-processed foods, only eats fresh meats, vegetables, and only drinks water. Stops eating school lunches.
>no one but me will sit with her
>can't give up on her
>despite this she always clings to me like she use to
>"you're the only one who understands. you're the only one who sees the truth"
>only wears the black robe and shoes, never wears her old clothes
>stops dying her hair, just lets it go to natural brown
>go over to her house, her room is literally just and a nightstand with a blanket on the window, she sold all of her other stuff
>"what did you do with all your money anyway?"
>she shows me she just keeps all the cash
>"I'm thinking about leaving. Please come with me."
>"I can't come with you. I have a job and school to finish, and college"
>"i understand"
>next day she misses school
>drive over to her house, she's not there
>she fucking left that night
>never see her again
>regret not leaving with her to this day
>no idea where she is
I miss her.
>le ebin me
>gf of 5 years
>suddenly me falls into depresion pit, start flunking college and get fired from my job
>anon, you're life is messed up im gonna leave you
>PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME
>leaves me
>suddenly im over her and i dont give... NO WHO AM I KIDDING PLEASE COME BACK
>doesnt come back
>3 years passed now im super over her i cant believe i got so anxious over such a bit... NO THATS NOT TRUE; I LOVE YO PLEASE TAKE ME BACK
>>685257629
>still upsetti
>>685259313
>go get her food and drink
You're serious bro material anon, where in Aus you from?
>>685252906
just tried to scare you
Fuck that dude, if they ever pull that shit they're a child
>>685264949
This is the greatest comment on all of /b/.
>>685262346
not even him but kill yourself
>>685266893
that is some deep ass shit right there. Hopefully she didn't drink the Kool-Aid
>>685255087
>>fuck you bitch
>>get really drunk
>>start giving legal advice to anyone who would listen
art
>>685255901
>doesn't drink skin
Dude thats how you knew it was failing
this is the best thread i have seen in quite a while...
>>685267659
aaaaaaaaand it's dead
>>685266893
Nice read, I feel you anon.
>>685263847
Beta as fuck
>>685262346
straya is to australia what murica is to america
its a stereotypical way of how foreigners think those people refer to there country so now they actually do it as a joke.
what you said was just fucking retarded
>>685267407
>file saved from tumblr
>spelled a 4 letter word incorrectly
>>685258229
What a weird bitch.
How did you not react to any of these blinding red flags like this one?
>>685267884
says you nigger.
i did whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted
>>685252906
Legendary
>>685268055
>my gf cheated on me and I stayed with her
>thats totally not beta as fuck
Not op but I can tell you guys a decent story
>been with girl for about five months
>one day I say we need to talk
>tell her I want to break up
>she runs off
>whatever, I need to catch this bus
>ffw about a month
>we start hanging out and I eventually take her virginity in my best buddy's sister's bed
>that's a mouthful
>I tell her straight up that I'm not sure if I have any feelings for her
>she seems to be okay with that and we keep banging
>one day I tell her I don't want to do this anymore because I fell for a girl
>she gets pissed and say we need to talk
>meet up with her
>I have this look
>it says "I don't fucking care"
>I can't control it
>she stops blabbing
>"do you even care about what I have to say?"
>no
>bitch empties glass of 7up or whatever over me
>she and her friend runs off
>I'm blinded by rage
>my friend holds me back
Now that I think about it its actually pretty funny
>>685263165
>>Open up a video on my laptop of me chained to a bed while she whips me and insults me
This explains everything and why you stuck around so long. You love the abuse and stress. It won't be long until you find yourself being manipulated and gamed by another mad bitch
>>685252906
Good job dude. It blows my mind that they didn't realize they had to leave.
>>685268299
Say what you want but i like that stuff because my dick told me so. I dont really care for drama.
>>685268170
Fuck off faggot, he won
>>685268437
face it youre a sub and that fetish leaks over into your life choices
youre always gonna be some girls bitch
>>685268609
K then thanks internet troll
>>685255901
>what
youre a genius you goddammed son of a bitch
>>685268609
I just thought about it, and if this happens again all it'll produce is another greentext in like 2 years
>>685268299
You're on /b/ and giving someone shit for being sub? At least his fantasy is sex with an of age, consenting, female human. That's better than 90% of you.
>>685268170
what part was not clear to you? the fact that i did whatever i wanted including giving her mental anguish and making her pay for all my shit even though i had 2 jobs? or the fact that I scored with other chicks? you're probably some beta whiteknight yourself, wishing you had someone to cheat on you
If you wrote a greentext don't give in to the trolls, you made many of us happy with your misadventures.
>>685268840
Lol, he's got you there
Let me tell you the story of the night before I lost my virginity.
>Be me.
>19.
>I invited this girl I know who was a total slut to stay at my house for the week because she was off from school and work that week.
>My mom was also out of town.
>The night before my mom leaves, I had just brought the girl over (her car wasn't working) and she was telling me how horny she was.
>Herewego.jpg
>Mom is upstairs, so can't do anything up there, but we have a basement.
>Anyway, we go down to the basement and since it's already November, we moved all of the lawn things inside.
>She sits down in this lawn chair and I start fingering her and eating her out.
>She wants me to stick it in without a condom, so I say I'd rather wait.
>She's fine with it.
>"Suck my dick,"
>"Sure."
>Disgunbegood.diamonds
>As she gets up, I rub my cock against her ass and she seems to like it.
>After a moment, I sit down in the chair.
>She looks at my dick.
>She bursts out laughing "IT'S SO SMALL IT'S CUTE!!!!!!!"
>I get up ashamed and almost put it away.
>She sucked my dick anyway and I came in a tshirt that was due to be washed.
Hate fucked her the next morning before I had to go to class.
>>685268497
>>685268855
Beta reaction, chill out bro ! it's ok, some day you'll be a real man
>>685269104
Except the crazy one
>>685269267
lol someone didnt get his tendies
>>685255087
Ayyy lmao schindler
>>685269186
fucking ouch
>tfw no gf
I had a phase in my early 20s in which i traveled a lot around the world, i came unprotected in a lot of pussies. All of them were poor so im guessing the babies will never get back to me, left no contact info etc.
I think i got no aids, test so far negative
but i think it was worth it, would you do this if able?
>>685270169
gf jutsu scroll go
>>685270248
who wouldnt? I have USMC buddy who has like 4 kids in romania. but theyre Romanian, wtf are they gonna do
>>685268840
lol
>>685270350
the feeling of cumming on an unprotected pussy is just so good
like, its better than anything else you can experience, probably you would have to do pretty hard drugs, like heroine to get anywhere near
why humankind hasnt made its 1st priority to make a way to feel this withotu consequences i do not know
>>685269444
The trips of knowledge
>>685269186
absolutely destroyed.
or maybe not
>>685270459
idk. luckily my gf cant get pregnant cuz of scarred ovaries or something (she was raped while she was young). so i can pretty much bust anywhere and not face any consequences
>>685270459
Its called birth control you fucking spastic
>>685270350
become emperors and conquer the world
>>685270169
anime jutsu and real jutsu have the same effect. and either one of them could be used to put you in a hentai and get you tones of freaky bitches.
that being said I would choose the dad one just so I could meet him
>>685255901
She wasn't at her parents. She was taking some dick to get back at you.
>>685270703
"FIND MY DAD SO I CAN CHOP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF"
>>685270694
but you could still get std's you fucking retard
This was pure gold op
Virginity story of mine, related.
>Be me
>mommy's favorite boy but new chocolate daddy hates me and hits me
>wake up at 2:13AM for Saturday morning cartoons
>slap my dick silly for Daffy Duck
>mommy hears my pleas of lust and checks on me
>she screams
>cocoa is gonna be pissed
>I quickly grab my pillow covered in shit and honey mustard for my tendies.
>slam her across the head with it
>she goes down and slams her head on the dresser
>hear chocolate daddy waking up
We can't have that.
>I make sure my footie pajamas and diaper are secure and I waddle into their bedroom
>the chocolate chickadee himself is there, staring at me
"The fuck you want little shit?"
>with the leap of a gazelle I bash him down with the mustered force of my triple digit good boy points
>he's dead
>I slip my measty slipper down his throat
>mfw I'm chocolate daddy now
>>685266836
It does remember me about the day Where i Lost my sanity
>Be me
>18 yo
>Found out that i was in depression since a long time
>Taking pills
>One day I took too much of them ...
>If you don't realise what it does mean ... Let's say it's like you were passive on most things
>Go to my gf flats
>Find out She played "the bottle game" at a party , find text of some dude
>Talk to her about that
>She says it was just a game
>I say "I'm not staying with you, It's normal that you want to discover life and to see other people, I leave you".
>Gf in tears
>I take more pills ( those pills makes you lose memory), suddenly everything is going blurry
>Gf getting mad
>Gf speaking like someone else
>redflag
>" I'm leaving you "
> Gf is not girlfriend anymore, I feel weak as fuck because of pills
> Gf has locked all the exit of her flat
> Gf has hidden the key
> I say "Let me go"
>She says "No"
>Am I being detained ?, Yes I am .... Let's see the possibilities I have : I can Break the window or smash the door
>Realise I'm too weak AND tripping as fuck
>She says that if I want to leave I have to fuck her
>Fuck her "Berserk" Tier, with no joy
>Get the keys, leaves
>Leaves the fuckin city
>Pass out in the train
>A few day after, I realise I was raped by i multiple personality chick while drugged as fuck
Something did break inside me
>>685271356
Your writing sounds like it's translated from another language shittliy
Here, have some OC OP
>>685267052
That is a seriously shitty girlfriend you had if she dumped you as soon as things weren't sunshine and butterflies.
You're better off without her. If it weren't for the depression, she would have dumped you for some other reason that made her life marginally uncomfortable.
I mean holy shit what a bitch, spent 5 fucking years with you, then bails just like that when things get tough. Selfish cunt.
One of my stories
>be me in highschool
>dating this one girl call her emo
>one day chillin with bros and she comes over
>fast forward week
>emo acts weird
>think nothing of it for shes just that way sometimes
>find out later one of my bros has her in his class and they've talking
>be alpha and don't care faith in bro for being bro
>forward week
>group hang out my bros and her fembros
>gets late people fall asleep
>awake and over hear some shit talk from fem bros
>warn me that emo has been talking to my bro and my be after him
>thank fem bros for being more my bro then her bro turns out aren't her friends they all hate her
>lolwat
>forward week
>emo doesn't want to be with me wants bro instead
>planned ahead and told bro and hes got me
>she finds out she cant have him cause hes my bro
>gets mad and screams and hates every one why we call her emo
>spends days now hating every one due to her now friendless for the shit she pulled
>says spite full things to me for "ruining" her chances
>later in week find new girl meet on school trip with other schools
>call her blonde
>date for weeks shits cash chill as fuck and always dtf
>go to one of blondes cheer practices find emo talking to her
>allofmywhat
>turns out friends while ago before switching schools
>emo super mad and jealous for blondes easily 8/10 while emo 6/10 at best
>blonde figures jealous i tell her why and she goes along with it
>purposely clinging to me when ever emo's around to make her mad guessed even she hated her
>forward i don't know how long
>find out her and emo fought one day at cheer practice and emo fell off person tower and broke her ankle
>blonde ecstatic about being the one to do it
>revenge karma for being a greedy bitch/10
>>685268288
So basically you acted like an asshole the entire time, then had 7up poured on you.
Congrats?
>>685271896
>oc
timestamp or gtfo
>>685272460
Not me, dipshit
>>685253131
>>me and buddy play ps3 and eat spaghetti
>>685272565
then how is it oc?
>>685267052
This is the single most cancer post I've read all week.
10/10 would play spaghetti and eat videogames with you
>>685272683
Do you know what OC stands for?
>>685272829
Ornery Canuck
>>685272829
One-inch Cock
>>685272829
Only Cries
>>685252906
>>685253131
loved the spaghetti parts
10/10 would read again
here tits for you OP
>>685272829
Obsolete Console
>>685272829
Obelisk Cunt
>>685272829
Omniscient Cat
>>685272829
Obfuscating Coriander
>>685272829
Oncology Cancer
>>685255087
>>fuck you bitch
>>get really drunk
>>start giving legal advice to anyone who would listen
my sides
more OP
>>685272829
OH, crap?
>>685272081
nah, she was right i was a mess no one could be with me then, but thanks for being a bro
>>685259526
>prommy
laughed so hard at this and I have no idea why
>>685272829
Objective Concepts
>>685272829
OMG, CUL8TR
>>685272829
Original Connect-four
>>685273393
Kaffee, ganz klar.
Die letzte CD hab ich 2013 auf einem Konzert gekauft. War so ne Demo von der Vorband dort. Die waren ziemlich gut.
Hülsen und exotische Patronen
Ja, aber jeder hat sich in der Schule mal geprügelt, oder?
In 5 Jahren bin ich wahrscheinlich immer noch hier
>>685272829
Obliterated Cuckold
>>685272829
Ok Cool
>>685272829
Of Calcutta
>>685272829
Oman Cheese
>>685273601
ich habe keine Ahnung, war Spass machen. Einzige Deutsch Artistdie ich kenne ist (nils)niemand
>>685253131
Even if it's fake, it's still awesome
More stories pls OP, this thread quickly turned to shit.
>>685273899
He said he might not be back, and then didn't come back, so thread just held together by bad stories and comments
>>685272829
Ordinary jet fuel Can't melt steel beams?
>>685258229
>dont know why she liekd playin games
thats all women can do
if a man has a problem with anothe rman they just beat the crap out of eachother and everything is fine.
women cant do that so they have to be bitchy
actually one of my buddies hated me when we started working together, then we got drunk once. he told me he hates me like hell, i told we go outside and beat the shit out of eachother. he disagreed. since then were really good buddies
>>685259221
>Gaping Asses
kek
>>685268609
>projecting this hard
>>685274328
>if a man has a problem with anothe rman they just beat the crap out of eachother and everything is fine.
i never once in my life got into a fistfight, does that mean i had to be bitchy?
>>685271896
im going to cry :'(
>>685272829
Ocelot canoe
>>685273601
Ob du behindert bist?
I tell this story all the time, but I've been on 4chan for about 10 or so years so you guys are probably new enough to not have heard it.
>LDR with this girl.
>Really like her, she's super cute and into me.
>REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT though.
>Too beta and young back then to "understand" women.
>We break up over and over and get back together over and over.
>One day just sick of her shit.
>She calls me up crying about some dumb shit, trying to make me jealous over some faggy emo kid she met up with.
>Whatever.
>Tell her I downed a ton of painkillers and I probably won't wake up.
>Start slowing down my talking and eventually I just drop my phone on the ground and go to sleep, listening to her sob gently down the phone.
>Text her a week later saying I'm my friend and that I (Anon) died in hospital after an overdose.
>lel
>She buys it.
>Goes on MySpace (yeah it was a while ago) and cries about how much she misses me etc.
>This goes on for like 2 weeks.
>She's massively depressed an upset that I'm "dead".
>Stop texting her as my friend.
>One night about 2am I call her using my regular phone number.
>Play Pearl Jam's "Alive" down the phone.
>Laugh my ass off and go to sleep.
She. Flipped. A. Shit.
Funniest thing is we actually made up about a year after that and I got to touch dem titties. Never fucked her though. Shame because she's fat as fuck now.
>>685274584
nope
men also have the advantage to say what they think and be honest and logical, which avoids a lot of problems and is great to solve conflicts and problems.
>>685262114
It's kind of like double niggers, but yellower.
>>685273601
komm mal auf deine tabs klar du affe
>>685276431
You're a normie though
>>685277301
anyone who posts about how long they've browsed this site is as new and normie as they come
>>685277301
>>685277388
>Being buttblasted over trivial things
okay cucks
>>685277537
>getting buttblasted about being called new
>>685277592
I don't even post on /b/.
And >>685277537 wasn't even me.
If you still post on /b/ you're the definition of new lmao
>>685277301
>>685277388
>>685277592
>tfw a whiteknight cuck calls me new
>>685277667
>RESPONDING TO BAIT
>BEING THIS MAD
KEEP GOING
>>685277715
>FROGS
>>685257421
Can relate to part of it
>Say something about sex that they think is a joke
>its not
>Go for it right after
>works
Best thread on 4chan in a while 10/10 would read again
>>685263847
>i spill the beans on everything
>girl is a beaner
this tickled me more than it should've
>>685278073
It's funny how only certain threads get postet over and over again.
I guess the ones which weren't posted so often didn't reach the newfags
>>685253131
OP you were like a boss!!! Great stuff, indeed!
>>685266553
Outta ten, buddy
>>685252906
Good job man.
I'm still newfag and may not mean much nowadays but god damn op best thread. I hope even more greatness for you
>>685269186
Yell "hello.... ooo... ooo... ooo..." into her vag kek
>>685272829
Overt cunt
>>685272829
Omniscient Candelabra
